e-Newsletter – On Life and Love after 50

Finding Love at 30,000 feet

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

Tom Blake Columnist

The May 9 eNewsletter was titled, “A senior man’s first-date jitters.” The man was Bill, and he described his date with Jackie. Bill felt Jackie didn’t have an interest in him. They didn’t go out again. In that article, I shared my opinion about Bill’s date.

There were many responses expressed by Champs, offering advice for both Bill and Jackie on how each could have improved their hour-long date.

Two weeks later, Champ Mike emailed me about that May 9 eNewsletter.

Mike wrote, “You, Tom, do appear to be a very nice, compassionate guy in your response to Bill. Frankly, I thought there were enough clues early in the date for Bill to cut the date short and say, ‘It’s been nice meeting you’ and leave.

“I was divorced and single from age 45-60. I dated first with referrals from friends, then dating services like “It’s Just Lunch,” and finally tried some online dating sites.

“I found my love at 60 and have now been married 20 years.”

I responded to Mike: “How did you meet your wife? Online? Or otherwise?

Mike wrote, “I met my wife on a Delta flight. She was a Delta Flight Attendant. It was on one of the first flights leaving Cincinnati after 9/11. The airplane, a 757, was virtually empty, very spooky.

“Everyone was nervous to fly, including the employees

I was traveling with, and my son, to visit my brother in Hartford.

I was seated in first class, no other passengers were up there, and Kathie was the Flight Attendant. We talked for the entire 2-hour flight. I thought she had to be married, but my son said he didn’t see a wedding ring.

“A few months later, I ran into Kathie at the airport as I was leaving for a flight, she was leaving at the gate next to mine. I immediately asked for a dinner date. She accepted, but due to our travel schedules, it was a couple of months before we could. When the day arrived, she preferred to pick me up, since she had two kids, age 2 and 4, at home.

“When she arrived, standing in the doorway framed by the overhead light, she took my breath away. Unrecognizable from her plain flight attendant uniform, she was stunningly beautiful. I never dated anyone else again. We dated for two years, were engaged for one year, and this June 4th was our 20th anniversary. As close to love at first sight as it gets.”

As often happens with Champ’s stories, Mike’s story struck a chord with me. In 1963, after serving in the Navy during the Vietnam War, I was discharged from the Naval Auxiliary Air Station in Fallon, Nevada. I boarded a military flight in Fallon to the Bay Area, where I was to catch an American Airlines flight to Detroit, near where my parents and sisters lived in Jackson, Michigan.

The military flight was delayed, so I missed my AAL flight home. I rebooked an overnight flight from SFO to Detroit for that night. Like Mike’s story, I spent at least two hours on that flight talking with the stewardess (that’s what they were called then).

Her name was Linda. She was based in Chicago, and we dated for several months while I was at the University of Michigan Business School getting my MBA. To see each other, she would schedule flights with layovers in Detroit. I would pick her up in my rattle-trap ’57 Chevy at Detroit’s Metro Airport.

After graduation, I worked for AAL so we met often. She was, like Mike’s wife Kathie, a cutie. I clipped out a Fortune Magazine American Airlines advertisement in June 1965, because it reminded me of Linda.

Sixty-five years later, I have the original of that advertisement buried somewhere in my garage archives. I found a copy online, which is the photo above, entitled “People keep stealing our stewardesses.” I was one of those guys, sort of.

The small print in that ad reads, “Within two years, most of our stewardesses will leave us for other men. This isn’t surprising. A girl who can smile for 5 ½ hours is hard to find. Not to mention a wife who can remember what 124 people want for dinner…”

However, the relationship with Linda fizzled out due to long distance.

But, my infatuation with flight attendants didn’t end then; I married a Pan Am flight attendant four years later in NYC.

If there is a lesson to be learned from today’s eNewsletter –- and it’s a stretch, I admit — if you’re single and when you travel, strike up a conversation with flight attendants (now both women and men), train conductors, pilots, and other fellow travelers, you just might meet the love of your life. Mike’s story and my story are proof that love can happen at 30,000 feet.

Share with us how you met the love of your life while traveling.

A Senior Man’s first-date jitters

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 9, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

A senior man’s first-date jitters

Bill, a widower in his mid-70s, emailed me for guidance regarding an upcoming first date with a woman he met on Match.com.

I thought it might be interesting, particularly to our women Champs, to know what a man thinks about before and after a first date with a woman.

Bill wrote, “I met an attractive woman on Match.com. She’s 10 years younger. She and I agreed to meet for coffee at a location about halfway between where we live, a two-mile drive for each of us. From her profile picture, she is pretty. I’m a little nervous. Her name is Jackie.

“We talked over the phone and knew at least we had a good conversation before we got together. That is a must for first-date people!”

“Can you give me any advice?”

I replied, “Is this your first date since your wife passed away?”

Bill answered, “No, I’ve had a few dates, but I’m not exactly Joe Stud, you know. But I’d like to impress her.”

I said, “Relax, I can tell you are nervous. But that’s ok, after all, this could become your future mate. Just slow down and calm down.”

“It goes without saying to wear a clean shirt. Smile when you greet her and shake her hand. No hug or kiss when you first approach each other. Men tend to talk too much when they are nervous. Be sure you ask questions about her. Encourage her to talk. Make direct eye contact with her. Smile. Use first-date etiquette; actually, any date etiquette.”

Bill said, “Thanks, that will help me break the ice. I will talk for no more than 40 percent of the time and ask her questions. Her profile says she still works full time. I will let you know how it goes.”

A few days later, after his first date, Bill sent me an update. “It went okay with Jackie. She is pretty. Will we see each other again? Probably. It could happen, but I’m unsure. Frankly, it wasn’t a great connection. She didn’t ask me many questions. I’m 6’ 1; she’s 5’6”—so that works for me. Not too tall and not too short.

“You kind of know if a woman is very interested, somewhat interested or not interested in you. She is somewhat only. But who knows for sure?

“She is divorced and didn’t talk about her ex at all. When I mentioned my wife, this woman sort of felt bad but had no questions about me. When I talked about my interests, the conversation didn’t go very far, but we stayed with her interests and travels.

“It possibly could go somewhere, but I didn’t think she appreciated the breakfast sandwich and beverage because I would have liked a nice thank you for my effort (liked she kind of expected me to pay and I guess that’s ok.)

“She steered away from future plans. I didn’t ask if she wanted to get together again or make any future plans.

“We didn’t get into politics and talked about schools, kids and travel. I probably could have gotten a little more personal and asked what she thought of me. But I don’t want any rejection. We talked for over an hour, so it was going ok, but probably not a strong connection.

“So where does this go? I’m not sure and I’m not clear about my feelings. I could reach out again, but I may leave the ball in her court for her to reach out to me if she is interested enough. So maybe I will ghost her or send her a text in a week to see how she is doing.

“I mentioned a few ideas about walking together on a hike near the beach or something and got no response on any idea she might have to do something. So, no, the date success wasn’t 100%, but more like 35%.

“At the end, I gave her a small hug, but she wasn’t responsive. So, it left me thinking, ‘Do I want to pursue her anymore?’ Maybe there would be too much work involved. She still works and seems busy. Perhaps some of my thoughts may help her. I want some kind of gratification or some kind of future interest to make me think that she and I want a relationship.

“Oh yes, I said at the very end, ‘Do you prefer a text or a call? She said ‘either.’ So, she could be still in it, but not who knows? Maybe it’s me because of my feelings. I don’t need to start chasing or try to create a fun experience. I see myself spending money on dinners and maybe going nowhere.”

Tom’s Comment: So that’s how a nice gentleman feels. If there’s any message in Bill’s story for women, it’s that if you like a guy like Bill on a first date, be a little more assertive, showing affection like a kiss on the cheek and saying, “Let’s get together again.” And ask him more questions. However, what Jackie did may indicate that she doesn’t want to proceed seeing him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Senior dating sure has its challenges.

Are children affecting your relationship?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 18, 2025

by Columnist Tom Blake

I had a wake-up call on Monday morning while preparing this week’s eNewsletter. My phone was about 15″ from me on my desktop. The loudest warning alert I’d ever heard from that phone jolted me shortly after 10 a.m. One second later, when the house began shaking, I realized a strong (5.2) earthquake was happening.

I hustled to the rear patio to get outside. I looked to my right. My neighbor Jake was outside holding his phone. I looked to my left. My neighbor Aaron was outside holding his phone. We agreed the quake was a doozie. Over 35 years, I’ve felt four earthquakes while inside my home. This was the scariest. Fortunately, there was no damage.

Like the Pony Express, the mail must go through. Despite unusual circumstances, the eNewsletter must be published. Have a safe week, Champs.

And now, this week’s topic:

Kids Interfering With Parents’ Relationships

A month ago, a woman, Champ, 76, living in the Midwest, wrote me about children interfering with her relationship with a man she’s dated for five years. Let’s call her Jolene. It’s not her children who are creating the problem; it’s her boyfriend’s kids and grandkids who are causing it. She wondered if I had ever written about these kids interfering with their parents’ relationships.

Jolene added, “This nonsupport situation by adult children affects other senior couples we know, in addition to us.”

I checked my Findingloveafter50.com website and was surprised to find that I have written on children negatively affecting senior relationships at least once each year in the 31 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns and eNewsletters.

To read previous eNewsletters, including how kids adversely affect their parents’ relationships, simply click on the website link above and search for the categories section. Once there, scroll down to the “Senior Dating With Children Involved” listing.

I never had children, so I’m not an expert on this subject. However, I was in a relationship for 25 years with Greta. She had four children, eight grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. I knew how important family was to her. She spent a lot of time with them, which was fine with me. I was often included. I was blessed; I had a wonderful relationship with each one of her family members.

However, somewhat related to this topic, after Greta passed away, I was immediately ghosted by the kids and grandkids. I never understood why, but I guessed it was because she included me in her estate.

The details of why and how kids affect their parents’ relationships vary greatly. It seems to me that often, the biggest reason is money. Kids, I’ve been told by Champs, are concerned that they are going to lose their inheritance to their parents’ mates or lovers. That was Jolene’s boyfriend’s kids’ concern.

Jolene added, “Shouldn’t the children be happy that their father has found love? And shouldn’t they leave our relationship to us to navigate? Rather than being thankful that their dad is happy and well cared for, all that matters to them is the money they imagine they might lose. Such a pity.

“The ironic part of this melodrama is that if they were smart, they would be kissing up to me to get part of my estate when I die! I am the one with the money.” I relate to that comment by Jolene.

Jolene continued, “Today, I spoke with an elderly woman who told me her son was not speaking to her because she had taken steps to leave her assets to her grandchildren and not her children, who were already quite well off. I comforted her by reminding her that the money was hers and she could do with it what she pleased. It was her decision not her son’s decision. She thanked me profusely.”

Jolene finished by asking: “How do Champs feel about children negatively affecting relationships? I’d like to hear their experiences.”

Tom’s comment: Hopefully, Champs will let us know. The details of every situation involving children affecting senior relationships are different. It could be money, jealousy, insecurity, favoring one child vs. the others, missing the deceased parent, or the child’s demand on the parent’s time — whatever on the children’s part, or even on the adults’ part.

If children are affecting your senior relationship negatively (it’s more common than you think), talk about it with your mate to reach a middle ground, and visit a therapist or marriage counselor if necessary.

Trisha needs a therapist

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

October 13, 2023

By Columnist Tom Blake

Conflicted over senior dating. Responses to Trish’s situation. She’s a disgruntled woman.

In last week’s eNewsletter, we wrote about Trish, 62, who divorced 10 years ago. By her own admission, she is “an angry woman” and questions whether she can ever love again.

And yet, almost daily, she sees a man who adores her, a Southern “roughneck” and a “redneck” as she described him, who helps her for free with maintenance projects around her house. There is no physical aspect to their relationship. She said she worries about hurting him.

Several Champs responded, sharing their opinions. Here’s what 12 women and four men (a 3-to-1 ratio) emailed.

What Women Said

The first response came from Champ Delores, who emailed, “I cannot imagine why a 62-year-old woman, or a 69-year-old man, would accept a no-physical-contact relationship. She truly does have deep-seated issues and if I were that ‘redneck’ man, I would run as fast as I could, since eventually, her obvious disdain of him will wear him down emotionally and mentally.

“Why do that to someone? Let the guy go! And to be angry at what one was ‘dealt’ to you 10 years ago? Take responsibility and move through it! I do not think feeling/acting the victim is a great way to show up for your grown children.”

Margaret, “No physical stuff. She must be kidding.”

Kaitte, “I’m 71, single for 23 years, living at a poverty level, but doing ok. I can’t imagine living with anyone full-time. I don’t want to be responsible to anyone.

“Trish, talk to him and be honest by laying all your cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. If he wants to set you up financially, he can do so without marriage. If you can’t imagine life without him, go for it.”

Deanne, “Here I sit, widowhood wiped out my confidence and I just can’t get out there and flirt. I know I’d be a good catch, but it seems like I’m starting all over as that anxious teenager.

“I was with my husband for 33 years and never realized how time flew. I’ve got to get back on the horse. I think I might need a wingman and all my friends are married and live out of state. I truly appreciate your wisdom and you are now a member of our loss club. I wish I had signed up for the Golden Bachelor.”

Terri, “Trish needs to see a therapist. A letter to a columnist may list the issues, but it doesn’t deal with the issues in the healthy way that sessions with a good therapist can. I hope she sees someone, it can make a world of difference in the quality of life, and in how we face the challenges of health, aging, and love.

“How do I know? Life has not always been kind, people have not always been kind, and I’ve survived lots of losses, survived serious health issues, and dealt with my life issues in therapy over the past several years.

“Get going, Trish! Nothing is promised in life, but life can be very good!”

Susie, “Trish’s story is similar to mine, and it hit home. I could not express my feelings as she did in her message to Tom. I am much older than her, but hope I can feel the magic again.”

Virgina, “Trish needs psychological assistance to get herself straightened out. So many mismatched red flags: her lifestyle that she has never adjusted to but is physically and unfortunately now committed to. She does not embrace her current physical surroundings because of past roots and her social upbringing lifestyle, which seems to be on the opposite end of the social spectrum than his. This is a big red flag, even if they were both in love, which they are not.

“The future for happiness does not bode well. It’s not fair to keep him around just for the surface conveniences. He may be a redneck, but he should not be taken advantage of just because he’s found someone he considers would normally be ‘out of his reach.’

“Trish can find a good handy man, and rent a cruise boat if she wants, but give this man a chance to find happiness emotionally, let him go for his own sake before it’s too late in life for him to do so.

“You were right, Tom, to direct Trish to seek the help she obviously needs with a professional counselor. Life is too short and unpredictable to spend years unwinding so many unsolved issues at our age.”

M (woman Champ), “Regarding the Bob Seger In Your Time lyrics, mine is that life Seger sings about, and my life isn’t easy, but I’ll get through it. I’m doing all I can to cope but now I’m in the throes of the storm. And I know that in the long run, my life will be better than it is now. I’m working very hard to meet the challenges.”

Rhen, “I’m guardedly happy for her but God ‘Gave’ her to him? She seems as she has discovered herself and is set to respond and initiate life beautifully. But she is too self-focused to realize she should let this guy go! Then you have a man who views their time together so deeply differently that it seems heartbreaking to continue such an endeavor.

“Her words jerked me back and forth as she went on. Show this poor man some mercy and let him go find a lady who will embrace his giving spirit and talents. I’d also bet he has some needs that are being unmet because he’s thinking his God has him serving her.”

S, “If you don’t love-’em, you’re using-’em, period. She needs to work on whatever demons haunt her. It’s interesting that she works in mental health.”

Regina, “Reading about Trish’s situation, I thought of the saying, “One woman’s trash is another’s treasure,” because she just isn’t feeling it for the dude. I want that guy! She should let him loose and give me his number!”

Laurie Jo, “What the HELL is wrong with this woman? Good grief! I’m so upset at her! I can’t even keep typing. Maybe more tomorrow when I’m more cogent and less mad.”

What male Champs said

Larry, “I feel this lady has not been direct and honest about the extent of her negative feelings. If she has him read your column and he still sticks around, he is a masochist! She is stringing him along because she has no other current options.”

Art, “I look forward to your weekly column and always find it interesting. I especially enjoyed this week’s edition since I have dated many women after I was widowed in 2007. After a few months of mourning, I joined Meetup.com, and POF (Plenty Of Fish).

“I have since dated at least 35 women, some once-and-done” lunches, where I always picked up the tab, and a few became long-lasting friendships and relationships.

“I have had numerous other relationships over the years, and another one was over before it fully blossomed.

“I am now dating a woman who used to live in my development and has now moved to a very large condo development of over 8,000 residents, which is 15 minutes from my home. We have known each other for more than 10 years. She is 78; I am 85.

“We go to the gym together three times a week, and to dinner each night after the gym. She occasionally makes dinner for me, and both of us love musical theater. We have seen at least a dozen shows, and currently have tickets to four shows in the coming months.

“We are best friends and I do not want to lose her by seeing someone else on the side. At my age, I am OK with being in the friend zone.

“Before my wife died, she and I were talking in our den. She said, “Art, I know I am going to die, and I want you to go out and have a life after I’m gone”. I tried to tell her that I thought she could remain alive for a long time, but since she had early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, I knew she was right.

“I think every one of us has to live the life we feel is best for us, but not close our minds to change.”

Jim, “Trish wants validation but not romance. I think she is wasting her time with this guy she calls a hick when she might meet the right guy for her if she can open up and not be so closed-minded. She doesn’t have it for the guy. She will never have it for this guy. But I did like how you handled it. Maybe this is good for her since she may be opening up in her own way slowly.”

David, “Trish simply does not trust a man, men if you will. Trish’s memories have now become an invisible wall, an invisible barrier, handicapping her from being able to savor life.”

I Don’t Want To Hurt You But…

On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter

September 8, 2023

By Columnist Tom Blake

I don’t want to hurt you but…

The double-whammy of senior dating

An email from a woman Champ this week inspired today’s topic. She’s 70, and her partner of 11 years passed away months ago, which devastated her. She’s trying to dip her toes into the senior dating waters. One thing she’s done is to go online.

She wrote, “For weeks and weeks, a man who lived an hour away and I texted and had long and fun conversations. Finally, we met in person. It felt like we knew each other. There he was, a nice tall man waiting for me at the table; we sat there for three and a half hours, laughing talking, and sharing.

Tom’s comment: Weeks and weeks were too long to wait. When single seniors have an interest in each other, they should try to meet in person as soon as possible. In that way, if there is no connection, little time has been wasted. People sometimes fall in love with an image, someone they have never seen face-to-face, and that usually doesn’t go well. You must see someone in person to judge the chemistry.

She continued talking about the first date, “He wanted to see me again and kissed me several times before I got in my car. Once home, I got a text saying what a great time he had, and couldn’t wait to see me again. Then nothing, no text, no email, no phone call, ever again. I checked the obituaries to ensure he hadn’t passed away.”

She had been ghosted by him. She was still hurting from losing her mate and meeting him had provided a little hope, which had built up over the weeks. She was vulnerable and his disappearance hurt. Not a huge hurt as it was only one date, but that rejection added to the big hurt.

She had suffered what I call “the double-whammy of senior dating,” which is when you are still grieving a big loss and then you incur another loss on top of the big loss.

Another Champ, a widower, shared his story. He said, “Seven months after my wife passed, I was trying to combat senior loneliness, so I tried online dating and met several women. No one clicked. Either they weren’t attracted to me, or I wasn’t attracted to them, or they lived too far away. Plus, ages were misrepresented (claiming they were younger than they were) and photos were deceptive and not properly dated.

Then, one Saturday night, a nice woman online reached out to me. We had an instant strong mutual attraction. She lived within five miles of me.

“She still worked and had children somewhat nearby, so her availability was limited, but we made the most of our time together. I was slowly growing fond of her, and she also of me, but to a lesser degree, which she reminded me of at times.

“We had amazing chemistry. I cared a lot. Sometimes we’d take a break from each other, but we always reunited a short time later. We didn’t have an exclusive agreement but neither one was dating anyone seriously. At least that was my impression and I assumed neither one of us was sleeping with anyone else–at least I wasn’t.

“She started finding fault in me and told me she didn’t want to be tied down to one person. Something had changed in her feelings toward me. She reminded me that we were both free to date others, which was a small dart in the heart, but we continued to see each other a couple of times a week.

“Then, recently she said, “I don’t want to hurt you but…” She was going away for a few days. And it was not to be with her kids and grandkids. She went to the same far-away city twice with no explanation to me. I surmised that perhaps she was sleeping with another man she had met online, although that was never verified. After she returned the second time, I questioned her and she said she didn’t.

“On top of the passing of my wife, I had lost her as well. That really hurt. Two losses in less than a year.

“Her version of what happened in the relationship would definitely be different. There are always two sides to a story. But I think I’m a pretty good dude so I must roll with the flow and try to find someone whose life I can enhance and who loves me as well.

Tom’s comment: This man’s story is another example of the double-whammy of senior dating. Losing someone you care about while still missing your spouse or life partner. As the two stories above reveal, it can happen to both men and women.

My advice to the woman who got ghosted is to pick yourself up and keep trying. Don’t give up.

My advice to the man is to continue putting yourself out there. You know you will meet other nice women. But, keep in touch with her because you and she have such a strong connection, that she may rethink her position. She might come to her senses and realize she might lose you and maybe you will be back together trying to work it out.

The man’s story reminds me of the Neil Diamond song “Solitary Man.” See the link below. There are actually two links included in today’s eNewsletter.

True, there can be other losses that are difficult to deal with while grieving the big loss of an ex-spouse or partner. The loss of a dog or other loved animal can be a subset of the double-whammy of senior dating. How much pain can people tolerate?

There may be some Champs who feel that both of the above people decided to date too soon after the loss of a loved one. That’s not the issue here. Everybody heals differently. And as Elvis once said, “Don’t judge me if you haven’t walked in my shoes.”

The Bottom Line

When meeting a new potential mate, through an introduction by a friend, or while walking your dog, or, even online, proceed with caution and don’t wear blinders. Realize that you are still going to miss your previous mate, so, you’re already vulnerable.

But let’s say something clicks with a new person and you slowly find yourself caring for him or her. You wonder, “Can this really be happening to me?” Be sure there is honesty and trust established.

Chemistry might lead to intimacy. Enjoy and relish that. But watch out and listen for red flags. If the person constantly refers to an ex-lover, or starts finding fault with you, take that as a warning sign. You don’t want to get unexpectedly bopped by the double-whammy of senior dating.

Links to two appropriate songs

While writing today’s eNewsletter, I thought about two songs. Both are linked below.

Neil Diamond’s “Solitary Man.” I love the trumpet player and the other guys on the horns.

Here’s the link. By the way, this recording of the song was recorded at Hot August Night III at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles. Greta and I were there.

Link to Neil Diamond

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=solitary+man+by+neil+diamond&&mid=F20E9AED677C369D1046F20E9AED677C369D1046&&FORM=VRDGAR

Neil Diamond “Solitary Man”

And I also thought about the song by Rod Stewart and Amy Belle, “I Don’t Want To Talk About It,” (how you broke my heart). It’s a classic whammy love song. The link is below.

The song is accompanied by the Royal Philharmonic orchestra. Watch particularly for Ms. Bell’s captivating smile and the incredible woman Saxophone player! And finally, how the audience nearly takes over the song near the end. Rod and Amy love that as well.

Link to Rod Stewart and Amy Belle

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=rod+stewart+and+amy+belle&mid=5D232BAAC961D04CE3FA5D232BAAC961D04CE3FA

Rod Stewart and Amy Belle

My money is on the chair. Blue Lawn Chair leads to senior love

Hello, Tom

Senior love found because of a blue chair

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
January 6, 2023
“My money is on the chair” By Columnist Tom Blake

“My money is on the chair”

5 words that brought love to a senior couple

Finding a compatible mate in one’s senior years is difficult. It can happen when people are willing to get out of the house, walk, be friendly, and intermingle with others. Sometimes, there’s luck involved, and often seniors feel there was a higher power at work.

These factors were the case with Char (not her true name), who recently emailed about finding her senior-love story. She lives in Dana Point, California.

Char, wrote, “In 2013, I was 69 and content with my life as a single woman. I had been walking for 20 years in Dana Point Harbor six days a week. “On my walk one day across the bridge on Dana Point Island, I saw a man flailing around trying to collapse a low, blue-colored, beach chair.

“He looked funny and flustered and I started laughing and called out to him as I approached, ‘My money is on the chair.’

“He looked at me and asked me to come and show him how it was done. No problem, but then I couldn’t collapse it either. We stood there laughing until a lady saw us from her car and mercifully showed us how to collapse the chair.

“When he and I introduced ourselves, we both used our proper names, me: Charlotte, and him: Liam. Normally I’d just say Char and he told me he uses Lee. Later we talked about why we used our proper names; neither could explain it.

“I knew on that first day that something special had just happened to me, that he was the one for me even though he lived in another country and was a recent widower. I figured: ‘Just my luck, no chance whatsoever.’

“I told four friends that afternoon that I had met the one. And, I called my sister that night and told her the same thing.

“Lee is English and was visiting his son and family for Christmas from the UK. He had lost his wife of 60 years six months before, so I knew he was dealing with that.”

Tom’s comment. I asked Char if she and Lee had arranged to meet each other again. She said no, but she sure hoped to see him again. No contact information was exchanged between them.
And this is where luck entered the scene. I asked why they didn’t exchange contact info on that first day of the meeting, or agree to meet at the blue-chair location the next day. What if one of them hadn’t come back? Or they had come at different times? This entire senior love relationship might not have happened.

I encourage senior singles to carry a contact information card, which makes it easy in case one would like to contact the other person.  Char said, “I don’t know why neither asked for contact information, but I KNEW I was going to see him again. I made sure to look fabulous the next day and there he was at the same location. I smiled upon seeing him.

“Maybe the first time we were too dazzled by what had happened and weren’t thinking straight. I used to have a printed card with my name and phone number (that was pre-email) and never once did I hand one out.

“During our second day, we talked for two hours. Lee said he was going home soon so we exchanged email addresses.

Tom’s comment: Yea! Thank goodness they at least shared email addresses so they could contact each other.

Char continued, “After he returned to England, I emailed and didn’t get any reply, I was despondent. The next week he emailed and said he had caught terrible flu on the plane going home and had been in bed for a week. We started corresponding and after about a month he said he was coming back to the USA. I was very happy about that.

“Lee didn’t say he was coming back to see me, (he’s English; they aren’t real demonstrative), he inferred it was just in general, but I later learned after we were together for a while that he didn’t want to be a burden on his daughter in the UK, he didn’t want to depend on anyone.

“I think he felt there was nothing in the UK to keep him there, other than his daughter and her family. He has a son who has a family living in Trabuco Canyon (near Dana Point) with whom he stayed when he visited.

“I surmised that he was coming back to see me because we emailed daily, and I was always telling him how much I missed him and loved him. I didn’t know how those feelings happened, but I felt them strongly and couldn’t keep them to myself. He asked how could I love him and I told him I didn’t know but I knew I did – period.

“Lee has three children, eight grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. His children had no problem when he told them about me. All they said was ‘Just be happy Dad, we want you to be happy.’ No one had any objections to us being together. I mention this because it’s important for people to know that adult children shouldn’t have a vote on whether their parent is with a certain person or not, it’s not their business.

Lee returns to the USA

“After he returned, he didn’t contact me right away. When he did, he said that he had ‘plans’ for the weekend and that he would see me ‘next week.’ I didn’t take that very well and asked when he could fit me into his appointment book. He thought I was serious and said, ‘Tuesday.’

“When I met him Tuesday, again in the harbor, I was really angry, and I let him have it. I told him that I wanted someone to love, not a pen pal, and if he wasn’t up for that to tell me now. I got up and stomped off – he came running after me and said he didn’t know what he wanted, and I told him I knew what I wanted and if we weren’t on the same page to just forget it.

“A few days later he called and acted like nothing had happened (English again) and from that day on we saw each other almost every day.

“He moved in with me within a month after his return to the States. I think he was trying to manage what the ‘kids’ would think. He arranged for me to meet his son, his son’s wife, and, his granddaughters. Everything seemed okay with them. He was critically sensitive about that it had been only eight months since his wife had died. I was sensitive to that issue too, but, regardless, I just laid it all out there, I truly loved him and told him so.

“From the time I met him to the time he moved in with me was four months. We both knew it was meant to be. It’s been nine years and we are as happy as two clams. I say to single seniors, don’t wait around, jump in and swim, you will enjoy the water.

The senior dating age difference

Char commented on their ages. “Lee was 82 at the time, 13 years older. He was reluctant at first to share that info with me. He did a week later. I couldn’t have cared less, I was totally hooked by that time. He’s a very vital man, mentally and physically, he does most of the work around the house because of my health issues (bad arthritis) and he takes a nice long walk almost daily.

“He seemed ageless, sharp as a tack, in good shape, and the best part is he made me laugh a lot and that’s the cherry on top for me; we laugh every day. His sense of humor was all that mattered.

“The blue chair started it all, had he not been struggling with it I would have walked right by and missed the love of my life.

Senior dating a higher power at work?

“Regarding the ‘higher power’ possibility, I’m generally a skeptic about stuff like that but our meeting sure was unusual: the chair, my strong feelings, and the whole thing happening so quickly. I think there was a higher power that brought us together.

“I’m laughing when I say I think another reason Lee moved here was I’m a really good cook and I cooked for him, maybe that’s what won him over. He has a huge sweet tooth and I made him my special pineapple upside-down cake, it’s a double-layered thing, and super moist.

“I hope our story will be helpful for others who might be ‘sitting on the fence.’”

Tom’s final thoughts

There are five key lessons for senior singles from today’s story:

1. When you are out and about, don’t hesitate to be assertive, as Char was when she said, “I’m betting on the chair!” That started a conversation between two strangers that led to love.

2. Singles should carry a contact information card with them in case they meet someone with whom they’d like to spend time.

3. Follow your heart. When a relationship feels right, go for it.

4. Communicate your feelings, as Char did when Lee waited a week to see her.

5. Don’t let an age difference stop you from loving someone. Char and Lee have been together for nine years.

A recent widow sees no chance of dating again

Singer and songwriter Rod Stewart is mentioned today. The photo courtesy of TheScottishSun.co.UK

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

November 18, 2022

A Widow Sees No Chance of Dating Again

By Columnist Tom Blake

Married 40 years, a recent widow sees no chance of dating again

This week, I received an email from a recent widow. She gave me permission to share the email’s contents with our Champs. I will call her Maggie May, not her actual name.

Coincidentally, Maggie May is the name of a 1971 song by Rod Stewart. At the end of today’s article, there is more information on Stewart’s songs and a link to Maggie May, and another link to the flip side of that record, Reason To Believe.

Maggie May emailed, “I follow your articles in the San Clemente Times in southern California. I enjoy hearing the male perspective on dating. I haven’t noticed women writing to you saying something like this, so I will say it: ‘I am 60, recently widowed after 40 years of marriage (Covid took my college sweetheart), and wanting to date.’

“I tried the dating apps and failed. I am not willing to pay $5,000 for a professional matchmaker. I contacted a matchmaker; she was very nice initially. Then she found out my husband and I had opposite religious faiths, which was never an issue for us in 40 years. We celebrated both religions. She turned cold. It was shocking.

“Also, friends and family don’t know anyone for me to date.

“I am physically active. I volunteer and play sports, but I just don’t see a chance of dating again. Where do I start? Are you sure you aren’t a matchmaker?”

Tom’s response to Maggie May “Thank you for mustering the courage to contact me. By writing, you have already started to enter the senior dating arena. More importantly, please don’t give up on the chance of dating again.

“You are young, and just beginning your quest.

“You didn’t fail with online dating; it just didn’t work out for you. While online dating has been successful for some seniors, many feel as you feel, it’s not their cup of tea.

“And no, I’m not a matchmaker, but lately, a few south Orange County single guys around your age have contacted me. Perhaps you can exchange emails with them. Let me know if you want me to give you their email addresses.

“You said friends and family don’t help you. But consider this, perhaps a neighbor down the street or across town appeals to you but he isn’t available. You may not even be aware of him but your family members or friends might know him.

“However, life can change in an instant. That guy might become single overnight. He may feel like you, asking himself, ‘Where do I start?’ Keep reminding your friends and family that you’d like to meet a nice guy. Don’t give up asking them. It only takes one.

“Another indication that you have already started is by your doing volunteer work and playing sports, places where you meet new people. The important thing: Continue to get off the couch and out of the house and pursue activities you enjoy. Maybe even add a few more activities.

“Finding a new relationship doesn’t just happen. However, you can dramatically help make it happen by making interacting socially with people a top priority.

“If you see a man who appeals to you, and, who appears to be available (no wedding ring or maybe he winks at you), strike up a conversation or ask him a question, whether in the produce or wine section of a store, at church, or wherever you go when you are out and about. Be assertive, but not aggressive, and always be friendly and smile. Exude positive energy.

“Let’s say he’s already in a relationship. He might mention to you that he has a buddy who would like to meet potential mates and he’d be happy to introduce you to his buddy.

“I recommend you sign up for this free weekly On Life and Love After eNewsletter. Simply email me and I’ll add you, or you can sign up on the homepage of my website listed below. I attempt to answer all emails in a timely manner.

“Having lost Greta, my partner of 25 years, last month, I understand your loneliness and pain. Perhaps, via this eNewsletter, you’ll get some tips that might be helpful, or you might exchange emails with single men. I’ve often explained why I’m not a matchmaker to our Champs; I think they understand.

“Don’t give up; you are on your way to the senior dating arena.”

Tom’s comment about two Rod Stewart songs The song Maggie May became a number-one hit on the charts. It was the B-side of the record (the A-side was Reason To Believe). Maggie May features one of the most memorable “get-even-for- breaking-my-heart” lines I’ve ever heard:

“The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age.”

Link to Maggie May by Rod Stewart

I like the A-side Reason To Believe better. Its opening words are also a relationship-misery classic: “If I listened long enough to you, I’d find a way to believe that it’s all true. Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried. Still, I look to find a reason to believe.”
Link to Reason To Believe by Rod Stewart

And finally, thanks to so many of you for sending heartwarming thoughts and sympathy wishes to me, regarding my losing Greta three weeks ago. Together, let’s keep this eNewsletter moving forward.

A widow says, “I’m okay without a spouse”

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter
September 29, 2022
by Tom Blake Columnist

A widow says, “I’m okay without a spouse”

This week, we share responses to last week’s eNewsletter, which featured Dee, a recent widow. Dee hoped that Champs would comment about what she should do with her wedding rings now that her husband is gone.

As the responses poured in, they reminded me of the poignant words from the song “Graceland,” a song written by singer/songwriter Paul Simon and released in November 1986 on the album of the same name.

The Graceland album won a 1988 Grammy for Album of the Year. Fifteen million albums were sold. The Graceland song is Simon’s favorite of all the songs he has written. The poignant words:

“Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart. Everybody sees the wind blow.”

(A link to the song Graceland is at the end of today’s column)

I think those words are some of the greatest love-lost-pain words in history. You’ll understand why the following sage responses from Champs made me think of them.

Vickey emailed, “Dee, you have my sympathy. To love deeply is to grieve deeply.

“I am a widow of 20 years. My advice is to not second guess your decisions about the ring. Wear it or not, it’s ok. I have traveled many miles since being widowed by losing my one and only husband. I do have a companion who in every way makes me complete.”

Kaitte, “Re the widow wedding ring issue, Dee, you need to do YOU for YOU. There is no law that says you can’t wear your rings till you are no longer here, and if anyone says something, simply walk away. They aren’t worth a comment unless you want to add, ‘Just widowed,’ and walk away. Same with the pictures. Don’t ALLOW anyone to tell you differently.”

Susie, “Dee’s letter was very sad. I was thinking that anyone who is going through anything at this stage of one’s life should exchange emails and get a group together and talk out some of our feelings; we might be able to help each other, what do you think of that Tom?”

Tom’s comment to Susie. There are many widow and widower groups in existence across the country. It would be easier, I think, to search online for those and join one near where you live. If a Champ wants to start a new one, I suggest that person start a Facebook page. If someone does that, I will be happy to mention it in a future column.

Also, one of our Champs is Christine Baumgartner, who is a relationship counselor and a widow. She is aware of several widow and widower groups. Her email address is christine@theperfectcatch.com if you’d care to reach out to her.

Dr. John (a family doctor), emailed, “Dee poses some interesting questions. Here’s my advice:

– Dee says she never wants to date again – well, maybe. She’s still grieving, it’s way too early to be sure. Also, quick ‘rebound romances’ tend to be a bad idea.

– Most men view widows favorably. After all, one of men’s’ biggest worries is divorce, which in the USA is mostly initiated by wives. Widowhood means the wife stayed with the husband to the end.  I had a patient two months ago who lost his job AND his wife (who divorced him), when he came down with cancer, which he beat. But then he got heart disease from one of the chemotherapy drugs he was given. She ‘didn’t want to be his nurse.’ That goes to show why men have a legitimate fear of women divorcing them.

– I’d suggest re: the widow wedding ring issue, she wear the wedding ring until/if she decides she’s ready for a new relationship.”

Virginia, “Life is short. Dee might benefit if she would consider going to some counseling sessions to help her put her feelings into perspective. While it’s normal to take time to grieve, sometimes a snag like an emotional quagmire can ruin the rest of a person’s life and she or he might need a little help to move on.

Dee is a survivor and has years ahead to enjoy the rest of her life. Maybe someone can suggest a good counselor or psychologist who could gently help her move on, so she doesn’t get bogged down with this and ruin her life.
“There are also some well-written self-help books on the stages of grief and how to recognize what she is going through that might help her.” (See Tom’s comment below for a book suggestion).

Joanie, “Dee should move the ring first to her right hand. Then to a nice chain with the ring on it to wear around the neck. Eventually, she might put the ring into a jewelry box.”

Carm, “Dee’s story reminded me of my Karen’s comment that the nearly five years we spent together were the happiest days of her life. Pancreatic cancer: Only an 8 or 9% survival rate.  “It also reminded me of the puzzlement I went through with our rings: I eventually taped them to the big mirror in my bedroom.”

Cynthia, “I just reread your newsletter about Dee the new widow. I feel her pain after she met Ron and her thinking it was her final marriage. I’ve been a widow for 7 1/2 years and I still have pictures of my husband all over my house because I enjoy seeing them and that brings me comfort. I don’t have any intention of moving them out!

“As far as her wedding ring, after a couple of years, I moved my wedding ring and my husband’s wedding band to my right hand. I wear his band all the time but when I’m going out, then sometimes I’ll add my diamond engagement ring. I enjoy wearing it and I don’t want to give it up so I understand Dee’s feelings totally.

“I think everybody has to figure out what works best for them and I know it’s really soon after his passing but I pray that Dee will take it slow.”

Sharon, “I have been a champ for 14+ years after my husband David passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2008. Dee’s story touched my heart about her wedding rings.

“What worked for me is that I took David’s wedding band and my wedding band and had a jeweler link them together. I bought a very nice gold chain and wore them around my neck for many years. Like Dee, wearing my wedding rings after David died felt different.

“I struggled with the fact that I wasn’t married anymore and those rings were a reminder of the 31-1/2 wonderful years that were now gone. I emphasize gone because I loved my life, being David’s wife, and the life, we had together.

“I did date for a couple of years after his death, but it was difficult because David and I had an autistic son who was 18 when David died. It was hard for me because I think I was looking for someone who would be family and most of the men I dated wanted a companion, not a grown child. I was a ‘packaged deal.’

“I didn’t like bringing different people into my son’s life. It was a challenging time for both he and I. It seemed so easy when I met David and trying online dating was hard for me. I finally decided about seven years ago that I didn’t really want to try dating anymore.

“I have a full life, job, family, good friends, our son Philip, and Special Olympics, and I just prayed that I would be content with the full life that I had. Sure, there are still times, that I wish I had a special someone, but I am so thankful that I am okay without a spouse.

“I joke with my friends, that my husband was such a good husband, father, and man, he made it impossible for someone to compete with that! Except now I have two dogs, and they are special!

“I hope Dee in time finds her way. Trust me, I know how hard it is to lose a spouse, but I take each day one at a time and try to remember each day how grateful I am.”

S, wrote: “To Dee: I wore my wedding ring for seven years after my divorce. Just didn’t feel right without it.”

Wayne, emailed, “The only problem I see with a woman wearing her late spouse’s wedding ring on her left hand is that it indicates she’s still married. Wearing it on her right hand is fine.

“I wear an old wedding ring on my right hand sometimes as it’s an attractive ring. I’ve asked a few women if that bothers them, and they’ve said it was fine. I respect a woman that isn’t afraid to occasionally mention her late husband in a loving way… he was a big part of her life and I see it as a sign of respect.

“Pictures around the house are fine; I prefer they be part of a family photo.”

Thanks, Champs. Not only have you helped Dee, but others–women and men–who are also dealing with being widowed or losing a significant other.

**At Graceland, in 2017, Tom and Greta on the left, Bill (Tom’s brother) and Linda on the right**

Matt and Cheryl – Successful senior internet long-distance relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2019

by Tom P Blake

Matt and Cheryl – A successful senior internet long-distance relationship

Setting the stage–October 2015:

Cheryl, 68, twice divorced from “two very unhappy marriages.” Lives in Ohio. Owns a horse and a home. Two kids, both married. Grandchildren in Ohio nearly grown. She’s lived within 30 minutes of them from the time they were born. All family members live in Ohio and she has many friends there as well. She’s also very involved in her church.

Using free online dating site OK Cupid. Answered 600+ questions on Cupid questionnaire.

Cheryl says, “I know many of your readers have expressed skepticism regarding the safety and efficacy of online dating. I did background checks on a few of the men I was interested in.”

Cheryl considers herself to be a ‘word nerd’—she has a collection of inspiring quotes she tries to live by. Example she provided:

“May I have the courage today to live the life that I would love, to postpone my dream no longer, but do at last what I came here for, and waste my heart on fear no more.” Author unknown.

Matt, 68 (three months younger than Cheryl), widower, one daughter living in her own home in same city as Matt, in the Upper Peninsula (U.P.) of Michigan. Using OK Cupid, Answered 400+ questions on OK Cupid questionnaire.

Getting to know a potential mate the correct way: a step-by-step process

Cheryl says, “When Matt and I were on OK Cupid in 2015, questionnaire answers were multiple choice, however, there was space to add comments to answers; Matt and I both did that on many questions.

“Answers were grouped by category, making it easy to check potential compatibility regarding issues such as religion, political views, etc., and there was a category that essentially identified ‘deal breakers,’ which was also very helpful in ‘weeding out’ potential partners.

“Hence, when we started communicating, we already knew quite a lot about each other.

“We progressed from on-site communication to email to phone calls to Skype-dating calls. Prior to giving him my email address, I Googled him and ran a basic background check.

“By the time we went on Skype, we had enjoyed nightly extended phone calls, often 2-3 hours! The Skype-dating calls were wonderful as you can see each other and enjoy facial reactions.

“In April 2016 (five months after initial contact), I flew to the U.P. to meet Matt in person, and, visit the U.P. for the first time. I stayed a week, at his apartment, which may have been somewhat ‘brazen’ of me, but even that short time living under the same roof increased our understanding of each other.

“In July 2016, Matt drove to my home in Ohio, stayed for two weeks, and met my family and friends. By then, we had fallen in love and decided we wanted to spend ‘the rest of the journey’ together, and I had decided to move to the U.P.

Relocating for senior love to begin a new life

Cheryl continued, “I moved from Ohio to the U.P. of Michigan in Sept. 2016 to be with him (11 months after first contact). It was a big decision, as I wanted Matt to have the opportunity to live close to his daughter when she married and had children. We moved into Matt’s home.

“I like the U.P. and have made a new life for myself here, joining a church, working part-time at an elementary school, and am boarding my horse at a wonderful facility where we are starting a non-profit program called ‘Hoofprints of Hope.’

“The goal is to provide equine experiences for at-risk kids. Matt has been involved as well offering business-planning advice gleaned from his experiences as a city manager and economic development specialist, and he is planning to do some grant writing for the organization.

“Regarding the cold weather (Tom had asked me about this), until this past winter, our weather wasn’t much colder than in Ohio. This past winter was exceptionally cold, but I put blankets on my horse–he’s in the barn at night–and I just layered-up! I’m REALLY hoping this winter isn’t as cold!

“I’m a graduate of Ohio State University. Tom also asked if there was an Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry, as there is in football. We aren’t into football so that’s a non-issue.

“Matt, unfortunately, has dealt with several health issues including cancer in the three years that we’ve been together, but fortunately he is now cancer-free.

“I am still encouraging people to try online dating utilizing precautions such as background checks. If you want to be in a loving relationship you must make an effort to find it! It won’t find you!”

Keeping in touch with family and friends

Cheryl continued: “We return to Ohio to visit at least once a year, and my daughter and family visited us here in December 2017.

“Matt and I feel extraordinarily blessed to have found love with each other at our age–72 now! We know it would not have happened had we not taken a chance on the internet. We both feel the format of OK Cupid was instrumental in our finding each other.

“I learned much more about potential partners online than when meeting men in a social situation.

“I reported several obvious scammers during my online searches. Maybe Matt and I just got lucky, but before we met, I interacted/communicated online with several nice and genuine men.

“Hopefully, we can inspire others to search for and find love and happiness.

“My sister and I had parents who were married for 60 years, so a new woman in our dad’s life (after Mom passed) was quite a surprise! However, she was a lovely person who made Dad’s last three years very happy, and we remained close to her until she passed.

“Dad said, ‘Life is for the living,’ and his decision to seek happiness in his later years with a new partner was influential in my decision to do the same. In addition to finding happiness myself, I hope I have also set an example for my kids and grand kids of overcoming difficulties in life.”

Tom’s comment: Thanks to Cheryl, for so willingly sharing the “Matt and Cheryl” meeting. Six long-distance dating tips from this story:

Finding love after 50, 60, 70 or even 80 can happen, but it takes work, time and likely some money
Cheryl and Matt made the right moves: Putting themselves out there. Progressing to Skype-dating. Doing background checks. Meeting face-to-face within a year.
A willingness to relocate by at least one person
Acceptance of and dealing with complications as they arise—biggest one is usually health issues. Other issues could be money or children
Being close in age can help, but, isn’t mandatory
Having similar interests.

Reminder: The Senior Meet and Greet is this coming Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, CA 92629. 5 to 7 p.m. Beer and wine, $5 each. Complimentary appetizers. 949 412-9008. No need to RSVP

Tutor and Spunky’s – Dana Point California

Dry Your Eyes – McStay Family 9-year ordeal coming to an end

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 14, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

“Dry Your Eyes,” a nine-year ordeal coming to an end

This January, I wrote a column titled, “The McStay Family Deserves Closure.” In one way, it was easy for me to write, as I was closely acquainted with the people affected. In another way, it was difficult to write, as it was deeply personal to me.

That January article described an ordeal that the McStay Family—my ex-wife Susan and former stepson Mikey—have been through over the past nine years.

Background: While on a business trip to Dallas, Texas, in the mid-1980s, I met Susan McStay. In 1987, Susan and one of her sons, Mikey, moved to live with me in San Rafael, California. A few months later, her other son, Joey, joined us.

Six months after that, the four of us relocated to Dana Point in southern Orange County. She and I married later that year; we divorced in 1994.

On February 4, 2010, Joey, his second wife Summer, and their sons Gianni, 4, and Joseph Jr., 3, went missing from their Fallbrook, California home.

Five days later, their Isuzu Trooper was found abandoned in a strip mall parking lot near the Mexican border, giving the impression that their disappearance may have been voluntary, that perhaps they had decided to travel or move to Mexico without telling anybody.

But, that didn’t add up. Food was left on the dinner table, their beloved dogs had no food or water, and there was $80,000 in a bank account. And Joey would never have left without telling his mom.

The mystery of the family’s whereabouts lasted nearly four years. On November 13, 2013, an off-road motorcyclist noticed parts of a human skull in the Mojave Desert near Interstate 15 in Victorville, CA., and reported it to law enforcement. The four McStay bodies were found buried in two shallow graves. A sledgehammer was in one of the graves.

A year later, Nov. 5, 2014, Chase Merritt, a business partner of Joey’s, was arrested on suspicion of bludgeoning to death all four family members.

Another four years passed, until, January 7, 2019, when the trial finally began, which is when I wrote the “McStay Family Deserves Closure” article.

Keeping in touch with Mikey

Mikey, and his new wife, Gaylan, live in the North Beach area of San Clemente, near the McStay Memorial Bench, which is on a bluff overlooking the ocean at 1407 Buena Vista.

McStay Family names on Memorial Bench in San Clemente, California (photo by Tom Blake)

Mikey and I have touched base a few times during the last several months. Mikey phoned me in early June, saying the trial would end soon. He was upbeat.

The verdict was reached on Friday, June 7. However, it wasn’t revealed until 10 a.m., June 10. I wanted to hear the outcome the moment it was announced. I couldn’t get it on live TV, or online, so I turned on my car radio to KNX and sat outside our Dana Point home in the car until I heard the news. It’s the same home where Joey, Mikey, and Susan lived with me for six years.

After a nine-year ordeal and a five-month trial, a verdict was reached: Merritt was found guilty on four counts of first-degree murder. There remain many unanswered questions about the case, and now the sentencing phase is underway.

Did the verdict bring closure to the McStays? In a way, perhaps. But how will they ever forget what happened? Closure wasn’t the correct word to use in that article. According to a June 11 Los Angeles Times article, by Alene Tchekmedyian, as Susan left the court room, she mentioned to a woman, “It’s over.” So, maybe “over” would be a better word choice than closure.

After hearing the verdict Monday morning, I was in a fog most of the day. Although I hadn’t seen the McStays much in the years following the divorce, they had been a part of my life for six years. And I am the reason they moved to California, although years ago, shortly after the family disappeared, Susan told me emphatically not to think that way.

The lyrics, “…To those distant fallen angels, who descended much too soon,” from the song, “Dry Your Eyes,” co-written by Neil Diamond and Jaime Robertson in 1976, kept going through my mind on Monday. It’s a start-healing song, that was written after the 1960s assassinations of JFK, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy.

At a Hot August Night Neil Diamond concert at the Los Angeles Forum in 2017, one of Diamond’s last concerts, I videoed three minutes of him singing “Dry Your Eyes.” Greta and I were sitting in the balcony and I didn’t have my zoom on, but it’s still the best video of Diamond singing that song–and his band playing it–that I could find on YouTube. The band member playing the trumpet is outstanding. The link to the video is below.

You will notice in the upper right corner of the video, beginning about 35 seconds into it–there is a close-up screen of Diamond, and then at the 1:30 point of the video, the trumpet player appears and plays his solo also on that screen.

Now that the verdict is in, somewhat ending the nine-year ordeal that the McStay Family and Summer’s family have gone through, perhaps those family members will be able to start drying their eyes.

Link to my Dry Your Eyes video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/riPIMKjYFWA

A reminder: the next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point, 5 to 7 p.m. I always enjoy meeting and getting to know our Champs who are able to attend.