Stop looking for a mate. Finding Senior Love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  Issue 6, February 7, 2020

Finding Senior Love

by Thomas P Blake columnist for 25 years

There are three parts to this week’s eNewsletter. Parts 1 and 2 were inspired by emails from two Champs.

        Part 1 –  Stop looking for a mate. Start living life to find a mate

A woman Champ from the East Coast asked, “What are the chances of a woman 57 meeting a man that she is compatible with and having a great relationship? I’m tired of looking….”

My comment to her: “What are your chances at age 57 of meeting a compatible man? I cannot provide you with a mathematical number because there are too many variables that can affect the chances.

“However, at age 57, you’re still young. The ratio of single women to single men at your age is close to one-to-one. Perhaps 1.5-to-one. Your chances now, vs.–let’s say at age 67–are excellent. The ratio by 67 is close to three-to-one, which makes meeting single men more difficult.

“But, your comment, ‘I’m tired of looking,’ is a red flag for two reasons:

‘First reason: When people look too hard for a mate, they often come off as desperate and people can sense that. It’s a turnoff. Might you have been looking too hard?

“Second reason, ‘tired of looking’ sounds like you are giving up on finding a mate. Don’t do that. As we pass ages 50 or 55, romance doesn’t come looking for us. We have to be proactive. We don’t need to be out there ‘looking for love,’ but we do need to be out there ‘living life.’

“And by ‘living life,’ I mean, we need to ensure we have a positive attitude. We need to greet people with a smile. We need to be active with people. We need to be off the couch and out of the house, involved in activities we enjoy. We need to be physically active, exercise and keep the body moving. We need to walk with a spring in our step, regardless of our health restrictions.

Simply being positive and friendly can improve one’s chances of meeting new people. And when we meet new people, we just might meet a compatible mate.

“We also need to help people. A good way to do that is to volunteer.

“So, my advice to you: ‘Stop looking. Begin living.’”

By the way, I published a book about finding senior love. It’s called “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” It’s actually about how 58 couples found senior love. Available at my Tom’s 50 Couples book  and Amazon.com.

50 couples cover

                                  Part 2 – More on Senior Loneliness

The second item came from Champ Kenny, who resides in British Columbia. Kenny sent a link to an Ask Amy article from the Toronto Sun newspaper.

Here is the article from the newspaper. I am enclosing it word-for-word to demonstrate how singles all over the world have similar issues as our Champs, and how Dear Amy’s answer to the woman is similar advice we’ve often given in our eNewsletters:

From the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Amy: I am a 70-year-old active woman who is semi-retired. I’ve been divorced for more than 20 years.

My adult children live out of state, and I have only a few social outlets.

I hate being alone and often feel lonely, even with work, volunteering, and seeing my one good friend.

I was excited to meet one older man at church but his entire conversation over brunch was about (you guessed it) sex. I was mortified. I haven’t interacted with him again.

Online dating seems so scary to me. I am only interested in companionship and honestly have no interest in having a sexual relationship.

I am out and about all the time, volunteer, go to the gym, go to work, go to church … and still no male interest. What’s wrong with me? Can you give any advice about how to either be the best alone (and lonely) older woman, or try again? How do I do that?

— Lonely”

And the Ask Amy response in the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Lonely: You should consider cohabiting with another woman. Would your good friend consider giving this a try?

“Otherwise, you should try to build up your friendship pool, with both men and women. In terms of meeting new people, Meetup.com is a great place to start. You will find local meetup groups ranging from square dancing to ‘over 50’ game nights.”

About the above newspaper comments, Champ Kenny said, “A 70-year-old divorcee wanting ‘companionship’ meets some fellow at church…and all he talks about is sex? Go figure?”

I think Kenny is saying, when women want only companionship, with no hugs, many men–not all–will go elsewhere.

                                  Part 3 – Meet and Greet

The next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, February 27, 2020, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH, Dana Point, California, from 5 to 7 p.m. Admission free, appetizers free, beer and wine per glass $6.

One of our Champs wrote, regarding Dave’s comment last week about having Meet and Greets in other cities:

“I like your suggestion to Dave that perhaps small groups can be formed if Champ’s are interested in their local areas. Anybody in the Bellevue, WA area? I would organize.”

Email me if you live near Bellevue; I will forward your email to her. Maybe we’ll have a M and G there. Wonder if Kenny from BC would attend?

Author: tpblake

Tom Blake is a newspaper columnist in south Orange County, California. He has published four books. His primary topic is finding love after 50 and beyond, sometimes far beyond, for people 80 and older as well. He also blogs about travel at TravelAfter55.com.

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