Senior Meet and Greet – On Life and Love after 50

Matt and Cheryl – Successful senior internet long-distance relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2019

by Tom P Blake

Matt and Cheryl – A successful senior internet long-distance relationship

Setting the stage–October 2015:

Cheryl, 68, twice divorced from “two very unhappy marriages.” Lives in Ohio. Owns a horse and a home. Two kids, both married. Grandchildren in Ohio nearly grown. She’s lived within 30 minutes of them from the time they were born. All family members live in Ohio and she has many friends there as well. She’s also very involved in her church.

Using free online dating site OK Cupid. Answered 600+ questions on Cupid questionnaire.

Cheryl says, “I know many of your readers have expressed skepticism regarding the safety and efficacy of online dating. I did background checks on a few of the men I was interested in.”

Cheryl considers herself to be a ‘word nerd’—she has a collection of inspiring quotes she tries to live by. Example she provided:

“May I have the courage today to live the life that I would love, to postpone my dream no longer, but do at last what I came here for, and waste my heart on fear no more.” Author unknown.

Matt, 68 (three months younger than Cheryl), widower, one daughter living in her own home in same city as Matt, in the Upper Peninsula (U.P.) of Michigan. Using OK Cupid, Answered 400+ questions on OK Cupid questionnaire.

Getting to know a potential mate the correct way: a step-by-step process

Cheryl says, “When Matt and I were on OK Cupid in 2015, questionnaire answers were multiple choice, however, there was space to add comments to answers; Matt and I both did that on many questions.

“Answers were grouped by category, making it easy to check potential compatibility regarding issues such as religion, political views, etc., and there was a category that essentially identified ‘deal breakers,’ which was also very helpful in ‘weeding out’ potential partners.

“Hence, when we started communicating, we already knew quite a lot about each other.

“We progressed from on-site communication to email to phone calls to Skype-dating calls. Prior to giving him my email address, I Googled him and ran a basic background check.

“By the time we went on Skype, we had enjoyed nightly extended phone calls, often 2-3 hours! The Skype-dating calls were wonderful as you can see each other and enjoy facial reactions.

“In April 2016 (five months after initial contact), I flew to the U.P. to meet Matt in person, and, visit the U.P. for the first time. I stayed a week, at his apartment, which may have been somewhat ‘brazen’ of me, but even that short time living under the same roof increased our understanding of each other.

“In July 2016, Matt drove to my home in Ohio, stayed for two weeks, and met my family and friends. By then, we had fallen in love and decided we wanted to spend ‘the rest of the journey’ together, and I had decided to move to the U.P.

Relocating for senior love to begin a new life

Cheryl continued, “I moved from Ohio to the U.P. of Michigan in Sept. 2016 to be with him (11 months after first contact). It was a big decision, as I wanted Matt to have the opportunity to live close to his daughter when she married and had children. We moved into Matt’s home.

“I like the U.P. and have made a new life for myself here, joining a church, working part-time at an elementary school, and am boarding my horse at a wonderful facility where we are starting a non-profit program called ‘Hoofprints of Hope.’

“The goal is to provide equine experiences for at-risk kids. Matt has been involved as well offering business-planning advice gleaned from his experiences as a city manager and economic development specialist, and he is planning to do some grant writing for the organization.

“Regarding the cold weather (Tom had asked me about this), until this past winter, our weather wasn’t much colder than in Ohio. This past winter was exceptionally cold, but I put blankets on my horse–he’s in the barn at night–and I just layered-up! I’m REALLY hoping this winter isn’t as cold!

“I’m a graduate of Ohio State University. Tom also asked if there was an Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry, as there is in football. We aren’t into football so that’s a non-issue.

“Matt, unfortunately, has dealt with several health issues including cancer in the three years that we’ve been together, but fortunately he is now cancer-free.

“I am still encouraging people to try online dating utilizing precautions such as background checks. If you want to be in a loving relationship you must make an effort to find it! It won’t find you!”

Keeping in touch with family and friends

Cheryl continued: “We return to Ohio to visit at least once a year, and my daughter and family visited us here in December 2017.

“Matt and I feel extraordinarily blessed to have found love with each other at our age–72 now! We know it would not have happened had we not taken a chance on the internet. We both feel the format of OK Cupid was instrumental in our finding each other.

“I learned much more about potential partners online than when meeting men in a social situation.

“I reported several obvious scammers during my online searches. Maybe Matt and I just got lucky, but before we met, I interacted/communicated online with several nice and genuine men.

“Hopefully, we can inspire others to search for and find love and happiness.

“My sister and I had parents who were married for 60 years, so a new woman in our dad’s life (after Mom passed) was quite a surprise! However, she was a lovely person who made Dad’s last three years very happy, and we remained close to her until she passed.

“Dad said, ‘Life is for the living,’ and his decision to seek happiness in his later years with a new partner was influential in my decision to do the same. In addition to finding happiness myself, I hope I have also set an example for my kids and grand kids of overcoming difficulties in life.”

Tom’s comment: Thanks to Cheryl, for so willingly sharing the “Matt and Cheryl” meeting. Six long-distance dating tips from this story:

Finding love after 50, 60, 70 or even 80 can happen, but it takes work, time and likely some money
Cheryl and Matt made the right moves: Putting themselves out there. Progressing to Skype-dating. Doing background checks. Meeting face-to-face within a year.
A willingness to relocate by at least one person
Acceptance of and dealing with complications as they arise—biggest one is usually health issues. Other issues could be money or children
Being close in age can help, but, isn’t mandatory
Having similar interests.

Reminder: The Senior Meet and Greet is this coming Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, CA 92629. 5 to 7 p.m. Beer and wine, $5 each. Complimentary appetizers. 949 412-9008. No need to RSVP

Tutor and Spunky’s – Dana Point California

Dry Your Eyes – McStay Family 9-year ordeal coming to an end

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 14, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

“Dry Your Eyes,” a nine-year ordeal coming to an end

This January, I wrote a column titled, “The McStay Family Deserves Closure.” In one way, it was easy for me to write, as I was closely acquainted with the people affected. In another way, it was difficult to write, as it was deeply personal to me.

That January article described an ordeal that the McStay Family—my ex-wife Susan and former stepson Mikey—have been through over the past nine years.

Background: While on a business trip to Dallas, Texas, in the mid-1980s, I met Susan McStay. In 1987, Susan and one of her sons, Mikey, moved to live with me in San Rafael, California. A few months later, her other son, Joey, joined us.

Six months after that, the four of us relocated to Dana Point in southern Orange County. She and I married later that year; we divorced in 1994.

On February 4, 2010, Joey, his second wife Summer, and their sons Gianni, 4, and Joseph Jr., 3, went missing from their Fallbrook, California home.

Five days later, their Isuzu Trooper was found abandoned in a strip mall parking lot near the Mexican border, giving the impression that their disappearance may have been voluntary, that perhaps they had decided to travel or move to Mexico without telling anybody.

But, that didn’t add up. Food was left on the dinner table, their beloved dogs had no food or water, and there was $80,000 in a bank account. And Joey would never have left without telling his mom.

The mystery of the family’s whereabouts lasted nearly four years. On November 13, 2013, an off-road motorcyclist noticed parts of a human skull in the Mojave Desert near Interstate 15 in Victorville, CA., and reported it to law enforcement. The four McStay bodies were found buried in two shallow graves. A sledgehammer was in one of the graves.

A year later, Nov. 5, 2014, Chase Merritt, a business partner of Joey’s, was arrested on suspicion of bludgeoning to death all four family members.

Another four years passed, until, January 7, 2019, when the trial finally began, which is when I wrote the “McStay Family Deserves Closure” article.

Keeping in touch with Mikey

Mikey, and his new wife, Gaylan, live in the North Beach area of San Clemente, near the McStay Memorial Bench, which is on a bluff overlooking the ocean at 1407 Buena Vista.

McStay Family names on Memorial Bench in San Clemente, California (photo by Tom Blake)

Mikey and I have touched base a few times during the last several months. Mikey phoned me in early June, saying the trial would end soon. He was upbeat.

The verdict was reached on Friday, June 7. However, it wasn’t revealed until 10 a.m., June 10. I wanted to hear the outcome the moment it was announced. I couldn’t get it on live TV, or online, so I turned on my car radio to KNX and sat outside our Dana Point home in the car until I heard the news. It’s the same home where Joey, Mikey, and Susan lived with me for six years.

After a nine-year ordeal and a five-month trial, a verdict was reached: Merritt was found guilty on four counts of first-degree murder. There remain many unanswered questions about the case, and now the sentencing phase is underway.

Did the verdict bring closure to the McStays? In a way, perhaps. But how will they ever forget what happened? Closure wasn’t the correct word to use in that article. According to a June 11 Los Angeles Times article, by Alene Tchekmedyian, as Susan left the court room, she mentioned to a woman, “It’s over.” So, maybe “over” would be a better word choice than closure.

After hearing the verdict Monday morning, I was in a fog most of the day. Although I hadn’t seen the McStays much in the years following the divorce, they had been a part of my life for six years. And I am the reason they moved to California, although years ago, shortly after the family disappeared, Susan told me emphatically not to think that way.

The lyrics, “…To those distant fallen angels, who descended much too soon,” from the song, “Dry Your Eyes,” co-written by Neil Diamond and Jaime Robertson in 1976, kept going through my mind on Monday. It’s a start-healing song, that was written after the 1960s assassinations of JFK, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy.

At a Hot August Night Neil Diamond concert at the Los Angeles Forum in 2017, one of Diamond’s last concerts, I videoed three minutes of him singing “Dry Your Eyes.” Greta and I were sitting in the balcony and I didn’t have my zoom on, but it’s still the best video of Diamond singing that song–and his band playing it–that I could find on YouTube. The band member playing the trumpet is outstanding. The link to the video is below.

You will notice in the upper right corner of the video, beginning about 35 seconds into it–there is a close-up screen of Diamond, and then at the 1:30 point of the video, the trumpet player appears and plays his solo also on that screen.

Now that the verdict is in, somewhat ending the nine-year ordeal that the McStay Family and Summer’s family have gone through, perhaps those family members will be able to start drying their eyes.

Link to my Dry Your Eyes video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/riPIMKjYFWA

A reminder: the next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point, 5 to 7 p.m. I always enjoy meeting and getting to know our Champs who are able to attend.

Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point

Tom talking to seniors at Dana Point California Meet and Greet May 22 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 31, 2019 – Keeping me focused – The next Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point California is Thursday, June 27, 2019

by columnist Tom Blake

Get it right, Tom

I received several comments about the singles Meet and Greet recap in last week’s eNewsletter. However, the most frequent comment wasn’t about THAT Meet and Greet, it was about the NEXT Meet and Greet. I wrote it would be Thursday, June 28.

About 20 Champs set me straight (in a cordial and respectful way). In 2019, there won’t be a Thursday, June 28. That Thursday is June 27. I stand humbly corrected.

And speaking of Meet and Greets, Randall emailed, “Tom, I’ve been advised that you have a singles group that meets at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point on a monthly basis. I know your reputation for being honest and would like to attend the next meeting.”

My response to Randy: “With this group of astute Champs, anything less than honesty would be exposed in a nanosecond.

“The May Meet and Greet at Tutor & Spunky’s Deli was the first one since I sold the deli in 2015. Turnout was great, about 100. We will continue to have them as long as senior singles in our area want them.”

I suggested Randy sign up for this On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter on FindingLoveafter50.com, so he can be updated on upcoming events and singles information that I consider important, interesting (and honest!).

Romance Scam alert

Randy’s “being honest” comment leads me into a story of someone who wasn’t honest. I’m sharing it today because I never want any of our Champs to be scammed out of money, assets, self-respect, or anything.

I read an article written by Faith Karimi that appeared on CNN on May 24. A woman from Georgia was swindled out of $80,000 by a young scammer. I couldn’t determine from the article the age of the woman but was shocked that she was so naïve and foolish that she gave the man the money after one week of dating.

Here are some of the excerpts from the CNN.com article:

“John Martin Hill, 35, connected with the woman…on Match.com in late March…Hill took the woman out on a date the same day they met (online), and the two agreed to get married a week later… (I thought to myself—you must be kidding–she met him in person on the same day first contact was made, without checking him out, and, agreed to marry him in a week?).

“He told the woman he’s a millionaire, and they decided to invest in a love nest. The woman gave her now fiancé $80,000 (cash) to help with the home’s purchase…

“During their short romance, he convinced her that they were in love and wanted to buy a house together…When he got the money, he cut all contact with the woman… (shocking, I know).

“The man lived with another woman and a child in Duluth, Georgia — and he’s wanted in Virginia, Delaware, Maryland and New Jersey for similar scams, authorities said.

“Since then, several women have come forward and said they were in a relationship with him, or, knew women who were. Hill has changed his name at least five times in two and a half years, police said.

“Police arrested him Wednesday at a hotel in Franklin, Tennessee…”

The CNN story also stated, “’By sharing this story, it is our hope that he is not able to victimize any other women using this scam,’ Gwinnett County Police said in a statement. ‘These types of con men are very good at manipulating their victims. They tend to say everything that a woman wants to hear.’”

Emphasis on sentence above: they tend to say everything a woman wants to hear.

Apparently, Hill has used several aliases including Gregory Hill and has scammed women in several states. He’s behind bars now, and it seems he will be for years to come. He was busted in 2012 but was still able to operate scams since then.

How anyone could be so naïve is beyond comprehension. However, it happened to women in several states. Wow.

Link to that article:

https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/24/us/georgia-alleged-romance-con-artist-trnd/

In fairness to Match.com…

I don’t want to give the impression that all Internet dating sites are bad, and I’m not singling out Match.com. I am merely re-emphasizing that one must be careful when meeting strangers online or anywhere.

This week, Don, one of our Champs, wrote to say he would attend the next Meet and Greet. Don said, “I met the perfect lady for me on Match.com a little over a year ago and she seems to think I am the perfect man for her. Edie is 73 and I am 78 and we are doing great.”

Meetup.com is not a dating site, but here’s why it’s a good option for meeting people…

Vicki wrote, “I’m 70. Widowed 5 years. I loved being married and though I don’t want marriage at my age, I do want a companion. I’ve been lucky and I’ve dated a lot.

“I’m a determined lady and I’ve used all the dating sites (and I took dating seriously) and I’ve had horror stories, but I’ve also met some ‘ok men,’ just never ‘my man.’ I always picked men that were 3 or 4 years younger; I’m an on-the-go, fun, lady who attracts younger men, men who also like to get out and have fun).

“I’ve always turned down dates from anyone younger than 3 or 4 years. Even though I’ve always been told I do not look my age, I never strayed from that age range because I was brought up that women date their age or older.

“As for the you-look-younger line I hear, people say that to be nice and your age is going to come up sooner than later when you date, and I’m a bad liar. I always told the truth about my age and ignored the invites from the 50s + group.

“I joined a fun Meetup.com group–single and 55+ was the requirement. I recommend Meetup.com to meet men vs. online dating. Of course, more women than men are in this group, but lucky me, an attractive man 10-years-younger, took a liking to me.

“We went out, he knew my age, he didn’t care! I wrestled with the age differences until I realized how much fun I was having with him, and guess what? We are now companions, spend at least 4 or 5 nights a week together, have gone on two trips and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in a relationship!

“My new advice for all daters over 55 is just go for it, enjoy every minute you have and forget age, be honest and if they don’t care, you don’t care! You are as young as you feel and when anyone asks my age I now say, ‘I’m old enough to know better than to answer that, and young enough not to care that you asked!’ Then I wink! It usually gets a laugh!”

Memorial Day Ceremony and Flower Drop at the Palm Springs Air Museum…

A P-51 Mustang participated in the Flower Drop flyover. This plane was flown by the Tuskegee Air Men

Greta and I were in Palm Springs on Memorial Day. We decided to attend the 22nd Annual Flower Drop & Air Fair at the Palm Springs Air Museum, known as one of the best air museums in the world. As a Navy veteran, Memorial Day means a lot to me. I wrote about our incredible day there, and included several pictures and videos. If interested, go to http://www.TravelAfter55.com. The home page will open on the story. That is the same website with all of our travel adventures on it.

Reminder: The next Meet and Greet is Thursday, June 27, 2019, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, CA. 5 to 7 p.m.