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On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter December 8, 2023 Emotionally Available To Date? By Tom Blake

Two Widowed Friends (Champs) Featured Today  George B., San Francisco, is one of our longest-tenured Champs (for 20+ years). This week George emailed a picture of himself and his woman friend Mareah (see above). It was taken last week at the annual Christmas luncheon at The Presidio Golf & Concordia Club, in San Francisco.  George said, “The Presidio Golf Club was established in 1896 and the Argonaut-Concordia Club was established in 1864, both in San Francisco. The two clubs merged in 2016.  “Mareah and I met on September 27, 2007, four months after my second wife Laura died and six years after Mareah’s husband died. So, it’s been more than 16 years since our relationship began.  “Now we have a senior long-distance friendship (LDF) because Mareah became a first-time grandmother through her son last year and moved to Colorado Springs to be there for them. We never got married, although we did seriously contemplate matrimony. “I am 83 and she is 64. We’ve had a grand adventure with annual cruises and land away-from-home trips, and she comes to the Bay Area with her now-married daughter so the companionship, albeit intermittent, continues.  “We will be cruising to Alaska for 11 days in 2024.” George is a special friend of mine. Here’s why. I checked my Gmail archives and since 2009, George has sent me 39 emails. His and Mareah’s love story is Chapter 29 in my “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book. Mareah met George’s wife Laura years before in the early 2000s. In September 2007, George was sitting at the bar at Celia’s Mexican Restaurant San Francisco (Judah Street at 45th Avenue in San Francisco) when he spotted Mareah and asked her to sit beside him on a just-vacated barstool. Their relationship/friendship began then.  When I attended a Victoria Station Restaurant Chain reunion in Sausalito about 15 years ago, George decided to come. He had never worked at a VS restaurant but wanted to meet me and many other former employees. He fit right in with them. George retired from a career in the California National Guard and the US Coast Guard. His Coast Guard affiliation was a nice coincidence for us. My Uncle, George Pardee, was a Chief Specialist for the Coast Guard, who was honorably discharged on September 5, 1945 (see Uncle George’s Honorable Discharge papers below).  What I’ve learned in writing columns for 29 years is that every Champ has had an interesting life. Thanks, George B. for sharing as you always do.  Part 2 -Kaitte wonders if she is emotionally available for a relationship  Champ Kaitte also emailed this week. (I also checked my Gmail archives and found that Kaitte has sent approximately 50 emails over the past 2 1/2 years.) She said, “Your thoughts Tom? Can a woman be too self-sufficient? I’m thinking I’m so settled and content in my single life of 23 years, and have my little farm to keep me busy, that I might not be emotionally available for an intimate relationship. I want no man drama. “But I wonder. I’m no sex goddess but I’m attractive and look younger than my age. Do men look at me and think she’s someone’s baby? I don’t wear rings on my ring finger. I’m always the one who strikes up a conversation. One date and they are gone. My friend said it’s because I don’t make men feel needed.”  In an earlier email, Kaitte wrote, “I have 6 companions, 2 dogs and 4 indoor/outdoor cats all rescues. They are great company, and no drama even as they age. “I get a taste of what it would be like to live with someone when my son comes home, especially with friends. NO THANK YOU.”            Tom’s response to Kaitte  “Your comment, ‘Do men look at me and think she’s someone’s baby?’ reminds me of Jackson Browne’s song, Somebody’s Baby. Perhaps they do. But, in your case, there are other major considerations. (See the link below to the song Somebody’s Baby).  “You mention you have a small farm, and as I recall, it’s in a somewhat remote area of Colorado. My guess is the number of nearby single men in your age range is limited. You may need to do online dating so that you cast your net to include areas where there might be more men. Living remotely, although you love it, might be a reason you aren’t meeting senior men. “Being emotionally available is a big consideration. You mention that you want ‘no man drama.’ Most relationships have some drama. That’s the nature of the sexes. You may be turning men off when first meeting them if you start ranting about man drama.  “I respect that you have six rescues. Most everyone loves pets. However, some men might be turned off by your six animals living at home. Also, some might be allergic to pets. I hope Champs with pets don’t freak out over my comment.  “Emotional availability is probably the biggest issue senior singles face. For a relationship to succeed, each partner must be emotionally available. If one isn’t, the relationship won’t work. “I know a widow, aged early 70s, who is the salt of the earth. A guy would be fortunate to have her in his life. She’s been a widow for just over a year. She’s one of the kindest and most considerate women I’ve ever met. She’s nonstop go-go-go with her women friends. “But she does not want to date and she’s not emotionally available to date. Is that wrong? Heavens no, it’s simply her choice. She knows what’s important to her. But down the road, if she changes her mind and decides to date, she will need to become emotionally available. Maybe she will or maybe she won’t. But certainly not now.  “So Kaitte, in your case, I don’t think you are emotionally available. I’m not criticizing you, but you are content within your environment, so until you decide to embrace the senior dating scene, you will continue to ponder your self-sufficiency.” “We’ll see if Champs have thoughts or opinions of their own.” Link below to Jackson Browne’s song “Somebody’s Baby.”

Link to Jackson Browne singing “Somebody’s Baby”

Tom’s Uncle George’s US Coast Guard Honorable Discharge certificate dated September 5, 1945