On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
July 8, 2022
By Tom P. Blake
23 responses to “Where is John?” eNewsletter from July 1, 2022
Last week’s column was titled, “Where is John?” Champ Yoko and prospective Champ ‘John’ spoke for 2 ½ hours at the Swallows Inn, a popular San Juan Capistrano watering hole and country music hangout. But, why didn’t John ask for her phone number? I asked for your comments re: what should have Yoko done?
23 Champs shared their thoughts–21 women and two men. That’s about a 9.5-to-one ratio, which is about par for the course in senior dating age 65+
Althea, “Was he married? Or, just out with his friend to have a good time. Perhaps he “Just Wasn’t That Into Yoko.”
Melanie, “John is married, or has a girlfriend, or just enjoyed talking. Yoko can’t bother herself about the reason…John didn’t want to go further.”
Sandy, “Some men carry baggage from previous relationships and/or use bars as their social outlets to get their social fix.”
Patty, “He was not wearing a wedding ring. That or showing pictures from his phone that show no women is no indication of whether he is married.”
Terri, “Yoko should realize that ‘John” has either a wife or a girlfriend and he just found it pleasant to hang out with her and her friends and nothing more. Done. I have personalized business cards with my name, email, and phone number, should the need arise.”
Teresa, “It seems risky to begin talking to an unknown person in a bar. Everything this guy said could be a lie. He could be looking for a woman with money.”
Thyrza, “His showing off his property would not bode well with me. Men show off their chivalry, that’s all it was. Put it to rest.”
Victoria, “Yoko’s story is as old as time itself. He’s probably married or in a relationship. The lack of a wedding ring is not foolproof. Perhaps he decided a relationship with her wouldn’t work.”
Joel, “I learned, as a matter of courtesy. Just to tell someone, ‘I don’t think we are a good fit’ and to accept it when someone (many in fact) have said something similar to me. You have to click with the person. Say ‘Next’ and move on. It’s not you, Yoko, of that, I am sure.”
Maria, “Maybe Yoko should have said, ‘Would you care to meet sometime and continue the conversation? At least she would have gotten a clearer picture of where he stood. She should chalk it up as a fun evening.” (comment from Tom: should-a, would-a, could-a) hindsight is always easier).
Larry, “Yoko did all the right things and enjoyed herself. Any loss was his loss. Yoko, keep on keeping on!”
Anonymous woman, “It can take time for a woman to see that a rebuff may have zero to do with her. When that is figured out, it takes a lot of pressure off.”
Elenute, “If a man wants to contact a woman, he will find a way. Yoko should forget about him, attractive though he may be.”
Wayne, “Yoko should have simply stated at the end of the encounter: ‘John, I enjoyed meeting you and would like to see you again. Let’s exchange contact information. If he accepts, great. If not, it’s a red flag.”
Sue, “If John wanted her contact info, he’d have asked for it. He had a nice night and that’s that. Unfortunately, ‘He wasn’t that into her.’
Susan, “Suggestions for Yoko if the situation arises again:
“As Tom suggested, give him your card with contact information.
“Say: ‘I would like to visit your farm, let me know when a good time would be. Here is my number.
“Or, ‘I’m having a BBQ soon and would like to invite you. What would be a good number to reach you?’”
Gail, “John was a player. Yoko, count your blessings and be glad you dodged that bullet. It has happened to me. The guy wasn’t that into me. Fine, who’s next?”
Bonnie, “I learned a great lesson about guys through my oldest son. He and a girlfriend hit a bump in the road. He went through remarkable lengths to renew the relationship. I learned firsthand, that if a man wants to pursue a woman, he will just do so. He doesn’t overthink it. He just courts her naturally.
“Yoko might bump into him in six months, and they pick up where they left off. Timing can be a big deal.”
Heather, “I have a history with the Swallows Inn San Juan Capistrano. My brother Doug was a bouncer there in the 1960s. I really love a seedy bar. What’s funny, I met my significant other, Reuben, there. He has a horse at a stable down the road and came on Tuesday’s when Pedro makes tacos in the kitchen.
“My friends were my ‘wingmen.’ When Reuben would enter the bar, they would coax him over to sit at our table. Once, he grabbed my cellphone and put his number in my phone. Our first date was April 1, 2017. We’ve been together since.
“I wish Yoko had pushed a bit more or returned to the Swallows on the same day the following week. Life is too short for missed opportunities.”
Cheryl, “Has it happened to me? Yes. I’ve had many men tell me how busy they are right now, or what emergency has come up in their lives, that I don’t even pay attention, don’t care. The ball is in his court. My late husband would have driven to the moon to ask me out again if he had to.”
Kaitte, “Happened to me? Yep, for a split second at a gas station. He kept looking at me after he let me in the checkout line for gas. I was at the pump, and he looked around and found me. I should have given him my INTRO card. By the time, I figured that out he was gone. I did post lookout on Facebook but no response. Sigh, I’m 70, those vibes don’t come around often.”
Marie, “I have known friends who already plan weddings after an initial encounter and somewhat naively expect a positive follow up after they have enjoyed themselves. I have had men tell me after a first date that I am everything they are looking for…after knowing very little about me. Presumptions are not limited to the young folks.”
Marjorie: “I agree with Bonnie and my personal experience: If a guy is
interested he will make it happen. Otherwise, as others have said, he is
married, has a girlfriend, or isn’t that interested. Of course, she can ask
about meeting again, but take whatever he tells you as the answer. Don’t chase
him. And more important, don’t settle for being someone’s alternative.”
So, that’s it Champs. I know Yoko personally; she will relish your advice. And, chances are, your advice will benefit lots of other single women who go line dancing our just out for pizza and they meet a guy.