On Life and Love after 50

A complex senior long-distance relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 10, 2024

By Senior Dating Expert Tom Blake

Champ AD, 62, lives in Minnesota. She responded to last week’s LDR (long-distance relationship) article: “My life is all about an LDR and who pays for the date.

“In 1979, Garth and I met and spent a brief month together the year we graduated from high school. He was this cute CA guy, and I was a small-town waitress farm girl, on the Minnesota-Canadian border. He hopped back on the bus headed west, and that’s where our relationship ended; no internet or phones, and life went on.

“He married twice, but neither marriage lasted more than two years.

“I got married in Vegas, after a brief work relationship, when I was 25 and stayed married for 30 years. I felt awful for living the lie of being ‘in love,’ when I never was. Had I been treated better; I may have fallen in love. My ex-husband cared for me in every possible way he knew how, but he never got to know my heart.”

Reconnecting after 40 years

AD continued: “Shortly after my divorce in 2015, I joined Facebook. Garth, who had been looking for me for years, happened upon my profile when he found a comment I had made on my ex-sister-in-law’s page.

“The craziness of this all was in January 2018, when he messaged me, but I didn’t know what messenger was and didn’t see his message.

“Long story short, I went in for major surgery in Feb. 2018, to prevent a guaranteed and hereditary cancer of my pancreas, but due to complications, my one surgery turned into three. I was given a 5% chance of living and was put in hospice with two weeks to live.

“While my daughter was at my side, and in charge of my phone for the weeks in the ICU and the months in the hospital, she found Garth’s message.

“For whatever reason, it wasn’t my time to die, and I lived and woke up to a poem Garth wrote about our summer of 1979. I never forgot him; his poem gave me the hope and strength to fight and live.

“Forty+ years had gone by, and Garth happened to find me in my darkest hour and place. He reminded me of how he would have felt had he heard from my daughter that I had passed away when he’d been looking for me a long time.

“What I have taken away from those days and nights in that hospital bed, knowing that the time was coming soon when I wouldn’t open my eyes again, was how little every possession in my life meant, and what I would do if I lived.

“I wouldn’t let anything scare me from being completely honest with my heart, or the hearts of others ever again. I wasn’t going to leave with any regrets. I needed to come that close to the end of my life to ‘live.’

A LDR began

“I met Garth in person after 40+ years apart, at a hotel in Redlands, California in June 2022. I was one nervous lady.

“I am 63 and Garth is 62. I am self-employed, and although I can work from anywhere, I have stayed close to Minnesota for my kids and family. Garth works on San Nicolas Island and doesn’t have the flexibility of working anywhere he chooses, he has no kids and a small family.”

Tom’s note: San Nicolas Island is one of the Channel Islands about 60 miles west of Los Angeles and 35 miles west of Catalina Island. It’s an uninhabited island except for a few workers at the Naval Auxiliary Air Station that is located there.

AD continued, “Garth remains in CA to care for his mother’s affairs until her passing. At that time. he plans to move to Minnesota.

“Next month we will have been in a relationship for two years. In July, I am driving to CA to be with him. I hope to spend the rest of the summer seeing how well we do on a full-time basis.

“The decision to leave my kids and grandkids, even for six weeks, is scary, but I would regret missing this opportunity. I feel it’s time.

“The most difficult challenge, for me, in any relationship at this age, is pleasing everyone. My daughters get protective and grandkids tear at my heart and it’s hard not to feel guilty about having a life. One of my biggest faults is to put too much thought into what family and friends think.

“Two years is a long time and lots of money has been spent to see each other, and we have never spent more than 2-3 weeks together in one stretch. This is money that I would prefer to spend on a vacation and fun, not just maintaining a relationship, so I feel it’s my time to decide.

“We used to see each other every month, but now it has slowly gotten to four months of not seeing each other, sometimes due to work, but mostly $$. Airfare only increases and I am growing tired of airline prices and schedules deciding my life and hurting my heart.

“Sometimes it feels like I am in a relationship with a telephone. I wish I were a hermit because an LDR might be a bit easier, but I enjoy everything life offers.

“One of my lowest moments was in January 2024. Christmas had been without Garth, and Covid for a 3rd time. This is when I found you, Tom, online and reached out to you for advice, direction, and understanding. Someday I will share this with Garth.

“A few months back, I ordered your eBook titled, Who Pays For The Date? on the draft2digital website. The cost was $2.39.

(https://draft2digital.com) Search on Tom Blake to see Tom’s 10 eBooks

“The book has had a very positive effect on my LDR relationship with my CA guy. I see sharing the cost of trips, meals, etc. through much clearer eyes now, and I would have felt awful throwing in the towel and then reading your book after the fact.

“Your book made me consider this question: ‘Why should a man, who has flown across the country, solely to see me for a few short days, be expected to pick up the tab at a fine-dining restaurant?’ When he arrived, I drove him to a nice restaurant and picked up the tab.

“At times, our relationship has been difficult. I would have thrown in the towel a dozen times if Garth hadn’t fought so hard for us to stay together. We have finally reached the point of splitting airfares, if necessary, since he travels here far more, or I pick up the tab often when he comes this way.

“I’ve never been one to take the easy path, and I have always followed my heart. I’m not saying I would tackle a LDR again, but it’s too late now. I’m in it, and what a gift ‘time’ is, as it is slowly bringing me more understanding and patience with the weeks and months between our seeing each other.

“All we have is ourselves to blame if we leave this world with only regrets vs memories in the making. I won’t let anything scare me from being completely honest with my heart or the hearts of others ever again. I wasn’t going to leave with any regrets. I needed to come that close to the end of my life to ‘live.’

“Garth and I have spent a lifetime apart, but the chemistry is still there, which is so hard to find after age 60.”

Tom’s Take

-AD’s LDR is as complex as any that I’ve heard about

-I’m pleased AD is taking a couple of months to be with Garth in California to see how they do on a full-time basis

-They need that time to communicate and to get to know each other

-Having met and been attracted to each other in 1979 is part of the glue that keeps them together, during a difficult two-year period

-Relocation seems not to be a factor (as it was with the Golden Bachelor couple). Garth will be moving to Minnesota. Hence, AD can share love and be near her family

-AD is following her heart, after having been so close to death. Love matters to her, but not so much the little things, as she refers to them

-Garth loves her, which he has proven to her time and time again

-I am pleased that my simple eBook, Who Pays For The Date? helped her. It costs $2.39. I have 10 eBooks on that book site https://draft2digital.com (At the site, search on my name or the book’s title)

-AD’s story is an example of the complexity and depths of the lives of our Champs.

Everybody has a story. I’d like to hear more of them.

Senior Long-Distance Relationships

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 3, 2024

By Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert

Senior Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs) can work but…

Last week’s eNewsletter featured Gerry, The Golden Bachelor (72), and Theresa (70), the woman he selected to become his wife. They married on January 4, 2024, on live TV.

Three months later, on Good Morning America, they announced they were getting a divorce. Why? They said they couldn’t adjust to being in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Gerry lives in Indiana; Theresa lives in New Jersey; neither wanted to relocate.

One wonders if during the hoopla and excitement of being on national TV, did either person consider how living 1,000 miles apart might affect their marriage? Apparently not.

I thought my article was possibly a yawner. However, several Champs responded favorably. The first comment I received was from Champ Pam, who wrote, “It made me laugh out loud! I thought it was very clever and one of THE BEST you have ever written! It’s a ’10.’” Pam’s words got my Friday headed in the right direction.

What surprised me was the number of responses about the pluses and minuses of senior LDRs. Many seniors are either currently online dating or considering online dating and they realize an LDR might result from online dating.

Champ Andrea wrote, “I lost my husband of 30 years this past October. We had a great marriage and of course, I miss him every day.

“However, at 74, I’m ready to look for my next ‘chapter.’ I have read your blogs regarding catfishing. I live in an age 55+ community (Laguna Woods, Orange County, Calif.) and while there are some single men there, most of the eligible ones are on the ‘needy’ side!”

“What do you think about online dating sites? Any recommendations would be appreciated.”

Andrea realizes that when two people connect via online dating, and a relationship evolves, it usually starts as an LDR.

My question: In the 60-to-80+ age range, can an LDR work? Senior Long-Distance Relationships challenges:

A major consideration is the distance in either time or miles between each other. My rule of thumb is if more than a half-hour drive or 20 miles, it’s too far for me.

And what if one or both don’t drive? Or, if one or both don’t drive at night? One wise Champ said, “There’s always Uber, Lyft, or a new service called Yellow Taxi, so those obstacles can be overcome.”

I reminded her that the roundtrip cost can be prohibitive. In 2023, I took an Uber from my Dana Point home to Laguna Woods, 13.4 miles, and then back. The cost was $52 plus tip.

And what if the new couple wants to be together regularly? Who is going to relocate? That was the downfall of Gerry and Theresa. Neither one of them!

Don’t get me wrong. Some LDRs can and have worked. Take Champ Larry, who currently lives in Florida. He shared his LDR stories after reading last week’s column.

Larry mentioned that 46 years ago, he went to Boston with a buddy who fixed Larry up on a blind date. Larry was smitten with her.

Shortly after they met, he moved to NYC from Chicago. He said, “When I was in New York, I invited her to drive from Boston. The rest was history.”

He added, “We started an LDR as my first job out of graduate school was in Pierre, South Dakota, working in the office of a newly elected Governor, and then later I was recruited to work in the Illinois Governor’s office in Springfield, Illinois. She and I got together bimonthly until I asked her to marry me.

“We married in Boston and 45 years later she died of cancer in our Grand Haven, Michigan, home in hospice care. She was my wife; lover; mother of my children, and best friend and cheerleader for my political profession.”

Would Larry and his wife be able to get together now that he’s in his mid-70s, vs. 46 years ago? Probably not, just too far away.

However, recently he took another chance with another LDR. His children urged him to go online. He did. He said, “I met Liz who lived only four miles away, but it could have been 100. Driving back and forth in traffic, keeping clothing at two locations, meals, and children visiting from out of town are just some of the issues seniors face in even a short-mileage LDR.”

I might add another item to Larry’s list. What happens if the senior who drives forgets his or her meds and absolutely must have them that night? Egad, does that mean going back home and then returning? Or just going home that night and not returning that night? Meds are easy to forget; I’m speaking from experience. Oh my, the challenges of senior dating.

Larry continued, “Liz moved in with me after nearly two years of LDR dating. Now, we are learning a lot about each other and this ‘experiment continues’ with both sets of eyes wide open.

“LDRs for seniors today are even more difficult whether miles away or close.”

(In the small world department, when I first met Larry a few years ago, he mentioned he was going to Grand Haven, Michigan, for the summer. I said to him: “My mom grew up there.” He said, “What was her name?”

I said, “Frances Pardee.” He said, “A man named George Pardee gave me my first job in Grand Haven.” I was dumbfounded.

I said, “George Pardee was my mom’s brother, my uncle.” Larry was equally surprised. Years later, Larry became the city manager of Grand Haven.)

Back to Senior LDRs

Champ Jim also commented about senior LDRs, “It’s too hard to adjust to a new environment or to travel back and forth for a relationship. And what happens if you have a dog or a cat that you leave at home, as I do? Are you going to leave your animal alone for six hours or overnight? That wouldn’t be right.

“And how about the person you’re going to visit? He or she might also have an animal that might not mix well with your pet or might not like you. This is another challenge of senior dating.”

However, Jim admits he is open to traveling a few extra miles for the right woman.

So, when senior dating, and you meet a person who lives x miles away, be prepared to have the LDR discussion–the who, what, when, and how will the LDR challenges be overcome.

9 reasons I won’t be the next Golden Bachelor

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 26, 2024

by Columnist Tom Blake

Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert

The first mention I noticed of my name in the same sentence as “The Golden Bachelor” was in an email on February 9, 2024. Champ Victoria wrote, “…I was going to suggest you’d make a good Golden Bachelor. I heard they’re looking. LOL!”

I responded to Victoria: “Me? A good Golden Bachelor? Maybe I will do a column on why I won’t become a Golden Bachelor. I’ll give you credit for suggesting it. Among the many fun reasons I won’t become a GB is that it would mean another marriage for me, and three previous marriages are enough.

Most of us know that Gerry Turner, age 72, this year’s Golden Bachelor, proposed on November 30, 2023, to Theresa Nist,70, the woman he selected out of the 22 women who appeared on the show. Turner and Nist married in a televised wedding ceremony on January 4, 2024, in La Quinta, California.

And then, in an article written by Anita Gosch, a columnist for The Orange County Register, that was published on February 15, 2024, Gosch wrote, referring to me, “No, he’s not a new Golden Bachelor.” (I didn’t contact Gosch to ask why she said I wasn’t the next Golden Bachelor).

We all know what happened. The Turner/Nist marriage lasted three months. On April 12, they announced on Good Morning America that they were getting a divorce. A few Champs asked for my opinion on the Golden Bachelor scenario—from the first episode to the finale–and one Champ asked if I ever considered applying to be the next Golden Bachelor.

These are 9 reasons why I won’t be the next Golden Bachelor

1. They won’t ask me

2. I only watched parts of the first segment. I felt it wasn’t realistic, and was “too made for television.” I thought it suggested that dating at 70+ was easy and glamourous when Champs know damn well that dating even at 60+ isn’t easy; it’s challenging and can be very discouraging

3. I didn’t think the show was fair to women. At Nist’s age, 70, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately five-to-one. Women often tell me that not all the men in that ratio are relationship material, making the effective ratio upwards of six-to-one.

The Golden Bachelor ratio was 22 women, to one man. It’s like the lotto. Why is there only one winner of several million bucks or over a billion? Why aren’t there multiple lotto winners? Why, in the Golden Bachelor, can’t there be five women winners instead of just one?

4. Age and Energy. At my age, 84, I barely have the energy to get through the day. I can’t imagine having to decide which one of the 22 women would be the best match for me. My problem is I’d probably like them all.

To make matters worse, filming and dating times might be in the middle of the day, infringing on my nap time. Can you imagine trying to impress a senior woman on a first date and dozing off while sipping coffee or tea? That reminds me of some scenes we see on live TV these days. People dozing off.

5. And what about doctor’s appointments? Many seniors have a plethora of appointments on their calendars. Some medical appointments they’ve had to book months in advance. What would a woman do? Reschedule an important medical appointment only to be dumped by some “made-for-television dude?”

6. Gerry and Theresa’s marriage lasted three months. Did that surprise me? No, they didn’t know each other long enough to make such a monumental decision. Egad, wait at least a year before tying the knot. A two-year wait is even better.

The dilemma for people in their 70s and 80s, we don’t have the time to wait. So why not just enjoy each other and make the best of the time we have left without getting married?

It makes one wonder if their Golden Bachelor marriage was done for the sake of television, a part of the sign-on contract. Words like these (made up solely by me): “Gerry, and whomever you choose, must agree to get married, and allow us to put the marriage on live TV. You will be paid an extra $100,000 each.”

7. Most Champs know LDRs (Long Distance Relationships) are difficult. Ask Champs Gail (Bishop, CA) and Bruce (Lima, Ohio) who live in small cities. They are not in a relationship—they have never met in person but I believe they have corresponded. They both have shared how tough it is to find a mate and carry on an LDR.

Gerry and Theresa from the Golden Bachelor found that out as they lived in different states. Neither wanted to give up their friends, kids, families, etc., by moving to a different state to be together.

Ostensibly, that’s why their marriage didn’t work out. I don’t want to move to a different state or even far away in California to be with a woman. A half-hour drive away is bad enough for me

8. If I were the Golden Bachelor, and agreed to marry, I’d have to announce the subsequent divorce on Good Morning America. That’s no big deal; I’ve already been on GMA so I don’t need the publicity. On June 8, 2005, I was interviewed by Diane Sawyer on GMA about senior dating. See the photo above of Me, Greta (a special woman), and Diane Sawyer from that day.

9. I’ve spent a year and a half hoping to find a new woman friend after my loss of Greta. Well, I’ve got a new woman friend named Debbie (the one referenced above who lives a half hour away). She’s a tough cookie. Intelligent and strong-willed.

Can you imagine Debbie’s response if I told her: “Debbie, is it okay if I become the next Golden Bachelor? I’ll be courting 22 women and will be busy for a few months filming the show. Yes, I’ll be hugging and kissing them on live television but I still love you.”

Her comment would be, as Bill Haley and The Comets made popular 74 years ago, “See You Later, Alligator.”

Those are the 9 reasons I won’t be the next Golden Bachelor.

At 77, a Remarkable Woman Champ

On Life and Love Afer 50 eNewsletter

April 19, 2024

Tom Blake Columnist

Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert

A bonus for me in writing these eNewsletters is I’ve become friends with many Champs. Most of them I’ve never met in person. We have what I call an LDF, (long-distance friendship). When I owned my deli in Dana Point, some would stop by and introduce themselves, but I sold the deli eight years ago so that way of meeting each other no longer exists.

One of them is FFF (her initials) who lives in Florida. In an email a couple of years ago, she mentioned that she is a Scorpio. That piqued my interest as I’m also a Scorpio, so I asked her what day her birthday is. She said, “November 11.” That’s my birthday also.

To me, November 11 is more than just my birthday. It was also my Mom’s birthday and it was called Armistice Day. On June 1, 1954, the federal government changed the name of November 11 to Veterans Day.

FFF is a remarkable Champ. At 77, she’s got more energy than the Energizer Bunny and has more men pursuing her than a woman in her 20s.

A year ago, she emailed: “I still am very young, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want the entire package (in a man). I don’t mind ‘part-time.’ My social calendar with friends is over the top…concerts, plays, restaurants…and I exercise every day. I’m still writing my book. Hopefully, by year-end, I will get it published.”

In response to last week’s “Catfishing” eNewsletter, FFF emailed, “I’ve never been ‘catfished’ although not for their lack of trying. Growing up in NYC and being ‘street smart’ might have saved me. There were a few men who tried to get me to send money…one guy said he was hurt and in Thailand. I said, ‘I have a good friend in Thailand (true) and he will meet you and help you.’ Ha ha…you know that never happened.

“I even called out a scammer one day and he argued with me for two days and finally apologized.

“I think (I hope, fingers crossed) that I met a ‘Nice Jewish Doctor.’ I will call him Barry. He is a retired clinical psychologist, turned to music (saxophone and guitar) opened a recording studio, and has won Emmys. He is originally from Long Island NY, lived in Sarasota (downtown) and now lives in a small town by the Gulf about 20 minutes from me.

“Barry is Jewish, as am I. He is six feet tall, 73-years-old. He is smart. He likes me…we’ve been talking, have exchanged brief texts, mostly phone conversations, and are having dinner next Wednesday.

“He wanted to meet me sooner but I’m so busy with work, working out (yup, yoga, Pilates, barre, Tai Chi, personal training, pickleball training, decorating my house, joining clubs where I live, nice neighbors, etc. and going to Illinois this weekend to celebrate my granddaughter’s 17th birthday…we are going to ‘high tea’ at the famous Drake Hotel in Chicago.

“Back to Barry, I decided to stop looking for younger men with good looks…both were important characteristics to me. I’m now thinking about values, kindness, how men treat me, and, how much they want to be with me.

“I have two other guys interested but I’m not. There seems to be a ‘bottomless’ pit concerning meeting men…never have a problem as us ‘Scorpios’ know. But meeting the right one is not easy.

“At this moment in time, I’m a very happy camper. My health is great…where I moved to in Florida is wonderful and life is really being kind to me or I’m being kind to me.

“I will be getting back to writing my book this summer. I’ve been busy selling real estate and getting my staging/decorating company up and running. I will, however, finish the book and maybe, with your help, publish it or get advice from you.

“I hope the doctor and I like each other in person. I have a good gut feeling and you know how we Scorpios are with our ‘intuition.’

“Remember the words she was just 17 from the Beatles song, “I Saw Her Standing There?” That’s how I feel at 77. Barry is 73.

I just turned down a 59-year-old guy and a 56-year-old guy.

Tom’s comment about FFF

As I wrote earlier, FFF is an amazing woman. She stays active via exercise and going out with friends. She dates younger men although her focus now is more on quality than age. Barry is 73. Will he be too old for her although he’s four years younger?

My only advice to her is regarding the book she’s writing. Do a little bit at a time, even now. Maybe 15-20 minutes a day or at night. The editing comes much later. Just getting thoughts down on paper is a big step forward. I will help in any way I can.

Catfishing Becomes More Dangerous

Columnist Tom Blake

April 12, 2024

Note from Tom: The photo above is not of a catfisher. It’s of Alex, my friend of 40 years and he’s happily married.

Any senior who has tried online dating has likely experienced catfishing. It occurs when a person creates a fake identity or online persona to deceive online daters into romantic relationships, ultimately scamming their money.

These catfishers use fake and stolen photos taken from social media platforms and online dating profiles. They often use AI (Artificial Intelligence) to perfect their deceitful information.

With their fake profiles in hand, they troll online dating websites looking for vulnerable seniors (new widows, for example) and use the fake identity to win over a lonely person’s heart and confidence by lying and saying they are someone they aren’t.

Note from Tom: Catfishers and Scammers troll online websites besides dating websites. They troll sites such as LinkedIn and WhatsApp, which are not classified as online dating sites.

They often claim to be overseas working on an oil rig in a foreign location.

Slowly, over time, they attempt to win the lonely person over and convince them they will return to the USA to be with them soon.

Most of us have heard sad stories of lonely and vulnerable seniors, mostly, but not always, women, losing thousands of dollars—even their life savings–to these online scammers.

Last week I received an email with this subject line: “AI Dating profile generator” spikes catfishing concerns. The article stated that AI (Artificial Intelligence) has made catfishing even more deceitful with the release of Sora, a new AI program. Sora AI can create videos that look and feel natural, all from a simple text prompt or image.

The email stated: “We encourage online daters to be extra careful to validate who they are dating and who they think they are dating. Also, this comment: …Voices and faces of people you know can be impeccably faked as an effort to steal your money or identity.”

Champs, if you search on “Relationship Expert Steve Phillips-Waller from A Conscious Rethink” website, you’ll find tips and information on protecting yourself from AI romance scams.

I asked Orange County dating and relationship coach Christine Baumgartner about catfishing, and she strongly recommends that before having a first date, the person should request a video call.

Christine says, “Most catfishing scammers will refuse a video call and make some excuse not to participate in a video call. Google Voice and Google Video can be used as well as the Facetime button on your cell phone.”

She also advises not to text-message strangers.

To contact Christine: www.Theperfectcatch.com or email Christine@theperfectcatch.com.

The April 2024 AARP Bulletin magazine cover states “Older Americans Are Under Siege from Scammers.” Nearly the entire issue is dedicated to combatting fraud. That’s good reading for seniors to educate themselves on fighting fraud.

Trust your instincts and be careful before communicating with a stranger. Don’t answer your phone if you don’t recognize the caller. Request that video chat so you can see the person who claims to be interested in you.

Part 2 – Upcoming Fun Day in Dana Point

For Champs living in Southern California, who would like to get some exercise and meet new friends, at no cost, the World Tai Chi & Qigong Day is scheduled for Dana Point on Saturday, April 27, at 9:30 a.m., on the grass area in front of Baby Beach in Dana Point Harbor.

You do not need to be a tai chi expert. Even beginners can start to learn tai chi. And you’ll make new friends.

Champ Ron, a tai chi instructor in Dana Point, reminded me of this free event open to the public. I attended last year. It was most enjoyable, and I met many new people. I plan to go there this year as well.

There will also be Hawaiian and rock music, Hula Performances, and a potluck lunch.

If you attend, say hello to Ron and mention that you are a Champ.

For more information, contact Ron Cohan at Zia3@cox.net.

That’s it for this week’s eNewsletter Champs.

Senior Marriage: Should Kathy (76) Marry John (80)?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 1, 2024
By Columnist Tom Blake
Should Kathy (76) Marry John (80)?
By Columnist Tom Blake

In last week’s eNewsletter, Champ Kathy met a man while volunteering at her church office. At a church supper, twice she sat next to ‘John,’ who is 80. She’s 76. Both are widowed. He was smitten with her and told her he liked her. They started dating.

Kathy said John has some health issues and wants to leave his estate to her and he feels marriage might make it easier to do that. And he wants to take a road trip West together. The marriage question is what triggered responses.

I have selected nine of the responses, all from women. Before we proceed to those nine responses, I didn’t want men left out. So, Part 2 at the end is a short fun anecdote that Champ Mark sent in.

Part 1 – Nine responses from women

Terry emailed, “Tom, this is great — Kathy and John can be more than friends and I would encourage it. But if they marry, the cost of his medical treatment could become her responsibility. “If he wants to leave her something he can do that and it is a wonderful gesture, but what if his money problems become a financial burden for her?

“She should have a great time, but there is no point in getting married. It’s one thing if you have been married many years and created a life together. At the end of life, it’s another ballgame.”

Joanie, “If she marries him, her assets become his as well especially if he outlives her. Things are better off staying as they are – she has a nice friend, no marital obligations and no financial worries about her own assets or her kids’ inheritances. And she has a nice companion. she can still take the trip out West. Friends travel together all the time.”

Sally, “I first met you in 1996, 30 years ago. I am still enjoying the single life and it’s ok to be alone without a companion underfoot. Most of my friends feel this way and don’t want to be someone’s ‘nurse or purse.’

“Bone cancer is a terrible cancer. My husband died of that in four months after agonizing treatment and pain, including going into a coma from chemo.

“Why should Kathy set herself up for a third heartbreak? If she marries John, she can be liable for all his bills left behind. I lived through that one too.  “It makes no sense that he would leave everything to her and not his family. She is in for a legal battle for sure if he has kids. Before agreeing to a legal commitment, she should review his will and trust with an attorney before getting married.

“Also, John has diabetes. Again, oh my, if he isn’t responsible for good eating habits why take that on too? “I say slow down and just have fun together as companions without the caregiver’s responsibility. Also find girlfriends to hang out with. It’s much less complicated.”

Tom’s response to Sally’s comment about John’s diabetes. A person can have Type 2 diabetes even when they have good eating habits. It’s not his fault that he has Type 2 or Type 1. Eating properly is an important part of the battle. Taking doctor-prescribed medications also can be necessary.

Norma, “You covered a lot in your article for people to think about.

“I had been to my doctor’s office for my yearly wellness check in June and my doctor said all my numbers were good and I was doing well for my age. He added, ‘Just don’t fall.’

“Two weeks later, I knew something was not right with my health. I did not have the classic symptoms of a heart attack and drove myself to Redlands Hospital. “They had to transfer me to Desert Regional Hospital in Palm Springs because there were no hospitals in the area that had a bed available to treat my condition and that led to open heart surgery. The Dr. In Palm Springs, a great surgeon called me a miracle and told me to go home and enjoy my life. My point being is like you told Kathy: Take the trip West.”

Linda, “Kathy is not in love with John. She won’t marry him, but she’ll accept his assets. Isn’t that interesting!”

Stephanie from the Midwest, “Tom, I think your advice to Kathy is spot on! First, you’re right that she got out of the house to do an activity, a biggie for meeting someone for dating.

“Second, they met at church where the only seat available twice was next to John, was God trying to tell her something? They follow the same religion, which is a big plus.

“Third, John is right in that if they were married there would be less chance of anyone being able to challenge his will–who knows if a child or even distant cousin could say Kathy exerted undue influence on their relative in getting him to leave her his assets…this wouldn’t be a consideration if they were married and her name was on everything as a joint owner.

“Story: My ex-husband was married for nine years to a woman six years younger. They were living in her house but because he was paying for many expenses out of his income (such as utilities and repairs) he insisted that she should put him on the house ownership papers as a joint tenant. (He also owned another home which he had rented out.) She did so.

“She also had two adult sons at the time, and they were on very good terms with the new husband. At age 58 after nine years of marriage, the wife had a stroke and died a month later! My ex got her house as he was the joint tenant (this is in California, LA County), which was okay with the sons as she had a life insurance policy that provided for them. The point is: Kathy, get your name on John’s house papers!”

Lisa, “I hope that you will not consider me to be a cynic, but as far as marriage is concerned, Kathy might be left with financial obligations when John passes, perhaps medical bills incurred at the last stages of his life. When someone’s estate is settled, debts come before the beneficiary gets the proceeds. “
I became cognizant of this type of situation during my last brief, but disastrous marriage. My new husband and I had bought a small ranch about 50 miles from downtown Los Angeles, where we both worked. “I started doing freelance work from home and taking care of the horses. He would take my completed work into the city, so I didn’t have to make frequent trips. However, he would often stay late in LA frequently, drinking with friends, and getting home still appearing to be over the limit as far as alcohol was concerned. “I came to realize that if he killed or maimed someone while driving DUI, I could be financially responsible for the results. There were other considerations, and I left the marriage as soon as I could make the logistics work for me. “In my opinion, marriage is more important if people are having children or buying real estate together, and for those whose religion is sufficiently important to them where it is necessary to keep from ‘living in sin.’ “Of course, John could have enough assets that would cover any kind of situation that I mentioned above. “I don’t think that it’s a good idea for Kathy and John to chance it. Furthermore, marriage might spoil the lovely relationship they presently have. I agree with you about the trip West; they should enjoy the time they have together, albeit without complicating the situation.”

Deanne, “Kathy, what are you waiting for? Are you missing something, or did you leave out his criminal record? “John sounds wonderful, loving and kind. He is looking out for you too. You have so much in common.

“If we all lived in fear, the world would not exist. Our hearts are fragile, but I believe we need to understand how important it is to fill our hearts.

“I believe I died when my husband died. I believe my heart longs for a fill up and I also want to give all of me to someone who cares for me and may need me.

“I’ve been a widow (after the most wonderful 33 years) for almost 10 years now – 8/6/2014. I can’t believe it’s been this long living alone. My heart is bursting at the seams with the love I want to give to someone else.

“Our lives are all giant leaps of faith. You need to jump again. Today is it, don’t waste any of the precious time you could be living with John.

“I know over 100 women looking for their ‘John.’

“Good luck, free fall into his life now. Don’t wait.”

Jane, “I am a skeptic and have two girlfriends who have lost a lot of money to scammers. One never met the man but gave him money.

“The other (a senior) had dated a man for a year. He went to church with her every Sunday. He had a house that she would go to. Everyone was on board and excited that these two wonderful people had found each other.

“She was wealthy and after a year she sent him an extremely large amount of money. He disappeared never to be seen again. In Kathy’s situation, John told her he has bone cancer. Has she been to a doctor’s appointment with him? If they married, would her assets immediately become his assets?

“I would not marry someone to make it easier for paperwork. I wish Kathy the best. There is a chance that he is completely on the up and up. But there is also a chance that he is not. I wouldn’t take the risk.”

Part 2 – Keeping Senior Dating Simple

Champ Mark emailed, “A single friend in Newport Beach has been in the dating game for several years. He has developed a list of criteria he calls ‘5S’ that he uses when evaluating potential partners.”

Single
Sane
Straight
Sober
Solvent
I responded to Mark. “Here could be three more:
Sumptuous
Stunning
Startling

“If only senior dating were so SIMPLE.”

In Senior Dating Difficult Choices Emerge

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

February 23, 2024

By Columnist Thomas P Blake

In Senior Dating Difficult Choices Emerge

Fifteen years ago, a woman named Kathy attended a senior singles gathering at Tutor & Spunky’s, my Dana Point Deli. Her 42-year marriage had ended. She now lives on the East Coast, near her children. A while back, she wrote to tell me she had remarried, but was widowed just two years later.

Last week, Kathy emailed, “This past September I was called on two different Wednesdays to volunteer by answering the phones at my church office. At the end of each day, I went to supper where my church provides meals for those getting off work and others who are at church attending classes being offered.

“On both Wednesdays, I sat at the same table with friends from my Sunday School class. Each time the only chair available was next to John. On the second Wednesday, John shared how he would like me to be his friend. We even shook hands on it.

“Since then, our times together have involved eating out and going to activities or movies. We laugh a lot and he’s full of stories of his cowboy-roping days and places he lived growing up and helping his dad on oil riggs. All his stories have been interesting.

“I’ve enjoyed our friendship but have drawn back when he expressed that he really liked me. I’ve reminded him that we are just friends. Based on my history, I’m a bit vulnerable and protective of getting too involved in a relationship.

“His age (80) and his health are drawbacks to me.

“When I mentioned his age to my cousin, she, aware that I am 76, said with a smirk, ‘And how old are you? A four-year age difference is no big deal.’

“John’s a diabetic and he’s told me he has bone cancer. I’m finding that my suggestions on health have helped him in keeping his blood sugar down. He is open to my ideas and went to a good health store and is taking a protein drink, etc.

“This week he said that when he passes away, he wants me to have all his assets—including his house, car, and bank accounts. He went to a financial person to put it into action.

“He also stated if I would marry him, it would be simple as my name would be on all his things.

“You know me a little bit, Tom, and I’m not one to go jump on this and take advantage. I am praying for answers and looking also to my children who like John and want me to be happy.

“He wants to take a train trip out West. Time will tell.

“Your thoughts, Tom?”

Tom’s response to Kathy

“Kathy, the big lesson in your story, is that your meeting John shows when older singles get off the couch and out of the house and involved in activities (like senior volunteering) they enjoy, they improve their chances of meeting a potential mate.

“John sounds like a gentleman. He obviously cares a lot about you. You state that his age and health are holding you back. Aware of your past, I understand why you are hesitant.

“However, your cousin is right. Don’t let a four-year age difference stop you.

“Plus, when you meet someone with whom you are compatible–including attending the same church and sharing similar religious beliefs–consider yourself blessed.

“John’s health is an understandable concern. Diabetes can be controlled through a proper diet, medications, and lifestyle.

Bone cancer is of course a worry. Still, he could outlive you. It sounds like you’ve already helped him deal with his health issues, which he appreciates. Love each other now. Take that train trip out west.

“Regarding his estate. Does he have any children or other beneficiaries? He loves you and wants you to have his assets. What an incredible gesture. If he leaves you more than you need, you can pass that on to loved ones and the church you two share.

“Senior Marriage? Well, that’s up to you and John. He can still leave you his assets without tying the knot. Many seniors don’t want to marry again.”

Senior Dating. Who Pays For The Date?

On Life & Love After 50 eNewsletter

February 16, 2024

Columnist Tom Blake

Senior Dating. Who Pays For the Date?

A woman Champ from the Midwest emailed and asked to remain anonymous so I will call her Dawn. She raised a question that’s been around for the 30 years I’ve written about senior dating: Who pays for the date?

And if a relationship develops, how do couples deal with expenses? Who pays for what?

Dawn is involved in a long-distance relationship. Her manfriend lives approximately 2,000 miles away. Long-distance relationships usually have added expenses, mainly the cost of travel to see each other, which Dawn alludes to.

Her email subject line read: “Dating over 60 and many miles apart…”

And then she continued, “I know there are many variables to consider, but given two average-income people, how much is a woman expected to pay?

“Airfare, dinners, hotels, outings, vacations…Unless the male in the relationship is very well off, is it the norm to split most expenses 50/50?

“If the man pays for the flight to come visit, is it fair to say the woman pays for the meals and any fun events planned while visiting if they are all initiated by the woman?

“Or if I am the one traveling west, and during my stay I want to eat out at a restaurant out of my norm…because I initiated it, should I be paying for it there?

“There is still a lot to be said for men who are complete gentlemen; opening all doors, standing up at the table when the woman stands up, helping and carrying her coat., etc. These are all so perfectly done for me, always, and I am just trying to understand the money part.

“My older female friends feel strongly that I am crazy, and that I should be paying for nothing.

“I understand they come from an era 25-40 years prior and can’t relate to dating in their sixties.

“They have all told me if their husbands passed tomorrow, they would never go down the dating or marriage road again.

“Have times changed?

“I don’t want to be a fool in love; I just want to feel supported while in love.”

Tom’s Comments

Who Pays For The Date? has been a controversial topic for years. In my 30-years of writing about senior dating, I’ve written about it several times and I published an eBook in 2009 titled “Senior Dating. Who Pays For the Date?” Details about the availability of that book are at the end of today’s column.

Back to Dawn’s email. Some of our men Champs may take offense to a few of the sentences.

For example, this one: “Unless the male in the relationship is very well off, is it the norm to split most expenses 50/50?”

The question infers that men who are well off should pay for everything. Love and relationships are about sharing. Not about a man paying for everything if he is well off.

And it’s important to note that women who are well off shouldn’t have to pay for everything just because they can.

Three more sentences that could be offensive to men

And then there were three other sentences that some men might find offensive.

1 “My older female friends feel strongly that I am crazy, and that I should be paying for nothing.”

2 “I understand they (her older women friends) come from an era 25-40 years prior and can’t relate to dating in their sixties.”

3 “They have all told me if their husbands passed tomorrow, they would never go down the dating or marriage road again.”

Regarding sentence #1, some men might suggest she should stop listening to her older female friends who are out of touch with the reality of modern times senior dating. Women pay nothing?

Regarding sentence #2, that her friends who have that attitude come from an era 25-40 years ago, that they can’t relate to dating in their 60s.

Let me tell you how quickly attitudes can change when people from that era suddenly lose their loved one. I speak from experience. I never dreamed that I’d have to relate to dating at my age. I was three years older than Greta and assumed I would pass before her. And suddenly, she was gone. I had to relate to dating in my 80s and no, I wasn’t about to pay for everything.

However, if I initiated the first date, I would pay for everything. Even if I didn’t initiate it. And probably the first few dates.

Regarding sentence #3, if those women lost their husbands, they would never go down the dating path again. Let me tell those women, that after sitting home night after night and being lonely, they might change their tune. Maybe they would go down the dating path again. Of course, if they did, they would have to change their thinking and not be so anti-men.

So, what about senior singles who find a new mate? Who pays what? How is that decided? Through open and honest communication, love for each other, and fairness considered, each couple will develop their guidelines for sharing expenses. A person who is more well off than their partner, and who can do it financially, will often help the partner they care about with the partner’s finances.

However, one thing is certain, neither person will likely pay 100 percent of the expenses.

Will there be occasions when the men will pay more? Of course. And where a woman will pay more. Yes.

My eBook, “Senior Dating. Who Pays For The Date?” is available on www.Smashwords.com. Just type in my name in the search box and all the eBooks that I’ve published will appear. The cost for the Senior Dating. Who Pays For The Date is $2.39. It can be read online or downloaded to your device.

Smashwords was recently acquired by Draft2digital.com so you may have to go draft2digital.com to purchase the book. Here are the links to both sites.

www.smashwords.com

www.draft2digital.com

Reader Responses To Gummies vs. Alcohol in Senior Dating

On Love And Love After 50 eNewsletter

February 2, 2024

By Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert

Responses From Champs to Gummies vs Alcohol

Two weeks ago, the eNewsletter included a woman’s comments regarding a Gummies vs. Alcohol issue she and her boyfriend of four years were having.

She wrote, “I still work so I don’t drink alcohol during the week. However, come Friday and Saturday, I like nothing more than opening a bottle of Chardonnay and enjoying it while making dinner. It can take the ‘edge’ off from work.

She added that if she goes out, she won’t drive if she has more than two glasses of wine.

Also, she said, “I see my boyfriend of almost four years on weekends only. We live 30 miles apart. He would rather I not drink. There was a time he drank too much, but stopped 15 years ago, cold turkey, just stopped.

“However, he does like to smoke pot on occasion and ingest cannabis-infused gummies. I must say the gummies are loads of fun and, together we have a great time when taking them. We dance, laugh, tell silly stories, etc.”

Tom’s comment: (I wonder what she means by “etc?” I see a couple of you smiling at that comment.)

She continued: “The problem is I still prefer my Chardonnay over the gummies. He would prefer I stop drinking alcohol and just take the gummies. He swears they are way better for me than alcohol. So, we argue about Gummies vs. Alcohol. What do Champs think?

Eight Responses From Champs

Only one man responded directly to this issue. Two men said they were looking forward to reading the responses. Several men talked about non-related topics.

Here’s what the seven women said:

ST (a woman Champ) “Gummies vs Chardonnay – what business is it of his? This is manipulative and controlling. Give in to his demands and who knows what awaits down the line? He should keep his own council.”

Beach Girl, “It’s a good thing that the gummy lover lives 30 miles away and only sees Ms. Chardonnay on weekends. He had a problem with alcohol so he’s transferring his past issues onto her – it’s a control thing. Tell Ms. Chardonnay to enjoy her wine and ignore his preaching. If he doesn’t lay off, dump him.”

Linda, “My thoughts about Chardonnay versus gummies are she should have her glass or two during the week when she’s home. Maybe the gummies on weekends. I guess she isn’t telling us the truth and is drinking during the week too. I don’t believe everything people tell me.”

Jeanne, “Driving on gummies is just as bad as on alcohol!”

Althea, “I think this anonymous woman has already figured it out. She wants to know if this relationship will work when she drinks, and he does not. He takes cannabis gummies, she does also, but only to please him.

“They live in separate homes and have been seeing each other for four years, so apparently the arrangement is working out for them.

“She said they probably will never move in together because they like their own homes and that the alcohol vs. gummies issue might cause problems if they did. So, what is the real issue? They are in a LAT relationship, and it will last as long as the arrangement is working, and both are content. Right?

“Though I wonder how often he is trying to get her to stop the alcohol and instead take gummies with him, because to me that is a small red flag, controlling behavior.

“Bottom line: If you care (love) someone you take them as they are, especially in our senior years when our long lives have made us who we are and change of habits rarely happens.”

Kaitte: “Short and sweet. That’s the pot calling the kettle black–his gummies. His problem; not hers. She enjoys her wine after working all week. If a man consistently told me what to do, the weekender would be no more.”

Elenute, “Hopefully, there are some things they enjoy about each other besides whatever substances he or she uses.

“My former boyfriend tended to have one drink a night and drank socially occasionally. I don’t drink at all. It was never a problem for us.

“As long as neither one drives high, it’s up to you to drink or do gummies, whatever you prefer. Why is he telling you what to do? Is there a pattern there?”

Jim, “I hope the woman communicates her desire to enjoy a glass of wine to him so he understands more. He shouldn’t be trying to change the situation now or ever.

“He should realize he won’t change her; he needs to back off and enjoy getting the ‘edge’ off in his way. This gummies vs. alcohol issue isn’t worth losing the relationship over. They both can adjust and still have fun together. She seems open to using gummies at different times whereas some people won’t be open to gummies at all.”

Tom’s reply: I was surprised that so few men commented, but Jim’s words are well-spoken. After reading all the opinions, mainly from women, I realized–as a man–that maybe this isn’t a big deal. For many senior couples, it may not be an issue at all.

I asked my partner, Debbie Sirkin Psychotherapist, to read the above comments. Her response was like mine. Both of us felt he wasn’t trying to control her by getting her to stop drinking wine.

What Debbie picked up on is that the women who responded may have been ‘projecting’ things from their own lives that may have been problematic for them, either in the past or present.

Debbie added, “I think Althea summed it up best.”

So, Champs, enjoy your wine or pot or gummies, but the important thing is “in moderation.” And if your doctor insists that you stop drinking or smoking pot, consider changing your ways.

Please keep your emails coming. Next week, it’s the Super Bowl and/or Valentine’s. Which to write about? Such a dilemma.

“Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
January 26, 2024
“Hello I’m Johnny Cash”
By Columnist Tom Blake

”Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”

Anyone who has attended a Johnny Cash concert or seen a video of him performing recognizes his introductory words, “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.”

I heard him say that in person more than 25 times. The most indelible time was inside the walls of San Quentin Prison. I was seated in front of the makeshift stage in row one of the prisoners’ cafeteria, where concerts were held. Approximately 500 unruly and unshackled prisoners were seated nearby. Armed guards with loaded rifles walked on the catwalk 10 feet overhead.

When Johnny walked to the microphone and said, “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash,” the prisoners nearly rioted with joy and yelling. A prisoner seated next to me gently poked me in the ribs and asked, “Who the hell are you?”

I mumbled, “A friend of Johnny’s.”

Most Champs know I worked with Johnny Cash for two years in the mid-1970s. I remained friends with Johnny and his wife June Carter until they sadly passed away in 2003.

I’ve known and remained friends with Rosanne Cash, Johnny’s daughter, for 47 years. I attempt to meet with her backstage whenever she performs in Southern California. Last September, Champ Mike joined me backstage at Chapman University; he was thrilled to meet Rosanne. (See the picture below of Mike S. and Rosanne)

A few weeks ago, Champ Dee sent me an alert that The 2023-24 Johnny Cash The Official Concert Experience international tour was appearing on January 21 at the Segerstrom Center For The Arts in nearby Costa Mesa. I thought, maybe I’ll go. Shortly thereafter, Susie Lopez, a Communications Specialist for the Segerstrom Center, contacted me and asked if I’d be willing to attend the event and possibly share the experience with my readers.

Susie said, “This wonderfully nostalgic experience will bring songs and stories to the stage in a special way the audiences have never seen or heard before.” Susie’s words piqued my interest. She continued, “With a video of Johnny from episodes of The Johhny Cash TV Show projected on a screen above the stage, a live band and singers will accompany him in perfect sync.” That description did it for me. I accepted Susie’s invitation.

(There is a link below to the production company website. Highly recommended and informative.)

I asked how she knew that I had known Johnny Cash. She said she had seen the article I wrote for the three South Orange County newspapers (and for this eNewsletter) in September about Champs Jim, Debbie and I attending a Johnny Cash tribute band concert at The Coach House in Dana Point CA.

At this week’s show, Champs Jim, Dee, Wayne, and Nancy stopped by our seats to chat with Debbie and me. It was kind of a senior dating night at Segerstrom. Perhaps some other Champs were there as well. The show was awesome.

During the show, I was nostalgic — reflecting on how fortunate I was to have known Johnny and June — but also how blessed I’ve been throughout my life.

When Johnny sang Kris Kristofferson’s song, “Sunday Morning Coming Down,” on the big screen behind the stage, I about lost it. Johnny had dedicated that song to me in the Sahara Tahoe Resort Hotel ballroom in front of 2,000 people in 1975.

At last Sunday’s concert, one band member triggered my memories: The lead guitarist. Not a man–mind you– but a woman named Debbie Horton. She is the only woman who ever played lead guitar for Johnny. She made me think of Mother Maybelle Carter, June’s mother, who was known for the song “Wildwood Flower.”

Debbie Horton knew every song and always smiled during the concert. I reached out to her by email on Monday morning; she answered immediately. We connected through the common bond of Johnny Cash.

Debbie responded: “It was WONDERFUL to hear from you! I loved how Johnny went back into the studio and recorded the old Sun Records songs with so much energy. “I try my best to play the guitar parts note-by-note and not add or take away. I kind of do a mix of Luther (Perkins) and Bob (Wooten) – depending on the song. Hearing from people who really appreciate what I’m doing means the world to me – and you know what it’s supposed to sound like!”

And then she commented about senior dating: “I lost my husband in 2017 and ‘senior dating’ has its own challenges. I’d like to hear your views on that too.”

So, Debbie Horton will become a Champ, at least to read this article, and maybe to continue receiving the eNewsletter as she is a widow. She lives in Nashville. Her website is listed below.

What three women and one man Champs said about the show

I asked our woman Champs who attended the show for their impressions. Nancy said, “Before the Segerstrom Show, I hadn’t thought that Johnny Cash was as much of a poet as a lyricist — much in the tradition of Bob Dylan. I enjoyed the opportunity to dig deeper into Johnny’s words.”

Tom’s response to Nancy: “Johnny and Bob Dylan became friends. They performed an unforgettable duet when they sang, ‘Girl From The North Country,’ which was featured in the movie, The Bridges of Madison County and is on the Dylan album, Nashville Skyline. They were so out of sync, they sounded fabulous together with those incredible and powerful voices.

I’ve known Champ Dee for seven years. She attended the singles events at my Dana Point deli. I told her back then that she reminded me of June Carter Cash. Dee emailed Monday, the morning after the show, and mentioned my June Carter look-alike comment from years before: “I kept thinking about your comparison when video/audio clips of June came on the big screen last night, and yes, I can see the similarity connection. I am highly flattered.”

She added, “The main observation from last night was I had no idea how important Johnny’s voice was. I remember watching his show a few times when I was a very young child, which is probably why I didn’t understand the impact that he was making and was so moved by seeing it from the perspective of not only the band but also the moments of his son John Carter Cash talking on the big screen.

“I am tremendously grateful for having the opportunity to have attended last night, which came about because I opened your eNewsletter, thought how fun, reached out to Jim, and logged into my account at the Segerstrom to buy the tickets! Small series of events that led to one extremely memorable evening for me.”

Comment from Tom: “Regarding Johnny’s voice, June often teased him by calling him Old Golden Throat. I heard her say that multiple times.

My friend Debbie said, “What struck me the most was Johnny’s understanding of truth. Even more than that was we all have options or choices. He chose love over hate. I’ve often said that we don’t have control over situations, but rather we have choices about how we react to situations and about our attitude toward self, others, and life. I think Johnny Cash would agree.

“And I loved Johnny’s song, Man in Black. He had incredible empathy for the downtrodden. For example, his song words, ‘I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down…I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime. But is there because he’s a victim of the times…’

“You, Tom, witnessed that live in San Quentin Prison. “(Link to song Man in Black below)

Champ Wayne said, “I enjoyed the combination of clips of his TV show, live band, and singers performances and Johnny’s son’s commentary of a musical icon.”

So, Champs, as you might suspect, this concert at the Segerstrom touched me deeply. I’ve enjoyed sharing the experience. You are all special to me. There are 3 links below:

(1) Lead guitarist Debbie Horton’s website
(2) Johnny singing Man In Black
(3) The 2023-24 Johnny Cash The Official Concert Experience
www.debbiehorton.com

Link to Man In Black

Johnny Cash Concert Experience website

**Dee Tom and Debbie at the Concert (below)**

vs mia parking lot 1975 — **Dee Tom and Debbie at the Concert (below)**