How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 – Page 2

Where are the single senior men?

Eight ways to meet single senior men.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 24, 2021

by Tom P Blake

Where are the men? As a senior dating columnist, the most frequently asked question I receive is “Where are the single senior men?” Meaning, available senior single men, and asked by women. Sometimes, the question is worded differently, but the intention is the same.

For example, Marci, 70, emailed, “I live in Orange County. I am retired and would love to meet an available, honest, adventurous man. Where is he?”
Marci added: “I am fun, smart, spiritual, good looking, and healthy. I love my family, friends, animals and ENJOY my life. I am so ready to meet him.”

My usual answer: “There is no specific place, at least of which I’m aware, where senior single men congregate with the purpose of meeting an available senior woman near their age range. No bar, no church, no senior center, no golf course—not even a cruise ship.”

But that has changed. There are hundreds of places now where senior single men hang out–and may possibly be hoping to meet a mate. Where? Isolated in their homes, due to the Covid pandemic. That makes meeting men even harder.

My response to Marci: You sound terrific–retired, healthy, attractive, loving enthusiastic, confident, and positive. Wow, great credentials; you’d be a wonderful partner! Oh, you didn’t mention whether you are financially secure—some calculating guy might even want to know that! But it’s best to not mention your finances. If a man asks, that’s a red flag that he is seeking something other than love.

I wish, Marci, that I had an easy answer to your question. Finding a quality mate is difficult for senior women. At age 70, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately 3.5-to-one. And yet, meeting a mate at your age is possible, even if many of them are hunkered down at home.

My normal advice would be: “Get off the couch and out of the house and involved in activities you enjoy. By doing just that, you will improve your chances greatly of meeting that adventurous guy.”

However, for nearly two years, seniors have been handcuffed by Covid. Socializing and meeting new people has been challenging. Earlier this year, the situation appeared to be improving, but restrictions are reappearing.

So, I’ve come up with a revised list of eight suggestions on how to meet a single senior man:

1 – To facilitate exchanging contact information with new people, hand out preprinted name cards that reveal only your first name and email address. Don’t reveal your last name, street address, or phone number (not yet at least).
Handwritten cards prepared by you are fine. Or you can go to Staples or a print shop to have them done. Carry them with you. Have them ready so that a pen isn’t needed when exchanging contact information with a new acquaintance.
If a woman wants to increase her circle of women friends–an excellent idea–handwriting her phone number on her card should be okay.

If your last name is a part of your email address, you might need to get a second email address that doesn’t reveal your name and use that when first meeting strangers. Just be darned careful regardless of how you are meeting

2 – Seize every opportunity to meet new people without endangering your health. Attend events and gatherings where people are vaccinated and located outdoors in the open air. For example, attend tai chi and/or yoga classes in a park. Introduce yourself to strangers, hand out your name cards, while keeping your distance.

This week, the editors of my three Orange County newspapers asked me to contribute an extra column to an Aging Well insert describing where retired people can go during these Covid times. The article is approximately 1,200 words.

You can read that article online by clicking on one of the three separate newspaper links at the end of today’s newsletter. Look for the Aging Well insert. The article might provide you some suggestions, even if you don’t live in South Orange County.

3 – Don’t focus solely on meeting men. Include women as well, single or married. Make meeting new friends a top priority. Social interaction is one of the most important activities seniors can pursue.

4 – Be sure you are getting physical and mental exercise. It helps your health and makes you a more interesting person. Adopt a project; write a blog. Write a book. Volunteer (safely). Read a book such as “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” by Tom Blake

5 – Internet date, which will improve your chances of meeting a mate. You need access to a computer. If you don’t have this capability, ask a friend for help. The internet is an important senior dating tool, enabling people to search for a mate beyond one’s neighborhood, city limits, and state lines. There are thousands of potential mates out there.

However, BEWARE! I estimate that 25 percent of the people on senior dating sites are scammers, trying to steal seniors’ identity and money. The scammers are experts of deceit, preying on vulnerable seniors, especially widows.

Don’t venture online on your own. Have friends help you. Write me for advice. Trust your instincts. Never send money to a stranger. Don’t be naïve or gullible because you are lonely. Be careful when meeting a stranger in person.

6 – Meetup.com – Again, you will need a computer, but only to locate groups within your area that provide endless activities. Meetup.com is an online site where you can join groups to learn—for example–to dance, speak a language, exercise, cook Italian (or any country’s) food. Learn how to write, publish a book.

7- Volunteer. There are many opportunities in your community. Pick a place to help that makes you feel good and do it. Just keep in mind the Covid precautions.

8 – Suggest to your friends to sign up for this weekly free email newsletter by visiting the home page of my “Findingloveafter50.com” website or email me and ask me to add you. You will learn what others are doing to meet mates.
Cast your net far and wide. Anything can happen. Never give up hope. Continue to enjoy life, with or without a man. Links to Tom’s newspapers

Link to Dana Point Times newspaper
Link to San Clemente Times
Link to San Juan Capistrano newspaper

For senior dating success: open your mind to open your heart

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 25 2021

By Tom Blake – Columnist

For Senior Dating Success: Open your mind to open your heart

As senior singles emerge from the pandemic, many would like to meet a mate. Some of them have asked me for advice on how to begin, where to go, and what to do. Perhaps the most important piece of advice I can offer comes from 14 years ago and is still significant today.

In 2007, Patricia emailed me her story on how she met her mate. Her story was unique. I liked it so much I included it in my “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book, which was published in 2009. Her chapter is titled “Love on the Back of a Harley.”

Several of our Champs’s stories are also in that book.

This week, I found Patricia’s 2007 email in my Gmail archives. She was 62 then. Her email detailed how she met and married a man named Cowboy. His interests and lifestyle were dramatically different compared to what Patricia was seeking in a mate. He was a biker. She had never been on a motorcycle. The final two sentences of that 2007 email particularly got my attention:

She wrote, “On our second anniversary of when we first met in person, Cowboy and I were married. I truly love and adore this big ‘Biker’ and I am proud to be his wife.

“Single senior women should not give up on finding that someone special. They should broaden their minds and consider the unexpected. I never expected to be some biker’s “Old Lady,” but I’ve never been happier and more in love. Ladies, you should take more chances in meeting men.”

In re-reading that email 14 years later, I thought to myself, “Patricia’s advice is still valid today, especially coming out of the pandemic restrictions. Older singles can improve their chances of meeting a potential mate by jettisoning old stereotypes and beliefs, which means being open to people of different religious beliefs, ethnicities, income levels, family situations, hobbies, interests, and accepting people who wear tattoos, or body piercings, and perhaps, have different political affiliations (which, in 2021, maybe the biggest stretch of those listed).

So why did this information from 2007 cross my mind? Last week, I received an email from Patricia, who is now 68. She wanted to update me on the changes she and her husband Cowboy, now 70, have endured during the last 14 years and how they are dealing with post-pandemic retirement.

She wrote, “It’s time to seriously think about retirement. We are both working full time and collecting Social Security. We just purchased a beautiful home in Montana, and we have put our California ranchette up for sale.

“Yes, we are doing retirement backward. We are moving from a warm state and a single-level home to a cold state and a two-story home. But, no more earthquakes, raging forest fires, horrendous mudslides, or high gas prices.

“We love Montana’s beauty. The edge of our new 1.5-acre lot drops down more than 300 feet to a creek with rainbow trout in it. Cowboy loves to fish. If we get snowed in, we can just relax, and take advantage of our fully stocked kitchen pantry.

“Granted, riding the Harley year around isn’t a possibility in Montana, but we will have months when we can. Our new adventure is just getting started, and it all started when I took a chance and met a ‘Biker’ no one ever thought I would match with!”

Patricia added, “When I was online years ago, I read Cowboy’s profile that said, ‘Don’t let the biker thing scare you off, we are not a bad lot; you might want to meet me before you make a judgment. A lot of us are real nice men.’

“I took a chance and met my ‘Knight in Shining Armor.’ He just happens to ride a Harley.”

Patricia’s advice from 14 years ago to open one’s mind and expand one’s comfort zone to meet new people, can be as effective today as it was back then.

Finding love in their 60s because of a logo on a hat

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – January 8, 2021

by Tom P Blake

Goofy Together and Loving It. Finding love in their 60s because of a logo on a hat

During 26 years of writing about finding love after 50, readers and Champs have shared multiple romance success stories with me. I love hearing them.

In 2009, I included the stories of 50 couples—many of them Champs–in a book titled, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” There are eight bonus stories in the book-so 58 couples are included.

As I hear more success stories these days, I’m wondering if a book titled, “How 65 couples found love after 65” should be written. The above book is available at https://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore or e-mail me at tompblake@gmail for a reduced rate.

The latest success story arrived this week. Heather, 67, a Dana Point, California woman emailed: “Love your articles and I’m so happy you have a gal that makes you happy. I wanted to share my story.”

Heather wrote, “My husband died in his sleep, May 2016, while we were celebrating our daughter’s 30th birthday on Oahu. It was horrible.

“Many people told me, look out, you are fit, funny, you cook, you are independent; men will seek you out. It was the last thing in the world I was thinking about. I had a pile of work to get through let alone the slowness of Hawaii for the death certificate and autopsy for my children.”

Heather’s story continues eight months later

In January 2017, Heather and some women friends were enjoying themselves at the “Swallows Inn,” a popular country music bar with a dance floor in historic San Juan Capistrano, which is near Dana Point and San Clemente.

Heather’s friends were originally from Battle Creek, Michigan. So, when her friends saw a man entering the Swallows wearing a cap with a University of Michigan block “M” on the brim, her friends went over to talk to him. His name was Reuben; he was also from Battle Creek.

Heather said, “I was sitting by myself as they were chatting it up and then they hollered over, ‘Heather come here.’ I was smitten when I met Reuben.

“It took until March that he wanted my phone number. Our first date was on April Fool’s Day. We were the couple in the corner acting goofy. We went to Stillwater (a bar in Dana Point) and everyone wanted to be our friend.

“We are a biracial couple; I think my very tan skin and his beautiful black skin were an attraction to people. Also, we are both very friendly and accepting. He is the love of my life and partner.

Reuben and Heather at California Adventure. Notice his hat and shoes

“Within the five languages of love, Reuben, 62, is the Act of Service. He can fix anything in my home. I love to cook and bake for him and keep a clean home. I work out five days a week and he does too. We are fit, healthy, goofy together and we love it.

“I retired in June 2017 after 44 years in residential lending. Went to work at Trader Joe’s in Crystal Cove as I could not stop, cold turkey, from work. Such a fun place to work! Saw multiple celebrities. After 11 months and missing out on birthday parties for little ones.

“In 2018, Reuben moved in with me when his roommates disbanded. He was slowly bringing tools over and we were together all the time. Just made sense.

“Everywhere we go, Reuben has a Chicago Bears or Michigan cap and/or mask on. Always starts a chat.

Reuben’s 4 face masks – Chicago Bears, Michigan (2), Turk’s Dana Point

I love this story. I admit I am biased because I grew up in Jackson, Michigan, 30 miles from Battle Creek. Plus, I graduated from U of M and am a big University of Michigan fan.

There are two dating lessons in Heather’s and Reuben’s story.

Lesson One. Hats with logos are conversation starters for seniors–and ice breakers

Wearing a shirt, face mask, or hat with a college, pro sports name, or something fun on the brim, is a good idea for singles who’d like to meet a mate. Those are conversation starters, ice breakers which is why those Battle Creek women approached Reuben, which led to this love story.

Greta and I observed this when we were on our traditional New Year’s day walk at Salt Creek Beach. I saw people wearing Alabama shirts/hats and Notre Dame shirts/hats and said to the people “Good luck today in the game.” (Alabama was playing Notre Dame in the college football playoffs). Some of them wanted to stop and talk about the game. (Later, the Notre Dame fans didn’t want to. Alabama won big.)

When Michigan fans and Ohio State fans see each with logos, they tease the heck out of each other. Still, that’s a conversation starter.

I have two maize and blue “M” face masks, several “M” golf shirts, a hat, and a pair of Go Blue Michigan shoes. (Greta’s daughter Terry has given me all my UM stuff as gifts. I think, singlehandedly, she has kept them in business).

Tom decked out – down to the UM shoes

If you don’t have a hat with an ice-breaker logo, and if you live in South Orange County California, on Saturdays, go to the Dana Point Farmer’s market and check out Champs Vince and Julie’s booth. They are the “logo hat specialists.”

Our Champs Vince and Julie in their Dana Point Farmers Market booth with a variety of hats. Talk sports with Vince–he’s very knowledgeable

A hat that I cherish from their booth: an old VW bus on the brim. Everyone needs a hat with a logo on it.

And lesson two: Hey guys, to win her over, slowly bring your handy-man tools when you are doing maintenance on her home. Leave them there. Soon, you’ll have so many tools there that she’ll have no choice but to invite you to move in.

Keep those romance success stories coming.

Stop looking for a mate. Finding Senior Love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 6, February 7, 2020

Finding Senior Love

by Thomas P Blake columnist for 25 years

There are three parts to this week’s eNewsletter. Parts 1 and 2 were inspired by emails from two Champs.

Part 1 – Stop looking for a mate. Start living life to find a mate

A woman Champ from the East Coast asked, “What are the chances of a woman 57 meeting a man that she is compatible with and having a great relationship? I’m tired of looking….”

My comment to her: “What are your chances at age 57 of meeting a compatible man? I cannot provide you with a mathematical number because there are too many variables that can affect the chances.

“However, at age 57, you’re still young. The ratio of single women to single men at your age is close to one-to-one. Perhaps 1.5-to-one. Your chances now, vs.–let’s say at age 67–are excellent. The ratio by 67 is close to three-to-one, which makes meeting single men more difficult.

“But, your comment, ‘I’m tired of looking,’ is a red flag for two reasons:

‘First reason: When people look too hard for a mate, they often come off as desperate and people can sense that. It’s a turnoff. Might you have been looking too hard?

“Second reason, ‘tired of looking’ sounds like you are giving up on finding a mate. Don’t do that. As we pass ages 50 or 55, romance doesn’t come looking for us. We have to be proactive. We don’t need to be out there ‘looking for love,’ but we do need to be out there ‘living life.’

“And by ‘living life,’ I mean, we need to ensure we have a positive attitude. We need to greet people with a smile. We need to be active with people. We need to be off the couch and out of the house, involved in activities we enjoy. We need to be physically active, exercise and keep the body moving. We need to walk with a spring in our step, regardless of our health restrictions.

Simply being positive and friendly can improve one’s chances of meeting new people. And when we meet new people, we just might meet a compatible mate.

“We also need to help people. A good way to do that is to volunteer.

“So, my advice to you: ‘Stop looking. Begin living.’”

By the way, I published a book about finding senior love. It’s called “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” It’s actually about how 58 couples found senior love. Available at my Tom’s 50 Couples book and Amazon.com.

Part 2 – More on Senior Loneliness

The second item came from Champ Kenny, who resides in British Columbia. Kenny sent a link to an Ask Amy article from the Toronto Sun newspaper.

Here is the article from the newspaper. I am enclosing it word-for-word to demonstrate how singles all over the world have similar issues as our Champs, and how Dear Amy’s answer to the woman is similar advice we’ve often given in our eNewsletters:

From the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Amy: I am a 70-year-old active woman who is semi-retired. I’ve been divorced for more than 20 years.

My adult children live out of state, and I have only a few social outlets.

I hate being alone and often feel lonely, even with work, volunteering, and seeing my one good friend.

I was excited to meet one older man at church but his entire conversation over brunch was about (you guessed it) sex. I was mortified. I haven’t interacted with him again.

Online dating seems so scary to me. I am only interested in companionship and honestly have no interest in having a sexual relationship.

I am out and about all the time, volunteer, go to the gym, go to work, go to church … and still no male interest. What’s wrong with me? Can you give any advice about how to either be the best alone (and lonely) older woman, or try again? How do I do that?

— Lonely”

And the Ask Amy response in the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Lonely: You should consider cohabiting with another woman. Would your good friend consider giving this a try?

“Otherwise, you should try to build up your friendship pool, with both men and women. In terms of meeting new people, Meetup.com is a great place to start. You will find local meetup groups ranging from square dancing to ‘over 50’ game nights.”

About the above newspaper comments, Champ Kenny said, “A 70-year-old divorcee wanting ‘companionship’ meets some fellow at church…and all he talks about is sex? Go figure?”

I think Kenny is saying, when women want only companionship, with no hugs, many men–not all–will go elsewhere.

Part 3 – Meet and Greet

The next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, February 27, 2020, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH, Dana Point, California, from 5 to 7 p.m. Admission free, appetizers free, beer and wine per glass $6.

One of our Champs wrote, regarding Dave’s comment last week about having Meet and Greets in other cities:

“I like your suggestion to Dave that perhaps small groups can be formed if Champ’s are interested in their local areas. Anybody in the Bellevue, WA area? I would organize.”

Email me if you live near Bellevue; I will forward your email to her. Maybe we’ll have a M and G there. Wonder if Kenny from BC would attend?

Senior long-distance relationship challenges

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 8, 2019

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Champ couple overcomes senior long-distance relationship challenges and now faces another challenge

Our most-written-about Champ couple is in the news again. Yes, I’m referring to Chris and Tina Anastasio, San Clemente, California residents. Most of you will recall that I’ve written about them before on a couple of occasions.

Why the hoopla about Chris and Tina (Christine)? Because, in the 26 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns and newsletters, I’ve never met a senior couple who has endured and overcome as many senior relationship challenges as Chris and Christine.

Christine and Chris in front of Richard Henry Dana statue in Dana Point Harbor (photo by Tom)

To refresh your memory: Their story together began in 2004. Chris, as a cruise ship dance host on a cruise ship, danced with Christine, a lovely widow of 18 months from England. After the cruise, they started corresponding, which began the longest, long-distance relationship of which I’m aware—5,419 miles, San Clemente to England.

Over the years, when they could, they visited each other, and took trips together.

In 2009, I published a book titled, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” In their story, which is included in the book, Chris states, “Every time we get together it’s like a honeymoon.”

After 13 years of being an unwed, long-distance couple, Chris and Christine married on February 12, 2017, at the Dana Point California Yacht Club. Greta, and I attended the wedding, and I wrote a column about them.

Tina and Chris Anastasio–tying the knot in Dana Point in February, 2017 (photo by Tom Blake)

But their challenges weren’t entirely behind them. Christine still had to return to England from time-to-time because she wasn’t eligible to permanently stay in the United States.

So, a month after their wedding, Chris and Christine started the legal process of securing a two-year, temporary, green card for her, so she wouldn’t have to leave the country so often.

A year later, in February, 2018, Chris emailed: “After jumping through all kinds of hoops last year, we finally had Christine’s green card hearing today. It was the last stop in the process.

“We were told to bring pictures, papers, letters or anything else that would prove we were a REAL couple. Christine suggested we bring your How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book to the green card hearing.

“During the interview, I mentioned that we had become kind of famous because of our long-distance relationship you’ve written about. I said we were featured in your book, and handed it to him, with our page bookmarked.

“He started reading. His face lit up. He said, ‘This is great, I don’t have to see anything else. You have your green card.’

“It was amazing. That’s all he looked at. We were out of there in less than a half hour. You had a hand (and a big hand at that) in getting Christine her green card. Thanks for your help.”

Their green-card story is why I wrote a second article about them.

I think their life-together achievement is remarkable. I’ve had seniors complain that someone who lives a few miles away is geographically undesirable. Traveling to another state to meet? Unthinkable.

And, yet Chris and Christine stuck together being 5,419 miles away. Chris is now 85, and Christine turns 79 this December. Chris is well-known in south Orange County for his charity work.

One other thing about Chris, who is a US Navy veteran. On the first anniversary of 9/11, at age 69, he put the American flag on the “A” marker buoy via a kayak, just outside of Dana Point Harbor beyond the jetty in the Pacific Ocean.

Chris said, “I tended the flag every day from a kayak and changed it about every three months until I turned 80 and had heart surgery. The Dana Point Yacht Club said they liked it and would maintain it.” (Note from Tom: this week, I verified with a guy who does stand up paddling in the ocean that the flag is still on that buoy).

And now, another challenge has arisen

This week, Chris emailed an update: “Christine’s two-year green card expires soon. So, we must go back in and apply for Christine’s 10-year, permanent green card. Is it okay with you if we carry your “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book to the government office again? It brought great luck to us two years ago.

My reply: “Of course. Let me provide you with a fresh copy. Hopefully, it will help you get Christine’s permanent green card.

Also, not letting age slow them down, Christine and Chris added, “We are taking a cruise over the Holidays. We board the ship in Singapore December 18, and disembark in Dubai, January 2, 2020. We will watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks from the deck of the ship in Dubai Harbor.”

Christine and Chris Anastasio are one of the most inspiring–and indefatigable–Champ couples I’ve ever come across.

Overcoming Senior Depression

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 13, 2019

by Tom P Blake

As I’ve written many times, emails from Champs provide the fresh information that makes weekly publishing of this eNewsletter possible.

Today, an email from Champ John is featured in Part One – Overcoming Senior Depression

Part 2 wasn’t planned. I mentioned in last week’s column that it was the final article about the trip to Ireland, Iceland, Greenland and Scotland. But something came up that I thought you might find interesting about traveling—I call it “Roll with the flow.”

And Part 3 mentions in about 42 words the date and time of the next Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point.

Here we go:

Part One – Overcoming Senior Depression

I appreciate emails like the one Champ John sent this week.

He wrote, “I wanted to let you know that your book, ‘How 50 Couples Found Love After 50,’ has motivated me to ‘break out’ of depression.”

John’s comment pleased me. When I published that book, my goal was to provide information and hope to singles, based on the stories of 58 couples. (I know the title says 50 couples, but there are, in fact, 58 couples featured).

So, what the book did for John is what I had hoped would happen to people who read it – give information to help them improve their lives.

John explained he was depressed by a combination of three things: A divorce after 19 years of marriage, major back surgery, and a ‘workaholic’ lifestyle (he was still working 40-60 hours per week at 72).

He said that after reading the book, he started to get out and about and socialize.

John said: “I signed-up for a two-day bus trip to the Utah Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City, UT, which was organized by my local, public radio station, KNPR. Twelve fellow playgoers (whom I had not met) and I saw four wonderful plays, walked the town, ate, drank and conversed: I had a wonderful experience! On the return trip, we exchanged contact information with one another for the purpose of sharing pictures and planning future activities.

“One unexpected benefit of the trip was experiencing joint and muscle aches, after prolonged walking and step-climbing, and shortness of breath from lack of daily exercise. How can something that is painful be a benefit? My body was telling me to regularly exercise and to control my diet, to avoid disability.

“My heart told me that emotionally walling-off myself from others was not in my best interest; that the mutual and heartfelt exchange of human affection is the real stuff of life.

“I know that I now am on the comeback trail to Life and Living. Thank you for your inspirational writing.”

The three factors that were depressing John, which I comment on below, affect many seniors today.

1 Depression after the loss of a spouse or partner. John is of the age where many people lose a loving partner–through divorce, accident or death. It can be mentally crippling, causing people to shut themselves off from the outside world. Lately, there has been much in the news about the debilitating effects of loneliness on senior’s health. John now understands that daily social interaction with people is essential.

2 Importance of exercise and eating right. On the trip John took, his body sent him an important message: “Keep me moving. Get me in shape.” It’s one of the most important things seniors can do to remain healthy. And, John also realized on the trip that eating the right foods is a must.

3 A workaholic at 72. Some people keep working after 70 because the income is needed. But, as we age, we must take time to stop and smell the roses. Working at that age can be stressful. It can lead to an early unnecessary demise. We need to ask ourselves, “Do I really need to be working this hard at my age?” and “Shouldn’t I get out and have fun while I’m still able?”

I am pleased that How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 helped John break out of depression. But it was his effort to get out and mingle with new people that did the trick.

The book is available in hard cover and as an E-book, on Amazon.com and FindingLoveAfter50.com. Or, for a special Champ reduced price on the hard-cover version—and a signed, personalized copy–email me at tompblake@gmail.com with questions. I will ship to your friends as a gift and endorse it to them if you request that.

There are actually 58 couples included

Part 2 – Roll with the flow travel event

When I mentioned that last week’s article would be the final one about the Ireland-Iceland-Greenland and Scotland trip Greta and I just took, that statement was before our trip home. Then, a Roll with the flow travel event happened.

Greta and I feel lucky to be alive. OK, I admit, that statement is a bit dramatic, but there’s truth in it, which I will explain.

In 20 years of traveling together, we understand there will be travel-related situations that arise that aren’t pleasant, or, weren’t planned or anticipated.

They accompany the travel game. They won’t appear on your itinerary. They come unexpectedly.

And the way you deal with those situations? “Roll with the flow.”

This happened last Saturday. Greta and I were scheduled to fly home to Dana Point, California, at the end of our 30-day holiday to Ireland, Greenland, Iceland and Scotland.

We disembarked the ship at 8:45 a.m. We waited at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport to catch a 4:30 p.m. flight to Paris’ Charles de Gualle Airport, where we were connecting to a nonstop Air France flight to LAX.

The connection time was tight. We barely made our 6:50 p.m. departure and were happy to be buckled into our seats on Air France. We were going home, and it felt good.

An hour out of Paris, above Northern England, the pilot announced over the PA, “We have a mechanical issue. The anti-collision radar has stopped working. We can’t see other airplanes. We cannot fly over the Atlantic Ocean without it. We are turning back to Paris. It should be a quick-fix.”

I looked at Greta, saying, “There is nothing we can do except Roll with the flow.”

I didn’t mention to her that I was concerned about flying into such a busy airport (10^th busiest in the world, 481,000 aircraft movements in 2018) through clouds, the ground not in site, with no anti-collision radar. I simply crossed my fingers while listening to The Beach Boys sing, on the plane’s in-flight entertainment system. I could sense in looking at other passengers that some were concerned.

I watched the screen in front of me as it showed the U-turn and the airplane progressing back:

Eyes glued to the screen at my seat

On final approach, still listening to the Beach Boys, their song, “Don’t Worry Baby,” started playing, which I thought was almost humorous.

The plane landed. Some passengers applauded. We were safe. Nothing else mattered. A few hours inconvenienced but so what? Roll with the flow.

Passengers were told to take all carry-on items off the plane. And to go to the ticket counter. But we were not told which counter or how to get there (Air France has about 100 counter windows there). Some 300+ passengers were wandering around trying to find the place we were to congregate. It was 10 p.m.

We were not told anything except to get in line at the counter. An hour later, Greta and I got to the counter. We were told, “The flight is cancelled. It will go tomorrow, hopefully.”

We were given a box lunch and a voucher for an airport hotel that took us over an hour to get to—there was no transportation available at that late hour other than an inside-the-airport-connecting train that we couldn’t find. The Air France lady had tried to explain to us in French how to get there.

We were walking through dark parking lots and potentially dangerous areas. I thought, yikes, this is possibly more dangerous than the flight that turned back.

A few minutes before midnight, we arrived at the hotel. I got in line at the hotel reception desk and told Greta to go to the bar and order us a glass of wine, before the bar closed. It had been 15+ hours since we had departed our ship to go home.

The wine was decent; the box lunch filled with carbohydrate and sugar snacks. Not edible.

Blue Lunch Box

Carbs and Sugar

But, we had a roof over our heads and we were safe: Roll with the flow

The next morning, an email arrived early from Air France: “Check in is at 9 a.m. Flight departs 11:30 a.m. We cannot locate your checked luggage. It didn’t make the connection from Amsterdam. Rest assured, we are searching for it.”

We had to retrace our steps to the airport check-in for our boarding passes and go through tight security again. When we finally got to the gate, Air France had changed it to the opposite end of terminal three. Oh well, what’s another 300 yards?

We departed at 11:50 a.m. and arrived safely at LAX, about 20 hours after originally scheduled. Amazingly enough, the checked luggage was on the flight with us after all.

I won’t even get into the traffic mess at LAX these days. It was horrendous. Trying to find your Lyft or Uber driver is zoo-mania.

In travel, one needs to Roll with the flow.

Part 3 – September Meet and Greet

The Meet and Greet gathering for senior singles is scheduled for Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Thursday, September 26, 5 to 7 p.m. Beer and Wine $5. Appetizers complimentary. Hope to see some of you there. In the first three months, some couples have already formed. Yea!

At a recent Meet and Greet

Like A Rock

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 3, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

There are two parts to today’s e-Newsletter

Part 1 – Like A Rock

This past Saturday evening, while sitting at our desks in the downstairs office at home, Greta (my life partner)…out of the blue…said to me, “Do you realize we’ve been together for 20 years?” Her comment hit me like a rock.

Of course, I knew we’d been together for 20 years, but when she said it out loud, at that moment, it got me thinking about those 20 years and how fortunate we were to have met each other when we did.

And whenever I hear the words “20 years,” I always think of the great Bob Seger song, “Like A Rock,” because of a verse in the song that begins with the words, “Twenty years now, where’d they go.”

I imagine nearly all Champs recognize, “Like A Rock.” For years, it was the background music for the Chevy truck commercials.

And if you grew up in Michigan, as I did, you for sure knew who Bob Seger was. He was born in Lincoln Park, a Detroit suburb, and attended Ann Arbor High School. He was close to our age (he’ll be 74, Monday, May 6) so he represented our generation.

Greta continued talking, as if in a stream of consciousness, her thoughts just kept rolling along:

She said, “When I met you, I was 57, you were 59. I’d just gone through a tough divorce five years before. Didn’t want to date although I’d had a few dates. Walked in the neighborhood or on the beach alone…Mostly worked, teaching special needs children, plus four nights per week, home-taught severe special needs children…felt like I was doing something important. It took all my time. Thought my dating life was over. How wrong I was.”

She paused, smiled and then continued, “I never dreamed when I went into Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, on June 24, 1998, and ordered a freshly squeezed carrot juice, that my life was about to change. You walked around the counter and said, ‘Would you like to have dinner with me?’ Wow, what an incredible 20 years it’s been.”

I interjected, saying, “The key to our happiness…in my opinion…is our thoughtfulness toward each other. We’ve shared homes, travel…lots of it…and families. As of two weeks ago, you were blessed with a fourth great grandchild. We’ve shared each other’s retirements. We’ve shared sad times, losing friends and family members. And now, we’re sharing growing old together. How blessed we’ve been.”

At that point, I went to You Tube on my computer, pulled up Like A Rock, and turned the volume high. We toasted to it, with a glass of our favorite Chardonnay, Kendall Jackson Grand Reserve, the same wine we both ordered on our first date June 27, 1998, at the Claim Jumper restaurant on La Paz in Laguna Niguel (California).

Here are the words to that 20-years verse from Like A Rock:

“Twenty years now, where’d they go. Twenty years, I don’t know.
Sit and wonder sometimes, where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin’ arrow straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock
The sun upon my skin
Like a rock
Hard against the wind
Like a rock
I see myself again
Like a rock
Oh, like a rock!”

(Link to “Like A Rock” at end of today’s article)

At the end of the song, I looked at the office shelves that hold photos of many of our 20-year memories together. I pointed to a picture of Greta that I had taken at an AARP convention in 2010, and said, “That photo is my favorite picture of you.”

The photo shows Greta and Maya Angelo, seconds after Greta had given her a copy of “How 50 Couples Found Love after 50,” a book I had just published, that Maya is holding in her hands.

Maya Angelo smiling at Greta while holding “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” Greta was thrilled, as you can tell by the grin on her face

Then I said to Greta, “I wonder if our Champs feel the same way about their last 20 years? I imagine, some do, some don’t.”

As a coincidence, Champ Chris emailed three days later, “I am now 85; Tina and I have been together for 15 years. It’s amazing how fast time flies.”

Regardless of how we feel about our last 15 or 20 years, we must make the best of our remaining years. We’ve got to keep moving, we’ve got to stay active, we’ve got to interact with our friends and family, regardless of what fate deals us.

We’ve got to be: like a rock.

Part 2 – So Cal Senior singles gathering – May 22

Just a heads up to Champs who live in southern California. On Wednesday, May 22, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., the new, enthusiastic owners of Tutor And Spunky’s are going to resurrect the Senior Singles Meet and Greets that were so popular five – seven years ago. Greta and I are honored that Samantha and Elena have asked us to host the event.

Tom, new owner Samantha, 19-year employee Debbie Pachyn, and new owner Elena at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli April 22, 2019

However, this event isn’t going to be for single seniors only. We’d like all Champs…single, married or in relationships…whatever… to join us.

There is no charge. Appetizers will be served, and beer and wine will be only three bucks a pop.

It will be fun to put faces with names. We’ll take photos for the e-Newsletter. Email me if you think you might attend.

Tutor and Spunky’s is located at 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, 92629. Telephone: 949 248-9008.

###

Link to Bob Seger singing “Like A Rock (I suggest click on full screen; turn volume up):”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9b4cW9sx47A

In Search of That Special Someone

On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter – February 15, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior Love: In Search of That Special Someone

Thank goodness, Valentine’s Day, 2019, is behind us. Frankly, I don’t like to write about it. Never have. The reason: In the 50-to-90 age range, there are many singles who don’t have a significant other and Valentine’s Day reminders can be a bit of a downer.

I don’t want to talk about a dozen red roses here, a box of chocolates there, a romantic dinner in some five-star restaurant, or cuddling in front of a fireplace. For people in committed relationships, they already know that’s the drill on V-Day.

But for many singles without a partner, Valentine’s Day can’t end soon enough. They have other things on their mind. As an example, last week, a very nice single woman sent this email:

She wrote, “I am new to your e-Newsletter and enjoying it. I’m 62, divorced twice and live in Orange County (California). You are my inspiration that there is that special someone out there for me!

“I also heard that you have a Facebook group that might be a good idea for me. I’m also wondering from your years of dealing with the subject if you have some very specific recommendations for dating sites. There are so many out there and I’d rather use a reliable and successful one rather than waste my time and money.”

My reply: “Our Facebook group is called Finding Love After 50. It’s a “closed” group; people must request to join. I keep it closed because there are many people lurking on the Internet and Facebook who have evil intentions, or ulterior motives that would not be beneficial to our group members.

“For example, they might want to promote a cause or a business that benefits only them, or establish contact with our members, only to eventually hurt, defraud, or cheat them. I cannot allow that to happen. I must keep the site safe.

(“Occasionally, a member will post too much drivel, so, I delete those posts. If over-posting continues, I will remove that member from the group–after a friendly warning, of course.)

“I prescreen everyone who requests to join the group. I check out each person’s Facebook page to see what they post, who their friends are, and try to get a feel for, ‘Yup, they’d fit in and contribute to our group.’ If they have no personal information that reveals who they are, I don’t let them in the door.

“You’d be amazed at what’s on people’s Facebook pages. Guns, violence, perversion, distasteful sexual content, extreme political views, and membership in hundreds of other groups, which indicates that the people have no actual interest in what our group stands for.

“You asked about recommendations for dating sites. Let me say this up front. What I said about Facebook misfits also applies to dating websites. Don’t get me wrong, online dating is a great tool for mature singles. It allows you to reach out across city limits, county and state borders and even into other countries. It dramatically increases your chances of meeting ‘that someone special,’ to which you refer.

“Still, you must be very careful and leery when dipping your toes into online dating. There are bad apples looking for vulnerable people age 50-plus and older. Trust your instincts. If something seems ‘not right,’ then it isn’t. Wednesday night, Greta and I saw a TV interview with a woman who got scammed out of her $30,000 of life savings (of which $20,000 was borrowed from neighbors), by a guy she had never met in person. Sounds foolish and very stupid, but it was also sad.

“If you do meet in person, do so in a public place, tell your friends with whom you are meeting, check the person out carefully beforehand, and consider doing a background check.

“Of course, never send or give money to a stranger.

“What sites are best? Match.com still ranks high, in my opinion, but not perfect. I met a neighbor this week who lives a few houses away. He and his woman friend met on Match.

“Our Time is for older people, and again not perfect. Those are two suggestions. I’m sure our Champs will mention other sites as well. Meeting that someone special can happen, however, on any dating site. This book, features the stories of 58 couples who met after age 50 (the title says 50 couples, but it’s indeed 58, which is another story). A few of our Champs are included in the book.

Tom’s book is available via his bookstore at https://www.findingloveafter50.com/bookstore

“A woman named Christine Baumgartner is an Orange County relationship coach who is a part of our group. She is a wonderful person and has helped many people in their search for love. She often posts to our Finding Love After 50 group site. Her email is Christine@theperfectcatch.com. Website: www.theperfectcatch.com.

“Christine is leading a panel discussion on Feb 26, 5:30-8:30 p.m., of a woman’s group called WomanSage. I will be on that panel. It will be held at the Center Club, in Costa Mesa, adjacent to the Segerstrom Theatre. That would be a good event for you to attend. For details, go to the website below. Details of the event are on the home page where you see the roses and bottle of champagne. You do not have to be a member of WomanSage to purchase a ticket (www.womansage.org)

“Stay in touch and we’ll help in your search for that special someone.”

I realize that not all of our Champs live close enough to Orange County to attend that evening but people in Southern California would enjoy it.

However, this woman’s situation is similar to millions of other singles across North America. The key to meeting new people, and possibly finding that special someone, is to get out and join new groups. Making women friends is a good way to begin.

Senior love on the back of a Harley

Senior Romance on the back of a Harley. Why not?

In a November, 2007, Finding Love after 50 newsletter, I included a quote from a woman who lived in San Luis Obispo, California. She emailed, “I have been on Match.com off and on for several years, but I am not attracting the type of person I want. Twenty-five percent of the responses are from bikers, so I must have something in my profile that attracts them.”

In the same newsletter, I responded to her: “You are likely attracting bikers because they like to drive there and would enjoy having someone to party with while ‘in town.’ For some reason, I picture those two buffoons in the movie Sideways, which was filmed near there.”

A Champ, (before you were called Champs) Patricia, was disappointed in my response to that woman: “I live in San Luis Obispo County (Paso Robles) and I actually live in the town where they filmed a lot of Sideways. Many ‘bikers’ live and work in the area and aren’t just passing through to party with someone.

“I was also on Match, Yahoo, eHarmony and other sites, had quite a few dates and a couple of short-term relationships over a five-year period.

“Two years ago, when I was 52, I read a profile of a man, 53, whose road name is Cowboy, that said: ‘Don’t let the biker thing scare you off. We are not a bad group; you might want to meet me before you make a judgment. A lot of us are real nice men.”

Turns out, Patricia had a first date with biker Cowboy for coffee. A couple of days later, they had a second date: “We went for a motorcycle ride down to Morro Bay on Saturday, he bought me two dozen roses on Sunday and we have been together ever since,” Patricia said. Now that is a nice way to begin senior dating in a relationship.

In 2009, when How 50 Couples Found Love after 50 was published, Patricia’s and Cowboy’s story was included (Chapter 12, Love on the Back of a Harley). At the end of each chapter, there is a brief Lessons Learned section. One of the lessons from their story was: “When searching for a mate later in life, expand your horizons, your reach, and, even your thinking. Open your mind to new adventures and new activities.”

This week, Patricia sent an update on their relationship: “My husband, ‘Cowboy,’ and I are still together after 12 years (married for over 10 years).

“Life is good and older singles should not give up on finding that someone special. My advice: Broaden your mind and consider the unexpected. I never expected to be some biker’s “Old Lady”, but I’ve never been happier and more in love.

“We both still work at a military installation and are starting to think about and plan our retirement together. We are taking a 10-day cruise to Alaska in September. This has been on my ‘bucket list’ for years so I’m very excited!

“Here are photos from when we first met, and from now, just for fun.

Patricia and Cowboy – 2005

Patricia and Cowboy – 2017
As a coincidence, along the same line, Champ Stella recently emailed, “A good man is hard to find, and so, apparently is a good woman. The few gems out there are quickly snapped up. So, always cast your net into the waters for you never know when there will be fish.”

Older singles can improve their chances of meeting a potential mate by jettisoning old stereotypes and beliefs, which can mean being open to people of different religious beliefs, ethnicities, income levels and family situations. I am in no way suggesting that people settle for less than they desire.

As Patricia discovered, if a nice biker man enters your life, give him a chance, you never know where you might end up, it could be on the back of a Harley holding two dozen roses.

Note from Tom: My book, “How 50 Couples Found Love after 50,” is about senior dating, senior romance and senior love of 58 couples. The book was to have 50 couples featured. But, just before it was printed, eight fun and wonderful senior love stories were sent to me. So, I included them as a bonus.

For seniors wondering how to meet a mate, this book has 58 suggestions.

The book is available on Amazon, in hard cover or ebook format:

Link to How 50 Couples Found Love After 50

Tom Blake's "How 50 Couples Found Love After 50" — 58 stories of senior dating and senior romance. How seniors over age 50 found love

A Green Valentine’s Day Love Story

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – February 14, 2018

Today’s eNewsletter has two Parts

Part 1 – A Green Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is associated with red-colored hearts, red greeting cards, red heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, and red roses.

But for one San Clemente, California, couple, Valentine’s Day, 2018, will feature a green heart Valentine.

Green heart Valentine

The background: In 2003, at 70-years-old, Champ Chris Anastasio, recently divorced, became a dance host on cruise ships. In 2004, he danced with Tina, a lovely woman from England. After the cruise, they started corresponding, which began the longest long-distance relationship of which I’ve ever known—5,419 miles.

In 2009, I published a book titled, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” Chris and Tina were one of the featured couples. Their story was called, “Cruise Ship Dance Host Meets Match at Sea.”

In the book, Chris was quoted, “Tina would love to live in California, but she has family and grandchildren in England. Friends always ask us if we plan to marry and live together. That doesn’t make much sense. Every time we get together it’s like a honeymoon.”

After 13 years of being an unwed, long-distance couple, things changed. On February 12, 2017, Chris and Tina married at the Dana Point Yacht Club.

Tina and Chris Wedding Day

The rest of the story

But Tina still had to return to England from time-to-time because she wasn’t eligible to permanently stay in the United States. So, a month after their wedding, Chris and Tina started working on securing a green card for her, so she wouldn’t have to leave the country.

Two weeks ago today (Friday, January 26), Chris emailed, “After jumping through all kinds of hoops in 2017, we finally had Tina’s green card hearing today. It’s the last stop in the process.

“We were told to bring pictures, papers, letters or anything else that would prove we were a REAL couple. Tina suggested we bring your How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book with us.

“During the interview, I mentioned that we had become kind of famous because of our long-distance relationship. I said, in fact, we were written up in a book. I handed him your book, with our page marked with a book marker.

“He opened the book and started reading. His whole face lit up. He said, ‘This is great, I don’t have to see anything else. You have your green card.’

“It was amazing. He never looked at anything else. We were out of there in less than a half hour. You had a hand (and a big hand at that) in getting Tina her green card. Thanks for your help.”

I think Chris and Tina’s story is remarkable. A 13-year, long-distance relationship endured. Chris just turned 84 and Tina is 77. Chris volunteers at the San Clemente Villas, a residence for seniors, by dancing with the residents every week. He also dresses up as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny on holidays.

One other thing about Chris. On the first anniversary of 9/11, at age 69, he put the American flag on the “A” marker buoy via a kayak, just outside of Dana Point Harbor beyond the jetty in the Pacific Ocean.

For Valentine’s Day, 2018, you can bet that the color of Chris and Tina’s valentine will be green. I am incredibly proud of them.

The book, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50,” is available on Tom’s online bookstore at:

http://www.findingloveafter50.com/how-50-couples-found-love-after-50

A similar article by Tom Blake appeared in these Picket Fence Media newspapers:

aeb8d6_d1217dc996dc4392a46d4bcabc21eb2f_mv2

San Clemente Times

Dana Point Times

————————————————————————
Part 2 – A tribute to Shirley Budhos, the Wise Bird of Manhattan, a departed Champ

Champ Sally M., emailed “Our dear friend Shirley Budhos, aka the Wise Bird of Manhattan, passed away on January 24. You introduced us several years ago and we became friends.”

My response to Sally: “This is tough news for me. I loved her spirit, although we had never met in person. She was active with our newsletter until two weeks ago. When I quoted her, I always called her ‘The Wise Bird of Manhattan,’ a titled she provided more than 15 years ago.

“She contributed an endless number of times to the newsletter with her wisdom. Thanks for letting me know; I often don’t learn when we lose a Champ except when they stop sending in their opinions.

“She is probably itching to give her opinion from heaven today. I can almost guess what she would have said. I am honored that you let me know. Sorry for your/our loss.

“I looked back into my archives and found an email that Shirley wrote on July 8, 2016, She said: ‘I feel like a spokeswoman who cannot articulate and reveal what women experience. All is not hilarity at my home, but my Russian soul suffers, mourns, and dashes with hilarity, the absurdity of living so long. Without my sense of humor, I would die.

“If you believe in miracles or happy endings, think of me. Life goes on in its own bumpy fashion. I have never lost interest in men and passion, but my imagination is somewhat more fulfilling than reality.”

We will miss you Wise Bird.