Where are single senior men?

    On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 15, 2020
Where are single senior men? The answer is easier now

by Tom Blake Columnist

The most frequently asked question I’ve received in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50 has come from women. In the first few years of writing, the question was: “Where can I meet single senior men in their 50s?”

Around 2005, the question changed: “Where can I meet single men in their 60s?”

In 2014, when I sold my Dana Point deli and retired, the question had become: “Where can I meet single men in my 70s?”

In February, 2020, a question was: “Where/How to meet Prof Men?” That question did not come from a Champ, it came from a woman named Judy who contacted me via the FindingLoveafter50.com website.

When Judy asked that question, she volunteered other information: “I’m a financially secure gal who cannot find local men to date. I joined Match.com only to have Match notify me that four of the men they sent me were frauds.

“Also, Match.com recommended a university professor, age 75, who is still working full time and has cancer. This seems to be my luck!”

“What on earth? Where can I meet a nice man on my same level in life? At my age, I sure don’t want to drive two hours, which is also what I found on Match.com. I feel I am classy, attractive, enjoy sports, a golfer and have a nice outgoing personality. Please advise.”

About 10 days after receiving Judy’s email, reports of COVID-19 started to surface. Any advice I could offer her became out-of-date, not usable.

How do I give someone dating advice and in the same breath advise them “to quarantine at home?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have suggested to Judy what I’ve said to all women who have asked that question over the years “Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Adopt a positive attitude. Smile. Put your best self out there. Staying at home doesn’t hack it.”

It was hard to get more specific with Judy because she didn’t reveal what’s she’s doing to meet men, other than flail away on Match.com.

I suggested she become a Champ, but to my knowledge, that didn’t happen.

Also, I would have added this to Judy’s advice, “Since you are a golfer, pursue that option. Lots of men golf and go to driving ranges. And they often have an adult-beverage after a round of golf in the 19th hole bar and grill at the clubhouse. Make yourself visible, smile, have fun, and above all, keep your eye on the ball. You know, the golf ball.”

For now, until this virus subsides, and hopefully disappears all together, I can’t give advice to her other than to online date. However, she has a bitter taste in her mouth toward online dating because of her experience with Match.com. And that shows through in her comments.

I would have recommended—had she become a Champ–that she read our eNewsletter from two weeks ago in which Champ Christine Baumgarten, a dating and relationship coach, talked about “Why now is the PERFECT TIME to date.” I’ve posted that eNewsletter with Christine’s comments on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website.

To access that issue, once on the website home page, note that the ribbon across the top of the page shows an eNewsletters category. That’s a drop-down menu. Click on it and again on Tom’s 2020 and 2019 eNewsletters. The most recent eNewsletter posted is the one with Christine’s advice. It’s the first one you will come to.

What I’ve found during these stay-at-home times is that I’m connecting with many old friends, with whom I haven’t talked in a long time. In some cases, years. That eases loneliness and who knows, for our single Champs, a connection with an old friend might lead to something more? It would have to be a remote connection for now.

And while remote, we still can see people via Facetime on our phones or Zoom or with our computer cameras.

So now, in May, 2020, that 26-year-old question, “Where do I meet men?” hasn’t gone away. But it’s easier to answer now, because the choices that I can suggest are so few. And they are almost all virtual.

Maybe the answer to where to meet men is in the picture of the woman on the cover of my ebook below: Getting a magnifying glass and looking under rocks.  By the way, for the next two weeks, I’ve dropped the price of this ebook to $0.99 (99 cents) on Smashwords for our Champs. It’s normally $3.99. To order a book on Smashwords.com, a person will need to get a personal account with Smashwords. It’s simple, just provide your email address and password. Write down your password for the next time you go to Smashwords. Here’s the link to order: https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . When that page opens, you will see six book covers, click on the one hat looks like this.

Hang in there, Champs. When socializing resumes, I look forward to hearing some positive stories of single seniors meeting online during this crisis, and how these senior singles finally got to meet face-to-face.

FOR NEXT WEEK: Let’s do a column on senior dating sites. Share your opinions, and experiences. I am getting questions that ask what are the best sites for our age group. So, help me write that column by emailing me (tompblake@gmail.com)

Shortage of single senior men

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 3, 2018

Shortage of single senior men 

If I had a magic wand, I’d create single senior men and introduce them to single senior women (who often tell me they’d like to have a male companion).

I often receive comments in person or via emails from women regarding the lack of senior single men.

One woman emailed, “I read your article and thought of my mom, an incredible widow, 62, active, fit, positive, outgoing, fun-loving, an accountant for a large church, one of the most sincere and honest people I know.

My dad died of cancer 12 years ago and while she has dated a little and would like to meet someone, I’ve yet to talk her into internet dating and she insists it will just happen, kind of like the story you tell of meeting Greta. But where are the men?

After I checked your Finding Love after 50 website, I thought maybe you knew someone in a similar boat who wanted to be set up. I know it’s kinda crazy but the thought came to me, so I had to chase it!”

Lynn emailed: “Being 68 years YOUNG now, and three marriages later, I found you by mistake, as I googled San Clemente apartments and was lead to the San Clemente Times newspaper. The headlines of your 24 years of writing on love and life after 50, grabbed my attention!

I am a firm believer in the adage, ‘There are no coincidences.’ And, once again, reading your articles proved it.

My relocation from Washington state has not been easy. Reading many of your posts has lightened my heart and renewed my faith in ‘anything is possible at any age.’ Where do the men hang out?”

Mirtha emailed, “I am a single senior woman, a widow, who lives nearby and decided it was time to try meeting a male friend with whom to go dancing or watch a movie. But, I’m not seeking a boyfriend or husband.

I frequently attend public places. I go to all dances in local senior facilities. I attend all shows at the Cabrillo Play House and the Laguna Play House. I am not sitting at home waiting to meet a new friend, but the result is always the same: Senior couples, senior couples, senior couples, or senior ladies. Where are the senior single men?”

Tom’s 7 thoughts on the shortage of single senior men and meeting senior single men:

While each single senior woman has a different situation, I wanted to comment in general on the shortage of senior single men:

1. Understand that finding good men in the later years is difficult, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re not meeting men. It’s not your fault. By age 70, senior single women outnumber senior single men by approximately three-or-four-to-one. Plus, women tell me that many of the men are not “dating material” or simply don’t date, so the ratio, is, in effect, even greater.

Last Saturday, Greta and I were invited to a 50th wedding anniversary party in a nearby neighborhood. More than 100 guests filed in and out. Most were 70-80+ While I could be wrong, I saw only one single man, maybe early 50s, and he was there with his teenage daughter. There were several very fine widows there. I wish I had a magic wand to introduce them all to nice men

2. Consider online dating, especially if you live in a remote area, or small town. The internet can expand your reach beyond city limits and state lines, putting your name in front of thousands of men. However, I am not a big fan of online dating for seniors–too many flakes and kooks out there. Seniors are vulnerable to scams. It’s hard to know whom to trust. Follow your instincts.

But, online dating can be a tool for you to use to try to meet a potential mate. But, be careful

3. Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Check out Meetup.com to find activities in your area

4. Attitude is critical. In meeting people, be positive, friendly and smile. You never know when someone for you will enter your life. Always put your best foot forward

5. Make as many new friends as you can

6. People’s situations change. A married man could get divorced or become a widower. Of course, we hope that never happens. But it does; it’s life. And you might be the person who is a gift from above, or a shoulder tap, who gives renewed hope, and love, and companionship to a person who has a huge hole in his heart

7. Remember being alone and single is far better than being with someone who makes you miserable

If only I had a magic wand, I would create more senior single men and introduce them to senior single women.

flaf spy glass cover

        Where are those single senior men?