Since 1994, Tom Blake has been a newspaper columnist on the topic of finding love after 50
Author: Tom Blake
Tom Blake is a newspaper columnist in south Orange County, California. He has published five books. His primary topic is finding love after 50 and beyond, sometimes far beyond, for people 80 and older as well. He also blogs about travel at TravelAfter55.com.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 3, 2020 The Loyalty of Champs
by Columnist Tom Blake
My newspaper-column writing has an anniversary this week: 26 years. The first article was published on July 7, 1994; it was titled, “Home alone with only dogs for company.”
Six years later, I started writing eNewsletters. Combining the newspaper articles and eNewsletters, I estimate I’ve written approximately 4,300 pieces.
Some Champs have been subscribers for nearly 20 years. Their loyalty amazes and pleases me. Today, I share Beckie’s story; she’s been a Champ for 12 years.
In 2009, Beckie first emailed
Beckie’s story was told in the August 28, 2009 newsletter, which was titled “Old flames reunite after 41 years.”
Excerpts from that 2009 newsletter follow:
“Beckie, Raleigh, North Carolina, signed up for this newsletter after attending a presentation I made at last year’s (2008) AARP National Event & Expo in Washington, D.C.
“Three and a half years ago, at age 56, Rick, Beckie’s husband, died, having lived with ALS for five years. They had married 36 years before while attending Colorado State University (CSU).”
In that 2009 newsletter, Beckie was quoted: “Being alone had become my new normal. But I did not want to spend the rest of my life alone. Finding someone online seemed unlikely. Instead, I thought about Ray, a man I had gone out with my freshman and sophomore years at CSU.
“In the summer of 2008, I found Ray on LinkedIn, thought about contacting him, but wasn’t ready. After Christmas, I emailed him, which started an email correspondence.
“The more we corresponded, the more we found we had in common—a similar sense of humor, values, love of words, how we handle money and various likes and dislikes.
“In March, Ray flew to Raleigh, took me out on a Saturday night and left on Sunday. We found we still had chemistry in addition to a strong friendship we had been building.
“We’ve spent numerous long weekends seeing each other. We celebrated our 60th birthdays together. He is three weeks older. My children are happy for me.
“I know Rick would be happy too. During his illness, Rick had jokingly said numerous times that he would pick out my next husband for me. He would be surprised that he in fact knew the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.
“The relationship with Ray grows stronger as the days and months pass. We are both practical people. We have looked for but found no red flags. Being together is natural. We are very thankful we found each other again.”
Four years later in 2013
On June 28, 2013, after reading that day’s newsletter, which was titled, “Older singles’ dilemma: marriage, live together, live separately?” Beckie emailed me.
She wrote, “What is the consensus of what to call the person you are living with if you have no plans to marry?
“Our reason to not marry is I would lose my late husband’s pension. ‘Boyfriend’ sounds juvenile for a 60-year-old. When I was younger, I never thought I’d be living with someone unless we were married, even though I grew up in the 1960s. But who knew how circumstances would color that thought?”
I responded to Beckie: “I am pleased that you’ve had the good sense not to remarry, which would have meant sacrificing the pension.”
Seven years later June 25, 2020
Two weeks ago, Beckie responded to the “Don’t let the old man in” column.
She emailed, “Ray and I have been together for 11 years and lived together for 10. We are both 70, valiantly trying not to let the “old man” or “old woman” in.
Beckie and Ray–together for 11 years
“Ray plays guitar; he learned to play Toby Keith’s song, ‘Don’t let the old man in.’ He will share it with his Meetup.com guitar group when they can safely get together again.”
I appreciate the loyalty of Beckie and our history of keeping in touch: 2009, 2013, and now in 2020. I hope similar history can be recreated with other Champs who have been with me for years.
Oh, by the way, to answer Beckie’s 2013 question: what do living-together lovers call each other when not married? How about: “My meant to-be mate?” (MMTBM)
Part 2 – July 4, 2020
On Wednesday, a gentleman named Robert sent me an email. The subject line: JOHNNY CASH & That Ragged Old Flag
Robert’s email included a download of Johnny being interviewed by radio and TV personality Ralph Emery, in which Emery asks Johnny if he would speak the words of the song, “Grand Old Flag,” which Johnny wrote in 1975. I went online and found that entire segment, including Johnny’s opinion about flag burning, of which I had never heard Johnny speak in the two years I worked with him (link to video below).
I wrote back to Robert: “Thanks for sending that. I personally was present when Johnny sang that song, many, many times. So, as we approach the 4th, you made my entire week and weekend. I am so blessed to have known Johnny and June and to have heard him sing the song live.
“That was long, long, ago. In 1976, a year after Johnny wrote Grand Old Flag, I first met John and June. Sometimes, I sit and wonder if it really happened to me. Here’s proof it did, in the parking lot of the Victoria Station restaurant, Miami, Florida.
June, Johnny holding John Carter, and Tom photo by Tom
Happy 4th Robert!
HAPPY JULY 4TH. Remember to wear masks and social distance if you are watching the fireworks (if not canceled. Ours in Dana Point, Ca., were canceled). COVID-19 doesn’t disappear at night. And all of the “ooh’s” and “ah’s” and lack of wind could make the situation even more contagious if too close to others.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 26, 2020
by Columnist Tom Blake
Responses to Don’t let the old man in
Last Friday morning, Greta asked, “How was the response from Champs to the ‘Don’t Let The Old Man In’ eNewsletter today?”
I said, “It’s too early to know.”
I am never certain how an eNewsletter is going to be received. There are times when I feel that the message is helpful and Champs will like it—and yet, only a few responses trickle in. And there are times when I say to myself, “This isn’t my best effort,” and the responses are positive and plentiful.
Last week’s issue was no different; I didn’t know how Champs would respond to the Toby Keith and Clint Eastwood “Don’t let the old man in” story. However, that uncertainty quickly evaporated as positive responses filled my inbox. Champs liked it! Here are several responses, plus my comments to each one.
Wayne emailed, “Good advice. My brother played golf with Toby Keith at Clint’s tournament when this exchange took place.
Tom’s comment: “Wow, small world. What a day that must have been for your brother.”
Barbara, “Thank you for posting that video. It got me out of a slight slump. I saw the movie ‘The Mule’ and love anything Clint Eastwood does.
“I also wanted to tell you I read your 84 Days Through Europe in a VW bus Summer 1960 travel ebook; it brought back many memories for me about that summer. I turned 20 in July 1960, and got married in August and came to California for our honeymoon.
“Two years later, we drove across the country and moved to California for good. I’ve been a widow for 25 years and learned to live alone. I enjoy your weekly eNewsletter.”
Tom’s comment: “Good to hear you got out of the slump. It’s easy to slip into a slump during these trying times. And I’m pleased you enjoyed the “84 Days” book—you and I were the same age that summer (and, of course, we still are, now 60-years later).”
Marilou, “Thank you!”
Tom’s comment: “Greta and I enjoyed meeting you and your friend Pat on that Iceland, Greenland and Scotland 22-day cruise last August. We are thankful that we got the trip in before COVID-19 surfaced. We won’t do another cruise for a while, but not saying ‘never.’”
Marilou, Tom, Pat, and Greta on the cruise – August 2019
Thyrza, “A timely reminder especially during this time. This pandemic makes us feel old since life as we knew it is curtailed.
“I went for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory with my two grandchildren and son and daughter. It felt so good and right to be out.
“My guy friend and I drove along Pacific Coast Highway to Laguna Beach. I was teary-eyed to see throngs of people enjoying the beauty of nature and freedom. I can’t believe a virus can take away our freedom, just like that. So yes, keep the old person out!”
Tom’s comment: “Good on you, for getting out and about. (Just continue to do it safely).”
Ben, “I totally agree with Clint Eastwood; Get up each morning with gratitude-get out of yourself and help others. KEEP MOVING, and get out of the house. I walked 3-4 miles today, found out the gym was open- went over there and did the Stair Climber- I have a long way to go…One day at a time…Walk, pick up recycling- share the $$ with charity. Make a difference in your own way.”
Tom’s comment: “Ben, you are doing great. Admirable! Love your spirit; love your attitude.”
Gloria, “I’m still weeping – It’s so emotional for me as a healthy, spunky 81-year-young women and a crybaby letting ‘it’ out so it doesn’t sink ‘in.’ Love all your messages. I’d like a nice ‘older man’ at my door.”
Tom’s comment: Maybe we can find one to be at your door.
Gloria (part 2): “I can dream, can’t I? I’m a singer and can also sing YOU’RE A SWEETHEART to you. I met you at a conference in another life. Not sure which conference. Had to be Florida. Followed you ever since. So I’ll put in my order for the front-door man: fun, healthy and into all kinds of music – especially Broadway. I’m lucky; I’m plucky (a poet too). I so appreciate your response. Not holding my breath for that knock on my door.”
Tom’s comment: “That conference might have been an AARP Convention on the East Coast. I have been a speaker at them on occasion.”
Mary Lou (not the same Marilou as above), “I didn’t get a political ad when I clicked on the link – instead, funny enough, it was an advertisement about the bar exam – which you may remember I am a tutor for.
“I forwarded the link to my 80-year-old brother who never lets the old man in, and my 76-year-old favorite-boy-cousin (I always tell him that and he says he’s my only boy-cousin – lol. Not true, he’s my only boy-cousin on my dad’s side, but I have eight boy-cousins on my mom’s side.)
“Here’s to not letting the old man and/or the old woman in.”
Tom’s comment: “That’s funny about the tutoring ad. What are the chances of that coincidence happening? Might be cookies YouTube uses to track people’s interests.”
Joy, “Loved it! That was so heartwarming! Thank you for all you and Greta do for us kids!”
Tom: “Kids? Oh my gosh, Joy. You made our day.”
Gail, “Yes, keeping the old lady out is always a struggle! Although, I keep parts, like being honest with people. Stay strong.
“I am still living in Bishop (California, eastern slope of the Sierra Mountains). We are getting swamped by out-of-towners- some who are real jerks not wearing masks. Granddaughter Emma just turned 15.”
Tom’s comment: “Greta and I met with Gail and Emma seven-years ago. We had breakfast together in Bishop at Jack’s, a great coffee shop right on Highway 395. Can’t believe the lovely Emma is 15.”
Tom, Gail, and Greta with Emma in front – 2013
Update: I wonder if Gail felt that powerful 5.8 magnitude earthquake in the Owens Valley Wednesday? That was close to Bishop.
Terry, aka, the funny plumber (Thailand), 80ish, said: “Don’t Let the Old Man in” is great. I was talking with a girl at the market yesterday. She said: ‘I want to get married.’”
I asked: “How old are you?”
She replied: “27.”
My response: “Well, you are too old for me.”
“Love from the ‘Golden Triangle’ (Thailand, Laos, Myanmar).”
Tom’s comment: “Terry was only joking, of course. He has the lovely Daeng as his partner. She’s more than ‘young enough’ for him!”
(Terry, part 2), “We are happy that no COVID-19 virus has been in our area. Folks in this area still wear masks and try to be careful. Thailand ranks second-best in the world out of 184 countries for ongoing COVID-19 recovery.
Kathy, “Just had to write and let you know how much I enjoyed the article about Clint Eastwood and don’t let the old man in. I think that was one of your best advice columns ever. Whether it applies to dating or just to everyday attitude, it is spot on!
“I am having knee surgery on Wednesday and had a COVID-19 test yesterday so I have to self-isolate until the surgery on Wednesday. However, just the thought of being able to walk better makes it all worthwhile.”
Note from Tom: “Kathy used to live in our Dana Point neighborhood. Now she lives 3,000 miles away in Florida. We hope her surgery went well.”
Andree, “Thank you for sharing Clint Eastwood’s movie, and Toby’s song. I saw the movie and loved it. I’ve enjoyed Eastwood and his movies for many years. And I loved Toby Keith and his voice for years, and, have his CDs.
The “Don’t Let The Old Man In,” is so true and I try to remember what to do each morning I wake up. At 71, I know life is short and I have to stay positive, have a good attitude, and love life one day at a time.”
Tom’s comment: “At 71, Andree, you have many, many years ahead of you. You’re a young one. Keep doing as you’re doing!”
Mark,” This was great. I hadn’t heard about it.”
Tom’s comment: “Two years ago, Greta and I had the honor to locate and photograph Mark’s parents’ gravestones in American Samoa. It meant a lot to us, and it meant a lot to him. Having met several of you Champs in person makes writing about life after 50 even more special for Greta and me.
Tom at Mark’s parents graves in American Samoa – 2018
Beckie, “I had seen the previews for ‘The Mule’ before it was released but the subject matter didn’t look terribly intriguing, although I do like Clint Eastwood. I do agree with the advice ‘Don’t let the old man (or woman) in.’
“So based on your recommendation (and Greta’s), we watched the movie. It was very good. All kinds of lessons are there–food for thought. Ray, (her sig. other) plays guitar and he decided to learn how to play the song, “Don’t let the Old Man In” and share it with his guitar group. Of course, with the pandemic, the weekly guitar group meet-up he has attended for several years hasn’t met since March.
“Some of them have met on Zoom weekly, but it just isn’t the same. It’s impossible to play together–they just talk. A couple of weeks ago the leader of the group invited a small group over to his house to play in the driveway (sitting on chairs..) socially distanced. That worked out pretty well.
“Then he had another idea. We have a new multi-level parking deck attached to our new library. Why not bring chairs and meet to play in the garage? Five of them met Tuesday night. They took playing together to a whole new level.. Again they practiced social distancing. They were outside so no masks were needed. Ray hasn’t shared the song yet, but he will.
“So thanks for the recommendation! Stay well and thanks for writing your weekly column. Ray and I have been together for 11 years now and lived together for 10. We’re both 70 but are valiantly trying not to let the “old man” or “old woman” in.
“We live in North Carolina now. We went out for a year in college in Colorado (1967) but married others. Three years after my husband died from ALS in 2006 I looked Ray up on LinkedIn and we reconnected. I think you wrote a column about us in 2010.”
What happened to Champ Nancy?
I received an email from Mail Chimp–the server I use to deliver the eNewsletters–that revealed Champ Nancy had unsubscribed. I knew she had been a Champ for more than four years and opened nearly every eNewsletter. Hence, I thought it was strange she would unsubscribe, when, the other responses were so positive. So, I sent her an email just to ensure she hadn’t canceled accidentally.
Nancy replied, “I love your weekly newsletter and would never on purpose unsubscribe. I loved the Toby Keith video. I sent it to a dear friend who is 90. I think I re-subscribed from my phone again, but if I didn’t do it right, I am sorry.”
I checked. Nancy had pushed the right buttons, and she’s with us once again, after an absence of only a few hours.
If any of you find you aren’t receiving the eNewsletter, you may have accidentally removed yourself. Resubmit on the home page of
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 19, 2020
Thomas P. Blake author and columnist
Don’t Let The Old Man In
While staring at my computer, pondering what advice I could share with Champs this week, with COVID-19 still a concern although restrictions have been eased somewhat, an email sent from my partner Greta, arrived in my inbox.
Moments later, Greta, sitting at her desk a few feet away, said, “Did you get my email? It’s a video with a message that you might want to share with your readers.”
When I saw the subject line: “Don’t let the old man in,” I thought Greta had sent me a subtle hint that she’d seen enough of me during this challenging stay-at-home time.
The email explained that the word “man” could be replaced by the word “woman.” For instance, “Don’t let the old woman in.”In other words, the message applied to seniors of either gender.
I watched the four-minute, two-second video, which featured multiple scenes of Clint Eastwood from a movie he starred in, and produced two years ago. He’s now 90.
According to the video, Eastwood and country-music singer Toby Keith were playing golf together at a Pebble Beach charity event two years ago. During the round of golf, Eastwood said to Keith: “I turn 88 on Monday.”
Keith said, “What are you going to do?”
Eastwood replied, “I am going to shoot a movie,” adding that filming was starting in two days.
Keith said, “What keeps you going?”
Eastwood replied, “I get up every day and don’t let the old man in.”
Later that day at home, inspired by Eastwood’s relentless energy, Keith wrote a song, titled, “Don’t Let The Old Man In.” He hoped Eastwood would like it.
Not only did the actor like it, Eastwood felt he had a spot in the movie where the song would fit in.
Toby Kieth and Clint Eastwood photo courtesy of Billboard
A video was created by Lone Wolf Media, narrated by Keith, and featuring his song. After I watched the video, I thought Greta’s right. My readers might like this as an inspiration to keep on moving and living, regardless of their age and later-in-life challenges.
Yes, COVID-19 had slowed us all down, and made senior dating difficult, but I felt the video might encourage single seniors to not give up on meeting a mate.
I forwarded the video to my sister Pam, in San Diego. She replied, “The footage in the video is from ‘The Mule,’ a movie Eastwood produced and directed in 2018. Great movie, you and Greta would enjoy it.”
I read about The Mule online. It’s based on a true story about an 85-year-old WWII veteran who was down and out; he tried to help himself get back on his feet by becoming a courier for a Mexican drug cartel, transporting contraband in his old truck, and later a SUV, in larger and larger amounts.
During the video, there are a few quotes by Eastwood that I felt might be appropriate for our senior readers, to inspire them to remain positive, particularly, during the current difficult times. I am in no way advocating that they become drug smugglers or do anything illegal to get themselves back on their feet.
One quote: “Get up and go outside. Don’t Let the Old Man In.”
Another: “Stay close to your friends.”
And a third: “Look out your window and smile. Don’t Let the Old Man In.”
In other words, get out there and live. Try to get the body moving. For some, as we age, it becomes more difficult to walk around the block or negotiate stairs and steps. Do the best you can. Use a cane; use a walker. Just do it.
I recommend the Lone Wolf Productions video, “Don’t Let the Old Man (or Woman) In.”
Greta and I watched the movie “The Mule” online. The “Don’t Let The Old Man In” song is at the end of the movie when credits are being shown.
Note about the link below. The first time I tested it, a political advertisement appeared. I simply clicked on skip ad. I wanted to use this particular link because it captures Toby Keith’s version so nicely. So, if any ad appears, you can skip it. I hope you realize I avoid all politics in this column.
On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – June 12, 2020
by Columnist Thomas P Blake
There are three parts to today’s eNewsletter
Part 1 – Senior couple stranded in Antigua 2+ months during COVID-19
I wondered over the last several weeks if any of our Champs had been stuck somewhere, unable to get home. My answer came from Francesca, who emailed to thank me for providing the free download a few weeks ago of the ebook, Italy, 23 Days by Train.
In the email, she added, “We happen to be ‘stranded’ in Antigua (a Caribbean island), with the only airport having been closed for some time.”
I wrote back to Francesca, “If you don’t mind, and have time, can you tell our Champs about your ‘being stranded’ experience, and tell us a bit about you as a couple.” Francesca and I exchanged several emails. Today’s eNewsletter is lengthy, but informative and well stated by Francesca.
She wrote, “I’m not a writer, just a retired educator, so here goes. Antigua is undoubtedly the best place to be stranded, but home calls. (Burbank, California-me; Lake Arrowhead, California area-Dan).
“With the Antigua airport finally reopened, we flew back to Los Angeles yesterday.
“Dan, 75, and I, 73, met on Match. We’ve been together two years and hope to make it last for many more.
“When we realized we weren’t going home in April as planned, we didn’t have to change our accommodations. We were able to pay rent on a month-to-month basis. We’ve had to stay two extra months plus a few days.
“Dan has a small medical billing business; he can take his work with him as long as there’s wi-fi and Internet, which I can also use. It’s been an adventure here.
“For the last three years, Dan has rented a one-bedroom apartment in Antigua during the winter months. He lives in the San Bernardino Mountains and likes to get away to a warm climate, away from the snow and ice.
“Dan arrived in Antigua mid-January, with a return ticket to LA on April 8. For the past two years, I’ve joined him for the last month of his stay. I arrived March 4, planning a month of enjoying the island and relaxing on the beach. But then COVID-19 came along, and things changed.
“In late March, to contain the virus, the Antiguan government closed all entry points to the island, including the one and only airport. They then put into place numerous severe restrictions, the most difficult of which was a 24-hour curfew where we couldn’t leave our hotel except for trips to the grocery store. We couldn’t go to the beach. Antiguans boast that they have 365 beaches; every one of them was closed.
“It was rough going for a while. Especially hard was that we have a beautiful little beach within a 15-minute walk from our place, but we couldn’t even ‘visit’ it, let alone enjoy swimming and snorkeling. Eventually, they lifted the curfew hours; but it was in effect from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. We were able to visit our beach, and swim and snorkel as much as we wanted.
“We still had inconveniences with groceries and such. We’re in a ‘hotel,’ but it’s really an apartment complex, with 10 one-bedroom apartments, each with a full kitchen. We didn’t have too much trouble with groceries when I first arrived. The closest grocery store is about a mile away. We don’t have a car, so I used to walk there every few days to pick up a couple of things that we needed. It was a nice walk and good exercise.
“The route took me through the back gate of Jolly Harbour, a nearby community that serves foreign travelers, but they always let us through. That is, until COVID-19 came along.
“At that point, they closed the back gate to everyone. Then, it got tough. Getting groceries became a major planning event. We couldn’t walk there anymore; the only way to get to the store on foot was a 3.5-mile trek one-way. Without a car, we paid Mr. Hunt, the maintenance man at our hotel, to drive us to the store. We could no longer decide on the spur-of-the-moment to go pick up a few things.”
In an earlier email, Francesca wrote, “Our Mr. Hunt has been a godsend. He’s a native Antiguan and seems to know everyone in town. Just ask him about anything concerning the local community, and he’ll catch you up on the latest news. Theoretically, he speaks English, but we think he actually speaks a combination of English and the Antiguan patois.
“When he speaks to you, you can catch one or two English words, but you have to do a lot of guessing to find out what he’s really saying. He knows he’s not always understandable, so he peppers his conversations with ‘You understand what I mean?’ He’s just a sweetheart of a guy. If you ask him to do anything for you, he immediately answers, ‘No problem, no problem, no problem.’ We couldn’t get along without him.
“At one point during our stay, the grocery stores were only open from 7 a.m. to noon, so we had to make sure we got there early. The first time I went to the grocery store when those hours were in effect, there was a huge line of people waiting to get into the store. They were letting in only a few at a time, and they were giving out numbers.
“Some people waited three hours to get in. I had been told there was a ‘senior line,’ so I played the senior age card and had to wait only about 10 min.
“However, and I didn’t know this at the time, they had placed a limit on how long you could be in the store. About 10 minutes into my shopping trip, a burly security woman walked around the store yelling that we had only five minutes left of our 15-minute allotment. At that point, I ran around the store trying to pick up as many items as I could from our long list.
“Another security guard saw my cart piled high with groceries, assumed I had been there a long time, and told me I had to go to the cashier. I played the senior age card again and said I needed just one more item from the produce department. He let me go, but as soon as his back was turned, I got the produce item and scurried off to get as many items as I could before he’d come after me again. What an experience!
“We tried a delivery service for our groceries, but it took days to get the groceries we had ordered. Every day for three days someone showed up with a shopping bag with a few items from the list we had sent them. Some items didn’t match what we had ordered, and some items never got delivered. We decided to forget that idea…
“Last year when I was here, we went out to restaurants and enjoyed the island reggae, but, of course, this year’s been a different story: no restaurants or bars are open. The good news is that takeout became available, and they’re planning on reopening restaurants and bars next week. Masks and social distancing are required, of course.
“The nearby restaurants don’t deliver food, so if we want takeout, we have to ask Mr. Hunt to drive us to a restaurant, get takeout, and just turn around, and take the food back home. We’ve been doing a lot of cooking at home. I don’t cook much, so it’s been kind of fun researching new recipes. That’s a bright spot in the whole food thing.
“We initially thought that running out of prescription medication was going to be a problem, but it has turned out to be easier than we expected, and it’s been a real eye-opener. There’s a little pharmacy in town where luckily we’ve been able to get most of our medications, even the prescription meds. For the most part, you don’t need prescriptions here, and the meds cost a fraction of the cost back in the States.
“For example, Dan’s statins cost $.40/box here, while that same box costs a bundle back home. Many of our prescription drugs are over-the-counter drugs here. It is so true that Big Pharma charges outrageous prices for meds that other countries simply dispense over the counter. So sad…
“Antigua seems to have the virus under control now because the restrictions have been so effective. There were only 25 confirmed cases in all and only three deaths. They confirmed recently that there is only one active case on the island. That person is currently hospitalized but will soon be released. The threat of exposure is low, but, of course, when we’re in public, we still need to wear masks and maintain social distancing.”
In an earlier email, Francesca said, “The government is reopening the airport this coming week; no tourists have been allowed entry for a couple of months. The major industry here is tourism, so the country’s GDP has plummeted, as you can imagine, and there are a lot of people out of work.
“Reopening the airport allowing tourists onto the island is an important step in reviving the economy. But the number of COVID cases may rise again when international travelers arrive. If that happens, the government may need to re-establish some restrictions.
“To counter a possible rise in COVID cases, they’re planning on giving every new arrival at the airport a ‘rapid test.’ It’s an antigen test that has an 85% accuracy rate in detecting the virus. The arrivals will get the results within 15 minutes.
“If someone tests positive, they’ll be isolated. If they test negative, they will be able to go to their hotel, but they will have their temperature taken every day to ensure they aren’t symptomatic. The government is also planning on randomly re-testing those who tested negative.
“Dan and I are looking forward to getting home, but we’ll miss this island. I will particularly miss that beautiful little beach near us. I’ve attached a photo of Dan and me on one of the Antiguan beaches, all masked up.
Champs Francesca and Dan – stranded in Paradise
I asked Francesca how the extended, confined stay affected their relationship, adding she didn’t have to answer such a personal inquiry from a nosey columnist.
She replied, “As with any couple living in close quarters for any length of time, we had our moments. Thankfully, this apartment is one-bedroom, so we could be apart sometimes. However, the relationship is stronger. The quarantine allowed us to have more adventures together in a very different place. We’ll always have those memories: swimming out to our special beach, savoring Caribbean dishes we’d never heard of, and much more. And we’ll smile.
“Antigua has beautiful beaches and equally beautiful people. I sincerely believe Antiguans are the friendliest people on earth.
“We hope to come back next year, but (said with a wink), maybe not for such a long time!”
Part 2 – Spike in Scams during pandemic
Yesterday, I received an email with this subject line: Dating Expert to Singles: Beware of post-COVID dating scam spike
“PLENTY OF PHISH IN THE SEA” – CRIMINALS PREYING ON INNOCENT SINGLES LOOKING FOR LOVE & STEALING PERSONAL INFORMATION
June 11, 2020: During quarantine, criminals have been posing as potential lovers on dating apps and online dating profiles, to steal personal information from vulnerable singles seeking love. A dating expert has warned singles on Tinder, Match.com, and Bumble, among other dating apps, to be wary of a person who is asking personal questions very early on.
“Quarantine has led people to become overly-comfortable and personally attached to dating profiles quicker than normal, as in-person meetups are out of the question. Now, criminals are robbing photos, age, location, and other personal information shared in conversation in an attempt to open accounts, hack email, and steal from those looking for that special someone. Report suspicious behavior to law enforcement authorities who can enforce the growing risk of identity theft.”
Part 3 – Responses to “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960” ebook
Some of you downloaded my ebook that was offered for $0.99 last week, and then you shared similar travel experiences that you had when younger. I’m extending the offer for two more weeks.
The book is on www.Smashwords.com, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore in the world. When you click on that link, you will be prompted to create a personal account—simply enter your email address and a password.
Then type in Tom Blake in the search box, my book covers will appear.
Click on “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus Summer of 1960.” Then click on “Buy.” Then, you will get a prompt for a Coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q
You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 5, 2020
Columnist Tom Blake
Today’s eNewsletter has three parts. Parts one and two feature senior men on finding and losing love. In part one, a senior man blames himself for losing past relationships, but has a great partner now. In 26 years of writing dating after 50 columns, I can’t recall a man ever fully admitting he was the problem for relationships not working.
In Part 2—a very brief section, a man Champ gives sage advice.
In Part 3 – Tom’s new ebook: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.”
Part One – Senior men on finding and losing love
Champ Joel steps up to the plate and admits that his difficulty in staying in relationships was his fault. And what he did to fix the problem. His words are educational, from which many of us can learn.
Joel shared: “I was 12 years a slave to Match.com, POF and all the others. Sometimes I would meet five women a week in my desperate search for a loving partner. In that time, I met four women that I could have loved, should have loved and would have loved–if only I had known then what I know now.
“I met the fourth woman online; we fell in love and I moved from Tallahassee Fl to San Francisco to live with her. I lived in blissful happiness for two years until she dumped me, with no warning that I saw.
“I moved back to Florida and, over a two-year period–including significant therapy–I progressed from a complete emotional and physical disintegration to my rebirth as a better, healthier man.
Senior love – the problem was me
“I realized there was nothing wrong with any of those four women and in fact, they would have made wonderful life partners. The problem was me.
“I had been inattentive, unempathetic, arrogant, and a lousy listener. In short, what women often call a jerk.
“After a deep self-assessment and adjustment, I met a woman, fell in love, and, after cohabiting for five years, we got married. I believe that many times people searching for love without success think the problem is the people they meet.
“If you’ve been meeting prospective mates for two years and haven’t found one, it may be the problem is you. That was the case with me.”
“My advice is to look in the mirror for the solution. It may be that you need to radically change or accept the fact that you would rather be single, than change, adapt and, accept.
“By accepting, I mean there are some traits that come with gender. Men and women have some built-in behaviors, like communication styles, that are omnipresent. If you want a partner, you have to accept those traits and adapt to them, even though doing that may drive you crazy.
“Likewise, each person has irritating, annoying, even disgusting traits that come with them. They likely won’t change. It’s foolish to think you can change a person.
“If you are going to find love late in life, you may need to change. You must accept a person with flaws. Or you may decide to live single, not a bad choice and one with some advantages.
“My choice was to find a loving partner and that happened when I changed. I am a happily married man now.
Wendy and Joel
Joel added, “Sure proves there is hope for everyone. Best wishes in your search!”
I asked Joel how he and Wendy met. That was unique as well.
Joel emailed, “When I was out and about, and single, my social crutch at a social event or party was my camera. I found it easy to approach people and ask to take their photograph. When they asked why I would say—truthfully–I will send them to you and the hostess of the party. Which I did back in the day of paper photographs, then, later as jpegs.
“In 2012, I had moved back from The Bay Area to Florida. I was with a date at a party and taking pictures and had a chat with an interesting and attractive woman, took her picture, moved on, and later sent the picture files to the hostess…and forgot about it.
“Three months later, the hostess and I were having lunch and I told her about yet another failure with a woman I had dated. She said, ‘You should call Wendy!’
“I did and the rest is history. It’s working because I learned to accept, adapt, and pay attention to her needs, even when I don’t understand. What’s that old saying about ‘a happy wife means a happy life’ or some such thing?
Part 2 – Include A-B-C when profile building
Art, “One thing that I have in my profile is something I learned years ago in sales, A-B-C, always be closing. This means to include what you want the person to do next. For example, ‘If you enjoyed reading my profile, send me a message, and let’s get to know each other.’
“It sounds like such an obvious ending, but most people do not know how to end their profile.” Include A-B-C when profile building.
Part 3 – Last week, I made a mistake in the eNewsletter. Here’s how:
I mentioned an ebook I had just published titled “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.” The book is about five guys, who traveled in and lived in a VW bus in the summer of 1960. The final 16 days were at the Rome Olympics. I was one of the five. There are some travel photos.
I had offered to Champs to download it for $0.99 (cents). But the link I included was a broken link. I made a mistake. So, I’m making that offer once again with these instructions.
The book is on www.Smashwords.com, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. When you click on the link the first time, Smashwords will prompt you to create a personal account. It’s easy, just enter your email address and create a password. Write the password down so you will have it in future visits to their site.
After you create your account, type my name Tom Blake in the search box, and the covers of the books I have on Smashwords will appear. Click on “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus Summer of 1960.” Then click on “Buy.” Then, you will get a prompt for a Coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q
You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle uses the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with the Smashwords online reader.
So that was my error last week, providing a broken link. I made a mistake. A few of you commented on that. Let me know if you have any questions or issues.
84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960
Cover of Tom’s new ebook “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.”
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 29, 2020
Finding love when you live in Barra de Navidad, Mexico
The inputs I receive from our Champs help keep this eNewsletter fresh. Sharing some inputs with you today.
Shelley, San Diego, wrote, “I liked John’s suggestion to women about listing what they can bring to the table on their profiles. I’d like to share my experience.
“My husband of 40 years and soulmate died unexpectedly in 2014. I was heartbroken and felt as if my world had collapsed-well it HAD!
“A year later, I tried OK Cupid and met a man I liked, but later found out he was married!
“A year after that, I tried Seniors Meet (Now, a part of the OurTime group of sites) and was contacted by several scammers and three younger men looking for sugar-mommas! I got off that site after two months!
“My profile stated what I was looking for and what I have to offer as well as what I did NOT want. Here’s a summary of my profile:
“I am a widow of over two years–intelligent, independent, fun-loving, warm and affectionate. I am healthy, health-conscious, fit & active–you should be also.
“I’m an educated, retired professional-no children. Tall and thin with many interests.
“I am looking for a long-term committed relationship with the right man. I have done a lot of work on myself to heal.
“I have the maturity and communication skills to work through differences in healthy ways. I am loving, caring and kind.
“Your age should be 58-70. I am responsible and can take care of myself. You need to be also. I am not looking for a ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationship. Or, a married man! I’m not eager to rush into anything. I want to develop friendship first. Please be local and sincere.
“In April, 2017, I met the man who is now my significant other. We met at the museum where I was doing volunteer work as a docent.”
Probably not a Match but worth a try
Susan wrote, “I like what John said in last week’s article about women including what they can bring to the table on their online profiles.”
I wrote back, “Where are you living and what is your age?”
Susan said, “Virginia, age 78. Why?”
I replied, “Ten minutes ago, I received an email from a high school buddy. His name is Carm. His significant other passed away last year. He emailed: ‘I never tried an online dating site and assume it’s not practical now that I live abroad. I would like to find a partner, though.’”
I said to Susan that since she and Carm had contacted me within 10 minutes of each other, I thought “What if?” Thinking, wouldn’t it be a co-incidence if she and Carm were a match?
I also mentioned to Susan that I wondered how close she and Carm were in age, and how far away they lived from each other, which is why I had asked her.
Turns out their ages are within two years of each other—perfect fit. However, they live 2,576 miles from each other, according to a website I checked. (The site added that it takes one full day plus 19 hours of driving straight through—43 hours of driving, from Virginia, to Barra de Navidad, Mexico, where Carm lives). Not so practical.
However, Carm sent me his online profile, which I had suggested he create. Carm’s profile has a solution for getting to his far-away location; it’s highlighted in yellow below.
“Carm’s profile says:
‘80-year-old man interested in a woman of similar age that would enjoy visiting me in a fishing village in Mexico (ZLO airport). I own a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house with a modern kitchen and a large garden in a walled compound. I’m healthy and interesting — a retired economist and journalist and watch MSNBC/CNN regularly.
‘I’m looking for a like-minded, vigorous woman that lives not too far from Barra de Navidad, Mexico, or, I would split airfare from the States if/when applicable for a visit. In the meantime, let’s chat lodise0711@hotmail.com.’
He included a current picture of himself, and the garden he loves in Barra.
My buddy Carm who reminds me of Ernest Hemingway
The garden in his yard, to which Greta and I can attest, having been there
So, there you go, Susan. If interested, send Carm an email.
Then, I reminded myself that I’m not a matchmaker, as I’ve often mentioned to Champs. Think about it–matchmakers don’t introduce people living 2,567 miles apart. That being said, however, other Champs are welcome to contact Carm as well.
A reminder about scammers
Champ Ben commented on last week’s eNewsletter: “I never thought of adding ‘what do you bring to the table’ comments- instead of just rehashing your profile. I think signing up for a dating site is an investment in YOU and ‘There’s no downside’ – it’s about what you want in a relationship and have faith each day- it’s about attitude! Match.com has scammers on it- BEWARE!”
Tom’s comment: “All dating sites have scammers, which is a downside to online dating. Plus, reports from our Champs have warned us about Match.com. Trust your instincts, everyone.”
Champ Terri shared, “Unfortunately, the last time I mentioned what I had to offer, a man fed off what I wanted so he could be taken care of whilst sexting on POF (Plenty of Fish).
“So scary out there, con people looking for a ride. It has quelled my wanting a relationship and I do have lot to offer. It’s sad the way some people think.”
(Terri, do you live near Barra de Navidad, Mexico? Just asking…)
Also, last week, we included a photo of Champ Chris appearing in the movies Jaws and The Godfather. I made a mistake on Chris’s age and his wife Tina’s age. I said they were 84 and 77, respectively. True age: Chris is 86; Tina 79, which makes them an even more amazing couple.
Champ Mark, my former dentist now living in Palm Springs, a man of few words, wrote; “Dating sites are a waste of time—get out there and meet a REAL person.”
Response: “You’re right Dr. Wilson. But, a bit difficult under the current circumstances. When Greta and I were in Palm Springs two weeks ago, it looked like a scene from a Western movie. Everybody wearing masks. Bars, restaurants and gathering places closed tighter than a drum. I guess it’s lightening up out there a little, but still hard to meet new people. Ralph’s and Rite Aid were open. but masks were required.
Part 2 – Finally, a 60-year project is completed
Without things to do during these stay-at-home times, I’d go nuts. So, I decided to finish a project that has been on the back burner for 60 years.
In the summer of 1960, I went to Europe with four other guys. We lived in a VW bus. Oh yes, it was crowded. We visited 15 countries in 84 days. Our final 16 days were in Rome, taking in the summer Olympics.
We consumed far too much beer at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich and on a picnic while sitting under the 1952 Winter Olympics ski jump in Oslo. I thought we were goners when the police in Communist Yugoslavia pulled us over in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. We flew home on the USA Olympic team charter plane, from Rome, with a young man named Cassius Clay. I kept a diary.
I had always wanted to write a book about that experience. I completed the book last week. It’s an ebook. No printed copies available. Title: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.” Perhaps some of you were in Europe that summer, or some other summer. Might trigger some memories.
If any of you would like to download a copy to your computers or Kindles, the price to you is $0.99. (Ninety-nine cents; A 75% discount vs. the public’s price of $3.99). Takes a couple of hours to read.
Here’s how you do it:
The book is on Smashwords, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world.
The first time you visit the Smashwords site, you will be prompted to create a free Smashwords personal account. Just enter your email address and create a password. Go to www.smashwords.com . Easy as pie. That takes about 20 seconds. Write the password down somewhere so you will remember it when asked in future visits.
After creating your account, enter my name Tom Blake in the search box. The covers of the books I have on the site will appear. Click on the “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus” icon.
Then click on “Buy.” After that, you will get a prompt for a coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q
You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader.
Email me with comments or observations (tompblake@gmail.com). Remember, you will need to create a Smashword account on your first visit. Then, when you return to the site in the future, just enter your password.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2
by Columnist Tom Blake
For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.
Beware of scammers!
Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried Match.com. There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”
Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.
Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating. The first four responses came from men.
John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake.
“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you. She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”
Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”
Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.”
Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.
Women responded as well.
Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.
“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves. But online dating can be worth the hassle.
“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”
Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.
“My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time.
“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”
Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.
“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’
“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”
One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.
“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.
“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!
“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”
My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on Match.com, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.
There are companies such as Online4.love.com, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.
I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.
Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.
Part 2 – There’s an actor among us
Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know. However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.
Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.
Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017
And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.
This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”
Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!
“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie! I’m married to a famous actor!”
She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.
Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather
Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”
Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.
Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 15, 2020
Where are single senior men? The answer is easier now
by Tom Blake Columnist
The most frequently asked question I’ve received in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50 has come from women. In the first few years of writing, the question was: “Where can I meet single senior men in their 50s?”
Around 2005, the question changed: “Where can I meet single men in their 60s?”
In 2014, when I sold my Dana Point deli and retired, the question had become: “Where can I meet single men in my 70s?”
In February, 2020, a question was: “Where/How to meet Prof Men?” That question did not come from a Champ, it came from a woman named Judy who contacted me via the FindingLoveafter50.com website.
When Judy asked that question, she volunteered other information: “I’m a financially secure gal who cannot find local men to date. I joined Match.com only to have Match notify me that four of the men they sent me were frauds.
“Also, Match.com recommended a university professor, age 75, who is still working full time and has cancer. This seems to be my luck!”
“What on earth? Where can I meet a nice man on my same level in life? At my age, I sure don’t want to drive two hours, which is also what I found on Match.com. I feel I am classy, attractive, enjoy sports, a golfer and have a nice outgoing personality. Please advise.”
About 10 days after receiving Judy’s email, reports of COVID-19 started to surface. Any advice I could offer her became out-of-date, not usable.
How do I give someone dating advice and in the same breath advise them “to quarantine at home?”
Under normal circumstances, I would have suggested to Judy what I’ve said to all women who have asked that question over the years “Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Adopt a positive attitude. Smile. Put your best self out there. Staying at home doesn’t hack it.”
It was hard to get more specific with Judy because she didn’t reveal what’s she’s doing to meet men, other than flail away on Match.com.
I suggested she become a Champ, but to my knowledge, that didn’t happen.
Also, I would have added this to Judy’s advice, “Since you are a golfer, pursue that option. Lots of men golf and go to driving ranges. And they often have an adult-beverage after a round of golf in the 19th hole bar and grill at the clubhouse. Make yourself visible, smile, have fun, and above all, keep your eye on the ball. You know, the golf ball.”
For now, until this virus subsides, and hopefully disappears all together, I can’t give advice to her other than to online date. However, she has a bitter taste in her mouth toward online dating because of her experience with Match.com. And that shows through in her comments.
I would have recommended—had she become a Champ–that she read our eNewsletter from two weeks ago in which Champ Christine Baumgarten, a dating and relationship coach, talked about “Why now is the PERFECT TIME to date.” I’ve posted that eNewsletter with Christine’s comments on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website.
To access that issue, once on the website home page, note that the ribbon across the top of the page shows an eNewsletters category. That’s a drop-down menu. Click on it and again on Tom’s 2020 and 2019 eNewsletters. The most recent eNewsletter posted is the one with Christine’s advice. It’s the first one you will come to.
What I’ve found during these stay-at-home times is that I’m connecting with many old friends, with whom I haven’t talked in a long time. In some cases, years. That eases loneliness and who knows, for our single Champs, a connection with an old friend might lead to something more? It would have to be a remote connection for now.
And while remote, we still can see people via Facetime on our phones or Zoom or with our computer cameras.
So now, in May, 2020, that 26-year-old question, “Where do I meet men?” hasn’t gone away. But it’s easier to answer now, because the choices that I can suggest are so few. And they are almost all virtual.
Maybe the answer to where to meet men is in the picture of the woman on the cover of my ebook below: Getting a magnifying glass and looking under rocks. By the way, for the next two weeks, I’ve dropped the price of this ebook to $0.99 (99 cents) on Smashwords for our Champs. It’s normally $3.99. To order a book on Smashwords.com, a person will need to get a personal account with Smashwords. It’s simple, just provide your email address and password. Write down your password for the next time you go to Smashwords. Here’s the link to order: https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . When that page opens, you will see six book covers, click on the one hat looks like this.
Hang in there, Champs. When socializing resumes, I look forward to hearing some positive stories of single seniors meeting online during this crisis, and how these senior singles finally got to meet face-to-face.
FOR NEXT WEEK: Let’s do a column on senior dating sites. Share your opinions, and experiences. I am getting questions that ask what are the best sites for our age group. So, help me write that column by emailing me (tompblake@gmail.com)
Senior Dating during COVID-19 Pandemic
Christine Baumgarten, Champ and relationship coach, on why now—during the crisis–is a PERFECT time to date:
Christine said, “I’ve experienced the same challenge that people think they ‘can’t’ date right now. And what I’m clear about is, it’s the PERFECT time to date. People can meet virtually through Facetime, Skype, or Zoom. It’s the perfect way to get to know each other without the pressure or concern about getting ‘physical’ too soon.
“Also, one of the biggest complaints is when people meet in person, they don’t look like their picture. Now, you’ll confirm what they look like before you go through the effort to meet in person.
“There are so many fun things to do virtually, with a new person:
*Learn a new dance step – Country Line Dancing, Salsa, Square Dancing, etc.
*Read a book to each other
*Learn a language together
*Learn to play an instrument
*Pick a recipe and cook and eat together – Are you the type of person who needs a recipe (that’s me) or can you just look in your refrigerator and find a three-course meal (that was Tony, my deceased husband).
*Do a craft together – Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Does he know how to do something you’d like to learn? If you’re both learning something new, then you’ll get to see how you each deal with learning something new, with all the possible frustrations.
*Give each other a tour of your house (don’t give out your address) just a tour of the inside. Oh my, what will you learn about each other’s lifestyle!
“And as you are ‘doing’ all these things together you can ask the other person questions about his or her life to learn about his traits to determine if you’re a match and if you’ll eventually want to meet in person.
“I brought this point up in a Facebook thread and one person responded, ‘We’ll run out of things to talk about if we can’t meet in person.’
“And my response is, ‘If you run out of things to talk about with someone you’ve just met, then this is confirmation that you are not a match.’”
Comment from Tom: Christine, since you need a recipe to cook, try my Chicken Parmesan I shared with my sister! Ha!
On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – May 8, 2020
The Letter – Senior Sex no time to waste
By Columnist Tom Blake
You may recall that last week’s eNewsletter was a bit off the wall. It featured a woman, age 30, who insisted on a six-month pre-marriage trial with her fiancé, age 59, where they slept together, but had no physical contact, no hand holding, not one hug or kiss. She considered the trial “a success.” They married.
After the wedding she was shocked to find out he wanted sex.
Her letter had been sent to me in 2001.
There were many, varied responses to her story. The first came from Mark, who said, “I believe you made this up to bring good cheer to your readers. Am I right?”
I replied: “Greta and I are out of town for a week. When I get back to Dana Point, I will scan her letter and send it to you.
“I found it in the garage in a box of old column stuff. Thought to myself, this can be a column someday.
“Letter is for real. Glad you enjoyed it.”
Mark said, “I didn’t doubt for a minute that the letter was real. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up!”
Mark’s right; I don’t have the imagination to create something like that. Here’s part of the actual letter:
The Letter – from 20 September 2001
Helen, Arizona, responded, “Thanks for the laugh. Oh me. Sometimes I wonder. Are there really people walking around our country like this? Wonder if she made the whole thing up? Doesn’t matter.
“Phil and I have been together since 2003 after meeting on the Net. Didn’t marry. We are 80 and 81 now. Times are not easy, but we are together. We are one of the couples you featured in your book all those years ago.”
Another response came from Laurie Jo: “I read your eNewsletter and had an immediate, strong reaction.
“Things like impotence can be an issue, but there are ways to work around that and other difficulties when we age. I feel happy that I can still ride my horse, do household chores, and walk without any problems.
“I have friends that have hip issues and things like cancer. My point is: why give up intimacy? Why forego or avoid a wonderful part of being alive and capable.”
Twice a widower, “after two good marriages,” John commented. “I’m nearly 80 and every time I think I’ve heard it all regarding love relationships, something comes along to prove me wrong—such as your article last week. The woman in the story must be totally unaware/naive about how the world works–at least pertaining to how men and women relate to each other physically.
“I’m still actively dating and looking for a life-partner. After several dates with a woman, and if it begins to look promising, we start digging down into the weeds of what we’re looking for in a relationship.
“Eventually, I ask if she is interested in a physical relationship. Or, is she just seeking a friend for movies and dinners? I ask because having a physical relationship remains important to me.
“To illustrate how difficult expectations can be, I met a woman on a dating site two years ago who lives three hours away by car. My thinking was, if we were a good fit, it would be worth the drive.
“It turned out she oversees the caregivers who tend to her disabled sister, about a 10-minute drive from my home. I started seeing her when she was in town once or twice a month for six months.
“Then, she invited me to visit her at her home. I spent two nights with her and slept in a separate bedroom; there was no physical contact during the stay. We saw each other on and off when she visited her sister for about a year.
“She continued pursuing me and invited me to her home again, for three nights. I accepted. (Separate bedrooms again.)
“We were watching a TV movie the second night and I attempted to hold her hand, but she was not receptive. At dinner, the third night, I asked her if she was looking for a physical relationship because some women are not.
“She erupted and said, ‘All men are looking for only one thing!’ With that comment, I promptly left.”
“We had no contact for six months when out of the blue she sent me an email apologizing for how she reacted and wanted to get together again. We did but, it was just not-to-be for me.”
An important point from John’s story, Laurie Jo’s comments, and Helen’s comments, even at 70 or 80, for seniors physical contact is important to many men–and women.
Lesson for dating seniors: It’s best to discuss each person’s sexual expectations in the early dating stages of a potential relationship. At 80, we don’t haveanytime to waste.
Message for Mark: I didn’t make this up either: Because this column is about a letter, and about not having time to waste, the song, “The Letter,” by The Box Tops, 1967, popped into my mind.
Lyrics
“Gimme a ticket to an aeroplane
Ain’t got time for a fast train
Lonely days are gone. I’m a-going home
My baby, just wrote me a letter”
Link to Box Tops song (click on open wide screen and then the red arrow to begin video ): Link to song “The Letter”
On Life and Love after 50 