Tom Blake – On Life and Love after 50

Hope Lives On

On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter

April 17, 2026

Columnist Tom Blake

On January 10, 2025, the eNewsletter was titled, “False Hope.” It was about a Champ named Ann, not her true name, who wrote that she had met a man named Ben (name changed also) whose wife had had Alzheimer’s Disease for 10 years.Ben’s wife still lived at home under his care. On Christmas Day, 2024, Ben contacted Ann and they met for a glass of wine that day and found they were attracted to each other, especially Ann attracted to Ben.

Ann emailed me often in early 2025 about her encounters with Ben. On May 26, 2025, Ann emailed me, “I heard from Ben on Mother’s Day, remember him with the Alzheimer wife? He lovingly wished me happy Mother’s Day and, of course, I was over the moon.

The next eNewsletter, January 17, 2025 (Both eNewsletters can be read on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website, featured 22 responses from Champs about the brief encounter Ann had with Ben. Almost all responses felt Ben was cheating on his wife and Ann was totally out of line.

“I thanked him and said I thought of him and hoped he was well. He also texted me on Easter, this coming from a man who wanted the door closed. I responded.

Last week, she emailed again.

“I have no idea how his wife is doing, apparently, she’s still here and things might be the same. I think you know how I feel about Ben; he is still the one for me.”

“Then, in the evening he responded to my text and said he also thought of me and here comes the next thing that sent me shivers, he said maybe someday we can go out for dinner.

Ann emailed me several times in 2025 and early 2026, always writing about Ben.

“I have been seeing Ben, I believe I wrote you after he bailed again but I did not follow up with what happened after. The next day, after the breakup, he texted me, it was heartbreaking to read how he poured out his heart.

“He said he didn’t know what had come over him, that life was so stressful with his wife still alive, but lovingly taken care every day and night.

“Ben said he had deep feelings for me and didn’t want to lose me, could I please forgive him and could we talk. We did and got some things straightened out; I felt more understanding as this continues to be a difficult situation for us both.

“Ben tries hard to include me in his life; he has a very busy business plus he visits his wife (living separately in their home) a couple of times a day.

“He obviously loves her and makes sure she has every comfort possible; I love that about him as well as other things. You know Tom, I have loved Ben for over a year, and I believe he had strong feelings about me and decided last Christmas to visit me again.

“Tom, there is never a guarantee in life, not for me, not for you or anyone for that matter.

“I believe I told you about our reunion, we just flew into each other’s arms after 10 months and almost cried with joy.
He had that little one-day setback but promised to never hurt me again.

“Ben has been loving and considerate since, we have gone out to dinner, to lunch and we see each other once a week, sometimes like this week, twice for lunch.

“We visit each other’s homes, and I feel comfortable in his house.
He holds my hand during lunch, kisses me frequently and thinks I am eye candy, a cute expression he uses.

“As I mentioned, it’s not ideal, I want to see more of him but know the limits, don’t want to push it and let him talk about his pain, (his wife and both daughters he lost a few years ago).

“It now has been almost three months of being together, I know he loves me and I am loving him.

“I am older now, it feels right to be with Ben and one day, we can spend more time together once his wife is no longer with us.
I am grateful for this love.”

Two Tuesdays in July 2025

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

by Tom Blake Columnist

Last week’s eNewsletter was titled The Sound of Silence. It was based on a Paul Simon concert that my significant other Debbie and I attended in Long Beach, California on Tuesday, July 8.

Here are a few responses from Champs to that eNewsletter.

Kathy, “OM Gosh great newsletter! Saw Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel twice – last time was some months after 9/11/01 at Madison Square Garden and the other time was way back in the 60’s before they became who they became. I’ve been an ardent admirer of Simon forever and think of him as a genius.

I’ve seen the movie The Graduate several hundreds of times Scarborough Fair is one of my favorite songs as is April Come She Will but there is a Simon and Garfunkel song that I think is hauntingly beautiful and ranks as one of this gal’s favorites; For Emily whenever I might find her.

I love that Paul also wrote a song with my name in it, Kathy’s Song. Good memories, great music.

Carmen, My high school classmate, “My favorite line from the song is “The words of the prophets were written on the subway walls and tenement halls …

“I also liked Kodachrome.

“I dated a woman when I worked in Mexico City who dated Paul once.”

SW, a woman co-worker at the Victoria Station restaurant chain. “Beautiful column, Tom!!

“I went through a phase of listening to one of the Simon and Garfunkel CDs in my car this year – absolutely love them – and The Graduate!

Margo, “In college, I took a film class. I made a movie using the music and lyrics to “The Sound of Silence.” I think it was pretty good. I’m disappointed I never went back and retrieved the films I created. It remains one of my favorites.”

Gloria, “Another newsletter near and dear to my heart. The Sound of Silence.

“I have always loved the song and most of the other songs you mentioned; The Boxer, Slip Sliding Away and Homeward Bound.

“I saw The Graduate a few times. One of my other favorite songs is Mrs. Robinson. When my grandchildren were smaller, I would take them out for pizza and played that song in the car as we all sang along. To this day, if any of them hear it, they text or call me and tell me all about it.

“Such insight from Simon to have written those words so long ago.”

Francine “Simon and Garfunkel both grew up in Forest Hills, Queens (NYC) where I lived from 1965-1968. Forest Hills is home to the Tennis Stadium which used to have a lot of concerts. I lived right down the street and heard the concerts for free, including Simon and Garfunkel. The Graduate was an amazing movie.

Ted, a high school classmate, married 60 + years: “The Sound of Silence is my favorite Simon & Garfunkel song. Closing the show with it was perfect! Yes, Debbie won the one-dollar bet. Where have the year’s gone?”

Beckie “I’m probably not the 1st one to tell you the song was on a 33rpm record, not a 78rpm as you mentioned. “The Graduate. Fine movie, wonderful songs.”

Julie, “All your columns are wonderful, but this one is my new favorite. You have a way of tying things together and putting the reader right inside these events! Who doesn’t love The Graduate and Simon and Garfunkel?

“This is how I live my life too! Acting on opportunities that seem to drop in my lap. I guess you and I both connect with people. Our open minds and hearts keep the fun coming from many unexpected places (e.g., The Racker neighbors)

“May you continue to experience these fruits of your relationship-building, and a life well lived! Including the physical stamina to climb into a concert venue. I’m cheering for you!”

Carolyn, “Wow! Loved reading this beautiful eNewsletter! Jake and Kresta Racker are amazing friends to have!

“As of this April, Simon and Garfunkel were speaking again and talking about a possible concert featuring both. I always keep hope alive for this make-up, break-up duo. I love them and value their delicious music. Always so heartfelt and true.

“Super happy that Simon came out at the end to sing that beautiful Sound Of Silence. (Debbie won the $1 bet fair and square!) Fingers crossed that I shall see them sing together one last time. The Graduate has always been a fan favorite”! Phenomenal acting!”

Tom’s speech on Tuesday, July 15

Approximately 50 people attended my speech at the Susi Q Senior Center in Laguna Beach. I was pleased that the events coordinator Christine Brewer had all the equipment working perfectly. My buddy Jim Fallon advanced the Power Point slides with a remote gadget when I gave him the nod. Overall, I thought it went well.

Champ Wayne mentioned to me that the ratio of single women to single men attending to be about 5 to one.

For me, the heroes among the attendees were Ray and Libby Freer, a couple in their mid-80s who married in June 2024. In the slides, I had included as the final slide a photo of them walking down the aisle after their marriage as a sign of hope that romance can happen after age 80. There had been a gap of 70 years since they had seen each other. I didn’t know they were coming to the speech. Both shared their story and advice with the audience during the Q & A at the end.

In particular, Ray stressed that a characterists-wanted in a mate list I had included in the February 10, 2023, eNewsletter helped him and Libby decide they were well suited for each other to marry. I checked the archives and found that list and am including it here.

Tom’s Suggested List Of Characters Wanted in a Mate

1 He makes me his top priority and treats me with respect

2. I am physically attracted to him. And he to me

3. We must enjoy being together and feel comfortable

4. He must not smoke or take drugs

5. He must be financially self-sufficient and willing to share expenses

6. He takes care of his health

7. He must be available to see me three to four times per week

8. We don’t have to have similar interests, but similar core values

9. He must be kind and considerate to others

10. We must agree on politics

11. Our religious beliefs don’t have to be the same, but neither of us can be zealots or closed-minded to the partner’s beliefs

12. He must be open to having a new relationship. We must be able to talk about our former spouses and mates without the other person feeling jealous or compared to. If a person talks about a former mate incessantly, that person is likely not for you.

End list

Yes, it was a busy two Tuesdays in July.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter The Sound of Silence

July 11, 2025

By Columnist Tom Blake

On May 14, I received a text from my next-door neighbor, Jake Rackers. I was surprised to learn that he was texting from the Ryman Auditorium, the music venue in Nashville, Tennessee, the original home of the Grand Ole Opry. He was attending and enjoying a concert by Paul Simon.

Why was Jake texting me from there? On many occasions, Jake, his wife Kresta and I listened to music together on our back patios and they were aware of my connection to Nashville, Johnny Cash, and the Ryman. Jake wanted me to know how great Simon was performing.

As some of you know, I worked with Johhny Cash in the 1970s when I was the Marketing Director for the Victoria Station Restaurant Chain. I remained friends of Johnny and his wife June Carter until they both passed away in 2003. I had seen them perform at the Ryman. And I co-produced an album of Johnny’s train songs, which is on display at the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville.

Jake bought me a “Paul Simon In Concert” T-shirt, which I cherish (See photos). On the back of the shirt, Simon’s North America 2025 tour stops are listed. Jake pointed out that Simon was scheduled to appear in Long Beach on July 7 and in Los Angeles for five nights at the Walt Disney Concert Hall beginning on July 9. Jake recommended that Debbie (my significant other) and I attend one of Simon’s concerts.

Last Sunday, Debbie mentioned to me that Simon’s concert in Long Beach was postponed for one day to July 8. We decided to try to get tickets and were successful.

I’ve been a fan of Simon and Garfunkel for many, many years. In 1968, after serving in the Vietnam War and graduating from the University of Michigan Business School, I was living in New York City working for American Airlines.

A woman I was dating pleaded with me to take her to the movie “The Graduate,” starring Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft. I hadn’t heard of the movie and thought the movie sounded boring. She threatened to never go out with me again if I didn’t take her. I reluctantly agreed, feeling I was being dragged into the most yawning two hours of my life.

The movie began. In the opening scene, Ben, played by Hoffman, was in the Los Angeles Airport walking in the concourse, having just arrived home after graduating from college. Then the music soundtrack came on. The first song was “The Sound of Silence.” My attitude did an immediate 360 turn. I loved that song. I loved that movie. The Sound of Silence was played three times in the movie. It was written by Simon when he was age 21.

Other songs I liked by Simon and Garfunkel were also in the movie’s soundtrack including “Mrs. Robinson,” “Scarborough Fair,” and “April Come She Will.”

The film won an Oscar. It was the highest grossing film of 1967 and is one of the top 25 films in history. I purchased the 78-rpm record album “The Graduate” as soon as it was available. If you’ve never seen the movie “The Graduate,” I encourage you to watch it. Still incredible after 57 years.

Since then, I’ve enjoyed Paul Simon’s music. It’s been a huge chunk of my life. In my first newspaper column published on July 7, 1994, I quoted these words from the song, “Graceland.”

“Losing love is like a window in your heart, everyone sees you’re blown apart…”

I thank The Rackers for reaching out about Paul Simon’s upcoming appearances and giving Debbie and me a nudge to go see him live. Neighbors like the Rackers are priceless.

Tuesday night, Debbie and I drove to the Terrace Concert Hall in Long Beach. We had prepaid for parking, but the lot was already packed. Snacks and beverages could be purchased outside the concert hall. Our seats were six rows from the top. It’s a beautiful facility with perfect acoustics.

Debbie commented she should have brought her binoculars. It appeared that 99 percent of the seats were filled. Simon and the nine-piece band emerged at 8:15. The crowd rose to their feet with a standing ovation. It was a goose-bump moment.

Debbie and I made a one-dollar bet. “What would be the first song, and the last song played? I said, “First, The Sound of Silence.” She said, “Last, The Sound of Silence.”

Before the music started, Simon spoke and said the first seven songs would be new material. I didn’t recognize any of those. Then, they took an intermission.

On the band’s return to the stage, they opened with “Graceland,” the song I mentioned above.

The next song was “Slip Sliding Away.” Mostly familiar songs followed, including “Homeward Bound.” The concert took over two hours with each of the nine musicians featured. The crowd was on its feet often. Simon’s voice is still strong. The show ended with “The Boxer.” The band left the stage, including Simon. The Sound of Silence hadn’t been played. But that wasn’t the finale.

Of course, the shouting and yelling for an encore reverberated throughout the concert hall. And of course, they returned and played three more songs. Then the band left again. But Simon remained by himself on stage. He grabbed his guitar. And sang solo, you know what: “The Sound of Silence.” The crowd was on their feet, thrilled with the final piece of music.

A glorious night of memories came to an end. It was worth every dollar we spent and the hour drive to get to the Terrace Theatre. Paul Simon is a genius. One of the most prolific song writers ever.

I gave Debbie the dollar. She had been right about the concert ending with “The Sound of Silence.”

Tom’s Speech – Laguna Beach Susi Q Senior Center

380 Third Street

This coming Tuesday, July 15, 5:00 pm to 6:30.

Limited seating, no cost, very limited parking in garage below and do not park in the spaces requiring parking permits. I recommend parking at an outside meter nearby or at a different parking garage.

Deceased partner’s photos

By Tom Blake, Columnist

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter June 6, 2025

Senior Dilemma. When should a deceased partner’s photos and belongings be put away?

A woman recently emailed with a heart-wrenching question that many seniors face. She requested to remain anonymous, so I shall call her Sue.

Sue wrote, “I met my sweetheart online a year ago. Although he lives 30 miles from me, he says it’s worth the 40-minute drive. I am happy he feels that way.

“What are your thoughts on my him still having his dead wife’s clothing in their closet? She passed away 10 years ago. I discovered this when he invited me to spend the night at his place, when I took my overnight bag upstairs. Additionally, all her old perfume bottles are displayed on the master bathroom counter. It was disconcerting to me to say the least.”

“I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.”

My reply to Sue

“I understand the dilemma. Greta, my partner of 25 years, passed away 2 and ½ years ago. I have many pictures of her and us together around my home. I am slowly moving the pictures to a box in the garage. I realize my life has changed and it’s time to move on.

“It’s hard as the pictures represent so many memories, but I need to do it. Thanks for the reminder. Let me know how it goes.

Your question gave me a nudge.

“In your situation, Sue, especially with your boyfriend being a widower of 10 years, the woman’s clothes in the closet need to go.

“Plus, no woman is going to want to use the left-over perfume bottles, so they also need to go. Are there other signs around the house that he might still be in grief?

“Have a talk with him and do it nicely. Is his reason for not removing the items because he is still mourning or that he just got complacent? When Greta passed, her kids removed her clothes immediately, which I appreciated.

“After a year together, your boyfriend should want to make you happy and perhaps he’ll remove those items or have someone do it for him. The clothes could be donated.

“Your question will benefit many seniors who find themselves asking, “What should I do with my ex-spouses or partner’s photos?’

“If your sweetheart refuses, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Does he talk about her often? My feeling is he cares a great deal about you and will move on in his life with you.”

Sue responded, “Thank you, Tom. I just found it so creepy that he hasn’t done the removal himself. We’re going on a trip in July. I asked him if he could please have her things taken care of by then.

“I hope it works because otherwise he is a wonderful, loving and generous man. He did remove his wife’s name and birth/death dates sticker from the back of her old car. But he’s keeping that car as an extra vehicle. He claims he’s over her. Still, I can’t help but wonder.”

There is no right or wrong answer about removing a deceased partner’s pictures or clothes. Everyone has their own beliefs.

Previous comments by Champs on this topic

Ben, a widower, wrote, “It’s been two years since my wife’s passing. My girlfriend has brought up the issue of pictures of my late wife in the house. I am gradually taking them down and moving on in life. Empathy, patience, and love are how I deal with change in my life.”

Cheryl emailed, “I had a boyfriend who constantly suggested that I take down the photos of my late husband. He felt that if I thought it was necessary to have those photos prominently displayed, it meant that I still loved and thought about my husband all the time, and therefore I couldn’t put my whole heart into loving him.

“Eventually, I broke up with him due to his extreme jealousy and possessiveness.”

Kim said, “I will never date another widow because one compared me to the deceased and I was always trying to measure up to a ‘legend,’ at least he was in her mind. Who wants to date someone who can’t heal and move ahead?”

Alicia shared, “Seven years ago, my brother lost his wife of 30 years after a happy marriage. Four years later, he remarried. He still misses his deceased wife. His present wife was divorced for several years and her husband died as well. Both freely speak about their deceased spouses.

“I have learned from them that even though you find someone new who you now love, the past life does not need to be buried. It was a large part of your life and why should you sweep it under the rug?”

Curtis, “I had a sister who married a widower. They were in love and had pictures of both their former spouses around. They talked with each other about adventures they had with their previous families. When my sister died, she was buried with her previous husband, and when the widower dies, he will be buried with his first wife. In the meantime, they enjoyed each other’s company. Both families accepted the other and were glad they had been happy again.”

Sherrill, “My guy Matt loved his deceased wife dearly, and until we met, he believed he would never love again.

“When I moved in with him, Matt asked if I would object to him putting some pictures of his ex-wife on the refrigerator along with my pictures of my kids and grandkids. I had no objection. I felt secure in our relationship and his love for me did not feel threatened; I admired his loving devotion to his wife.

“He inadvertently put pictures of her directly in my line of sight, so I saw them every time I opened the refrigerator door. Initially, this didn’t bother me, but eventually, it did! I asked him if he would move the pictures to a different location on the refrigerator, which he willingly did. He has pictures of his wife and me in his office.

“This is a complicated issue for which there is no simple or right answer. As seniors, we all bring baggage into a new relationship.”

Bill, a widower, emailed, “What matters in the conduct of a new relationship is the acceptance by a new partner of the nature and profound depth of the widow or widower’s prior relationship.

“Confidence is best created when the widow or widower provides an atmosphere that enhances the strength, convictions, and independence of their new loves. Removing doubt and fostering self-confidence minimizes any propensity for rivalry with departed spirits.”

Lynne wrote, “Don’t expect the surviving spouse to ever give up loving the deceased spouse. If not for death, they would still be together. Someone who wants a relationship with a surviving spouse is going to have to realize that there is memory lingering there and be comfortable with that.”

Hopefully, these sensitive replies will help widows, widowers and non-married partners who face this understandable dilemma. There is no right or wrong answer about removing a deceased partner’s pictures or clothes. Everyone has their own beliefs.

2 Senior Women With Different Retirement Outlooks

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

By Columnist Tom Blake

NL May 23, 2025

Two women with decidedly different outlooks on senior life

Helen

Helen emailed, “Single woman fear of dating. I need some assistance; okay, I need help. I am 71, and the monster under my bed is dating. I live in fear of dating. My last real date was in 1981. I’ve been a widow for 10 years. I tried a couple of coffee/lunch dates and had no success. I was knocked off the horse, and I just can’t seem to get back in the saddle. I’m not that young, cute girl. I lost my confidence, and I am afraid to try again. Yes, I’m chicken.

“I want a second chance, but I have convinced myself it will be a disaster. I am not the perfect older woman these men seem to be searching for. At the grocery store, I would be on the dented can aisle.

“I am all too knowledgeable about my issues. I lean on those instead of my good qualities. I think the pain of widowhood has taken away my confidence and left me feeling like failure is my only route.

“I have lots of good qualities. I’m clever, creative, intelligent, funny, and likable. I’m kind, caring, and loving. I put others first, I’m a good listener, and I know I’m still a keeper. But in the back of my head, I think of my flaws and my age. I consider myself a used car and not a classic. And I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

“I injured my ankle, so I can’t compete in pickleball. And I’m not a hardbody, but my sons say I’m still cute. I know I don’t look my age or act it either because I’m young at heart, and I’m reminded about this by strangers. I just need a kick in the butt. I need to polish up my courage and spirit.

“So, Tom, I need to pick your brain, hit up your knowledge and hope you have ideas for me.”

Tom’s comment: With all the good qualities you describe, I don’t understand your fear. You’re young, and it doesn’t matter that you can’t play pickleball. With my bony knees, I can’t either. I strongly suggest you contact a therapist to overcome your fears.

Maria

Some Champs have told me they are bored in retirement. They don’t know what to do. One Champ named Maria messaged me this week with how she is enjoying retirement and getting exercise at the same time.

I’ve known her for many years. She was my dental hygienist. Now, she has started a new business. The brochure below explains her new adventure.

Maria lives in Ironwood, near Ranco Cucamonga and Ontario, in Riverside County, California, just north of the 10 freeway. She is open to servicing customers within 25 miles of her home.

She is a reliable and wonderful woman. Trust her to take care of your dogs.

A Senior Man’s first-date jitters

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 9, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

A senior man’s first-date jitters

Bill, a widower in his mid-70s, emailed me for guidance regarding an upcoming first date with a woman he met on Match.com.

I thought it might be interesting, particularly to our women Champs, to know what a man thinks about before and after a first date with a woman.

Bill wrote, “I met an attractive woman on Match.com. She’s 10 years younger. She and I agreed to meet for coffee at a location about halfway between where we live, a two-mile drive for each of us. From her profile picture, she is pretty. I’m a little nervous. Her name is Jackie.

“We talked over the phone and knew at least we had a good conversation before we got together. That is a must for first-date people!”

“Can you give me any advice?”

I replied, “Is this your first date since your wife passed away?”

Bill answered, “No, I’ve had a few dates, but I’m not exactly Joe Stud, you know. But I’d like to impress her.”

I said, “Relax, I can tell you are nervous. But that’s ok, after all, this could become your future mate. Just slow down and calm down.”

“It goes without saying to wear a clean shirt. Smile when you greet her and shake her hand. No hug or kiss when you first approach each other. Men tend to talk too much when they are nervous. Be sure you ask questions about her. Encourage her to talk. Make direct eye contact with her. Smile. Use first-date etiquette; actually, any date etiquette.”

Bill said, “Thanks, that will help me break the ice. I will talk for no more than 40 percent of the time and ask her questions. Her profile says she still works full time. I will let you know how it goes.”

A few days later, after his first date, Bill sent me an update. “It went okay with Jackie. She is pretty. Will we see each other again? Probably. It could happen, but I’m unsure. Frankly, it wasn’t a great connection. She didn’t ask me many questions. I’m 6’ 1; she’s 5’6”—so that works for me. Not too tall and not too short.

“You kind of know if a woman is very interested, somewhat interested or not interested in you. She is somewhat only. But who knows for sure?

“She is divorced and didn’t talk about her ex at all. When I mentioned my wife, this woman sort of felt bad but had no questions about me. When I talked about my interests, the conversation didn’t go very far, but we stayed with her interests and travels.

“It possibly could go somewhere, but I didn’t think she appreciated the breakfast sandwich and beverage because I would have liked a nice thank you for my effort (liked she kind of expected me to pay and I guess that’s ok.)

“She steered away from future plans. I didn’t ask if she wanted to get together again or make any future plans.

“We didn’t get into politics and talked about schools, kids and travel. I probably could have gotten a little more personal and asked what she thought of me. But I don’t want any rejection. We talked for over an hour, so it was going ok, but probably not a strong connection.

“So where does this go? I’m not sure and I’m not clear about my feelings. I could reach out again, but I may leave the ball in her court for her to reach out to me if she is interested enough. So maybe I will ghost her or send her a text in a week to see how she is doing.

“I mentioned a few ideas about walking together on a hike near the beach or something and got no response on any idea she might have to do something. So, no, the date success wasn’t 100%, but more like 35%.

“At the end, I gave her a small hug, but she wasn’t responsive. So, it left me thinking, ‘Do I want to pursue her anymore?’ Maybe there would be too much work involved. She still works and seems busy. Perhaps some of my thoughts may help her. I want some kind of gratification or some kind of future interest to make me think that she and I want a relationship.

“Oh yes, I said at the very end, ‘Do you prefer a text or a call? She said ‘either.’ So, she could be still in it, but not who knows? Maybe it’s me because of my feelings. I don’t need to start chasing or try to create a fun experience. I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere.”

Tom’s Comment: So that’s how a nice gentleman feels. If there’s any message in Bill’s story for women, it’s that if you like a guy like Bill on a first date, be a little more assertive, showing affection like a kiss on the cheek and saying, “Let’s get together again.” And ask him more questions. However, what Jackie did may indicate that she doesn’t want to proceed seeing him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Senior dating sure has its challenges.

Are children affecting your relationship?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 18, 2025

by Columnist Tom Blake

I had a wake-up call on Monday morning while preparing this week’s eNewsletter. My phone was about 15″ from me on my desktop. The loudest warning alert I’d ever heard from that phone jolted me shortly after 10 a.m. One second later, when the house began shaking, I realized a strong (5.2) earthquake was happening.

I hustled to the rear patio to get outside. I looked to my right. My neighbor Jake was outside holding his phone. I looked to my left. My neighbor Aaron was outside holding his phone. We agreed the quake was a doozie. Over 35 years, I’ve felt four earthquakes while inside my home. This was the scariest. Fortunately, there was no damage.

Like the Pony Express, the mail must go through. Despite unusual circumstances, the eNewsletter must be published. Have a safe week, Champs.

And now, this week’s topic:

Kids Interfering With Parents’ Relationships

A month ago, a woman, Champ, 76, living in the Midwest, wrote me about children interfering with her relationship with a man she’s dated for five years. Let’s call her Jolene. It’s not her children who are creating the problem; it’s her boyfriend’s kids and grandkids who are causing it. She wondered if I had ever written about these kids interfering with their parents’ relationships.

Jolene added, “This nonsupport situation by adult children affects other senior couples we know, in addition to us.”

I checked my Findingloveafter50.com website and was surprised to find that I have written on children negatively affecting senior relationships at least once each year in the 31 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns and eNewsletters.

To read previous eNewsletters, including how kids adversely affect their parents’ relationships, simply click on the website link above and search for the categories section. Once there, scroll down to the “Senior Dating With Children Involved” listing.

I never had children, so I’m not an expert on this subject. However, I was in a relationship for 25 years with Greta. She had four children, eight grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. I knew how important family was to her. She spent a lot of time with them, which was fine with me. I was often included. I was blessed; I had a wonderful relationship with each one of her family members.

However, somewhat related to this topic, after Greta passed away, I was immediately ghosted by the kids and grandkids. I never understood why, but I guessed it was because she included me in her estate.

The details of why and how kids affect their parents’ relationships vary greatly. It seems to me that often, the biggest reason is money. Kids, I’ve been told by Champs, are concerned that they are going to lose their inheritance to their parents’ mates or lovers. That was Jolene’s boyfriend’s kids’ concern.

Jolene added, “Shouldn’t the children be happy that their father has found love? And shouldn’t they leave our relationship to us to navigate? Rather than being thankful that their dad is happy and well cared for, all that matters to them is the money they imagine they might lose. Such a pity.

“The ironic part of this melodrama is that if they were smart, they would be kissing up to me to get part of my estate when I die! I am the one with the money.” I relate to that comment by Jolene.

Jolene continued, “Today, I spoke with an elderly woman who told me her son was not speaking to her because she had taken steps to leave her assets to her grandchildren and not her children, who were already quite well off. I comforted her by reminding her that the money was hers and she could do with it what she pleased. It was her decision not her son’s decision. She thanked me profusely.”

Jolene finished by asking: “How do Champs feel about children negatively affecting relationships? I’d like to hear their experiences.”

Tom’s comment: Hopefully, Champs will let us know. The details of every situation involving children affecting senior relationships are different. It could be money, jealousy, insecurity, favoring one child vs. the others, missing the deceased parent, or the child’s demand on the parent’s time — whatever on the children’s part, or even on the adults’ part.

If children are affecting your senior relationship negatively (it’s more common than you think), talk about it with your mate to reach a middle ground, and visit a therapist or marriage counselor if necessary.

8 Champs Speak

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
April 11, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

Included today are comments that 8 Champs shared. The above photo was taken by me in Scotland from the deck of a Holland America Line cruise ship of 8 bagpipers, not Champs, performing on the adjacent pier. Like you, Champs, their performance was glorious.

Joe, recently divorced, emailed, “My dating has been limited to meeting women on dating apps. I had an interesting thing happen at a grocery store. I noticed a cute woman in the store. I got to the laundry aisle, and there she was again, looking at items to buy. Although she didn’t look at me, I was tempted to ask if she was single. I missed my chance.

“My fear was her saying she wasn’t interested in dating me–a comment no guy likes to hear. I am not used to approaching a woman and, after talking to her, asking if she is single. I guess that I might as well try. What do I have to lose?

Tom’s comment: You have nothing to lose, and you might gain a new potential partner. Fear of being rejected applies to both men and women. Remember the woman Champ, who saw a cute guy in the medical waiting room and blew it by not talking to him?

Single men and women should carry a business card or a card that lists their first name and a safe phone number or email address they could hand to a new acquaintance. In that way, the person could reach out to you if they find you appealing. Like on dating sites, you might experience rejection, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

Terry, “I met with my ex-wife this morning to sign all the divorce papers again. My California attorney made mistakes in the original filing.

“My ex was very angry, even though she was the one who left me. The good part is that I think her anger helped me realize that our divorce was the best thing.  “With the trouble I am having securing this divorce, I will never legally marry again. This was my fourth and last marriage.”

Alison, 68, “I have enjoyed reading your articles for many years. Widowed three years ago, I ventured into the senior dating scene at the urging of good friends. They introduced me to a widower friend of theirs. We dated casually for a year before deciding to get involved more deeply. We are great companions, have similar interests, and enjoy each other’s company in many ways. He is 78.”

Cynthia, “I lost my husband many years ago and have not met anyone whom I feel chemistry like I felt before. Not to say the men I’ve met aren’t nice, they are, but it just hasn’t happened.

“However, the good news is I moved forward emotionally and physically. I’m now living in RMV (Rancho Mission Viejo, Ca.), a wonderful & great active 55+ community. And I’ve developed many new friends to boot! “I’m content with my life for now. I feel happy and grateful for who, what and where I am. And I am blessed to have reached peace of mind within myself.

“Your articles help seniors feel good (or at least better) about themselves and their situations.”

Kaitte, “I can’t believe it’s been three years since your partner passed and you’re happy again. I haven’t given up dating, it’s just that I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t make me feel like they’ll put me in a cage with their boundaries and first-date sex. And that’s before I even find out if I would like to get to know them. This cow is not for sale.

“I’ve built a good life on my tiny 1.5-acre Colorado farm over the last 10 years. I planted 1000 Spring bulbs that were at a clearance sale at Walmart in November– $500 worth of bulbs for $100. I bought them all, and they are everywhere. A man would have to be very open-minded and have his own life like yours. Give me my space.

“I don’t want a relationship that disrupts my life but adds to it.

Relationship coach Christine Baumgartner and you mention that I must give a guy a chance. I agree, but you usually know after a couple of dates if it’s going to work.”

Carolyn, “Tom’s recent romantic connection gives me hope for the future. I’m still out here looking and still enjoying myself with other like-minded seniors.   “I am 73 and active. Unfortunately, many men I encounter have health issues and many walk with a cane. Not a problem for me but they aren’t able to walk too far and fall asleep a lot!

“I always enjoy conversing with all the people I meet at the senior socials. To combat loneliness, seniors should consider joining senior centers. Those places provide many activities and social events. I absolutely love my senior center!”

Ray Freer, Laguna Woods, Calif.“ Last October, you wrote about my marriage to Libby here in Laguna Woods. We are in our mid-80s. The current buzz around the Village is an event, scheduled for Sunday, May 4 at the Outlets at San Clemente, ‘The Rotary Route: South County Walk for Mental Wellness.’ (10 a.m. to 2 p.m.)

It’s sponsored by nine Rotary Clubs across South Orange County! “Several of our Laguna Woods friends are participating. I mention the walk, thinking that nearby Champs who seek social interaction, making new friends, physical exercise, and support of a worthy cause might want to participate.

For additional information or to register: https://tinyurl.com/4fwkbsvm

Tom’s comment to Ray: Thanks for the tip. Debbie and I will be joining you and Libby on the May 4 walk. Married life appears fun and rewarding for you two lovebirds.

Michelle, “I live in Dana Point, California. I know a few Champs who reside in Orange County. What wonderful people. I asked Tom if he would mention that I am seeking a woman roommate to share my casita. It’s a half mile to the beach. Life is better when you aren’t living alone. Email me at michellvrv@gmail.com. Here is the property listing on furnished finder: https://www.furnishedfinder.com/property/594302_1

Tom’s comment. Michelle lives in a beautiful casita and is a wonderful person.

A Journey of Love and Lessons Learned

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 28, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

Like many seniors, I wasn’t prepared for dating later in life. My journey began in 1993, when my third wife (6 years), with no prior discussions or warning, moved out of my house. Two months later, she filed for divorce, leaving me to navigate the dating scene—a frustrating endeavor.

Online dating wasn’t an option back then. Fortunately, I owned Tutor and Spunky’s, a popular deli in Dana Point, California, where many appealing women walked through the deli door. However, most were significantly younger and had no interest in a recently divorced man in his mid-50s.

Struggling with the dating scene, I started a blog to document my experiences. That blog inspired my first newspaper column, published on July 7, 1994, titled, Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company.

Five years later, in my deli, an attractive, soft-spoken woman about my age with a kind and gentle disposition ordered a freshly squeezed carrot juice. While she waited for her juice, I walked over to her and asked her on a date. She said, “Yes, that would be lovely.” That started a 25-year relationship with Greta.

Though we never married, we lived together for 22 years, first in her San Clemente home, then in my Dana Point abode. She was a Special Education teacher. We travelled the world when we took time off from work.

Greta passed away on October 29, 2022. I was one lost puppy. Technically, I wasn’t a widower, but the pain and grief were the same. After months of loneliness, I decided to reenter the dating scene.

Without the deli as a dating hub, I sought other ways to connect with people. I attended a grief support group, which proved invaluable. Not only did it help me realize I wasn’t alone in my struggles, but it also introduced me to new friends—both men and women—whom I still socialize with today.

To any single senior, I highly recommend joining social groups as a way to build meaningful connections. I was aware that the dating landscape had changed dramatically over 25 years, with online dating emerging as a dominant force.

Aware of its pitfalls, I recognized that online dating also provided an opportunity to meet people beyond my immediate geographical area. With that in mind, I joined online sites Zoosk and Match.com. Despite hearing from some women that “All the good men are taken,” I remained optimistic.

Yes, I encountered scammers and dishonest individuals, but I also met wonderful women. Patience—never my strongest trait—was essential. After messaging Debbie for a few weeks, she finally messaged me back and agreed to meet.

She is 10 years younger and lives in Mission Viejo, about a half hour drive from my home in Dana Point. We began dating in May of 2023 and shared many interests. She worked as a self-employed psychotherapist and had two daughters and two grandchildren, living in other cities. Though we came from different religious backgrounds, we connected over our shared love of sports—she’s a Kansas Jayhawks fan, while I root for the Michigan Wolverines, our respective alma maters.

We also shared a love of music. She attended junior high and high school on Long Island (New York) with Billy Joel. And in the 1970s, I worked with and became friends with Johnny Cash.

Like any relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve learned to compromise and adjust—essential lessons for seniors in new relationships. We see each other three to four times a week, balancing companionship with personal space. She enjoys her time with friends, and I do the same. She also visits her family. As we approach two years together, chemistry remains. Senior dating has unique challenges, and I feel fortunate to have found Debbie.

Our journey reminds me that love and companionship are possible at any stage in life—if one remains open to the possibilities. Please send me your stories, questions, and comments.
Ask The Therapist

You may be wondering what happened to the Ask The Therapist section. There have been so many questions to Debbie (yes, that Debbie, my significant other) about senior sex that I’ve decided to have her comments about that be the entire eNewsletter next week. So tune in.

Also, a woman Champ reached out to Debbie for personal help. The woman contacted me and thanked me, saying Debbie has helped her immensely.

Was Francine too blunt about sex?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
Was Francine Too Bold about sex last week?
March 21, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

Last week, I took a chance with the eNewsletter. I published Champ Francine’s email in which she spoke openly about senior sex. Straight from the hip. Blunt, direct, and not mincing words. Very little editing on my part.

One of the comments she made: “I’m in my late 70s and would never date or be in a relationship with a man whose libido doesn’t match mine. I’ve done that, and it doesn’t work for me.”

When I published her letter, I thought, “Oh, oh. I hope a bunch of Champs don’t unsubscribe, who might have felt her comments were offensive or too bold.” And then I thought, “I’ve been writing these articles for 31 years, we’ve got some brave Champs out there, it’s okay to quote them and let them have a voice.

To my pleasant surprise, no one unsubscribed. Francine struck a chord with several Champs, both men and women. I am including some of their comments today.

Champ Sharon said, “I just had to say that Francine is right on with her comments! “Being on the same page regarding senior libido is very, very important in a relationship. From experience, I know! I had married a guy whose desire for sex was way less than mine, but I thought I could make him want me more. How stupid that was!

“It only got worse to where there was no sex or affection at all, we just existed. He was a good man as society would perceive but for me, there was emotional abuse and no sex.

“When I would talk to him about this he would say, ‘This is how I am, and if you don’t like it, you need to make some decisions.’

“When decisions were made after 20 years of a loveless marriage, I had friends who said that he does so much around the house and can fix things, and is such a good man. This is how it all came across to others. He could be nice and accommodating when around other people, but then completely shut down and be the opposite when the two of us were alone. It was almost amazing to watch.

“I can hire people to do things around my house, but not for affection, sex, or love. Wow, I’m not sure why I got on that rampage! “Francine should definitely write that book; she is spot on! And by the way I am a fellow Scorpio too, on November 17th Keep up the great work Tom, I so enjoy reading your newsletters!”

Champ Mr. Terry, Thailand, “Francine wrote a wonderful bit about sex and meeting family.”

Champ and Relationship Coach Christine shared, “I loved Francine’s thoughts. She’s a smart cookie. My ex-husband was also born on November 11.

“Also, I now have a free dating advice book on my www.ThePerfectCatch.com website. It’s a downloadable eBook. Simply click on the link at the top of the homepage that says eBook and a free copy will be emailed to you. “Plus, you can schedule a complimentary conversation with me on the website.

Champ Colleen, “Love Francine! Good article.”

Champ Granny JKaren, 79, “I sure enjoy your column as usual for at least 20 years now. I was born in November but on the 25th. It usually falls on Thanksgiving weekend. This year will be my 80th and plans are in the making to make it a real bash for this legally blonde who like you enjoys SUP (Stand Up Paddle Boarding).

“My staying single with energy has kept me occupied with my business of repairing wet suits for surfers plus I help people stage social events. “I am finally putting the finishing touches on my book titled, One Lost Puppy. I’d be honored if you read even the first chapter to make sure my humor is in place.

“I would love to invite our champs to a birthday party in the surf Getto in San Clemente, CA. once I’ve got the book in hand to celebrate with.  “I’m originally from Eastern Canada. I have a USA permanent green card and a Canadian passport. My license plates are California plates.

“I am leaving for my 11th summer in Canada since 1990 with my Chevy truck and pulling another vintage trailer up there loaded with recycled wet suit material. Why the same truck?

“I leave the trailers in British Columbia, where they are converted to custom tiny houses on my German family’s 68 Acres, near 100 Mile City in Central British Columbia. The products made from recycled material are sold to fund kids to go to college.

“My new project is waiting for a grant for wheelchair kids. My dream from my book sales this fall will allow us to make wetsuits for the kids to have freedom in the water, so they won’t weigh 300 pounds. The 1969 trailer I am taking will become an office for the project. Then, it will be used for the movie from my One Lost Puppy book.

“I was tap dancing this Monday for Saint Patrick’s Day with my sponsors Kelly & Kelly ins. Largest health insurance company in OC.”

(Note from Tom. Let’s hope, with all the tariff issues currently going on, that JKaren is allowed to cross the International Border in both directions this summer. She does a lot for charity.)

Champ Wil (Hawaii), “Yea for Francine!” (note from Tom. Wil and I worked together at the Victoria Station restaurant chain in Oakland, California, and Victoria Station Denver in 1972—merely 52 years ago. He was a great bartender and a star on the Denver restaurant’s flag football team. We are still in touch.)

Susie, “Question: how does a woman become attracted to an older man? Or if you are a man, to an older woman? I am 83 and still take good care of myself, I was a real head-turner when I was young.

“At 83, I still look pretty good because of years of working out and being a dancer, I never let myself go. I want to go on a dating site, but my age stops me. I would not be interested in a man 83, and I figure no one would be interested in me at 83.”

Champ MR, “I am a woman Champ (early 60s) and believe I speak for many women. Sex with a man after just three or four weeks together is way too soon. She needs to make sure beforehand that a guy is compatible in many ways (religion, politics, etc.), and the sexual part should come later.”