Columnist Tom Blake – Page 8 – On Life and Love after 50

Senior men on finding and losing love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 5, 2020

Columnist Tom Blake

Today’s eNewsletter has three parts. Parts one and two feature senior men on finding and losing love. In part one, a senior man blames himself for losing past relationships, but has a great partner now. In 26 years of writing dating after 50 columns, I can’t recall a man ever fully admitting he was the problem for relationships not working.

In Part 2—a very brief section, a man Champ gives sage advice.

In Part 3 – Tom’s new ebook: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.”

Part One – Senior men on finding and losing love

Champ Joel steps up to the plate and admits that his difficulty in staying in relationships was his fault. And what he did to fix the problem. His words are educational, from which many of us can learn.

Joel shared: “I was 12 years a slave to Match.com, POF and all the others. Sometimes I would meet five women a week in my desperate search for a loving partner. In that time, I met four women that I could have loved, should have loved and would have loved–if only I had known then what I know now.

“I met the fourth woman online; we fell in love and I moved from Tallahassee Fl to San Francisco to live with her. I lived in blissful happiness for two years until she dumped me, with no warning that I saw.

“I moved back to Florida and, over a two-year period–including significant therapy–I progressed from a complete emotional and physical disintegration to my rebirth as a better, healthier man.

Senior love – the problem was me

“I realized there was nothing wrong with any of those four women and in fact, they would have made wonderful life partners. The problem was me.

“I had been inattentive, unempathetic, arrogant, and a lousy listener. In short, what women often call a jerk.

“After a deep self-assessment and adjustment, I met a woman, fell in love, and, after cohabiting for five years, we got married. I believe that many times people searching for love without success think the problem is the people they meet.

“If you’ve been meeting prospective mates for two years and haven’t found one, it may be the problem is you. That was the case with me.”

“My advice is to look in the mirror for the solution. It may be that you need to radically change or accept the fact that you would rather be single, than change, adapt and, accept.

“By accepting, I mean there are some traits that come with gender. Men and women have some built-in behaviors, like communication styles, that are omnipresent. If you want a partner, you have to accept those traits and adapt to them, even though doing that may drive you crazy.

“Likewise, each person has irritating, annoying, even disgusting traits that come with them. They likely won’t change. It’s foolish to think you can change a person.

“If you are going to find love late in life, you may need to change. You must accept a person with flaws. Or you may decide to live single, not a bad choice and one with some advantages.

“My choice was to find a loving partner and that happened when I changed. I am a happily married man now.

Wendy and Joel

Joel added, “Sure proves there is hope for everyone. Best wishes in your search!”

I asked Joel how he and Wendy met. That was unique as well.

Joel emailed, “When I was out and about, and single, my social crutch at a social event or party was my camera. I found it easy to approach people and ask to take their photograph. When they asked why I would say—truthfully–I will send them to you and the hostess of the party. Which I did back in the day of paper photographs, then, later as jpegs.

“In 2012, I had moved back from The Bay Area to Florida. I was with a date at a party and taking pictures and had a chat with an interesting and attractive woman, took her picture, moved on, and later sent the picture files to the hostess…and forgot about it.

“Three months later, the hostess and I were having lunch and I told her about yet another failure with a woman I had dated. She said, ‘You should call Wendy!’

“I did and the rest is history. It’s working because I learned to accept, adapt, and pay attention to her needs, even when I don’t understand. What’s that old saying about ‘a happy wife means a happy life’ or some such thing?

Part 2 – Include A-B-C when profile building

Art, “One thing that I have in my profile is something I learned years ago in sales, A-B-C, always be closing. This means to include what you want the person to do next. For example, ‘If you enjoyed reading my profile, send me a message, and let’s get to know each other.’

“It sounds like such an obvious ending, but most people do not know how to end their profile.” Include A-B-C when profile building.

Part 3 – Last week, I made a mistake in the eNewsletter. Here’s how:

I mentioned an ebook I had just published titled “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.” The book is about five guys, who traveled in and lived in a VW bus in the summer of 1960. The final 16 days were at the Rome Olympics. I was one of the five. There are some travel photos.

I had offered to Champs to download it for $0.99 (cents). But the link I included was a broken link. I made a mistake. So, I’m making that offer once again with these instructions.

The book is on www.Smashwords.com, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. When you click on the link the first time, Smashwords will prompt you to create a personal account. It’s easy, just enter your email address and create a password. Write the password down so you will have it in future visits to their site.

After you create your account, type my name Tom Blake in the search box, and the covers of the books I have on Smashwords will appear. Click on “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus Summer of 1960.” Then click on “Buy.” Then, you will get a prompt for a Coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle uses the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with the Smashwords online reader.

So that was my error last week, providing a broken link. I made a mistake. A few of you commented on that. Let me know if you have any questions or issues.

84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960

Cover of Tom’s new ebook “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.”

Senior Online dating sites

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2

by Columnist Tom Blake

For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.

Beware of scammers!

Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried Match.com. There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”

Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.

Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating.
The first four responses came from men.

John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake.

“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you. She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”

Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”

Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.”

Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.

Women responded as well.

Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.

“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves. But online dating can be worth the hassle.

“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”

Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.

“My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time.

“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”

Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.

“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’

“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”

One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.

“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.

“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!

“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”

My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on Match.com, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.

There are companies such as Online4.love.com, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.

I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.

Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.

Part 2 – There’s an actor among us

Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know. However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.

Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.

Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017

And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.

This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”

Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!

“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie! I’m married to a famous actor!”

She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.

Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather

Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”

Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.

Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.

Why now is the PERFECT time to date

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior Dating during COVID-19 Pandemic
Christine Baumgarten, Champ and relationship coach, on why now—during the crisis–is a PERFECT time to date:

Christine said, “I’ve experienced the same challenge that people think they ‘can’t’ date right now. And what I’m clear about is, it’s the PERFECT time to date. People can meet virtually through Facetime, Skype, or Zoom. It’s the perfect way to get to know each other without the pressure or concern about getting ‘physical’ too soon.

“Also, one of the biggest complaints is when people meet in person, they don’t look like their picture. Now, you’ll confirm what they look like before you go through the effort to meet in person.

“There are so many fun things to do virtually, with a new person:

*Learn a new dance step – Country Line Dancing, Salsa, Square Dancing, etc.

*Read a book to each other

*Learn a language together

*Learn to play an instrument

*Pick a recipe and cook and eat together – Are you the type of person who needs a recipe (that’s me) or can you just look in your refrigerator and find a three-course meal (that was Tony, my deceased husband).

*Do a craft together – Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Does he know how to do something you’d like to learn? If you’re both learning something new, then you’ll get to see how you each deal with learning something new, with all the possible frustrations.

*Give each other a tour of your house (don’t give out your address) just a tour of the inside. Oh my, what will you learn about each other’s lifestyle!

“And as you are ‘doing’ all these things together you can ask the other person questions about his or her life to learn about his traits to determine if you’re a match and if you’ll eventually want to meet in person.

“I brought this point up in a Facebook thread and one person responded, ‘We’ll run out of things to talk about if we can’t meet in person.’

“And my response is, ‘If you run out of things to talk about with someone you’ve just met, then this is confirmation that you are not a match.’”

Comment from Tom: Christine, since you need a recipe to cook, try my Chicken Parmesan I shared with my sister! Ha!

Christine’s website: www.theperfectcatch.com

Contact Christine at christine@theperfectcatch.com

Senior Sex no time to waste

On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – May 8, 2020

The Letter – Senior Sex no time to waste

By Columnist Tom Blake

You may recall that last week’s eNewsletter was a bit off the wall. It featured a woman, age 30, who insisted on a six-month pre-marriage trial with her fiancé, age 59, where they slept together, but had no physical contact, no hand holding, not one hug or kiss. She considered the trial “a success.” They married.

After the wedding she was shocked to find out he wanted sex.

Her letter had been sent to me in 2001.

There were many, varied responses to her story. The first came from Mark, who said, “I believe you made this up to bring good cheer to your readers. Am I right?”

I replied: “Greta and I are out of town for a week. When I get back to Dana Point, I will scan her letter and send it to you.

“I found it in the garage in a box of old column stuff. Thought to myself, this can be a column someday.

“Letter is for real. Glad you enjoyed it.”

Mark said, “I didn’t doubt for a minute that the letter was real. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up!”

Mark’s right; I don’t have the imagination to create something like that. Here’s part of the actual letter:

The Letter – from 20 September 2001

Helen, Arizona, responded, “Thanks for the laugh. Oh me. Sometimes I wonder. Are there really people walking around our country like this? Wonder if she made the whole thing up? Doesn’t matter.

“Phil and I have been together since 2003 after meeting on the Net. Didn’t marry. We are 80 and 81 now. Times are not easy, but we are together. We are one of the couples you featured in your book all those years ago.”

Another response came from Laurie Jo: “I read your eNewsletter and had an immediate, strong reaction.

“Things like impotence can be an issue, but there are ways to work around that and other difficulties when we age. I feel happy that I can still ride my horse, do household chores, and walk without any problems.

“I have friends that have hip issues and things like cancer. My point is: why give up intimacy? Why forego or avoid a wonderful part of being alive and capable.”

Twice a widower, “after two good marriages,” John commented. “I’m nearly 80 and every time I think I’ve heard it all regarding love relationships, something comes along to prove me wrong—such as your article last week. The woman in the story must be totally unaware/naive about how the world works–at least pertaining to how men and women relate to each other physically.

“I’m still actively dating and looking for a life-partner. After several dates with a woman, and if it begins to look promising, we start digging down into the weeds of what we’re looking for in a relationship.

“Eventually, I ask if she is interested in a physical relationship. Or, is she just seeking a friend for movies and dinners? I ask because having a physical relationship remains important to me.

“To illustrate how difficult expectations can be, I met a woman on a dating site two years ago who lives three hours away by car. My thinking was, if we were a good fit, it would be worth the drive.

“It turned out she oversees the caregivers who tend to her disabled sister, about a 10-minute drive from my home. I started seeing her when she was in town once or twice a month for six months.

“Then, she invited me to visit her at her home. I spent two nights with her and slept in a separate bedroom; there was no physical contact during the stay. We saw each other on and off when she visited her sister for about a year.

“She continued pursuing me and invited me to her home again, for three nights. I accepted. (Separate bedrooms again.)

“We were watching a TV movie the second night and I attempted to hold her hand, but she was not receptive. At dinner, the third night, I asked her if she was looking for a physical relationship because some women are not.

“She erupted and said, ‘All men are looking for only one thing!’ With that comment, I promptly left.”

“We had no contact for six months when out of the blue she sent me an email apologizing for how she reacted and wanted to get together again. We did but, it was just not-to-be for me.”

An important point from John’s story, Laurie Jo’s comments, and Helen’s comments, even at 70 or 80, for seniors physical contact is important to many men–and women.

Lesson for dating seniors: It’s best to discuss each person’s sexual expectations in the early dating stages of a potential relationship. At 80, we don’t have any time to waste.

Message for Mark: I didn’t make this up either: Because this column is about a letter, and about not having time to waste, the song, “The Letter,” by The Box Tops, 1967, popped into my mind.

Lyrics

“Gimme a ticket to an aeroplane
Ain’t got time for a fast train
Lonely days are gone. I’m a-going home
My baby, just wrote me a letter”

Link to Box Tops song (click on open wide screen and then the red arrow to begin video ):
Link to song “The Letter”

Happy Mother’s Day

Senior Dating Does Age Matter? And, Ghosts on a ghost ship

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – April 17, 2020

Senior Dating Does Age Matter – See Part 2 below

Columnist Tom Blake

Part One

“It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship.”
It could have been us.

The words, “It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship” caught the attention of Champs Ron, and his wife, Lee, this past Tuesday, in an online article on Bloomberg.com, about two ships dealing with the COVID-19 virus.

The reason Ron and Lee took an interest in the article was that they, and Greta, and I , were discussing the current situation in the cruise-ship industry, including the ordeal of those same two ships, during Happy Hour last Saturday afternoon.

“Happy Hour?
Last Saturday?
Four People Together?”

How could that be?

In California, where the four of us live, bars and restaurants are closed, except for take out, and people are supposed to be staying home.

Yes, the discussion took place during Happy Hour, where the two couples were telephone face-timing each other from their respective homes.

Three days later, on Tuesday, Ron and Lee read the online Bloomberg news article in which, Claudia Osiani, 64, of Mar del Plata, Argentina, in a phone interview from her cabin on the Holland America cruise ship, ms Rotterdam, was quoted: “It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship. We just want to go home.”

During Happy Hour, I had mentioned the sorry plight of the ms Rotterdam and ms Zaandam. In the same breath, I said how fortunate Greta and I were to not be on one of those two ships. Why in particular those two ships?

Well, Greta and I love to travel. More specifically, we love to travel on cruise ships. Our adopted cruise ship company is the Holland America Line (HAL). All the cruises we have taken have been on HAL vessels, except one Viking river cruise and one short Princess ocean cruise.

On HAL, we are what’s called 4-star mariners, which means we’ve logged a lot of sea days (245) on multiple HAL ocean cruises.

When you spend an extended time on a cruise ship, you start to feel the ship is your friend. You trust it. You trust the captain and the crew. When a cruise ends, and you say good-bye to the crew, there’s a tug on your heart because they’ve become your friends, and you realize you probably won’t see them again.

The ship in the HAL fleet that feels most like home to us is the ms Rotterdam. In 2010, we rode her from San Diego to Lima, Peru, and back for 30 days, stopping in several ports along the way.

In 2013, we boarded the Rotterdam again, this time for 32 days, cruising from Amsterdam to the Canary Islands, back to Amsterdam, and then to Russia, Estonia and Sweden.

ms Rotterdam visiting Lerwick, Sheltland Islands 2019 photo by Tom

Our third trip on the Rotterdam was last August, from Amsterdam to Iceland, Greenland and Scotland for 22 days. One of our Champs, Marilou, and a friend of hers, Pat, were, by coincidence, on that cruise.

Champ Marilou, Tom, Pat, and Greta photo by Tom

Other HAL ships we’ve taken include the ms Zaandam in 2017, for 34 days, from San Diego, around South America to Rio.

ms Zaandam in Ushuaia, Argentina in 2017 – southernmost city in world photo by Tom

In 2018, we were on the ms Amsterdam, the Rotterdam’s sister ship, for 82 days, traveling from Los Angeles throughout the Far East and back. We visited 34 ports, three of which were in China, including a visit to the Great Wall of China. We traveled on trains and buses in Shanghai, mingling with hundreds, if not thousands, of Chinese citizens. We stayed healthy on that trip.

As the COVID-19 crisis started to evolve, Greta and I watched closely what was happening with cruise ships. We visualized passengers being quarantined to 392-square feet staterooms, some with no windows. Ships in all parts of the world were being affected.

We were saddened to hear that the Zaandam was not allowed to stop in a port in Chile because a virus had infected passengers. Four died. Some of the sick, not all, had COVID-19.

The Zaandam made its way to the Panama Canal but wasn’t allowed to transit through to get back to Florida—too many sick passengers on board.

And then, our old pal, the Rotterdam was sent to assist the Zaandam off the Panamanian coast. Oh my gosh, there they were—two Holland America ships that had been home to us for a combined total of 118 days—caught in the heart of the virus outbreak.

When we saw pictures on the news of those two ships stranded together, we looked at each other, saying, “It could have been us.”

Thankfully, the Zaandam and Rotterdam were finally allowed to traverse the Panama Canal, and, received permission to dock in Port Everglades, Florida.

Greta and I have always been impressed with how careful HAL has been with sanitation. Hand sanitizers placed throughout the ship. Constant reminders to wash hands. Staying in your stateroom if sick. Spraying passengers’ hands when leaving and returning to the gangplank. They are perfectionists for health; we always appreciated the crew going that extra mile.

Travel agents have been crushed by COVID-19. Airline travel down 96 percent. Hotels 80 percent empty. Cruising on hold. When things get back to normal, give them a call. They will be anxious to return to work, as the rest of the world will be.

Greta and I will be traveling again someday, and we’ll be cruising. We hope all of you will give your travel agents the green light to book you on a trip—maybe even a cruise. Trust me, the cruise ship companies will ensure those sea-going beauties will be sanitized from bow to stern and back again.

Here is the Bloomberg.com article link about the ms Rotterdam and ms Zaandam ordeal to which Ron and Lee alerted us:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-12/some-who-endured-pandemic-at-sea-spend-easter-on-ghost-ship?utm_campaign=news&utm_medium=bd&utm_source=applenews

Part 2 – Tom has created a new ebook

With so much spare time over the last few weeks, I got busy creating a new ebook, titled, “Senior Dating: Does Age Matter?” That book is now on the Smashwords.com website, the largest ebook bookstore in the world. It’s all about age and the age difference in senior dating. One chapter features women and what they have to say about age in dating.

Some Champs are quoted in the book.

Another chapter is titled “Cougars.” And another features what men say. Yes, it’s a hot-potato book with controversy. The cost is $2.99. But, I’ve created a 50-percent-off coupon for Champs which will be available for a week. The coupon code is: SC87U

To download the book, click on this link:. https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . You will see the new ebook cover on the top row. Click on it and click on purchase. Enter in the coupon code box this code SC87U. Your net cost will be $1.50.

The couple on the left: Champs Chris and Tina and Tom and Greta on the right

After you read it, I would appreciate your comments.

Senior scam alert. And free ebook. And beloved ship sinks

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 3 2020

Senior scam alert. And free ebook. And beloved ship sinks

by Columnist Tom Blake

You’d think with the extra time we have on our hands during this stay-at-home restriction we are all under, that writing an eNewsletter would be easy. But, it’s not.

Dating and seeking a potential mate isn’t a top priority for older singles at the moment. Evidence of that? Normally, I receive several comments and questions from Champs about dating and relationships, but those have slowed to a trickle.

I did receive many positive comments responding to last week’s “Beware of scams” article. I appreciate that

Two new scams came to my attention this week. The first was chilling, downright scary.

Scam one – I read about this on a KVVU-TV, Las Vegas, online press release, written by Ashley Cooper. A Las Vegas couple in their mid-20s posted an ad on a dating site. Details weren’t available regarding what site or what the ad said. It might have been an ad for a Menage a trois (a threesome).

A Las Vegas man (age not disclosed) took the bait. He went to the couple’s house where they robbed and killed him.

According to Ms. Cooper’s article, a friend of the woman tipped off police. The couple was seen leaving her home and arrested. These admittedly are skimpy details, but still, how careless, not to mention getting close to strangers during this COVID-19 crisis.

We all know to never meet a stranger face-to-face without doing a background check, and, be sure your friends know where you are meeting and with whom. But, to go to someone’s home, having never met the person, is asking for trouble, which is what the victim got.

Scam two: Even Citi Bank is posting scam alerts on their website for Visa cards. Here is a message on their website:

“We recently discovered a new text message scam and wanted to make sure you’re armed with everything you need to know to avoid falling victim to it. This scam involves sending text messages alerting you that your account has been blocked, along with a link to log into your Citi account. This link takes you to a fraudulent website, and when you log in, your Citi online user ID and password will be compromised.

“Awareness and education are your best defenses against scams

“Text communications from Citi typically do not show a complete phone number as the sender of the text. Shorter codes of 5 or 6 digits are usually used by Citi and could be displayed with or without dashes (for instance, 410-98 or 248487) If you see a full phone number as the sender of the text, this may be a scam. Please confirm the message is legitimate before taking any action.

“In addition, when we send a text with a link to log in to your account directly from the text, the link will always include citi.com or citibank.com. Be aware of other variations, like additional punctuation or abbreviations.”

Part 2, So, what have I been doing?

I can’t go Stand Up Paddle Boarding. Baby Beach and the adjacent parking lot and other beaches in Southern California are closed. Previously, when I’ve paddled, one of the sites I enjoy seeing is Dana Point’s tall ship “Pilgrim.” It’s been docked at Baby Beach for years, sort of the symbol of Dana Point. Can’t even do that anymore. Here’s why:

Photo courtesy of Ron Cohan

Hopefully, she will be salvaged and float again.

One project I’m working on is updating my ebooks on the www.Smashwords.com website. Smashwords is the world’s largest ebook-bookstore. Anybody can post their books there and market them at almost no cost. I have eight ebooks available on Smashwords. Two of those eight needed editing so that’s what I’ve been working on.

One is “Widower dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field?” It’s one of my most popular ebooks as widows, widowers and women dating widowers have downloaded it. I spent a few hours reworking that book and lowered the price is $2.99.

The other book that needed updating was: “Italy 23 Days by Train.” This book features a trip to Italy that Greta and I took in 2008. It has 98 photos (that’s pretty staggering by itself). It was fun reliving that trip, which included Northern Italy (Milan, Genoa and Cinque Terre), Southern Italy (Rome, Capri, Sorrento, Amalfi, Naples) and Tuscany. (Florence, Siena, Assisi).

While working on that book, this thought crossed my mind: how different Italy is today under the CORONA-19 crisis: empty streets, restaurants and tourist sites closed, people sick, dying and people quarantined. What a tragedy.

Then I thought, “Why not–during this time when we are self-quarantined at home–invite our Champs to view what Italy was like at its finest in 2008? Why not let them download the ebook, Italy 23 days by Train for no cost for a couple of weeks? So, that’s what I am doing. Here’s what you do.

-Go to www.smashwords.com and search on Tom Blake. That will take you to my ebook page. Click on “Italy 23 Days by Train.”

Click on the purchase button and then insert this free coupon number: LP83M

You can download that fun book with its 98 pictures and enjoy it. For Kindle readers, download it in the Mobi format. Others might have to download in epub format. You can also send it to your email address, and open it from there.

The free coupon will be valid from today, April 3, until April 17.

If you have trouble downloading it, on the Smashwords page, you can click on “Online Reader” and read online without downloading it.

If you have questions or issues with the download, email me at tompblake@gmail.com.

If any of you are thinking of publishing a book, Smashwords.com is an incredible website for publishing ebooks. Take a look on how detailed and informative their style guide is. Ebooks outsell printed books now, in this day of electronic communications.

And then, when the world gets rid of this deadly virus, perhaps you’ll want to go visit the incredible Italy that Greta and I were blessed to see and experience.

Part 2 Why Greta and I are thankful

During this virus, it’s hard to find a silver lining. Let me tell you one of the reasons we are thankful.

We had planned to take a 10-day Amtrak train trip to Seattle and back to visit Greta’s niece and my cousin, who both live in the Seattle area. Tickets were paid for, hotel reservations made. We were leaving March 7. About a week before, the virus was cropping up in Seattle. We had the common sense to cancel our trip—or at least postpone it—until the virus goes away. We are so thankful that we didn’t go.

Stay well, be positive, help people in need, but keep your distance. Remember, there are lots of lonely seniors out there. Give them a call or send them a text or email.

And speaking of reaching out to old friends, on Tuesday, I telephoned astronaut Joe Allen, a former fraternity brother of mine I’ve known for 63 years, who is living in Indiana.

Joe’s a former astronaut, who went into space twice, in 1982 and 1984. In an EVA (extravehicular activity), also known as a spacewalk, conducted outside of the spacecraft, Joe retrieved a satellite. And held it, as the spacecraft traversed the earth. Pretty courageous stuff.

We talked for over an hour. It gave us both a big lift.

Picture of Joe Allen (upper right) and crew members – Space Shuttle 51-A

Photo courtesy of NASA

So that’s it for this week. The world will get through this enormous challenge.

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 13, 2020

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash, an elegant, long-time friend

by Columnist Tom Blake

On Saturday night, March 7, I had a reunion with an elegant, long-time friend. I’ve written about her before, after seeing her at previous reunions. This reunion was so special, I was moved to share it with readers.

Don’t get the wrong idea. My partner of 22 years, Greta, was at my side. And as a special treat to me, so were my sisters Pam and Christine.

The reunion took place at the intimate and wonderful Poway Center for the Performing Arts, located in the quaint city of Poway, California, 23 miles northeast of San Diego, and about an hour’s drive from our home in south Orange County.

And why do I refer to it as a reunion? Because I’ve known this woman for 43 years, met her when she was about 21. Her name is Rosanne Cash, a multi-Grammy Award winner, and a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame.

And if her last name has a familiar ring, it’s because Rosanne is the eldest daughter of the late Johnny Cash. That connection is how I met her.

In the mid-1970s, when I was the marketing director for the boxcar and caboose Victoria Station restaurant chain, I hired Johnny and worked with him for two years. He was our company spokesperson and sang our radio commercials. I also co-produced the Destination Victoria Station record album with Johnny Cash.

Needless to say, on the album, Johnny did 99.9 percent of the work; I just approved the songs that were featured on the album. He did the singing.

In July 1989, my sister Pam and I were photographed with Johnny, at Humphreys by the Bay in San Diego, a cozy concert venue next to the water with a plethora of yachts berthed alongside.

Tom Johnny Cash Pam Blake Peters

July 19, 1989, at Humphreys by the Bay – San Diego

When I published “Middle Aged and Dating Again,” my first book in 1997, Johnny endorsed the back cover with these words:

“In the 20 years I have known Tom Blake, he has become an authority on dating and relationships.”

I’m not sure how Johnny knew that, but I happily accepted his endorsement.

Because my sister Pam was with us last Saturday night, I printed out a copy of that 31-year-old photo of us with Johnny and gave it to Rosanne backstage after the show Saturday night.

Handing the above photo to Rosanne

Minutes later, a new photo was taken of Pam, Chris, Rosanne, me and Greta.

Pam Christine Rosanne Tom Greta

March 7, 2020, Poway Center for the Performing Arts

In the last ten years, Greta and I have seen Rosanne, along with her husband/co-writer/producer and arranger John Leventhal, in concert five times, including last Saturday.

When Leventhal saw us backstage Saturday night, he said, “And who are you guys?” I surmised that Rosanne hadn’t briefed John that the Blake clan would be visiting backstage.

John Leventhal and Tom’s sister Christine

The Poway Center for the Performing Arts is a fun place in which to see a concert. It’s small, 797 seats. The ushers are pleasant, friendly and helpful. Michael Rennie, President and CEO of Poway OnStage, greeted us warmly and was accommodating by leading us backstage after the performance.

Check out their website for upcoming shows: www.PowayOnStage.org. And, unheard of these days, the parking is free!

The audience was mesmerized by Rosanne. Her voice is clear and beautiful. Her stage presence and mannerisms are gentle and polished. Her songs are personal, sang as if she’s telling a story that she experienced.

Leventhal is a master guitar player and joins in on limited vocals. He and Rosanne have been married 25 years. They have fun together on stage. They played without an intermission for 90 minutes.

It’s evident that Rosanne loves the United States; she mentioned unity for our country several times. My sisters were deeply moved by her performance.

She sang “Ode to Billie Joe,” as beautifully as Bobbie Gentry did, when Gentry made it a hit in 1967. At the song’s conclusion, Rosanne said, “That song was recorded 53-years-ago, and people are still trying to figure out what Billie Joe was throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.” Her comment triggered a huge laugh from the audience.

Rosanne’s rendition of “The Long Black Veil” was spellbinding. She sang “Tennessee Flat Top Box,” which her dad wrote, and she performed “Sea of Heartbreak,” an old Don Gibson tune.

She ended the concert with her 1981 hit song “Seven Year Ache.”

The applause brought she and hubby John back for an encore; she sang “Wayfaring Stranger” from the Ken Burns 2019 Country Music documentary, a tune her father had also made popular.

Add a future Rosanne Cash concert to your bucket list, it will be one of the most enjoyable 90 minutes of your life.

Her website: www.RosanneCash.com.

END

This article appeared in an edited version of the online edition of the San Clemente Times newspaper on March 18, 2020. Scroll to page 17: http://www.sanclementetimes.com

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Widower gives widower dating advice to senior women

March 6, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Widower gives widower dating advice to senior women

Lately, I’ve been receiving some terrific emails from men, discussing what they’ve learned in their dating experiences. Most of the men are widowers. Over the next few weeks, I plan to share a few of the widower emails with you.

What has been refreshing–in almost all the emails–is the men have expressed understanding, empathy and respect for single women and what the women go through.

Today, Randy, 73, Fort Lauderdale, reflects on senior dating:

Randy wrote: ”Although I haven’t been on the dating scene for a while–due to finding and marrying my life partner–I feel I have a slightly different perspective on senior dating compared to what other people have posted.

“During my 15 years of dating as a widower, I was on nearly every popular dating website there is and dated multiple women. A significant number of them had some very creative, misleading and sometimes false data or pictures in their profiles. I also had some false information in mine.

“Although I used current pictures, I initially put my age down as 3-4 years younger than actual. Having guilt problems with this, I attempted to change it but, as another Champ stated in a recent eNewsletter, the primary dating website I was using did not allow that. I ended up deleting this profile and generating an ‘honest’ one!

“With all this dating and the associated creative profiles, I never had one bad date and developed several great friendships that exist even to this day.

“Why? I never went on a date with a long-term relationship primarily in mind. I went with the object of meeting a new and interesting person, who, regardless of chemistry, would make my life a little fuller and more interesting (besides, I hate to eat alone!).

“Nearly everybody on the dating scene can tell if that magic chemistry is there within the first five minutes. If chemistry is not there, I suggest attempting to draw the person in, to find if there are some common areas of interests–be it vocation, advocation, family, and yes, even politics.

“Everyone likes to talk about themselves and you might be surprised at how many times this results in a catalyst for that magical chemistry. If not, perhaps you’ve instead made a new friend!

“Bottom line: don’t treat a first meeting as an interview for a life partner, rather treat it as a chance to add a new and interesting facet to your life.”

Tom’s comment: In last week’s eNewsletter, Susie, Virginia, was quoted: “I have been tempted to put down a younger age. I just turned 78 and look years younger and act it too, but I feel my age is holding me back to meet men.

“I have always dated and married men that were five to 10 years younger than I, but now it seems men are not interested in a woman my age. What give’s Tom?”

In referring to Susie’s question, Randy stated, “A suggestion for Susie and those ladies in her circumstance: Many men like to date younger women or at least, those very near their own age and thus ‘screen’ potential dates accordingly.

“A man 75 will probably search for his preference between 60 and maybe 75. Not 75 to 80. Since someone like you, Susie, might be excluded, I found that many ‘young-feeling’ women do indeed put their mental age down in the profile, BUT, they admit the truth in the wording of the profile.

For example, ‘All my friends and acquaintances remark on how active I am and tell me I look and act like I’m 65, not my actual age of 78!’

“I found this to not only be acceptable, but it piqued my personal interest.

“I did not meet my new young bride (seven-years younger) on a dating site. She was a very distant acquaintance who just called me up and invited me on a date. Two years later, she agreed to be my wife and we celebrated our second anniversary last October!

“Advice to women: don’t be afraid to take the initiative!

“The past dating scene seems much like the present dating scene. I still maintain friendships with several of my previous special ladies and along with my bride’s friends, my bride and I hear the woes of dating often. We empathize and sympathize with them and wish there were both more and better male candidates. Unfortunately, it is what it is!

“Among my single male friends, I find a declining dating interest even in those who are still out there. The financial issue is one factor. I have at least two friends who have confided that they just can’t afford the high cost of dating. Also, I guess as testosterone levels go down, they just don’t feel dating is worth the effort.”

Tom’s comment: A declining interest in dating by older men can make the ratio of single women compared to single men even greater than statistics indicate it to be. To women, some of those men might be perceived as non-relationship material.

Randy concluded: “What I suggest to the ladies: invite your friend of interest over for a home-cooked dinner. Bachelors get tired of eating out. If a first date, include another couple for safety which should also keep the conversation going.”

Randy’s email and advice reminded me of a photo I took from a bus, in Edinburgh, Scotland, last September. It’s not a romantic waterfall, or a romantic walk on the beach, but a simple, warm message that reminds us to treat everybody with dignity and respect, even if they aren’t going to become a mate:

Love All, Serve All @ the HardRock Cafe in Edinburgh. Among all of the history in this incredible city, the message above the windows touched Greta and me the most. Photo by Tom Blake

Lying about age on senior dating profile

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 7, February 14, 2020

Is Lying about age on senior dating profile acceptable?

by Columnist Tom Blake

This week, Champ Arlene, mid-60s, shared a story about a man who contacted her on a senior dating website. His profile stated he was 71, close enough in age, she felt, to be a potential mate.

Arlene emailed, “The guy wrote that he’d like to meet me at Starbucks. His photo looked ok. The location was near where I live so I agreed.

“He lives about 20 miles from me. I was sitting outside waiting for him, even though it was a bit chilly. When he walked up, he seemed much older than his photo.

“He had seen in my profile a picture of me on a cruise. He asked if I liked to cruise, to which I replied: ‘Yes, it’s my favorite thing to do.’

“He told me he’d been in the Navy and on many ships. I asked if it was during the Viet Nam War; he told me it was during the Korean War. Since I’m a Baby Boomer, guys in my age group were in the Viet Nam War, NOT the Korean War.

“I reminded him that his senior dating profile stated he was 71. He told me he’d ‘fudged’ his age a bit; he was 81! I let him ramble on for an hour about himself then told him I had many errands and had to leave.

“He had the nerve to contact me online again the next day. I told him we were not a match and that 81 was NOT 71!

“These guys never stop trying.”

Chris and Tina told the truth about their ages 15 years ago and the truth paid off. They married in 2017. He’s early 80s; Tina’s late 70s.

I wondered why he lied to Arlene. I pondered what he may have thought; I’m only guessing but perhaps it was something along this line.

He saw her profile on the senior dating website. Her picture appealed to him; he found her attractive. She lived close enough to him that dating her would be convenient.

He thought her interests and hobbies meshed with his. After all, he had been in the Navy onboard ships and he had noticed that profile picture of her on the cruise ship.

Perhaps she had the characteristics he sought in a mate. From her profile, it appeared to him they could be a good match.

There was just one problem, of which he was oh-so aware–probably because he had experienced it previously, more than once–he was too old for her.

If he listed his true age, he wouldn’t get a date with Arlene because she was more than 10 years younger.

Maybe he was convinced that if he could just get to meet Arlene face-to-face, she might think he was so wonderful, that their 10-to-17-year age difference (whichever it was), wouldn’t matter. He may have thought he was being creative and didn’t think he was kidding himself or being delusional.

To improve his chances of getting a date with Arlene, he simply shaved 10 (or more) years off his true age, on his profile.

Technically, he was lying. But he believed it was just a little white lie. Besides, he promised himself that he’d reveal his true age when they met, after, of course, he’d had a chance to show her what a potentially great catch he’d be. Is lying to get one’s foot in the door wrong?

Perhaps he knew from previous experiences that the only way to get first dates with younger women was to lie on his profile.

Again, I can’t say if this is how his thinking went, or if any of my above speculation is true, but, I imagine, some of it is.

Christine Baumgartner, an Orange County dating and relationship coach, once told me, “When I work with my clients, I always insist they tell the truth about themselves, including their age. It’s very important not to lie.”

Some senior singles say, if people lie about their age, anything they say might be suspect.

I responded to Arlene: “He may have even been fudging a bit more. The Korean War was between 1950-1953. If he was, let’s say, 17, in 1950, that would make him approximately 87 now. If he was 17 in 1953, he’d be about 84 now. If he was older than 17 during the Korean War, he could be in his late 80s now.”

Lying about one’s age isn’t acceptable. Besides, the truth will emerge sooner or later.

Oh, and did I mention, I’m 64? Well, at least I once was!
****
Anecdote about age. As I was preparing this eNewsletter, Greta said, “An article I’m reading says Johnny Mathis is 83, Engelbert Humperdinck is 83, Tony Bennett ,94, and Clint Eastwood is 89.” I thought, oh my gosh, that can’t be possible.

The next Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point, California, will be Thursday, February 27, 2020, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH, Dana Point, from 5 to 7 p.m. Admission free, appetizers free, beer and wine per glass $6.

Why I keep Valentine’s Day low-key

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 5, January 31, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

There are 3 parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part One – Why I keep Valentine’s Day low-key

Recently, a buddy said, “As the On Life and Love After 50 columnist, what plans do you have for you and Greta to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year?”

I think he expected to hear me describe something fancy such as a romantic evening for us at one of the nearby 5-star hotels. Two of them, the Monarch Beach Resort, and, the Ritz Carlton, are within walking distance of our Monarch Beach, California, home.

I hadn’t thought about our plans for Valentine’s Day—Greta and I hadn’t even discussed it–so I replied, “We’ll probably stay home.”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I added, “We might splurge by preparing a lobster dinner with spinach salad, and sip on a glass of Churn, my favorite chardonnay, topped off with a piece or two of See’s candy. We’ll probably be in the sack by 10 p.m.

House rule: Maximum two pieces per person per box opening

Surprised at the modest plan, he questioned, “Churn chardonnay?”

“Yup, my favorite chardonnay,” I said. “Seven bucks a bottle at Trader Joe’s.”

I added, “I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Granted, it’s good for the economy. However, greeting-card companies, restaurants, candy makers and flower shops mount such an overwhelming marketing blitz, I feel it takes some of the romance out of Valentine’s Day.

“Similar to New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day can make people without a mate lonelier than they already are. That’s why I avoid making Valentine’s Day a big deal in my columns. I don’t want the lonely people to feel worse.”

My friend’s questions reminded me that when I was younger, I experienced some lonely Valentine’s Days.

In a column I wrote in 1996, I said this about that day:

“I’ve taken a few romantic hits lately: divorce, rejection, etc. Funny how sometimes life drags us through the gutter before it starts to improve.

“But, even though there’s no one special in my life on this 1996 Valentine’s Day, most importantly, I have my health, a nice roof over my head, and a job where I can eat when I’m hungry (that’s when I owned Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point).”

In June, 1998, two years after writing that article, I met Greta, so the “no one special in my life” situation changed.

To Greta and me, every day is Valentine’s Day, so we don’t make a big deal out of February 14. We appreciate very much what we have.

We both enjoy great families, and lots of wonderful friends. And nice readers like you.

I think the most thoughtful thing people can do on Valentine’s Day is to reach out to those who may be spending the day alone. They might be lonely. Invite them to join you and your friends for lunch or dinner. Share the love of the day with them.

And look after them the rest of the year. Loneliness isn’t just a Valentine’s Day reality. It’s year around.

The best thing about Valentine’s Day—it’s a day of giving, just like Thanksgiving–making other people feel special and loved.

Oh, and by the way, a rose or an orchid is always appreciated.

Yellow rose from my garden this week

Part 2 – Devastated – Losing Kobe Bryant

I try to always put a positive spin on these eNewsletters. But, this week, it’s been a challenge. On Sunday morning, at home, I was walking down the steps from upstairs, when Greta looked at me sadly. I knew something was wrong. She shared news that rocked me to my core: “Kobe has been killed in a crash.”

Kobe Bryant, to us, was, of course, a person who gave us years of basketball enjoyment with the LA Lakers. But much more than that, he was an incredible human being with ties to our little city of Dana Point. He and Vanessa were married in St. Edwards Catholic Church here. Kobe is a household word in Southern California, especially in Los Angeles and Orange County.

He was kind, humble and loved children. He gave to many charities.

And the eight others who also died in that helicopter crash were all from Orange County—including Kobe’s daughter and the baseball coach at Orange Coast College, and that coach’s family and a few of his friends.

I will never forget where I was when I heard the Kobe news–coming down my steps at home. I’ve never forgotten where I was when Greta informed me about 9-11, or when I was in the engine room of the USS Noble off the coast of Guam during the Viet Nam War when the news of JFK’s passing was announced over the ship’s speakers.

So, excuse me for getting personal today. You are my friends and I wanted to share that with you.