March 2026 – On Life and Love after 50

A Remarkable Woman

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 27, 2026
By Columnist Tom Blake

A Remarkable Woman Champ

I’ve often stated that Champs amaze me. This week’s Champ story adds to that feeling. Here’s why.

An email arrived in my inbox a week ago on Wednesday, March 18, 2026. The woman requested I not use her true name, so, I will call her Molly. It read, “Thank you, Tom, for honoring a promise you made to me. If you think it might lighten Jack’s burden, please do let him read my post.” (I didn’t recall that I had made a promise to Molly almost three years ago).

Molly continued, “At present, I’ve gotten older (96 years old), and lost all family and most friends. It’s a very lonely life. I’ve moved to a lovely condo by the beach. Trying to make some more friends. “Tell Jack there are many more women out there, better, more caring, and lonely too.

“Jack should have learned a lot by now about how to protect himself against money-hungry women. There are also money-hungry men. I would never ask anyone to sign anything.

“Before my fiancé passed, he wanted to leave all of his estate to me. I refused it. I didn’t want it. But I had no choice. He saw a lawyer without me knowing. And left me some things. I’ve treasured them. “I’m so sorry, Jack got tangled up with that woman.

“If I can help in any way, please let me know. Maybe my talking with Jack could help relieve his burden.”

I was beyond perplexed by Molly’s email. I had no idea who Molly was or what she was talking about. Not a clue. What promise did I make to her and when? How did I honor that promise?I didn’t know we had a 96-year-old Champ, and who the hell was the Jack she referred to?

On my Gmail account, I used the email search tool that archives previous emails and typed in Molly’s email address, which appeared in her March 16, 2026, email. The article was about Jack (not his real name), a Champ, who had made several dating mistakes when he was involved in a long-term, living-together, non-marriage relationship.

“There were a lot of financial mistakes made along the way, as well as others, but the most egregious one was his believing she would be there for him, “for richer, for poorer, and in sickness and health.”

“When Jack became seriously ill, and ended up in the hospital for a week, two weeks later she bolted! Jack was devastated. It was this scenario that Molly wanted to address. Now, almost three years later, she wrote to say that if her story would help to lighten Jack’s burden, I could now share it.

The mystery started to unravel. My Gmail archive showed that Molly had sent me an email on Jul 21, 2023, at 9:04 p.m. Earlier that day, I had published an eNewsletter titled “Love is Blind. A Senior Man Ignored Relationship Warning Signals.”

The topic was mainly about a Champ named Jack, whose relationship blunders affected his relationship. Plus, I included some details of my third marriage, in which I made relationship mistakes as well.

Molly’s July 21, 2023, email stated:

“I read your eNewsletter today and thought to myself, it could have happened to me. I’m sorry that happened to both you and Jack.

“Years ago, I lost my husband of 45 years to pancreatic cancer. We had a good marriage.

“After that, I met a psychologist recommended by my friend in New York while visiting her. She asked him to come over to help me with the loss. He stopped by and was very kind and quite intelligent.Spoke with me for hours. I had to return to California after being away for a few weeks. He kept in touch with me daily. He helped a lot. Stopped my crying and depression. This treatment went on for months.

“He mentioned how bad the ice and snow were in upstate NY. I invited him to come to sunny CA. He accepted. We got more acquainted. He told me he would never marry again. He had two very bad marriages.

“He decided he liked me and asked if we could get closer. I wasn’t quite ready. He would wait. After a few more months, he asked again. He suggested we live in NY for the summers, and spend winters in CA.

“This went on for years. We had many differences. He was a Democrat; I became a Republican. Small stuff. But then he wanted to get married. I didn’t. He got Alzheimer’s. I told him that I would help in every way possible if he could move here; I would take good care of him. We had been together for 16 years by that time. His family wanted no part of him.

“I went back to NY and helped him dispose of everything that wasn’t necessary. Brought him back to live here with me. Within a year, he got much worse. He had to be in a nursing home full-time. I had promised I would take care of him, and I kept my word because I truly cared for him. He passed away after another three years. I went to the nursing home every day.

“I took care of the burial; his family didn’t even want to talk with him when they could’ve. It broke my heart watching him decline. I’m thankful for knowing him for over twenty years.

“How anyone could just walk out on anyone sick and needy is a sin on their soul.

“Please don’t publish this email. I just felt you and your friend Jack should realize there are honest, dependable and loving women around. You must look at them with open eyes, before getting too involved.”

I emailed Molly back that same 2023 day. I wrote, “Thank you, Molly. A very touching story. You are an angel. I will honor your wishes and not publish your story.”

Checking the archives answered my questions listed above about why Molly emailed me last week. Yes, this Champ amazes me. She’s 96 and is willing to reach out now to a man I wrote about nearly three years ago. What a wonderful gesture

Molly. You amaze me.

Why Tom Needs a Break

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 13, 2026
by Columnist Tom Blake

Last Friday, the eNewsletter featured Debbie in an Ask The Therapist article about the importance of communication for couples. I was surprised that so many men responded, albeit briefly. Here are four comments from men.

An Orange County man stated, “Debbie’s article was very helpful for me. I know I need to talk some things out with my lady friend, but I don’t speak up because I want to keep the peace. Timing is important too. The way I communicate is key as well. Thanks, Debbie, for your help.”

Wayne emailed, “Debbie, “You were a great pinch hitter…excellent column. Thank you.”

Bill, “I liked your insight and smooth writing. Thank you for this very important and timely message.”

Terry, aka, the funny plumber, simply asked, “Tom, Are you okay?” He was responding to Debbie’s opening comment, which was: “Tom asked if I would write another episode of Ask the Therapist. He needed a bit of a respite after everything that has been going on in his life…”

Tom’s response to Terry “I’m fine, Terry, but I needed (and still do) a break. Please understand I’m not complaining—no whoa-is-me type of stuff.

“As many of you know, for 13 months, I’ve been trying to sell a property I’ve owned in Palm Springs for eight years. That meant lots of improvements and work projects. The property went into escrow three times and fell out. The real estate market in Palm Springs has been difficult. One of the reasons is that the Canadiens are avoiding renting or purchasing real estate out there.

They have always been a big part of the snowbird visitors and property owners. They aren’t traveling to the USA much these days. “So, there have been many time-consuming trips out there and back to Orange County. Thankfully, the property sold in late February. But all furniture that had not been sold or disposed of was shipped home via professional movers to my Dana Point home.

“And lately, I’m working on preparing my tax returns for 2025. I know that sounds silly, as we all need to do that, but with two properties (Palm Springs was a rental) I got a bit behind in my tax record-keeping. Hopefully, I will finish that challenge this week.

“Plus, writing this eNewsletter weekly and my newspaper columns bi-weekly takes several hours each week. The publisher of those three papers does not permit me to write what I’ve written in my weekly eNewsletters.

“Also, taking time was a four-day trip to San Francisco to meet up with old Victoria Station Restaurant chain buddies as we attended a special Johnny Cash tribute concert at the Bohemian Club on February 26, with 400 male club members in attendance.

“The night of the concert, my buddies told a club member that I had known Johnny Cash. The man asked if I had read Johnny’s Man In Black autobiography (see photo above). I told him I had an autographed copy of the book at home. “When I returned home, I looked at the book and saw that Johnny’s autographed message to me was signed on August 15, 1975.The book had been published on August 1, 1975, so my copy was likely one of the first of that book that Johnny signed. Thirteen million copies of that book have been sold. “

So, enough about me and why Debbie said I needed a rest. As we age, we all need to take a break occasionally. To keep the eNewsletter chugging along, we need your questions, stories, and comments. Let me hear from you.

Cheri said, “I have a question referencing background checks… whom do I contact and how long does this take…I would appreciate your response asap…I love your articles and hope you’re well.”

Background checks. That’s an important topic for next week. Share your experiences and which company you would recommend.

Ask The Therapist

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 6, 2026
By Guest Therapist Debbie Sirkin

Ask the Therapist

The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Conflict Why staying quiet to “keep the peace” may be hurting your relationship.

Hi Champs, It’s Debbie. Tom asked me if I would write another episode of Ask the Therapist. He needed a bit of a respite after everythingthat has been going on in his life, and I’ve received many thoughtful questions from so many of you. He and I thought this would be a good time to address some of them. And as always, this is your reminder that you can ask the therapist anything that’s on your mind, no subject is off limits.

My email is DebbieSirkin@gmail.com. Two issues continue to come up from you Champs, and they are very similar to what I see regularly in therapy sessions: Conflict-avoidant partners and communication problems. The two often go hand in hand.

What Is a Conflict-Avoidant Person? A conflict-avoidant person (often called a CA) is someone who avoids discussing issues thatbother them or topics that may be important to their partner. They often believe that if they don’t bring something up, they are “keeping the peace.”

This behavior can come from: • Fear of rejection or abandonment• Not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings• A desire to not disappoint the person they care about. But when someone continually avoids expressing their feelings, they are denying an important part of themselves. Over time, this can lead to resentment, frustration, hopelessness, and eventually anger.

Why Avoiding Conflict Becomes a Problem When feelings are pushed down long enough, they don’t disappear, they build. Eventually those emotions surface, often at the worst possible moment. Sometimes the reaction isn’t even directed at the partner but shows up somewhere else—like road rage or snapping at a stranger. The conflict-avoidant person believes staying quiet will keep the relationship smooth. Unfortunately, the opposite often happens.Silence can slowly erode trust. When you aren’t open about how you feel, your partner may begin to wonder whether they truly understand what’s going on with you.

Another common pattern is the mental “tally.” When the eventual explosion happens, past grievances suddenly appear: “Two years ago you did…” But those issues were never discussed at the time, and the person has been carrying the hurt far longer than necessary. Where These Patterns Often Begin Many conflict-avoidant behaviors begin in childhood. If expressing feelings growing up led to dismissal, criticism, or tension, children often learn that the safest path is to stay quiet and keep the peace.

The good news is that patterns learned earlier in life can be unlearned. Changing the Pattern To change how we behave, we must first change how we think.If speaking up in the past led to negative outcomes, it’s understandable that you may have learned to stay silent. But those beliefs can be replaced with healthier ones. Practice reminding yourself:

• My feelings are valid.• I have the right to express them.

• Honest communication can strengthen relationships.It’s also important to remember something crucial: Speaking up isn’t about controlling the other person’s reaction. It’s about expressing yourself in a healthier way and honoring your own needs.

Try Starting the Conversation This Way If you’re unsure how to begin, here are a few examples: • “It’s a little hard for me to say this, but I’d like to share how I’m feeling.”

• “My intention isn’t to argue—I just want us to understand each other better.” • “I’d really like to talk about my thoughts on X. I think together we can find a solution that works for both of us.” One very important tip: Before starting any meaningful conversation, ask the other person if it’s a good time to talk.Timing can make a big difference.

Final Thoughts Avoiding conflict may feel like the safer choice in the moment. But over time, silence can create distance, resentment, and misunderstanding. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, openness, and the courage to speak up—even when it feels uncomfortable. The encouraging news is that these patterns are learned, which means they can also be changed.

Every time you choose to communicate honestly and respectfully, you strengthen trust and deepen connection. And remember: Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. And healthy relationships make space for both. Thanks to Tom for letting me chime in this week. Please feel free to email me with comments or questions.