Columnist Tom Blake – Page 7 – On Life and Love after 50

A stress-free wedding (sort of)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 16, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

A stress-free wedding (sort of)

On Saturday, Oct 10, Greta and I left our Dana Point (California) home at 3:15 p.m. to drive to the Fallbrook home of Tina and Tod, Greta’s daughter and son-in-law’s residence. Greta’s granddaughter, Cierra, was getting married. We allowed an extra 45 minutes to get there. The ceremony would begin shortly after 5 p.m. in the backyard.

Our route was to travel south on Interstate 5, through the Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base to highway 76, upon which we would head east for about 25 miles to the intersection with Interstate 15. Then we would head north on the 15 for about four miles, before turning to the west for three more miles into the scenic hills of Fallbrook. The trip normally took an hour.

While driving south on the 5, we were listening to traffic updates on KNX radio. An update stated that the northbound four-mile stretch on Highway 15 near the end of our route was at a dead stop. I was unaware of any alternate routes. My mind started racing. “What if we can’t make the wedding on time?”

And I knew Greta had heard that newsflash and I could feel her looking at me, probably thinking, “What’s your plan?”

Then, the southbound traffic on the I-5 slowed to a crawl. Oh, oh, time to really worry about being late. We were already 45 minutes behind schedule when we turned onto the 76.

KNX traffic updates about the I-15 stopped. Was it still stop-and-go? We just couldn’t be late for Greta’s granddaughter’s wedding.

So, I chose plan B by turning onto Pala Road, an unfamiliar backroad in the direction of the Fallbrook home. Two narrow lanes, curvy through the woods. It was crunch time, nervous time for about five miles. It was one of those no-conversation stretches in the car except for Greta asking, “Do you know where you’re going?”

“Of course not; I’ve never been on Pala Road in my life,” I mumbled, along with an expletive or two. Shouldn’t the grandmother of the bride be the nervous one, not the driver?

Thank heavens for GPS. Had I not had my phone, I wouldn’t have chanced plan B. When we pulled into Tod and Tina’s driveway at 5:01 p.m., I was a stressed but relieved and happy dude.

The wedding had been planned for June with 130 people on the original invite list. Due to the pandemic, the wedding was delayed and the invite list pared down to 14 people.

Eight were family members of Jeremy, the groom, and six were family members of Cierra, the bride, including Greta and me and Grandma Jo from Utah. That was it, no friends or outsiders.

The officiant was Marc, a friend of Chad, Cierra’s brother. Marc was perfect. He smiled a lot, and you could hear him saying to the couple, “Turn right, turn left, join hands,” that sort of thing. The couple wrote their own ceremony, which included several ribbons being tied loosely around their wrists by Marc, each ribbon representing a vow.

Officiant Mark wrapping the vow ribbons around the wrists

Then, the couple pulled on separate ends of the ribbons. The result: presto, a perfect knot. Very clever.

Besides Cierra and Jeremy, Nya the ring bearer was the coolest aspect of the ceremony. Nya is the couple’s Alaskan Husky. That’s right, a dog with one blue eye and one brown eye. Below are Jeremy and Tina tying the wedding rings to Nya’s collar,

Nya getting “ringed up” before the ceremony

And when it was time, Nya was summoned to the altar, Jeremy knelt down and removed the rings.

Nya seemed bored; her eyes were closed at the altar

All of the women in attendance received a white rose. Here is Greta, holding her rose with her face shield on.

Greta with face shield and white rose

After the ceremony, Nya was eyeing an appetizer in Greta’s hand, he had a look on his face that seemed to say, “Don’t I at least get at a treat for being the ring bearer?” Gorgeous dog.

Don’t I get a nibble?

The father of the bride, Tod, made appropriate toasts at the dinner table, which was located outside with an incredible view of the hills and avocado groves in the distance. The 14 guests were served dinner and then the cake was cut.

At about 8:30 p.m., Greta and I headed out, arriving at home in an hour, enjoying a much-less-stressful trip back; It had been the nicest day of 2020 for us.

Travel during pandemic. Readers comment

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 2, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

Four Champs respond to last week’s topic: Should we go on our planned trip during the pandemic?

Judith, “My partner and I went on the trip you talked about – only we stayed in Paso Robles two nights, had our wine tasting reservations, stayed in Occidental Inn, two nights, and on the way home had one night at the Harris Ranch.

“We went the last week of June and it was great. My granddaughter was getting married at a B & B in Santa Rosa. The ceremony was Zoomed with 50 computers all over the country.

“We purposely avoided big cities and it was all very respectful. I am unable to wear a mask and glad it was then. We were careful but all the businesses were cautious and clean. Indoor dining except for the Napa area. The Bed and Breakfast cooked but it was served in a lunch box!

“My Family gave lots of hugs and we socially distanced only the father of the groom, just recovering from pancreatic cancer. No one got sick.

“We did one more short trip to La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club for two days in August. It was clean and La Jolla enjoyable with few people. My partner celebrated his 83rd birthday during our stay.

“We only live once and we have no fear, it has been a horrible six months for our travel plans, but we have had time to reflect on the importance of our diet, health, and priorities.”

Bonnie. “You and Greta have had a string of tough luck with travel plans. Your stories are aligned with mine. Almost exactly (Terrorism in Europe in 2015 and fires in CA in 2018).

“The good news is when you enjoy your own company, and in your case, the company of your beloved, you can have a vacation at home in OC and have a wonderful time. I think that is the secret.

“We had tickets and reservations for Paris, Annecy, France, Switzerland, and London this September – right now! – for three weeks. Keyword: had. All were canceled, beginning with my favorite, Air New Zealand, canceling the flight to Europe.

“Solo travel has to wait, for now. I have learned how enriching solo travel can be – without tours. I enjoy a year of planning and research and then the trip, itself. Magnificent experiences. Both planning and traveling.

“I have learned to pack a carry-on only, with a total of 14 pounds, including suitcase weight, which allows me on any/every flight with weight limits. And so light for me to navigate to haul around. Happy traveler. Planning now for 2022 Europe!”

Gail, “Sorry about all your canceled trips. This is a hell of a year (When traveling roll with the flow).

“I would love to buy your camping toilet – I would even be willing to meet you to pick it up. I have a trip to LA in November and could meet you in Laguna or somewhere convenient. I would gladly pay for it now if you wouldn’t mind hanging onto it for a bit.”

Tom’s response to Gail: “This pandemic has made us all adjust our lives, including Greta and I purchasing the portable potty. I never imagined that I’d publish in an eNewsletter a short discussion about buying and selling a portable toilet but I guess I asked for it by posting (jokingly) if anyone wanted to purchase it.

“Thanks for the offer to buy the potty. However, Greta has subsequently told me rather strongly that she doesn’t want to sell it. So, to keep her happy, I’d better keep the darn can.

“I bought it on Amazon Prime. The brand is a Stansport. It didn’t cost much. They would deliver to your city.”

Fred: “Similar situation as you and Greta. I planned a road trip early September, only to cancel. Hotels along my route were canceling and many places of interest were closed. That coupled with bathroom facilities, dining etc., made me rethink. Do I want to travel to Yellowstone Park via Nevada, Utah, Idaho and return via Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico & Az. under unknown circumstances?

The answer: No.

“Then made cruise reservations for 28 days in Europe for May 2021 only to be notified by Royal Caribbean a month later that cruise has been canceled.

“As William Bendix used to say, ‘What a revolting development this is!’ So, like you, I’m staying home until this germ is controlled.”

Champ birthday note: Today is Champ Dee’s birthday. It’s a significant one, which I won’t reveal. She lives in nearby Laguna Niguel, in Southern Orange County, Ca. Dee has been a Champ for years and has a heart of gold. Some Champs have met her at the Meet and Greets. So here’s to you Dee. (Rumor has it that there might be a new puppy in the house-arf, arf).

Finally Meeting Willie Nelson (sort of)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 18, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Part One – Finally meeting Wille Nelson (sort of)

Some of you know that I worked with Johnny Cash for two years in the 1970s. One of Johnny’s best buddies was Willie Nelson. And while I met some of Johnny’s buddies, such as Carl Perkins (Blue Suede Shoes),” Larry Gatlin, John Denver, Roger Miller, and Glen Campbell, I never met Willie Nelson.

I promised myself that if I ever meet Willie, I would share with Willie how highly Johnny spoke of him. I’ve tried a few times at Willie’s concerts to meet him but haven’t been successful. Willie’s 87 now, so my chances of meeting him face-to-face, are slim to none, especially during the pandemic.

However, on September 25, I hope to meet “True Willie” at an unusual concert event. Who the heck is “True Willie?” His real name is Roger Hegyi. For years, Roger has fronted a band called “The True Willie Band.” They are considered the most authentic Willie Nelson tribute band in America. Roger’s role is Willie. He lives in nearby Laguna Niguel.

True Willie and the Boys are outstanding. They also perform “The Highwaymen” songs and Kris Kristofferson songs. Greta and I saw them perform four years ago at an outdoor concert at the historical Mission San Juan Capistrano. We were amazed how much Roger looks like and sounds like, the real Willie Nelson.

Link to True Willie website: http://TrueWillie.com

True Willie Band at Willie Nelson sculpture in Austin Texas
Photo courtesy True Willie

On Friday, September 25, the City of Irvine (California), in partnership with the Irvine Barclay Theatre, is hosting a drive-in format concert at the Orange County Great Park. That’s right, people watch a live concert from their cars, as they would watch a drive-in movie. For Champs living in Southern California, who would like to experience this unique event, tickets are on sale at http://www.irvinefestival.org

Tickets are $25 per car. Available tickets are limited. Greta and I bought our ticket on Tuesday.

Why do I think I might meet “True Willie” on that Friday night? Because my Stand Up Paddle Boarding pal, Russell Kerr, is a friend of Roger, aka True Willie. Russell says if I ease up and allow him to paddle faster than I paddle, for even just one day, he “might introduce me to True Willie.” And since I likely won’t meet the real Willie Nelson, Roger would be the perfect anecdote to my having the never-met-Willie-Nelson issue.

Tom’s note: (I’m only joking about paddling faster than Russell. We usually paddle at the same speed, but, when Russell wants to turn on the after-burners, he can leave me far behind in his wake.)

A drive-in “live” concert sounds like a fun option during this restricted time when most concerts are canceled. Greta and I will be packing a picnic lunch and heading for the Great Park. I’ll report on the concert and experience in early October.

Updated note from Tom: Greta and I did go to the concert last night. It was awesome. Details next week. And yes, I did meet True Willie, albeit briefly. I gave him an autographed copy of my book “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” which features Johnny Cash and me on the cover.

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore

Part 2 Positive news from Champ Ken

Champ Ken wrote, “Add to the challenges of dating during the pandemic, from your article last week, these thoughts: ‘Those of us who have actually HAD the Covid and now are still forced to meet all the rules. Mine was nine weeks ago, like a bad head cold for three days and a mild fever. Antibody test says I had it. I’m 62 and in good health with no other conditions, so I had no real issues.”

Part 3 – Tom was taken to task for not following Covid guidelines

Champ Althea emailed, “I was shocked to see that picture of you standing next to Dave. You were not six feet apart and neither of you wore a mask. Why not? You don’t live with him, you met for lunch, you said you sat four-feet apart–should be six–and wore masks upon arriving and departing. So why not in the photo where you’re standing right next to each other?

“And about Champs ‘dating’ in this COVID-19 year. I ask, why do we need to date? Why do we need to meet strangers now? We can’t touch, hug, kiss, or even stand closer than six feet to a date, and we must meet with masks on, which, in itself is a turnoff.

“I say forget outside dating until 2021, and then see where things are with the virus. Being lonely for companionship is not worth the risk of getting sick or dying, especially for us Champs over 65.

“If you’re lonely, then chat online, talk on the phone – that old-fashioned thing that used to work so well – talk to each other through Skype or on the other video chats, Facebook and even Zoom.

“Most online dating sites seem pointless because you have to pay money to be able to meet people (POF is free, but on that site, there are way too many scammers). Scammers are on all sites. Pay to only be able to chat online or through a video call? Why bother?”

Tom’s response to Althea. You are right with your concerns. We took our masks off for the photo. And we dined outdoors. I don’t agree, however, with waiting to date until 2001. I do say, do it with extreme caution.

Also, I think it was important to get my friend Dave out of the house and just chat. To have him stay at home after 23 years of caring for his wife, where he wasn’t able to make many new friends, could harm him almost as much as the virus. Social interaction for him is important. And social interaction is important for Greta and me, we haven’t been out much either.

So, yes, we stretched the guidelines a bit. But, we were still careful.

Another point, if Dave and I had been wearing masks during the picture, a plethora of women Champs would have said, “By Dave wearing a mask, how do we know what he looks like?” It was a no-win situation.

Part 4 – Senior dating encounter & face-mask suggestion

Champ Linda emailed, “Thanks for a great truthful eNewsletter! I was introduced to a gentleman last week by a friend and we all wore masks. It was a brief encounter, at a grocery store, but hopefully, I’ll see him again. Maybe we’ll recognize each other by our voices.

“I wore a small straw hat with a band I had put on, so the hat should be one-of-a-kind. I could wear it whenever I go shopping there.

“Also, we could start a new fad by having masks made that look like us, or maybe Julia Roberts?

“Or, wear a name tag with our picture and first name? I hope you get other suggestions too.”

Part 5 – Breadcrumb dating on the rise during the pandemic?

I received an email this week that stated, “Have you ever been on an amazing first date, just to have the person fall off the face of the earth only to reappear months later as if nothing had happened? That’s breadcrumbing.

“The dating phenomena now referred to as ‘breadcrumbing,’ has spiked due to COVID-19, with more and more singles reporting they’re receiving messages from their on-and-off exes.

“Exes are going back to one another because they are unable to form new bonds due to the lockdown order. The problem here is that these individuals have unhealthy attachment styles and will disappear once they feel that the commitment is becoming too much, leaving the other person heartbroken and confused all over again,” a relationship expert, Tracy Crossley, who claims responsibility for coining the ‘breadcrumbing’ term, stated.

Tom’s comment: I’m uncertain how Ms. Crossley knows that ‘more and more singles’ are being breadcrumbed during the pandemic. It does make sense, however. How about you Champs? Have you been breadcrumed in the last six months? Have any former bread-crumbers (those dirty dogs) tried to enter your life? Let us know.

Senior dating challenges during pandemic

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 11, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior dating challenges during pandemic

For years, I’ve stated the best way for senior singles to meet potential mates is to get off the couch and out of the house.

However, that advice hasn’t been very useful over the past six months. We’ve been quarantined and encouraged to stay home. So, how do senior singles overcome dating challenges during pandemic times trying to meet new people?

Choices are limited. Senior centers and other senior gathering places are closed. For example, the senior Meet and Greets at Tutor and Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point are on hold. The most recent event took place in January.

And when we go to a grocery store or any place indoors, we must wear a mask. It’s difficult to check somebody out from a distance when faces are covered. You don’t approach someone wearing a mask and say, “Excuse me, would you lower your mask so I can see what you look like?”

Internet dating has become the most useful dating tool in 2020. My email inbox is bombarded with online dating-site messages. An estimated 1,500 new dating sites have emerged this year. But, do seniors really want to click on sites with names such as “Cobble,” “Pokerface,” “Say Allo,” “IsMyGirl,” “Live” (speed dating), “Stripchat” or “Extreme age-gap?” Most likely not.

As the number of online sites has increased, so has the number of scammers. Seniors are targets for scammers. Many seniors are lonely, which makes them vulnerable.

Scammers use robocalls, which arrive on our cellphones daily; we should avoid answering them.

But let’s say a senior does meet a prospective mate online, using sites like Match.com, eHarmony, or Plenty of Fish (POF). The advice from dating coaches has always been to meet face-to-face as soon as possible, to avoid wasting time on the wrong person.

But that thinking has changed. Sure, singles can still try to meet face-to-face (or should we say “mask-to-mask?”), but, they need to ask themselves, “Is it worth the health risk?”

Before meeting “mask-to-mask,” should each person take a COVID-19 test and bring the results to the date? An Abbott Labs test recently released called BinaxNOW provides results in approximately 15 minutes, does not need any other instrumentation, is very reliable and costs only $5.00.

On a first date, or any date, does each person wear a mask or gloves and place a package of hand sanitizers/wipes on the table?

Does each show up with a thermometer and take his or her temperature and then show the results to the other person, proving he or she isn’t overheated?

A thermometer for her and a thermometer for him

One of our Champs wrote: “You can probably forget about kissing (can we say Russian roulette every time?)”

How about hugs? That’s always been a nice way to end a date when a kiss would be premature. Even hugs are risky. Yes, senior dating during the pandemic is a challenge.

How can senior singles feel safe meeting a stranger on a first date? Some are trying, respecting social distancing and mask guidelines.

This week, Greta and I met two Champs for lunch. We wore masks upon arrival and departure and sat four feet apart while having our lunch. One of the Champs was Dave, a recent widower we mentioned last week, who appreciated getting out with people. He is doing remarkably well. So positive. So upbeat. Here is a photo of Dave and Tom.

Dave and Tom at lunch on Tuesday

People in established long-distance relationships where air travel is required to be together, are being particularly challenged, especially if one person resides in a foreign country.

Last week the news reported that the Canadian border will be closed for another month. So, Americans and Canadians dating across the border but living apart probably haven’t seen each other in person for months.

Larry, a former neighbor of mine, lives with his girlfriend, Emy, of five years in the Philippine Islands. He had to return to the United States in early January for a few weeks. He said, “I continue to be stranded in the United States. My first return flight, scheduled for March 20 this year, was cancelled by the airline.

“I had to cancel my second flight this month, because the Manila Airport remains closed to foreigners. I am now holding reservations to fly from LAX to Manilla on December 9.”

Will senior dating get easier? Not likely any time soon. A former fraternity brother of mine, a highly regarded doctor, emails a Coronavirus bi-weekly update, based upon the University of Washington’s IHME ((Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation) data.

On September 5, he emailed: “The data sees lots of trouble around December 1 – worse than anything we’ve seen. Buckle your seat belts, we have a long journey ahead of us only to be avoided with effective vaccines.”

So, Champs, if you are going to meet in person, wear your mask, keep your distance, and save the hugs and kisses for later. And write and tell us how the date went and how the challenges during the pandemic were addressed.

A mortgage refinance made sense for me

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – August 21, 2020

by columnist Tom Blake

A mortgage refinance made sense for me and other stories

Last Friday morning, I received an email from a long-time friend who used to be a yacht captain on boats in Dana Point Harbor. He had read the eNewsletter about the homecoming king and queen and wrote to touch base. “Take care. Hope you are well,” Champ Captain Richard Carnesale signed off.

About six hours later, I’m sitting in a rather large waiting room of a large doctor’s office in nearby Laguna Hills, with Greta, who was having an eye examination. It was like mask-city; every person was wearing one. I saw a man emerge from one of the consultation-rooms and walk toward the front desk. I said to Greta, “That man looks like Captain Richard.” I didn’t know for sure because of the mask.

Then the lady at the front desk called his name. He walked there. I moved to within 10 feet of him and said, “Thanks for the email this morning.”

We had a nice chuckle about the coincidence and talked for a few minutes after he checked out.

Ten years ago, Captain Richard and I worked together on a story about a yacht-Ponzi scheme that happened in Dana Point Harbor. Captain Richard had worked with the man for 27 years who swindled several investors. Here is a picture of Captain Richard from an article I wrote in The Dana Point Times on July 13, 2012, about the case.

Captain Richard Carnesale with photo of the man who swindled investors

I also wrote an ebook titled “Dana Point Yacht Ponzi.” You can order it on http://www.Smashwords.com for .99 cents by using the promo code BM58K

From Seattle – A Star Spangled Night

Champ Ellen, Seattle, emailed: “In case you don’t remember me, I’m the lady who sang the National Anthem at the Anaheim Angels baseball game, oh so many years ago, that you did a lovely column about.”

Tom’s response to Ellen: “Of course, I remember. I was seated behind home plate near you. An Angels’ employee came and escorted you to the pitcher’s mound. I noticed your name on the scoreboard monitor. You did a great rendition of the National Anthem.

“When you returned to your seat, I introduced myself. I think we might have had one coffee date. That column was titled, “A Star Spangled Night,” and was published on August 30, 1995, almost 25 years ago to the day. It was the 61^st column I had written (now over 4,000).

Ellen added, “I read in your 8/14/20 eNewsletter that you met Diane Sawyer. I’m envious. I have a picture of her in my scrapbook from when she crowned Linda Felber, America’s Junior Miss in 1964. Linda was from a little town 20 miles away from where I grew up.

“I also have a picture with Johnny Cash. He sang at a Luther League Convention when I was in college. I was charged with keeping him comfortable. He was very quiet. A friend was the President of the National Luther League group, which is how I got the ‘job.’

“Earlier, in 1967, I sang for that convention in the Dallas Convention Center. I thought it would be my biggest audience ever: 17,000 young people. But, the 35,000 fans at the baseball game topped that.

“Paul and I have been together for nine years. Our initial meeting was thru business, thru a networking group. Then some years later, someone else that was a referral from that same networking group, also knew him and set us up to meet at a political breakfast.

“I remembered him; he didn’t remember me. He was in a relationship when we first met.

After breakfast, we planned to have coffee, but in the end, we got together to see a house jazz concert and the rest is history.

“We are happy to be in Seattle with a little cooler weather. I’m still ‘working.’ Became an insurance agent specializing in Medicare. I keep trying to retire, but it’s hard when you can help people understand this very confusing plan. Fortunately, it’s seasonal.”

More small-world stuff – a common bond in Grand Haven Michigan

On Sunday, August 9, I received an email from a Champ named Larry who travels between a summer home in Michigan, a home in Florida, and the home of his daughters and granddaughters in Laguna Niguel, California. He has been a widower for a year after 45 years of marriage.

He became a subscriber to this eNewsletter (a Champ) by searching online for senior dating in Orange County. He found my FindingLoveAfter50.com website and signed up.

In exchanging emails, we discovered that Larry, and my Uncle, George Pardee, were great friends while Larry was the City Manager of Grand Haven, Michigan. That was like 40 years ago.

Larry was in Laguna Niguel this week so we got together for lunch at Tutor and Spunky’s, my former deli, in Dana Point. Larry will be back in Southern California in October, November, and December.

Tom and Champ Larry near Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point

My friendship with another remarkable Champ – Les Jones, a World War II vet led to a mortgage refinance for me that made sense

Les Jones has been a Champ and a personal friend for more than three years. He’s also a widower. He’s 94 and lives in San Juan Capistrano. A couple of months ago, we were talking about real estate. I told Les I’d like to refinance my mortgage but three lenders I contacted felt I wouldn’t qualify.

Les said, “You should contact my friend Vanessa Schwartz. I’m working with her on financing some real estate and she does incredible work, especially with veterans.

I called Vanessa. She said, “We can make this refinance happen.” My interest rate was 4.25% at that time.

On Wednesday this week, Vanessa, Les, and I got together for lunch in San Juan Capistrano to celebrate my refinance. My loan went to 2.88%. A vast improvement over the first loan I ever had in Orange County in 1987 at 13%.

As a World War II vet, Les is good friends with Gary Sinese—actor, director, musician, and producer–who sponsors the Sinese Foundation, which benefits veterans.

Vanessa said, “I was so inspired and enlightened by Les’s stories and how so many that had served allow us to enjoy the freedoms that we have today. It gave me such a higher level of appreciation and gratitude. It made me want to help and this seemed like the perfect way to help those men and women and their families.

“I know the Sinise Foundation is near and dear to Les, not to mention that every dollar goes to those in need (none kept for management). I’m doing this, not to pay back, but to give recognition and appreciation. It really feels good to do this and I hope to write a lot more checks.”

Vanessa can be reached at http://www.whyvanessa.com or email vschwartz@arborfg.com.

Because of our Champ Les, and because I am a veteran, and because Les introduced me to Vanessa, she donated $1,000 to the Sinese Foundation. Here’s the three of us after lunch.

Les Jones, WW II vet, Vanessa Schwartz, and Tom Blake on August 19, 2020

It was a busy and rewarding week. Knowing so many of you incredible Champs is an inspiration to me. Stay safe.

I won’t settle responses and more

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 17, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Part One – Responses to: “I won’t settle”

Part 2 – What two Champs are doing during COVID-19

Part 3 – Appreciating our lives

Part One – Responses to: “I won’t settle”

Last week, we wrote about Stacy, who, in four years, has settled for a man’s indifference towards her. She asked for advice. Comments from 10 women, some who’ve had similar experiences, follow:

Pat, Sacramento, emailed:

“This is a classic case of a woman hearing what she wants to hear. She has allowed herself to be manipulated into a ‘friends-with-benefits’ situation. The only time the man has ‘integrity’ is when he states that he doesn’t want to get married. Maya Angelou said, ‘When people tell you who they are, believe them the first time.’

“This lady should immediately get a paperback copy of He’s just not that into you, a landmark relationship guide.

“This woman is a sitting duck for the scam artists that patrol online sites. They are experts in telling women what they want to hear. If this lady only lost four years, she got off easy. It could have been a lot worse.

“She should not even bother to tell the man goodbye. Just get the book, a coach if necessary, and start her new life. The man is not the problem; she is her own worst enemy. If he contacts her, she should not bother to play the blame game, since she was an active participant. She should simply state that she decided to ‘Get a life!’

“I can state this advice bluntly because I have had these dysfunctional behaviors myself and have recovered.”

Joanie, “Stacy is desperate, and Bob is offering her crumbs. He does not want more than a friends-with-benefits relationship. She, on the other hand, seems to have a very tolerant attitude towards men and is willing to compromise. She should look for a better man.

“Bob is continuing to look for ‘Mrs. Right,’ and he does it in front of her eyes. Stacy’s great challenge is the fear of being alone.

Shelley, “Stacy is settling; she wants to matter to this man, but he isn’t making her a priority.

“If a relationship is not reciprocal, it’s not equal. Stacy should date other men and take a ‘break’ from Bob. Keeping quiet out of fear of rocking-the-boat never works in the long run.

“Bob’s actions don’t demonstrate love. She is not respecting herself.

Susan, “Stacy seems to have visualized that this man is perfectly suited for her but is ignoring the red flags. A person needs to either accept who someone is or end the relationship.

“Yes, it is very hard to let go of the good parts of the relationship but as long as there are parts that don’t work and those parts cannot be accepted with peace and grace, the relationship will never work. Maybe that is what her man sees, but since he is in control, it does not bother him.”

Barb, “Stacy’s situation hit pretty close to home! I have been in a relationship with a guy for eight years. We are very compatible. He is just a GREAT guy, was such a hard worker (just retired), willing to help others. He’s been married and divorced three times, bad marriages, not looking to remarry!

“He’s always telling me how wonderful I am, beautiful, honest, and it’s quiet when I’m not there, etc., but he just moved 1600 miles away. I just returned from spending almost a month there; I’m hoping he will realize what he is missing!

“I will be moving too. Where?? not sure, just out of here. Can’t handle this Arizona heat and take care of my place without his help. Life is what you make it…in a sense, but it is better with someone you love!!

“Reading Stacy’s letter was particularly painful. I have been where she is. Why is it so much easier to see it in someone else?”

Sylvia, “I understand, Stacy, that you want the relationship so much you’re willing to delude yourself into thinking it will change, it will be different, he’ll figure it out eventually. He won’t.

“What he will do is meet someone else and move on while you’re left wondering what you did wrong. What you did was not value yourself. You’re so grateful that he is spending some time with you that you’re willing to overlook important signs. When he is gone, you will have wasted over four years. You can’t ‘fix’ him, you can only fix you.

Value yourself. Don’t settle. Find someone who appreciates you, but you must appreciate yourself first.

“I’d rather be alone than spend time with someone who makes me feel insecure and unsure of myself.”

Jackie, Georgia: “OMG! Is there a book- ‘I Stayed Tooo Long?’ If not, there should be. My heart hurts when ladies settle!

“I had someone pop into my FB about a month ago that showed interest who now lives in Texas but grew up in Michigan close to my home. He was a retired Chaplin and did a lot of spiritual outreach. We had many things in common.

“It didn’t take long for him to sign his notes with hugs and kisses. There was a silent time that I didn’t hear from him, so I showed concern he may have gotten the virus. He said, no, he had broken up with a lady and felt depressed.

“But he told me I was number-one now (what a joke)! He would say how he went to sleep with his ‘Jackie’ pillow. But when he sent me some red-hot lips, I asked him if he was wearing lipstick and mentioned I was interested in someone knowing my heart not the lust of the flesh!

“He blocked me and I haven’t heard from him since! I’m doing a happy dance!

“It’s been nine years since I divorced after 42 years (talk about staying tooo long) and now over three years that Randy, my second husband, passed away.

“I’m trusting in God to be the lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. He led me to Randy and He can do it again without my chasing to look for someone who may not be right. However, I’m not sitting in a chair waiting!

Kaitte, “I don’t think she wants to hear it but if a guy broke it off with me the FIRST time, I would have said that’s it. What’s That old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me–because I let it happen again.

“I would rather be in the single, no-drama state I’ve been in for these 20 years than wonder if someone is screwing me over.”

Leslie, “Stacey says she’s never been as happy. She doesn’t sound happy to me. My bet is if she did as you suggested, she’d find someone who appreciates her.

“Bob sounds like guys I’ve known, so many women out there, he’s playing the victim from a previous marriage as an excuse because he knows he ‘has’ Stacey while he plays around.

“Well, Stacey, there are lots of men out there too. I’ve stayed in relationships too long, also. Out of fear. Wasted lots of time.

“I wish Stacey the courage and the knowing there are men out there who will love her, tell her so, and make a lifelong commitment.”

Diane, 59, shared: I was married 20 years. A year after my divorce, I met Lewis and spent 10 years with him on and off. In year four, his son moved in with him. He gave his son everything the son wanted.

“I should have left him then, but I loved him and thought I could change him. I ended the relationship after 10 years by moving out of state, so that I would not have the urge to contact him, or run into him, or see him again. Tried online dating three times–not for me.

“I’ve learned that I am the only person that can make me happy.”

Part 2 – What two Champs are doing during the virus

Last weekend, I visited Vince and Julie, who are Champs that have a booth at the Dana Point Farmer’s Market on Saturdays. They sell hats and other forms of merchandise with all sorts of different logos.

Champs Vince and Julie

I’ve known Vince for 27 years when he was a tennis pro and later the manager of the Ritz Carlton Hotel Gift Shop. I asked him about possibly having some hats made with a “Tom’s Champs” logo, which I’m thinking of creating.

Vince gave me his business card to check out their company’s website. Oh my gosh, I had no idea his company does personalized logos, hats, clothing, and patches that can be pasted or sewn on to garments. They prepare items for people all over the USA, not just Dana Point.

There are actually three Champs living in Vince’s and Julie’s home. Julie’s Mom, Dee, a longtime Champ, lives with them. They are wonderful, helpful people and very talented. Their contact information is on the website. Check out the website at the end of today’s article; you might find something you’d like.

Part 3 – Appreciating our lives

News came in this week that made Greta and I realize how fortunate we are. It had nothing to do with the virus. Nonetheless, it shook us up.

On May 25, 1999, my nephew Derek, who lived in Dallas, was able to get tickets to the Fifth Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. He invited Greta and I to attend, along with his friends, Jim and Marci Kalina, who lived in nearby Laguna Niguel. The Kalinas never did anything second class, so they hired a limo for six of us to transport us to and from Los Angeles. Derek also got us tickets to a VIP Post Party.

And Derek somehow got us into an even more private special VIP party that was in an upstairs room for the entertainers. We met the members of NSYNC; I recall having a nice conversation with Lance Bass.

When Greta spotted a place to sit on a couch next to John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston, she sat down. Kelly was 36 at the time. Greta struck up a friendly conversation with the Travolta’s and I took this photo.

Greta, John Travolta and Kelly Preston – May 25, 1999, Los Angeles
photo by Tom Blake

This week, Kelly Preston passed away at 57, from breast cancer. Greta and I were stunned. Having met her, it just didn’t seem right that she passed so early. We feel bad for John and the family. They’ve had tough sledding in their lives—a son, age 16, named Jett, passed away in 2009.

Greta and I feel blessed that we’ve been able to enjoy our lives for so long.

The link to Champ Vince’s and Julie’s Going Somewhere Sportswear website:

http://www.gssportswear.com

Woman, 60, says, “I won’t settle!” But she already has – for 4 years

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 10, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

“I won’t settle,” a senior single woman says, but she already has – for four years

Stacy wrote, “Have any Champs ever mentioned that they don’t understand the relationship they are in and don’t know how to accurately describe it? I feel that way.

“I am 60, a senior single woman, successful in my career, have three grown children, take care of myself, own my home, and repeatedly have been told I am attractive.

“After 26 years of marriage, I divorced my husband in 2014. In 2015, I met, Bob, a wonderful man on Plenty of Fish (POF). We live 50-60 minutes by car away from each other. We instantly hit it off. We share many similar characteristics, likes and dislikes, temperaments, values, and life priorities. I knew early on that he was a man of integrity and quality.

“When we met, Bob had been divorced 13 years after a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage but hadn’t healed from the scars. While I was happy and feeling hopeful about our future, Bob always held back.

“During the first two years of dating, Bob broke up with me twice. I was devastated the first time; we reconciled after a week. The second time, I was hurt and confused but each day became easier. We reconciled after three months. We have been dating each other for two years since.

“Bob has always told me he didn’t want to remarry and that I should date others because he knew I wanted a lifetime partner.

“I won’t ask him questions if I don’t think I’d like the answers, fearing they likely would be hurtful and might cause the relationship to end.”

“We continue to spend most weekends together. Plus, we call and email during the week. We both are busy in our work. Right before our third anniversary, I had an uneasy feeling after an evening phone call with him. He sounded vague, suspicious. I checked his POF profile and yes, he was looking for other women to date.

“I was so upset, at 10:45 p.m., I drove an hour to his house. I confronted him about his profile. He was reassuring, saying it didn’t mean anything, he just liked reading profiles, and that no one ever contacted him. I wanted to believe him, but it took a lot of soul-searching and determination to try again. I asked him to take down his profile and be exclusive. He agreed.

“Now, into our fourth summer, and with the COVID-19 virus making seeing each other more difficult, we have had and continue to have our ups and downs. We spend as much time as we can together, but we both took extended vacations to visit family and have been apart quite a lot.

“Last week, I began to wonder if I should resume dating other men. He seems content with our situation. However, he is unwilling to involve himself emotionally. He keeps up a guard, a wall.

“He does not allow himself to be put in vulnerable situations. He goes to great lengths to avoid confrontation. And yet, I can see love in his eyes and in his smile. However, he has never told me in four years that he loves me.

“I saw an ad on Our Time and decided to look at it. Guess what I found? A profile that matched Bob’s 100%! No picture or words this time, I’m guessing he doesn’t want to pay. I cannot tell you how hurt I have been. I didn’t mention it this past weekend because I don’t want him to know I know.

“I went online this evening and he had been active within one hour of me leaving him. I don’t see how he would have time to meet and date women. I think he is just reading the profiles as a hobby.

“I stay with him because I cannot imagine any other person making me as happy as Bob makes me. It doesn’t matter what we do, we have fun and enjoy being together. We finish each other’s thoughts and sentences. He is smart, funny, clever, and kind. He is very easy-going and accepting of others.

“I want him to stop looking at dating profiles! I’d settle (bold face and italics entered by Tom) for some kind reassurances and travel plans. Bob needs to find a more appropriate hobby.

“I would appreciate your opinion.”

Tom’s answer to Stacy

“Stacy, I’m trying to be respectful and diplomatic. However, it’s probably not what you want to hear.

‘You are part of the problem with Bob. In the second to last paragraph, you said, “I’d settle for…” You already have settled. You have settled for four years of not being told he loves you. You have settled because you are afraid that the truth will be painful. You are afraid if you rock Bob’s boat, you will be alone, possibly forever.

“For two people to succeed as a couple, there must be open, honest communication. You don’t have that with him because of your fear.

“You have settled by thinking his studying online profiles of other women is just a hobby and you are not facing the reality that he is looking for another woman who will make him happier. A man of ‘integrity and quality,’ as you referred to him, does not do that.

“You have settled for him telling you to date others, while not knowing if he has or is dating because you fear knowing the truth.

“You see love in his eyes and his smile. But, his actions don’t connect with love. This is a man who hasn’t healed 17 years after his divorce. Bob is not going to change,

You need to:

1. Identify what you want from this relationship

2. Open communications and get the cards on the table, not just about his “online hobby,” but about all things important

3. Be prepared to be on your own because that’s likely going to happen

4. Find self-esteem and courage

5. Stop settling

If you don’t do these things, you will be stuck in the same rut you’ve been in for the last four years.

Your situation reminds me of the title of my favorite Robert Earl Keen, Jr. song, “The road goes on forever” (and the party never ends.)

The party never ends at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point (prepared and delivered 600 sack lunches in 2013)

Link to “The Road Goes On Forever (and the party never ends): You can click on “skip ad” when the video first appears.

The loyalty of Champs

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 3, 2020
The Loyalty of Champs

by Columnist Tom Blake

My newspaper-column writing has an anniversary this week: 26 years. The first article was published on July 7, 1994; it was titled, “Home alone with only dogs for company.”

Six years later, I started writing eNewsletters. Combining the newspaper articles and eNewsletters, I estimate I’ve written approximately 4,300 pieces.

Some Champs have been subscribers for nearly 20 years. Their loyalty amazes and pleases me. Today, I share Beckie’s story; she’s been a Champ for 12 years.

In 2009, Beckie first emailed

Beckie’s story was told in the August 28, 2009 newsletter, which was titled “Old flames reunite after 41 years.”

Excerpts from that 2009 newsletter follow:

“Beckie, Raleigh, North Carolina, signed up for this newsletter after attending a presentation I made at last year’s (2008) AARP National Event & Expo in Washington, D.C.

“Three and a half years ago, at age 56, Rick, Beckie’s husband, died, having lived with ALS for five years. They had married 36 years before while attending Colorado State University (CSU).”

In that 2009 newsletter, Beckie was quoted: “Being alone had become my new normal. But I did not want to spend the rest of my life alone. Finding someone online seemed unlikely. Instead, I thought about Ray, a man I had gone out with my freshman and sophomore years at CSU.

“In the summer of 2008, I found Ray on LinkedIn, thought about contacting him, but wasn’t ready. After Christmas, I emailed him, which started an email correspondence.

“The more we corresponded, the more we found we had in common—a similar sense of humor, values, love of words, how we handle money and various likes and dislikes.

“In March, Ray flew to Raleigh, took me out on a Saturday night and left on Sunday. We found we still had chemistry in addition to a strong friendship we had been building.

“We’ve spent numerous long weekends seeing each other. We celebrated our 60^th birthdays together. He is three weeks older. My children are happy for me.

“I know Rick would be happy too. During his illness, Rick had jokingly said numerous times that he would pick out my next husband for me. He would be surprised that he in fact knew the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

“The relationship with Ray grows stronger as the days and months pass. We are both practical people. We have looked for but found no red flags. Being together is natural. We are very thankful we found each other again.”

Four years later in 2013

On June 28, 2013, after reading that day’s newsletter, which was titled, “Older singles’ dilemma: marriage, live together, live separately?” Beckie emailed me.

She wrote, “What is the consensus of what to call the person you are living with if you have no plans to marry?

“Our reason to not marry is I would lose my late husband’s pension. ‘Boyfriend’ sounds juvenile for a 60-year-old. When I was younger, I never thought I’d be living with someone unless we were married, even though I grew up in the 1960s. But who knew how circumstances would color that thought?”

I responded to Beckie: “I am pleased that you’ve had the good sense not to remarry, which would have meant sacrificing the pension.”

Seven years later June 25, 2020

Two weeks ago, Beckie responded to the “Don’t let the old man in” column.

She emailed, “Ray and I have been together for 11 years and lived together for 10. We are both 70, valiantly trying not to let the “old man” or “old woman” in.

Beckie and Ray–together for 11 years

“Ray plays guitar; he learned to play Toby Keith’s song, ‘Don’t let the old man in.’ He will share it with his Meetup.com guitar group when they can safely get together again.”

I appreciate the loyalty of Beckie and our history of keeping in touch: 2009, 2013, and now in 2020. I hope similar history can be recreated with other Champs who have been with me for years.

Oh, by the way, to answer Beckie’s 2013 question: what do living-together lovers call each other when not married? How about: “My meant to-be mate?” (MMTBM)

Part 2 – July 4, 2020

On Wednesday, a gentleman named Robert sent me an email. The subject line: JOHNNY CASH & That Ragged Old Flag

Robert’s email included a download of Johnny being interviewed by radio and TV personality Ralph Emery, in which Emery asks Johnny if he would speak the words of the song, “Grand Old Flag,” which Johnny wrote in 1975. I went online and found that entire segment, including Johnny’s opinion about flag burning, of which I had never heard Johnny speak in the two years I worked with him (link to video below).

I wrote back to Robert: “Thanks for sending that. I personally was present when Johnny sang that song, many, many times. So, as we approach the 4th, you made my entire week and weekend. I am so blessed to have known Johnny and June and to have heard him sing the song live.

“That was long, long, ago. In 1976, a year after Johnny wrote Grand Old Flag, I first met John and June. Sometimes, I sit and wonder if it really happened to me. Here’s proof it did, in the parking lot of the Victoria Station restaurant, Miami, Florida.

June, Johnny holding John Carter, and Tom photo by Tom

Happy 4th Robert!

HAPPY JULY 4^TH. Remember to wear masks and social distance if you are watching the fireworks (if not canceled. Ours in Dana Point, Ca., were canceled). COVID-19 doesn’t disappear at night. And all of the “ooh’s” and “ah’s” and lack of wind could make the situation even more contagious if too close to others.

Video of Johhny Cash interview:
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=ralph+emery+interview+johnny+cash+grand+old+flag&docid=608033554989319043&mid=2AC110882D31731E207E2AC110882D31731E207E&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

Senior men on finding and losing love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 5, 2020

Columnist Tom Blake

Today’s eNewsletter has three parts. Parts one and two feature senior men on finding and losing love. In part one, a senior man blames himself for losing past relationships, but has a great partner now. In 26 years of writing dating after 50 columns, I can’t recall a man ever fully admitting he was the problem for relationships not working.

In Part 2—a very brief section, a man Champ gives sage advice.

In Part 3 – Tom’s new ebook: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.”

Part One – Senior men on finding and losing love

Champ Joel steps up to the plate and admits that his difficulty in staying in relationships was his fault. And what he did to fix the problem. His words are educational, from which many of us can learn.

Joel shared: “I was 12 years a slave to Match.com, POF and all the others. Sometimes I would meet five women a week in my desperate search for a loving partner. In that time, I met four women that I could have loved, should have loved and would have loved–if only I had known then what I know now.

“I met the fourth woman online; we fell in love and I moved from Tallahassee Fl to San Francisco to live with her. I lived in blissful happiness for two years until she dumped me, with no warning that I saw.

“I moved back to Florida and, over a two-year period–including significant therapy–I progressed from a complete emotional and physical disintegration to my rebirth as a better, healthier man.

Senior love – the problem was me

“I realized there was nothing wrong with any of those four women and in fact, they would have made wonderful life partners. The problem was me.

“I had been inattentive, unempathetic, arrogant, and a lousy listener. In short, what women often call a jerk.

“After a deep self-assessment and adjustment, I met a woman, fell in love, and, after cohabiting for five years, we got married. I believe that many times people searching for love without success think the problem is the people they meet.

“If you’ve been meeting prospective mates for two years and haven’t found one, it may be the problem is you. That was the case with me.”

“My advice is to look in the mirror for the solution. It may be that you need to radically change or accept the fact that you would rather be single, than change, adapt and, accept.

“By accepting, I mean there are some traits that come with gender. Men and women have some built-in behaviors, like communication styles, that are omnipresent. If you want a partner, you have to accept those traits and adapt to them, even though doing that may drive you crazy.

“Likewise, each person has irritating, annoying, even disgusting traits that come with them. They likely won’t change. It’s foolish to think you can change a person.

“If you are going to find love late in life, you may need to change. You must accept a person with flaws. Or you may decide to live single, not a bad choice and one with some advantages.

“My choice was to find a loving partner and that happened when I changed. I am a happily married man now.

Wendy and Joel

Joel added, “Sure proves there is hope for everyone. Best wishes in your search!”

I asked Joel how he and Wendy met. That was unique as well.

Joel emailed, “When I was out and about, and single, my social crutch at a social event or party was my camera. I found it easy to approach people and ask to take their photograph. When they asked why I would say—truthfully–I will send them to you and the hostess of the party. Which I did back in the day of paper photographs, then, later as jpegs.

“In 2012, I had moved back from The Bay Area to Florida. I was with a date at a party and taking pictures and had a chat with an interesting and attractive woman, took her picture, moved on, and later sent the picture files to the hostess…and forgot about it.

“Three months later, the hostess and I were having lunch and I told her about yet another failure with a woman I had dated. She said, ‘You should call Wendy!’

“I did and the rest is history. It’s working because I learned to accept, adapt, and pay attention to her needs, even when I don’t understand. What’s that old saying about ‘a happy wife means a happy life’ or some such thing?

Part 2 – Include A-B-C when profile building

Art, “One thing that I have in my profile is something I learned years ago in sales, A-B-C, always be closing. This means to include what you want the person to do next. For example, ‘If you enjoyed reading my profile, send me a message, and let’s get to know each other.’

“It sounds like such an obvious ending, but most people do not know how to end their profile.” Include A-B-C when profile building.

Part 3 – Last week, I made a mistake in the eNewsletter. Here’s how:

I mentioned an ebook I had just published titled “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960.” The book is about five guys, who traveled in and lived in a VW bus in the summer of 1960. The final 16 days were at the Rome Olympics. I was one of the five. There are some travel photos.

I had offered to Champs to download it for $0.99 (cents). But the link I included was a broken link. I made a mistake. So, I’m making that offer once again with these instructions.

The book is on www.Smashwords.com, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. When you click on the link the first time, Smashwords will prompt you to create a personal account. It’s easy, just enter your email address and create a password. Write the password down so you will have it in future visits to their site.

After you create your account, type my name Tom Blake in the search box, and the covers of the books I have on Smashwords will appear. Click on “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus Summer of 1960.” Then click on “Buy.” Then, you will get a prompt for a Coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle uses the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with the Smashwords online reader.

So that was my error last week, providing a broken link. I made a mistake. A few of you commented on that. Let me know if you have any questions or issues.

84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960

Cover of Tom’s new ebook “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.”

Senior Online dating sites

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 22, 2020 – Senior Online dating sites and a fun Part 2

by Columnist Tom Blake

For single seniors seeking a mate, online dating has been almost their only dating option during these stay-at-home times. Over the last couple of months, I have received many questions from singles asking what dating sites would be best for them.

Beware of scammers!

Take Sheri, for example. She said: “I lost my husband three years ago and tried Match.com. There were a lot of scammers on the site and most men lied about their age. Can you recommend a senior dating site that is better than the others?”

Last week, the eNewsletter featured Judy, who said she couldn’t find local men to date. (Local as in living near her, not local as in crazy). She wondered how to meet men up to her level.

Her comments prompted me to ask our Champs to share their experiences and recommendations for online dating.
The first four responses came from men.

John said, “Here’s a serious suggestion for women having difficulty finding men through online dating: In your profile, put in what you can bring to the table. Women’s profiles typically include what they want, and what they don’t want, but not what they can offer. That’s a mistake.

“Judy made that mistake in her letter to you. She told you what she wants, what she likes, and what she doesn’t want, but no information as to what she can bring to a relationship. To put it more bluntly, this is the gist of many complaints by women about online dating “This is what I want, I’m fabulous, so why aren’t I getting the attention I DESERVE?”

Bruce wrote, “I met my wife on eHarmony, a very professional and reliable site but it does cost money to join. I would recommend eHarmony; it’s not just a hook-up type-of-site.”

Harvey shared, “I’m 73, looking for a college-educated woman, 65-75, to be my life partner from here to the end. I use Zoosk and have been quite pleased with the women I’ve met there. OurTime also has been good. I also checked out Elite Singles and Match, neither of which worked for me.”

Art said, “I have been on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) for 12 years, and back on since March. I am searching for a woman in her 70s, living within a half-hour drive of my house. I am talking with six women and plan to meet them for lunch when this quarantine is over.

Women responded as well.

Jeanne said, “I went on OurTime in 2015, seeking men in their late 60s or early 70s. I dated several nice men, one of whom has become my live-in partner.

“A person needs a lot of patience to go through the online process of looking, responding and meeting! So many men post old or blurry pictures of themselves. But online dating can be worth the hassle.

“I was happy living on my own, but since I am not a bar person and not much of a church-goer, I realized I had to do what I term the big cocktail party in the cloud because my chance of meeting single men was limited. It’s nice to be in social-distancing-mode with a significant other!”

Thyrza stated, “Although this pandemic has limited the options of finding love, there are many dating websites from which to choose. While hibernating at home, a person has more time to browse those sites.

“My guy friend suggested that women should go to those websites with no expectations of meeting Mr. Right, rather to look at it as entertainment, especially during this time.

“I did not expect much from online dating. I say give it your best shot, enjoy the process and you may just find that someone. I did.”

Carol emailed, “I’m an active 77. I’ve tried many dating sites, including paying for a three-day trial with SilverSingles, a Germany-based company. Many men are not within realistic driving locations. The three-day trial did not warrant paying for a full membership.

“Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are free sites. Many want personal information immediately like your phone number, or email address so they can ‘chat.’

“I don’t care how many compatibility tests they give you. Those tests don’t guarantee that a person hasn’t made up answers, or, would be a compatible partner.”

One Champ, Arlene, didn’t let the COVID-19 “Stay-at-home” policy stop her from meeting face-to-face with a man on a first date. She emailed, “I had an ‘encounter’ on Saturday afternoon. I think we were both brave to even try this.

“We met at an outside table/chairs. He had on a mask and gloves. I did not. We were five feet apart. By the end of the encounter, he had pulled his mask down so I could see his bleached teeth (I love white teeth). While an articulate professional, he was probably not my type although I liked speaking with him for two hours.

“He bought us yogurt as that was all that was open nearby. He even walked me to the car!

“So, it is possible to meet during these times. But, it takes bravery and determination. There was no indication, from either of us, of a desire for a second date.”

My suggestions to senior singles: Prior to spending money to join an online dating site, check and compare several sites. Do research. Read the reviews. Check costs. Do they focus on seniors? I read Zoosk is for younger people, not seniors. Beware of scammers. There are scammers on every site, not just on Match.com, so trust your instincts. Be very careful. POF and OKCupid are free sites.

There are companies such as Online4.love.com, which evaluate and compare online dating sites. While that company’s information seems helpful, keep in mind that it and similar sites make money when people click on links from them to the specific dating sites.

I do think what John suggested, to include in your profile what you can bring to the table, is a strong, positive, and “serious suggestion,” as he called it. Both men and women should do that.

Good luck with online dating. Thanks for the comments. As things open up, let us know how meeting-in-person dates evolve, and how wanting to have a hug is handled.

Part 2 – There’s an actor among us

Did you know that one of our Champs was a movie actor in his past life? Probably not. Heck, I didn’t even know. However, you are likely aware of him, because he’s been featured in previous eNewsletters several times.

Chris Anastasio, and his now-wife Tina, are the couple who had the longest-duration, greatest-distance, long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known. How about, 13 years and 5,419 miles? You’ll remember them from their picture at their wedding in February, 2017.

Tina and Chris after their wedding February 15, 2017

And we mentioned them when they celebrated this past New Years’ Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai.

This week, Tina sent an with this subject: “Chris is famous—at last!”

Tina wrote: “Chris received an email from a policeman in New York who is head of a Jaws Movie Fan Club! They have been corresponding for a few weeks and a package arrived today containing dozens of photos for him to sign!

“As you can imagine, he is thrilled that after so many years, people want his autograph on photos from that movie! I’m married to a famous actor!”

She included this photo of Chris from his movie days.

Chris is the only actor to appear in both Jaws, and The Godfather

Chris emailed later, after he learned Tina had sent me the information: “I’m surprised Tina sent that to you. Pretty exciting. If you mention that in the eNewsletter, I will forward it to the Jaws fan club in NY.”

Get forwarding it, Chris; I simply had to mention that to our Champs.

Oh, and there’s just one more tidbit about this inspirational couple. Chris is 86; Tina 79. They are amazing and we’re damned lucky to have them as Champs.