On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 29, 2020

                 Finding love when you live in Barra de Navidad, Mexico

The inputs I receive from our Champs help keep this eNewsletter fresh. Sharing some inputs with you today.

Shelley, San Diego, wrote, “I liked John’s suggestion to women about listing what they can bring to the table on their profiles. I’d like to share my experience.

“My husband of 40 years and soulmate died unexpectedly in 2014. I was heartbroken and felt as if my world had collapsed-well it HAD!

“A year later, I tried OK Cupid and met a man I liked, but later found out he was married!

“A year after that, I tried Seniors Meet (Now, a part of the OurTime group of sites) and was contacted by several scammers and three younger men looking for sugar-mommas! I got off that site after two months!

“My profile stated what I was looking for and what I have to offer as well as what I did NOT want. Here’s a summary of my profile:

“I am a widow of over two years–intelligent, independent, fun-loving, warm and affectionate. I am healthy, health-conscious, fit & active–you should be also.

“I’m an educated, retired professional-no children. Tall and thin with many interests.

“I am looking for a long-term committed relationship with the right man. I have done a lot of work on myself to heal.

“I have the maturity and communication skills to work through differences in healthy ways. I am loving, caring and kind. 

“Your age should be 58-70. I am responsible and can take care of myself. You need to be also. I am not looking for a ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationship. Or, a married man! I’m not eager to rush into anything. I want to develop friendship first. Please be local and sincere.

“In April, 2017, I met the man who is now my significant other. We met at the museum where I was doing volunteer work as a docent.”

Probably not a Match but worth a try

Susan wrote, “I like what John said in last week’s article about women including what they can bring to the table on their online profiles.”

I wrote back, “Where are you living and what is your age?”

Susan said, “Virginia, age 78. Why?”

I replied, “Ten minutes ago, I received an email from a high school buddy. His name is Carm. His significant other passed away last year. He emailed: ‘I never tried an online dating site and assume it’s not practical now that I live abroad. I would like to find a partner, though.’”

I said to Susan that since she and Carm had contacted me within 10 minutes of each other, I thought “What if?” Thinking, wouldn’t it be a co-incidence if she and Carm were a match?

I also mentioned to Susan that I wondered how close she and Carm were in age, and how far away they lived from each other, which is why I had asked her.

Turns out their ages are within two years of each other—perfect fit. However, they live 2,576 miles from each other, according to a website I checked. (The site added that it takes one full day plus 19 hours of driving straight through—43 hours of driving, from Virginia, to Barra de Navidad, Mexico, where Carm lives). Not so practical.

However, Carm sent me his online profile, which I had suggested he create. Carm’s profile has a solution for getting to his far-away location; it’s highlighted in yellow below.

“Carm’s profile says:

‘80-year-old man interested in a woman of similar age that would enjoy visiting me in a fishing village in Mexico (ZLO airport). I own a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house with a modern kitchen and a large garden in a walled compound. I’m healthy and interesting — a retired economist and journalist and watch MSNBC/CNN regularly.

‘I’m looking for a like-minded, vigorous woman that lives not too far from Barra de Navidad, Mexico, or, I would split airfare from the States if/when applicable for a visit. In the meantime, let’s chat lodise0711@hotmail.com.’

He included a current picture of himself, and the garden he loves in Barra.

                    My buddy Carm who reminds me of Ernest Hemingway

     The garden in his yard, to which Greta and I can attest, having been there 

 So, there you go, Susan. If interested, send Carm an email.

Then, I reminded myself that I’m not a matchmaker, as I’ve often mentioned to Champs. Think about it–matchmakers don’t introduce people living 2,567 miles apart. That being said, however, other Champs are welcome to contact Carm as well.

                                A reminder about scammers

Champ Ben commented on last week’s eNewsletter: “I never thought of adding ‘what do you bring to the table’ comments- instead of just rehashing your profile. I think signing up for a dating site is an investment in YOU and ‘There’s no downside’ – it’s about what you want in a relationship and have faith each day- it’s about attitude! Match.com has scammers on it- BEWARE!”

Tom’s comment: “All dating sites have scammers, which is a downside to online dating. Plus, reports from our Champs have warned us about Match.com. Trust your instincts, everyone.”

Champ Terri shared, “Unfortunately, the last time I mentioned what I had to offer, a man fed off what I wanted so he could be taken care of whilst sexting on POF (Plenty of Fish).

“So scary out there, con people looking for a ride. It has quelled my wanting a relationship and I do have lot to offer. It’s sad the way some people think.”

(Terri, do you live near Barra de Navidad, Mexico? Just asking…)

Also, last week, we included a photo of Champ Chris appearing in the movies Jaws and The Godfather. I made a mistake on Chris’s age and his wife Tina’s age. I said they were 84 and 77, respectively. True age: Chris is 86; Tina 79, which makes them an even more amazing couple.

Champ Mark, my former dentist now living in Palm Springs, a man of few words, wrote; “Dating sites are a waste of time—get out there and meet a REAL person.”

Response: “You’re right Dr. Wilson. But, a bit difficult under the current circumstances. When Greta and I were in Palm Springs two weeks ago, it looked like a scene from a Western movie. Everybody wearing masks. Bars, restaurants and gathering places closed tighter than a drum. I guess it’s lightening up out there a little, but still hard to meet new people. Ralph’s and Rite Aid were open. but masks were required.

                        Part 2 – Finally, a 60-year project is completed

Without things to do during these stay-at-home times, I’d go nuts. So, I decided to finish a project that has been on the back burner for 60 years.

In the summer of 1960, I went to Europe with four other guys. We lived in a VW bus. Oh yes, it was crowded. We visited 15 countries in 84 days. Our final 16 days were in Rome, taking in the summer Olympics.

We consumed far too much beer at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich and on a picnic while sitting under the 1952 Winter Olympics ski jump in Oslo. I thought we were goners when the police in Communist Yugoslavia pulled us over in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. We flew home on the USA Olympic team charter plane, from Rome, with a young man named Cassius Clay. I kept a diary.

I had always wanted to write a book about that experience. I completed the book last week. It’s an ebook. No printed copies available. Title: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.” Perhaps some of you were in Europe that summer, or some other summer. Might trigger some memories.

If any of you would like to download a copy to your computers or Kindles, the price to you is $0.99. (Ninety-nine cents; A 75% discount vs. the public’s price of $3.99). Takes a couple of hours to read.

Here’s how you do it:

The book is on Smashwords, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. 

The first time you visit the Smashwords site, you will be prompted to create a free Smashwords personal account. Just enter your email address and create a password.  Go to www.smashwords.com . Easy as pie. That takes about 20 seconds. Write the password down somewhere so you will remember it when asked in future visits. 

After creating your account, enter my name Tom Blake in the search box. The covers of the books I have on the site will appear. Click on the “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus” icon.  

Then click on “Buy.” After that, you will get a prompt for a coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader. 

Email me with comments or observations (tompblake@gmail.com). Remember, you will need to create a Smashword account on your first visit. Then, when you return to the site in the future, just enter your password.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 1, 2020

by Newspaper Columnist Tom Blake

                Older men dating younger women. “No. Don’t publish it.”

Cranking out 52 eNewsletters a year can be a challenge. Not to mention, 36 newspaper columns on top of that. So, when I receive information from someone that I feel might be of interest, beneficial or entertaining to readers, it helps to be able to use the information.

But, at times, I receive a communication with words like these: “This is very private information—to be shared only with you. No. don’t publish it.”

Some of those letters are two or three pages long. Often, with no paragraph breaks. Just one mass of information. Wading through them takes time.

I wonder what the authors of those letters expect. They want my opinion and time, but they don’t want me to use their information in articles.

When I mention they can remain anonymous, and not disclose their city, state, or identity, and mention that their info may benefit others, they still say “No. Don’t publish it.”

When I respond, “OK, I will answer your email, but since you asked me not to share it, please send me $100 for my time and expertise, before I proceed.” What happens?

In the old days when we had dial phones, I’d hear a click; the caller would hang up on me.

Now, in modern-email times, they simply don’t respond. And worse yet, if they are on our mailing list, they unsubscribe. Poof, they’re gone. Egad, I hate when that happens!

Today, I’m going to share a forbidden, “No. Don’t publish it” letter I received. I’ve been holding on to it for a while. Frankly, I’ve been dying to publish it, to share it with you Champs. The subject line: “Older men, younger women,” which is one of those hot-potato subjects.

Judy (Surprise! Judy is not her true name, I changed it.) wrote: “This is not for publication. When I was 30, I married a man 59.”

Of course, those few words got my attention, she married a man 29-years-older.

Sometimes, a 29-year age difference can work. Even in Portofino, Italy

                                                                                Photo by Tom Blake

She continued, “He had been my doctor for seven years, and had developed, in that time, into a treasured friend. Since he looked and acted about 70 or 75, I had always assumed he was sort of a kindly grandfather figure.”

So, in effect, to her, he seemed 40 to 45 years older.

Judy said, “When his marriage broke up, he asked me to marry him. I agreed to be engaged and to live together, as sort of a trial, and if that worked out, I would marry him.”

My thought: the trial was probably to see if they coexisted mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Judy added, “It worked out beautifully. We enjoyed each other’s company, slept together for six months, but without any sexual advances on either of our parts. He never kissed me or held my hand. (Sounds like the social distancing at home we are experiencing now). With that success behind us, we married.”

Interesting story, I thought. Made for each other, despite the age difference. But, not so.

Judy wrote, “Well, that was the end of the happy times. After the wedding, his true-self came out. HE WANTED SEX, which came as a surprise to me!

“Before marrying, I should have asked if he was expecting sex. If so, I would have declined. (He said I shouldn’t have married him if I felt that way).

“Well, luckily, my marriage to him brought every young, pretty gold-digger from miles around, out of the walls. They probably thought the reason I married him was because he was wealthy. (He wasn’t rich; he couldn’t manage money and was in debt).

“He left me to marry one of the young gold-diggers who came on to him. Now, he’s her problem, right?”

Signed, “No Name”

This letter I place in the “Entertainment” category. I’m completely baffled by it. And since she didn’t hang around long enough to hear my opinions, I’ll share them with you.

A few questions and observations:

What were each of them thinking? How can two people be engaged for six months, sleep in the same bed, never kiss, never hold hands and find that to be a successful result?” I wonder what her definition of success was. No sex? Zip? Zero? Nada?

Judy said, “Now, he’s her problem, right?” Well, maybe not. The new one might have enjoyed having sex with him.

Judy thought him to be a kindly, grandfather figure, who acted 70 to 75. Did she think a guy in that age range didn’t want sex? I’ve got news for her.

Did the good doctor think if he didn’t make advances for six months that getting married would unlock the door for post-wedding-day sex? I think a one-hour, pre-engagement conversation/agreement could have saved him six months of anticipation and licking his chops.

Since he was in debt and had no money, what was appealing to her about a 29-year-older man? Something is wrong with this picture.

One thing is clear: I understand why she didn’t want this published or her identity disclosed. If people she knew heard her story, they would have thought she had lost her marbles. They still might.

As I said, I’ve been dying to share this with you for a while. I think I’ve waited long enough. This letter was hand-written to me on September 22, 2001.

Now that I’ve finally published it, I will sleep a little easier. And, while sleeping easier, there will be no social distancing.