On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 20, 2018
Welcome to new Champs who joined our group this week. Dating, socializing, interacting and experiencing life from age 50 into our 90s is filled with challenges. That’s what we tackle each week.
Once again, you Champs overwhelmed me with intelligent and interesting comments based on last week’s request for thoughts from single men age 70. The topic: why it’s hard to meet available guys. I selected two responses from men for this week’s article and will use the other responses in future articles.
Two men with vastly different views about meeting women
1. Roger, a never married man, takes issue with me
Even though Roger is not one of our Champs, a woman friend of his is a Champ. She gave him a copy of last week’s article. I appreciate that he took the time to contact me. He is among the single 70-year-old men.
Roger emailed, “Your article was passed along to me by my friend Jane, who is a subscriber (Champ). I must take exception to the conclusions that you drew from such a very limited sample (three men).
Is it fair, or even correct, to generalize about an entire population of age 70+ men from the three people who you detailed in your article? I think not.
I am a single 70-year-old man who is finding it difficult to meet a woman with whom I can have a romantic relationship. I am good looking (voted ‘best looking’ in high school), well-educated (a doctor), in great shape (I hike and mountain bike every weekend, and exercise on the other days), spiritual (meditate twice/day), lead a healthy lifestyle, and am financially secure. So, you would think I should be fighting the women off, correct? Not so.
I do meet women who are interested in me, however, many of them are out of shape (someone on the internet described herself as having a ‘few extra pounds,’ when in fact she was 5’4″ and weighed 185! That’s not ‘a few extra pounds’, that’s obese!
OK, that’s an extreme example. However, I do expect a woman to be in shape, slender, compassionate, and leading a healthy lifestyle. Is that too much to ask? I think not.
I recently met a 60-year-old woman at a speed-dating event. Following up with her, we had a lively one-hour + phone conversation. I was looking forward to meeting with her again, and yet a couple of days later she texted me, thanking me for the conversation but telling me that ‘we were at different places in our lives,’ and she didn’t want to pursue the relationship.
It was not difficult to read between the lines and see that she felt a single 70-year-old man was out of her ‘preferred age range.’ A shame. When I was 43, my girlfriend was 24, a 19-year age difference. Certainly a 19-year age difference when both parties are younger is more significant than a 10-year age difference when both parties are older. Go figure.
One other possibility for my having difficulty meeting the right one is that I have never been married. (I’ve had long relationships, the last one was 14 years).
However, I get the feeling that women see my having never been married as somehow an indication of an ‘inability to commit.’ I find this laughable, since in almost every case the woman has been divorced, which means she in fact herself did not commit, or she would still be married. Unless of course she was abused, married to a drug addict, or to someone who was incarcerated,
So, I wanted to give you the male point-of-view. Your article seemed to imply that it was the men who were too picky (wouldn’t date someone who lived more than five miles away, wouldn’t date an Asian, etc). I find quite the opposite to be true; I find the women to be too picky.
Are men too picky? Are women too picky? It’s so hard to decide which ball to choose. All are new and shiny, but the autographs are different
If I am rejected because I am ‘too old,’ even though physiologically I test at the age of 51, or commitment-phobic, even though I have been in relationships that lasted longer than many marriages, then I don’t think it is my being too picky.”
Tom’s comment: I suspect women will form their own opinions regarding Roger’s comments. I found them, well…interesting.
Just a few items for Roger’s information: I was not generalizing about the entire population of over-70 aged men. I merely gave an example of what three men think. Just as I am doing today, but, it’s how two men think.
Also, he assumed the woman he met speed dating felt there was too much of an age difference—10 years—between them when she had told him, “they were at different places in their lives.” My opinion: it could have been reasons other than just the age gap. She may have been just being kind, or, she just wasn’t that into him.
And then Roger’s inability-to-commit assumption could have been something else as well.
2. Bob H.
Bob emailed, “I agree with your observations on why single 70-year-old men age 70 and older are hard to find – but we are still out there. I live in the San Diego, CA, area and volunteer, go to church functions, and work part-time, but still haven’t met the right woman. I would love to meet a similarly aged lady in the SD area who shares my interest in science and in getting out and doing things.
Your advice to be socially active to meet new people is right on – especially going to activities that relate to one’s areas of interest. Anyway, keep encouraging Champs to get out there.
Please send me email addresses of women in my area who think we might have something in common. I know you are not a dating service, but I really want to encourage 70+ women to be active and keep looking – we single men exist!
Tom’s comment: For women living in the San Diego area, if you’d like to communicate with Bob, email me and I will pass your email on to him.
As I said earlier, I will try to include the other responses from last week’s article in future newsletters. In the meantime, keep those observations coming.