On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 29,2021
By Thomas P. Blake columnist
Why I don’t play Cupid for senior singles
Why I’ not a matchmaker
A woman Champ suggested this week that I add playing cupid to my job description.
Cheryl emailed, “Because you know a lot of single men and women, you would be a great person to introduce them. For me, it may not work because I live in L.A. County near LAX, about an hour’s drive from South Orange County. As you have previously mentioned, senior singles are not interested in driving long distances – especially at night.
“I’m not saying you should become a full-blown matchmaker – that would take a lot of work and responsibility. But there are other ways you could become a ‘go-between.’
“How about allowing your readers to sign up on an ‘eligible-list’ page on your http://www.findingloveafter50.com website, and perhaps have them include the general area where they live, their status (divorced, widowed, for example), and a photo?
An ‘eligible-list’ with a mini-profile of each person? While Cheryl’s intentions are honorable, she is in effect suggesting I become a matchmaker.
Cheryl added, “I’m sure there’s a great guy in my area who is looking for me!”
Cheryl, I know where there’s a single guy. But you’d have to travel to Dingle, Ireland to meet him
photo by Tom Blake
In 27 years of column writing, I’ve encountered hundreds of seniors who’ve found love, and thousands who haven’t. And I’ve tried to introduce some of them including widowers, widows, never-married and divorced people, particularly when they live within 25 miles of each other. Some have become couples, but in most cases, no match was made. I heard the words, “We just weren’t right for each other,” often.
Some people who had asked me to find them a mate were annoyed that I wasted their time, even though they were the ones who approached me in the first place. Older singles, who are set in their ways, can be very picky and hard to please. It’s often a no-win situation. For example:
A woman who asked me to introduce her said, “You didn’t tell me he drinks bourbon, gambles on football, talks too much, and snores.”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t know that.”
Another reason I won’t match-make is there are more single women seeking love at age 65 compared to men of the same age; the ratio of single women to single men is about four-to-one. At age 75, that ratio increases to approximately five-to-one.
A similar ratio would exist on an eligible list website page. Men who are out there wouldn’t post to it. And then I’d hear the all-too-familiar cry: “Where are the men?” Imagine, having an eligible page that listed only women? It’d be a flopper-rue of a page.
Would including an “eligible” page on my website as Cheryl suggests yield successful matchups? Perhaps a few, if men participated. However, the time, effort, and cost to create and update a list would be prohibitive.
Nearly every day during the pandemic, an email arrives in my inbox promoting new dating and/or matchmaking sites. One matchmaker included these words:
“Local matchmaker has more older women and needs more men to match with female clients.”
The same site said its workers do their best to find that person and introduce you.
“Do their best?” Wow, matchmakers who often charge between $700 and $25,000 are only as good as the clients they have in their dating pool.
Will I add a “fixer-upper” list to my website? No thanks. However, when I sense that two people might make a match–similar ages or the same city or similar interests–I will mention to each one about the other one. If they both agree, I will share an email address but I must have permission from both of them. I’ve done it many times through the years.
When the pandemic is under control, my partner Greta and I will resume the monthly senior singles meet and greet gatherings at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point. Many people met their mates there. But I didn’t fix them up. They did it themselves by being willing to get off their couches and out of their houses.
And with some of those successful couples, I was amazed when they got together. I wouldn’t have thought to introduce them, thinking their interests were too different. Hence, I would have been wrong.
So, Cheryl, Tom Blake will remain a columnist and leave the matchmaking to the dating sites and matchmakers. They are the so-called “pros” and the only thing they lack: single men.
Here’s the website link again. Tell me where on the site the page you suggest would go: http://www.findingloveafter50.com
A quick mention of thanks to so many of you who sent me your condolences regarding the death of my brother. I was surprised at the number of you who’ve had similar losses.