Finding love when you live in Barra de Navidad Mexico

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 29, 2020

                 Finding love when you live in Barra de Navidad, Mexico

The inputs I receive from our Champs help keep this eNewsletter fresh. Sharing some inputs with you today.

Shelley, San Diego, wrote, “I liked John’s suggestion to women about listing what they can bring to the table on their profiles. I’d like to share my experience.

“My husband of 40 years and soulmate died unexpectedly in 2014. I was heartbroken and felt as if my world had collapsed-well it HAD!

“A year later, I tried OK Cupid and met a man I liked, but later found out he was married!

“A year after that, I tried Seniors Meet (Now, a part of the OurTime group of sites) and was contacted by several scammers and three younger men looking for sugar-mommas! I got off that site after two months!

“My profile stated what I was looking for and what I have to offer as well as what I did NOT want. Here’s a summary of my profile:

“I am a widow of over two years–intelligent, independent, fun-loving, warm and affectionate. I am healthy, health-conscious, fit & active–you should be also.

“I’m an educated, retired professional-no children. Tall and thin with many interests.

“I am looking for a long-term committed relationship with the right man. I have done a lot of work on myself to heal.

“I have the maturity and communication skills to work through differences in healthy ways. I am loving, caring and kind. 

“Your age should be 58-70. I am responsible and can take care of myself. You need to be also. I am not looking for a ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationship. Or, a married man! I’m not eager to rush into anything. I want to develop friendship first. Please be local and sincere.

“In April, 2017, I met the man who is now my significant other. We met at the museum where I was doing volunteer work as a docent.”

Probably not a Match but worth a try

Susan wrote, “I like what John said in last week’s article about women including what they can bring to the table on their online profiles.”

I wrote back, “Where are you living and what is your age?”

Susan said, “Virginia, age 78. Why?”

I replied, “Ten minutes ago, I received an email from a high school buddy. His name is Carm. His significant other passed away last year. He emailed: ‘I never tried an online dating site and assume it’s not practical now that I live abroad. I would like to find a partner, though.’”

I said to Susan that since she and Carm had contacted me within 10 minutes of each other, I thought “What if?” Thinking, wouldn’t it be a co-incidence if she and Carm were a match?

I also mentioned to Susan that I wondered how close she and Carm were in age, and how far away they lived from each other, which is why I had asked her.

Turns out their ages are within two years of each other—perfect fit. However, they live 2,576 miles from each other, according to a website I checked. (The site added that it takes one full day plus 19 hours of driving straight through—43 hours of driving, from Virginia, to Barra de Navidad, Mexico, where Carm lives). Not so practical.

However, Carm sent me his online profile, which I had suggested he create. Carm’s profile has a solution for getting to his far-away location; it’s highlighted in yellow below.

“Carm’s profile says:

‘80-year-old man interested in a woman of similar age that would enjoy visiting me in a fishing village in Mexico (ZLO airport). I own a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house with a modern kitchen and a large garden in a walled compound. I’m healthy and interesting — a retired economist and journalist and watch MSNBC/CNN regularly.

‘I’m looking for a like-minded, vigorous woman that lives not too far from Barra de Navidad, Mexico, or, I would split airfare from the States if/when applicable for a visit. In the meantime, let’s chat’

He included a current picture of himself, and the garden he loves in Barra.

                    My buddy Carm who reminds me of Ernest Hemingway

     The garden in his yard, to which Greta and I can attest, having been there 

 So, there you go, Susan. If interested, send Carm an email.

Then, I reminded myself that I’m not a matchmaker, as I’ve often mentioned to Champs. Think about it–matchmakers don’t introduce people living 2,567 miles apart. That being said, however, other Champs are welcome to contact Carm as well.

                                A reminder about scammers

Champ Ben commented on last week’s eNewsletter: “I never thought of adding ‘what do you bring to the table’ comments- instead of just rehashing your profile. I think signing up for a dating site is an investment in YOU and ‘There’s no downside’ – it’s about what you want in a relationship and have faith each day- it’s about attitude! has scammers on it- BEWARE!”

Tom’s comment: “All dating sites have scammers, which is a downside to online dating. Plus, reports from our Champs have warned us about Trust your instincts, everyone.”

Champ Terri shared, “Unfortunately, the last time I mentioned what I had to offer, a man fed off what I wanted so he could be taken care of whilst sexting on POF (Plenty of Fish).

“So scary out there, con people looking for a ride. It has quelled my wanting a relationship and I do have lot to offer. It’s sad the way some people think.”

(Terri, do you live near Barra de Navidad, Mexico? Just asking…)

Also, last week, we included a photo of Champ Chris appearing in the movies Jaws and The Godfather. I made a mistake on Chris’s age and his wife Tina’s age. I said they were 84 and 77, respectively. True age: Chris is 86; Tina 79, which makes them an even more amazing couple.

Champ Mark, my former dentist now living in Palm Springs, a man of few words, wrote; “Dating sites are a waste of time—get out there and meet a REAL person.”

Response: “You’re right Dr. Wilson. But, a bit difficult under the current circumstances. When Greta and I were in Palm Springs two weeks ago, it looked like a scene from a Western movie. Everybody wearing masks. Bars, restaurants and gathering places closed tighter than a drum. I guess it’s lightening up out there a little, but still hard to meet new people. Ralph’s and Rite Aid were open. but masks were required.

                        Part 2 – Finally, a 60-year project is completed

Without things to do during these stay-at-home times, I’d go nuts. So, I decided to finish a project that has been on the back burner for 60 years.

In the summer of 1960, I went to Europe with four other guys. We lived in a VW bus. Oh yes, it was crowded. We visited 15 countries in 84 days. Our final 16 days were in Rome, taking in the summer Olympics.

We consumed far too much beer at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich and on a picnic while sitting under the 1952 Winter Olympics ski jump in Oslo. I thought we were goners when the police in Communist Yugoslavia pulled us over in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. We flew home on the USA Olympic team charter plane, from Rome, with a young man named Cassius Clay. I kept a diary.

I had always wanted to write a book about that experience. I completed the book last week. It’s an ebook. No printed copies available. Title: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.” Perhaps some of you were in Europe that summer, or some other summer. Might trigger some memories.

If any of you would like to download a copy to your computers or Kindles, the price to you is $0.99. (Ninety-nine cents; A 75% discount vs. the public’s price of $3.99). Takes a couple of hours to read.

Here’s how you do it:

The book is on Smashwords, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. 

The first time you visit the Smashwords site, you will be prompted to create a free Smashwords personal account. Just enter your email address and create a password.  Go to . Easy as pie. That takes about 20 seconds. Write the password down somewhere so you will remember it when asked in future visits. 

After creating your account, enter my name Tom Blake in the search box. The covers of the books I have on the site will appear. Click on the “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus” icon.  

Then click on “Buy.” After that, you will get a prompt for a coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader. 

Email me with comments or observations ( Remember, you will need to create a Smashword account on your first visit. Then, when you return to the site in the future, just enter your password.

Senior Online dating sites

 On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2

by Columnist Tom Blake

For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.

Beware of scammers!

Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”

Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.

Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating.
The first four responses came from men.

John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake. 

“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you.  She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”

Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”

Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.” 

Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.

Women responded as well.

Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.

“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves.  But online dating can be worth the hassle.

“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”

Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.

 “My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time. 

“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”

Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.

“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’

“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”

One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.

“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.

“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!

“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”

My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.

There are companies such as, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.

I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.

Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.

Part 2 – There’s an actor among us

Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know.  However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.

Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.

Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017

And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.

This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”

Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!

“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie!  I’m married to a famous actor!”

She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.

       Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather

Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”

Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.  

Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.

Where are single senior men?

    On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 15, 2020
Where are single senior men? The answer is easier now

by Tom Blake Columnist

The most frequently asked question I’ve received in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50 has come from women. In the first few years of writing, the question was: “Where can I meet single senior men in their 50s?”

Around 2005, the question changed: “Where can I meet single men in their 60s?”

In 2014, when I sold my Dana Point deli and retired, the question had become: “Where can I meet single men in my 70s?”

In February, 2020, a question was: “Where/How to meet Prof Men?” That question did not come from a Champ, it came from a woman named Judy who contacted me via the website.

When Judy asked that question, she volunteered other information: “I’m a financially secure gal who cannot find local men to date. I joined only to have Match notify me that four of the men they sent me were frauds.

“Also, recommended a university professor, age 75, who is still working full time and has cancer. This seems to be my luck!”

“What on earth? Where can I meet a nice man on my same level in life? At my age, I sure don’t want to drive two hours, which is also what I found on I feel I am classy, attractive, enjoy sports, a golfer and have a nice outgoing personality. Please advise.”

About 10 days after receiving Judy’s email, reports of COVID-19 started to surface. Any advice I could offer her became out-of-date, not usable.

How do I give someone dating advice and in the same breath advise them “to quarantine at home?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have suggested to Judy what I’ve said to all women who have asked that question over the years “Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Adopt a positive attitude. Smile. Put your best self out there. Staying at home doesn’t hack it.”

It was hard to get more specific with Judy because she didn’t reveal what’s she’s doing to meet men, other than flail away on

I suggested she become a Champ, but to my knowledge, that didn’t happen.

Also, I would have added this to Judy’s advice, “Since you are a golfer, pursue that option. Lots of men golf and go to driving ranges. And they often have an adult-beverage after a round of golf in the 19th hole bar and grill at the clubhouse. Make yourself visible, smile, have fun, and above all, keep your eye on the ball. You know, the golf ball.”

For now, until this virus subsides, and hopefully disappears all together, I can’t give advice to her other than to online date. However, she has a bitter taste in her mouth toward online dating because of her experience with And that shows through in her comments.

I would have recommended—had she become a Champ–that she read our eNewsletter from two weeks ago in which Champ Christine Baumgarten, a dating and relationship coach, talked about “Why now is the PERFECT TIME to date.” I’ve posted that eNewsletter with Christine’s comments on my website.

To access that issue, once on the website home page, note that the ribbon across the top of the page shows an eNewsletters category. That’s a drop-down menu. Click on it and again on Tom’s 2020 and 2019 eNewsletters. The most recent eNewsletter posted is the one with Christine’s advice. It’s the first one you will come to.

What I’ve found during these stay-at-home times is that I’m connecting with many old friends, with whom I haven’t talked in a long time. In some cases, years. That eases loneliness and who knows, for our single Champs, a connection with an old friend might lead to something more? It would have to be a remote connection for now.

And while remote, we still can see people via Facetime on our phones or Zoom or with our computer cameras.

So now, in May, 2020, that 26-year-old question, “Where do I meet men?” hasn’t gone away. But it’s easier to answer now, because the choices that I can suggest are so few. And they are almost all virtual.

Maybe the answer to where to meet men is in the picture of the woman on the cover of my ebook below: Getting a magnifying glass and looking under rocks.  By the way, for the next two weeks, I’ve dropped the price of this ebook to $0.99 (99 cents) on Smashwords for our Champs. It’s normally $3.99. To order a book on, a person will need to get a personal account with Smashwords. It’s simple, just provide your email address and password. Write down your password for the next time you go to Smashwords. Here’s the link to order: . When that page opens, you will see six book covers, click on the one hat looks like this.

Hang in there, Champs. When socializing resumes, I look forward to hearing some positive stories of single seniors meeting online during this crisis, and how these senior singles finally got to meet face-to-face.

FOR NEXT WEEK: Let’s do a column on senior dating sites. Share your opinions, and experiences. I am getting questions that ask what are the best sites for our age group. So, help me write that column by emailing me (

Why now is the PERFECT time to date

  Why now is the PERFECT time to date

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior Dating during COVID-19 Pandemic
Christine Baumgarten, Champ and relationship coach, on why now—during the crisis–is a PERFECT time to date:

Christine said, “I’ve experienced the same challenge that people think they ‘can’t’ date right now. And what I’m clear about is, it’s the PERFECT time to date. People can meet virtually through Facetime, Skype, or Zoom. It’s the perfect way to get to know each other without the pressure or concern about getting ‘physical’ too soon.

“Also, one of the biggest complaints is when people meet in person, they don’t look like their picture. Now, you’ll confirm what they look like before you go through the effort to meet in person.

“There are so many fun things to do virtually, with a new person:

*Learn a new dance step – Country Line Dancing, Salsa, Square Dancing, etc.

*Read a book to each other

*Learn a language together

*Learn to play an instrument

*Pick a recipe and cook and eat together – Are you the type of person who needs a recipe (that’s me) or can you just look in your refrigerator and find a three-course meal (that was Tony, my deceased husband).

*Do a craft together – Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Does he know how to do something you’d like to learn? If you’re both learning something new, then you’ll get to see how you each deal with learning something new, with all the possible frustrations.

*Give each other a tour of your house (don’t give out your address) just a tour of the inside. Oh my, what will you learn about each other’s lifestyle!

“And as you are ‘doing’ all these things together you can ask the other person questions about his or her life to learn about his traits to determine if you’re a match and if you’ll eventually want to meet in person.

“I brought this point up in a Facebook thread and one person responded, ‘We’ll run out of things to talk about if we can’t meet in person.’

“And my response is, ‘If you run out of things to talk about with someone you’ve just met, then this is confirmation that you are not a match.’”

Comment from Tom: Christine, since you need a recipe to cook, try my Chicken Parmesan I shared with my sister! Ha!

Christine’s website:

Contact Christine at

Senior Sex no time to waste

 On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – May 8, 2020

The Letter – Senior Sex no time to waste

By Columnist Tom Blake

You may recall that last week’s eNewsletter was a bit off the wall. It featured a woman, age 30, who insisted on a six-month pre-marriage trial with her fiancé, age 59, where they slept together, but had no physical contact, no hand holding, not one hug or kiss. She considered the trial “a success.” They married.

After the wedding she was shocked to find out he wanted sex.

Her letter had been sent to me in 2001.

There were many, varied responses to her story. The first came from Mark, who said, “I believe you made this up to bring good cheer to your readers. Am I right?”

I replied: “Greta and I are out of town for a week. When I get back to Dana Point, I will scan her letter and send it to you.

“I found it in the garage in a box of old column stuff. Thought to myself, this can be a column someday.

“Letter is for real. Glad you enjoyed it.”

Mark said, “I didn’t doubt for a minute that the letter was real. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up!”

Mark’s right; I don’t have the imagination to create something like that. Here’s part of the actual letter:

The Letter – from 20 September 2001

Helen, Arizona, responded, “Thanks for the laugh. Oh me. Sometimes I wonder. Are there really people walking around our country like this? Wonder if she made the whole thing up? Doesn’t matter.

“Phil and I have been together since 2003 after meeting on the Net. Didn’t marry. We are 80 and 81 now. Times are not easy, but we are together. We are one of the couples you featured in your book all those years ago.”

Another response came from Laurie Jo: “I read your eNewsletter and had an immediate, strong reaction.

“Things like impotence can be an issue, but there are ways to work around that and other difficulties when we age. I feel happy that I can still ride my horse, do household chores, and walk without any problems.

“I have friends that have hip issues and things like cancer. My point is: why give up intimacy? Why forego or avoid a wonderful part of being alive and capable.”

Twice a widower, “after two good marriages,” John commented. “I’m nearly 80 and every time I think I’ve heard it all regarding love relationships, something comes along to prove me wrong—such as your article last week. The woman in the story must be totally unaware/naive about how the world works–at least pertaining to how men and women relate to each other physically.

“I’m still actively dating and looking for a life-partner. After several dates with a woman, and if it begins to look promising, we start digging down into the weeds of what we’re looking for in a relationship.

“Eventually, I ask if she is interested in a physical relationship. Or, is she just seeking a friend for movies and dinners? I ask because having a physical relationship remains important to me.

“To illustrate how difficult expectations can be, I met a woman on a dating site two years ago who lives three hours away by car. My thinking was, if we were a good fit, it would be worth the drive.

“It turned out she oversees the caregivers who tend to her disabled sister, about a 10-minute drive from my home. I started seeing her when she was in town once or twice a month for six months.

“Then, she invited me to visit her at her home. I spent two nights with her and slept in a separate bedroom; there was no physical contact during the stay. We saw each other on and off when she visited her sister for about a year.

“She continued pursuing me and invited me to her home again, for three nights. I accepted. (Separate bedrooms again.)

“We were watching a TV movie the second night and I attempted to hold her hand, but she was not receptive. At dinner, the third night, I asked her if she was looking for a physical relationship because some women are not.

“She erupted and said, ‘All men are looking for only one thing!’ With that comment, I promptly left.”

“We had no contact for six months when out of the blue she sent me an email apologizing for how she reacted and wanted to get together again. We did but, it was just not-to-be for me.”

An important point from John’s story, Laurie Jo’s comments, and Helen’s comments, even at 70 or 80, for seniors physical contact is important to many men–and women.

Lesson for dating seniors: It’s best to discuss each person’s sexual expectations in the early dating stages of a potential relationship. At 80, we don’t have any time to waste.

Message for Mark: I didn’t make this up either: Because this column is about a letter, and about not having time to waste, the song, “The Letter,” by The Box Tops, 1967, popped into my mind.


“Gimme a ticket to an aeroplane
Ain’t got time for a fast train
Lonely days are gone. I’m a-going home
My baby, just wrote me a letter”

Link to Box Tops song (click on open wide screen and then the red arrow to begin video ):
Link to song “The Letter”

Happy Mother’s Day

Older men dating younger women. “No. Don’t Publish it.”

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 1, 2020

by Newspaper Columnist Tom Blake

                Older men dating younger women. “No. Don’t publish it.”

Cranking out 52 eNewsletters a year can be a challenge. Not to mention, 36 newspaper columns on top of that. So, when I receive information from someone that I feel might be of interest, beneficial or entertaining to readers, it helps to be able to use the information.

But, at times, I receive a communication with words like these: “This is very private information—to be shared only with you. No. don’t publish it.”

Some of those letters are two or three pages long. Often, with no paragraph breaks. Just one mass of information. Wading through them takes time.

I wonder what the authors of those letters expect. They want my opinion and time, but they don’t want me to use their information in articles.

When I mention they can remain anonymous, and not disclose their city, state, or identity, and mention that their info may benefit others, they still say “No. Don’t publish it.”

When I respond, “OK, I will answer your email, but since you asked me not to share it, please send me $100 for my time and expertise, before I proceed.” What happens?

In the old days when we had dial phones, I’d hear a click; the caller would hang up on me.

Now, in modern-email times, they simply don’t respond. And worse yet, if they are on our mailing list, they unsubscribe. Poof, they’re gone. Egad, I hate when that happens!

Today, I’m going to share a forbidden, “No. Don’t publish it” letter I received. I’ve been holding on to it for a while. Frankly, I’ve been dying to publish it, to share it with you Champs. The subject line: “Older men, younger women,” which is one of those hot-potato subjects.

Judy (Surprise! Judy is not her true name, I changed it.) wrote: “This is not for publication. When I was 30, I married a man 59.”

Of course, those few words got my attention, she married a man 29-years-older.

Sometimes, a 29-year age difference can work. Even in Portofino, Italy

                                                                                Photo by Tom Blake

She continued, “He had been my doctor for seven years, and had developed, in that time, into a treasured friend. Since he looked and acted about 70 or 75, I had always assumed he was sort of a kindly grandfather figure.”

So, in effect, to her, he seemed 40 to 45 years older.

Judy said, “When his marriage broke up, he asked me to marry him. I agreed to be engaged and to live together, as sort of a trial, and if that worked out, I would marry him.”

My thought: the trial was probably to see if they coexisted mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Judy added, “It worked out beautifully. We enjoyed each other’s company, slept together for six months, but without any sexual advances on either of our parts. He never kissed me or held my hand. (Sounds like the social distancing at home we are experiencing now). With that success behind us, we married.”

Interesting story, I thought. Made for each other, despite the age difference. But, not so.

Judy wrote, “Well, that was the end of the happy times. After the wedding, his true-self came out. HE WANTED SEX, which came as a surprise to me!

“Before marrying, I should have asked if he was expecting sex. If so, I would have declined. (He said I shouldn’t have married him if I felt that way).

“Well, luckily, my marriage to him brought every young, pretty gold-digger from miles around, out of the walls. They probably thought the reason I married him was because he was wealthy. (He wasn’t rich; he couldn’t manage money and was in debt).

“He left me to marry one of the young gold-diggers who came on to him. Now, he’s her problem, right?”

Signed, “No Name”

This letter I place in the “Entertainment” category. I’m completely baffled by it. And since she didn’t hang around long enough to hear my opinions, I’ll share them with you.

A few questions and observations:

What were each of them thinking? How can two people be engaged for six months, sleep in the same bed, never kiss, never hold hands and find that to be a successful result?” I wonder what her definition of success was. No sex? Zip? Zero? Nada?

Judy said, “Now, he’s her problem, right?” Well, maybe not. The new one might have enjoyed having sex with him.

Judy thought him to be a kindly, grandfather figure, who acted 70 to 75. Did she think a guy in that age range didn’t want sex? I’ve got news for her.

Did the good doctor think if he didn’t make advances for six months that getting married would unlock the door for post-wedding-day sex? I think a one-hour, pre-engagement conversation/agreement could have saved him six months of anticipation and licking his chops.

Since he was in debt and had no money, what was appealing to her about a 29-year-older man? Something is wrong with this picture.

One thing is clear: I understand why she didn’t want this published or her identity disclosed. If people she knew heard her story, they would have thought she had lost her marbles. They still might.

As I said, I’ve been dying to share this with you for a while. I think I’ve waited long enough. This letter was hand-written to me on September 22, 2001.

Now that I’ve finally published it, I will sleep a little easier. And, while sleeping easier, there will be no social distancing.