On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – Page 14

Age is just a number

Age is just a number
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter
June 18, 2021
by Tom Blake columnist

(The article today has been edited for length and clarity)

Senior dating at 80+ Marjorie & Hans – Love across the pond

Marjorie, 87, (photo above on left) emailed this week about her senior long-distance romance with a man from Amsterdam, “My motto: be interested and interesting. My passion is traveling and enjoying the visual arts.

“My Amsterdam relationship began in 1998 when my engineer companion and I did a house exchange with Hans and his wife, who lived in Amsterdam.
“Hans’s wife died in 2014. He came to California in 2015. We took a trip together and discovered we were meant to travel together. We have crossed the Atlantic six times traveling in Europe and the USA.

The pandemic has limited us to daily Skypes. Will we travel again at our age? I’m not sure. Hans is 84.” The photo of us above was taken in my 90-year-old artist friend’s home (she is in the middle).

More on senior love

Two weeks ago, the June 4 eNewsletter featured three independent women, Paula, Kathy, and Leslie. Champ Art, Margate, Florida, commented about each woman’s situation.

But first, a reminder about Paula, age 75, who moves to a new city every two years or so, and renovates homes, and then flips them. We included a picture of her two Bassett Hounds in that June 4 issue. Paula said, “The only way I can do what I do is to be single.”

Art said, “It’s interesting that Paula has not grown roots, and still has that wanderlust feeling about herself. I’m 82 and find meeting (potential mates) very easy, but I would not want to become interested in a woman who has not found a man to call a keeper or a place to call home by the time she is 75.

And Art said this about Kathy: “Her issue, being allergic to most animals, could never work for me. I love animals and have two cats at home.”

Regarding Leslie, age 80, who met her fiance four years ago, Art said, “I congratulate Leslie on her engagement. Her independence is a trait I admire if not carried too far. Leslie has found her way to thrive in a singles world.”

Art added, “When my wife passed in 2007 I thought that I would never know love again, but by learning how to use POF (Plenty of Fish) and putting a lot of thought into my writing, I have been blessed beyond my expectations.

“I am currently dating a 79-year-old woman who lives about a half-hour from my house. We are both vegetarians, both of us love live theater, and we each find the other attractive and fun to be with.”

Even more on senior love

One of our Champs is Tammy La Gorce, the New York Times “Weddings” columnist. This week Tammy shared a column she wrote about two 95-year-olds who just got married.

She thought I’d like the last two sentences from her article, which are quoted below:
“Nobody starts life at 95,” Ms. Morrow-Nulton said. “But we did.”

“I’m not lonely anymore,” Mr. Shults said. Better still, “I don’t think we’ll get sick of each other.”

Here is a link to Tammy’s story:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/07/style/wedding-bells-for-two-95-year-olds.html?smid=tw-share

P.S. You may be asked to subscribe to the Times’s online edition, for a very reasonable rate.

Part 2 – Champ Larry on Lake Michigan

Grand Haven Sunset Larry — Larry and his daughter on Lake Michigan during sunset

Grand Haven Lake Michigan Sunset – June 2021

Last year, Champ Larry, (above, with his daughter a week ago), contacted me, saying he would be in the Dana Point area and asked if we could meet for lunch. He mentioned that he was retired, single, widowed, living in Florida, and spent summers in a beach city on Lake Michigan.

Having grown up in Michigan, I asked, “Where in Michigan?”
Larry said, “Grand Haven.” I was amazed. I told him that my mom had grown up in Grand Haven and our family had rented a cottage there for a month during several different summers.

“What was your mom’s maiden name?” Larry asked.

“Frances Pardee.”

Larry said, “I knew a man named George Pardee. He hired me for my first job in Grand Haven. He worked for the Peerless Novelty Company.”

I was even more amazed. George Pardee was my uncle. Turns out, Larry was the City Manager of Grand Haven for years, before moving to Florida where he was a City Manager in a beach city there. He and my uncle became good friends.

Larry and I met for lunch and found we had even more in common.
Two weeks ago, he was visiting South Orange County again (his daughter lives here) and we met for coffee for a couple of hours. So, Larry is another Champ who has become a special friend.

Is he single? Well, yes, but let’s put it this way. He seems to have met some nice potential mates in Florida. I’m certain he will keep me posted on what happens in that regard.

Thanks to Larry for sending the photo. I encourage other Champs to do the same thing, along with some biographical information.

Seniors are getting the travel bug

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 11, 2021
by columnist Tom Blake
(The article today has been edited for length and clarity)

cheryl and guy new orleans — **Guy and Cheryl – Mission Viejo, California**

Seniors are on the move and traveling again

Senior travel is back. Despite the pandemic, Champ Cheryl and her husband Guy (That’s Guy and Cheryl in the photo above) managed to travel.

Cheryl explained: “Last July, Guy and I wanted to venture out of California when our international trip was canceled. So, we rented a Silverado dual cab and went on a 7,000-mile road trip for five weeks culminating in New Orleans.

“We visited nine states and had fun seeing how other states were dealing with the pandemic. We enjoyed visiting family and friends along the way.
“It gave us a lift as we returned home to Covid restrictions in California.

Almost everything in New Orleans was closed. We did get a beignet (deep-fried pastry with powdered sugar) at Cafe Du Monde in the French Quarter of course!”

Now, Cheryl and Guy are going to travel internationally. She continued, “After being canceled for two years, we have received confirmation of our flights and hotels for Vienna, Prague, Budapest, and more. We are traveling alone and conduct a great deal of research on each destination.

“Six years ago, I made a quickly scribbled note about your Travelafter55.com website, which you said describes a trip to Budapest that you and Greta took.

“Could you let us know how to access that information on the website? No rush because we do not depart until August for a month. Before we go, I like to have as much information about a city or site. Travel books are basic help but I like information from reliable people I know.”

Tom’s response: “Travelafter55.com is the right website. On the home page, look at the archive listings in the right-hand column. Click on the May 2015 archive. That will take you directly to Budapest and the subsequent river cruise (on Viking) we took from there to Vienna, continuing to Amsterdam.

“Our visit to Prague was eight years earlier when we took the Orient Express train from Venice to Prague and on to Paris. Click on the April 2007 archive to read about Prague. Note: you will first see an article about Valencia, Spain, but scroll down pass that to read about the train trip and the visit to Prague.
Travel After 55.com website

“You are going to love your trip.”

Thyrza emailed “Since I am free to travel until my next doctor six-month check-up, I plan to take a seven-day cruise to Greece with Holland America Line. Short enough but long enough to just relax and get pampered. My sweet doctor said I can’t be sitting around waiting for the next six-month check-up. I think for us seniors this is true: tomorrow is today.

Larry, a former neighbor I’ve known for 30 years, lives with his fiancee in the Phillippine Islands. When the pandemic hit, he was in the United States on business for a few months.

Since then, he has been unable to fly back to The Phillippines. He’s had seven different flights booked and then canceled by the airlines or the Philippines government.

He emailed this week: “Now I’m shooting for a flight to Manila on July 10th.”
So, it appears that Larry will be able to give his fiancee a long-overdue hug next month. I am hoping for him.

You will remember Champ Carmen, who lives in Barra de Navidad Mexico. He’s the one we wrote about a month ago who was corresponding with Annalisa, 69, who lives in Milan, Italy.

He’s planning to travel soon; I’m not sure if it will be to Milan, Italy, or Michigan, or somewhere else in the USA. He’ll let us know.

My partner Greta and I love to travel. We’ve had our Covid-19 vaccinations, our passports are up-to-date, and we’re raring to go. But, just to be cautious, we’re going to wait a few more months to cruise or possibly go see our friend Carmen who might still be in Italy.

Cruise ships are starting to appear in U.S. ports, which is an encouraging sign, for those of us who enjoy cruising.
Senior travel–so much fun when there are no restrictions.

Senior downsizing and getting rid of stuff

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter May 21 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior downsizing, relocating and getting rid of stuff

As we age, we start to realize that we may need to make some changes in our lives such as possibly relocating, downsizing, and clearing out clutter and “stuff.”

Last week, the above message was delivered to me loud and clear.
My nephew Derek made a special trip from Dallas to California to meet with me for three hours and then he met with my sister for three hours in heart-to-heart discussions.

Derek’s dad, our brother Bill, passed away on January 19. Derek is the executor of Bill’s estate. And while there was a will and estate plan, Derek said there was so much stuff that executing the estate had been a nightmare.

Looking me directly in the eye, he emphatically stressed the need for older people (as in yours truly) to clear out “stuff” while they still can, and not leave the task for their kids or someone else to try to figure out who gets what, and what to keep and what to toss out.

In some cases, growing older necessitates starting over in one’s life. Today, we share situations that three of our women Champs are dealing with. It’s called “starting over.”

Joanne, Albuquerque, New Mexico On April 24, Joanne wrote, “No one needs extra stress right now. I’m waiting for an apartment on the west side of Albuquerque to become available. It’s HUD so it could take a while.

“In the meantime, I will be staying with friends in Reno. I’ve rented for 40 years and have never been treated like this. We’ve had three property managers in 10 months. When they don’t want to be bothered by you, they block your phone number, etc…

“So, I’m putting my ‘stuff’ in a storage place on May 17 and plan to leave for Reno on the 18^th. It’s a two-day drive from Albuquerque. I’ll stay in Reno to help my friend for a couple of months and when the next apartment is available, I’ll come back to ABQ and live on the west side of town. I swore I wasn’t ever moving again.”

Jackie, Illinois “I’m selling my house, the home in Illinois that Randy provided for me in his will, to move back to Georgia to be near my children. I’m starting over.

“Once I get settled or after I do some traveling, I’ll see if God has someone once again for me as I had with Randy, and like the Italian love story from last week’s eNewsletter.

“I’ve been told it’s a good real estate seller’s market now and I have no reason to be here anymore. I’ll take the leap to put it on the market on May 24. I hope once everything is over I can visit my sister and we came come to another one of your Meet and Greets at your former deli, Tutor and Spunky’s in Dana Point, as we did in May 2019.

“I’m sure you will be giving us an update from last week’s eNewsletter on Annalisa and Carmen. The ‘Where Do I Begin?’ song by Andy Williams took me back to the 1970s.”

Susan, Virginia,

“I hope the meeting between Annalisa and Carmen will lead to something. I am lonely too, been alone for a very long time, was okay with it for a while, but now feeling it much more. I’m getting ready to move and that in its self is very stressful. Downsizing. ‘Where do I begin?’

“I keep shredding paper and there is a lot of it. I got rid of 11 pounds of paper today and about eight pounds last week.

“I don’t have much big furniture, so that is a plus. I once had a big house and moving from that place where my kids grew up was hard. I moved in with my daughter for a while and that was fun. I then moved in with my son, before he was married, and then I moved to an apartment, and now, moving again!

“When my ex-husband passed away eight years ago, he left nothing in order! My daughter handled the estate. It was very hard on her to sort everything out!

“I have to move again because the rent where I am now living keeps going up, so I’m moving to a less expensive place–an over 62 community.

“It has been a long journey for me divorcing in my 60’s and the things I went through. I could write a book on divorcing later in a woman’s life. There was nothing out there at that time to help women and I still don’t think there is now!

“A good divorce lawyer is worth his or her weight in gold. I didn’t have one to protect me, and I didn’t have the money to continue fighting the ex. I also was just getting out of treatment for breast cancer, but, I did walk away with something: my health.

“I am 79 and wishing that I was younger. Having to make a change again at his late date is not fun.”

Tom’s comment: Relocating, downsizing, and/or getting rid of “stuff” can be a pain in the rear, I understand that. But, it also can be a positive new beginning. It’s something that nearly all Champs need to get busy on, especially getting rid of “stuff.” Greta and I know we need to get that done.

And the result of relocating can be rewarding. A new environment will mean new challenges of learning the local area. One will meet new people, make new friends, and encounter new adventures. It’s a chance to start over, to stimulate one’s brain and muscles. It could lengthen and enrich a person’s life.

Good luck to the above three Champs. Please let us know how it’s working out for you.

Senior dating eNewsletter: keeping it fresh

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 19, 2021

by columnist Thomas P Blake

Senior dating eNewsletter: keeping it fresh

The pandemic has made producing this weekly On Live and Love after eNewsletter a challenge. The reason? Many Champs—not all—have hunkered down in their homes and haven’t gotten out of the house as much as they would have during normal times.

Hence, they have less to say about life and love after 50. The stories, experiences, questions, and comments from Champs have slowed to a trickle.

Champs are the voices of people age 50 and beyond—often far beyond. We’ve got subscribers in their 90s. And at the other end of the age spectrum, we’ve got Champs in their 40s.

(The latter are mostly women who are dating considerably older men. These women often take issue with me, claiming that I infer they only want the old guy’s money. They say, “I’m with him because I love him.” I roll my eyes.)

There are weeks when I say to Greta, “I have no idea what the hell I’m going to write about this week.” I ask myself, “Why do I continue writing these eNewsletters? Why do I keep hammering them out after 26 years, having inked more than 4,000 articles?”

(That total is a combination of newsletters and newspaper articles)

Greta says, “You do it because you love it, you are helping people, and it’s good for your brain and helps keep you young.”

And then an email arrives from a Champ that rekindles my enthusiasm. In this week’s case, the email came from Patrick Hynes, a Champ I’ve known for more than 40 years. We’ve mentioned Patrick a few times in our articles. He and I worked for the restaurant chain Victoria Station in the 1970s. We did not know each other then, but have resurrected so many memories it seems like we did.

Patrick is an interesting man; he loves to write. For about six months, he’s been publishing a short blog titled “Patrick’s Brief Encounters…Snippets of my life in America.” He is a native of Australia.

At Tutor and Spunky’s Deli Meet and Greet: Tom, deli owner Samantha, and Patrick (photo by Tom)

For a few years, Patrick was a public relations executive for the Anaheim Hilton Hotel, near Disneyland. In that capacity, he met several VIPs: Mohammed Ali, Joe DiMaggio, Charlton Heston, to name a few. And that’s what he writes about, those brief encounters with famous folks, including photos. He’s written 31 “Brief Encounters.”

In his email this week, Patrick’s said: “I am running out of steam with my ‘brief encounters’ blog…and I’m anxious to move on to a new theme.”

I wrote back, “What? Out of steam after only six months?” And yet, I understood. It’s tough to keep writing fresh material without inputs from readers.

Patrick added, “I am blown away with your longevity (26 years) and fresh eNewsletters and columns. I feel honored to have been mentioned in some of them.”

Patrick’s comment gave me a shot in the arm (not to be confused with Greta’s and my Covid dose #2, which we received two weeks ago), a boost to my morale, and a recommitment to keep producing these weekly eNewsletters.

Patrick’s comment was from a person who understands and appreciates the challenges of keeping a blog/eNewsletter or newspaper column fresh. A little appreciation goes a long way.

Our Champ Patrick Hynes

People ask, “How many Champs receive this weekly eNewsletter?” I send out approximately 2,000 each week on Friday. Of course, not all of them are opened. Hence, I resend the column on Sunday to those readers who did not open, which is why some weeks Champs might receive two copies (because they didn’t open the Friday one).

While our readers are mainly located in the USA, other countries represented include Canada, the UK, Australia, and South Africa.

This week, a widow from Budapest, Hungary, subscribed. I sent her a ‘welcome’ email, telling her that Budapest is one of the great cities in the world. I based my comment on a 2016 visit there that Greta and I enjoyed.

The widow replied, “I m a widova for 3 years – after more than 20 years together – and just trying to understand life, love, and men.” So welcome to her.

Also, recently readers have subscribed from the Philippines and the Canary Islands (Spain). And welcome to them.

So I remind you. If we want the “On Life and Love After 50” eNewsletter to continue arriving on a weekly basis, keep reaching out, sending me your material. Encourage friends to join us.

Note from Tom: I have a http://www.travelafter55.com website. It covers several years of travel that Greta and I have taken. Lots of photos. Once at the travel site, if you scroll to April 2016, you can read about and view photos of our visit to Budapest.
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And now, some “brief encounters” with Champs this week:

Carol, 73, wrote: “Regarding those women who preach stop looking so hard for a man or how wonderful it is living alone, I say: ‘That makes no sense to me. I’ve been happily independent for over a decade.’

“Having friends, family, and activities does not alleviate the desire for slow dancing with a partner, or snuggling up for a movie, or in front of the fireplace, or hugging and exchanging backrubs. The desire for the company of a man does not imply some inherent shortcoming in a woman’s life.”

Gina emailed, “If you walk daily on a beach pedestrian path or nature trail, around the same time each day, you start to see some of the same people. Say hello and good morning to as many people who make eye contact.

“I have met a nice man and we go on walking dates. I’m not into the awkward dinner dates anymore. Walking and great conversation is perfect.”

Future topics: I’d like to write about two issues in future columns:

1. Health issues as we age and our partners grow older as well (names can be withheld)

2. A Champ wondered why widows or widowers who have new relationships still display pictures of their deceased spouses, seemingly everywhere, including at their homes and on Facebook. How should we respond to her comment.

Let’s hear your opinions.

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 5, 2021

by Tom Blake – Columnist

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

(Note: This eNewsletter has been slightly edited for length and clarity.)

Two weeks ago, this eNewsletter put Sarasota, Florida on the senior dating map. How? Margaret, one of our Champs, had purchased two rental properties there. She mentioned how friendly the people living there are, and that she’s met many senior single men. I, tongue-in-cheek, raised the question, “Is Sarasota a mecca for senior singles?”

Last week’s article featured responses, which I selected, from 11 Champs about what Margaret had written. Oh my gosh, those responses were all over the place, not to mention the ones I didn’t include.

Some enjoyed what she said, others took shots at her, some made false assumptions, and some wondered why women are even looking for a mate at this stage of their lives.

And the latter point is the subject of today’s eNewsletter. I’m including responses from two women about why women shouldn’t be so focused on finding a man.

Plus, I’m sharing Margaret’s impression and thoughts about the diverse responses to her Sarasota article.

Please note: these are not my opinions; I am merely sharing what Champs have said.

Champ Bev emailed, “I moved to Florida three months ago, and while I did not move to Sarasota, I must say that a person will be happy wherever she or he ‘chooses’ to be happy. When people stop focusing on just meeting someone, marriage, etc., and instead start to focus on what brings them happiness, they will be happy anywhere. Happiness begins from within you, not from meeting someone to fill empty holes.

“You need to start by filling the holes yourself. Once you are right in your heart, the rest will naturally fall into place. I liked what Kathy said about not expecting a line of senior single men at the airport in Florida, hoping to meet women. I think that is true of any place, and we need to remain realistic otherwise disappointment sets in.”

Althea shared, “Your newsletters are always interesting. Your Feb. 26 article was cool. I like how you include people’s comments. Maria’s comment was right to the point when she suggested that for all the complaining and searching that some women do to find a single man…that those women were too ‘man-hungry.’

“I wonder why divorced, single or widowed women over 65 need a man? Especially so desperately. If they are set financially, have a home, have family and friends around them, why do they need a man to date, or live with? Haven’t they all been there, done that?

“If they accidentally by fate meet a man and the two of them have things in common, sure, why not spend time together? Great!

“But why the need to go looking and acting so anguished and desperate? Are senior women–after they have lived with a husband for 40, 50, or, 60 years–unable to live alone?

“I can understand the ones who need a man to live with to share finances. But the drawbacks and possible problems that could arise might outweigh the benefit. Been there done that. I’d rather live in a tent.”

Margaret said, “The funny thing about the Sarasota article is that at age 65, I am not looking for a date or a relationship as I am very busy with my family, friends and maintaining my properties right now. Maybe sometime in the future.

“I kept reading in Tom’s eNewsletter articles about women wondering ‘where the men are?’ and thought the Sarasota demographics were interesting. My suggestion to women who are looking for a man is to stop trying so hard.

“Go out, enjoy life, be active, have fun with girlfriends and/or men friends, start a book club, play cards, go hiking, bike riding, walk and travel. Life is too short and precious to waste ‘isolating’ at home or ‘waiting’ for the right person to come along. And, when I do go out, I wear a mask, contrary to what a couple of Champs assumed.

“You can choose to let life get you down and have a negative attitude but it will show in your face, body language, what you say, and/or complain about. Or you can choose to pick yourself up, be positive, and look forward to all the wonderful possibilities.

“These past few years I have lost family members that I loved. Then I lost my health due to a bike accident. I could have isolated at home and felt sorry for myself, but I had wonderful friends and other family members that supported and loved me and most importantly made sure I was not alone.

“Through their love, I was able to live life happily again. Some ‘holes’ that Bev talked about will never be filled when a loved one is lost, but there is always hope for happier days ahead. The Florida properties have kept me busy and I am grateful for that. Spending time with my childhood best girlfriend who encouraged me to buy in Sarasota has been such a sweet blessing and helped me in showing me around Sarasota. She was originally a CA girl but retired with her husband in Sarasota.

“Lastly, we can choose to be a “Negative Nancy” or a “Positive Polly.” I think the reason I have met so many nice men in Sarasota is that I am friendly, have no problem being the first to initiate a conversation (This does not necessarily involve flirting, just laughing/joking while waiting in line at the grocery store or asking for help at the hardware store) and I am generally a happy person, quick to smile or laugh and interested in what the other person has to say.”

Something to ponder

Wayne (written with a big smile) asked, “I got my second Covid vaccine shot. Should I put that on my dating profile?”

My comment: Hilarious. But it’s a good question in that it may reveal people’s different opinions on the government’s and health-care experts’ mandates regarding COVID-19.

Keep the comments coming so I can keep the eNewsletters coming.

Where to meet senior men in 2021

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – January 15, 2021

by Tom Blake

Where to meet senior men in 2021

Annette, 60, contacted me. She wrote: “I moved to Dana Point (California) three months ago. I am independent, work from home, attend church, and like to walk and bike ride. I want to meet a husband.

“I am a youthful lady and usually date younger men. Do you have any recommendations on where to meet a decent man?”

My response: I know of no place where men 60+ hang out, hoping to meet single women close to their age. Places like that simply don’t exist—in Dana Point, San Clemente, New York City, or Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania (where one of our Champs lives).

Because I’ve answered that question or similar questions 500 times or more in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50, normally I would give you my usual quick answer:

“Get off the couch and out of the house. Pursue the activities you enjoy. Meet new people. Be assertive.”

But times are drastically different in 2021. The pandemic has changed how we live and date. We are encouraged to stay home. We are told not to mingle with people. Restaurants and bars are closed. Social events are canceled. We wear masks. Where to meet single men, let alone decent single men, is not an easy question to answer during the pandemic.

Plus, Annette, with you working at home, it makes meeting people more challenging in that you aren’t out and about as much compared to if you were working away from home.

Where to meet senior men in 2021? This quickly brings us to Internet dating, which could become your primary tool during the pandemic. Why? It’s Covid-19 safe, as long as you stay home. The web allows people to cast their nets beyond where they live, dramatically increasing their chances of meeting a potential mate.

On face-to-face dates, you would likely be wearing a mask (or should be). You don’t know if a person has facial hair, bad teeth, a lip tattoo, or some other feature that might not appeal to you. Whereas, with Internet dating, you can see a person’s face without a mask when doing Zoom, face time, or Skype.

I recommend limiting your search to people living within 25 miles or so. Long-distance relationships are particularly challenging, especially with the pandemic in full force and seniors don’t want to be driving far these days (If at all).

There are multiple dating websites seniors can use. Free ones–such as Plenty of Fish (POF) and OkCupid (owned by Match.com)—to subscription-based, such as Ourtime, Match, Silversingles, and eharmony. The latter sites cost approximately $30 per month per site but the cost varies by site. It’s up to each person to decide if she uses just one site at a time, or two or more. Of course, the monthly cost will increase for each site in use.

Paid sites usually offer better service and results when compared to free sites, although I’ve heard from many singles who’ve met mates on POF.

On January 12, a program on GMA said Instagram is a good place to find single men. But the program didn’t specify it that applied to seniors. The key: post your presence in as many places as possible, while keeping an eye on the costs.

Cardinal rule: Never give or send money to a stranger.

Beware of the dangers in Internet dating. You have to be very careful and smart. There are scammers on every site. Internet dating scams are numerous and everywhere. Be careful with what you reveal about yourself.

Only meet strangers in a public place and tell a friend where and with whom you are meeting. Even have the friend observing from nearby to ensure you are safe.

Trust your instincts. If your gut says something is not right about a person you’re communicating with, take heed and stop that contact.

Annette, I think you should do as you are starting to do: try to meet as many people as possible around Dana Point–not just men. Women friends are important as well. When you are walking or biking, wear a ballcap with something catchy on the brim, these can be conversation starters.

And when you see a guy with a conversation starter on the brim of his hat, comment to him about it.

Champ Patrick Hynes says, “I now alternate between my Aussie Kangaroo cap and my University of Oregon Duck cap. I will report which one is the most successful.”

Also, have personal cards, similar to business cards, made. Carry them with you at all times. On the cards, Include a recent flattering picture of yourself, your first name, and your email address only. I suggest withholding your last name until you get to know the person to whom you handed a card. Do not include your telephone number or street address; you can divulge this information later when you feel confident about the man.

The reason for the cards? Make it easy for a man to contact you. No searching for a pen and piece of paper to write your email address down. Just hand him a card.

So, where to meet a decent man?

Anywhere and everywhere: In line at the post office, in the produce section or wine section of a store, waiting for your car to be washed, Costco, on and on. Be assertive (not aggressive). You might have to initiate a conversation with a man.

Some senior women won’t do that. But, it could be a missed opportunity.

Sign up for my free “On Life and Love after 50” eNewsletter, published each Friday with nuggets and stories about senior dating. I have approximately 2,000 subscribers from across the USA, Canada, and many foreign countries. About 15 percent of them are from Southern California. You can sign up on the website you are on right now to receive the eNewsletter.

Suggested places to make new friends: church, which you attend, is a good start. Visit Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, corner of PCH & Blue Lantern. I opened that deli in 1988, sold it in 2015. If you go there, introduce yourself to Debbie, Rosa, or Samantha, who is the new owner. Tell them I sent you in. They know a lot of people. The deli is doing take-out during the pandemic.

Don’t forget the old standard: Networking. Tell your friends, acquaintances, and family you’d like to meet a “nice, decent man.” They may know of a new widower who lives two blocks away who is lonely and would love a woman pal with whom to chat.

When the pandemic eases, I will resume the age-60 plus Meet and Greet evenings once a month at the deli. Sometimes 50-100 attend. A few couples have met at those gatherings.

Times will get better and when they do, you’ll already be on your way to making new friends and meeting that decent guy. Husband material? I can’t guarantee that.

So, where can you meet a man? Anywhere and everywhere. Work on it, one day at a time.

Harder now? Certainly. Impossible now? No, but more challenging than in normal times.

http://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore

Senior Online dating sites

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2

by Columnist Tom Blake

For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.

Beware of scammers!

Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried Match.com. There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”

Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.

Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating.
The first four responses came from men.

John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake.

“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you. She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”

Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”

Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.”

Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.

Women responded as well.

Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.

“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves. But online dating can be worth the hassle.

“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”

Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.

“My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time.

“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”

Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.

“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’

“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”

One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.

“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.

“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!

“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”

My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on Match.com, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.

There are companies such as Online4.love.com, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.

I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.

Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.

Part 2 – There’s an actor among us

Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know. However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.

Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.

Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017

And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.

This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”

Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!

“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie! I’m married to a famous actor!”

She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.

Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather

Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”

Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.

Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.

Senior Sex no time to waste

On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – May 8, 2020

The Letter – Senior Sex no time to waste

By Columnist Tom Blake

You may recall that last week’s eNewsletter was a bit off the wall. It featured a woman, age 30, who insisted on a six-month pre-marriage trial with her fiancé, age 59, where they slept together, but had no physical contact, no hand holding, not one hug or kiss. She considered the trial “a success.” They married.

After the wedding she was shocked to find out he wanted sex.

Her letter had been sent to me in 2001.

There were many, varied responses to her story. The first came from Mark, who said, “I believe you made this up to bring good cheer to your readers. Am I right?”

I replied: “Greta and I are out of town for a week. When I get back to Dana Point, I will scan her letter and send it to you.

“I found it in the garage in a box of old column stuff. Thought to myself, this can be a column someday.

“Letter is for real. Glad you enjoyed it.”

Mark said, “I didn’t doubt for a minute that the letter was real. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up!”

Mark’s right; I don’t have the imagination to create something like that. Here’s part of the actual letter:

The Letter – from 20 September 2001

Helen, Arizona, responded, “Thanks for the laugh. Oh me. Sometimes I wonder. Are there really people walking around our country like this? Wonder if she made the whole thing up? Doesn’t matter.

“Phil and I have been together since 2003 after meeting on the Net. Didn’t marry. We are 80 and 81 now. Times are not easy, but we are together. We are one of the couples you featured in your book all those years ago.”

Another response came from Laurie Jo: “I read your eNewsletter and had an immediate, strong reaction.

“Things like impotence can be an issue, but there are ways to work around that and other difficulties when we age. I feel happy that I can still ride my horse, do household chores, and walk without any problems.

“I have friends that have hip issues and things like cancer. My point is: why give up intimacy? Why forego or avoid a wonderful part of being alive and capable.”

Twice a widower, “after two good marriages,” John commented. “I’m nearly 80 and every time I think I’ve heard it all regarding love relationships, something comes along to prove me wrong—such as your article last week. The woman in the story must be totally unaware/naive about how the world works–at least pertaining to how men and women relate to each other physically.

“I’m still actively dating and looking for a life-partner. After several dates with a woman, and if it begins to look promising, we start digging down into the weeds of what we’re looking for in a relationship.

“Eventually, I ask if she is interested in a physical relationship. Or, is she just seeking a friend for movies and dinners? I ask because having a physical relationship remains important to me.

“To illustrate how difficult expectations can be, I met a woman on a dating site two years ago who lives three hours away by car. My thinking was, if we were a good fit, it would be worth the drive.

“It turned out she oversees the caregivers who tend to her disabled sister, about a 10-minute drive from my home. I started seeing her when she was in town once or twice a month for six months.

“Then, she invited me to visit her at her home. I spent two nights with her and slept in a separate bedroom; there was no physical contact during the stay. We saw each other on and off when she visited her sister for about a year.

“She continued pursuing me and invited me to her home again, for three nights. I accepted. (Separate bedrooms again.)

“We were watching a TV movie the second night and I attempted to hold her hand, but she was not receptive. At dinner, the third night, I asked her if she was looking for a physical relationship because some women are not.

“She erupted and said, ‘All men are looking for only one thing!’ With that comment, I promptly left.”

“We had no contact for six months when out of the blue she sent me an email apologizing for how she reacted and wanted to get together again. We did but, it was just not-to-be for me.”

An important point from John’s story, Laurie Jo’s comments, and Helen’s comments, even at 70 or 80, for seniors physical contact is important to many men–and women.

Lesson for dating seniors: It’s best to discuss each person’s sexual expectations in the early dating stages of a potential relationship. At 80, we don’t have any time to waste.

Message for Mark: I didn’t make this up either: Because this column is about a letter, and about not having time to waste, the song, “The Letter,” by The Box Tops, 1967, popped into my mind.

Lyrics

“Gimme a ticket to an aeroplane
Ain’t got time for a fast train
Lonely days are gone. I’m a-going home
My baby, just wrote me a letter”

Link to Box Tops song (click on open wide screen and then the red arrow to begin video ):
Link to song “The Letter”

Happy Mother’s Day

10-day Motor Coach Tour of Ireland August 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 16, 2019 Dateline: Dublin, Ireland

10-day Motor Coach tour of Ireland August 2019

By Tom Blake

Greta and I are in Ireland. We have joined 25 other people from the USA and one man from Australia on a 10-day land tour around the island. We have traveled on a Globus tour, by motor coach, staying in hotels in Dublin, Ballina, Galway, Limerick, Tralee, and Waterford.

Our Globus Tours Motor Coach

We arrived in Dublin a day early to try to adjust from an 11-hour flight that crossed eight time zones. Although exhausted on the first night, we wanted to stay awake for four hours to sync with Ireland time.

Greta and I found a pub called the Ruin Bar a mile from our hotel, the Gibson Hotel. A red line tram runs from the hotel to Abby Street, where we got off. I had a pint of Guinness and we shared fish and chips. We were amazed at the number of pubs in that area of Dublin near the Liffey River.

At our Dublin Hotel, we noticed movie cameras around the hotel. They were filming a popular Ireland TV show First Dates. About 30 couples of all ages, mostly much younger than us, were being taped.

Popular Ireland TV show First Dates Crew Member showed us her I.D. badge
I jokingly told one of the show’s producers that Greta and I were there for our taping. She was perplexed–couldn’t find us on her list of participants–and we looked too damn old to be on the show, and we didn’t have an accent–and then I told her that I had written about senior dating for 26 years. I thought they might interview us, but they didn’t.

Of course, the main reasons for coming to Ireland were the castles, history, cities, green landscape and sheer beauty. In addition, its people are warm, welcoming and friendly. Most have a dry sense of humor.

Also, I had hoped to find genealogy information on my mom’s side of the family, name Pardee, some of whom I knew had come from Ireland.

Each day on the Globus Tours was very busy. Luggage outside the hotel room at 7 a.m. A quick Irish buffet breakfast. On the bus by 8 or 8:30. All kinds of activities each day. Hotel check in after 5 p.m. A group dinner most nights. Seven different hotels in six cities in nine nights.

We’ve seen so much it’s impossible in a column to describe everything. So, a few highlights.

On travel day one, the first stop was at the National Irish Stud Horse Farm.

Magnificent horses at Irish Stud Farm

Stud fees cost as much as $135,000 per encounter if Invincible Spirit Irish Stud is the stud. Beautiful grounds and horses.

Stud fees by horses name

Later that day, the next stop: The Famine Museum in Strokestown. Here the terrible Irish Famine of the 1840s was explained. At that time, the potato was the main food for the population of eight million.

Many were very poor and were sustained by only eating potatoes, as many as 14 pounds per day per person. A blight destroyed the Ireland potato crop. Nearly a million people starved to death.

At the museum, we read about the tragedy, saw old pictures and depictions. As I left the museum, I thought to myself, I will never complain about anything again in my life. The messages there were that powerful.

On travel day three, we visited Kylemore Abbey, a massive castle acquired by Benedictine nuns from wealthy people who squandered their fortunes on an ambitious social life. And then a stop at a marble workshop, where Irish marble mined from nearby quarried is turned into jewelry. My partner Greta purchase a pair of beautiful earrings made from Irish marble from a quarry nearby.

On the next day, the group rode a ferry boat to the Aran Islands, the westernmost islands of Europe. Gaelic is the first language spoken there. While there we climbed up a thousand feet or so to Dun Aengus, one of the most spectacular forts from prehistoric times.

Lunch that day was at Ti Joe Watty’s pub, where the group was entertained by an Irish guitar player and singer who I expect will be highly recognized around the world someday—not as big as the Irish band U2, but very talented and likeable.

In our tour group, every person had an interesting story. A couple of quick ones come to mind. A couple from Indiana told Greta and me that the husband encouraged his wife to do a DNA test with Ancestry.com.

His wife had been adopted at birth and knew nothing about her actual parents or family. Soon after the test, she got a phone call from a sister she didn’t know existed. She talked to other relatives as well.

They asked how her life had been. She said she was very lucky; her adoptive parents were great. Her siblings had a different story. They had had miserable lives. So, the contact was bitter-sweet. But, she was happy to learn who her true family members were.

Remember, I said I checking my genealogy on my mom’s side? Funniest thing. Found virtually nothing, but on my dad’s side, the Blake family, I found lots and lots of names. Even had dinner one night in Galway at Blake’s Bar. I had been searching on the wrong name. In Ireland, the name BLAKE has quite a history.

Blake’s Bar – Galway, Ireland

On another day, the group stopped at one of the oldest burial sites in the world, called Poulnabrode, which dates to 4,000 B.C.

Burial site from 4,000 years B.C.

I was walking to the site from the bus with a guy named Bob, who was wearing a University of Miami baseball cap.

“Hurricanes fan?” I asked.

“Yup, especially Miami Hurricanes football.”

I said, “I was at the Orange Bowl once, where your team plays, at Super Bowl II, 51 years ago. Sat at the game with two American Airlines World Stewardess (called Stewardesses back then) queens and former Miami Quarterback George Mira.” The two women were Patty Paulsen and Jill Spaven.

He looked at me in amazement, saying, “I was at that game as well. Raiders vs. Packers, working with ABC Sports. And I have met George Mira. He could throw a bullet pass, like a rocket.”

Neither of us could believe we both had been at that game and now were standing side by side in Ireland, 51 years later.

Next week: I’ll share with you a few more places we visited and a few more personal stories about our trip. For now, I’ll simply say. Ireland is fascinating.

With 83 inches of rain a year, it’s green. We saw hundreds of cattle and sheep. Incredible old castles, and black stone walls everywhere in the countryside.

The Irish people are friendly. The food, especially the fresh seafood, is to die for. We are having an incredible time.

Reminder: The Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s in Dana Point, California, is Thursday, August 22, 5 to 7 p.m. Food complimentary. Beer and wine $5 each. Champ Maria will be the hostess. Greta and I will be in Europe. Have fun.

On Life and Love after 50 reaches age 26

On Life and Love after 50 reaches age 26. Thanks to all the Champs for helping to make it happen – August 9, 2019

by Tom P Blake

Dateline – Dublin, Ireland

Greta and I arrived in Dublin, Ireland, yesterday. We are on a 30-day trip. The first third of our trip will be traveling by bus with a tour group visiting many areas and cities in Ireland.

Then, in 10 days, we fly to Amsterdam and board a Holland America cruise ship, the MS Rotterdam, for a 20-day trip to Scotland, Iceland and Greenland. I will fill you in as best I can on the trip details in future eNewsletters.

But, in today’s article, I wanted to say thank you to all my Champs. Because of you, my writing career has entered its 26th year; I will explain how you’ve helped.

When my first “Middle Aged and Dating Again” newspaper column, titled, “Home Alone with Only Dog for Company,” was published, July 7, 1994, I had no idea how long my writing gig would last. I was writing from a recently divorced man’s point of view on the difficultly of middle-aged dating.

Before being hired, my two editors at the Dana Point News, Dixie and Sherrie, required me to submit four ready-to-be-published columns, which they said would be “put in the can.”

Honestly, when they said that, I seriously thought the columns might be put in the toilet. The editors quickly reassured me that “put in the can” meant they would be the first four columns used—a month’s worth.

At that point, I didn’t know if my writing career would last more than a month. I wasn’t sure if my readers would run out of questions, comments or interest. A columnist who writes a “Dear Abby” type of column, as mine has kind of evolved into, cannot maintain momentum without input from readers.

Back then, which was before the Internet, newspaper readers responded by leaving voice messages on answering machines and writing letters.

As the Internet grew, newspaper readers responded less to printed articles. So, I started an online eNewsletter around 2003 called “Finding Love after 50,” which put me more directly in communication with my readers; it was easy for them to just hit reply on their computers.

After a while, to create an alternate source of income, I charged $15 per year for the newsletter.

But, about 10 years ago, I wanted to expand the scope of the eNewsletter to beyond just dating issues. I changed the name to “On Life and Love after 50” and decided to stop charging for it.

Because I felt a deep connection with my eNewsletter readers, I wanted to adopt a name for you. After all, many of you have been brave enough to share your thoughts, experiences, opinions, knowledge, stories and emotions with people, most of whom you’ve never met. You were more than just readers.

Your comments open the doors for me for column ideas. I appreciate your trust in me; you’ve taught me a great deal.

One day, as I listened to Jackson Browne singing, “The Load Out and Stay,” the name hit me. In that song, Browne pays tribute to the roadies who load and offload his equipment when he is on tour.

He sings, “…when it comes to moving me, you know you guys are the champs…” And, that’s where the name Champs came from. The link to that song is at the end of today’s eNewsletter.

I am blessed to still be writing for newspapers, again thanks to you Champs for providing me with the material. I write for three newspapers in Southern California and six in Pennsylvania and use what you’ve sent me for the papers as well.

In this era dominated by online social media, print newspaper columnists are a dying breed. Newspapers are closing their doors in droves.

In a quarter century of writing, I’ve inked approximately 4,000 newspaper columns and eNewsletters. So, my uncertainty in 1994 about lasting for more than a month as a writer, turned out to be silly, but, of course, I didn’t know it at the time.

And I certainly, back then, could not foresee that I would publish four books, and make appearances on the Today Show and Good Morning America.

Thanks, Champs, for helping make all of that possible.

I’ll try to give you an Ireland update next week. Now, where is that Guiness Stout factory. I hear their beer is pretty good.

The link to the classic 1978 performance of The Load Out And Stay (it’s 9 minutes and 24 seconds long) Remember to hit “Skip Ad”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scsJZ67ssDY
Reminder: The Meet and Greet show will go on this month at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, Thursday, August 22, 5 to 7 p.m. Our lovely Champ, Maria, will oversee the event. Please lend her a hand.