| On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter January 21, 2022 2022 eNewsletter #3 by Tom Blake – Columnist Senior Dating tips. Four ways for seniors to meet a potential mate during the pandemic Champ Sonia (see her picture above) emailed that she wants to date someone her age or younger. She wrote, “I’ve read your eNewsletters for several years and I love them. I am 63 and would like to date someone my age or some years younger. “You are so far away from me, but I would love to participate in one of your Meet and Greet sessions but I don’t know how to do it because of the distance and now the situation with the new covid.” Tom replied, “Thanks for writing, and thank you for being a Champ for several years. I understand your frustration with the Covid situation, which is affecting senior singles not only in PA, where you live but across the world. At 63, you should normally be able to meet eligible men within your dating age range (even younger), but Covid has thrown the proverbial monkey wrench into the search. Even the Meet and Greet sessions you refer to at Tutor & Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point, California, have been on hold for two years now. So, don’t get on a plane or a train to come to the Meet & Greets—all you could meet would be meat—as in a pastrami sandwich–for example. So, you’d be wiser to try to meet someone closer to you in PA or adjacent states, someone who would be within reasonable driving distance. How to do that during the pandemic? In four ways: 1 Try senior online dating. You won’t even need to wear a mask while you’re online. Our November 19 eNewsletter was titled, “Which online dating site is best for seniors?” I’m not an internet dating expert. So, I quoted our Champ Christine Baumgartner, an expert dating and relationship coach. Christine lives in Orange County, California, and calls her business “The Perfect Catch.” Here’s what I wrote on November 19, 2021 in an eNewsletter, which is on this website. “When Christine is asked by a client which dating site is the best one, her reply is, ‘This may surprise you. They’re generally all the same.” To read more about senior online dating, go to Christine’s Facebook page. She’s got great material on there. Or to her website (the link is listed below). Use a site that caters to seniors such as Silver Singles or OurTime (owned by Match.com). Most sites will charge a monthly fee. POF (Plenty of Fish) doesn’t unless you upgrade, but it has a reputation for having scammers. And speaking of scammers, be careful no matter what online site you choose. There are scammers on every site. They prey on lonely seniors, primarily widows, so there is a risk in online dating. But, by going online, you’d be able to establish a reasonable search radius, say within 50 miles of where you live in PA 2 Get off the couch and out of the house when the pandemic eases. Still take precautions—wear a mask, meet people outside when possible, keep social distancing. If you see a man who appears to be single—no wedding ring, for example—and he appeals to you, be assertive by saying hello or ask him a question like, “Which wine goes best with this salad?” Be assertive, but not aggressive. When senior singles venture out and embark on a new activity, their chances of meeting a potential mate increase. Here’s a story I heard this week, while on my Stand Up Paddleboard in Dana Point Harbor, of all places. As I was paddling from shore, a guy on his board yelled, “Hey Tom, I attended several of your Meet & Greets and enjoyed them.”I said, “Did you find a mate there?”“No,” he said, “but I learned from what you often said to us–to get involved in activities we enjoy. So, I took ukulele lessons and met my partner there. We have a lot in common. Thanks for the advice and for having those events.” I never thought I’d hear a success story like that on a paddleboard! Also, volunteering is a wonderful way to meet people and to pay it forward as well. 3 Network. Ask your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances if they know of someone who is near your age and single and who might be a nice mate for you. And don’t stop asking because as we age, people’s lives change. Some become widows or widowers, and others have relationships end. 4 Attend outdoor classes (when the weather is warmer) such as tai chi, yoga, pickleball, ukulele (or other instruments), and on and on.Bottom line: Make yourself as visible as possible and work on your appearance through exercising and eating right to help you stay healthy. Keep your expectations in check. Don’t go out with the express purpose of meeting a mate. Instead, go out to enrich your life. Be friendly, have a positive attitude, make yourself likable. Don’t give up hope. We are all in the pandemic challenge together. Be very careful with exposure to Covid and be leery of scammers. I hope we are all vaccinated and boosted. Keep the emails and questions coming. We have some interesting upcoming eNewsletter topics, including how to deal with a long-distance relationship during the pandemic and even details of a conversation I had with Johnny Cash regarding words Johnny said to me after we left his recording studio together in 1976. I had co-produced a record album with him at the studio. So, stay tuned, stay safe, and keep on truckin.’ Sonia shared her photos with us today. If male Champs would like to contact her in PA, email me and I will forward your email to her. You never know, you just might have interests in common with this nice woman. |
Category: Senior Online dating sites
Which online dating site is best for seniors?
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 19, 2021
by Columnist Thomas P Blake
Which online dating site is best for seniors?
During the pandemic, most single seniors didn’t interact face-to-face with people, so many of them decided to give online dating a try. Several were frustrated with the experience. Some seniors don’t internet date at all. Connie emailed me about the difficulty she’s had when trying to meet men. She wrote, “I have never been on an online dating site. I prefer the old-fashioned way (of meeting men).”
I assume what Connie’s “old-fashioned way” term means to her is networking through friends and/or going to public places where she might by chance meet a guy.
I’ve often been asked by seniors, “Which online dating site is right for me?”
Take Ellen for example. She wrote: “I am a widow, 66, and recently retired. So, I’m starting a new chapter in my life. When I think of the future and see myself alone for the rest of my life, that makes me feel sad. However, when I look at my life today, I am happy–busy with kids, grandkids, hobbies, and church.
“I tried online dating for a few years. Tried them all: eHarmony, Plenty of Fish (POF), Catholic Match, Senior Dating, and OurTime. I met some nice people, but nothing clicked.“More times than not when I emailed someone, I never got a response. After a while, it just wasn’t worth the work anymore, and Internet dating is a lot of work. I keep my options open, but I figure at this stage I am pretty well done with online looking. But I am certainly open if I meet someone in person.”
I’m not an Internet dating expert. After all, I’ve been with Greta for 24 years and have never been on an Internet dating site. So, how do I advise women like Ellen to find the right dating site?
I turn to an expert dating and relationship coach I’ve known for 20+ years, who is also a Champ. Her name is Christine Baumgartner; she lives in Orange County, California, and calls her business “The Perfect Catch.” She helps clients all over the United States, not just in the OC.
Recently, Christine posted comments on Facebook under the title, “Which Internet dating site is ‘the best’ one?” I felt what Christine wrote was so informative for single senior daters that I chose to share some of her highlights in this week’s eNewsletter.
When Christine is asked by a client which dating site is the best one, her reply is, “This may surprise you, They’re generally all the same.”
But she points out that certain sites have a particular focus such as religious beliefs or sites that cater to a variety of age groups, including sites for seniors.
Christine said, “In reality, the outcome of a person’s online dating experience or your own experience often has more to do with some of the following…
“Your attitude toward yourself, the opposite sex, and dating in general. In particular, many people tend to struggle if they have negative opinions about the opposite sex (due to past dating experiences).”
“Profile content and photos. Many of us are tempted to lie about our age or touch up our pictures.” She stresses that singles should be honest with what they post.
“Persistence. Some people give up quickly when dating doesn’t turn out to be what they were looking for.” Christine recommends people adopt a stick-with-it attitude.
Christine concluded, “I have clients who have met their significant others on dating sites after we worked on these things together. I’ve found that it’s usually not the site causing a person to not find the right date…it’s the person not using the site to that person’s best advantage.”
If I were single and trying to figure out how best to meet someone, I’d contact Christine. She’s a widow and has walked the walk. Not to mention that she is one of the nicest human beings one will ever meet. No wonder she does so well at helping senior singles who are struggling to find their way. Here is Christine’s picture:
Christine’s email is christine@theperfect catch.com and her website is www.ThePerfectCatch.com
Contact her, you’ll be pleased that you did.
Senior Online dating sites
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2
by Columnist Tom Blake
For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.
Beware of scammers!
Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried Match.com. There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”
Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.
Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating.
The first four responses came from men.
John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake.
“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you. She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”
Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”
Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.”
Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.
Women responded as well.
Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.
“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves. But online dating can be worth the hassle.
“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”
Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.
“My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time.
“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”
Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.
“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’
“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”
One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.
“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.
“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!
“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”
My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on Match.com, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.
There are companies such as Online4.love.com, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.
I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.
Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.
Part 2 – There’s an actor among us
Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know. However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.
Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.
Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017
And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.
This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”
Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!
“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie! I’m married to a famous actor!”
She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.
Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather
Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”
Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.
Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.
On Life and Love after 50 