| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter June 5, 2026 Coping With Growing Older By Columnist Tom Blake  Columnist Tom Blake, before addressing a + 55 crowd re: aging Coping with Growing Older eNewsletter June 5, 2026 The May 15, 2026 eNewsletter was written by Debbie, the therapist, and was named “A Match at Any Age.” The topic was the two of us (Debbie and Tom) joining her friends—Beverly and Richard–in going to the movie Michael in Long Beach and then the four of us having dinner at the nearby Cheesecake Factory afterwards. Debbie has known Beverly for 50 years. In 2004, Debbie introduced Beverly to Richard, and they have been a couple ever since. I had never met them. Richard impressed me. He is 91, though you would never guess it. He is in incredible shape. He swims and bikes daily and is as sharp as a tack. He has aged well. I’ve thought about Richard and his age since meeting him a month ago. Mainly, because all too often, I’ve been seeing on the news or in newspapers that many celebrities, including singers, are having health issues that are affecting their careers. At age 86, these stories get my attention and remind me to keep writing and stay busy. For example, this last weekend, I saw Barry Manilow, age 83 (this month), interviewed on Good Morning America, saying he might be unable to sing anymore because he’s lost his voice to throat cancer. He doesn’t know if his voice is ever coming back. He has sold 85 million records with songs like Mandy, Copacabana, I Write The Songs, and Lola. And then, also this past week, I read that Frankie Valli, 92, of the Four Seasons, has had to cancel his remaining 2026 tour dates due to health reasons. He hopes he can sing again in six months or so. The Four Seasons are noted for Sherry, Big Girls Don’t Cry, Walk Like A Man, and Rag Doll, plus many more. Recently, Rod Stewart, age 81, cancelled two of his Las Vegas Caesars Palace shows on May 30 and 31 due to health reasons (sinus infection, doctors’ orders). He also cancelled his June 2 Caesars Palace show. Among his famous songs are Maggie May, Reason To Believe, Da Ya Think I’m Sexy? You’re In My Heart. Stewart has had 10 #1 albums. In 2009, at age 62, Linda Ronstadt announced she had to retire from singing because she had also lost her voice due to progressive supranuclear palsy. She is now 79 and is known for songs such as Blue Bayou and You’re No Good. She produced 24 studio albums. In 2018, Neil Diamond announced that he would no longer tour or perform live due to Parkinson’s Disease. Known, of course, for songs such as Sweet Caroline, I Am, I Said, and my two favorites, Holly Holy and Dry Your Eyes. Diamond is still recording and producing music at age 84, just not performing live. One exception to age and health taking their toll on notable people is Clint Eastwood, who turned 96 on May 31, 2026. In 2020, I wrote a column titled “Don’t Let The Old Man In,” about the movie of the same title, in which Eastwood starred. In that column, I included three quotes that Eastwood made to help seniors remain positive, particularly during difficult health times. One quote: “Get up and go outside. Don’t Let the Old Man In.” Another: “Stay close to your friends.” And third: “Look out your window and smile. Don’t Let the Old Man In.” I recommend the Lone Wolf Productions video, “Don’t Let the Old Man (or Woman) In.” It’s an amazing four-minute synopsis of that movie and features Toby Keith and Clint Eastwood. Here’s the link. Don’t Let The Old Man In In 2017, Eastwood was quoted as saying, “I would rather die on set than retire.” He has officially retired, according to his son Kyle, and he is still alive. We are all growing older and need to try to manage our health to the best of our abilities. Of course, there are many health issues we have no control over. However, by keeping our minds active and our bodies moving, just as Richard mentioned at the beginning of today’s column, about his daily swimming and biking, we’re doing our best to be around a little bit longer. By the way, the link to my website is listed below. A few of you have asked to check out the website. Keep on Truckin’, Champs. Tom Blake PublishingDana Point, CAtompblake@gmail.com click on link below toFinding Love After 50 website |
| Tom Blake Publishing | Dana Point | Dana Point, CA 92629 |
Category: Ask The Therapist
Why Tom Needs a Break
| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter March 13, 2026 by Columnist Tom Blake |
| Last Friday, the eNewsletter featured Debbie in an Ask The Therapist article about the importance of communication for couples. I was surprised that so many men responded, albeit briefly. Here are four comments from men. An Orange County man stated, “Debbie’s article was very helpful for me. I know I need to talk some things out with my lady friend, but I don’t speak up because I want to keep the peace. Timing is important too. The way I communicate is key as well. Thanks, Debbie, for your help.” Wayne emailed, “Debbie, “You were a great pinch hitter…excellent column. Thank you.” Bill, “I liked your insight and smooth writing. Thank you for this very important and timely message.” Terry, aka, the funny plumber, simply asked, “Tom, Are you okay?” He was responding to Debbie’s opening comment, which was: “Tom asked if I would write another episode of Ask the Therapist. He needed a bit of a respite after everything that has been going on in his life…” Tom’s response to Terry “I’m fine, Terry, but I needed (and still do) a break. Please understand I’m not complaining—no whoa-is-me type of stuff. “As many of you know, for 13 months, I’ve been trying to sell a property I’ve owned in Palm Springs for eight years. That meant lots of improvements and work projects. The property went into escrow three times and fell out. The real estate market in Palm Springs has been difficult. One of the reasons is that the Canadiens are avoiding renting or purchasing real estate out there. They have always been a big part of the snowbird visitors and property owners. They aren’t traveling to the USA much these days. “So, there have been many time-consuming trips out there and back to Orange County. Thankfully, the property sold in late February. But all furniture that had not been sold or disposed of was shipped home via professional movers to my Dana Point home. “And lately, I’m working on preparing my tax returns for 2025. I know that sounds silly, as we all need to do that, but with two properties (Palm Springs was a rental) I got a bit behind in my tax record-keeping. Hopefully, I will finish that challenge this week. “Plus, writing this eNewsletter weekly and my newspaper columns bi-weekly takes several hours each week. The publisher of those three papers does not permit me to write what I’ve written in my weekly eNewsletters. “Also, taking time was a four-day trip to San Francisco to meet up with old Victoria Station Restaurant chain buddies as we attended a special Johnny Cash tribute concert at the Bohemian Club on February 26, with 400 male club members in attendance. “The night of the concert, my buddies told a club member that I had known Johnny Cash. The man asked if I had read Johnny’s Man In Black autobiography (see photo above). I told him I had an autographed copy of the book at home. “When I returned home, I looked at the book and saw that Johnny’s autographed message to me was signed on August 15, 1975.The book had been published on August 1, 1975, so my copy was likely one of the first of that book that Johnny signed. Thirteen million copies of that book have been sold. “ So, enough about me and why Debbie said I needed a rest. As we age, we all need to take a break occasionally. To keep the eNewsletter chugging along, we need your questions, stories, and comments. Let me hear from you. Cheri said, “I have a question referencing background checks… whom do I contact and how long does this take…I would appreciate your response asap…I love your articles and hope you’re well.” Background checks. That’s an important topic for next week. Share your experiences and which company you would recommend. |
Ask The Therapist
| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter March 6, 2026 By Guest Therapist Debbie Sirkin |
| Ask the Therapist The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Conflict Why staying quiet to “keep the peace” may be hurting your relationship. Hi Champs, It’s Debbie. Tom asked me if I would write another episode of Ask the Therapist. He needed a bit of a respite after everythingthat has been going on in his life, and I’ve received many thoughtful questions from so many of you. He and I thought this would be a good time to address some of them. And as always, this is your reminder that you can ask the therapist anything that’s on your mind, no subject is off limits. My email is DebbieSirkin@gmail.com. Two issues continue to come up from you Champs, and they are very similar to what I see regularly in therapy sessions: Conflict-avoidant partners and communication problems. The two often go hand in hand. What Is a Conflict-Avoidant Person? A conflict-avoidant person (often called a CA) is someone who avoids discussing issues thatbother them or topics that may be important to their partner. They often believe that if they don’t bring something up, they are “keeping the peace.” This behavior can come from: • Fear of rejection or abandonment• Not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings• A desire to not disappoint the person they care about. But when someone continually avoids expressing their feelings, they are denying an important part of themselves. Over time, this can lead to resentment, frustration, hopelessness, and eventually anger. Why Avoiding Conflict Becomes a Problem When feelings are pushed down long enough, they don’t disappear, they build. Eventually those emotions surface, often at the worst possible moment. Sometimes the reaction isn’t even directed at the partner but shows up somewhere else—like road rage or snapping at a stranger. The conflict-avoidant person believes staying quiet will keep the relationship smooth. Unfortunately, the opposite often happens.Silence can slowly erode trust. When you aren’t open about how you feel, your partner may begin to wonder whether they truly understand what’s going on with you. Another common pattern is the mental “tally.” When the eventual explosion happens, past grievances suddenly appear: “Two years ago you did…” But those issues were never discussed at the time, and the person has been carrying the hurt far longer than necessary. Where These Patterns Often Begin Many conflict-avoidant behaviors begin in childhood. If expressing feelings growing up led to dismissal, criticism, or tension, children often learn that the safest path is to stay quiet and keep the peace. The good news is that patterns learned earlier in life can be unlearned. Changing the Pattern To change how we behave, we must first change how we think.If speaking up in the past led to negative outcomes, it’s understandable that you may have learned to stay silent. But those beliefs can be replaced with healthier ones. Practice reminding yourself: • My feelings are valid.• I have the right to express them. • Honest communication can strengthen relationships.It’s also important to remember something crucial: Speaking up isn’t about controlling the other person’s reaction. It’s about expressing yourself in a healthier way and honoring your own needs. Try Starting the Conversation This Way If you’re unsure how to begin, here are a few examples: • “It’s a little hard for me to say this, but I’d like to share how I’m feeling.” • “My intention isn’t to argue—I just want us to understand each other better.” • “I’d really like to talk about my thoughts on X. I think together we can find a solution that works for both of us.” One very important tip: Before starting any meaningful conversation, ask the other person if it’s a good time to talk.Timing can make a big difference. Final Thoughts Avoiding conflict may feel like the safer choice in the moment. But over time, silence can create distance, resentment, and misunderstanding. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, openness, and the courage to speak up—even when it feels uncomfortable. The encouraging news is that these patterns are learned, which means they can also be changed. Every time you choose to communicate honestly and respectfully, you strengthen trust and deepen connection. And remember: Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. And healthy relationships make space for both. Thanks to Tom for letting me chime in this week. Please feel free to email me with comments or questions. |
A Journey of Love and Lessons Learned
| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter March 28, 2025 By Columnist Tom Blake |
| Like many seniors, I wasn’t prepared for dating later in life. My journey began in 1993, when my third wife (6 years), with no prior discussions or warning, moved out of my house. Two months later, she filed for divorce, leaving me to navigate the dating scene—a frustrating endeavor. Online dating wasn’t an option back then. Fortunately, I owned Tutor and Spunky’s, a popular deli in Dana Point, California, where many appealing women walked through the deli door. However, most were significantly younger and had no interest in a recently divorced man in his mid-50s. Struggling with the dating scene, I started a blog to document my experiences. That blog inspired my first newspaper column, published on July 7, 1994, titled, Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company. Five years later, in my deli, an attractive, soft-spoken woman about my age with a kind and gentle disposition ordered a freshly squeezed carrot juice. While she waited for her juice, I walked over to her and asked her on a date. She said, “Yes, that would be lovely.” That started a 25-year relationship with Greta. Though we never married, we lived together for 22 years, first in her San Clemente home, then in my Dana Point abode. She was a Special Education teacher. We travelled the world when we took time off from work. Greta passed away on October 29, 2022. I was one lost puppy. Technically, I wasn’t a widower, but the pain and grief were the same. After months of loneliness, I decided to reenter the dating scene. Without the deli as a dating hub, I sought other ways to connect with people. I attended a grief support group, which proved invaluable. Not only did it help me realize I wasn’t alone in my struggles, but it also introduced me to new friends—both men and women—whom I still socialize with today. To any single senior, I highly recommend joining social groups as a way to build meaningful connections. I was aware that the dating landscape had changed dramatically over 25 years, with online dating emerging as a dominant force. Aware of its pitfalls, I recognized that online dating also provided an opportunity to meet people beyond my immediate geographical area. With that in mind, I joined online sites Zoosk and Match.com. Despite hearing from some women that “All the good men are taken,” I remained optimistic. Yes, I encountered scammers and dishonest individuals, but I also met wonderful women. Patience—never my strongest trait—was essential. After messaging Debbie for a few weeks, she finally messaged me back and agreed to meet. She is 10 years younger and lives in Mission Viejo, about a half hour drive from my home in Dana Point. We began dating in May of 2023 and shared many interests. She worked as a self-employed psychotherapist and had two daughters and two grandchildren, living in other cities. Though we came from different religious backgrounds, we connected over our shared love of sports—she’s a Kansas Jayhawks fan, while I root for the Michigan Wolverines, our respective alma maters. We also shared a love of music. She attended junior high and high school on Long Island (New York) with Billy Joel. And in the 1970s, I worked with and became friends with Johnny Cash. Like any relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve learned to compromise and adjust—essential lessons for seniors in new relationships. We see each other three to four times a week, balancing companionship with personal space. She enjoys her time with friends, and I do the same. She also visits her family. As we approach two years together, chemistry remains. Senior dating has unique challenges, and I feel fortunate to have found Debbie. Our journey reminds me that love and companionship are possible at any stage in life—if one remains open to the possibilities. Please send me your stories, questions, and comments. Ask The Therapist You may be wondering what happened to the Ask The Therapist section. There have been so many questions to Debbie (yes, that Debbie, my significant other) about senior sex that I’ve decided to have her comments about that be the entire eNewsletter next week. So tune in. Also, a woman Champ reached out to Debbie for personal help. The woman contacted me and thanked me, saying Debbie has helped her immensely. |
On Life and Love after 50 