Tag: Tom Blake columnist

Two Tuesdays in July 2025

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

by Tom Blake Columnist

Last week’s eNewsletter was titled The Sound of Silence. It was based on a Paul Simon concert that my significant other Debbie and I attended in Long Beach, California on Tuesday, July 8.

Here are a few responses from Champs to that eNewsletter.

Kathy, “OM Gosh great newsletter! Saw Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel twice – last time was some months after 9/11/01 at Madison Square Garden and the other time was way back in the 60’s before they became who they became. I’ve been an ardent admirer of Simon forever and think of him as a genius.

I’ve seen the movie The Graduate several hundreds of times Scarborough Fair is one of my favorite songs as is April Come She Will but there is a Simon and Garfunkel song that I think is hauntingly beautiful and ranks as one of this gal’s favorites; For Emily whenever I might find her.

I love that Paul also wrote a song with my name in it, Kathy’s Song. Good memories, great music.

Carmen, My high school classmate, “My favorite line from the song is “The words of the prophets were written on the subway walls and tenement halls …

“I also liked Kodachrome.

“I dated a woman when I worked in Mexico City who dated Paul once.”

SW, a woman co-worker at the Victoria Station restaurant chain.  “Beautiful column, Tom!!

“I went through a phase of listening to one of the Simon and Garfunkel CDs in my car this year – absolutely love them – and The Graduate!

Margo, “In college, I took a film class. I made a movie using the music and lyrics to “The Sound of Silence.” I think it was pretty good. I’m disappointed I never went back and retrieved the films I created. It remains one of my favorites.”

Gloria, “Another newsletter near and dear to my heart. The Sound of Silence.

“I have always loved the song and most of the other songs you mentioned; The Boxer, Slip Sliding Away and Homeward Bound.

“I saw The Graduate a few times. One of my other favorite songs is Mrs. Robinson. When my grandchildren were smaller, I would take them out for pizza and played that song in the car as we all sang along. To this day, if any of them hear it, they text or call me and tell me all about it.

“Such insight from Simon to have written those words so long ago.”

Francine “Simon and Garfunkel both grew up in Forest Hills, Queens (NYC) where I lived from 1965-1968. Forest Hills is home to the Tennis Stadium which used to have a lot of concerts. I lived right down the street and heard the concerts for free, including Simon and Garfunkel. The Graduate was an amazing movie.

Ted, a high school classmate, married 60 + years: “The Sound of Silence is my favorite Simon & Garfunkel song. Closing the show with it was perfect! Yes, Debbie won the one-dollar bet. Where have the year’s gone?”

Beckie “I’m probably not the 1st one to tell you the song was on a 33rpm record, not a 78rpm as you mentioned. “The Graduate. Fine movie, wonderful songs.”

Julie, “All your columns are wonderful, but this one is my new favorite. You have a way of tying things together and putting the reader right inside these events! Who doesn’t love The Graduate and Simon and Garfunkel?

“This is how I live my life too! Acting on opportunities that seem to drop in my lap. I guess you and I both connect with people. Our open minds and hearts keep the fun coming from many unexpected places (e.g., The Racker neighbors)

“May you continue to experience these fruits of your relationship-building, and a life well lived! Including the physical stamina to climb into a concert venue. I’m cheering for you!”

Carolyn, “Wow! Loved reading this beautiful eNewsletter! Jake and Kresta Racker are amazing friends to have!

“As of this April, Simon and Garfunkel were speaking again and talking about a possible concert featuring both. I always keep hope alive for this make-up, break-up duo.  I love them and value their delicious music.  Always so heartfelt and true.

“Super happy that Simon came out at the end to sing that beautiful Sound Of Silence. (Debbie won the $1 bet fair and square!) Fingers crossed that I shall see them sing together one last time. The Graduate has always been a fan favorite”! Phenomenal acting!”

Tom’s speech on Tuesday, July 15

Approximately 50 people attended my speech at the Susi Q Senior Center in Laguna Beach. I was pleased that the events coordinator Christine Brewer had all the equipment working perfectly. My buddy Jim Fallon advanced the Power Point slides with a remote gadget when I gave him the nod. Overall, I thought it went well.

Champ Wayne mentioned to me that the ratio of single women to single men attending to be about 5 to one.

For me, the heroes among the attendees were Ray and Libby Freer, a couple in their mid-80s who married in June 2024. In the slides, I had included as the final slide a photo of them walking down the aisle after their marriage as a sign of hope that romance can happen after age 80. There had been a gap of 70 years since they had seen each other. I didn’t know they were coming to the speech. Both shared their story and advice with the audience during the Q & A at the end.

In particular, Ray stressed that a characterists-wanted in a mate list I had included in the February 10, 2023, eNewsletter helped him and Libby decide they were well suited for each other to marry. I checked the archives and found that list and am including it here.

Tom’s Suggested List Of Characters Wanted in a Mate

1 He makes me his top priority and treats me with respect

2. I am physically attracted to him. And he to me

3. We must enjoy being together and feel comfortable

4. He must not smoke or take drugs

5. He must be financially self-sufficient and willing to share expenses

6. He takes care of his health

7. He must be available to see me three to four times per week

8. We don’t have to have similar interests, but similar core values

9. He must be kind and considerate to others

10. We must agree on politics

11. Our religious beliefs don’t have to be the same, but neither of us can be zealots or closed-minded to the partner’s beliefs

12. He must be open to having a new relationship. We must be able to talk about our former spouses and mates without the other person feeling jealous or compared to. If a person talks about a former mate incessantly, that person is likely not for you.

End list

Yes, it was a busy two Tuesdays in July.

Finding Love at 30,000 feet

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

Tom Blake Columnist

The May 9 eNewsletter was titled, “A senior man’s first-date jitters.” The man was Bill, and he described his date with Jackie. Bill felt Jackie didn’t have an interest in him. They didn’t go out again. In that article, I shared my opinion about Bill’s date.

There were many responses expressed by Champs, offering advice for both Bill and Jackie on how each could have improved their hour-long date.  

Two weeks later, Champ Mike emailed me about that May 9 eNewsletter.

Mike wrote, “You, Tom, do appear to be a very nice, compassionate guy in your response to Bill. Frankly, I thought there were enough clues early in the date for Bill to cut the date short and say, ‘It’s been nice meeting you’ and leave.

“I was divorced and single from age 45-60. I dated first with referrals from friends, then dating services like “It’s Just Lunch,” and finally tried some online dating sites.

“I found my love at 60 and have now been married 20 years.”

I responded to Mike: “How did you meet your wife? Online? Or otherwise?

Mike wrote, “I met my wife on a Delta flight. She was a Delta Flight Attendant. It was on one of the first flights leaving Cincinnati after 9/11. The airplane, a 757, was virtually empty, very spooky.

“Everyone was nervous to fly, including the employees

I was traveling with, and my son, to visit my brother in Hartford.

I was seated in first class, no other passengers were up there, and Kathie was the Flight Attendant. We talked for the entire 2-hour flight. I thought she had to be married, but my son said he didn’t see a wedding ring.

“A few months later, I ran into Kathie at the airport as I was leaving for a flight, she was leaving at the gate next to mine. I immediately asked for a dinner date. She accepted, but due to our travel schedules, it was a couple of months before we could. When the day arrived, she preferred to pick me up, since she had two kids, age 2 and 4, at home.

“When she arrived, standing in the doorway framed by the overhead light, she took my breath away. Unrecognizable from her plain flight attendant uniform, she was stunningly beautiful. I never dated anyone else again. We dated for two years, were engaged for one year, and this June 4th was our 20th anniversary. As close to love at first sight as it gets.”

As often happens with Champ’s stories, Mike’s story struck a chord with me. In 1963, after serving in the Navy during the Vietnam War, I was discharged from the Naval Auxiliary Air Station in Fallon, Nevada. I boarded a military flight in Fallon to the Bay Area, where I was to catch an American Airlines flight to Detroit, near where my parents and sisters lived in Jackson, Michigan.

The military flight was delayed, so I missed my AAL flight home. I rebooked an overnight flight from SFO to Detroit for that night. Like Mike’s story, I spent at least two hours on that flight talking with the stewardess (that’s what they were called then).

Her name was Linda. She was based in Chicago, and we dated for several months while I was at the University of Michigan Business School getting my MBA. To see each other, she would schedule flights with layovers in Detroit. I would pick her up in my rattle-trap ’57 Chevy at Detroit’s Metro Airport.

After graduation, I worked for AAL so we met often. She was, like Mike’s wife Kathie, a cutie. I clipped out a Fortune Magazine American Airlines advertisement in June 1965, because it reminded me of Linda.

Sixty-five years later, I have the original of that advertisement buried somewhere in my garage archives. I found a copy online, which is the photo above, entitled “People keep stealing our stewardesses.” I was one of those guys, sort of.

The small print in that ad reads, “Within two years, most of our stewardesses will leave us for other men. This isn’t surprising. A girl who can smile for 5 ½ hours is hard to find. Not to mention a wife who can remember what 124 people want for dinner…”

However, the relationship with Linda fizzled out due to long distance.

But, my infatuation with flight attendants didn’t end then; I married a Pan Am flight attendant four years later in NYC.

If there is a lesson to be learned from today’s eNewsletter –- and it’s a stretch, I admit — if you’re single and when you travel, strike up a conversation with flight attendants (now both women and men), train conductors, pilots, and other fellow travelers, you just might meet the love of your life. Mike’s story and my story are proof that love can happen at 30,000 feet.

Share with us how you met the love of your life while traveling.

Deceased partner’s photos

By Tom Blake, Columnist

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter June 6, 2025

Senior Dilemma. When should a deceased partner’s photos and belongings be put away?

A woman recently emailed with a heart-wrenching question that many seniors face. She requested to remain anonymous, so I shall call her Sue.

Sue wrote, “I met my sweetheart online a year ago. Although he lives 30 miles from me, he says it’s worth the 40-minute drive. I am happy he feels that way.

“What are your thoughts on my him still having his dead wife’s clothing in their closet? She passed away 10 years ago. I discovered this when he invited me to spend the night at his place, when I took my overnight bag upstairs. Additionally, all her old perfume bottles are displayed on the master bathroom counter. It was disconcerting to me to say the least.” 

“I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.” 

My reply to Sue

“I understand the dilemma. Greta, my partner of 25 years, passed away 2 and ½ years ago. I have many pictures of her and us together around my home. I am slowly moving the pictures to a box in the garage. I realize my life has changed and it’s time to move on.

“It’s hard as the pictures represent so many memories, but I need to do it. Thanks for the reminder. Let me know how it goes. 

Your question gave me a nudge.

“In your situation, Sue, especially with your boyfriend being a widower of 10 years, the woman’s clothes in the closet need to go. 

“Plus, no woman is going to want to use the left-over perfume bottles, so they also need to go. Are there other signs around the house that he might still be in grief?

“Have a talk with him and do it nicely. Is his reason for not removing the items because he is still mourning or that he just got complacent? When Greta passed, her kids removed her clothes immediately, which I appreciated. 

“After a year together, your boyfriend should want to make you happy and perhaps he’ll remove those items or have someone do it for him. The clothes could be donated. 

“Your question will benefit many seniors who find themselves asking, “What should I do with my ex-spouses or partner’s photos?’ 

“If your sweetheart refuses, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Does he talk about her often? My feeling is he cares a great deal about you and will move on in his life with you.” 

Sue responded, “Thank you, Tom.  I just found it so creepy that he hasn’t done the removal himself. We’re going on a trip in July. I asked him if he could please have her things taken care of by then.

“I hope it works because otherwise he is a wonderful, loving and generous man. He did remove his wife’s name and birth/death dates sticker from the back of her old car. But he’s keeping that car as an extra vehicle. He claims he’s over her. Still, I can’t help but wonder.”

There is no right or wrong answer about removing a deceased partner’s pictures or clothes. Everyone has their own beliefs.

Previous comments by Champs on this topic

Ben, a widower, wrote, “It’s been two years since my wife’s passing. My girlfriend has brought up the issue of pictures of my late wife in the house. I am gradually taking them down and moving on in life. Empathy, patience, and love are how I deal with change in my life.”

Cheryl emailed, “I had a boyfriend who constantly suggested that I take down the photos of my late husband. He felt that if I thought it was necessary to have those photos prominently displayed, it meant that I still loved and thought about my husband all the time, and therefore I couldn’t put my whole heart into loving him. 

“Eventually, I broke up with him due to his extreme jealousy and possessiveness.” 

Kim said, “I will never date another widow because one compared me to the deceased and I was always trying to measure up to a ‘legend,’ at least he was in her mind. Who wants to date someone who can’t heal and move ahead?”

Alicia shared, “Seven years ago, my brother lost his wife of 30 years after a happy marriage. Four years later, he remarried. He still misses his deceased wife. His present wife was divorced for several years and her husband died as well. Both freely speak about their deceased spouses. 

“I have learned from them that even though you find someone new who you now love, the past life does not need to be buried. It was a large part of your life and why should you sweep it under the rug?”

Curtis, “I had a sister who married a widower. They were in love and had pictures of both their former spouses around. They talked with each other about adventures they had with their previous families. When my sister died, she was buried with her previous husband, and when the widower dies, he will be buried with his first wife. In the meantime, they enjoyed each other’s company. Both families accepted the other and were glad they had been happy again.” 

Sherrill, “My guy Matt loved his deceased wife dearly, and until we met, he believed he would never love again.

“When I moved in with him, Matt asked if I would object to him putting some pictures of his ex-wife on the refrigerator along with my pictures of my kids and grandkids. I had no objection. I felt secure in our relationship and his love for me did not feel threatened; I admired his loving devotion to his wife.

“He inadvertently put pictures of her directly in my line of sight, so I saw them every time I opened the refrigerator door. Initially, this didn’t bother me, but eventually, it did! I asked him if he would move the pictures to a different location on the refrigerator, which he willingly did. He has pictures of his wife and me in his office.

“This is a complicated issue for which there is no simple or right answer.  As seniors, we all bring baggage into a new relationship.” 

Bill, a widower, emailed, “What matters in the conduct of a new relationship is the acceptance by a new partner of the nature and profound depth of the widow or widower’s prior relationship.

“Confidence is best created when the widow or widower provides an atmosphere that enhances the strength, convictions, and independence of their new loves. Removing doubt and fostering self-confidence minimizes any propensity for rivalry with departed spirits.”

Lynne wrote, “Don’t expect the surviving spouse to ever give up loving the deceased spouse. If not for death, they would still be together. Someone who wants a relationship with a surviving spouse is going to have to realize that there is memory lingering there and be comfortable with that.”

Hopefully, these sensitive replies will help widows, widowers and non-married partners who face this understandable dilemma. There is no right or wrong answer about removing a deceased partner’s pictures or clothes. Everyone has their own beliefs.

Responses to senior first-date jitters

Tom Blake Columnist

May 16, 2025

Responses to senior first-date jitters

14 Champ Responses to Bill’s first-date jitters

Last week, we shared widower Bill’s jitters about a first date he had with Jackie, a woman he met online. Here are 14 responses I selected, plus my comments at the end.

George, “I’m a little surprised that Bill didn’t mention what kind of full-time work Jackie does. It’s 1/3 of her daily life – it includes successes and other accomplishments, challenges and stresses. Does she have any kids and/or grandchildren? What is her family life like? Whom does she associate with and what do those people do?

“Her responses would have helped bring her out and see what the two of them have in common. Bill is a widower – does he have any kids? Do their kids have something in common?”

Kaitte, “I totally agree with Bill. Everything Jackie did sends red flags to me. This guy is a real gentleman. Send him my way to Colorado. LOL. It’s a long way away.”

Victoria, “I’d say she paid whether he knew it or not. What a waste of her time!”

S (a woman), “Jackie’s not interested. I wouldn’t exactly fall all over in gratitude for a sandwich and drink either. He sees himself spending money and it’s not going anywhere. What exactly does that mean? Where other than forward does he want to go? It’s called courting, Bill.”

Carolyn, “Oh, Oh! I don’t think Jackie is interested In seeing Bill again. He sounds like a nice guy to know and hike with. It is possible because she is still working so she doesn’t find him compatible. 

“I’m happy that Bill spoke to you first about that upcoming date. You gave him excellent advice. Please let him know that he did everything right. This was just not a good connection for Jackie.

“However, I always say, ‘Keep hope alive!’ Tell him to continue to seek a woman who is interested in him. He’s a good guy to know.”

Pat, “Bill did nothing wrong and is a gentleman. Her response was lukewarm, and he should draw the line there and accept no more of that treatment. He should send a brief text thanking her for her company, since he said he would, and leave it at that. She’s a grownup and can initiate if she wants to. He doesn’t need to bend over backwards because he’s busy looking for a woman who is willing.

“She didn’t ask questions because she was dealing with what was in front of her. Maybe she wanted someone who exhibited signs of wealth so she could stop working.

“Maybe she wanted someone 60 because she believes that she looks 60 and maybe she does. None of that is Bill’s problem and he shouldn’t take it personally. He should keep looking and expect it will take effort. Lots of ladies reading this wish they could walk on the beach with him. He sounds like a keeper.

“As to ‘Who Pays for the senior date?” it’s not about what’s fair, counting pennies, women’s lib, what he expects in return, yada yada. Here’s the truth: That is how he SHOWS how he FEELS about her, and if he wants to see her again. And it only needs to be a small appropriate amount. If he doesn’t pay a small tab she will think he didn’t really like her. Enjoying a drink together is a nice gesture and it gives you something to do with your hands!”

Virginia, “Wow, I always enjoy reading your articles. Being a senior but very active and fit, I too am looking for a partner. Not wanting to get married again, but I would love to hang out, cook, and dance. Listen to music and go on hikes together.

“I must tell you the story about the gentleman that I went out with over Christmas time we went out a couple of times, and then I invited him over for dinner.

“He seemed to enjoy the dinner and afterwards I was clearing the table, and he disappeared, I went into the living room, and he had fallen asleep on my sofa! Wow, I was shocked. Maybe I wasn’t a very good conversationalist. Who knows? When he woke up, he said. “Oh gosh, I fell asleep,” and, I said, “Oh gosh, maybe it’s time for you to leave.”

Gloria, “That first date does not sound too encouraging. Jackie steered away from any plans and that may say a lot. On the other hand, she might be shy and afraid to show too much interest; we don’t know about her past experiences.

“Bill is unsure what to do, which is understandable because he got little feedback. That is discouraging. I think the only thing to do is ask her for another date. Texting Jackie might be the safest way.

“If Jackie responds with a no thank you then Bill knows and can let it go.

But maybe she says yes, and they can proceed from there. Good luck Bill, keep your fingers crossed.”

Jeanne, “Jackie definitely was not interested. I could feel her vibes. I usually let the man know by thanking him and wishing him luck in his search. I let him know that I enjoyed him but didn’t feel we were a match. A kind let down is better than leaving him guessing. Many of my dating friends felt that was the wrong way to do it and I always felt it was right for me. I guess I’m not a people pleaser!”

Marie, “Bill, Jackie doesn’t seem to want to pursue a friendship with you. Trying to win her would require a lot of time and energy spent on your part with no result. You seem to be a nice gentleman. You will find your person soon.”

Belinda, “Wow. What Bill wrote, ‘I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere’, really tells all. He’s more concerned with his wallet than he is with her!  A breakfast sandwich and a beverage has him concerned? And the next date ideas were a walk or a hike…


“As a 64-year-old attractive eligible woman of some means, the way he acted on this date screams CHEAP to me. I would’ve been turned off, too.
These men need to understand that especially in the early phases of dating, they can’t act overly concerned about their budget on a date. IT’S A TOTAL TURNOFF to a woman.


“We want to feel valued and respected and even put on a little bit of a pedestal early on, especially if we are just getting to know you. What we DON’T WANT is some guy giving us vibes that maybe the potential connection isn’t worth a breakfast sandwich with a beverage, or some ‘dinners that go nowhere.’

“I would’ve been cold, too. Sorry, but this guy needs to improve his mindset, so this cheap attitude doesn’t bleed through on dates.”

Gail, “Jackie is not interested in any future dates with Bill.”

Laurie, “I’m flabbergasted. That gentleman was trying to be nice, I get it. Good, he’s trying.

“But the wishy-washy waffling, ‘Ghost her then text?’ What kind of crap is that?

“She hasn’t made up her mind yet! Give her time to digest the date. She’s got a lot going on, and this is supposed to be pleasant for both people. This guy sounds high maintenance to me.”

Christine, Relationship expert, “Dating is so hard for both sides. Sadly, no one knows what to do. Even though most people seem to think ‘They should just know how to date and feel stupid that they don’t.’

“Everyone wants the other person to ‘go first.’ Say they want to do something again. Say they liked them or (even) didn’t like them.

“So, my advice to everyone is to say the truth nicely.

“If you enjoyed the conversation and would like to do it again, please say that. Yes, this can be scary because they might not feel the same way. And you’ll never know if you don’t say. And it will give you practice confirming what you want to do next and saying it out loud.  

“If you didn’t enjoy your time with them then say it’s been nice meeting you and I’m not interested in going out again. I will usually say why I think I’m not a match for them because that is certainly part of the reason for my no-thank you to another meeting. Or something like I’m not as religious as you. I’m not interested in the things that are important to you. I wouldn’t participate in the things you spend a lot of time doing.”

Tom’s comments:  Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, the title of John Gray’s book, certainly applies to these responses. Please remember, Bill only made the comments and shared his thoughts with me, not with Jackie. He paid the tab and didn’t mention it to Jackie.

Give Bill a break. He agreed to share his personal thoughts and obviously his comments struck a chord. He later emailed me again saying, “I will wait and see if she contacts me. That could be a big clue. Probably nothing will go forward with Jackie. That’s ok.’

And then he wrote again. “I texted Jackie a thank you and a Happy Mother’s Day. She did not respond.”

This story reveals why online dating is difficult for seniors. If it works, great and if it doesn’t? Oh well, move on!”

The responses to last week’s article made me think of the song by Bill Haley and The Comets (1954) titled, “Thirteen Women (and Only One Man in Town).” Why? Today, 13 women are featured and only one man.

See link to that Bill Haley song below.

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=bill+haley+and+his+comets+thirteen+women+(and+only+one+man+in+town)&&mid=4A5C77E7FCCDE0DE7C444A5C77E7FCCDE0DE7C44&FORM=VAMGZC

A Senior Man’s first-date jitters

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 9, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake
A senior man’s first-date jitters

Bill, a widower in his mid-70s, emailed me for guidance regarding an upcoming first date with a woman he met on Match.com.
 
I thought it might be interesting, particularly to our women Champs, to know what a man thinks about before and after a first date with a woman.

Bill wrote, “I met an attractive woman on Match.com. She’s 10 years younger. She and I agreed to meet for coffee at a location about halfway between where we live, a two-mile drive for each of us. From her profile picture, she is pretty. I’m a little nervous. Her name is Jackie.

“We talked over the phone and knew at least we had a good conversation before we got together. That is a must for first-date people!”

“Can you give me any advice?”

I replied, “Is this your first date since your wife passed away?”

Bill answered, “No, I’ve had a few dates, but I’m not exactly Joe Stud, you know. But I’d like to impress her.”

I said, “Relax, I can tell you are nervous. But that’s ok, after all, this could become your future mate. Just slow down and calm down.”

“It goes without saying to wear a clean shirt. Smile when you greet her and shake her hand. No hug or kiss when you first approach each other. Men tend to talk too much when they are nervous. Be sure you ask questions about her. Encourage her to talk. Make direct eye contact with her. Smile. Use first-date etiquette; actually, any date etiquette.”

Bill said, “Thanks, that will help me break the ice. I will talk for no more than 40 percent of the time and ask her questions. Her profile says she still works full time. I will let you know how it goes.”

A few days later, after his first date, Bill sent me an update. “It went okay with Jackie. She is pretty. Will we see each other again? Probably. It could happen, but I’m unsure. Frankly, it wasn’t a great connection.  She didn’t ask me many questions. I’m 6’ 1; she’s 5’6”—so that works for me. Not too tall and not too short.

“You kind of know if a woman is very interested, somewhat interested or not interested in you. She is somewhat only. But who knows for sure?

“She is divorced and didn’t talk about her ex at all. When I mentioned my wife, this woman sort of felt bad but had no questions about me. When I talked about my interests, the conversation didn’t go very far, but we stayed with her interests and travels.

“It possibly could go somewhere, but I didn’t think she appreciated the breakfast sandwich and beverage because I would have liked a nice thank you for my effort (liked she kind of expected me to pay and I guess that’s ok.)

“She steered away from future plans. I didn’t ask if she wanted to get together again or make any future plans.

“We didn’t get into politics and talked about schools, kids and travel. I probably could have gotten a little more personal and asked what she thought of me. But I don’t want any rejection. We talked for over an hour, so it was going ok, but probably not a strong connection.

“So where does this go? I’m not sure and I’m not clear about my feelings. I could reach out again, but I may leave the ball in her court for her to reach out to me if she is interested enough. So maybe I will ghost her or send her a text in a week to see how she is doing.

 “I mentioned a few ideas about walking together on a hike near the beach or something and got no response on any idea she might have to do something. So, no, the date success wasn’t 100%, but more like 35%.

“At the end, I gave her a small hug, but she wasn’t responsive. So, it left me thinking, ‘Do I want to pursue her anymore?’ Maybe there would be too much work involved. She still works and seems busy. Perhaps some of my thoughts may help her. I want some kind of gratification or some kind of future interest to make me think that she and I want a relationship.

“Oh yes, I said at the very end, ‘Do you prefer a text or a call? She said ‘either.’ So, she could be still in it, but not who knows? Maybe it’s me because of my feelings. I don’t need to start chasing or try to create a fun experience. I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere.”

Tom’s Comment: So that’s how a nice gentleman feels. If there’s any message in Bill’s story for women, it’s that if you like a guy like Bill on a first date, be a little more assertive, showing affection like a kiss on the cheek and saying, “Let’s get together again.” And ask him more questions. However, what Jackie did may indicate that she doesn’t want to proceed seeing him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Senior dating sure has its challenges.

Seniors Living Together

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter November 29 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist

The June 7th eNewsletter was titled, “Senior Man Scammed.” One short paragraph in that article quoted a text I had received from a woman, age 61. We had dated two times for an hour each time. The age gap was 25 years.

She wrote, “If I move in with you, I wouldn’t want to be tossed to the street if you pass away before me, so I would need you to change your estate plan to leave me your home.”

That quote inspired Champ Virginia, Newport Beach CA, to write me. She emailed, “That younger woman was certainly ‘jumping the gun’ and she sounded like a gold digger. Women are just trying to survive, and that woman was no exception…her action however does bring up the question of living together at a senior age.

“No woman or man would want to be left homeless at this stage of the game. Moving is traumatic and highly stressful and even more so as our ages increase and health issues surface.”

And then Virginia wrote about different options that could be put in place to protect the surviving person if their mate, the homeowner, passes away first. An estate planner needs to be consulted before the move-in occurs and a pre-move-in agreement signed by both parties.

She continued, “The other option is to just continue dating each other and living apart (a bit of a hassle and not so comfortable or satisfying as living together).

“The senior age with inevitable health issues, as well as declining physical strength, and all that accompanies it make this scenario a conundrum.

“If people live together, and one develops dementia, cancer or another crippling disease, would they be obligated to stay together if they live together but aren’t married? That’s a sticky problem.

“It’s not like we are teenagers or mid-lifers, we don’t have the luxury timewise of just dating endlessly if we are seeking someone to be a life companion. Maybe a column about seniors living together would generate opinions that would be helpful to Champs.”

Virginia raises a good point. A column based on the inputs from Champs would be beneficial to lots of people. A possible topic: The pros and cons of senior couples living together.

Another Champ, Leslie, emailed, “Many people of our ages are with SO’s (significant others) but are not marrying. It bothers me that my SO doesn’t want to marry again. He’s a widower after 53 years of marriage.

“I’ve never married through my own fears, though I’ve have had several relationships and proposals. The ‘one’, in my 30’s, I ran from and wouldn’t marry anyone else.

“My widower SO says he will never marry again. I could marry him, we’re both 83. I talk to my doctor, and he cautions me to stay in the relationship because he’s known too many women who broke up with a man because things weren’t perfect, and then they couldn’t find another. Hence, I stay and accept that I’ll never marry. Your eNewsletters give me hope. 

“I was hoping, now, to experience marriage once. Our friends are married and there’s just a difference — a comfort they have in their commitment — that I don’t have. We basically live together, and it’s been almost eight years together, both are 83. I know many people remarry/marry, so to read about many couples not remarrying helps me.”

***

So, Champs, send me your opinions and experiences dealing with the “Pros and cons of seniors living together” issue. I’ll do a follow up column if I receive enough responses.

My Gratitude

Yesterday, of course, was Thanksgiving Day. I’m grateful for many things. But one of the biggest things is you, my Champs. Your responses to columns provide me with the material to generate future columns. I’ve formed friendships with many of you, although we may not have met in person. You’ve revealed your vulnerabilities. I hurt when you hurt.

You’ve shared advice that has been helpful to me personally. The eNewsletter has been published for 25 years. Let’s keep it moving forward. I’m grateful to all of you.

November 11 is Special To Me

(Photo courtesy Michelle Rivera)

On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter November 18 2024

Tom Blake Columnist

November 11 is Special to Me

Today’s eNewsletter is not about senior dating. Rather, it’s about being grateful to family and friends who love and support us. This became unexpectedly evident to me this past Monday, November 11, as the emotion of seeing people I love was so overwhelming it brought me to tears. I will explain later, but first some background info regarding November 11.

An armistice was declared on the 11th hour, of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 between the countries that had been fighting in World War I, also known as The Great War.

In 1938, November 11th became a federal holiday in the United States. It was called Armistice Day, honoring the end of World War I and the veterans who fought in it.  Why has November 11th always been special to me?

One year later, in 1939, I was born on Armistice Day, which also happened to be my Mom, Frances Pardee Blake’s birthday as well.

After World War II and the Korean War, the name Armistice Day was changed to Veterans Day. That name change made November 11th even more special to me. I am a Vietnam War veteran.

When the Vietnam War broke out, my ship, the USS Noble, APA 218, was one of the first three ships to arrive in the waters off South Vietnam. We had 3,000 battle-prepared Marines on board, many under 20 years of age.

On the night before they were going ashore, the line to get into the ship’s chapel was filled with Marines on all decks. One could barely move anywhere on the ship. Many of us in the wardroom prayed for those kids. As they were transferred to the jungles, I pondered how many would return alive. I still think about that question today, which is why I keep a lid on my birthday (Veterans Day) celebrations.  

As November 11 was approaching this year, I wanted to keep the day especially quiet meaning no big celebrations or no hoopla for me because I was becoming 85. And I was grateful, blessed, pleased, fortunate, and happy about reaching that milestone.

My significant other, Debbie, who has fought her own battles over the last five months—cancer surgery and reconstruction, radiation, recovery and witnessing, within inches of missing her, the trauma of a car out of control in front of the Mission Viejo Medical Center, that killed an older man entering the medical center, and then a month ago, suffering a horrendous fall on a concrete sidewalk—wanted to plan a small dinner party for me which I declined. I just wanted to quietly honor my mom and veterans on this emotional day and enjoy a nice meal with Debbie that night.

My friend Michelle (also known as Lady Hummingbird) wanted to take me to lunch that day with a friend of mine, but she wouldn’t say who. I accepted. Michelle requested I come to her house at 11:30 and we’d ride in her car to meet a friend of mine (a surprise) at a restaurant she had selected. I suspected it might be my former deli. That morning, Michelle texted. “Remember, women don’t like men to arrive early so please not before 11:30.” I thought that was an unusual request, but didn’t overthink it.

As Michelle drove down the hill toward Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, which I opened and operated for 25 years, she had her right-turn blinker on to get on Pacific Coast Highway northbound. I dismissed my suspicions that we might be going to the deli.

However, she made a near pit maneuver which led us immediately to the deli parking lot. I noticed my buddy Jim’s car parked outside so my suspicions were correct after all.

As we entered the deli, I glanced into the dining room and thought I was hallucinating. There were about 22 people standing next to a table with balloons and a Happy Birthday sign with a big number 85 in the middle on the wall behind the table. The 85 was a dead giveaway–that message was intended for me. I then understood why Michelle didn’t want me to arrive early, the guests were decorating and arrived before me.

I recognized every person there, each with a special connection from my past. I was overcome with emotions. I lost it. Tears were ‘free fallin’ from my eyes like the famous Tom Petty song. As big as raindrops like in the 1961 “Raindrops” Dee Clark song. (There are links to both songs below).

Johnny Cash music (Walk The Line) began, making me even more emotional as a fond memory of my friendship with him bubbled up.

The people were from different aspects of my life. I am so fortunate. There were four of my previous employees from the deli: Teresa, Debbie, and Sandy, each still working there, and Veronica, who is the mother of two young boys.

And two neighbor women were present, Kresta, who is married to Jake, from next door, and Colleen whose hubby is Alex, who live directly across the street. They look out for me, and I look out for them.

And three fantasy football pals. We have been together for 30 years in the TMFL (Tooter’s Morning Football League, named after its founder, me). Bruce Smith, John Hawkins (aka Hawk), and Vince Monfils.

Bruce and I also attended an Elton John/Billy Joel concert together in Las Vegas on February 18, 2001, at the MGM Grand Hotel. His wife’s daughter Jaime attended with him.

Besides being in TMFL, Vince was a tennis pro and then a buyer for the Ritz Carlton hotels in Southern California. He is now Vince The Hat Man. He custom designs the hats he and his life partner Julie sell at the Dana Point Farmers Market on most Saturdays.

Hawk and his wife Tracy have been close friends for 30 years. She has been working in the Capistrano Valley Unified School District for 28 years, 18 of those years as a high school teacher and the other 10 years in Guidance.

Jim Fallon, my current fantasy football coaching partner, and a member of the grief share group I belong to, secretly—to me at least—helped Michelle, who organized the event. I now understand why Michelle is so good as a home caregiver. Busy, efficient, and organized. Also helping Michelle was my significant other, Debbie, without me knowing about the two working together.

A member of my grief share group, Patty Beverly, San Clemente, was notified by Jim and fit the party into her busy schedule. The three of us have shared lots of sadness in the previous two years, remembering lost loved ones. This added to my emotionally charged day.

To top off the event, a fireman came into the deli for a sandwich. I didn’t recognize him but over the years Dana Point firemen were incredible customers. At numerous times they would be eating, and an emergency call would come in. They would bolt, leaving their food on the table. We would save it for them, often having to refrigerate the food until they returned. They appreciated us and us them.

The fireman asked the deli cashier what was going on, and when he found out, he walked over to me to thank me for my 25 years of feeding them and handed me a Special Operations Rescue medal. See enclosed pictures of front and back. His incredible gesture nearly knocked me off my feet.

I mentioned to Debbie that I was embarrassed for shedding so many tears. She looked at me and said, “Women love when men cry (at the right time), you were great.”

I said it reminded me of the Dee Clark song “Raindrops” with the lyrics, “…A man ain’t supposed to cry.”

She said, “Women like men who have the capacity to cry. I was proud of you.”

Who says 85 is old? This was the most positive emotional day in my life. Lesson learned as you grow older: Cherish your friends, family, and memories. Wake up on your birthday and say to yourself, this is the first day of my Xth year (the year after your birthday. For me, 85th birthday, the start of my 86thyear. And be happy you’ve made it this far.  

Link to Tom Petty’s “Free fallin’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lWJXDG2i0A

Link to Dee Clark’s song: Raindrops”

Responses to Debbie’s Fall

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 1, 2024

by Tom Blake Columnist

Last week’s article, A Night at the ER, about senior balance and falling, triggered the most responses from Champs ever. Most were well wishes to Debbie, my significant other, who had tripped on thick grass and injured herself when she landed on the concrete sidewalk. Here is a message from Debbie to Champs.

“To all of Tom’s Champs who were so kind, thoughtful, and supportive with your words of inspiration, stories, as well as very warm get-well wishes. I want to thank all of you, as hearing from so many of you not only cheered me up, during what I would call one of the most difficult weeks of my life, but was also uplifting for Tom, which was also a very difficult week for him. 

“The kindness he has shown you over his 30-plus years of writing is reciprocated back to him when he hears from you. I would also encourage all of you to write to him when you need or want to. Also, at the end of this eNewsletter, there is a link to Senior Safety, on the AgingCare.com website, something I discovered last week when searching for a concise list for myself as well as others. Again, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for all the well wishes.  Debbie”

Here are a few of those responses.

Delores, “Been there a few times. No fun.”

Carolyn, “My heart literally stopped after reading the first two sentences! I thought ‘Oh no, not again.’ Falls are most dangerous for seniors no matter how strong we are. I’m happy to hear that Debbie is doing well! Please continue to take good care of her and yourself!!

Thyrza, “Your description of your unexpected visit to the ER to accompany Debbie, reminds me of my ER experience last Tuesday. My medical oncologist called me early that morning, saying he saw an inflammation of my appendix. He urged me to go to the ER at Orange Coast Memorial in Fountain Valley where I had my cancer treatment.

“My son drove from San Juan Capistrano to Huntington Beach and took me to the ER. With all the blood work and a digital copy of my CT scam, the surgeon on duty decided I needed a laparoscopy to remove my appendix. I was in the hospital for two days. I am well into recovery. It shows how unpredictable life can be.I wish a speedy recovery for Debbie.”

Curtis, “Six hours to be seen and out is fast. Around here, it’s 10-12 hours just to be seen.”

Bill, “Thanks for sharing, I’m glad Debbie is ok. This is an excellent reminder to us seniors.’

Wayne, “You took good care of her. In one of your columns, you might suggest that seniors take exercise classes that stress balance. I’ve been doing it for 4 years and it’s quite helpful. A fall can happen at any time. Hope she has a full recovery, and you can complete that dinner date.”

Margo, “All I can say is OMG! Excellent newsletter this week and you can never remind the seniors too often to be careful. Even though I try to be careful, I’ve had two mishaps this year (while hiking and bike riding), both were pretty bad but I’ve recovered. 

“I was very lucky. Nothing broken but still recovering in some spots from the deep abrasions.”

Gloria, “What an ordeal for you and Debbie, I am happy to hear that she is not more seriously injured although bad enough by the sound of your story.

“As we age, senior falls and injuries are not uncommon, we just don’t see them coming. I also think it takes a mental toll when you’re injured.”

Cherie, “I had a near-death experience last year. I had to call 911 but was so out of it that I could hardly dial the number. No one was around to help me. I was barely able to dial. The ambulance came and took me to the ER. I received a blood transfusion. I had a stomach bleed and would have bled to death had I not been able to get help. 

“What I learned: I now have a panic button which is a direct line to emergencies. I recommend this for all seniors. I also will be eternally grateful to the men and women in emergency. I was in intensive care for one night and then in the hospital for two more nights. We must know how to take care of ourselves and use the wonderful facilities at our disposal.” 

Jim, Always be careful of our surroundings and try to balance as much as possible. Always go to ER if there is a head injury. And look around for any kind of hazard that can cause a fall. Be careful of ladders. Try balancing on one foot for 5-20 minutes.”

(Hey Jim, how about balancing on one foot for 10 seconds?)

Carol, “I worry about falling every day…old age!” 

Dr. David Allen, a fraternity brother of mine, the State Commissioner of Health for Kentucky, 1980-83. “Trips to the ER are exhausting and terrifying!”

Bonnie, “You made the best decision. I have been to that emergency room. They are great. Prayer for Debbie for a full recovery. God hears us when we ask.”

The link to the General home safety tips that Debbie referred to is

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/making-home-safer-for-seniors-a-room-by-room-assessment-121363.htm

I recommend you click on this link and print out a copy for yourself. Granted it seems a lot to comprehend. However, implementing just one tip might save you or a loved one from a fatal fall.

Tom’s Final Comment: I appreciate your participation. If none of us falls or has a serious accident this week, we will get back to the senior dating topics next week. Send me your dating questions and comments. 

A Week of Little Blessings

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter September 13, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist

An eight-foot statue of Johnny Cash is being unveiled in the Nation’s Capitol Emancipation Hall on September 24. I thought, how cool, I’d love to be there, but I assumed it would be an exclusive “by invitation only” event. I searched online for details.

I saw a copy of the formal invitation sent to United States Senators and House Members. Even they had to RSVP to reserve a seat and indeed, it was an “invitation-only” event. I telephoned the Sargeant Of Arms spokesperson listed on the invitation and she told me there was no way I could get a seat on my own. She did mention that a limited number of seats had been set aside for Cash family members and suggested I contact them.

I’ve known Rosanne Cash, Johnny’s daughter, for nearly 50 years. On a whim, I sent Danny, Rosanne’s road manager, an email request to ask Rosanne if there might be an empty seat left that I could occupy. For luck, I put on my Johhny Cash t-shirt before venturing out for the day.

Within minutes, Danny responded: “I’m sorry Tom, Rosanne has already used up her allotment.” I thought about guys like Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson who are probably on Rosanne’s list so I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. However, being able to dream like that at my age is a little blessing.

My next-door neighbors, Jake and Kresta, have a son who lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and they own a home there. They visit often. A friend of mine who also owns a home in Nashville but lives in Dana Point stopped by my house that day to hopefully meet them. I introduced her to them. They compared notes and found that their homes are in the same suburb only a few blocks apart. They became friends. That was a little blessing. What a small world.

A while later, still wearing my Johnny Cash t-shirt, I stopped at Trader Joe’s. When checking out, there were two young men (age 20 or less) working the cash register together. While placing my items in a paper bag, one of the guys saw my t-shirt and said, “Do you like Johnny Cash?”

I replied, “Yes, I knew him and worked with him for two years. He was a great guy.”

The boy’s face lit up; he said excitedly, “I love Johnny Cash. I love Johnny Cash. The next time you come in can we take some time, and you tell me more about him?”

Here was a young man approximately 64 years younger than me and we both admire Johnny Cash. We had an immediate connection. That was a little blessing.

And speaking of Trader Joe’s, I’ve owned a black and red T.J.’s insulated bag for at least 20 years. I’ve taken it on trips overseas multiple times. It’s virtually a world traveler. It’s so versatile, lightweight, and convenient.

The day after being at Trader Joe’s, I walked to the sidewalk in front of my house. There was a new Trader Joe’s canvas tote bag, exactly like mine, on a bush near the sidewalk. It was empty except for a pink Gelson’s Market receipt that showed a name and a telephone number. I thought to myself, “I bet the owner would like to have that bag back. And if I leave it out here near the sidewalk, anybody walking by could snatch it.”

I brought the bag inside and texted the number on the receipt to explain I had found the bag. A day went by, no response. I decided to leave a voice message. Three hours later, the phone rang. It was Jack, the bag’s owner. I suggested we meet somewhere so I could give him his bag. I told him the name of my street.

He told me his. Same street. Turns out, he lives at number 5, and I live at number 15–50 yards away but around the corner. Both of us have been in the neighborhood for years. We had never met. And, now, we are friends. That was another little blessing.

This week, I stopped at Tutor and Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point. A woman I’ve known for 30 years named Eileen Gordon, a personal trainer who works in the same center, was there and we chatted for a few minutes.

I sell my books at the deli. A delightful employee named Apple told me a woman customer named Wendy Adam had bought one of my “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark” books that I published in 2021. Wendy had left the book at the deli hoping I would sign below the picture on page 232.

The picture on page 232 is of Vern McGarry, a loyal deli customer, an accomplished skydiver, and the volunteer coach of the 2007 Dana Hills High School track and field high jumpers. Three high jumpers were also in the picture. Vern sadly passed away a few years ago.

And then Apple said with a tear in her eye, that one of the jumpers was Wendy’s son Jeff Adam. And that he had passed away unexpectedly at age 20, which is why Wendy wanted that page signed. Apple had Wendy’s phone number and called her to tell her I was at the deli signing the book.

As fate would have it, Wendy was doing personal training at Eileen’s exercise gym.

As I was about to sign under the picture, Wendy came into the deli. We had never met. I asked her about her son Jeff. She told me how Jeff had passed; it was a day after he performed in a decathlon event. She and I hugged. There were tears all around. Thanks to Apple for being so considerate and caring toward Wendy. What a little blessing that event at the deli was.

Blessings come in all sizes. I experienced them this past week.  And I am blessed.

Sea of Photos

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – August 9, 2024

Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

In last week’s eNewsletter, Scott, a man in his 50s, asked if he should be concerned when he saw “My True Love” on his widowed girlfriend’s cell phone. It was her deceased husband’s number. Several Champs shared their opinions.

Jane emailed, “My first thought when I read this was what a sweet response the woman gave to Scott when he saw ‘My True Love’ on her cellphone, describing her husband before he passed away.

“She could have said, ‘Yes, he was my only true love’ but instead she said, ‘I’ll have to come up with another name for you.’

“I am a very nick-name-kind-of-person. Giving someone a special name to me means they are loved and have a place in my heart.

“I hope Scott can get past his insecurity. His woman sounds like a keeper.”

Tom’s comment: Jane makes a strong point about nicknames and affectionate terms we create for people we love and care about. I use “Speedo” as Debbie’s nickname, and she uses “Myrtle” as my nickname. Always stated with a smile.

Alicia, “At my age, 72, it will not be surprising that I may come across this situation myself. It was a good refresher for me to see one of the responses you posted about my brother.

“Update on him: he and his 2nd wife were married for a couple of years and divorced. He continues to say he can’t wait to join his first wife in heaven and still cries for her. 

“He is the type of man who doesn’t want to be alone, he has a new lady friend. It’s his life and I want him to be happy. 

“She told him she was not interested in a serious relationship and wanted no physical benefits. He continues to do handyman favors for her and is willing to pay for trips and dinners. Well, at 74, he needs to live his life his way. He says she is fun to be around, so at least he’s enjoying himself. 

Tom’s comment: “Trips and ongoing dinners with no benefits? I’m guessing but I imagine some of our men Champs, including me, won’t go for that arrangement. However, as men reach 70, some might accept the senior no-sex aspect.

Jim, “The reader in last week’s eNewsletter who stated ‘just move on’ probably had a divorce which is much different than having a spouse or mate pass away.

“Many widowed people usually think more about their past love than divorced people think about theirs.”

Leslie (name changed by request), emailed, “I dated a very nice widower after my divorce, whom I met on Match.com. He treated me well, was funny, and was very smart.

“But upon visiting his home he had a wall-to-wall shrine to his dearly departed wife. The focal point was a HUGE portrait of her, with smaller photos bedecking every flat surface. 

“I. Just. Couldn’t. I understand his attachment. It must have been a horrible loss for him when she passed. But visiting him was a total immersion in a sea of photos, mementos, and ephemera. 

Tom’s comment: I admit I had to look up the meaning of the word ephemera. It’s a noun meaning things like old papers, letters, and boxes that are meant to be used for only a short period and then can be tossed away.

Also, I liked Leslie’s “sea of photos” reference. It made me think of a 1958 hit song by Don Gibson, called “Sea of Heartbreak.” It’s an oldie but goodie, the link is below.

Leslie continued, “I quit seeing him because it was obvious that he needed more time to grieve for her. I have enough friends already. I wanted at least an available partner. 

“He is not a “Match” for me, I’m afraid. I’m not saying that the place should be stripped of all evidence. But I AM saying that it takes a special person to be ok with dating in what is, essentially, a museum of constant reminders of how perfect this past spouse was. That’s great, but it’s not for me.”

Bruce, “I will always have some mementos of my deceased wife in my home for my kids to see, if for nothing else. It is what it is as far as I am concerned.”

Christine, (expert dating and relationship coach), “I have a divorced client who is dating a widower and saw a FB post that called his widow the love of his life, and my client called me before she said anything to him. I was sympathetic to how she felt. Non-widowed people often have this feeling.

“I explained ‘she isn’t here’ and ‘can’t come back’ (like her ex-husband) and confirmed how he treats her.

“We also talked about what a loving man he is to her and part of the reason is because he loved his late wife so much. She returned to the man and told him she adored how much he loved his late wife and how proud she was to be with a man who posted such a loving message to her on FB.”

Tom’s ending comments

We all grieve differently. Having photos and mementos of a deceased spouse or loved one is natural. Everyone I know who has lost a special person has photos and other memory items in his or her home.

When we start dating again, we will remove some of these items but not all. Potential new partners must be prepared for those items and accept them. Losing love can be a “Sea of Heartbreak.” And finding love again is a compromise on both sides of the fence.

However, as Leslie stated above, if the new person’s home is a shrine to their deceased love, they are likely not ready for anyone else to enter their life.

Link to Sea of Heartbreak:

Sea of Heartbreak