| On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 27, 2020 by Columnist Thomas P Blake Opportunity often arises from adversity Millions of people worldwide have experienced unthinkable and unavoidable adversity in the year 2020. Of course, Covid-19 is the biggest factor, but natural disasters such as fires, smoke, hurricanes, and flooding have added to the adversity. Adversity leads to opportunity. People have lost their loved ones, jobs, homes, and social interaction with friends—the list goes on and on. For the most part, adversity has hit seniors the hardest. The death toll is highest among the senior population. However, there is a flicker of hope on the horizon. The vaccines developed so far have been touted to be 90-plus percent effective. Once this adversity is behind us, opportunities will start to arise for individuals. Jobs will become available. In-person family visits will resume. Senior singles will meet dates face-to-face. I’m not trying to paint a rosy or idealistic picture about what has happened to us all in 2020—it’s been a terrible year. In 1994, I learned a valuable lesson about how an opportunity can arise from adversity. On Christmas 1993, I was visiting my 82-year-old mom in Northern California. I didn’t know at that time that my life was about to change dramatically. Adversity was already underway; I just didn’t know about it. The morning after Christmas, my wife of six years telephoned me at Mom’s to say she had moved out. (She didn’t mention that she had taken what furniture and belongings she wanted). All I could say was, “Where are you living?” “Doesn’t matter,” she replied. And then she said, “Gotta go,” and hung up. I packed my bag and got in the car. I was so surprised and shocked that I started jotting some notes on a pad of paper during the 500-mile drive home. Soon, those notes were transferred to a journal I started writing, attempting to gather my thoughts, figure out what had happened, and plan for the future. Three months later, I was served with divorce papers in front of employees and customers at my deli. Of course, that event was described in the journal.  Making a 30-foot deli sub was more fun than receiving divorce papers at the same deli I started to date, thinking mid-life dating would be easy. It wasn’t. I described in detail the dating frustrations and failures in my journal. After five months, the journal had grown to more than 100 pages. I converted it into a short story. I naively queried Playboy, Esquire and the New York Times, thinking those media giants might be interested in a story about a divorced man’s dating woes. They weren’t. Eventually, two women editors of the Dana Point News newspaper agreed to review my material. On July 7, 1994, just six months after my wife’s move-out, my first column was published. I realized that my writing opportunity had grown out of the adversity. I certainly didn’t expect the opportunity would last for 26 years. In June 1998, I met Greta, who had experienced adversity as well. She was a single mom, who had raised four kids. She created her own opportunity by becoming a special education teacher and being such a positive force in her student’s lives. Hopefully, after Covid-19, all of us will be able to get out and about. Seeds of opportunity will pop up here and there. For whom? In what format? When? No one can say. Some Champs have already shared their new-found opportunities with us. In the October 30 eNewsletter, seven Champs were featured with the opportunities they are working on during Covid-19. Wendy Green is a new Champ. She is a single mom who raised two children. Wendy has bounced back from adversity more than once in her life. She reached out to me by finding my articles on the Dana Point Times website. Wendy said, “In March 2020, I was laid off from my job because of Covid. I knew I still had a lot to give, and there were a lot of people from my generation experiencing a sense of loss and in need of inspiration. That is when I decided to start the Hey, Boomer broadcasts. (those broadcasts are scheduled for most Mondays, at 1 p.m. Eastern Time.)” Wendy’s website, http://www.heyboomer.biz also features her weekly blogs. I encourage Champs to sign up and read her sage advice and comments. As we emerge from this unthinkable adversity-filled year, it will be up to us as individuals to recognize our seeds of opportunity and make the best of them, although we may not realize or understand them until months or years later. And as always, I hope you will share them with me and subsequently, all Champs. |
Month: November 2020
20 Years Where’d They Go?
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter November 13, 2020
Tom Blake 26 years of writing columns
20 Years, Where’d They Go? Like A Rock
This Tuesday, November 10, I completed the final edit to this week’s eNewsletter. Scheduled it for today. It felt good to be a little ahead of the game; I wouldn’t have to worry about the normal last-minute edits.
But then, Wednesday, November 11, Veteran’s Day, came along. The eNewsletter game-plan unexpectedly changed.
What happened on Wednesday?
An email arrived in the morning from Champ Regina McGrath, of Dana Point, a special friend of Greta’s and mine.
Regina wrote: “I could have sworn I was wishing you a Happy Birthday about a month ago, so either in my old age I’m confusing dates, OR in my old age time really is going by that fast…conclusion being, I’m old!! Ha-ha!
“As always, I enjoy each and every eNewsletter you produce and as always, I miss you and Greta!
“I often wonder if you REALLY know how much you’re admired and appreciated?
“Have a wonderful Birthday & Veterans Day!”
Regina’s email stopped me in my tracks; it struck a chord.
I responded: “Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yes, it’s today. Thanks for the “admired and appreciated” comment. Wow, it’s the appreciation from Champs and friends such as you that so truly matters to me.
“For some reason—probably because it’s another birthday–your words made me reflect on all the years I’ve lived and how fortunate I’ve been, particularly the last 20 years, in which Greta and I have lived together.
“Thinking of those 20 years reminded me of one of my all-time favorite songs, “Like a Rock” by Bob Seger. (That song was used in one of the longest-running TV advertising campaigns in history, 1991 to 2004, which resulted in Chevy selling millions of trucks. Here is the verse from the song that triggered me to look back today and appreciate how blessed I’ve been.”
A verse from Like A Rock:
“Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin’ arrow-straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock”
A few minutes after Regina’s email came in, my phone rang. It was Jaime and Larry Black, who live in Laguna Beach, just up the road from Dana Point. Jaime is our travel agent and Larry prepares my tax returns in my CPA’s office.
They wished me a Happy Birthday, and then Larry said, “Aren’t you a veteran?”
I said, “Yes, which makes November 11 even more special to me.”
Larry said, “You can probably enjoy a free meal at lots of restaurants because it’s your birthday and you’re a vet.”
I said, winking at Greta, “I think we’ve got that covered.”
Larry’s veteran comment reminded me of 2016, when Greta and I visited the American Cemetery at Omaha Beach in Normany, France, and Omaha Beach itself, one of the many beaches used by the Allied Forces on D-Day, June 6, 1944, an event, I feel, that saved the world.
Being there made Greta and me feel even more grateful we are Americans. Below: “The Braves” Monument on Omaha Beach in honor of those who perished on D-Day
The Braves Monument Omaha Beach
(photo by Tom Blake 2016)
And speaking of D-Day, one of our Champs, Les Jones, age 94, was a part of the American forces on that invasion.
Champ Les Jones – WWII veteran
Les was also in the Pacific Theatre during World War II. A big salute and thanks to Les on November 11, and all days in fact.
Les is a close friend of Gary Sinise, whose foundation benefits veterans. This picture is of Gary and Les at a recent War Memorial visit in Washington D.C., It is very moving.
Gary Sinise and Les
And then, another email came in, which added to the emotional patriotism I was feeling on November 11. It was from Champ Ellen B, Seattle, sending a birthday greeting. What’s the patriotism-connection there?
I met Ellen at an Anaheim Angels baseball game in 1995. I first saw her on the pitcher’s mound, where she sang the National Anthem and introduced myself when she returned to her seat, near where I was sitting behind home plate.
I wrote my 63rd newspaper column about meeting her, which was published, August 30, 1995, titled, “Star-Spangled Night.” Wow, a quarter-century ago.
I responded to her Wednesday email with: “Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light…”
There is one more reason why November 11 is so special to me. I was born on my Mom’s birthday, so we shared that day together as often as possible. So, of course, that is another reason why Regina’s email struck such a chord.
With all of these things happening Wednesday morning, I decided to place on hold the eNewsletter initially planned for today. A new message bubbled up inside of me. I wrote straight from my heart, in a stream-of-consciousness. It took about an hour. As I read it to Greta for her comments, I had to stop a few times, I was emotionally overcome.
So, Regina, thanks for inspiring me to write today’s eNewsletter. And guess what? I already have next week’s column written. So,wow, a week off.
I appreciate all of you and the opportunity to reach out to you each week!
***
Link to Bob Seger’s “Like A Rock” Be sure to listen for the guitar solo that begins at around the 2:10 mark–incredible.
Veteran’s Day 2020 – 20 Years, Where’d They Go?
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 13, 2020
by Columnist Tom Blake
Veteran’s Day 2020 – 20 Years, Where’d They Go?
This Tuesday, November 10, I completed the final edit to this week’s eNewsletter. Scheduled it for today. It felt good to be a little ahead of the game; I wouldn’t have to worry about the normal last-minute edits.
But then, Wednesday, November 11, Veteran’s Day, came along. The eNewsletter game-plan unexpectedly changed.
What happened on Wednesday?
An email arrived in the morning from Champ Regina McGrath, of Dana Point, a special friend of Greta’s and mine.
Regina wrote: “I could have sworn I was wishing you a Happy Birthday about a month ago, so either in my old age I’m confusing dates, OR in my old age time really is going by that fast…conclusion being, I’m old!! Ha-ha!
“As always, I enjoy each and every eNewsletter you produce and as always, I miss you and Greta!
“I often wonder if you REALLY know how much you’re admired and appreciated?
“Have a wonderful Birthday & Veterans Day!”
Regina’s email stopped me in my tracks; it struck a chord.
I responded: “Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yes, it’s today. Thanks for the “admired and appreciated” comment. Wow, it’s the appreciation from Champs and friends such as you that so truly matters to me.
“For some reason—probably because it’s another birthday–your words made me reflect on all the years I’ve lived and how fortunate I’ve been, particularly the last 20 years, in which Greta and I have lived together.
“Thinking of those 20 years reminded me of one of my all-time favorite songs, “Like a Rock” Bob Seger sang. (That song was used in one of the longest-running TV advertising campaigns in history, 1991 to 2004, which resulted in Chevy selling millions of trucks. Here is the verse from the song that triggered me to look back today and appreciate how blessed I’ve been.”
A verse from Like A Rock:
“Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin’ arrow-straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock”
A few minutes after Regina’s email came in, my phone rang. It was Jaime and Larry Black, who live in Laguna Beach, just up the road from Dana Point. Jaime is our travel agent and Larry prepares my tax returns in my CPA’s office.
They wished me a Happy Birthday, and then Larry said, “Aren’t you a veteran?”
I said, “Yes, which makes November 11 even more special to me.”
Larry said, “You can probably enjoy a free meal at lots of restaurants because it’s your birthday and you’re a vet.”
I said, winking at Greta, “I think we’ve got that covered.”
Larry’s veteran comment reminded me of 2016, when Greta and I visited the American Cemetery at Omaha Beach in Normany, France, and Omaha Beach itself, one of the many beaches used by the Allied Forces on D-Day, June 6, 1944, an event, I feel, that saved the world.
Being there made Greta and me feel even more grateful we are Americans. Below: “The Braves” Monument on Omaha Beach in honor of those who perished on D-Day
The Braves Monument Omaha Beach
(photo by Tom Blake 2016)
And speaking of D-Day, one of our Champs, Les Jones, age 94, was a part of the American forces on that invasion.
Champ Les Jones – WWII veteran
Les was also in the Pacific Theatre during World War II. A big salute and thanks to Les on November 11, and all days in fact.
Les is a close friend of Gary Sinise, whose foundation benefits veterans. This picture is of Gary and Les at a recent War Memorial visit in Washington D.C., It is very moving.
Gary Sinise and Les
And then, another email came in, which added to the emotional patriotism I was feeling on November 11. It was from Champ Ellen B, Seattle, sending a birthday greeting. What’s the patriotism-connection there?
I met Ellen at an Anaheim Angels baseball game in 1995. I first saw her on the pitcher’s mound, where she sang the National Anthem and introduced myself when she returned to her seat, near where I was sitting behind home plate.
I wrote my 63rd newspaper column about meeting her, which was published, August 30, 1995, titled, “Star-Spangled Night.” Wow, a quarter-century ago.
I responded to her Wednesday email with: “Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light…”
There is one more reason why November 11 is so special to me. I was born on my Mom’s birthday, so we shared that day together as often as possible. So, of course, that is another reason why Regina’s email struck such a chord.
With all of these things happening Wednesday morning, I decided to place on hold the eNewsletter initially planned for today. A new message bubbled up inside of me. I wrote straight from my heart, in a stream-of-consciousness. It took about an hour. As I read it to Greta for her comments, I had to stop a few times, I was emotionally overcome.
So, Regina, thanks for inspiring me to write today’s eNewsletter. And guess what? I already have next week’s column written. So,wow, a week off.
I appreciate all of you and the opportunity to reach out to you each week!
***
Link to Bob Seger’s “Like A Rock” Be sure to listen for the guitar solo that begins at around the 2:10 mark–incredible.
Senior dating: Qualities wanted in a Mate
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 6, 2020
Thomas P Blake author and columnist
Senior dating: Qualities Wanted in a Potential Mate
In 2003, I published a book titled “Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do.” One chapter was devoted exclusively to the importance for middle-age singles to make a written list of the qualities-wanted in a potential mate.
The purpose of the list was simple: to help singles avoid becoming involved with a person “not right” for them, which could waste time, energy, emotions, and even money–the topic Freddy Fender sang about in his 1974 song, “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.”
In the book, I advised keeping the list simple, 10 items or less, in order of importance. Plus, I stressed that the list should simply be a flexible guide and not a rigid qualifying tool.
Keep the Qualities-wanted list simple
There were no right or wrong lists—everybody is different—but I did suggest some examples of what qualities a middle-aged woman might want a man to have:
He:
makes me his top priority
has a positive attitude and sense of humor
is carefree and relaxes. Has no drama
gives me “my space” and respects me
is attractive; I feel chemistry and warmth towards him
is financially comfortable
There were two cardinal rules to list-making. First, follow the Golden Rule. What a person wanted from a mate, he or she must also give in return. Love is a two-way street.
Second, I strongly warned to never pull the list out to look at while on a date. Can you imagine someone placing his or her list on the table and saying to a date, “You’re a little weak on item number six?”
Comparing the above 2003 book chapter to present-day senior dating
In recent discussions with single, senior men, the men have brought up qualities-wanted in potential mates. I wondered if the qualities they seek now are different when compared to 17-years-ago.
Champ Wayne mentioned that one quality on some lists this year wasn’t much of a factor 17-years-ago. He said this quality quickly eliminates about 50 percent of potential mates for both women and men. The quality? To which political party does the other person belong?
Wayne met a woman online who listed a plethora of things she likes to do—hiking, dancing, being active, going to concerts, etc. But, then she listed, rather emphatically, a potential mate had to be of the same political party as she—no exceptions.
So, Wayne thinks political-party preference might be the top item on many singles’ lists in this presidential-election year.
Champ Larry, a widower, in his 70s, talked about his list of qualities wanted. He asked if he was wrong by placing chemistry and physical attraction at the top of his list.
That was interesting because 17-years-ago, people said to me that chemistry was about number five on their lists (I often wondered if they were being honest, embarrassed to admit they ranked physical attraction much higher).
I suggested to Larry that he wasn’t wrong, as long as he was honest about it with the single women he was meeting.
There were two unacceptable qualities that Wayne and Larry mentioned. Neither wants to remarry nor date women whose children or grandchildren were living with them.
Oh my, does that mean senior singles need two lists? One for qualities-wanted and one for unacceptable qualities?
The question becomes, will senior singles take the time to make two written lists? Probably not. Just making one list is even a stretch.
However, it’s sure important that they know what qualities they want and don’t want, whether they write them down or not.
The objective of making lists might be even more important now that we are 17-years older. We want to avoid wasted days and nights as our friend Freddy Fender sang about—because we’ve got less time to waste!
What’s on your list?
Link to Freddy Fender’s song, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights:
On Life and Love after 50 