On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 8, February 21, 2020
10 senior men comment on dating profile dishonesty
by Tom Blake
Women often say that men don’t comment much in these eNewsletters.
As I read the responses from last week’s article, which featured Champ Arlene’s date with a guy, 81, who had advertised that he was 71 on a website dating profile— an unusual thing happened while the responses starting coming in.
The first eight responses came from men and they all mentioned dating profile dishonesty. That’s never happened before. Usually, it’s the women who quickly comment and the men’s responses trickle in over the next few days.
So today, we are going to feature responses from nine men, plus my comments, for a total of 10 responses from men.
The topic: Senior men comment on dating profile dishonesty
Ben said, “Tell a lie and you will surely not remember what you said, but, tell the truth and honesty will shine in you.”
Terry, aka, The Funny Plumber: “Age is a funny thing. My body is 78; but both brains still think 18.”
Tom’s comment: “You’re a dog, Terry. But we love the heck out of you.”
Larry: “The 81-year-old guy should try a Filipino! Age gaps of 30,40 and even 50 years are accepted and not uncommon in the Philippines.”
Tom’s response to Larry: “But, that’s a long way to travel to meet a date in person.
Army (a man’s nickname): “The guy’s story sounds like a cabbie in NYC. If he’s at 6th Avenue, and the fare is at 75th, he might call in that he’s at 45th, so he would appear to be the closest and get the fare.”
Tom’s comment: Army’s right. Technically, it’s a lie, but it’s a marketing technique to at least get a shot at getting the fare.
Sid, “Interesting you mentioned Tony Bennett last week, who at 94 is still touring. I remember seeing him sing, ’I Left My Heart in San Francisco” at the Hotel Fairmont Venetian Room in San Francisco in 1965. I was just about to deploy to Viet Nam, so that makes me 76.”
Tom’s reply to Sid: At the start of the Viet Nam War in 1963, I was based at the Naval Station Subic Bay, Philippines. The day the war began, three US ships were dispatched from Subic to Viet Nam. My ship, the USS Noble, APA 218, was one of the three. We had 3,000 Marines on board; it was a scary time. The plan was for the ship to go up the Saigon River to drop the troops off and pick up Americans to evacuate them from Saigon.
About an hour before the ship entered the river mouth, the plan was cancelled. For 45 days, we just patrolled around off the coast of Cap St. Jacques before returning to Subic Bay. The Marines never got off the ship in Viet Nam.
When the ship returned to Subic 45 days later, a beautiful woman Filipino entertainer at the Officer’s Club sang, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” Not a dry eye in the place.
John, “I agree with Christine Baumgartner (dating and relationship expert and a Champ). Honesty and transparency are recommended for anyone using online dating sites.
Finding a relationship is difficult enough, but lying, even a little, reduces your chances; it doesn’t increase them.
“If the guy had been honest and upfront, Arlene might have enjoyed something in common, like staying on ships for a cruise or deployment. She might have accepted the age difference so she could evaluate other elements on his profile for compatibility.
“Instead, of him thinking a small lie wouldn’t matter, it became the focus for her or anyone else that she found unacceptable. It’s hard to focus on any other factor that might support compatibility once something–considered dishonest–becomes the 800-pound gorilla sitting with them at the table.
“Driving to work the other morning, I heard that Robert Wagner just turned 90.The amount of energy he displays in his guest appearances on NCIS encourage the rest of us and justifies when I read this on one of my t-shirts: “Yes, I’m old, but at least I made it.”
“Last Wednesday, I was asked how old I am. I truthfully replied: physically, 67; mentally
between 5 to 8 years old.
“A good topic. I know the female experiences will help teach all of us something to
consider and understand.”
Note from Tom: The women will have their opportunity to discuss dating profile dishonesty in next week’s eNewsletter.
Wayne, “Almost everyone I have met on Match.com lied about something, the age of their pictures, their age, their goals, etc.
“Many also do not reveal much about themselves in their profile. Naturally, I deleted all
the women who I detected were not being forthcoming or willing to share basic information about themselves.
“I’m sure men are guilty of the same thing. Maybe you can initiate a column on the
value of transparency in online dating sites. Why waste other’s time if you are unwilling
to be transparent in your dating profile?”
Art, “I started on POF (Plenty of Fish) in 2008 and I put my correct age from the beginning.
My thinking was, and still is, that once I meet a lady in person, the truth will be evident, and I would be branded as a liar if I had fibbed on my profile.
“I also don’t want to date women who are much younger, since they may likely be still
working and not able to meet during the week.
“I am 81, and the lady I’m seeing is 78. She has been retired about the same length of time, and we are a good match age-wise and have many mutual interests.”
Kenny, “My question: ‘Is, describing one’s body type as ‘average,’ when one is (VERY) obviously, seriously overweight,’ considered ‘lying?’
“Also, while posting your ‘true age,’ is posting long-ago photos at a much, much younger age acceptable?
“Or, are these two modus operandi simply ‘creative’ advertising/marketing?
“I have been on more than a few ‘meet & greets’ where the gals have posted their
correct age on their dating profiles, but were much, MUCH older-looking when
finally meeting face-to-face.
“And, on a lunch first-date last weekend, the gal was a good 40-50 pounds heavier
than ‘average body type,’ which she had stated in her profile.
“I guess my new internet dating mantra should be: When viewing dating-profile photos,
don’t trust the ‘head shots.’”
Based on what the men stated above, here are
Men comment on five ways people are guilty of dating profile dishonesty
1. They post an age younger than their true age
2. They display an out-of-date photo that shows them as much younger than they are
3. They show only a “head shot” to disguise the remainder of the body
4. They select an “average body type” when they are a “much larger” body type
5. They show a photo of their dog or cat instead of their photo.