By Tom Blake – Senior Dating Columnist
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
More Insights Into Senior Online Dating
Senior dating issues and senior dating advice and senior love
Last week’s “Online Deal Breakers and Deal Makers” eNewsletter elicited a wealth of comments from our Champs. Today, we include several of those responses.
Gloria emailed, “I found my love on Match.com three-plus years ago. He is turning 85 and I am almost 82. It truly is never too late. We lived 45 minutes apart when we met. We are now living full-time together in Palm Desert (near Palm Springs).”
Cheri, “Your beloved has been gone five months and here you are on a quest for another relationship already? That is quite disheartening to me.”
Tom’s response to Cheri’s comment comes from the above-pictured quote attributed to Elvis Presley, which is in a caption under a photo of Johhny Cash and Elvis on my wall at home:
“Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.”
Often, with older couples who have been together for years, they tell each other that when one passes first, the other should attempt to find a nice mate to help get through the difficult times of grief ahead. It’s kind of a green light each person gives the other. It’s an unselfish thing to do.
Greta and I did that. Does that mean you love your deceased mate less? Hell no; it means you need to make the best of the remaining years remaining. You need to attempt to move forward.
And if any reader thinks writing about this has been easy for me, they’ve got another guess coming. I’m just trying to help.
Larry, a Champ and long-time friend of mine wrote this week, “At our age, you and I may not have three years to let the dust settle. Who knows? No time to wait.”
And Champ Jean commented, “Tom, you are a great guy, and you get it. You deserve a nice, supportive, fun-loving woman. Don’t settle for mediocre. Good luck in your quest for companionship.”
Wayne, “I know how much you loved Greta and the last few months must have been difficult and lonely. On the brighter side, we only have so many years left and there are many nice women who would love your companionship. You are a catch!”
Thyrza, “Everything you stated in last week’s newsletter happened to me. One romance scammer who lived nearby posted a photo of himself that was 20 years old. When we met in person, he looked like he had walked across the Sahara Desert. We met for coffee but weren’t a match.
“There were other negative experiences as well. It takes patience and smartness not to get into a tricky situation. I did not give up until I met my current man.”
Cheryl, “Matt and I met on OK Cupid. What I really liked about that site was the availability of thousands of questions that can be answered. The answers are multiple-choice, but each answer has a space where you can write a comment/explanation of your answer.
“Matt had answered over 400 questions, most of which included an explanation, and I had answered over 600 questions with explanations when we started communicating. So, we already knew much about each other before our initial contact.
“When I was ‘surfing’ the site, I found it very helpful to be able to read responses from guys on certain issues I was concerned about. I could determine ‘deal breakers’ easily and not contact that person. One guy, for example, responded that he likes dogs but ‘not in my house.’ My dogs have always been in my house, so that was an immediate deal-breaker for me.
“No scammer is going to go to the trouble of answering hundreds of questions! They all seem to follow basically the same format of answering a few similar questions typically written in very poor English!”
“I’m glad you’ve decided to jump into online dating. I think the age issue is extremely variable in terms of impact. Some people are old at 50 and others are still young at 80. Our physical status impacts us but so does our attitude!
“Take good care, and I hope you find a loving partner for ‘the rest of the journey.’”
Mary, a woman I started going steady with on January 9, 1955 (68 years ago), set me straight by writing, “After reading through your assessment of dating-meeting websites, I can think of no reason why you would continue. Get out: volunteer. You know the drill.”
Tom’s response to Mary’s comment. After all these years, she’s still trying to set me straight! (said with a grin). I agree that volunteering and other forms of face-to-face activities are important in one’s quest to meet a mate. However, the process of meeting someone in that way can take a great deal of time. And I don’t have time to waste. So sure, do some of those things but cast a wide net. And consider adding internet dating to your repertoire!
One positive of internet dating is that you can reach out to a multitude of people in minutes who fit your criteria (Of course, some or many of them will likely be scammers).
Terri, “I wondered how long it would take you to dive into the dating pool. I wish you the very best of luck, you may well be on the adventure of a lifetime! I hope you share some of those adventures with your Champs.
“I spent six years on dating sites after my divorce (33 years of marriage). It took me from my mid-60s into my 70s. I met some real doozies. I also met several nice men who I still consider to be great friends. I have not been on a dating site for two years. I have a steady date who is wonderful and loyal, and a couple of lovely men who still call me to see if their luck might have changed.
“Match.com is a good place to start and still the best place that we have to meet other singles and potential friends. Good luck and my best to you.”
Barb, “I gave up on online dating. One guy I met professed to be Catholic and fully following the teachings. After we communicated for several months, I spent most of the day visiting him. He picked me up at the airport. After getting into his vehicle, his first words were, ‘I went to the VA to get tested, and I’m clean, good to go.”
“I responded, ‘If that’s your idea of a first date, you can take me back to the airport. After the air was cleared, we had an enjoyable day. No romantic connection, but we are still texting friends.”
Althea, “From your newsletter last week, I can see that your loneliness is getting to you. So, you joined Match.com. Welcome to frustration and disappointment. I think the biggest red flags and the people to stay away from are the ones who are over the top and obsessed on any subject…politics, religion, looks, weight, age, exes, their family, and pets…run fast.
“I bet your next honey will be the woman you bump into at the supermarket or park or walking down the street…maybe paddle boarding? Or a friend says, ‘I have someone I want you to meet.’”
Judith, “Five years after my husband of 45 good years passed, I was ready for a new guy. We met on Match and after months of dates and talks, we became a couple. We’ve been together for five years and share good times. We both have our own homes but spend nights together. Thanks for your words of wisdom.”
Laurie Jo, “Regarding online dating, I never found a match and I dated like it was a job. Had up to three coffee dates a day. Kept notes.
“I was the target of a scam that wasn’t obvious at first. This person invested a lot of time on the phone with me. But it all became clear when he was ‘stuck in UAE due to customs taking his gemstones’ and he needed $2,000.
“I said, ‘Not my problem’ and he never called again.”
Elenute emailed, “I’ve been on dating sites for six years. SilverSingles is a terrible site: over 90% of what I’ve received are scams. I’m getting pretty good at sorting them out. I’m ready to cancel the two dating sites I’m on when my subscriptions run out.”
Tom’s ending remarks: From the comments above, there is little doubt that online dating for people 50-plus is a huge challenge. All sites have scammers. Profile pictures often aren’t current. I noticed that some women make an honest effort to put “date picture taken” captions under their photos. I wrote to some of those women and thanked them for being honest about their pictures.
Which senior dating sites are the best? I found an article dated March 3, 2023, in a San Francisco Bay area local newsletter called The Daily. The article is titled, “10 Best Senior Dating Sites for Mature Singles Over 40.”
That article does a thorough job of ranking the sites. Perhaps read it and study the reviews. Here’s the link:
https://www.sfgate.com/market/article/best-senior-dating-sites-17242542.php
As I wrote last week: Remember, it only takes finding the right one for you. Easier said than done, but don’t give up trying.
On Life and Love after 50 