On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 3, 2018
Shortage of single senior men
If I had a magic wand, I’d create single senior men and introduce them to single senior women (who often tell me they’d like to have a male companion).
I often receive comments in person or via emails from women regarding the lack of senior single men.
One woman emailed, “I read your article and thought of my mom, an incredible widow, 62, active, fit, positive, outgoing, fun-loving, an accountant for a large church, one of the most sincere and honest people I know.
My dad died of cancer 12 years ago and while she has dated a little and would like to meet someone, I’ve yet to talk her into internet dating and she insists it will just happen, kind of like the story you tell of meeting Greta. But where are the men?
After I checked your Finding Love after 50 website, I thought maybe you knew someone in a similar boat who wanted to be set up. I know it’s kinda crazy but the thought came to me, so I had to chase it!”
Lynn emailed: “Being 68 years YOUNG now, and three marriages later, I found you by mistake, as I googled San Clemente apartments and was lead to the San Clemente Times newspaper. The headlines of your 24 years of writing on love and life after 50, grabbed my attention!
I am a firm believer in the adage, ‘There are no coincidences.’ And, once again, reading your articles proved it.
My relocation from Washington state has not been easy. Reading many of your posts has lightened my heart and renewed my faith in ‘anything is possible at any age.’ Where do the men hang out?”
Mirtha emailed, “I am a single senior woman, a widow, who lives nearby and decided it was time to try meeting a male friend with whom to go dancing or watch a movie. But, I’m not seeking a boyfriend or husband.
I frequently attend public places. I go to all dances in local senior facilities. I attend all shows at the Cabrillo Play House and the Laguna Play House. I am not sitting at home waiting to meet a new friend, but the result is always the same: Senior couples, senior couples, senior couples, or senior ladies. Where are the senior single men?”
Tom’s 7 thoughts on the shortage of single senior men and meeting senior single men:
While each single senior woman has a different situation, I wanted to comment in general on the shortage of senior single men:
1. Understand that finding good men in the later years is difficult, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re not meeting men. It’s not your fault. By age 70, senior single women outnumber senior single men by approximately three-or-four-to-one. Plus, women tell me that many of the men are not “dating material” or simply don’t date, so the ratio, is, in effect, even greater.
Last Saturday, Greta and I were invited to a 50th wedding anniversary party in a nearby neighborhood. More than 100 guests filed in and out. Most were 70-80+ While I could be wrong, I saw only one single man, maybe early 50s, and he was there with his teenage daughter. There were several very fine widows there. I wish I had a magic wand to introduce them all to nice men
2. Consider online dating, especially if you live in a remote area, or small town. The internet can expand your reach beyond city limits and state lines, putting your name in front of thousands of men. However, I am not a big fan of online dating for seniors–too many flakes and kooks out there. Seniors are vulnerable to scams. It’s hard to know whom to trust. Follow your instincts.
But, online dating can be a tool for you to use to try to meet a potential mate. But, be careful
3. Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Check out Meetup.com to find activities in your area
4. Attitude is critical. In meeting people, be positive, friendly and smile. You never know when someone for you will enter your life. Always put your best foot forward
5. Make as many new friends as you can
6. People’s situations change. A married man could get divorced or become a widower. Of course, we hope that never happens. But it does; it’s life. And you might be the person who is a gift from above, or a shoulder tap, who gives renewed hope, and love, and companionship to a person who has a huge hole in his heart
7. Remember being alone and single is far better than being with someone who makes you miserable
If only I had a magic wand, I would create more senior single men and introduce them to senior single women.
Where are those single senior men?