senior online dating

A Senior Man’s first-date jitters

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 9, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

A senior man’s first-date jitters

Bill, a widower in his mid-70s, emailed me for guidance regarding an upcoming first date with a woman he met on Match.com.

I thought it might be interesting, particularly to our women Champs, to know what a man thinks about before and after a first date with a woman.

Bill wrote, “I met an attractive woman on Match.com. She’s 10 years younger. She and I agreed to meet for coffee at a location about halfway between where we live, a two-mile drive for each of us. From her profile picture, she is pretty. I’m a little nervous. Her name is Jackie.

“We talked over the phone and knew at least we had a good conversation before we got together. That is a must for first-date people!”

“Can you give me any advice?”

I replied, “Is this your first date since your wife passed away?”

Bill answered, “No, I’ve had a few dates, but I’m not exactly Joe Stud, you know. But I’d like to impress her.”

I said, “Relax, I can tell you are nervous. But that’s ok, after all, this could become your future mate. Just slow down and calm down.”

“It goes without saying to wear a clean shirt. Smile when you greet her and shake her hand. No hug or kiss when you first approach each other. Men tend to talk too much when they are nervous. Be sure you ask questions about her. Encourage her to talk. Make direct eye contact with her. Smile. Use first-date etiquette; actually, any date etiquette.”

Bill said, “Thanks, that will help me break the ice. I will talk for no more than 40 percent of the time and ask her questions. Her profile says she still works full time. I will let you know how it goes.”

A few days later, after his first date, Bill sent me an update. “It went okay with Jackie. She is pretty. Will we see each other again? Probably. It could happen, but I’m unsure. Frankly, it wasn’t a great connection. She didn’t ask me many questions. I’m 6’ 1; she’s 5’6”—so that works for me. Not too tall and not too short.

“You kind of know if a woman is very interested, somewhat interested or not interested in you. She is somewhat only. But who knows for sure?

“She is divorced and didn’t talk about her ex at all. When I mentioned my wife, this woman sort of felt bad but had no questions about me. When I talked about my interests, the conversation didn’t go very far, but we stayed with her interests and travels.

“It possibly could go somewhere, but I didn’t think she appreciated the breakfast sandwich and beverage because I would have liked a nice thank you for my effort (liked she kind of expected me to pay and I guess that’s ok.)

“She steered away from future plans. I didn’t ask if she wanted to get together again or make any future plans.

“We didn’t get into politics and talked about schools, kids and travel. I probably could have gotten a little more personal and asked what she thought of me. But I don’t want any rejection. We talked for over an hour, so it was going ok, but probably not a strong connection.

“So where does this go? I’m not sure and I’m not clear about my feelings. I could reach out again, but I may leave the ball in her court for her to reach out to me if she is interested enough. So maybe I will ghost her or send her a text in a week to see how she is doing.

“I mentioned a few ideas about walking together on a hike near the beach or something and got no response on any idea she might have to do something. So, no, the date success wasn’t 100%, but more like 35%.

“At the end, I gave her a small hug, but she wasn’t responsive. So, it left me thinking, ‘Do I want to pursue her anymore?’ Maybe there would be too much work involved. She still works and seems busy. Perhaps some of my thoughts may help her. I want some kind of gratification or some kind of future interest to make me think that she and I want a relationship.

“Oh yes, I said at the very end, ‘Do you prefer a text or a call? She said ‘either.’ So, she could be still in it, but not who knows? Maybe it’s me because of my feelings. I don’t need to start chasing or try to create a fun experience. I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere.”

Tom’s Comment: So that’s how a nice gentleman feels. If there’s any message in Bill’s story for women, it’s that if you like a guy like Bill on a first date, be a little more assertive, showing affection like a kiss on the cheek and saying, “Let’s get together again.” And ask him more questions. However, what Jackie did may indicate that she doesn’t want to proceed seeing him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Senior dating sure has its challenges.

Is 83 too old to date?

Online Senior Dating Scam

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 7, 2024

by Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Senior Man Gets Scammed

I used to be an advocate for senior online dating. It gave lonely seniors who were having no luck meeting a potential partner hope that they might meet someone by casting their nets far and wide to areas that had been inaccessible to them.

I still believe in senior online dating but with words of caution. After losing Greta, my partner of 25 years, in October 2022, I was one lonely dude. This loneliness emotion affects nearly every senior who has suffered the loss of a partner.

Five months later, while sitting home on another empty Saturday night, I tried senior online dating. I had written about online dating, based upon stories Champs had sent me, but frankly, I didn’t know my fanny from first base about its intricacies.

I joined Match.com, and a lesser-known dating site, Zoosk. It was overwhelming. I was creating a profile, adding photos, trying to guess who to believe, and what to believe, and hearing from people who lived far away. Some from other cities, states, and foreign countries. Simply overwhelming.

Within days, a woman replied on Zoosk. “I love your profile. I admire that you are a writer. I live near you in Oceanside (about a half hour away). I hope we can get together soon. My photos are current.”

I checked her photos. There were eight of them. She was drop-dead gorgeous, age 63, 20 years younger. She sent another email: “I will be in Northern California for about a month. I will keep in touch while gone and want to meet you in person when I come home.”

I wondered if she was for real. I also wondered why a gorgeous woman 20 years younger would be interested in a man 83. We kept in touch and spoke on the phone a few times. She sent more current pictures, some of her playing pickleball. Slowly, I was starting to believe she was for real.

When she returned, she texted, “Can we meet in Dana Point Harbor in front of Harpoon Henry’s and go for a walk?” When I saw her, it took my breath away. She looked like her pictures. She gave me a big hug. Our walk lasted an hour. She held my hand. She asked if we could meet again two days later for a similar walk.

During the second walk, she said she’d love to live in Dana Point but knew nothing about Dana Point real estate and it would be helpful if she could see my home. I showed it to her. No hanky panky, just a 10-minute tour.

We agreed to meet again. She said we had a lot in common. A day later, she sent a text, “If I move in with you, I wouldn’t want to be tossed to the street if you pass away before I pass away, so I would need you to change your estate plan to leave me the house.”

I was amazed that she wanted to live together. And shocked that she wanted to inherit the home I had lived in for 30 years. When I said it was too soon to consider that, we hadn’t even kissed yet, she wrote, “I can’t see you anymore.”

At least I hadn’t spent a penny on her. A quick online dating lesson learned: When something sounds or someone looks too good to be true, it most likely is. And even though you’ve met someone real in person, and it appears you like each other, it doesn’t mean you put your guard down and trust that person unconditionally. Relationships take time to build.

This past Sunday, Champ Mark sent me an online (The Wall Street Journal) article titled ‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings. The article spelled out in great detail how a senior man, age 75, lost his life’s savings to a scammer who claimed to be age 37, rich, a Chinese immigrant woman looking for love who contacted him via LinkedIn.

I read the 24-page article to see the details. Although the victim was a successful, professional man, who lived in the Midwest, he let his infatuation and naivety overrule his intelligence. He ignored a huge red flag right out of the gate: an age gap of approximately 45 years. Come on now!

The scammer enticed him by sending inviting pictures of her. They likely weren’t real. He took the bait. She slowly reeled him in, a ploy by scammers. She convinced him to join an online site called WhatsApp. It’s not a dating site. It keeps conversations and messages private. I’ve used it to communicate with friends who live in Austria.

But lately, I’ve been getting bitcoin promotions on WhatsApp so I sense the scammers are trying to trap me into some b.s. scheme. The scammer and the victim had only one very brief phone call which should have been another red flag to him.

Slowly, through deception and promises of love, as detailed in the article, she gained his trust and reeled him into financial investments. The victim believed she was a gift from a higher power. He never met her in person. What the heck was he thinking?

I’ve always said a person can’t fall in love with an image, you must meet the person face-to-face. This victim didn’t make that happen. He believed her excuses of why she couldn’t meet. He let his imagination control his decision-making. He was vulnerable to manipulation. I’m not suggesting single seniors should avoid online dating. I know many couples who met their partners using online dating sites and are together. I’m one of them. Just be smart. Trust your instincts.I met my woman friend a year ago on Zoosk. She lives about a half-hour’s drive away.

Also, scammers don’t only exist on online dating sites. They can be lurking anywhere they smell an opportunity. LikedIn and WhatsApp are not dating sites. So, have your guard up with every stranger you meet.

Another Champ, Francine from Florida, emailed this week, “I’m so tired of online dating. I see the same old, same old men.” She’s decided to take a break from the disappointments she is finding online.

She also added, “I have fewer tomorrows than I have yesterdays. So, I’m making all of them count.” If you’d like to read the entire WSJ article, here’s the link. You can listen to it on the WSJ site as well. Thanks again to Mark for alerting us about it.

‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings – WSJ

Dogs and Senior Dating

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter August 25, 2023

By Tom Blake Columnist

Last week’s eNewsletter, “Home alone with only dogs for company,” generated several Champ’s responses. It was the word “dogs” that inspired many of the emails, which, led me to ponder the importance of dogs in the senior dating arena.

Carol emailed, “What prompted me to write today was the title of your article. I live with three dogs. They are my roommates, therapists when needed, protectors, and best friends. They bring and share with me unconditional love, something senior daters seek. Men have failed over and over to provide me with that type of love.

“Dogs don’t care what you look like in the morning. My Labrador loves my morning breath, greeting me each morning with the joy and love that only dogs can give.

“If people are fortunate to love dogs, the unconditional love that dogs provide mixed with the peoples’ acceptance of that love, makes a strong bond that requires nothing else. When I meet a potential mate, to proceed to a second date, he must like dogs!

“Let your dogs meet your new friend and the dogs will tell you if this is someone worth your efforts, or not.”

Tom’s comment: Oh wow. If that’s the case, the dog makes the decision. I guess I should take the dog out for coffee instead of taking the woman out.

A different Carol also emailed, “I too ‘live alone’ with a dog, a toy poodle that I’ve had for 13 years. And another one before her. My husband has been gone for several years. I don’t know what I would do without my Daisy. I talk to her just like I would talk to a kid and am sure she understands everything I say to her.”

Since I began senior online dating four months ago, I have been amazed at the number of women’s profiles that feature dogs. A woman might post six photos to her profile. Often, the dog is solo in two or three of those pictures. Or the woman is holding the dog at different angles.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many senior single men who also have dogs or horses. I’ve wondered if a guy walking his dog meets a woman with a dog, do the dogs have to like each other for the couple to have a match or committed relationship? I’ll ask my buddy Jim, he’s single and has a dog (named Hilton) and horses.

In four months of dating, I’ve met dogs named Chanel, Buster, Blue Sky, Milo, Bandit, Sky King, Mukluk, and Bootsy, to name a few, and I’ve liked them all. But that doesn’t mean the dogs’ owners are going to like me.

Going forward, instead of arriving at a woman’s front door with a dozen red roses, I’ll bring a bag of doggie treats to get the dog’s approval.

Also, if you are allergic to dogs, you are kind of screwed in the senior dating arena.

One woman brought her dog to my home. Within minutes of checking out the house, the dog jumped into my leather, swivel office chair. And went to sleep. Too bad he couldn’t help me write an article.

I end today’s column with this senior dating tip for men. If you meet a potential partner who owns a dog, and you want to see the woman again, whether you like her dog or not, tell her you love the dog. It will improve your chances of getting a second date, along with those doggie treats we mentioned earlier.

Two Senior men discuss 6 senior dating boundaries

How soon to date after losing a mate?

Also, Seniors how soon to online date after losing a mate?

By Tom Blake – Senior dating specialist and columnist

(The above picture of Gloria and Peter courtesy of Gloria P)

Eleven years ago, I corresponded with Champ Gloria in Florida who told me about her meeting a man who lived an hour and a half away from her. His name was Peter. They became a long-distance relationship couple and about two years later they moved in together.

Gloria sent me photos of them together in 2014—a very handsome couple (see photo above). I did a column on their relationship and in the column, I named Peter “The Italian Stallion.” Gloria would occasionally keep me posted on their relationship. In the last couple of years, she mentioned that Peter was having some health issues, about which she was concerned.

A few days ago, Gloria emailed news that shocked and saddened me: “I’m 70. I lost my partner of 11 years on January 12, 2023. I realize that you lost Greta in October. I know you have joined two online dating sites. I need your advice. Is it too early for me to start online dating? Please comment on your senior online dating experience.”

I replied to Gloria. “Two months ago, I was in my Dana Point home on a Saturday night, feeling empty, lost, and missing Greta terribly. Loneliness is awful. I thought I cannot continue feeling like this. I need hope. I need a woman to talk to. And maybe even a hug. Yes, I’ve met a few nice women, but there hasn’t been a relationship connection yet.

“So, I took a deep breath and joined Match.com, and another site called Zoosk, which a Champ Bruce in Ohio had recommended to me. After seeing the first few profiles and faces of potential mates, I felt new hope in my life.

“Since then, I’ve learned a lot about senior online dating. I’ve learned through my own experience that there are scammers on all sites. The most important thing is: What one sees in a profile may not be what you see when you meet in person. Pictures are often outdated, perhaps taken years ago. People may not be as available as they claim they are.

“A few women 20-years-younger+ have raved at my profile. I’d be in disbelief, even feel amazed. And then, at some point, their true motivation revealed itself. Some might have had their eyes on my modest assets, not on me.

“I have met some wonderful women both online and out socially.

“Have I had online dating success? Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. Navigating a road, I never envisioned I’d be on. There is a lot of baggage out there, including my senior dating baggage. I’m thinking about opening a senior dating baggage resale store.

I’ve heard a lot of this: ‘I want to be just friends.’

(see picture below)

“So, Gloria, when is it time for you to try online dating? Probably when you decide that loneliness sucks. And then, as I did, you need to become more assertive in meeting potential mates.

“So, a senior question, when to online date? A senior must decide whether online dating is right for her or him, and the timing of when to begin is strictly up to each person. There is no right or wrong answer. Online dating can be a valuable item in the senior dating-again marketing toolbox.”

“Some people will be critical of you and of me for both venturing out into the online dating world so soon after losing our mates. I guess they want us to stay home, mope, and be depressed.

“However, they haven’t walked in our shoes (as Elvis once said). A couple of months ago I wrote that Johnny Cash had said that. My Champ buddy, Michael, who knew Elvis personally, corrected me on that slight error.

“And tonight, I’ll raise a glass of Chianti Classico in honor of the “The Italian Stallion” and a glass of Chardonnay in honor of Greta. Does that make me a two-fisted drinker? Probably so, those two wonderful people both deserve a toast.

“Keep the faith, Gloria. Don’t overthink your situation. Just let it be and let us know when you choose to decide to go online.”

Senior online dating in Palm Springs

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter Apil 21, 2023

By Senior Dating Columnist Tom Blake

Editor’s note: there are three parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part 1 – Senior Online Dating in Palm Springs

I’ve been staying at my Palm Springs vacation home for nearly two weeks. I hesitated to mention in recent eNewsletters that I was going to be in Palm Springs because I have four friends who read the columns and who live in the area. They might wonder why I didn’t contact them on this short visit.

The answer is simple. I’ve had several home maintenance items to tackle before my next tenant arrives in a week. That tenant will be at my home for only two weeks and then I will return to PS and contact my buddies who live out here at that time.

Also, I knew I’d be occupied with trying to meet some local women online. Being out here without Greta for the first time in five years is brutally lonely. Meeting some new people helps ease the pain and can give one hope. Many people online are in a similar situation. They have lost their mates also; so, many of us have that in common who are using online dating sites, and yet we are still grieving.

I wondered if my initial month-long senior online dating effort which had previously focused on my Dana Point zip code perimeter of 25 miles was wasted by my coming to Palm Springs. The answer is no. I’ve met some wonderful women in the Dana Point area. Just no lasting connection yet.

But I wondered how would I meet women within a 35-mile radius of Palm Springs while staying out here.

I learned that it’s very simple to search the Coachella Valley area by just switching to my Palm Springs zip code on both Match.com and Zoosk dating site, the two sites I use. Presto, women within a half-hour drive and closer suddenly appeared. Besides them living in Palm Springs, other cities pop up such as Palm Desert, Rancho Mirage, La Quinta, Cathedral City, Indian Wells, Indio, and even Beaumont and Banning. It’s been an adventure and learning experience for me.

Women in the Coachella Valley are extremely talented. They play pickle ball, golf, swim, do water aerobics, paint, hike, and ride horses.

Part 2 – Painting benches and picnic tables for the city of Palm Springs

This past Saturday, while on Match.com, I was chatting with a Palm Springs realtor. She asked where I attended college. I said The University of Michigan. The realtor said she knows a woman named Diane Morgan in Palm Springs who also graduated from The University of Michigan and is a talented painter and has worked on some painting projects for the city of Palm Springs.

The realtor said Diane was having a bench she painted in Demuth Park Palm Springs, an expansive park in the heart of Palm Springs, dedicated that very evening and suggested I go see it and say hello to Diane.

I had nothing to do so I went to Demuth Park and met Diane there. We had time to chat. Her freshly painted bench with the Hummingbird on it was dedicated to the city that night, is pictured above. Diane said she was told the Mayor would show up and say a few words about the new bench. I didn’t stick around for that.

The point of this story is that positive things can happen when seniors use online dating sites. The people you connect with might not be a match, but they might know of other people who could be.

And those other people might not be online. Diane wasn’t online, but she was great for me to meet.

Diane also mentioned she had been commissioned by the city of Palm Springs in the past to paint two benches on Palm Canyon Drive, near the famous Sonny Bono statue (many Champs have sent pictures of themselves posing with the Sonny statue). One bench is 10 yards south of the statue and the other one is across the street from that first bench in front of the Birkenstock Store. The latter bench is dedicated to “Saving the Bees.” (Photo below by me).

In addition, Diane mentioned that she hired the artist who designed a unique fountain called The Rainmaker, which is located at the intersection of North Palm Canyon Drive and Alejo Road, a couple of blocks north of Diane’s benches.

OK, OK, I know you Champs are wondering, was there a relationship connection with Diane? No, but Diane and I became friends; she’s already in a relationship. However, It was the experience of meeting an interesting new person that was so enriching.

One thing that made me chuckle about senior online dating hair color. I’ve usually dated brunettes. And then I realized that the women aged 65+ on Match.com and Zoosk are almost all blondes. I’m guessing that blonde hair more easily covers the gray hair most of us have as we age. Some, of course, show their true gray hair. I might want to take a lesson from them regarding my ultra-white hair. At 80+, it is what it is.

Another thing that brings a smile is the unique name some women post to their profile on the front page. Here are a few examples:

BabyGrand – Why? She owns and plays a Baby Grand piano.

AlwaysBhappySim – She claims to be the world’s best parallel car parker.

CheerfullyTough – I guess her name means don’t mess with her.

Aaliwood,71 – Perhaps she spends her off season in Hollywood.

BJZ,76 – Anyone’s guess.

Papillion, 73–Is she seeking Steve McQueen or Dustin Hoffman from the Papillon movie?

TuscanyDawn – She must love Italy, at least in the morning.

Carpe diem, 73 – She must like seizing the day.

Part 3 – Champ Jane decides to begin online dating after 15 years

Champ Jane emailed this week, “Thank you for your newsletter. I have been reading it for a long time. I even came to one of your singles nights at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point many years ago. I now live in Eugene, Oregon.

“I have not done any online dating for at least 15 years. But I’m ready to put that toe in the water again. So, I have really enjoyed the current online-dating thread in your eNewsletter. Tips and all.

“I find it very odd when women say they will only date a man taller than them. My sister has been married to one of my favorite men in the entire world for 50 years. They have an incredibly wonderful relationship. He is at least two inches shorter than her. How much they would have both missed if something like height had kept them from that initial date.

Height-wise, I am 5’8”. I have dated two men who were shorter than I am. Truthfully, it kind of turns me on when a shorter man flirts with me. It makes me think he has a healthy self-image.

“I am in Southern California and will be back in Oregon at the end of May. That is when I will post my profile.

Tom’s question: “Jane, What made you decide to put your toe into the dating water again after 15 years?”

Jane replied: “I had two short-term relationships with two very nice men, but the connection wasn’t there. Plus, I have dated a bit here and there. Then there was Covid.

“And then on Labor Day, 2020, my house and all my possessions perished in a fire. That was sobering.

“I purchased a home that needed a lot of work. Much more than I thought. That was also sobering.

“I am trying to make a new life in Eugene. I do love the thought of a companion. But the difference is that now I feel worthy of a relationship. I feel that I have a lot to give. However, it must be the right person. What that means is someone I’m attracted to; someone I can laugh with. Someone caring and kind.

“Meanwhile, I’m doing some art, taking classes, and getting my dancing shoes out of the closet (now that venues are open to dance again). I’m trying to get out in nature, and I am enjoying my life.

“I now don’t feel at all desperate. I have a very full life. If I find that certain someone, it will be the icing on the cake. So, here is to living life at its fullest and remaining grateful for my blessings.”

Thanks, Champs. It would be rewarding to hear why other Champs have also decided to resume senior online dating. Fill us in.

8 Roadblocks to Love in senior online dating

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 14, 2023

By Senior Dating Columnist Tom Blake

8 Roadblocks to Love in senior online dating

Online Senior Dating Roadblocks to Love

Responding to last week’s eNewsletter on senior chemistry, a few Champs emailed.

Linda said, “I agree a senior kiss is the hope of something more in a relationship. It’s the window of hope.”

John emailed, “I’m currently trying senior online dating. I wonder if you’ve noticed this: Some women are so intolerant of men who hold different opinions that those women won’t even consider meeting those men.

“I’ve seen it in women demanding liberal or conservative men, Covid-19 vaccinated or unvaccinated, and Christian or secular.

“One woman ‘liked’ me, and when I read her profile, I seemed to meet all her positives except I’ve been vaccinated five times and she insists on a man being unvaccinated. Despite my five vaccinations, I got Covid1-19 on February 7, 2023. It wasn’t pleasant but I wasn’t seriously ill—no pneumonia. Did my vaccinations help or not? I have no idea.

“Perhaps the vacs prevented me from ending up in the ICU on a ventilator, perhaps not. What did help was Paxlovid—I felt considerably better 12 hours after taking a dose. I relapsed after taking the five-day course, which apparently isn’t that uncommon. I took a second prescription and again felt much better 12 hours after the first capsule. I highly recommend it if you get sick. The sooner you start after coming down with Covid-19, the better. So, Tom, have you experienced issues like that in online dating?

Tom’s comment:

I’ve been online for approximately six weeks. I feel that John is right about the three potential senior dating roadblocks to love he pointed out.

1 Senior romance and Political belief – Conservative vs. liberal or moderate. One woman said, “At this stage in life, I would hope a man and a woman would rise above the politics and just focus on loving each other instead of throwing darts at their political leanings.” I agree with that statement but must admit I deleted one profile that featured a woman in all her photos standing next to Trump. Not a real picture, just a photo of him. Enough I thought.

2 Covid-19 vaccination situation. I must admit that I would be hesitant to hug a person who has not been vaccinated.

3 Senior romance and religion – Different faiths. Christian, Muslim, and Jewish, for example. Should that matter? Some men and women are very heavy believers in God and Jesus. I’ve been told, “My God is my everything” by a very attractive woman. I am spiritual and believe in God, but do not attend church regularly and seldom open the Bible.

So, I probably wouldn’t match up with a zealous religious woman. However, I respect and admire them for having those beliefs. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but love would be a stretch.

I met a nice woman on Match. We met in person. We had a nice discussion. But she got upset when I mentioned that she was religious. She said, “I’m not religious. I believe in Jesus and God. That’s it.”

Then, I inadvertently said, after a glass of vino, “God damn over a situation she mentioned. She went ballistic. What appeared to be a connection between us, turned quickly south.

Here are five more potential online senior dating roadblocks to love I’ve observed:

4 Height – I’ve seen it on women’s front-page profiles. “I’m tall and am looking for a tall man.” Both men and women seem to agree, it’s preferred that the man be taller by at least two to three inches.

For me, I prefer women to be from 5’ up to 5’7” or 5”8”. But, I’ve seen attractive women under five feet and 5’9″.

5 Age difference – I’ve had some women write a nice message saying I’m not a match with them because our age gap is too many years. I write back, thanking them for their honesty and forthrightness. And I get it. Heck I’ve pass the big 80.

One woman’s profile stated she was 72. But the first sentence of her profile said, “I am 52 years old.” That puzzled me.

I’ve met many women who were married to men 20+ years older. Not one of them regretted their relationship. Most state it was the best years of their life. Hurray for old guys! (Hint, I’m one of them).

6 Animals – Dogs, cats, and horses are the biggies. Many front-page profile pictures show the woman holding a dog or two dogs. And then multiple other photos showing dogs, cats, and horses. I love animals but don’t want Rover to be always at my feet begging for a treat. If senior women love their animals, a guy better be prepared to accept that and adapt to it, but hopefully, the woman will keep the rover under control. On a visit to one woman’s home, rover jump up on me with razor-sharp claws and laid open wounds in my forearm that bled profusely. Embarrassing for me and she, but Rover was unflappable.

7 Front page profile photograph. Oh my, one wonders if the profile picture on the opening page is current, at least within the last couple of years. Some I’ve seen are from 5-10 years ago. There is no way of knowing if that profile front-page photo is recent if they don’t show other photos for which to compare. You’ll never know until meeting the person face to face.

One woman confessed that she’s a terrible selfie picture taker and looks younger than her pictures. She was right, which was a pleasant surprise.Some front-page photos are so blurry or unrecognizable that I can’t imagine that person will get any likes.

8 Children Living at Home – I’m not sure how many senior women or men are willing to date a person who has children living at home. That should not be a roadblock in itself. But a discussion might reveal the situation and plans to have the kids move out. So, that might be a temporary roadblock.

Windmills, cathedrals, and tulips

Champ Margaret checked in from The Netherlands where she is on vacation (April, 2023).

Margaret emailed, “I’m enjoying your column even while I’m in The Netherlands on a riverboat cruise. I just went on a 7-mile bike ride around Middelburg. It’s a lovely little town with windmills, cathedrals, and tulips! I went by myself and met so many great, interesting people! I met a nice Norwegian couple but keep bumping into the husband without his wife. I laugh and ask him if he has lost his wife again!

“Yesterday we were at Arnheim and toured the Kroller-Muller museum. They have close to 90 Van Gogh paintings and multiple drawings of his later-in-life work, which I love. It’s the second-largest Van Gogh collection in the world. The museum is on 22 acres so after visiting the museum, I walked around the property looking at the various sculptures.

“This is a Dutch river boat (less than 100 passengers) and the service is impeccable. They upgraded me to a veranda room, so I have a lovely view as we travel along the canals and rivers. At dinner, I sat with a lady from Northern California, a lady from England and a couple from Scotland.

“When I first asked the couple from Scotland if they came on the trip together, the gentleman said “Yes, we’re a couple, not married, but have senior sex!” I got a big laugh from that rather blunt declaration!”

Tom’s comment: I wonder if they met on Match.com?

Champ Sheri is also on a cruise, with her parents from LA to Vancouver B.C. Her young nephew had his bucket list item #1 addressed two hours after departure: Riding a go-kart on the go-kart track on the top deck of a Norwegian Line ship.

So, our Champs are getting out and about. And it’s not always about dating.

By Tom Blake – Senior Dating Columnist

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

More Insights Into Senior Online Dating

Senior dating issues and senior dating advice and senior love

Last week’s “Online Deal Breakers and Deal Makers” eNewsletter elicited a wealth of comments from our Champs. Today, we include several of those responses.

Gloria emailed, “I found my love on Match.com three-plus years ago. He is turning 85 and I am almost 82. It truly is never too late. We lived 45 minutes apart when we met. We are now living full-time together in Palm Desert (near Palm Springs).”

Cheri, “Your beloved has been gone five months and here you are on a quest for another relationship already? That is quite disheartening to me.”

Tom’s response to Cheri’s comment comes from the above-pictured quote attributed to Elvis Presley, which is in a caption under a photo of Johhny Cash and Elvis on my wall at home:

“Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.”

Often, with older couples who have been together for years, they tell each other that when one passes first, the other should attempt to find a nice mate to help get through the difficult times of grief ahead. It’s kind of a green light each person gives the other. It’s an unselfish thing to do.

Greta and I did that. Does that mean you love your deceased mate less? Hell no; it means you need to make the best of the remaining years remaining. You need to attempt to move forward.

And if any reader thinks writing about this has been easy for me, they’ve got another guess coming. I’m just trying to help.

Larry, a Champ and long-time friend of mine wrote this week, “At our age, you and I may not have three years to let the dust settle. Who knows? No time to wait.”

And Champ Jean commented, “Tom, you are a great guy, and you get it. You deserve a nice, supportive, fun-loving woman. Don’t settle for mediocre. Good luck in your quest for companionship.”

Wayne, “I know how much you loved Greta and the last few months must have been difficult and lonely. On the brighter side, we only have so many years left and there are many nice women who would love your companionship. You are a catch!”

Thyrza, “Everything you stated in last week’s newsletter happened to me. One romance scammer who lived nearby posted a photo of himself that was 20 years old. When we met in person, he looked like he had walked across the Sahara Desert. We met for coffee but weren’t a match.

“There were other negative experiences as well. It takes patience and smartness not to get into a tricky situation. I did not give up until I met my current man.”

Cheryl, “Matt and I met on OK Cupid. What I really liked about that site was the availability of thousands of questions that can be answered. The answers are multiple-choice, but each answer has a space where you can write a comment/explanation of your answer.

“Matt had answered over 400 questions, most of which included an explanation, and I had answered over 600 questions with explanations when we started communicating. So, we already knew much about each other before our initial contact.

“When I was ‘surfing’ the site, I found it very helpful to be able to read responses from guys on certain issues I was concerned about. I could determine ‘deal breakers’ easily and not contact that person. One guy, for example, responded that he likes dogs but ‘not in my house.’ My dogs have always been in my house, so that was an immediate deal-breaker for me.

“No scammer is going to go to the trouble of answering hundreds of questions! They all seem to follow basically the same format of answering a few similar questions typically written in very poor English!”

“I’m glad you’ve decided to jump into online dating. I think the age issue is extremely variable in terms of impact. Some people are old at 50 and others are still young at 80. Our physical status impacts us but so does our attitude!

“Take good care, and I hope you find a loving partner for ‘the rest of the journey.’”

Mary, a woman I started going steady with on January 9, 1955 (68 years ago), set me straight by writing, “After reading through your assessment of dating-meeting websites, I can think of no reason why you would continue. Get out: volunteer. You know the drill.”

Tom’s response to Mary’s comment. After all these years, she’s still trying to set me straight! (said with a grin). I agree that volunteering and other forms of face-to-face activities are important in one’s quest to meet a mate. However, the process of meeting someone in that way can take a great deal of time. And I don’t have time to waste. So sure, do some of those things but cast a wide net. And consider adding internet dating to your repertoire!

One positive of internet dating is that you can reach out to a multitude of people in minutes who fit your criteria (Of course, some or many of them will likely be scammers).

Terri, “I wondered how long it would take you to dive into the dating pool. I wish you the very best of luck, you may well be on the adventure of a lifetime! I hope you share some of those adventures with your Champs.

“I spent six years on dating sites after my divorce (33 years of marriage). It took me from my mid-60s into my 70s. I met some real doozies. I also met several nice men who I still consider to be great friends. I have not been on a dating site for two years. I have a steady date who is wonderful and loyal, and a couple of lovely men who still call me to see if their luck might have changed.

“Match.com is a good place to start and still the best place that we have to meet other singles and potential friends. Good luck and my best to you.”

Barb, “I gave up on online dating. One guy I met professed to be Catholic and fully following the teachings. After we communicated for several months, I spent most of the day visiting him. He picked me up at the airport. After getting into his vehicle, his first words were, ‘I went to the VA to get tested, and I’m clean, good to go.”

“I responded, ‘If that’s your idea of a first date, you can take me back to the airport. After the air was cleared, we had an enjoyable day. No romantic connection, but we are still texting friends.”

Althea, “From your newsletter last week, I can see that your loneliness is getting to you. So, you joined Match.com. Welcome to frustration and disappointment. I think the biggest red flags and the people to stay away from are the ones who are over the top and obsessed on any subject…politics, religion, looks, weight, age, exes, their family, and pets…run fast.

“I bet your next honey will be the woman you bump into at the supermarket or park or walking down the street…maybe paddle boarding? Or a friend says, ‘I have someone I want you to meet.’”

Judith, “Five years after my husband of 45 good years passed, I was ready for a new guy. We met on Match and after months of dates and talks, we became a couple. We’ve been together for five years and share good times. We both have our own homes but spend nights together. Thanks for your words of wisdom.”

Laurie Jo, “Regarding online dating, I never found a match and I dated like it was a job. Had up to three coffee dates a day. Kept notes.

“I was the target of a scam that wasn’t obvious at first. This person invested a lot of time on the phone with me. But it all became clear when he was ‘stuck in UAE due to customs taking his gemstones’ and he needed $2,000.

“I said, ‘Not my problem’ and he never called again.”

Elenute emailed, “I’ve been on dating sites for six years. SilverSingles is a terrible site: over 90% of what I’ve received are scams. I’m getting pretty good at sorting them out. I’m ready to cancel the two dating sites I’m on when my subscriptions run out.”

Tom’s ending remarks: From the comments above, there is little doubt that online dating for people 50-plus is a huge challenge. All sites have scammers. Profile pictures often aren’t current. I noticed that some women make an honest effort to put “date picture taken” captions under their photos. I wrote to some of those women and thanked them for being honest about their pictures.

Which senior dating sites are the best? I found an article dated March 3, 2023, in a San Francisco Bay area local newsletter called The Daily. The article is titled, “10 Best Senior Dating Sites for Mature Singles Over 40.”

That article does a thorough job of ranking the sites. Perhaps read it and study the reviews. Here’s the link:

https://www.sfgate.com/market/article/best-senior-dating-sites-17242542.php

As I wrote last week: Remember, it only takes finding the right one for you. Easier said than done, but don’t give up trying.

Senior dating tips. Four ways for seniors to meet a potential mate during the pandemic

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter January 21, 2022

2022 eNewsletter #3

by Tom Blake – Columnist

Senior Dating tips. Four ways for seniors to meet a potential mate during the pandemic

Champ Sonia (see her picture above) emailed that she wants to date someone her age or younger. She wrote, “I’ve read your eNewsletters for several years and I love them. I am 63 and would like to date someone my age or some years younger.

“You are so far away from me, but I would love to participate in one of your Meet and Greet sessions but I don’t know how to do it because of the distance and now the situation with the new covid.”

Tom replied, “Thanks for writing, and thank you for being a Champ for several years. I understand your frustration with the Covid situation, which is affecting senior singles not only in PA, where you live but across the world.

At 63, you should normally be able to meet eligible men within your dating age range (even younger), but Covid has thrown the proverbial monkey wrench into the search.

Even the Meet and Greet sessions you refer to at Tutor & Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point, California, have been on hold for two years now. So, don’t get on a plane or a train to come to the Meet & Greets—all you could meet would be meat—as in a pastrami sandwich–for example.

So, you’d be wiser to try to meet someone closer to you in PA or adjacent states, someone who would be within reasonable driving distance. How to do that during the pandemic? In four ways:

1 Try senior online dating. You won’t even need to wear a mask while you’re online. Our November 19 eNewsletter was titled, “Which online dating site is best for seniors?” I’m not an internet dating expert. So, I quoted our Champ Christine Baumgartner, an expert dating and relationship coach. Christine lives in Orange County, California, and calls her business “The Perfect Catch.”

Here’s what I wrote on November 19, 2021 in an eNewsletter, which is on this website.

“When Christine is asked by a client which dating site is the best one, her reply is, ‘This may surprise you. They’re generally all the same.”

To read more about senior online dating, go to Christine’s Facebook page. She’s got great material on there. Or to her website (the link is listed below). Use a site that caters to seniors such as Silver Singles or OurTime (owned by Match.com). Most sites will charge a monthly fee. POF (Plenty of Fish) doesn’t unless you upgrade, but it has a reputation for having scammers.

And speaking of scammers, be careful no matter what online site you choose. There are scammers on every site. They prey on lonely seniors, primarily widows, so there is a risk in online dating. But, by going online, you’d be able to establish a reasonable search radius, say within 50 miles of where you live in PA

2 Get off the couch and out of the house when the pandemic eases. Still take precautions—wear a mask, meet people outside when possible, keep social distancing. If you see a man who appears to be single—no wedding ring, for example—and he appeals to you, be assertive by saying hello or ask him a question like, “Which wine goes best with this salad?”

Be assertive, but not aggressive. When senior singles venture out and embark on a new activity, their chances of meeting a potential mate increase. Here’s a story I heard this week, while on my Stand Up Paddleboard in Dana Point Harbor, of all places.

As I was paddling from shore, a guy on his board yelled, “Hey Tom, I attended several of your Meet & Greets and enjoyed them.”I said, “Did you find a mate there?”“No,” he said, “but I learned from what you often said to us–to get involved in activities we enjoy. So, I took ukulele lessons and met my partner there. We have a lot in common. Thanks for the advice and for having those events.”
I never thought I’d hear a success story like that on a paddleboard! Also, volunteering is a wonderful way to meet people and to pay it forward as well.

3 Network. Ask your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances if they know of someone who is near your age and single and who might be a nice mate for you. And don’t stop asking because as we age, people’s lives change. Some become widows or widowers, and others have relationships end.

4 Attend outdoor classes (when the weather is warmer) such as tai chi, yoga, pickleball, ukulele (or other instruments), and on and on.Bottom line: Make yourself as visible as possible and work on your appearance through exercising and eating right to help you stay healthy. Keep your expectations in check. Don’t go out with the express purpose of meeting a mate.

Instead, go out to enrich your life. Be friendly, have a positive attitude, make yourself likable. Don’t give up hope. We are all in the pandemic challenge together. Be very careful with exposure to Covid and be leery of scammers. I hope we are all vaccinated and boosted.

Keep the emails and questions coming. We have some interesting upcoming eNewsletter topics, including how to deal with a long-distance relationship during the pandemic and even details of a conversation I had with Johnny Cash regarding words Johnny said to me after we left his recording studio together in 1976.

I had co-produced a record album with him at the studio. So, stay tuned, stay safe, and keep on truckin.’

Sonia shared her photos with us today. If male Champs would like to contact her in PA, email me and I will forward your email to her. You never know, you just might have interests in common with this nice woman.

Subscribe to continue reading