On Love And Love After 50 eNewsletter
February 2, 2024
By Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert
Responses From Champs to Gummies vs Alcohol
Two weeks ago, the eNewsletter included a woman’s comments regarding a Gummies vs. Alcohol issue she and her boyfriend of four years were having.
She wrote, “I still work so I don’t drink alcohol during the week. However, come Friday and Saturday, I like nothing more than opening a bottle of Chardonnay and enjoying it while making dinner. It can take the ‘edge’ off from work.
She added that if she goes out, she won’t drive if she has more than two glasses of wine.
Also, she said, “I see my boyfriend of almost four years on weekends only. We live 30 miles apart. He would rather I not drink. There was a time he drank too much, but stopped 15 years ago, cold turkey, just stopped.
“However, he does like to smoke pot on occasion and ingest cannabis-infused gummies. I must say the gummies are loads of fun and, together we have a great time when taking them. We dance, laugh, tell silly stories, etc.”
Tom’s comment: (I wonder what she means by “etc?” I see a couple of you smiling at that comment.)
She continued: “The problem is I still prefer my Chardonnay over the gummies. He would prefer I stop drinking alcohol and just take the gummies. He swears they are way better for me than alcohol. So, we argue about Gummies vs. Alcohol. What do Champs think?
Eight Responses From Champs
Only one man responded directly to this issue. Two men said they were looking forward to reading the responses. Several men talked about non-related topics.
Here’s what the seven women said:
ST (a woman Champ) “Gummies vs Chardonnay – what business is it of his? This is manipulative and controlling. Give in to his demands and who knows what awaits down the line? He should keep his own council.”
Beach Girl, “It’s a good thing that the gummy lover lives 30 miles away and only sees Ms. Chardonnay on weekends. He had a problem with alcohol so he’s transferring his past issues onto her – it’s a control thing. Tell Ms. Chardonnay to enjoy her wine and ignore his preaching. If he doesn’t lay off, dump him.”
Linda, “My thoughts about Chardonnay versus gummies are she should have her glass or two during the week when she’s home. Maybe the gummies on weekends. I guess she isn’t telling us the truth and is drinking during the week too. I don’t believe everything people tell me.”
Jeanne, “Driving on gummies is just as bad as on alcohol!”
Althea, “I think this anonymous woman has already figured it out. She wants to know if this relationship will work when she drinks, and he does not. He takes cannabis gummies, she does also, but only to please him.
“They live in separate homes and have been seeing each other for four years, so apparently the arrangement is working out for them.
“She said they probably will never move in together because they like their own homes and that the alcohol vs. gummies issue might cause problems if they did. So, what is the real issue? They are in a LAT relationship, and it will last as long as the arrangement is working, and both are content. Right?
“Though I wonder how often he is trying to get her to stop the alcohol and instead take gummies with him, because to me that is a small red flag, controlling behavior.
“Bottom line: If you care (love) someone you take them as they are, especially in our senior years when our long lives have made us who we are and change of habits rarely happens.”
Kaitte: “Short and sweet. That’s the pot calling the kettle black–his gummies. His problem; not hers. She enjoys her wine after working all week. If a man consistently told me what to do, the weekender would be no more.”
Elenute, “Hopefully, there are some things they enjoy about each other besides whatever substances he or she uses.
“My former boyfriend tended to have one drink a night and drank socially occasionally. I don’t drink at all. It was never a problem for us.
“As long as neither one drives high, it’s up to you to drink or do gummies, whatever you prefer. Why is he telling you what to do? Is there a pattern there?”
Jim, “I hope the woman communicates her desire to enjoy a glass of wine to him so he understands more. He shouldn’t be trying to change the situation now or ever.
“He should realize he won’t change her; he needs to back off and enjoy getting the ‘edge’ off in his way. This gummies vs. alcohol issue isn’t worth losing the relationship over. They both can adjust and still have fun together. She seems open to using gummies at different times whereas some people won’t be open to gummies at all.”
Tom’s reply: I was surprised that so few men commented, but Jim’s words are well-spoken. After reading all the opinions, mainly from women, I realized–as a man–that maybe this isn’t a big deal. For many senior couples, it may not be an issue at all.
I asked my partner, Debbie Sirkin Psychotherapist, to read the above comments. Her response was like mine. Both of us felt he wasn’t trying to control her by getting her to stop drinking wine.
What Debbie picked up on is that the women who responded may have been ‘projecting’ things from their own lives that may have been problematic for them, either in the past or present.
Debbie added, “I think Althea summed it up best.”
So, Champs, enjoy your wine or pot or gummies, but the important thing is “in moderation.” And if your doctor insists that you stop drinking or smoking pot, consider changing your ways.
Please keep your emails coming. Next week, it’s the Super Bowl and/or Valentine’s. Which to write about? Such a dilemma.
On Life and Love after 50 