Category: remarry

Daughter wants widowed mom to remarry

Reggie the Lab arrives at his new home 

Three Champs share wisdom

                                          Daughter wants mom to remarry

During the summer months, I always get a boost in the number of inquiries I receive about people wanting to meet potential mates. Often, they do not say where they are located or provide enough details for me to be of much help to them, unless they include more information in a follow-up email.

Many of the emails originate on my Finding Love After 50 website. Anybody, any where in the world, can send me a message from that site.

For example, an email from Stephanie arrived this week. I could tell Stephanie was most likely not from the United States or Canada because she used the word “mum,” where we in North America would usually use the word “mom.”

Stephanie emailed, “I really want my mum, 50, to remarry; it’s eight years after my father passed away. I want her to get married to a man who is well-to-do and can take very good care of her the way she deserves to be taken care of. She is loving, caring, kind and affectionate. She is pretty as well.”

I replied, “Nice of you to write with the message about your mum. She is fortunate to have a daughter who cares about her. Some children don’t want their parents to remarry because no one can replace dad, or they are worried about losing their inheritance to a parent’s new love interest.

Is mum dating? Is she out meeting new people? Does she have email? I ask because every Friday I send out a no-cost eNewsletter titled, “On Life and Love after 50,” which is emailed to more than 2,000 people around the globe. She can sign up for that on the home page of the www.findingloveafter50.com website. That would be a good first step to help her to meet new people and for ideas on how to do it. Where is mum located? (I asked that because it’s important for people to know in case their interest in mum is piqued).

Your wish for her to marry ‘a man who is well-to-do so he can take care of her the way she deserves to be taken care of’ is an interesting thought, which I classify as a giant red flag. If that requirement is posted in an online dating profile, every man in the world who would read it would likely run and hide. It’s not a man’s (or woman’s) job to take care of someone in the way that person deserves to be taken care of.

What would be more important, and the first order of business, would be for her to find a man who has similar qualities as she. You described those qualities as loving, caring, kind, affectionate.

Being attractive—handsome or pretty–is the frosting on the cake. Often handsome and wealthy people are nice people, but sometimes they aren’t nice people. Some feel their beauty entitles them to not put forth the effort a relationship requires. .

And then there is the issue of remarriage. As people reach the age 50 and 60 mark, many of them don’t want to remarry. Does your mom want to remarry? Or, is that what you want for her, so that you can feel she is going to be secure?

Or, would she be happy initially just meeting a good man and hanging out with him without marriage?

People who want to remarry above all else often scare off nice potential mates.

If mum wants to email me, have her do that. Does she work? We need to know more about her to help her. At age 50, she’s young. Are there children still at home?

More information would be helpful. Thanks for caring about her.

                                       Stephanie responds

Stephanie clarified a few things when she wrote: “We are Nigerians, she’s self-employed and yes she wants to remarry.

She has kids and I am the last, I’m 20 so her getting married won’t be a problem, if the man is well-to-do it’s okay, he doesn’t have to be so wealthy and so handsome.

“Yes, she is ready to meet new people and she has an email address.”

Tom responded, “Sign her up for the Friday eNewsletter. It’s free and she can read it when she gets time. Go to the homepage and enter her name and email address.

I commend you, at age 20, for looking out for your mom. Keep me posted.

                      Comment on the http://www.FindingLoveafter50.com website

People often ask me how to view previous newsletters. About 5 years of recent ones are on the website along with lots of other material. To view previous newsletters, place your cursor on the green bar across the top of the home page where it says eNewsletters. You don’t need to click on it, just hover the cursor over it.  A drop down menu will show Tom’s 2018 eNewsletters. Click on that. To the right side, you will see the recent ones listed. And, under Archives you can see them listed by each month in 2018.

To see many former columns listed under various categories, you can alsoclick on that same eNewsletters tab. Sounds complicated but it’s really simple.

You can repeat the process to view 2017, 2016-2013 newsletters. You can also see in the drop down box videos of interviews I did on the Today Show and Good Morning America. Email me if you have questions.

                                4 Champs: one woman,  2 men share their thoughts

Champ Pam, who is involved in the San Diego Orchid Society, emailed, “Just thinking about how people can meet–especially for the So Cal Champs, there are (floral) societies.  In San Diego, the orchid, cactus and succulent, and bromeliad societies’ memberships have more men members than women.  They host floral exhibitions, classes, and educational programs.

There are societies for bonsai, epiphyllum, plumeria, fern, palm, geraniums, herbs, arthropod, beekeeping, camellia, dahlia, Masters Gardner’s rose, shell, tropical fish, turtle, ikebana, rare fruit growers, California native plants. etc.

So if champs have an interest in a particular horticultural area, more than likely they will find a local society related to those plants.  (Reference:  website –   sdbgf.org  member societies.  I know there are societies in Newport Beach, Saddleback, Palos Verdes, etc.)

“Also, our junior college offers a number of adult ed classes from ceramics, watercolor, computer classes, etc.”

                                       And the two men  

1 Joel, responding to last week’s eNewsletter: “Get a dog…” LOL!  I’ve heard this more times than I can count and bless your heart if that companionship makes you happy. I observe many people give up on human love because it’s difficult. You have to compromise. Some turn to grandchildren, some to pets. Fine.  However, please remember to mention the latest cute thing your “love” did once, and only once, in conversation lest you become a tedious, tiresome bore.”

And speaking of dogs, remember last week the picture of the liter of Labs with Reggie the chocolate Lab on the left. Well, Tracy and Hawk picked him up in Phoenix and brought him to his new home in California.

   Reggie is getting used to his new surroundings

2 And this next email, surprised me, in a pleasant and positive way. Kevin, Publisher, Mature Focus newspaper, emailed, “I just wanted to let you know that your comment about you not writing in any Iowa papers isn’t exactly true. I run your column in our paper, Mature Focus. We are located in Eastern Iowa and Western Illinois. It’s very likely that Marcey read your column in our publication while in Iowa.”

Kevin is right, I do write for them. Mature Focus is a mighty fine publication. Laid out beautifully, interesting articles, nice color scheme. Kevin’s column is on page 4, my column is on page 40. Check it out.

Mature Focus website