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Is Sarasota a mecca for senior single men?

Senior date idea – Disneyland in February

by Columnist Tom Blake

February 12, 2021

Senior date idea – Disneyland in February

I’ve been to Disneyland twice in my life. I recall the first visit vividly, June 21, 1964, not because of the intrigue of the Magic Kingdom, but because while waiting in line there, I heard that Philadelphia Phillies’ pitcher Jim Bunning had pitched a no-hitter, perfect game, against the New York Mets.

Why do I remember that? I was a Detroit Tigers fan and Bunning had been a Tigers pitcher, where he also had pitched a no-hitter, and I was upset when he got traded away.

The second time was about 15 years ago when my partner Greta and I took her grandchildren for a fun day there.

Greta and I decided to go to Disneyland on February 4. You might be thinking, “Tom and Greta must not have realized that Disneyland was closed due to the pandemic.” Oh, we knew it was closed, which is why we went. Disneyland is the primary COVID-19 vaccination site in Orange County, California.

Where we live in Orange County, the nation’s fourth-largest county with more than three million people, the primary way to schedule a vaccination appointment is the website Othena.com. Greta and I had been on that site for five weeks trying to schedule an appointment. It was frustrating being put in a “waiting room,” as the site described it, without being able to get an appointment, but when you consider 610,000 people are registered on that site, also awaiting an appointment, the delay was understandable.

On Tuesday, February 2, we were each notified by email that it was time to book our appointments. We were able to both get the same day, time and location. It was Disneyland, for the Pfizer vaccine. We were told to bring a photo i.d. and a printed copy of our appointment confirmations.

People who go without appointments will be turned away.

Our appointment was for 9:30 on Thursday the 4th; we arrived at the main entrance to the enormous parking lot on Katella Avenue in Anaheim and were parked by 8:30 a.m. The people directing traffic were very helpful and friendly. Reminders to wear masks were everywhere.

In our eagerness to get in line, I did not write down the row where we parked. I just eye-balled our location among the hundreds of cars parked there and thought “No sweat. I know where it is.”

We were directed to get into the 9:30 a.m. line. Crashing an earlier line than one’s scheduled appointment isn’t allowed. Hence, arriving early, won’t get a person vaccinated earlier.

There was one woman ahead of us. It was cold and slightly windy. I was wearing a winter jacket. Greta had only a shawl over her blouse. It was cold for her; I opened my winter coat, hugging her and wrapping the coat around her to warm her up. I saw many men in teeshirts, shorts, and flip-flops with no socks. They had to be uncomfortably cold.

We watched as 100+ people in the 8:45 a.m. line advanced to the vaccination tents. And then the same for the 9:00 and 9:15 lines. As each line cleared, people waiting in the remaining lines cheered.

Those receiving their first dose were directed to one check-in tent; people receiving their second dose were directed to another tent. The sun had come out so now we were a bit warm. When people arrive in the early morning at Disneyland, they’d be wise to dress as if they’re going skiing by layering their clothes.

We passed through three check-in stations, showing our picture i.d and appointment documents each time. A fourth station was where we received our shots and a vaccination record card that also listed a February 25 appointment for our second dose.

One of the many tents at the Disneyland Covid-19 vaccination site

Before receiving the shot, everybody was questioned about the medications they’re taking. If any meds might possibly interact with the vaccine, those people were interviewed in yet another tent by a doctor to receive approval.

Greta and I felt the shot hurt less than a flu shot. After receiving it, we were required to sit for 15 minutes under a tent to ensure we had no adverse reactions.

While there, we discovered that Greta’s driver’s license (photo i.d.) was missing. Couldn’t find it anywhere in her pockets or purse. We mentioned that to a staff member and before we knew it, Mike Lyster, the Chief Communications Officer from the Anaheim City Manager’s office–who was helping out that day–was summoned and helped us retrace our steps. He was awesome.

After a frantic search, a triple-check of Greta’s purse revealed that her driver’s license had slipped behind another card. We embarrassingly revealed that to Mike.

He smiled and said, “You’d be amazed how often that happens. People show their paperwork so many times it’s easy to misplace something small such as a driver’s license.”

We made our way back to the car. Of course, it was hard to find because I hadn’t written down where we parked. I kept making excuses to Greta like, “My car usually has my Stand Up Paddle Board on top so it’s easy to see. But I removed it this morning before driving here.”

Our first-dose experience was positive. The people working there were incredible. We thanked them often. Hopefully, all Champs will do the same with all of the medical and service personnel who are putting themselves at risk to help us get through the pandemic.

Other than sore arms the following day, neither of us had any side effects.

Although we didn’t see Mickey or Minnie Mouse, and our outing wasn’t exactly a celebration of Valentine’s month, it had been pleasant to be there. Hopefully, by summertime, those two Disney characters will be walking the streets of Disneyland, greeting customers.

###

In Dana Point, where we live, there is a house on the Street of Blue Lantern (many Dana Point Streets are called Lanterns) that is decorated by its owners for every special holiday. Valentine’s Day is no exception.

Festive House on Blue Lantern in Dana Point, California

Have a good Valentine’s Day.

Senior love in the U.P. of Michigan

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – February 5, 2021

by columnist Thomas P Blake

Senior love in the U.P. of Michigan -Follow your heart but take your brain with you

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I hoped I’d be able to share with you a senior feel-good, finding-love story. Lo and behold, an email arrived describing Champ Cheryl’s relationship with Matt. This is a different Cheryl than the one we spoke about last week.

What stands out is how they intelligently approached their 600-mile long-distance relationship. Cheryl and Matt met online, moved slowly, decided to live together in his home, faced obstacles with his daughter, and eventually moved to Cheryl’s home. They talked things over, realized they weren’t perfect, and yet, made the relationship work. I think Champs will benefit from their story.

I edited Cheryl’s email for length and clarity.

She wrote, “Matt and I are blessed to have found love in our 70s. However, we do take some credit for our success and don’t believe it was just luck. We were honest when we wrote our profiles and answered hundreds of questions on OK Cupid, and we were honest with each other in our communications from the onset.

“Our ‘deal-breakers’ were issues of substance, not less-important things like food preferences or favorite color! We were cognizant that at our age we were set in our ways to some extent, and we were willing to accept that–in each other–and make adjustments and compromises.

“Matt says we each have ‘perfect imperfections!’ We were also willing to travel more than 25 miles to find a loving partner, and when we found each other, both were willing to relocate to where the other one lived.

“We didn’t make a hasty commitment, but when we did commit, we felt confident that we were doing the right thing. We both recognized that we were lonely living alone and we wanted to be in a committed, live-in relationship, so we were dedicated to making it work.

“Some seniors—widowed, never married or divorced–have decided they prefer living alone to living together, and perhaps they don’t realize that until they venture into dating again. Possibly that is why they decide a relationship isn’t working for certain reasons.

“Honesty from the outset is crucial. Relationships at any age are challenging, but at least we seniors have the advantage of knowing ourselves well and understanding the futility of ‘playing games’ in relationships! Sometimes people are blindsided by revelations by partners that were not initially revealed.

“Matt’s house in the Upper Penisula of Michigan is 600 miles from where I was living in Ohio. In April 2016, I spent a week with Matt in the U.P. getting to know him in person and getting to know my potentially new location, which I liked.

It’s cold in the Upper Penisula of Michigan
(Photo by Debbe Daniels)

One regret I have is that I did not meet his daughter. I’m not sure if meeting her would have changed our plans, but in hindsight, meeting her should have happened. I’ll explain later.

“In July 2016, Matt came to Ohio and spent two weeks meeting my family and friends and doing some sight-seeing. By that time we had decided to make a ‘rest-of-the-journey commitment to each other and I had decided to move to the U.P.

“In September 2016, I moved to Michigan to be with Matt. I had made assumptions about his relationship with his daughter (his only child) that proved not to be true, and he assumed she would accept me as his partner. Since his daughter lives in the same town, we expected to share family time with her and her fiance’ and likely grandchildren for Matt eventually. (Matt found out via email from his son-in-law that they were already married!)

As a result of her resistance to my involvement in Matt’s life and her subsequent total estrangement from him for 2 1/2 years, we are now moving back (for me) to Ohio, which Matt is willing to do. He realizes how much I miss having family interaction, especially at holiday times.

“Matt has made it clear to his daughter that he is not ‘giving me up,’ and she will not dictate to him how to live his life. I know some seniors have had issues in relationships where a person feels forced to choose between a partner and a child and chooses the child.

“It’s a choice no one should be forced to make, and sadly Matt’s daughter has put him into this position. Fortunately, he chose the path that he knew would make him and me happy (remaining committed to me and our relationship)–a path he has every right to follow.

“One benefit of pursuing a relationship at our age (70s) is that we know ourselves well enough to recognize what we need and want based on our emotions and practical objective considerations. We are not as likely to simply get ‘swept off our feet’ and make a decision prematurely or based solely on emotion.

“The benefits of living in our 60s, 70s, and 80s give us a better chance of achieving a happy, successful relationship than when we were younger and knew ourselves less well. It’s always important, as someone once said, to “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.” This applies to any age, but I think we are more likely to do that in our senior years!”

Cheryl’s comments summarize how to wisely approach a new relationship in our later years. What a nice story for the month of Valentine’s Day.

I’m aware Valentine’s Day is a week away, but it’s the month of Valentine’s Day +

Where to meet senior men in 2021

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – January 15, 2021

by Tom Blake

Where to meet senior men in 2021

Annette, 60, contacted me. She wrote: “I moved to Dana Point (California) three months ago. I am independent, work from home, attend church, and like to walk and bike ride. I want to meet a husband.

“I am a youthful lady and usually date younger men. Do you have any recommendations on where to meet a decent man?”

My response: I know of no place where men 60+ hang out, hoping to meet single women close to their age. Places like that simply don’t exist—in Dana Point, San Clemente, New York City, or Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania (where one of our Champs lives).

Because I’ve answered that question or similar questions 500 times or more in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50, normally I would give you my usual quick answer:

“Get off the couch and out of the house. Pursue the activities you enjoy. Meet new people. Be assertive.”

But times are drastically different in 2021. The pandemic has changed how we live and date. We are encouraged to stay home. We are told not to mingle with people. Restaurants and bars are closed. Social events are canceled. We wear masks. Where to meet single men, let alone decent single men, is not an easy question to answer during the pandemic.

Plus, Annette, with you working at home, it makes meeting people more challenging in that you aren’t out and about as much compared to if you were working away from home.

Where to meet senior men in 2021? This quickly brings us to Internet dating, which could become your primary tool during the pandemic. Why? It’s Covid-19 safe, as long as you stay home. The web allows people to cast their nets beyond where they live, dramatically increasing their chances of meeting a potential mate.

On face-to-face dates, you would likely be wearing a mask (or should be). You don’t know if a person has facial hair, bad teeth, a lip tattoo, or some other feature that might not appeal to you. Whereas, with Internet dating, you can see a person’s face without a mask when doing Zoom, face time, or Skype.

I recommend limiting your search to people living within 25 miles or so. Long-distance relationships are particularly challenging, especially with the pandemic in full force and seniors don’t want to be driving far these days (If at all).

There are multiple dating websites seniors can use. Free ones–such as Plenty of Fish (POF) and OkCupid (owned by Match.com)—to subscription-based, such as Ourtime, Match, Silversingles, and eharmony. The latter sites cost approximately $30 per month per site but the cost varies by site. It’s up to each person to decide if she uses just one site at a time, or two or more. Of course, the monthly cost will increase for each site in use.

Paid sites usually offer better service and results when compared to free sites, although I’ve heard from many singles who’ve met mates on POF.

On January 12, a program on GMA said Instagram is a good place to find single men. But the program didn’t specify it that applied to seniors. The key: post your presence in as many places as possible, while keeping an eye on the costs.

Cardinal rule: Never give or send money to a stranger.

Beware of the dangers in Internet dating. You have to be very careful and smart. There are scammers on every site. Internet dating scams are numerous and everywhere. Be careful with what you reveal about yourself.

Only meet strangers in a public place and tell a friend where and with whom you are meeting. Even have the friend observing from nearby to ensure you are safe.

Trust your instincts. If your gut says something is not right about a person you’re communicating with, take heed and stop that contact.

Annette, I think you should do as you are starting to do: try to meet as many people as possible around Dana Point–not just men. Women friends are important as well. When you are walking or biking, wear a ballcap with something catchy on the brim, these can be conversation starters.

And when you see a guy with a conversation starter on the brim of his hat, comment to him about it.

Champ Patrick Hynes says, “I now alternate between my Aussie Kangaroo cap and my University of Oregon Duck cap. I will report which one is the most successful.”

Also, have personal cards, similar to business cards, made. Carry them with you at all times. On the cards, Include a recent flattering picture of yourself, your first name, and your email address only. I suggest withholding your last name until you get to know the person to whom you handed a card. Do not include your telephone number or street address; you can divulge this information later when you feel confident about the man.

The reason for the cards? Make it easy for a man to contact you. No searching for a pen and piece of paper to write your email address down. Just hand him a card.

So, where to meet a decent man?

Anywhere and everywhere: In line at the post office, in the produce section or wine section of a store, waiting for your car to be washed, Costco, on and on. Be assertive (not aggressive). You might have to initiate a conversation with a man.

Some senior women won’t do that. But, it could be a missed opportunity.

Sign up for my free “On Life and Love after 50” eNewsletter, published each Friday with nuggets and stories about senior dating. I have approximately 2,000 subscribers from across the USA, Canada, and many foreign countries. About 15 percent of them are from Southern California. You can sign up on the website you are on right now to receive the eNewsletter.

Suggested places to make new friends: church, which you attend, is a good start. Visit Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, corner of PCH & Blue Lantern. I opened that deli in 1988, sold it in 2015. If you go there, introduce yourself to Debbie, Rosa, or Samantha, who is the new owner. Tell them I sent you in. They know a lot of people. The deli is doing take-out during the pandemic.

Don’t forget the old standard: Networking. Tell your friends, acquaintances, and family you’d like to meet a “nice, decent man.” They may know of a new widower who lives two blocks away who is lonely and would love a woman pal with whom to chat.

When the pandemic eases, I will resume the age-60 plus Meet and Greet evenings once a month at the deli. Sometimes 50-100 attend. A few couples have met at those gatherings.

Times will get better and when they do, you’ll already be on your way to making new friends and meeting that decent guy. Husband material? I can’t guarantee that.

So, where can you meet a man? Anywhere and everywhere. Work on it, one day at a time.

Harder now? Certainly. Impossible now? No, but more challenging than in normal times.

http://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore

Importance of Compatibility in Senior Relationships

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – December 11, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

(There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter)

Part One – Importance of compatibility in senior relationships

Marie, a dedicated Champ, emailed this week. This was the 10^th time in eight years she’s chimed in. How do I know that? It’s the incredible archive system that gmail.com provides.

She posed a question that initially seemed like it’d be easy to answer, but the more I thought about it, the trickier it became.

Marie wrote, “Compatibility seems to be the keyword when talking about relationships. Is compatibility or should compatibility be the basic foundation when meeting someone? So many people are involved in compatible relationships but passion and emotion are missing.

“Why am I so confused about this stuff at 68? I’m divorced. I need clarity on this.”

And soon after Marie wrote, our newest Champ, Kay, emailed, “I just came across your site and find it very interesting.

“I am far beyond 50, however, I am in excellent health and am full of energy, and have a good sense of humor! I am blessed that my dad taught me about cars, guns, and sports.

“This enables me to get along with men as we have much in common (i.e., compatible). I am divorced and thought I found this great guy, but we just broke up due to his temper!

“Meeting men online is nearly impossible as it is mostly fantasy….not real!

“I would love to have a special man in my life. I have no family, so I would like to meet someone, however, there is no place to meet anyone!”

I responded to Kay and asked her to tell me a bit more about her experience with the “temper-tantrum” man

She said, “This man has good qualities but he goes from zero to 500 over nothing. The last time he was driving and was squealing tires and jerking the wheel and taking curves dangerously.

“Should he have a wreck and I am injured, I have no family to help me…if I get upset I get quiet for a moment but he has other characteristics that are embarrassing and unnecessary! I love his sisters and one son but I just can not do that!

“I turned 75 on Veterans Day! Fortunately, I am on natural things and no meds and am energetic and have a sense of humor, and am a firecracker!

“People guess me to be younger but it’s all about how a person feels! I do volunteer work at a military base and PBS station and help the Legion for the Veterans and try to help my friends when I can. But oh, to find love again! I just would love someone in my life!

“It has been challenging as the driving incident described above happened on my birthday and I would never ruin anyone’s birthday!”

Since I was contemplating the topic of compatibility, I responded by asking whether she felt compatibility is important in a relationship. And, I mentioned that we shared the same birthday: November 11.

Kay replied, “I believe it’s important. Couples can have some interests that are different…but, I find life calm and peaceful and yet exhilarating when two people enjoy similar things and both love the same way.

“I enjoy a connected feeling! I believe it is important to view things similarly as well. To respond to things similarly. However, perhaps the man is not as “romantic” but I write journals of thoughts and feelings and if I want to put a note by his plate I would like him to appreciate it as an expression of my love even if he never does.”

I also received an email from a friend, also named Tom, Orange County, California, whom I’ve known for six years. His situation is a perfect picture of how essential compatibility is in a relationship.

Tom shared, “I met Linda online—Our Time—and clicked on the first wine meetup. We’ve been dating exclusively since June 2019.

“I became a widower in 2005 and she was widowed in 2015. But the most favorable factor is we’re 5.2 miles apart on one primary street in South Orange County, so no rush-hour community snarls. She is originally from Michigan and now lives in Orange County.

“Widows and widowers, if they can get over their loss, are positive knowing someone already has—and a new person can—rekindle their love of life. They are not trying to duplicate the past, but know the traits that excite them and embrace reality.

“Online dating is harder for widowed people since other people can say words that inspire confidence, but face-to-face meetings, trips, and other experiences are necessary to allow daters to decide if they are open and can adapt to a new and different person.”

“Linda was an interior design shop manager, and now does life coaching. After our third date, she invited me and flew me to her friend’s wedding in Sicily for a week in the fall of 2019.

“We were able to get in 2020 trips to Palm Springs and San Luis Obispo before the pandemic. She’s a fantastic cook, and I’m a diligent cleaner-upper so we work together after a meal and then enjoy Netflix or a TV sporting event.

Linda and Tom – together since June 2019 – living 5 miles away

“Compatibility is very important. I don’t think ‘opposites attract’ is worth the time to make it a success. The willingness to work together shows mutual caring for each other. Example: Linda found gardening to be enjoyable working with me. Be a Giver more than a Taker, and you will win in the long run.

“We are considering living together, but still in the early talking phase, as we weigh options. Why both pay mortgage, utility bills, etc?

“If I’m away from her for a few days even with daily phone calls, then I am anxious to see her.”

To answer Marie’s initial question, I say compatibility is imperative. But, other qualities need to be present as well—physical attraction, caring, kindness, and love. Each so critical.

I would enjoy hearing compatibility comments from other Champs.

Part Two – Avoid COVID-19 Scams

As always happens these days when people are vulnerable, scammers try to take advantage of them. Two scams have popped up lately.

Scam One: Puppy Scams

CBS News Los Angeles announced yesterday that with people being lonely during the pandemic, online puppy scams are skyrocketing (up 500% this year). Apparently, the scammers are saying to people that due to social distancing, people can’t see the animal in person before sending money. The article said: “Scammers almost always request funds through Moneygram, Western Union, prepaid debit cares, through the Zelle app, with bitcoin or other methods that make it hard to recover money.” Kittens, exotic birds, and horses are also being used to scam.

A good place to get a puppy is at a local animal shelter. However, during the pandemic, puppies are in high demand. The type of puppy you want may not be available.

Scam Two: Vaccination scams are emerging. Do not pay money to sign up for a vaccine shot or have your name put on a waiting list.

Do not reveal your bank information and NEVER give out your Social Security Number. We will all be informed about the vaccination details in due time. Do not respond to phone calls, emails, text messages, or even someone knocking on your door with vaccine promises and misinformation.

Senior dating: Qualities wanted in a Mate

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 6, 2020

Thomas P Blake author and columnist

Senior dating: Qualities Wanted in a Potential Mate

In 2003, I published a book titled “Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do.” One chapter was devoted exclusively to the importance for middle-age singles to make a written list of the qualities-wanted in a potential mate.

The purpose of the list was simple: to help singles avoid becoming involved with a person “not right” for them, which could waste time, energy, emotions, and even money–the topic Freddy Fender sang about in his 1974 song, “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.”

In the book, I advised keeping the list simple, 10 items or less, in order of importance. Plus, I stressed that the list should simply be a flexible guide and not a rigid qualifying tool.

Keep the Qualities-wanted list simple

There were no right or wrong lists—everybody is different—but I did suggest some examples of what qualities a middle-aged woman might want a man to have:

He:

makes me his top priority

has a positive attitude and sense of humor

is carefree and relaxes. Has no drama

gives me “my space” and respects me

is attractive; I feel chemistry and warmth towards him

is financially comfortable

There were two cardinal rules to list-making. First, follow the Golden Rule. What a person wanted from a mate, he or she must also give in return. Love is a two-way street.

Second, I strongly warned to never pull the list out to look at while on a date. Can you imagine someone placing his or her list on the table and saying to a date, “You’re a little weak on item number six?”

Comparing the above 2003 book chapter to present-day senior dating

In recent discussions with single, senior men, the men have brought up qualities-wanted in potential mates. I wondered if the qualities they seek now are different when compared to 17-years-ago.

Champ Wayne mentioned that one quality on some lists this year wasn’t much of a factor 17-years-ago. He said this quality quickly eliminates about 50 percent of potential mates for both women and men. The quality? To which political party does the other person belong?

Wayne met a woman online who listed a plethora of things she likes to do—hiking, dancing, being active, going to concerts, etc. But, then she listed, rather emphatically, a potential mate had to be of the same political party as she—no exceptions.

So, Wayne thinks political-party preference might be the top item on many singles’ lists in this presidential-election year.

Champ Larry, a widower, in his 70s, talked about his list of qualities wanted. He asked if he was wrong by placing chemistry and physical attraction at the top of his list.

That was interesting because 17-years-ago, people said to me that chemistry was about number five on their lists (I often wondered if they were being honest, embarrassed to admit they ranked physical attraction much higher).

I suggested to Larry that he wasn’t wrong, as long as he was honest about it with the single women he was meeting.

There were two unacceptable qualities that Wayne and Larry mentioned. Neither wants to remarry nor date women whose children or grandchildren were living with them.

Oh my, does that mean senior singles need two lists? One for qualities-wanted and one for unacceptable qualities?

The question becomes, will senior singles take the time to make two written lists? Probably not. Just making one list is even a stretch.

However, it’s sure important that they know what qualities they want and don’t want, whether they write them down or not.

The objective of making lists might be even more important now that we are 17-years older. We want to avoid wasted days and nights as our friend Freddy Fender sang about—because we’ve got less time to waste!

What’s on your list?

Link to Freddy Fender’s song, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights:

Five Songs

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 30, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

Five Songs

One of the offshoots of the pandemic is that Champs are tapping into their personal reservoirs of creativity.

Several Champs have mentioned they are working on creative projects. Perhaps it’s because they have more free time than usual. Or, they are reflecting on their lives and what’s really important to them. It’s interesting that several men are working on writing projects such as autobiographies, blogs, or books. Women are painting, gardening, and exercising more.

Patrick Hynes, a native of Australia, is writing a postcard blog that he emails to his friends. It’s titled, “Patrick’s Brief Encounters…Snippets of my life in America.” Working as the Public Relations Director for the Anaheim Hilton Hotel years ago, he met many famous people. Each weekly postcard contains a photo and about 150 concise words. Patrick’s first postcard was about meeting Muhammad Ali. Here’s the photo of him and Ali:

Patrick’s first postcard (July 20, 2020) photo (courtesy of Patrick Hynes)

Other postcards have featured President Reagan, Madonna, Buzz Aldrin, Joe Dimaggio, Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsch, Sean Connery (James Bond), and Kobe Bryant.

Champ Pam Peters, San Diego, has created more than 100 paintings during the pandemic. She has created boxes of gift cards that feature her paintings. (By the way, Pam happens to be my sister; she’s the creative one in the family). Here’s one of the 100 she’s created during this pandemic.

Come for dinner – Shrimp Provencal

Champ Sandy, Sonoma County, California, also paints, “I have been painting more and creating cards from it…just a lot of fun. I’ve been dormant on writing but have started writing in my head again..and I can feel it about to jump out.”

Champ Rick O. is writing about his career as a former professional baseball player. His writing project is temporarily on hold while dealing with several serious family-health issues, which, understandably, take a higher priority than the writing.

Champ Teresa has been creative in a different way, one that has taken time and patience but is changing her life. In the August 21 eNewsletter, I wrote about refinancing my home. Teresa capitalized on the information. How so?

This week, she emailed, ‘Wanted to thank you for the referral to your broker Vanessa Schwartz. My refinance/loan closes Tuesday, a day after my 64th birthday. Yea! I am really jazzed as my monthly payment will be about $300 less than before, allowing me to stay in my home for a few more years after I retire at 70, probably (Italics by Tom). My neighbor refinanced with Vanessa as well. We are both grateful for this opportunity to lower our interest rate and payment.

“I’m doing a little ‘happy dance’ right now, in honor of your willingness to help a stranger.”

In a coincidence, Teresa and I (and Patrick Hynes) worked for the Victoria Station restaurant chain, eons ago, but we didn’t know each other.

I’ve been friends with Rick Lenz for merely 65 years—we were classmates at Jackson High School, in Jackson, Michigan in the 1950s. Rick is a retired successful actor (played opposite Ingrid Bergman, John Wayne, Lauren Bacall, Walter Matthau, and Peter Sellers among others). He has written several books, including his latest novel, which will be published early next year.

Here is my favorite piece of art that Rick has created. This painting hangs on my wall.

Old Friend by Rick Lenz

Check out this creative man at http://www.ricklenz.com (Lots of wonderful art like this)

Another high school classmate is Carmen (Carm to me), who lives in Barra de Navidad, Mexico. Carm was featured in our May 29 eNewsletter which is posted on the FindingLoveAfter50.com website. Carm is writing an autobiography. He and Patrick Hynes often send me rough drafts of their work for my comments.

Last Friday, Carm sent a draft of Chapter 10, titled, “My Life with Karen.” Carm was a friend of Karen and her husband Charlie, and when Charlie died, Carm spent time ensuring she was doing okay. The relationship grew and they had five special years together before she passed away on August 1, 2019.

As I was perusing Carm’s Chapter 10, I noticed he included a cluster of four pictures of Karen and him. The caption under the photos reads:

Loving her was easier than anything I’ll ever do again. –-Kris Kristofferson

That caption blew me away. You’ll see why in a minute.

During Greta’s and my 23 years together, I’ve occasionally mentioned to her that when I pass away, I don’t want a funeral. An upbeat, fun, small, positive, memory-celebration is ok, but only if five songs that express how I’ve felt about her, are played on a video for the people attending. I wrote down the titles of the five songs on an old, tattered, envelope for her to keep in her files.

Three weeks ago, Greta left that envelope on my desk with a written request to put those songs into a word document, so she could access them on her computer desktop (I don’t know why she made that request, perhaps Greta knows something I don’t know!).

Here are Tom’s five songs (and the links to each)

1) Loving her was easier than anything I will ever do again (written and sung by Kris Kristofferson)

Note from Tom: That’s the same song Carm used in the caption under Karen’s pictures. That’s why I was blown away. I found it hard to believe that a guy I’ve known for 65 years and I picked the same song to honor our partners.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCgnbRWVvU8

2) If Tomorrow Never Comes (written by Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy, sung by Garth Brooks)

3) Sunday Morning Coming Down (written by Kris K, sung by Johnny Cash)

4) Dreaming My Dreams (written by Allen Reynolds, sung by Waylon Jennings)

5) Dry Your Eyes (co-written and sung by Neil Diamond)

Note from Tom: This Neil Diamond video I took on my phone at one of Neil Diamond’s last concerts, August 2017, at the Forum in Los Angeles. It’s not a perfect video as I didn’t zoom in until later in the video. But the sound is terrific. Note the trumpet player solo near the end. He is spectacular. It’s nearly impossible to find videos of Diamond performing this song–he rarely played it in concerts. It was originally written honoring Martin Luther King after he was assassinated.

Do you have a song that has special meaning to you or to a loved one? Are you working on a creative project? If so, please share it with us and tell us why it’s special.

Are these pandemic online dating sites for real?

By Columnist Tom P Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 9, 2020

Pandemic Online dating sites and new terminology

Not long after COVID-19 arrived, emails started arriving in my inbox promoting pandemic-related dating information. New online dating sites, new dating terms, and endless offers of interviews with dating and relationship experts became the “new norm.”

On July 15, I started saving those emails in a file, thinking it would be fun someday to share some of their unusual content. I decided this was the week to do that and selected 13 of those emails.

While reading the list of 13 items, please keep in mind three things:

(1) Most emails didn’t disclose the age groups they are targeting. From the content, I’m guessing most are for people ages 20 to 50.

(2) I understand companies trying to make a living during this pandemic, but wow, some were grasping at straws. The quotation marks are theirs.

(3) I am not recommending any of these sites, just sharing info they sent.

Here are the 13 sites I singled out:

Cobble

“Life for couples is about to get a lot easier, and a lot more exciting, with the release of Cobble, a new decision-making app to answer the age-old question ‘What are we doing tonight?’

“Couples independently swipe (right for yes, left for no) on our curated date night content. When both people in a relationship swipe right, it’s a match! Then we make it easy to follow through: make reservations, buy tickets, order in, chat, and more. Since we launched 10 days ago, there have been over 60K swipes!

“Cobble is…sexy. If ever there was a time to explore your partner’s desires, it’s now. From curious to kink, Cobble can help couples keep the spice in the relationship when they match on tips, tricks, toys, positions…”

Pokerface

“COVID-19 created a surge in online dating and video dates over the past few months, but the process is still the same. People make profiles, find a few non-embarrassing photos, and then endlessly swipe away, hoping for a match. But what if there was a better way to find the one?

“Pokerface is a social gambling/poker app that features live video chat during games, has a new feature that is revamping how singles find love.

Say Allo

“This week Say Allo, the ‘smart’ dating app announces the launch of live, virtual speed dating to better serve singles while ‘dating during quarantine.’ After seeing a 350% increase in video dates sessions across its nearly 100,000 users throughout the US and Canada, this innovative feature offers users a smarter solution to video dating. Say Allo will be hosting its first ‘live’ video speed dating event…”

Situationships

“We know all about ‘booty calls,’ ‘friends with benefits’ and ‘it’s complicated,’ but situationships seem to be the new norm in the time of dating exploration, casualty and noncommittal relationships. Situationships are like playing house in a romantic relationship, but without any real consistency, dependency or reliability.”

Quarantine Breakup(s) (a new dating breakup term)

“Relationship experts are reporting they are seeing an increase in relationship breakups AKA Quarantine Breakups; a prime example is the never-ending list of recent celebrity splits.

Tom’s comment: Oh my, another new dating term! Like breadcrumbing, ghosting, LAT, now it’s Quarantine Breakups (QB for short). Here’s how QB might be used in context: “I was in a LAT, got ghosted, and now it’s a QB.”

Whistle Out

“Niche dating apps, which are designed to make matches between people who share a specific interest or experience have completely taken off this year, with more than 1,500 new dating sites across the US.

“Check out the report of each state’s favorite niche dating app in 2020 on whistleout.com.”

20 dating

“20 dating is the brand new, world-first Extreme Age Gap dating site where singles are only paired with people with a 20-year-or-more age gap. ‘Members cannot even see / message/search anyone within 20 years,’ says David Minns, the serial dating entrepreneur who created other niche sites such as Dinky One, Butterfly, and Lisa 50.”

Tom’s comment: Ah, possibly a site for seniors. A woman, age 80, told me she’d like to meet a mature man. She could join this site and have at her finger tips a list of 100-year-old men looking for younger women.

Vinylly

“Can your music playlist lead to love? A new dating app is using music compatibility to make a match – and the idea is booming during the pandemic.

“Vinylly pairs potential matches based on their music streaming data and music tastes. And, with the pandemic, Vinylly has partnered with an entertainment company to provide Livestream concerts for virtual dates.”

Tom’s comment: I love country music; Greta loves classical. Does that mean we aren’t a match? Heck no. we compromise by enjoying together Dutch violinist Andre Rieu, who plays a 1667 Stradivarius violin.

Loosid

“A free sober social networking app allows users to find and match with members who have similar interests and passions and has seen a 620% uptick in dating messages amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

“A new report found that Loosid is the most popular niche dating app for California for 2020, responsible for hundreds of thousands sober dating interactions. The app goes a step further and offers boozeless guides for restaurants that offer mocktails, since dining out is all about the experience, for many millennials and young adults.

What’s Your Price (another dating site)

“While the Coronavirus put a short hold on dating, it’s back and WhatsYourPrice released video chatting and an improved messaging platform to help singles continue their quest for love. Members virtual date, getting to know each other before ever meeting in person, saving both time and effort on a dating site unlike any other.”

Everydaycarryon (long-distance dating)

“Love in the time of Corona… Survey finds the average American single would travel for 2.4 hours to go on a date, thanks to the pandemic.

“Now that we can’t go out as much locally, we’ve had to meet new people online; and that might mean that they don’t live that close to us. So, just how far would we be willing to travel in the name of love nowadays?”

Qikie

“Welcome to Qikie, a hookup platform dedicated to creating an inclusive space for people of all genders, especially women, to have a good time. Qikie is here to help everyone embrace their sexuality, find community, and have fun without judgment. We stand for acceptance, open-mindedness, diversity, and inclusivity.”

The Senior List

“How has the coronavirus impacted the marriages and domestic partnerships of older adults 55+? TheSeniorList has answers in its latest report: “Senior Marital and Domestic Partner Relationships During COVID.”

“This is not the first storm seniors and their relationships have had to weather,” says Amie Clark, co-founder and senior editor of TheSeniorList. “While an unprecedented pandemic is a significant challenge, it is encouraging our older population is meeting it head-on, not surprisingly, with success.”

In summary, these sites appear to appeal to a younger crowd. To survive during the pandemic, they add creativity and imagination – whatever it takes for them to stay in business.

For seniors, face-to-face dating remains dangerous, particularly with strangers. Following the safety guidelines—masks, social distancing, avoiding crowds—remains the wise way to proceed. If you’re out there, be smart.

My, my, how times have changed since this picture was taken, circa 1949, in Jackson, Michigan, I’m in front row, second from left, my brother Bill is directly behind me. Jim Lefere is next to me:

Finally Meeting Willie Nelson (sort of)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 18, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Part One – Finally meeting Wille Nelson (sort of)

Some of you know that I worked with Johnny Cash for two years in the 1970s. One of Johnny’s best buddies was Willie Nelson. And while I met some of Johnny’s buddies, such as Carl Perkins (Blue Suede Shoes),” Larry Gatlin, John Denver, Roger Miller, and Glen Campbell, I never met Willie Nelson.

I promised myself that if I ever meet Willie, I would share with Willie how highly Johnny spoke of him. I’ve tried a few times at Willie’s concerts to meet him but haven’t been successful. Willie’s 87 now, so my chances of meeting him face-to-face, are slim to none, especially during the pandemic.

However, on September 25, I hope to meet “True Willie” at an unusual concert event. Who the heck is “True Willie?” His real name is Roger Hegyi. For years, Roger has fronted a band called “The True Willie Band.” They are considered the most authentic Willie Nelson tribute band in America. Roger’s role is Willie. He lives in nearby Laguna Niguel.

True Willie and the Boys are outstanding. They also perform “The Highwaymen” songs and Kris Kristofferson songs. Greta and I saw them perform four years ago at an outdoor concert at the historical Mission San Juan Capistrano. We were amazed how much Roger looks like and sounds like, the real Willie Nelson.

Link to True Willie website: http://TrueWillie.com

True Willie Band at Willie Nelson sculpture in Austin Texas
Photo courtesy True Willie

On Friday, September 25, the City of Irvine (California), in partnership with the Irvine Barclay Theatre, is hosting a drive-in format concert at the Orange County Great Park. That’s right, people watch a live concert from their cars, as they would watch a drive-in movie. For Champs living in Southern California, who would like to experience this unique event, tickets are on sale at http://www.irvinefestival.org

Tickets are $25 per car. Available tickets are limited. Greta and I bought our ticket on Tuesday.

Why do I think I might meet “True Willie” on that Friday night? Because my Stand Up Paddle Boarding pal, Russell Kerr, is a friend of Roger, aka True Willie. Russell says if I ease up and allow him to paddle faster than I paddle, for even just one day, he “might introduce me to True Willie.” And since I likely won’t meet the real Willie Nelson, Roger would be the perfect anecdote to my having the never-met-Willie-Nelson issue.

Tom’s note: (I’m only joking about paddling faster than Russell. We usually paddle at the same speed, but, when Russell wants to turn on the after-burners, he can leave me far behind in his wake.)

A drive-in “live” concert sounds like a fun option during this restricted time when most concerts are canceled. Greta and I will be packing a picnic lunch and heading for the Great Park. I’ll report on the concert and experience in early October.

Updated note from Tom: Greta and I did go to the concert last night. It was awesome. Details next week. And yes, I did meet True Willie, albeit briefly. I gave him an autographed copy of my book “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” which features Johnny Cash and me on the cover.

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore

Part 2 Positive news from Champ Ken

Champ Ken wrote, “Add to the challenges of dating during the pandemic, from your article last week, these thoughts: ‘Those of us who have actually HAD the Covid and now are still forced to meet all the rules. Mine was nine weeks ago, like a bad head cold for three days and a mild fever. Antibody test says I had it. I’m 62 and in good health with no other conditions, so I had no real issues.”

Part 3 – Tom was taken to task for not following Covid guidelines

Champ Althea emailed, “I was shocked to see that picture of you standing next to Dave. You were not six feet apart and neither of you wore a mask. Why not? You don’t live with him, you met for lunch, you said you sat four-feet apart–should be six–and wore masks upon arriving and departing. So why not in the photo where you’re standing right next to each other?

“And about Champs ‘dating’ in this COVID-19 year. I ask, why do we need to date? Why do we need to meet strangers now? We can’t touch, hug, kiss, or even stand closer than six feet to a date, and we must meet with masks on, which, in itself is a turnoff.

“I say forget outside dating until 2021, and then see where things are with the virus. Being lonely for companionship is not worth the risk of getting sick or dying, especially for us Champs over 65.

“If you’re lonely, then chat online, talk on the phone – that old-fashioned thing that used to work so well – talk to each other through Skype or on the other video chats, Facebook and even Zoom.

“Most online dating sites seem pointless because you have to pay money to be able to meet people (POF is free, but on that site, there are way too many scammers). Scammers are on all sites. Pay to only be able to chat online or through a video call? Why bother?”

Tom’s response to Althea. You are right with your concerns. We took our masks off for the photo. And we dined outdoors. I don’t agree, however, with waiting to date until 2001. I do say, do it with extreme caution.

Also, I think it was important to get my friend Dave out of the house and just chat. To have him stay at home after 23 years of caring for his wife, where he wasn’t able to make many new friends, could harm him almost as much as the virus. Social interaction for him is important. And social interaction is important for Greta and me, we haven’t been out much either.

So, yes, we stretched the guidelines a bit. But, we were still careful.

Another point, if Dave and I had been wearing masks during the picture, a plethora of women Champs would have said, “By Dave wearing a mask, how do we know what he looks like?” It was a no-win situation.

Part 4 – Senior dating encounter & face-mask suggestion

Champ Linda emailed, “Thanks for a great truthful eNewsletter! I was introduced to a gentleman last week by a friend and we all wore masks. It was a brief encounter, at a grocery store, but hopefully, I’ll see him again. Maybe we’ll recognize each other by our voices.

“I wore a small straw hat with a band I had put on, so the hat should be one-of-a-kind. I could wear it whenever I go shopping there.

“Also, we could start a new fad by having masks made that look like us, or maybe Julia Roberts?

“Or, wear a name tag with our picture and first name? I hope you get other suggestions too.”

Part 5 – Breadcrumb dating on the rise during the pandemic?

I received an email this week that stated, “Have you ever been on an amazing first date, just to have the person fall off the face of the earth only to reappear months later as if nothing had happened? That’s breadcrumbing.

“The dating phenomena now referred to as ‘breadcrumbing,’ has spiked due to COVID-19, with more and more singles reporting they’re receiving messages from their on-and-off exes.

“Exes are going back to one another because they are unable to form new bonds due to the lockdown order. The problem here is that these individuals have unhealthy attachment styles and will disappear once they feel that the commitment is becoming too much, leaving the other person heartbroken and confused all over again,” a relationship expert, Tracy Crossley, who claims responsibility for coining the ‘breadcrumbing’ term, stated.

Tom’s comment: I’m uncertain how Ms. Crossley knows that ‘more and more singles’ are being breadcrumbed during the pandemic. It does make sense, however. How about you Champs? Have you been breadcrumed in the last six months? Have any former bread-crumbers (those dirty dogs) tried to enter your life? Let us know.

Joe L Brown widow and widower love story responses

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 31, 2020

by Tom P Blake columnist

Six words. Succinct Responses from Women Champs

Andree, San Clemente, Ca., responded to last week’s eNewsletter about the romance of Paulita and Joe L Brown. What Andree wrote was concise, short, and meaningful:

“Your story gives me hope at 71 years young. I do not want to marry again, once was enough for me. Having a nice partner to do things with would be lovely. I trust in God and if it’s meant to be it will be. I am blessed having many friends, male and female. And I have lifetime friends all over California.”

Responses from three other women to last week’s eNewsletter echo Andree’s words.

Jennifer, “This is a warm and wonderful widow and widower love story and I sure hope it happens to me, too.”

Kathy B., “Thank you for another encouraging and heartwarming story of senior love. During this time of sometimes complete isolation, the glimmer of hope shines through; this is one of those glimmers.”

Reni, “That’s a story that warmed my heart; I wish I could find a love like that after my husband, the light of my life, passed four and a half years ago. Thanks for sharing and giving hope.”

In my opinion, the sentences the above four women shared can be culled down to six words, which are listed below, with my comments under each word.

1 Hope

Hope is something we all need. Hope is positive. It provides us with a warm glow and gives us a purpose for which to live. It’s a feeling that reminds us that everything’s going to be all right.

2 Age

At age 71, Andree is, indeed young. Lots of great things can happen in her life. I think of my mom, who was widowed at age 55 and then lived 43 years on her own. She kept her mind and body active. She loved her life and made the best of it, where she lived in an adult community called Oakmont, in Santa Rosa, Ca. At 91, she bought a new car. She was an avid reader. She played her last hand of bridge three weeks before she died, four months shy of age 99. So, indeed, Andree is young.

3 Marriage

Whether a person Andree’s age has never married, or been married once, twice, three times or even more, I understand not wanting to marry again.

Greta and I have been together 23 years. We both were married more than once. We didn’t see the need to do that again. For us, our life has been great together. Champs who don’t want to marry again have lots of company within our group of approximately 2,000 members.

However, if older people want to remarry, that’s ok, nothing wrong with that, if it’s right for them.

I have a buddy in Hawaii who just married for the first time at age 72.

4. Companionship

Oh wow, this is “the biggie” among our women Champs. I can’t tell you how many of them say having someone to share things with is their biggest wish.

And it’s the most elusive wish. In 26 years, I’ve quoted hundreds of women who’ve asked “Where are the men?”

At Andree’s age, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately 3.5-to-one. (Plus, some women proclaim that not all men in the dating pool are relationship material!). Hence, a more accurate ratio may be close to four-to-one. Now that’s a challenge. But, that’s where hope comes in. It’s still possible, but getting out and about are essential to helping reduce that ratio. And, of course, now, during the pandemic, that is more difficult.

5. Faith

Many women Champs say they trust in a higher power to bring them a match. Most of them, also add, that they realize they can’t just sit home and expect Mr. Right to appear. They understand, when the virus subsides, they will need to get out and about. Of course, a little help from above would be graciously appreciated.

6. Friends

Staying in touch with friends is particularly important during this time of quarantine. We have written about the damaging effects of loneliness on the health of seniors in previous eNewsletters. According to doctors and research, loneliness can be as deadly as many of the nasty diseases out there. Avoid social isolation.

Reach out by phone (face time) or email or Zoom to see and interact with each other. As we wrote about a month ago, “Don’t let the old man or old woman in!” Take the initiative. Contact those friends. Meet in-person safely with them while ensuring proper distancing. Avoid close-together group gatherings.