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Which online dating site is best for seniors?

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 19, 2021

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Which online dating site is best for seniors?

During the pandemic, most single seniors didn’t interact face-to-face with people, so many of them decided to give online dating a try. Several were frustrated with the experience. Some seniors don’t internet date at all. Connie emailed me about the difficulty she’s had when trying to meet men. She wrote, “I have never been on an online dating site. I prefer the old-fashioned way (of meeting men).”

I assume what Connie’s “old-fashioned way” term means to her is networking through friends and/or going to public places where she might by chance meet a guy.

I’ve often been asked by seniors, “Which online dating site is right for me?”

Take Ellen for example. She wrote: “I am a widow, 66, and recently retired. So, I’m starting a new chapter in my life. When I think of the future and see myself alone for the rest of my life, that makes me feel sad. However, when I look at my life today, I am happy–busy with kids, grandkids, hobbies, and church.

“I tried online dating for a few years. Tried them all: eHarmony, Plenty of Fish (POF), Catholic Match, Senior Dating, and OurTime. I met some nice people, but nothing clicked.“More times than not when I emailed someone, I never got a response. After a while, it just wasn’t worth the work anymore, and Internet dating is a lot of work. I keep my options open, but I figure at this stage I am pretty well done with online looking. But I am certainly open if I meet someone in person.”

I’m not an Internet dating expert. After all, I’ve been with Greta for 24 years and have never been on an Internet dating site. So, how do I advise women like Ellen to find the right dating site?

I turn to an expert dating and relationship coach I’ve known for 20+ years, who is also a Champ. Her name is Christine Baumgartner; she lives in Orange County, California, and calls her business “The Perfect Catch.” She helps clients all over the United States, not just in the OC.

Recently, Christine posted comments on Facebook under the title, “Which Internet dating site is ‘the best’ one?” I felt what Christine wrote was so informative for single senior daters that I chose to share some of her highlights in this week’s eNewsletter.

When Christine is asked by a client which dating site is the best one, her reply is, “This may surprise you, They’re generally all the same.”

But she points out that certain sites have a particular focus such as religious beliefs or sites that cater to a variety of age groups, including sites for seniors.
Christine said, “In reality, the outcome of a person’s online dating experience or your own experience often has more to do with some of the following…

“Your attitude toward yourself, the opposite sex, and dating in general. In particular, many people tend to struggle if they have negative opinions about the opposite sex (due to past dating experiences).”

“Profile content and photos. Many of us are tempted to lie about our age or touch up our pictures.” She stresses that singles should be honest with what they post.

“Persistence. Some people give up quickly when dating doesn’t turn out to be what they were looking for.” Christine recommends people adopt a stick-with-it attitude.

Christine concluded, “I have clients who have met their significant others on dating sites after we worked on these things together. I’ve found that it’s usually not the site causing a person to not find the right date…it’s the person not using the site to that person’s best advantage.”

If I were single and trying to figure out how best to meet someone, I’d contact Christine. She’s a widow and has walked the walk. Not to mention that she is one of the nicest human beings one will ever meet. No wonder she does so well at helping senior singles who are struggling to find their way. Here is Christine’s picture:

Christine’s email is christine@theperfect catch.com and her website is www.ThePerfectCatch.com

Contact her, you’ll be pleased that you did.

New York Times Wedding for our Champ

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 12, 2021

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Part 1 – Great news!

I think most of you will remember our Champ Ginny, age 80, from articles written April 23 and April 30, 2021, in our eNewsletter. Ginny met an old friend, Harry, who was shooting pool with his buddies at the Pennsylvania senior center where Ginny volunteered.

We first wrote about her in April. Although Harry is seven years older, they had known each other for 65+ years. Harry was a widower who had been married for 59 years. Ginny and Harry started dating in 2013 but he emphatically stressed to her, “No marriage or living together.”

The couple’s situation started to change this summer. Harry’s hard-core position on marriage softened. Ginny kept us posted. A wedding was planned for November 2021. Then the wedding was moved to September.

Then, this started to happen: One of our Champs and loyal followers is New York Times wedding columnist Tammy Lagorce. Tammy asked for permission to contact Ginny and then Tammy did what all good columnists do–dig in deeper, getting the facts.

Tammy wrote an article on Harry and Ginny’s wedding, which appeared in the Times on November 5. Wedding pictures included. It’s awesome (the link is below). The featured picture at the opening of this column is not Ginny and Harry. It was a wedding couple that Greta and I saw in Praque in 2007. They might have been 20 years old, not in their 80s.

After reading last week’s eNewsletter about Abba, Tammy emailed: “Thank you so much for pointing me in her (Ginny’s) direction, and please keep me posted on other Champs who are ready to tie the knot. You are a treasure trove of great stories! I appreciate you.”

So, Champs, if you are thinking of tying the knot, let us know so we can pass the word on to Tammy.

By the way, Ginny and Harry have a unique relationship: a LAT-M (Living Apart Together-Marriage).

Link to NY Times link about a Champ’s wedding

Part 2 – Two websites that help seniors combat fraud and romance scams

Do you know that a “friend request” you receive on Facebook, or an offer for a free COVID-19 test on Instagram might be from a romance scammer trying to steal your money?

Are you aware that a phone call from a number you don’t recognize might be from a con artist claiming to work for the IRS who declares if you don’t pay delinquent back taxes that very day you will be jailed?

Romance scammers are con artists. They are experts at defrauding people. Romance scammers slowly gain the trust of vulnerable, lonely people, often seniors or widows, and sooner or later start asking for money. Millions of dollars have been stolen from unsuspecting seniors.

The United States Senate Special Committee on Aging is so concerned about seniors being scammed that it publishes an annual interactive Fraud Book that anyone can view online by searching on “Senate Interactive Fraud Report.” The book is free to download. Do not download other fraud books that cost money that might appear on the search page.

In a recent Senate Fraud Book I read, the opening Dear Friends letter said: “In 2020, the FTC estimated that Americans ages 60 and older lost at least $602 million to fraud, scams, and financial exploitation schemes.” The Fraud Book supplies tips from the FBI, FTC, and FCC on how to spot romance scammers and information from the FBI describing common techniques used by romance scammers, and details about Covid 19-related romance scams. The book includes a toll-free Fraud Hotline to report scams.

Another valuable tool for seniors for reading about romance and other scams is provided by the AARP Fraud Resource Center. The AARP Fraud Resource Center lists information on 76 different types of scams and fraud plus other valuable information. It can be accessed online by searching on “AARP Scams & Fraud.”

After studying the Senate Fraud Report and the AARP Scams & Fraud pages, I compiled a list of 10 tips for seniors to avoid fraud and romance scams

Tom’s 10 romance scam tips

1. To be better informed about fraud and scams, seniors should read and study the U.S. Senate Committee on Aging’s Fraud Report and the AARP Scams & Fraud pages.

2. If a person on a dating site says he or she is working overseas, it’s a red flag. Stop communications with that person

3. Trust your instincts. If someone sounds too good to be true, that person is likely a scammer

4. If a person says that meeting you was fate and he or she is quickly falling in love with you, it is a lie. A person cannot fall in love with someone he or she has never met face-to-face

5. Do not send pictures of yourself or supply personal information such as your home address to someone you’ve never met

6. Don’t be fooled by simple trinket-type gifts a person sends (if he or she has your address). The scammer gets the gifts for free from the scamming company

7. If a person says he or she is planning to visit you, and then cancels, he or she is likely a scammer

8. Never send money to anyone you don’t know personally or do not help a friend send money

9. Do not answer your phone if you don’t recognize the number calling you

10. Discuss your doubts or suspicious activity with friends or contact someone like me for an opinion. Or call the fraud hotline number listed in the Senate Fraud Report. Let’s put an end to romance scams. Beware of those social media “friend requests” and other warning signals.

Here are the two most important links I have provided to readers in the 26 years of writing newsletters and newspaper columns: AARP Fraud Watch Network
Link to AARP Fraud Watch

U.S. Senate’s Fraud Report
Link to Senate Fraud Report

What became of the 58 Couples?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – October 22, 2021

What became of the 58 couples?

In 2009, I published “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” The book was based on information that 58 Champ couples had provided. You may think “58” is a misprint, but it’s not. After the cover artwork was finished, eight more stories came in. My editor said, “Don’t change the artwork or book title, it’s catchy and would be expensive to change. Include the eight new stories; think of them as bonus stories.”

How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book cover by Tom Blake — **There are actually 58 stories of how couples met in this book**

I was honored to have John Gray, author of, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” provide an endorsement on the book’s front cover, which reads, “Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50.” How he knew that I have no idea, but I’ll accept it as a compliment.

I’ve often thought about what became of those 58 couples. I am aware of what happened to 14 couples. Some have split; some have become widows or widowers and about seven couples are still together.

If any of you are reading this eNewsletter today and were included in the book, please update me on what the status is of your relationship. If I hear from enough people, I might consider publishing an update to that book.

And, of course, I know the status of couple #58. That would be Greta and Tom, together for 24 years. They look like the couple on the front cover of the book, standing near the St. Francis of Assisi Cathedral in Italy.

This week I learned from Champ Lisa (Chapter 23) what became of her and her husband John. They divorced. He remarried; she’s happily single. She’s led a rather fascinating life.

Since her divorce from John, Lisa has had a long-distance relationship with a man 9 1/2 years younger. However, Lisa says “We met 10 years ago. Dated exclusively for two years and remain good friends. We met on Match.com.

“Sadly, our distance and interests preclude it from being more. He lives on Kodiak Island, Alaska, and doesn’t enjoy the heat. I live in Naples, Florida, and don’t enjoy the cold. No regrets, only fond memories.

“He is still hooked on my ‘candied bourbon bacon’ and he has sent me a lot of incredible sport-caught wild Alaskan fish in exchange for my bacon. We are no longer dating each other but have remained friends. I am so lucky.

“WILD King Salmon, Halibut, Sockeye, Rockfish, shrimp, scallops. He says his popularity in the local hunting/fishing community goes up when my bacon shows up. He sent a video of his tour guide on a recent hiking/camping adventure, shouting from a mountain top, that stated, “Lisa, if you are even half as awesome as your bacon, you are amazing.’ It’s a fun friendship. I have no clue about his romantic life, nor he about mine. It never comes up.”

Brief responses to the second-date kiss issue

S (woman) emailed, “Second date kissing? That wasn’t kissing, that was full slobbering making out. Totally inappropriate!”

Larry, “I’m surprised Gypsy didn’t floor the guy and yell, ‘Help, I’m being attacked.”

T (woman), “On a second date, I may expect a kiss but definitely not the kind Gypsy got from him. He was disrespectful of her. Rude!”

Susan, “I had the same thing happen to me and decided not to accept any further dates with the guy. He felt it appropriate to shove his tongue down my throat and not stop when I tried to push him away. I had to slide away in a less than graceful and desperate movement.”

A (woman), “I’ve had that happen to me too, many times, when I was in my 60s and dating. Most of those times were from men younger than I.”

My opinion: The guy was disgusting. A total jerk. Men should never force a mouth-to-mouth kiss on a woman.

And this

John, “The 68-year-old woman who is convinced that men in their 50s are after her for sex is proof that hope springs eternal.”

Let us hear from you

I’m inviting all Champs who have never emailed me to send in comments regarding senior living and dating in the cities and states in which they reside.

Senior dating and living topics

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 15, 2021
by Tom Blake

Protecting personal information

Champ Christine Baumgartner, our expert dating and relationship coach, shared a couple of notes about protecting personal information:

1.    I’ve mentioned to my female clients to create a free Gmail address to use exclusively for their online dating. This will protect their personal information because as Tom mentioned, most of us have a way to ‘track us’ through our regular email address.

2.    I also mention to them to sign up for a free phone number through Google Voice. It helps you protect your personal information just like the Gmail address does. Google assigns you an anonymous phone number that will route a call to your cell phone (just like online dating routes emails through their site to your personal email address).

What do single younger men want?

One woman Champ said, “On my ‘regular’ online dating site, I get contacted by many guys in their 50s. I am 68. I would NEVER go with anyone that young. And I’m sure I know what they are looking for.”   I asked her what that might be? Money? She responded: “S E X geez, had to spell it out?”

She has responded before. She always adds a negative comment whenever she writes. No wonder she can’t find guys to date–the negativism shows through and is a turnoff to men.

My comment. “You say that guys in their 50s want to have sex with women near 70. RealIy? I think guys in their 50s want to have sex with women in their 40s. Silly me, I thought money might be the primary reason why women want older men.”

One male Champ responded to her: “She’s not living in reality. Hope springs eternal.”

Another woman Champ asked me to keep my eyes and ears open for single guys for her. She wrote: “Location doesn’t matter because I’m willing to relocate. I’ll be 75 next month.”

And then she listed the specific religion he must belong to and the specific political party he must belong to.

My reply: At 75, location does matter? What if the guy lives 150+ miles away? How far is he going to be willing to travel to meet you and then to get to know you well enough to have you relocate to live with him?

I don’t discuss religion or politics in my writing. However, without taking sides, I will say this: requiring a man or a woman to be of a specific religion and a specific political party will severely limit the number of men available to her, particularly if she is geographically undesirable for them.

A male Champ stated that any woman in his life must be willing to attend Mass with him. He didn’t mention political party affiliation, but it’s likely also a factor with him.

Lunch with the newest Champ Greta and I had lunch this week with our newest Champ, Jo, who said, “I’m 87. I have no interest in dating. I just enjoy your eNewsletter.” Jo is one sharp cookie and a beautiful person.

A full dance-card

Linda, Murrieta, California, emailed, “If you want to stay busy and possibly keep your dance card full, living in a 55-plus community with amenities is the way to go. These are tailored to my interests but there are so many more activities. Bingo every Friday night and it’s open to the public.

Line Dancing Saturday morning at 9:30

Aerobics, MWF at 9:45. Karaoke once a month. Genealogy once a month. Wine Club once a month. Tuesday Night Social, every week at 5.“There are card clubs, tennis, golf, and pickleball. If you don’t have fun, it’s your own fault.”

Tom’s comment: Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to live in one of those 55+ communities. My mom did, for 30 years, a place called Oakmont, in Santa Rosa, California, and loved it. My siblings and I were blessed that she could afford it.”

Second-date familiarity A woman who describes herself as Gypsy is hoping to get opinions from Champs about a man’s second-date behavior. She wrote, “On our second date, he kissed me full on the mouth without an invite, not unusual, but he kept kissing me to the point of it being uncomfortable. I pulled away. Had it been on the cheek or top of the head, it would have been acceptable. As candid as our Champs are, it would be interesting to hear what they think of this familiarity on a second date. I don’t recall seeing an article or debate on the topic.”

Tom comment: Oh yikes, I think I’ll withhold my opinion, and ask our Champs if any of them will chime in. Can’t withhold my opinion: the guy was obnoxious.

One other item – Tom’s speech upcoming at Dana Point Historical Society

I mentioned that I will be the speaker at the Dana Point Historical Society meeting on Wednesday, October 27, at 7 p.m. in the Dana Point City Hall Chambers Meeting room. The topic: My new book, “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark.” There is no charge to attend. (See book cover image below)
However, seating will be very limited (55 people or less). I was previously told that a reservation would be required but that has changed. You can simply come to attend. I recommend arriving by 6:45 to ensure you won’t be standing in the hallway trying to listen. I’ll have some books to sign with me.
Thanks for responding with your dating experiences and questions, which are essential in keeping our information fresh.

Moving him out is harder than moving him in

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 10, 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior cohabitation: moving in is easier than moving out

Last week, we wrote about Jeanne, who was in a quandary because the man living with her for three years is a hoarder and treats her poorly. She wants him to move out. They met on OurTime in 2015.

Champs responded: Liping wrote: “I have been told before I criticize someone, I need to clean my room first. I will clean our rooms first tomorrow morning.”

S. emailed: “Jeanne says they have no agreement, yet he says she can’t kick him out. He can say anything he likes, but unless there’s a signed lease (not rental agreement), she can most certainly kick him out. “When the eviction suspension due to Covid is lifted, that is. Give him a three-day notice to quit and thus start the eviction process. This is assuming he holds no legal interest in the property.”

Cheryl, “What we don’t know are the contents of her partner’s boxes. Someone in their 70s has spent a lifetime putting together a well-stocked house. “Is he really a hoarder or did he just make a bad decision moving where there’s no room for his stuff? The bigger issue seems to be a volatile relationship where neither are happy but neither seems willing to leave.”

Shelley, “So she met the hoarder in 2015, and let him move in with her in 2018. He’s quick to get angry. I think she can kick him out immediately. Life is too short for this nonsense.” And then I heard about another unpleasant cohabitation situation.

This one from Beth (not her true name) 70, who wrote:

“Sixteen months ago, I started dating an older gentleman (79). We met on Match.com at the beginning of Covid 19. We missed the dating process because of Covid shutdowns.

“We walked often, and I cooked for us and cooked for him before I went home. We face-timed every night we weren’t together. He’d call eight times a day asking when I would come to his house. He asked me to marry him early on, but I said no.

“He wanted me to move in, but I said no. He started to fail physically, losing his balance and falling occasionally. I started going to doctor appointments with him. I went from girlfriend to caregiver in a few short months. I was cooking and cleaning with no days off for three months while staying at his house.

“He was very demanding of my time. He had brain surgery. I had to shower him. I started pushing back and told him when he got well, I was returning to my home. He asked me to stay another month.

“One day while he was on the phone, I packed and left. I felt guilty for leaving but knew no time would be a good time to leave. I am so burned out and I’ve decided to just enjoy my life.”

Tom’s comment: Back to Jeanne’s situation. This week, she sent an update: “Our couple’s counselor said today that we have senior irreconcilable differences. A week ago, I realized I could go no further trying to make it work and I asked him to leave.

“This relationship should never have been a move-in-with-me situation and the counselor pointed out to me that this was my biggest mistake, letting him move in with me.

“We had not known each other for enough time to live together. Seeing each other once a week, and sometimes only for part of a weekend didn’t give us enough time to get to really know each other and see all sides of each other.

“Because we were older did not mean we – especially me – were wiser! “
Three years wasn’t long enough to know each other? Really?

Tom’s eight lessons learned from these two situations

Before cohabitating:

1 – Heed red flag warnings

2 – Trust your instincts

3 – Get to know the person well (for Jeanne, three years wasn’t long enough)

4 – Don’t rush your decision

5 – Be objective. No rose-colored glasses

6 – Sign a written exit plan before the move, in case it doesn’t work out

7 – Don’t do it in order to just save money

8 – Remember, moving in is easy; moving out is difficult. I’m reminded of the Broadway musical that Greta, her daughter, Tammi, and I saw in NYC in 2005, called “Movin’ Out,” on the night before I was interviewed by Diane Sawyer on “Good Morning America.”

Above, see Greta and me with Diane and that cover of the Playbill Magazine from the musical, which featured the music of Billy Joel, including the song, “Movin’ Out (Anthony’s song),” which was on Joel’s 1971 “The Stranger” album

Link to Billy Joel singing “Movin’ Out”

Seniors have the right to love again

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – August 27, 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

Seniors have the right to love again

Champ Nancy emailed: “I had been friends with my neighbors for eight years. She and I were never close. She died last December and I developed a relationship with her husband. Did I violate a girl code by dating him?

“We found out she’d been cheating on him. Although her husband and I got to be friends before she died, we never were involved in anything other than that.

Am I wrong for dating him?”

Tom’s reply to Nancy: “What the heck is a girl code? Also, “You say, ‘we’ found out she’d been cheating on him. Who is we? And, how did you find out?”
“Her cheating on him has nothing to do with your dating him now. She is gone: he will need to move forward with his life.

“May I ask your approximate ages?”

Nancy’s reply: “Girl code is you don’t mess with a friend’s man.

“The guy she cheated with called their home after she passed not knowing she had died. He told her husband she told him she was a widow and said he was her current boyfriend. “I’m 65 and he’s 55.”

Tom’s second reply to Nancy: “You say, ‘Girl code is you don’t mess with a friend’s man.’ Does that code apply after the woman or man has passed away? I don’t think so. “

Can married women and men and people in committed relationships be platonic friends with members of the opposite sex?

“Yes, it’s healthy for us as we age to have friends of the same sex and the opposite sex. Recent studies during the pandemic by health officials reveal that loneliness and social isolation are unhealthy. We all need friends.

“Of course, knowing and respecting what is acceptable and not stepping over the relationship line are important. Trust and fidelity are essential in a marriage or committed relationship.

“Your friend’s wife wasn’t your friend, and you say your relationship with him was platonic. So, I don’t think your girl code applies here. The man probably needs and appreciates your friendship with him now. Your question made me think of a song sung by Jerry Vale in 1970, titled, ‘To Love Again.’

“Vale sang words that have stuck with me all these years:

‘No heart should refuse love

‘And if we should lose love, we have the right to love again.

‘Don’t live in the past dear. For you and me the die is cast dear. But if love won’t last dear, we have the right to love again.’ (The link to this song by Jerry Vale is below)

“I think all people have the right to pursue happiness after a loved one is gone. Of course, it’s a personal decision; there is no right or wrong. “We’ve all heard endless times where the dying spouse has unselfishly said to the spouse left behind, ‘I want you to find a nice mate.’

“Regarding the phone call from the man who called the house. How could he be dating a woman and not know that she still lived with her husband and wasn’t a widow? That sounds like a stretch of the truth and he was probably cheating with her.

“I feel the widower (and you as well Nancy) have the right to love again. Without guilt. Link to “To Love Again” by Jerry Vale

Reasons why married couples read this eNewsletter

**Ted and Marcia – Today’s featured couple – married 60 years**

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 6, 2021
By: Tom Blake Columnist

Reasons why senior married couples read this eNewsletter

About 10 years ago, I changed the name of this eNewsletter from Finding Love After 50 to On Life and Love After 50.

Why did I make the change?

I had started to hear from Champs that many were interested in topics other than just about senior dating. Some said they had met a mate and now wanted to hear more about other senior issues. Some had given up on meeting a mate and didn’t want to hear solely about dating. Heck, even some got married and had questions about later-in-life marriage issues.

Overall, Champs wanted to hear how other seniors were dealing with and coping with senior age-related issues.

Plus, I wanted to write about other topics in addition to keeping my toe in the dating, relationships-information waters. For example, Champs wanted to hear about the travels that Greta and I had taken, especially after we retired.
So, to keep up with the digital age, I changed the direction of the topics slightly.

However, a good old senior love story was still highly coveted.
I have always known that a good number of Champs are married or in long-term relationships. And I’m always curious why those people continue to read the eNewsletter.

Here’s a summary of what some have said:

“I read it when I was single; now that I’m married, I still enjoy it and learn from it.”

“Because people marry doesn’t mean they stop learning about other people.”

The most frequently stated reason is that when married people read about the woes and challenges of senior dating, it makes them appreciate their spouses more. They’ve said to me, “After reading what some of those singles go through; I’m holding my spouse close and never letting go. None of that senior single stuff for me.”

And when they say that, it pleases me.

One reason I don’t like to hear is when someone says, “I’m not happy in my (marriage, relationship, etc.,) and want to read what single life is like, as I may be back in it soon.” My hope is they will reconsider and stay married.

As always, my hope is to receive stories and comments from Champs. And today’s story comes from a man I’ve known a long time. Finally, this week, he agreed to share his story. He is married. His name is Ted; his wife’s name is Marcia. And that’s their picture above, taken two weeks ago (in July 2021).

And this is their story below, in the next section.

Ted and Marcia
Ted emailed, “Tom, you’d like this gal! Marcia is four years younger than I am and was just 18 and a recent high school graduate when we were married. I had just graduated from Albion College (Michigan) and was headed to the University of Michigan Law School. “People thought such a marriage could never last. But Harriett Pitts (high school English Literature teacher) would have smiled had she heard us discussing Shakespeare and great books while we courting.

“Marcia and I will be celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary in August. She grew up in Marshall, Michigan, and worked at the local radio station in nearby Albion during her junior and senior years in high school. I was working there at the time, and that’s where we met.

“We are planning a short ‘nostalgia tour’ of the Albion-Marshall area to celebrate. Romanticist that I am, the journey will include a trip to the First Presbyterian Church in Marshall where we were wed. We’ll be renewing our vows during the visit.

“Of course, any trip to Marshall involves dinner at Schuler’s (restaurant), and that will be special for us because we grew up in households where dining at an establishment of that caliber was something one aspired to do only once or twice in his or her lifetime. We are grateful that we are in a better place than our parents were.

“Every week, I read with interest your stories about, and your advice to, aging singles. Your advice always seems to be sound, but I’m glad that (so far) it’s not the guidance I need. We’ve been blessed with 60 happy years, three children (two sons and a daughter, all in their 50s), and five grandchildren aged 18 to 26. They have been, and of course continue to be, a hugely important part of our lives.

“Words of wisdom based on 60 years of marriage: ‘Talk to one another. Share your thoughts, whether they are good or not so good.’

“I’ve not purchased your new book yet, but that is my plan. I hope that it will finally satisfy my curiosity about the genesis of the name of your deli (Tutor & Spunky’s).”

Tom’s comment: Now I can confess. Ted and I graduated together from Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan, a few years ago (64 years, egads) And yes, I ate at Schuler’s restaurant in Marshall many times with my family. I recall their bar cheese to be the best ever.

For senior dating success: open your mind to open your heart

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 25 2021

By Tom Blake – Columnist

For Senior Dating Success: Open your mind to open your heart

As senior singles emerge from the pandemic, many would like to meet a mate. Some of them have asked me for advice on how to begin, where to go, and what to do. Perhaps the most important piece of advice I can offer comes from 14 years ago and is still significant today.

In 2007, Patricia emailed me her story on how she met her mate. Her story was unique. I liked it so much I included it in my “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book, which was published in 2009. Her chapter is titled “Love on the Back of a Harley.”

Several of our Champs’s stories are also in that book.

This week, I found Patricia’s 2007 email in my Gmail archives. She was 62 then. Her email detailed how she met and married a man named Cowboy. His interests and lifestyle were dramatically different compared to what Patricia was seeking in a mate. He was a biker. She had never been on a motorcycle. The final two sentences of that 2007 email particularly got my attention:

She wrote, “On our second anniversary of when we first met in person, Cowboy and I were married. I truly love and adore this big ‘Biker’ and I am proud to be his wife.

“Single senior women should not give up on finding that someone special. They should broaden their minds and consider the unexpected. I never expected to be some biker’s “Old Lady,” but I’ve never been happier and more in love. Ladies, you should take more chances in meeting men.”

In re-reading that email 14 years later, I thought to myself, “Patricia’s advice is still valid today, especially coming out of the pandemic restrictions. Older singles can improve their chances of meeting a potential mate by jettisoning old stereotypes and beliefs, which means being open to people of different religious beliefs, ethnicities, income levels, family situations, hobbies, interests, and accepting people who wear tattoos, or body piercings, and perhaps, have different political affiliations (which, in 2021, maybe the biggest stretch of those listed).

So why did this information from 2007 cross my mind? Last week, I received an email from Patricia, who is now 68. She wanted to update me on the changes she and her husband Cowboy, now 70, have endured during the last 14 years and how they are dealing with post-pandemic retirement.

She wrote, “It’s time to seriously think about retirement. We are both working full time and collecting Social Security. We just purchased a beautiful home in Montana, and we have put our California ranchette up for sale.

“Yes, we are doing retirement backward. We are moving from a warm state and a single-level home to a cold state and a two-story home. But, no more earthquakes, raging forest fires, horrendous mudslides, or high gas prices.

“We love Montana’s beauty. The edge of our new 1.5-acre lot drops down more than 300 feet to a creek with rainbow trout in it. Cowboy loves to fish. If we get snowed in, we can just relax, and take advantage of our fully stocked kitchen pantry.

“Granted, riding the Harley year around isn’t a possibility in Montana, but we will have months when we can. Our new adventure is just getting started, and it all started when I took a chance and met a ‘Biker’ no one ever thought I would match with!”

Patricia added, “When I was online years ago, I read Cowboy’s profile that said, ‘Don’t let the biker thing scare you off, we are not a bad lot; you might want to meet me before you make a judgment. A lot of us are real nice men.’

“I took a chance and met my ‘Knight in Shining Armor.’ He just happens to ride a Harley.”

Patricia’s advice from 14 years ago to open one’s mind and expand one’s comfort zone to meet new people, can be as effective today as it was back then.

Seniors should never give up on love

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 23, 2021

by columnist Tom Blake

Senior Dating: Seniors should never give up on love (and intimacy)

(marriage in their 80s?)

After last week’s eNewsletter was published, Ginny, Delaware County, PA emailed, “I wrote to you two years ago to encourage single senior women to ‘Get out there, have fun, and not give up looking for a good man.’ I’m doing that again today!

“I met my boyfriend Harry seven years ago. In the first few years, when I or others occasionally brought up the subject of marriage to him, he reminded me and them that he had told me early on to he wasn’t going to remarry. So, I, like some of your readers (Champs), had a big decision to make based partly on the availability-of-men statistics: Stay or leave?”

Ginny decided to stay.  She continued: “I fell for him (had seen him in church while we were both married). I left that church.

“Fifteen years later, both of us having recently lost our spouses, we met at the senior center and started dating right away.  “We are active, fun-loving, and healthy, Christians who are very much in love and are looking forward to having a ‘complete’ relationship.

“Life is full of surprises! Now, at ages 80 (me) and 87 (Harry), he has changed his mind and wants to marry me. We live three minutes apart. We are both widowed after long marriages; he was happily married, me not happily married.

“To further encourage us to marry, my brother, 74, a widower of eight years, is also ‘tying the knot’ this year with a lovely woman age 69, whom he met two years ago on the Match website.”

I responded to Ginny: “Why do you think he changed his anti-marriage stance at age 87? Why get married now? The decision ‘to stay or go’ you made, worked out for you. I’m happy you didn’t leave him. “Who will move? What does a complete relationship mean? “A senior center is a good place for seniors to find a mate.”

Ginny replied, “I plan on asking him soon why he changed his mind. We are going to have a LAT marriage. I go visit him almost every evening now. After we marry, instead of coming home each night, I will come home the next morning. When I originally suggested this, years ago, he said ‘No way.’ I suspect he wasn’t ready.

“Harry had been married to his high school sweetheart for 59 years when she died of cancer, after being diagnosed five years before.

“We will have a senior prenup also. We both have children and grandchildren. Our money will stay separate.

“What I mean by a senior complete relationship is that now we will be able to have sex. Because of our faith, we agreed years ago to abstain unless married. It was difficult.

“Eight years ago, at age 72, I was widowed. I decided I wasn’t going to just join women’s groups, so I found the local senior center. It is a ‘happening place.’ I am now on the council there. I first spotted Harry shooting pool. He recognized me right away.

“Several times later, I checked out the pool room where the men hung out. They were very welcoming to me, and there was Harry. Within a short time of our meeting, he asked me out. He told me many times that he was only looking for someone to have fun with, and I was it. The rest is history.”

Tom’s ending thoughts: I love Ginny’s story! And wow, a new term for our Champs: ‘A Living Apart Together Marriage!’ (a LAT-M). I hadn’t heard that one before and yet I get it. And I smile at their reason for marrying. Bless you, both.

I hope you like the new Constant Contact format. Thanks for being a Champ. If friends want to be added to our eNewsletter list, they can easily sign up on the home page of my website:

www.FindingLoveAfter50.com

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 5, 2021

by Tom Blake – Columnist

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

(Note: This eNewsletter has been slightly edited for length and clarity.)

Two weeks ago, this eNewsletter put Sarasota, Florida on the senior dating map. How? Margaret, one of our Champs, had purchased two rental properties there. She mentioned how friendly the people living there are, and that she’s met many senior single men. I, tongue-in-cheek, raised the question, “Is Sarasota a mecca for senior singles?”

Last week’s article featured responses, which I selected, from 11 Champs about what Margaret had written. Oh my gosh, those responses were all over the place, not to mention the ones I didn’t include.

Some enjoyed what she said, others took shots at her, some made false assumptions, and some wondered why women are even looking for a mate at this stage of their lives.

And the latter point is the subject of today’s eNewsletter. I’m including responses from two women about why women shouldn’t be so focused on finding a man.

Plus, I’m sharing Margaret’s impression and thoughts about the diverse responses to her Sarasota article.

Please note: these are not my opinions; I am merely sharing what Champs have said.

Champ Bev emailed, “I moved to Florida three months ago, and while I did not move to Sarasota, I must say that a person will be happy wherever she or he ‘chooses’ to be happy. When people stop focusing on just meeting someone, marriage, etc., and instead start to focus on what brings them happiness, they will be happy anywhere. Happiness begins from within you, not from meeting someone to fill empty holes.

“You need to start by filling the holes yourself. Once you are right in your heart, the rest will naturally fall into place. I liked what Kathy said about not expecting a line of senior single men at the airport in Florida, hoping to meet women. I think that is true of any place, and we need to remain realistic otherwise disappointment sets in.”

Althea shared, “Your newsletters are always interesting. Your Feb. 26 article was cool. I like how you include people’s comments. Maria’s comment was right to the point when she suggested that for all the complaining and searching that some women do to find a single man…that those women were too ‘man-hungry.’

“I wonder why divorced, single or widowed women over 65 need a man? Especially so desperately. If they are set financially, have a home, have family and friends around them, why do they need a man to date, or live with? Haven’t they all been there, done that?

“If they accidentally by fate meet a man and the two of them have things in common, sure, why not spend time together? Great!

“But why the need to go looking and acting so anguished and desperate? Are senior women–after they have lived with a husband for 40, 50, or, 60 years–unable to live alone?

“I can understand the ones who need a man to live with to share finances. But the drawbacks and possible problems that could arise might outweigh the benefit. Been there done that. I’d rather live in a tent.”

Margaret said, “The funny thing about the Sarasota article is that at age 65, I am not looking for a date or a relationship as I am very busy with my family, friends and maintaining my properties right now. Maybe sometime in the future.

“I kept reading in Tom’s eNewsletter articles about women wondering ‘where the men are?’ and thought the Sarasota demographics were interesting. My suggestion to women who are looking for a man is to stop trying so hard.

“Go out, enjoy life, be active, have fun with girlfriends and/or men friends, start a book club, play cards, go hiking, bike riding, walk and travel. Life is too short and precious to waste ‘isolating’ at home or ‘waiting’ for the right person to come along. And, when I do go out, I wear a mask, contrary to what a couple of Champs assumed.

“You can choose to let life get you down and have a negative attitude but it will show in your face, body language, what you say, and/or complain about. Or you can choose to pick yourself up, be positive, and look forward to all the wonderful possibilities.

“These past few years I have lost family members that I loved. Then I lost my health due to a bike accident. I could have isolated at home and felt sorry for myself, but I had wonderful friends and other family members that supported and loved me and most importantly made sure I was not alone.

“Through their love, I was able to live life happily again. Some ‘holes’ that Bev talked about will never be filled when a loved one is lost, but there is always hope for happier days ahead. The Florida properties have kept me busy and I am grateful for that. Spending time with my childhood best girlfriend who encouraged me to buy in Sarasota has been such a sweet blessing and helped me in showing me around Sarasota. She was originally a CA girl but retired with her husband in Sarasota.

“Lastly, we can choose to be a “Negative Nancy” or a “Positive Polly.” I think the reason I have met so many nice men in Sarasota is that I am friendly, have no problem being the first to initiate a conversation (This does not necessarily involve flirting, just laughing/joking while waiting in line at the grocery store or asking for help at the hardware store) and I am generally a happy person, quick to smile or laugh and interested in what the other person has to say.”

Something to ponder

Wayne (written with a big smile) asked, “I got my second Covid vaccine shot. Should I put that on my dating profile?”

My comment: Hilarious. But it’s a good question in that it may reveal people’s different opinions on the government’s and health-care experts’ mandates regarding COVID-19.

Keep the comments coming so I can keep the eNewsletters coming.