Columnist Tom Blake – On Life and Love after 50

Revisting Alzheimer’s and Dating

NL APRIL 24, 2026

On Life and Life After 50 eNewsletter

Columnist Tom Blake

RESPONSES TO HOPE LIVES ON

Last week, I wrote about Ann and Ben again. They represent a difficult, heart-wrenching issue seniors sometimes face: Dating when one of the couple’s spouses has severe dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease.

Previously, when we wrote about Ann and Ben’s first meeting a couple of years ago, most people disapproved of their relationship. But last week, Ann updated the situation and the responses were much more sympathetic to the couple continuing to see each other once per week or so.

Here are 12 responses (11 from women; one from a man):

Wayne shared, “Ann might want to ask Ben what his intentions are once his wife passes. Some need a mourning period after a loved one passes while others are ready to resume dating right away. I think she deserves an answer so she can prepare herself; it will also flush out how strong his feelings are towards Ann.

Francine said, “I’d like to put in my two cents. Ben is in a very stressful situation with his wife still living in the same home and ill with dementia. Of course, his first thought should be her.

“Having broken a date with Ann and then waiting for a few months to get back in touch with her, I would not trust him. I think he just needs someone to help fill the void in his life.

“I’ve had three men break off during the initial dating…married 2 and it ended in divorce. Now…my experience is not hers. Being teenagers and holding hands? Meeting once a week? You can’t build a relationship on that…there needs to be more intimacy.

“I’d suggest that Ann ask Ben that when his wife passes away, what are his plans for him and Ann? I’d be outspoken and direct. Unfortunately, both men and women can string you along, and have no problem walking away as you are simply the ‘interim’ person.

“I’m never a doom and gloom person but I’ve met way too many men. Plus, Ben’s wife might live for a long time. What would be Ben’s plans to advance his and Ann’s relationship further should that happen.

“We are not teenagers and our time on earth is limited as well. If Ann stays with Ben along this same road, I’d suggest she also date other men.”

Pat added, “Love is hard to find in any form. Ann and Ben seemed to have found a way to care for and love each other. It is not our place to judge. I wish them well and that someday they can truly spend quality time together!

“I believe in this “Love everyone…I will sort them out later. God”

Belinda, emailed, “Thanks for sharing Ann and Ben’s story.

“I know there will be many Champs who disagree with me, but I think Ann and Ben have EVERY RIGHT to find their happiness where they can at this late stage of life — assuming that Ben’s wife is provided for, whether that be by him, or in a quality care facility. HE IS STILL ALIVE, HIS LIFE GOES ON.

“When a loved one is incapacitated to the point where they are not going to get well and come back to normal brain functioning, that door is closed for their spouse or partner. Regardless of Ben providing great care for his wife, she is NOT going to get better over time.

“Why should the competent and still-able partner suffer along with them, giving up many years, even decades of what could’ve been the best time of their life?

“I think Ann and Ben are lucky to have found one another, and they obviously have a loving bond.

“Think about this, too: the bond Ben has with Ann is probably one of the major things in his life that pulls him through this time emotionally and mentally, giving him something to look forward to and YES, a reason for living, staying healthy, and being better able to manage his complicated situation.

“As Seniors, this is our time in life, the one we worked for so very hard over many years. Everyone deserves to be as happy as their situation allows. Ben is responsible and respectful when he’s with his wife and he provides her with loving care, as I’m sure he will continue to do for the remainder of her life.

“He’s also deserving of his own happiness and his own future.

I think Ann and Ben are doing JUST FINE.

Thyrza, “My heart goes out for both of them. I believe Ann can have a platonic but loving relationship with Ben. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t feel bad nurturing such a relationship.”

Jan added, “Ann, take all you can get. Life’s too short to be alone. I have friends with Alzheimer’s and most of the time they’re not here anymore. Why should the husband be miserable? Enjoy every precious moment together.”

Kaitte, “I’ve worked with Alzheimer clients. It’s hard, a no joke situation. Having an outside relationship is healthier for the one left behind. Isolation and loneliness are not mentally or physically healthy. Ben does the best he can by lovingly caring for his wife. This situation gives him the support and love to be able to cope with it. And, it keeps him sane.

Carolyn, “Oh My! I absolutely appreciate this most looked forward to eNewsletter from you Tom. What a quandary Ann is in right now! It is heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. If Ben’s wife was not living in the same home where he lives, it would be a much better outcome for both Ann and Ben.

“Ben is ridden by guilt because after his lovely day with Ann, he has to go back home and see his still living but Alzheimer’s ridden wife. This situation is not a healthy one for sure. Ann is somewhat in a holding pattern waiting for the demise of Ben’s wife. This is not healthy for either of these lovely people. They are both caught between a rock and a hard place.

“Tom, what are your thoughts on this situation? Ann has so much more life to live with someone who would be present for her all the time. There are no guarantees in life, however, we can control the situations that we become involved in. Ann has become Ben’s therapist and sidepiece! It’s definitely not good for Ann!

“Thank you for always keeping the Champs up to date on these most thought-provoking issues! Whew! This is certainly a tough one indeed!”

S (a woman Champ), stated, “Has Anne verified that the wife indeed has Alzheimer’s? If true and advanced, I see nothing wrong with the relationship.”

Lynn, “What happened to ‘in sickness and in health, until death do us part?”

“I wonder how Ann or Ben would feel if they were the spouse in the care center?

“I’m confused, is this an on-line dating story? It seems to me that Ben likely misrepresented himself and Ann let herself be swept in?

Tom’s comment. Lynn, that isn’t what happened. Ben didn’t know Ann. He told a neighbor he was lonely. He did not misrepresent himself. He told Ann about his situation. Ann was lonely and yes allowed herself to fall in love, as so many of us have ‘allowed ourselves’ to do in our lives, when we’ve met someone, we were attracted to.

To comment on Lynn’s statement below, Ben treats his wife amazingly well dealing with her 10 years of dementia, with 24/7 caregivers.

Lynn continued, “Ann refers to Ben asking to end the relationship as a ‘one-day setback’, like he missed taking the trash out once. He clearly asked for an end to the relationship!

“I’m sure Ann can and will do what she wants to do, but this Tom catting (no pun intended) around is ridiculous. I for one am NOT buying what Ben is selling! In the event these two continue to carry on this relationship, does Ann think Ben will not treat her the way he is treating his current wife?

“WOW…that was a jaw dropper!”

New. “I don’t see anything wrong with Ann deciding to be with this man knowing all his story; he sounds like a real good man and taking care of his wife through all her bad health is commended.

Virgina shared: Today people live longer. The marriage vow, “till death do us part” can be a cruel punishment. If one mate no longer has mental capacities to recognize and interact with a life mate, maybe we should take a good hard look at that vow, so it is adjusted to today’s longevity and health issues. Various religious beliefs and certain ancient rules and laws need to change with the times.

Hope Lives On

On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter

April 17, 2026

Columnist Tom Blake

On January 10, 2025, the eNewsletter was titled, “False Hope.” It was about a Champ named Ann, not her true name, who wrote that she had met a man named Ben (name changed also) whose wife had had Alzheimer’s Disease for 10 years.Ben’s wife still lived at home under his care. On Christmas Day, 2024, Ben contacted Ann and they met for a glass of wine that day and found they were attracted to each other, especially Ann attracted to Ben.

Ann emailed me often in early 2025 about her encounters with Ben. On May 26, 2025, Ann emailed me, “I heard from Ben on Mother’s Day, remember him with the Alzheimer wife? He lovingly wished me happy Mother’s Day and, of course, I was over the moon.

The next eNewsletter, January 17, 2025 (Both eNewsletters can be read on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website, featured 22 responses from Champs about the brief encounter Ann had with Ben. Almost all responses felt Ben was cheating on his wife and Ann was totally out of line.

“I thanked him and said I thought of him and hoped he was well. He also texted me on Easter, this coming from a man who wanted the door closed. I responded.

Last week, she emailed again.

“I have no idea how his wife is doing, apparently, she’s still here and things might be the same. I think you know how I feel about Ben; he is still the one for me.”

“Then, in the evening he responded to my text and said he also thought of me and here comes the next thing that sent me shivers, he said maybe someday we can go out for dinner.

Ann emailed me several times in 2025 and early 2026, always writing about Ben.

“I have been seeing Ben, I believe I wrote you after he bailed again but I did not follow up with what happened after. The next day, after the breakup, he texted me, it was heartbreaking to read how he poured out his heart.

“He said he didn’t know what had come over him, that life was so stressful with his wife still alive, but lovingly taken care every day and night.

“Ben said he had deep feelings for me and didn’t want to lose me, could I please forgive him and could we talk. We did and got some things straightened out; I felt more understanding as this continues to be a difficult situation for us both.

“Ben tries hard to include me in his life; he has a very busy business plus he visits his wife (living separately in their home) a couple of times a day.

“He obviously loves her and makes sure she has every comfort possible; I love that about him as well as other things. You know Tom, I have loved Ben for over a year, and I believe he had strong feelings about me and decided last Christmas to visit me again.

“Tom, there is never a guarantee in life, not for me, not for you or anyone for that matter.

“I believe I told you about our reunion, we just flew into each other’s arms after 10 months and almost cried with joy.
He had that little one-day setback but promised to never hurt me again.

“Ben has been loving and considerate since, we have gone out to dinner, to lunch and we see each other once a week, sometimes like this week, twice for lunch.

“We visit each other’s homes, and I feel comfortable in his house.
He holds my hand during lunch, kisses me frequently and thinks I am eye candy, a cute expression he uses.

“As I mentioned, it’s not ideal, I want to see more of him but know the limits, don’t want to push it and let him talk about his pain, (his wife and both daughters he lost a few years ago).

“It now has been almost three months of being together, I know he loves me and I am loving him.

“I am older now, it feels right to be with Ben and one day, we can spend more time together once his wife is no longer with us.
I am grateful for this love.”

A Remarkable Woman

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 27, 2026
By Columnist Tom Blake

A Remarkable Woman Champ

I’ve often stated that Champs amaze me. This week’s Champ story adds to that feeling. Here’s why.

An email arrived in my inbox a week ago on Wednesday, March 18, 2026. The woman requested I not use her true name, so, I will call her Molly. It read, “Thank you, Tom, for honoring a promise you made to me. If you think it might lighten Jack’s burden, please do let him read my post.” (I didn’t recall that I had made a promise to Molly almost three years ago).

Molly continued, “At present, I’ve gotten older (96 years old), and lost all family and most friends. It’s a very lonely life. I’ve moved to a lovely condo by the beach. Trying to make some more friends. “Tell Jack there are many more women out there, better, more caring, and lonely too.

“Jack should have learned a lot by now about how to protect himself against money-hungry women. There are also money-hungry men. I would never ask anyone to sign anything.

“Before my fiancé passed, he wanted to leave all of his estate to me. I refused it. I didn’t want it. But I had no choice. He saw a lawyer without me knowing. And left me some things. I’ve treasured them. “I’m so sorry, Jack got tangled up with that woman.

“If I can help in any way, please let me know. Maybe my talking with Jack could help relieve his burden.”

I was beyond perplexed by Molly’s email. I had no idea who Molly was or what she was talking about. Not a clue. What promise did I make to her and when? How did I honor that promise?I didn’t know we had a 96-year-old Champ, and who the hell was the Jack she referred to?

On my Gmail account, I used the email search tool that archives previous emails and typed in Molly’s email address, which appeared in her March 16, 2026, email. The article was about Jack (not his real name), a Champ, who had made several dating mistakes when he was involved in a long-term, living-together, non-marriage relationship.

“There were a lot of financial mistakes made along the way, as well as others, but the most egregious one was his believing she would be there for him, “for richer, for poorer, and in sickness and health.”

“When Jack became seriously ill, and ended up in the hospital for a week, two weeks later she bolted! Jack was devastated. It was this scenario that Molly wanted to address. Now, almost three years later, she wrote to say that if her story would help to lighten Jack’s burden, I could now share it.

The mystery started to unravel. My Gmail archive showed that Molly had sent me an email on Jul 21, 2023, at 9:04 p.m. Earlier that day, I had published an eNewsletter titled “Love is Blind. A Senior Man Ignored Relationship Warning Signals.”

The topic was mainly about a Champ named Jack, whose relationship blunders affected his relationship. Plus, I included some details of my third marriage, in which I made relationship mistakes as well.

Molly’s July 21, 2023, email stated:

“I read your eNewsletter today and thought to myself, it could have happened to me. I’m sorry that happened to both you and Jack.

“Years ago, I lost my husband of 45 years to pancreatic cancer. We had a good marriage.

“After that, I met a psychologist recommended by my friend in New York while visiting her. She asked him to come over to help me with the loss. He stopped by and was very kind and quite intelligent.Spoke with me for hours. I had to return to California after being away for a few weeks. He kept in touch with me daily. He helped a lot. Stopped my crying and depression. This treatment went on for months.

“He mentioned how bad the ice and snow were in upstate NY. I invited him to come to sunny CA. He accepted. We got more acquainted. He told me he would never marry again. He had two very bad marriages.

“He decided he liked me and asked if we could get closer. I wasn’t quite ready. He would wait. After a few more months, he asked again. He suggested we live in NY for the summers, and spend winters in CA.

“This went on for years. We had many differences. He was a Democrat; I became a Republican. Small stuff. But then he wanted to get married. I didn’t. He got Alzheimer’s. I told him that I would help in every way possible if he could move here; I would take good care of him. We had been together for 16 years by that time. His family wanted no part of him.

“I went back to NY and helped him dispose of everything that wasn’t necessary. Brought him back to live here with me. Within a year, he got much worse. He had to be in a nursing home full-time. I had promised I would take care of him, and I kept my word because I truly cared for him. He passed away after another three years. I went to the nursing home every day.

“I took care of the burial; his family didn’t even want to talk with him when they could’ve. It broke my heart watching him decline. I’m thankful for knowing him for over twenty years.

“How anyone could just walk out on anyone sick and needy is a sin on their soul.

“Please don’t publish this email. I just felt you and your friend Jack should realize there are honest, dependable and loving women around. You must look at them with open eyes, before getting too involved.”

I emailed Molly back that same 2023 day. I wrote, “Thank you, Molly. A very touching story. You are an angel. I will honor your wishes and not publish your story.”

Checking the archives answered my questions listed above about why Molly emailed me last week. Yes, this Champ amazes me. She’s 96 and is willing to reach out now to a man I wrote about nearly three years ago. What a wonderful gesture

Molly. You amaze me.

Why Tom Needs a Break

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 13, 2026
by Columnist Tom Blake

Last Friday, the eNewsletter featured Debbie in an Ask The Therapist article about the importance of communication for couples. I was surprised that so many men responded, albeit briefly. Here are four comments from men.

An Orange County man stated, “Debbie’s article was very helpful for me. I know I need to talk some things out with my lady friend, but I don’t speak up because I want to keep the peace. Timing is important too. The way I communicate is key as well. Thanks, Debbie, for your help.”

Wayne emailed, “Debbie, “You were a great pinch hitter…excellent column. Thank you.”

Bill, “I liked your insight and smooth writing. Thank you for this very important and timely message.”

Terry, aka, the funny plumber, simply asked, “Tom, Are you okay?” He was responding to Debbie’s opening comment, which was: “Tom asked if I would write another episode of Ask the Therapist. He needed a bit of a respite after everything that has been going on in his life…”

Tom’s response to Terry “I’m fine, Terry, but I needed (and still do) a break. Please understand I’m not complaining—no whoa-is-me type of stuff.

“As many of you know, for 13 months, I’ve been trying to sell a property I’ve owned in Palm Springs for eight years. That meant lots of improvements and work projects. The property went into escrow three times and fell out. The real estate market in Palm Springs has been difficult. One of the reasons is that the Canadiens are avoiding renting or purchasing real estate out there.

They have always been a big part of the snowbird visitors and property owners. They aren’t traveling to the USA much these days. “So, there have been many time-consuming trips out there and back to Orange County. Thankfully, the property sold in late February. But all furniture that had not been sold or disposed of was shipped home via professional movers to my Dana Point home.

“And lately, I’m working on preparing my tax returns for 2025. I know that sounds silly, as we all need to do that, but with two properties (Palm Springs was a rental) I got a bit behind in my tax record-keeping. Hopefully, I will finish that challenge this week.

“Plus, writing this eNewsletter weekly and my newspaper columns bi-weekly takes several hours each week. The publisher of those three papers does not permit me to write what I’ve written in my weekly eNewsletters.

“Also, taking time was a four-day trip to San Francisco to meet up with old Victoria Station Restaurant chain buddies as we attended a special Johnny Cash tribute concert at the Bohemian Club on February 26, with 400 male club members in attendance.

“The night of the concert, my buddies told a club member that I had known Johnny Cash. The man asked if I had read Johnny’s Man In Black autobiography (see photo above). I told him I had an autographed copy of the book at home. “When I returned home, I looked at the book and saw that Johnny’s autographed message to me was signed on August 15, 1975.The book had been published on August 1, 1975, so my copy was likely one of the first of that book that Johnny signed. Thirteen million copies of that book have been sold. “

So, enough about me and why Debbie said I needed a rest. As we age, we all need to take a break occasionally. To keep the eNewsletter chugging along, we need your questions, stories, and comments. Let me hear from you.

Cheri said, “I have a question referencing background checks… whom do I contact and how long does this take…I would appreciate your response asap…I love your articles and hope you’re well.”

Background checks. That’s an important topic for next week. Share your experiences and which company you would recommend.

Two Tuesdays in July 2025

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

by Tom Blake Columnist

Last week’s eNewsletter was titled The Sound of Silence. It was based on a Paul Simon concert that my significant other Debbie and I attended in Long Beach, California on Tuesday, July 8.

Here are a few responses from Champs to that eNewsletter.

Kathy, “OM Gosh great newsletter! Saw Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel twice – last time was some months after 9/11/01 at Madison Square Garden and the other time was way back in the 60’s before they became who they became. I’ve been an ardent admirer of Simon forever and think of him as a genius.

I’ve seen the movie The Graduate several hundreds of times Scarborough Fair is one of my favorite songs as is April Come She Will but there is a Simon and Garfunkel song that I think is hauntingly beautiful and ranks as one of this gal’s favorites; For Emily whenever I might find her.

I love that Paul also wrote a song with my name in it, Kathy’s Song. Good memories, great music.

Carmen, My high school classmate, “My favorite line from the song is “The words of the prophets were written on the subway walls and tenement halls …

“I also liked Kodachrome.

“I dated a woman when I worked in Mexico City who dated Paul once.”

SW, a woman co-worker at the Victoria Station restaurant chain. “Beautiful column, Tom!!

“I went through a phase of listening to one of the Simon and Garfunkel CDs in my car this year – absolutely love them – and The Graduate!

Margo, “In college, I took a film class. I made a movie using the music and lyrics to “The Sound of Silence.” I think it was pretty good. I’m disappointed I never went back and retrieved the films I created. It remains one of my favorites.”

Gloria, “Another newsletter near and dear to my heart. The Sound of Silence.

“I have always loved the song and most of the other songs you mentioned; The Boxer, Slip Sliding Away and Homeward Bound.

“I saw The Graduate a few times. One of my other favorite songs is Mrs. Robinson. When my grandchildren were smaller, I would take them out for pizza and played that song in the car as we all sang along. To this day, if any of them hear it, they text or call me and tell me all about it.

“Such insight from Simon to have written those words so long ago.”

Francine “Simon and Garfunkel both grew up in Forest Hills, Queens (NYC) where I lived from 1965-1968. Forest Hills is home to the Tennis Stadium which used to have a lot of concerts. I lived right down the street and heard the concerts for free, including Simon and Garfunkel. The Graduate was an amazing movie.

Ted, a high school classmate, married 60 + years: “The Sound of Silence is my favorite Simon & Garfunkel song. Closing the show with it was perfect! Yes, Debbie won the one-dollar bet. Where have the year’s gone?”

Beckie “I’m probably not the 1st one to tell you the song was on a 33rpm record, not a 78rpm as you mentioned. “The Graduate. Fine movie, wonderful songs.”

Julie, “All your columns are wonderful, but this one is my new favorite. You have a way of tying things together and putting the reader right inside these events! Who doesn’t love The Graduate and Simon and Garfunkel?

“This is how I live my life too! Acting on opportunities that seem to drop in my lap. I guess you and I both connect with people. Our open minds and hearts keep the fun coming from many unexpected places (e.g., The Racker neighbors)

“May you continue to experience these fruits of your relationship-building, and a life well lived! Including the physical stamina to climb into a concert venue. I’m cheering for you!”

Carolyn, “Wow! Loved reading this beautiful eNewsletter! Jake and Kresta Racker are amazing friends to have!

“As of this April, Simon and Garfunkel were speaking again and talking about a possible concert featuring both. I always keep hope alive for this make-up, break-up duo. I love them and value their delicious music. Always so heartfelt and true.

“Super happy that Simon came out at the end to sing that beautiful Sound Of Silence. (Debbie won the $1 bet fair and square!) Fingers crossed that I shall see them sing together one last time. The Graduate has always been a fan favorite”! Phenomenal acting!”

Tom’s speech on Tuesday, July 15

Approximately 50 people attended my speech at the Susi Q Senior Center in Laguna Beach. I was pleased that the events coordinator Christine Brewer had all the equipment working perfectly. My buddy Jim Fallon advanced the Power Point slides with a remote gadget when I gave him the nod. Overall, I thought it went well.

Champ Wayne mentioned to me that the ratio of single women to single men attending to be about 5 to one.

For me, the heroes among the attendees were Ray and Libby Freer, a couple in their mid-80s who married in June 2024. In the slides, I had included as the final slide a photo of them walking down the aisle after their marriage as a sign of hope that romance can happen after age 80. There had been a gap of 70 years since they had seen each other. I didn’t know they were coming to the speech. Both shared their story and advice with the audience during the Q & A at the end.

In particular, Ray stressed that a characterists-wanted in a mate list I had included in the February 10, 2023, eNewsletter helped him and Libby decide they were well suited for each other to marry. I checked the archives and found that list and am including it here.

Tom’s Suggested List Of Characters Wanted in a Mate

1 He makes me his top priority and treats me with respect

2. I am physically attracted to him. And he to me

3. We must enjoy being together and feel comfortable

4. He must not smoke or take drugs

5. He must be financially self-sufficient and willing to share expenses

6. He takes care of his health

7. He must be available to see me three to four times per week

8. We don’t have to have similar interests, but similar core values

9. He must be kind and considerate to others

10. We must agree on politics

11. Our religious beliefs don’t have to be the same, but neither of us can be zealots or closed-minded to the partner’s beliefs

12. He must be open to having a new relationship. We must be able to talk about our former spouses and mates without the other person feeling jealous or compared to. If a person talks about a former mate incessantly, that person is likely not for you.

End list

Yes, it was a busy two Tuesdays in July.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter The Sound of Silence

July 11, 2025

By Columnist Tom Blake

On May 14, I received a text from my next-door neighbor, Jake Rackers. I was surprised to learn that he was texting from the Ryman Auditorium, the music venue in Nashville, Tennessee, the original home of the Grand Ole Opry. He was attending and enjoying a concert by Paul Simon.

Why was Jake texting me from there? On many occasions, Jake, his wife Kresta and I listened to music together on our back patios and they were aware of my connection to Nashville, Johnny Cash, and the Ryman. Jake wanted me to know how great Simon was performing.

As some of you know, I worked with Johhny Cash in the 1970s when I was the Marketing Director for the Victoria Station Restaurant Chain. I remained friends of Johnny and his wife June Carter until they both passed away in 2003. I had seen them perform at the Ryman. And I co-produced an album of Johnny’s train songs, which is on display at the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville.

Jake bought me a “Paul Simon In Concert” T-shirt, which I cherish (See photos). On the back of the shirt, Simon’s North America 2025 tour stops are listed. Jake pointed out that Simon was scheduled to appear in Long Beach on July 7 and in Los Angeles for five nights at the Walt Disney Concert Hall beginning on July 9. Jake recommended that Debbie (my significant other) and I attend one of Simon’s concerts.

Last Sunday, Debbie mentioned to me that Simon’s concert in Long Beach was postponed for one day to July 8. We decided to try to get tickets and were successful.

I’ve been a fan of Simon and Garfunkel for many, many years. In 1968, after serving in the Vietnam War and graduating from the University of Michigan Business School, I was living in New York City working for American Airlines.

A woman I was dating pleaded with me to take her to the movie “The Graduate,” starring Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft. I hadn’t heard of the movie and thought the movie sounded boring. She threatened to never go out with me again if I didn’t take her. I reluctantly agreed, feeling I was being dragged into the most yawning two hours of my life.

The movie began. In the opening scene, Ben, played by Hoffman, was in the Los Angeles Airport walking in the concourse, having just arrived home after graduating from college. Then the music soundtrack came on. The first song was “The Sound of Silence.” My attitude did an immediate 360 turn. I loved that song. I loved that movie. The Sound of Silence was played three times in the movie. It was written by Simon when he was age 21.

Other songs I liked by Simon and Garfunkel were also in the movie’s soundtrack including “Mrs. Robinson,” “Scarborough Fair,” and “April Come She Will.”

The film won an Oscar. It was the highest grossing film of 1967 and is one of the top 25 films in history. I purchased the 78-rpm record album “The Graduate” as soon as it was available. If you’ve never seen the movie “The Graduate,” I encourage you to watch it. Still incredible after 57 years.

Since then, I’ve enjoyed Paul Simon’s music. It’s been a huge chunk of my life. In my first newspaper column published on July 7, 1994, I quoted these words from the song, “Graceland.”

“Losing love is like a window in your heart, everyone sees you’re blown apart…”

I thank The Rackers for reaching out about Paul Simon’s upcoming appearances and giving Debbie and me a nudge to go see him live. Neighbors like the Rackers are priceless.

Tuesday night, Debbie and I drove to the Terrace Concert Hall in Long Beach. We had prepaid for parking, but the lot was already packed. Snacks and beverages could be purchased outside the concert hall. Our seats were six rows from the top. It’s a beautiful facility with perfect acoustics.

Debbie commented she should have brought her binoculars. It appeared that 99 percent of the seats were filled. Simon and the nine-piece band emerged at 8:15. The crowd rose to their feet with a standing ovation. It was a goose-bump moment.

Debbie and I made a one-dollar bet. “What would be the first song, and the last song played? I said, “First, The Sound of Silence.” She said, “Last, The Sound of Silence.”

Before the music started, Simon spoke and said the first seven songs would be new material. I didn’t recognize any of those. Then, they took an intermission.

On the band’s return to the stage, they opened with “Graceland,” the song I mentioned above.

The next song was “Slip Sliding Away.” Mostly familiar songs followed, including “Homeward Bound.” The concert took over two hours with each of the nine musicians featured. The crowd was on its feet often. Simon’s voice is still strong. The show ended with “The Boxer.” The band left the stage, including Simon. The Sound of Silence hadn’t been played. But that wasn’t the finale.

Of course, the shouting and yelling for an encore reverberated throughout the concert hall. And of course, they returned and played three more songs. Then the band left again. But Simon remained by himself on stage. He grabbed his guitar. And sang solo, you know what: “The Sound of Silence.” The crowd was on their feet, thrilled with the final piece of music.

A glorious night of memories came to an end. It was worth every dollar we spent and the hour drive to get to the Terrace Theatre. Paul Simon is a genius. One of the most prolific song writers ever.

I gave Debbie the dollar. She had been right about the concert ending with “The Sound of Silence.”

Tom’s Speech – Laguna Beach Susi Q Senior Center

380 Third Street

This coming Tuesday, July 15, 5:00 pm to 6:30.

Limited seating, no cost, very limited parking in garage below and do not park in the spaces requiring parking permits. I recommend parking at an outside meter nearby or at a different parking garage.

2 Senior Women With Different Retirement Outlooks

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

By Columnist Tom Blake

NL May 23, 2025

Two women with decidedly different outlooks on senior life

Helen

Helen emailed, “Single woman fear of dating. I need some assistance; okay, I need help. I am 71, and the monster under my bed is dating. I live in fear of dating. My last real date was in 1981. I’ve been a widow for 10 years. I tried a couple of coffee/lunch dates and had no success. I was knocked off the horse, and I just can’t seem to get back in the saddle. I’m not that young, cute girl. I lost my confidence, and I am afraid to try again. Yes, I’m chicken.

“I want a second chance, but I have convinced myself it will be a disaster. I am not the perfect older woman these men seem to be searching for. At the grocery store, I would be on the dented can aisle.

“I am all too knowledgeable about my issues. I lean on those instead of my good qualities. I think the pain of widowhood has taken away my confidence and left me feeling like failure is my only route.

“I have lots of good qualities. I’m clever, creative, intelligent, funny, and likable. I’m kind, caring, and loving. I put others first, I’m a good listener, and I know I’m still a keeper. But in the back of my head, I think of my flaws and my age. I consider myself a used car and not a classic. And I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

“I injured my ankle, so I can’t compete in pickleball. And I’m not a hardbody, but my sons say I’m still cute. I know I don’t look my age or act it either because I’m young at heart, and I’m reminded about this by strangers. I just need a kick in the butt. I need to polish up my courage and spirit.

“So, Tom, I need to pick your brain, hit up your knowledge and hope you have ideas for me.”

Tom’s comment: With all the good qualities you describe, I don’t understand your fear. You’re young, and it doesn’t matter that you can’t play pickleball. With my bony knees, I can’t either. I strongly suggest you contact a therapist to overcome your fears.

Maria

Some Champs have told me they are bored in retirement. They don’t know what to do. One Champ named Maria messaged me this week with how she is enjoying retirement and getting exercise at the same time.

I’ve known her for many years. She was my dental hygienist. Now, she has started a new business. The brochure below explains her new adventure.

Maria lives in Ironwood, near Ranco Cucamonga and Ontario, in Riverside County, California, just north of the 10 freeway. She is open to servicing customers within 25 miles of her home.

She is a reliable and wonderful woman. Trust her to take care of your dogs.

A Senior Man’s first-date jitters

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 9, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

A senior man’s first-date jitters

Bill, a widower in his mid-70s, emailed me for guidance regarding an upcoming first date with a woman he met on Match.com.

I thought it might be interesting, particularly to our women Champs, to know what a man thinks about before and after a first date with a woman.

Bill wrote, “I met an attractive woman on Match.com. She’s 10 years younger. She and I agreed to meet for coffee at a location about halfway between where we live, a two-mile drive for each of us. From her profile picture, she is pretty. I’m a little nervous. Her name is Jackie.

“We talked over the phone and knew at least we had a good conversation before we got together. That is a must for first-date people!”

“Can you give me any advice?”

I replied, “Is this your first date since your wife passed away?”

Bill answered, “No, I’ve had a few dates, but I’m not exactly Joe Stud, you know. But I’d like to impress her.”

I said, “Relax, I can tell you are nervous. But that’s ok, after all, this could become your future mate. Just slow down and calm down.”

“It goes without saying to wear a clean shirt. Smile when you greet her and shake her hand. No hug or kiss when you first approach each other. Men tend to talk too much when they are nervous. Be sure you ask questions about her. Encourage her to talk. Make direct eye contact with her. Smile. Use first-date etiquette; actually, any date etiquette.”

Bill said, “Thanks, that will help me break the ice. I will talk for no more than 40 percent of the time and ask her questions. Her profile says she still works full time. I will let you know how it goes.”

A few days later, after his first date, Bill sent me an update. “It went okay with Jackie. She is pretty. Will we see each other again? Probably. It could happen, but I’m unsure. Frankly, it wasn’t a great connection. She didn’t ask me many questions. I’m 6’ 1; she’s 5’6”—so that works for me. Not too tall and not too short.

“You kind of know if a woman is very interested, somewhat interested or not interested in you. She is somewhat only. But who knows for sure?

“She is divorced and didn’t talk about her ex at all. When I mentioned my wife, this woman sort of felt bad but had no questions about me. When I talked about my interests, the conversation didn’t go very far, but we stayed with her interests and travels.

“It possibly could go somewhere, but I didn’t think she appreciated the breakfast sandwich and beverage because I would have liked a nice thank you for my effort (liked she kind of expected me to pay and I guess that’s ok.)

“She steered away from future plans. I didn’t ask if she wanted to get together again or make any future plans.

“We didn’t get into politics and talked about schools, kids and travel. I probably could have gotten a little more personal and asked what she thought of me. But I don’t want any rejection. We talked for over an hour, so it was going ok, but probably not a strong connection.

“So where does this go? I’m not sure and I’m not clear about my feelings. I could reach out again, but I may leave the ball in her court for her to reach out to me if she is interested enough. So maybe I will ghost her or send her a text in a week to see how she is doing.

“I mentioned a few ideas about walking together on a hike near the beach or something and got no response on any idea she might have to do something. So, no, the date success wasn’t 100%, but more like 35%.

“At the end, I gave her a small hug, but she wasn’t responsive. So, it left me thinking, ‘Do I want to pursue her anymore?’ Maybe there would be too much work involved. She still works and seems busy. Perhaps some of my thoughts may help her. I want some kind of gratification or some kind of future interest to make me think that she and I want a relationship.

“Oh yes, I said at the very end, ‘Do you prefer a text or a call? She said ‘either.’ So, she could be still in it, but not who knows? Maybe it’s me because of my feelings. I don’t need to start chasing or try to create a fun experience. I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere.”

Tom’s Comment: So that’s how a nice gentleman feels. If there’s any message in Bill’s story for women, it’s that if you like a guy like Bill on a first date, be a little more assertive, showing affection like a kiss on the cheek and saying, “Let’s get together again.” And ask him more questions. However, what Jackie did may indicate that she doesn’t want to proceed seeing him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Senior dating sure has its challenges.

Is 83 too old to date?

Are children affecting your relationship?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 18, 2025

by Columnist Tom Blake

I had a wake-up call on Monday morning while preparing this week’s eNewsletter. My phone was about 15″ from me on my desktop. The loudest warning alert I’d ever heard from that phone jolted me shortly after 10 a.m. One second later, when the house began shaking, I realized a strong (5.2) earthquake was happening.

I hustled to the rear patio to get outside. I looked to my right. My neighbor Jake was outside holding his phone. I looked to my left. My neighbor Aaron was outside holding his phone. We agreed the quake was a doozie. Over 35 years, I’ve felt four earthquakes while inside my home. This was the scariest. Fortunately, there was no damage.

Like the Pony Express, the mail must go through. Despite unusual circumstances, the eNewsletter must be published. Have a safe week, Champs.

And now, this week’s topic:

Kids Interfering With Parents’ Relationships

A month ago, a woman, Champ, 76, living in the Midwest, wrote me about children interfering with her relationship with a man she’s dated for five years. Let’s call her Jolene. It’s not her children who are creating the problem; it’s her boyfriend’s kids and grandkids who are causing it. She wondered if I had ever written about these kids interfering with their parents’ relationships.

Jolene added, “This nonsupport situation by adult children affects other senior couples we know, in addition to us.”

I checked my Findingloveafter50.com website and was surprised to find that I have written on children negatively affecting senior relationships at least once each year in the 31 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns and eNewsletters.

To read previous eNewsletters, including how kids adversely affect their parents’ relationships, simply click on the website link above and search for the categories section. Once there, scroll down to the “Senior Dating With Children Involved” listing.

I never had children, so I’m not an expert on this subject. However, I was in a relationship for 25 years with Greta. She had four children, eight grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. I knew how important family was to her. She spent a lot of time with them, which was fine with me. I was often included. I was blessed; I had a wonderful relationship with each one of her family members.

However, somewhat related to this topic, after Greta passed away, I was immediately ghosted by the kids and grandkids. I never understood why, but I guessed it was because she included me in her estate.

The details of why and how kids affect their parents’ relationships vary greatly. It seems to me that often, the biggest reason is money. Kids, I’ve been told by Champs, are concerned that they are going to lose their inheritance to their parents’ mates or lovers. That was Jolene’s boyfriend’s kids’ concern.

Jolene added, “Shouldn’t the children be happy that their father has found love? And shouldn’t they leave our relationship to us to navigate? Rather than being thankful that their dad is happy and well cared for, all that matters to them is the money they imagine they might lose. Such a pity.

“The ironic part of this melodrama is that if they were smart, they would be kissing up to me to get part of my estate when I die! I am the one with the money.” I relate to that comment by Jolene.

Jolene continued, “Today, I spoke with an elderly woman who told me her son was not speaking to her because she had taken steps to leave her assets to her grandchildren and not her children, who were already quite well off. I comforted her by reminding her that the money was hers and she could do with it what she pleased. It was her decision not her son’s decision. She thanked me profusely.”

Jolene finished by asking: “How do Champs feel about children negatively affecting relationships? I’d like to hear their experiences.”

Tom’s comment: Hopefully, Champs will let us know. The details of every situation involving children affecting senior relationships are different. It could be money, jealousy, insecurity, favoring one child vs. the others, missing the deceased parent, or the child’s demand on the parent’s time — whatever on the children’s part, or even on the adults’ part.

If children are affecting your senior relationship negatively (it’s more common than you think), talk about it with your mate to reach a middle ground, and visit a therapist or marriage counselor if necessary.