On Life and Love after 50

Hanging out at the Pub Club

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter July 26, 2024

Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

On January 30, 2024, I received this email from Anita Gorsch: “I’m the editor of the Laguna Woods Globe, a weekly publication by the Orange County Register for seniors in the Laguna Woods Village retirement community.
(Approximately 18,000 seniors live in Laguna Woods Village, in South Orange County, California).

Anita continued: “We want to write a story about seniors finding love for our Valentine’s issue. Would you be willing to be interviewed about that?”
I replied yes. We spoke the next day for 30 minutes.

On February 8, the Globe published Anita’s front page story, “Looking for romance? Senior dating pro can help.” (See photo above) She included information from our phone conversation.

On March 25, a woman named Dinah Lin emailed: “I am writing on behalf of the Pub Club (*Publishing Club) of Laguna Woods. Our President, Nancy Brown, was captivated by the recent front-page Globe article highlighting you and your most interesting life/career. She recommended I contact you as a potential presenter/speaker at one of our gatherings. I am the program chair.”

“The Pub Club” caught my interest. Wow, I’d be speaking to a group of beer and wine drinkers.

Sorry, Tom, this isn’t a drinking club, as Dinah explained, “Our members are writers, published authors, and authors-to-be and our programs focus on topics that would help them on this journey. Please let me know if this interests you. It would be July 17 from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.”

I responded, “Me? Speaking for two hours on writing to an accomplished group of writers? I’d put them all to sleep.”

Dinah and I eventually settled on senior dating as the topic, with me being interviewed by one of their members. My part would be about an hour plus ample time for questions and answers. On July 17, when I saw the room, I was pleased. It was ideal, with tables, approximately 80 chairs, and microphones that were fully charged and ready to go. Approximately 70 people attended.

Women outnumbered men by about nine-to-one, a ratio typical of the Laguna Woods Village population and similar to senior dating ratios. Topics included online dating, building profiles and do’s and don’ts when posting photos, and long-distance relationships.

The importance of honesty trust, and communication between couples was frequently stressed. Who pays for the first senior date received many comments from attendees. The consensus was that men should grab the tab (at least, for the first two or three dates, something I agree with).

First-date etiquette was a fun topic. Women suggested that men keep their hands in check. So, what the hell do we do? Sit on our hands. Two women gave me copies of books they had published and I returned the favor with my books. One was Dinah Lin, the program chair. Her Amazon bestselling book is a memoir of her fascinating life. It’s titled. “Daring to Dream. Once Again.”

Dinah pours her heart and soul into this book; it’s a fascinating and heart-wrenching, follow-her-dreams story.

The other woman, Karen Haddigan, in collaboration with Debi Helm, handed me “Secrets of Dating After Fifty. The Insider’s Guide to Finding Love Again.” Karen and Debi’s book should be a textbook at a Senior Dating University. So many senior dating topics are included and often told with a humorous anecdote attached.

One section is titled, “Nakedness and the Aging Body,” which caught my attention. It discusses the reality of growing old, to which we all relate. I was amazed at how many of the same topics Karen and I had included in our respective dating after 50 books. Her opinions and observations about senior dating are more refreshing and up-to-date than in my book. (Karen’s book was published 12 years after my book was published)

The two books are pictured below. Both women sell their books on Amazon.com.

Writing is a great way for seniors to keep busy and their minds engaged. I hope we inspired the writers present to stay busy writing and publishing their books.

A special 70th Birthday

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter July 19, 2024

Alan Parsons (left) and Phil Green on stage at end of concert

Columnist Tom Blake and Senior Dating Expert

Sixteen years ago, on August 23, 2008, I was an Orange County California Deputy Marriage Commissioner for one day. I married Phil and Laurie Green at a ceremony in the historic mission city of San Juan Capistrano, California.

Phil was 54 and Laurie was in her mid-40s. They told me they wanted someone who knew them to marry them, that it would be more meaningful and personal. The county of Orange issued a one-day permit.

Phil had never married. Laurie was divorced in 2003 and had declared a moratorium on dating for “at least a year.” But, as often happens, life can change in an instant.

For Laurie, two things happened in late 2003. First, she met Phil at a party. Her one-year dating moratorium ended after a few months. They became a couple.

Second, her new-found bliss took a tough turn when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She and Phil tackled her cancer as a team. Laurie beat cancer and four years later was the wedding.

In keeping with their shared love of music, they became friends with Alan and Lisa Parsons. Alan was the founder of the Alan Parsons Project, a progressive, 70s and 80s British rock band.

Lisa and Alan were among the guests at the wedding and seated in the front row. At the reception, the disc jockey included Parsons’ hit Sirius/Eye in the Sky in the playlist. I thought I had read that Alan had helped produce two Beatles albums, which I asked him about.

He said he had been an assistant engineer, not an assistant producer, on the Abbey Road and Let It Be albums. “Had I been an assistant producer, I’d be a very rich man,” Parsons said with a grin. (My photo from 2008 with Alan and Lisa is below).

I included Laurie and Phil’s love story in my “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book.
Update 16 years later (July 19, 2024)

Last Sunday night, Laurie had a private 70th birthday party for Phil. My significant other, Debbie, and I were invited. It was held at Campus Jax restaurant in Newport Beach, California. Debbie and I agreed it was the most amazing birthday party either one of us had ever attended.

Laurie had done most of the preparation work. Here are some highlights.

1 Laurie and Phil are still happily married after 16 years, so I still have a perfect record, 1-0, for the people I married staying together

2 Laurie congratulated Debbie for completing her breast cancer treatments, as Laurie completed hers in 2004 (see photo of Laurie and Debbie below).

3 The Alan Parsons Project, with 8 members, including Alan, was the main event. Debbie and I were able to chat with Parsons and his wife Lisa beforehand. (see photo below).

And, of course, the band’s closing song was Sirius/Eye In The Sky. Everybody was on their feet and taking videos during the 6-minute song for which the band is noted. (a link to Debbie’s video of them performing the song is below)
A bonus was the appearance of the lead singer of Ambrosia, David Pack, who performed four of that group’s songs, such as “Biggest Part of Me.”

4 Birthday boy Phil was on stage leading a hilarious 25-question quiz about his life. And then, at the end of the concert, he was on stage with Alan Parsons celebrating his 70th. (see photo above).

5 Campus Jax is an ideal place for a concert. Every seat is within 50 feet of the stage. The acoustics were perfect and the 140 guests helped themselves to a yummy buffet dinner with some of the best pasta dishes we had ever eaten.

What a night. I almost forgot, Happy Birthday Phil, and thank you, Laurie.
Link to Sirius/Eye in the Sky (Facebook)

Importance of senior social interaction

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 12, 2024

Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Get off the couch and out of the house Tom is reminded of the importance of social interaction for seniors

I received a telephone call last week from Teresa, the first employee I hired at Tutor and Spunky’s, the Dana Point deli I opened in 1988. Remarkably, Teresa has worked there for 36 years. Teresa said a gentleman named Steve had telephoned the deli and asked how to contact me.

He told her he had purchased at an estate sale a book I had written in 2006 titled, “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” He hoped I would be willing to sign the book. Teresa gave me his phone number.

He googled me and sent me an email explaining the book situation. To be certain he was legitimate, I checked information about him on Google. I discovered he has owned SC Pacific Group, a real estate development and construction company for 30 years in nearby Laguna Niguel, and, he had been a chairman of the Laguna Niguel Planning Commission. Great credentials.

Steve and I agreed to meet at Peet’s Coffee in Laguna Niguel. I arrived early, wearing my University of Michigan shirt emblazoned with the famous “M” logo. Soon, a woman came into Peet’s wearing an Ohio State shirt. I showed her my Michigan shirt. We teased each other about being rivals and exchanged football stories. She’s a writer in Laguna Beach, so I gave her a business card. We will likely be in touch. It occurred to me that I would not have met her had I not gotten out of the house.

Steve texted a minute later, saying, “I’ll be the guy in the blue checkered shirt carrying a copy of your book.” Not 10 minutes later, he walked in and we both laughed. Steve said, “I enjoyed your book so much I had to find you and have you sign it.” I happily complied.

Steve told me he had frequently dined at the Victoria Station restaurant in Newport Beach. He had as many stories about his past life experiences as I have about my experiences. I suggested he write a book about his fascinating life. He said he’d been thinking about it. I asked for his permission to use how we met and the details of our meeting in an eNewsletter. He agreed.

I suggested we have a picture taken of the two of us holding the book. A woman standing nearby was waiting for her husband to bring her coffee. I asked if she would take a picture of Steve and me using my cellphone. She pointed to her husband and said, “I’ll have Mel take the picture. I’m Beverly. Who wrote the book?”

I said I had, and mentioned a few details about meeting Steve to sign the book. She said her husband Mel is also a writer and a professional tennis player. He arrived holding their coffees. Steve and I introduced ourselves to Mel and Beverly. Soon, the four of us were chatting and exchanging information about writing and life. What a delightful couple. I gave them a business card and we agreed to be in touch.

Again, I thought to myself, I would never have met these wonderful people if I hadn’t gotten out of the house. In the 45 minutes Steve and I chatted, we became friends. Steve said he would like to meet Bob Freeman, one of the three Victoria Station founders who now owns the Buena Vista restaurant in San Francisco, considered the birthplace of Irish coffee.

Steve mentioned he would be in San Francisco later this month. I said, “If you are driving, will you deliver a case of my books to Bob? He sells the book in the restaurant. Steve said, “Great. Maybe that’s how I can meet him.”

While driving home, I thought of that amazing hour at Peet’s. I have four new friends. That experience reminded me of the importance for seniors to get off the couch and out of the house and socially interact with people.

Social interaction is important for one’s health. Socially active people are proven on average to live longer than people who are couch potatoes. Plus, mingling with people can help combat senior loneliness.

Being lonely is not good for our health. I was pleased to be reminded of the importance of getting off the couch and out of the house.

Adding to the coincidences of that day, at home I received an email from a man named Jay McGuffin, who lives in Antioch, Illinois, He ordered a “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” book, stating that as a customer, he frequented the San Francisco and Northbrook (Illinois) Victoria Station restaurants often. And as a new Champ, He is receiving this eNewsletter today.

The photo below is of Tom and Steve (on the right in his checkered shirt) holding “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” If any Champ would like a signed copy of the book for $12, including shipping, email me at tompblake@gmail.com and I’ll explain how we can make that happen.

Losing love and dealing with the pain

On Life and Love After 50 e-Newsletter July 6, 2024

Overcoming the pain of losing a mate

By Columnist and Senior Dating Expert Tom Blake

On October 29, 2022, my partner, Greta, of 25 years, passed away. Five months later, I mustered the courage to write the May 5, 2023 eNewsletter titled Five Women Share Their Views on Losing Love and Dealing With The Pain. The responses from readers to that column were numerous.

Carolyn, emailed, “I just finished reading your most excellent eNewsletter. As is often stated, ‘Life Is For The Living!’ We can always think and remember the good times and the love we shared with our mate who has passed on, but it is necessary to find another companion.

“I lost my close friend and companion on April 10, 2020 (Good Friday). He contracted Covid-19 before authorities knew what was killing people so rapidly. He was sick in December 2019, but it was thought to be pneumonia. After that, all his organs started to fail.

“I am seeing a man who treats me well, buys me flowers and books I like, and treats me to fantastic Broadway shows.

“He is a wonderful man who makes me laugh so much. Plus, a fantastic conversationalist! His wife also passed away. He said right off the bat that he didn’t want to remain lonely anymore. Nor I.

“I am hoping Tom that you find someone who makes you happy and you can have wonderful conversations with. Life is short so we all had better get out there and enjoy it to the max!

Pat, 76, “I have been a subscriber to your eNewsletter for many years and this is the first time I am responding.

“I was widowed at age 53 in 2000 after 32 years of marriage. The following September my only daughter gave birth to identical twin girls. So, I had something to focus on after losing my husband (I was a caregiver for many years as he had MS).

“The thought of dating didn’t enter my mind for years. When my granddaughters became teenagers, I found I needed more in my life and joined a dating site. I dated two men each for two years but knew there had to be someone I could connect to. So, I kept at it – it was like a job.

“I recognized the scammers and finally met an honest man who lives 15 minutes from me. He was a widower. We started dating and two years later we are happy together. I would never have met him if it hadn’t been for the Senior People site.

“Life is too short – especially at our ages. I never thought I would find someone at this age that I would care for so much and have such a terrific relationship with.

“My advice to you is to stick with it and you will find the right person. The old saying “You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince” is true. Take care & lots of luck in the dating world!”

Deanne emailed, “The worst part of widowhood for me is becoming one. For 33 years I was a party of two. We were the dynamic duo and the word lonely didn’t exist. I just can’t seem to get used to being without someone who was such a big part of me.

“And not having someone to talk to, laugh with, and share life with is the worst pain I have experienced because it’s never-ending. This comes from a girl who experienced a Caesarean section with no anesthesia and lived to talk about it. My pain threshold is high, but surgery heals, and I just can’t seem to heal my heart.”

Thyrza emailed, “Everything you wrote last week about loneliness after a loved one has gone is so true. Loneliness and longings for the departed beloved sucks. Given my experience in my marriage, it took me 10 years to get the courage to start looking. My oldest daughter would encourage me to give myself another chance.

“I joined Match.com. I met a few frogs, but I persisted. I don’t want to live the rest of my life with an empty feeling. I enjoyed my three grands but having someone in my life to share my thoughts, feelings of joy and sadness, and the physical aspect of loving someone is a treasure.

“I found a man. It just takes patience and an open mind to find that person. To me, there is no time frame in which to find a new relationship. Looking back, I wish I’d had a different mindset then. Ten years is a long time to realize that loneliness sucks. Sooner is better!”

Dee, “I understand the need to find love again. I don’t want to just be friends although it could start that way. At my stage in life, I want warp speed. And from one member of our club (which we never imagined being members of) to another, it all sucks!

“I work late so I don’t have to be home as the sun sets (just too many memories for me). This is not the life I planned, this is not what I could have ever imagined happening and I want a new beginning.

“My friends are all married or in long-term relationships. They don’t get it and I would never want them to be in my shoes. But I would like to find that special person to walk alongside me, hold my hand, and make me feel good again. And a hug, wow that strong arm around me. Yes, I’m truly missing that.

“No one can tell us what is good for us. Our lives, as we knew them, just died. But we are still here and should feel good again. Dating apps serve a purpose. We know the risks and pitfalls. I’m willing to take a chance again. I remain lonely but hopeful. And if I’m lucky enough I will kiss loneliness goodbye.
“You and I know ‘the lonely.’ It doesn’t matter if it’s six months or years; time drags along, and we know that we have become unwilling experts.

Claire emailed: “You, Tom, sound lost. It is understandable.”

Me: Lost? Not lost, just no partner at this point.

My Personal Journey of Recovery

In April 2023, while sitting alone at home and lonelier than heck, I joined Match.com and another site called Zoosk. I hoped to curb my loneliness. I met a couple of women for coffee, a couple for a walk, and sprung for dinner twice.

Two weeks after the eNewsletter was published, on Friday, May 19, I noticed a woman’s profile on Zoosk. Her name was Debbie from Mission Viejo (a half hour away). We exchanged messages on Zoosk and agreed to meet that evening. I was nine years older, which didn’t seem to bother her, at least that’s what she said.

We had much in common. Sports, political affiliation, advanced degrees, love of the ocean and water. And chemistry. I liked her height, 5′ 1″. We started to date on May 19. That was more than a year ago. Like any new couple, we’ve had differences to work out. We are in a committed relationship and both feel blessed we met. Online dating worked for us.

As I mentioned in a recent eNewsletter, Debbie had breast cancer surgery six weeks ago and is recovering nicely. The cancer had not spread. She completed five radiation treatments this week as a precaution to stop a return.
After her fifth treatment this Tuesday, she got to ring the bell signifying that she had completed the radiation treatments, a tradition at The City of Hope Cancer Center.

The sign says, “This course is run, my treatment done. Now I am on my way.”
I imagine several of our Champs have been able to ring a similar bell. Good job cancer survivors. Good job Debbie. The picture of Debbie contemplating the bell is below, taken this Tuesday. Seconds later, she was ringing it with a big smile.

Serendipity

On Life and Love After 50 e-Newsletter – June 28 2024

Tom Blake – Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

The responses to last week’s SpaceX eNewsletter triggered unexpected memories and coincidences from my past that dumbfounded me. At the risk of boring you silly, I share them with you today.

Cheryl emailed, “I first wrote to you about meeting a former classmate at my # 40 high school reunion and how we married on the Big Island of Hawaii on New Year’s Eve 2001.

“In 2005, you invited us and other Champs to a Don Ho (Tiny Bubbles) concert at The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano. My husband Guy and I were 58. Guy was swarmed by women asking him for dating advice.”

Tom’s response to Cheryl. Don Ho’s manager in 2005 was Lou Robin, Johnny Cash’s former manager. (Johnny passed in 2003). Lou and I had been friends for 30 years. Minutes before the concert began, Lou came to our Champs’ table and asked me if I would introduce Do Ho to the audience.

I said “yes” even though I had never met Ho. I went on stage and winged it. When Ho came on stage, he treated me like his forever, long-lost friend. It was funny. Ho’s daughter Hoku, 24, (one of 10 children) sang beautifully that evening.

Cheryl sent a photo of herself and Guy at an antique car show that is included below.

Next, another email, this one from Ed, included a different color photo of the same SpaceX in the sky, arrived with the subject line, “Old Times.”

Ed wrote, “We saw the SpaceX launch Tuesday here in Tucson. Spectacular. It’s been 60 years since you and I met each other at the University of Michigan Business School. I grew up in Parma, Michigan and you were from nearby Jackson, so we had that in common.”

Tom’s comments: I was surprised and pleased. Imagine. Out of the blue after 60 years. I knew nothing about Ed’s life. I didn’t realize he became a Champ earlier this year. His list of accomplishments is staggering.

Peggy emailed, “I’m 70 and spent weeks decluttering my parents ‘stuff.’ I say GET RID of ‘stuff’ before you die. Your children will be much happier with you. I’ve now started to collect my own ‘stuff’ and making weekly trips to Restore is much more pleasant and a good feeling! I’m living in the mountains of Georgia now.

Her Georgia comment triggered a thought. I wrote back to Peggy: “Do you remember Wyche Fowler? He was a Congressman and US Senator from Georgia. And the Ambassador to Saudi Arabia. When you mentioned that you live in Georgia, it made me think of Wyche. Great guy. We were roommates in NYC in 1961 after we both graduated from college and went to work for big Wall Street banks.

I hadn’t been in touch with Wyche Fowler for several years. I sent him an email. He responded. We spoke on the phone this Tuesday. Wyche and his woman friend, Becky, have been together for nearly 29 years.

We didn’t talk politics. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve been friends for 63 years. Wyche and Becky are receiving today’s eNewsletter. They may share their story with us for a future column. Update July 31, 2024, Wyche and I emailed each other today. Topic: the upcoming presidential election.

Bonnie wrote, “I enjoyed the photo of the SpaceX contrail. My daughter-in-law’s sister works there and trains the astronauts. I am always interested in their news.” Tom’s response. Although Bonnie worked for the Victoria Station Restaurant chain, as I did, we didn’t know each other.

She’s been a Champ for many years. Her ‘astronauts’ mention struck a chord with me. I graduated from DePauw University in 1961. A Beta Theta Pi fraternity brother named Joe Allen became an astronaut.

I’ve had the picture of Joe and his astronaut crew members on my office wall since 1984. Joe made history while tethered outside the spacecraft. He retrieved a satellite from space and held it over his head during an orbit around the world and that satellite was brought back to earth.

I emailed Bonnie that information with the above picture included and copied Joe Allen and his brother David Allen on my email to Bonnie. Joe lives in Indiana; David in Kentucky. David called me on his cellphone and we spent nearly an hour reminiscing and catching up. Egad, 67 years of friendship.

And speaking of Victoria Station, Wil, one of my bartenders when I managed our Denver restaurant in 1971 responded to last week’s eNewsletter. Wil’s been a Champ for years. He lives in Hawaii and he’s happy he does. He thinks California drivers are insane. I agree with him.

On Friday, Wil emailed: “I’m at the airport in California heading home to Hawaii. I attended a high school wrestling reunion.” Wil’s a survivor. He survived throat cancer 14 years ago and had a stent installed in his neck artery 2 ½ years ago.

Four years ago, at age 72, he married for the first time. He and his wife Pua are pictured below.

Champ Grant wrote, “I thought you might be interested in this.” He attached a video titled “Ring of Fire,” written in 1962 by June Carter Cash. Of course, it’s about her falling in love with Johnny Cash, her husband to be.

The video was recorded live in 1968. It is an incredible piece of music. Carl Perkins and Marshall Grant are playing in the recording and sisters June, Anita, and Helen Carter are singing in the background.

I knew and worked with each one of them in the 1970s. The link is on YouTube Premium. I hope you can open it: (10) Johnny Cash & The Carter Family – Ring Of Fire (Live 1968) – YouTube

I met and worked with Johnny and June in 1975 and remained friends with them for nearly 28 years.

Champ Ellen, Seattle, emailed: “Starlink has been in the news recently. Google Starlink and Elon Musk and see what comes up. (Ellen wasn’t too pleased with what she read online).

She continued, “The Angels are playing the Mariners and there is an AARP block. I just may have to go. “Clutter is something I’m working on. I will have to downsize. I just turned 77. It’s hard to imagine how I got here, but fortunately, I’m healthy and singing in a choir with seniors. We do Rock and Roll.”

Tom’s comment: The reason Ellen mentioned baseball and singing is we met at the Anaheim Angels baseball stadium in the mid-1990s when she sang the National Anthem, and I was seated just a row or two behind her. After singing near the pitcher’s mound, she returned to her seat. I introduced myself and asked her for a date.

As I recall, she turned me down. But, we’ve been long-distance friends ever since.

Finally, filling out this emotional, happy memory week for me was a Facebook post by a Jackson, Michigan high school class of 1957 buddy David Dickinson who commented on the passing of baseball great Willie Mays last week at age 93.

David’s dad owned the Texaco Gas Station near our junior high school. I used to go there to buy candy in the late 1940s. I met Willie Mays at Candlestick Park on the infield when members from our Naval Base were hosted by the Giants in 1964. This week I dug into my archives in the garage and found this picture of Willie Mays shaking hands with our department head, with me behind Willie clasping my hands in awe.

The photo has been preserved perfectly. (See the photo below) Say Hey. What a week.

And one last item. Tuesday night, out of the blue, another pal from my 1957 high school class, Bruce Campbell, called me from Cincinnati. We talked for 25 minutes. He has eight great-grandchildren. I wonder why all of these memories arrived within a few days of each other. There must be an explanation.

Willie Mays-Candlestick Park 1994. Tom clasping hands on left

Champs Cheryl & Guy – vintage Jaquar at Dana Point Car Show

Champ Wil and Pua – Live in Hawaii – married 5 years

Responses to Downsizing and a Space X Surprise

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Responses to last week’s Declutter eNewsletter

Before I get into this week’s main topic, I want to report a phenomenon that happened to me on Tuesday night. I left my significant other’s (Debbie) house at 8:45 p.m. to drive home to Dana Point. It was turning dark, but the sunlight was still brushing the nearby mountain tops.

I noticed a bright jet contrail in the sky, the largest I had ever seen, which was illuminated by the sun. There appeared to be a rocket creating that contrail. I could see clearly that powerful engine clawing into space.

Naively, I immediately thought to myself, “This is supernatural. Is the USA under attack? With all the rhetoric from Russia about WW III, could this be it?”

I pulled my car over to phone Debbie, telling her to go outside and look at the sky. A minute later, the above photo popped onto my cellphone. Debbie had taken the photo.

I turned on KNX radio, an all-news station in Los Angeles. The reporters were going nuts, describing the highly visible contrails. I quickly learned that it was the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, that had been launched approximately six minutes before from Vandenberg Air Force Base near Santa Barbara, California.

Later, I read on Space.com: “The Falcon 9’s upper stage, meanwhile, continued hauling the 20 satellites toward low Earth orbit, where they’re scheduled to be deployed about an hour after liftoff. The new batch will join more than 6,000 operational satellites in the Starlink mega-constellation.”

My trepidation turned to awe. The rocket engine disappeared into space. And, as an afterthought, I appreciated how fortunate we are to live in peace on this planet and in this country.

And now. Responses to last week’s Downsizing and Decluttering

Often, my weekly eNewsletters generate enough helpful responses from Champs that I can write a follow-up meaningful column.

That didn’t happen last week. I wrote about decluttering and downsizing and only a few comments trickled in.

Champ Louise sent a lengthy response that included her philosophy of decluttering. However, it was her words in one paragraph that made me realize why decluttering isn’t a topic that Champs want to hear about.

Louise said, “You hit home with your ‘clutter’ comments. Our clutter used to be our life, and now it is a problem. Isn’t that ridiculous? To clear it is painful, enlightening, and very needed. Ask yourself if you were moving, would you pack this thing up and pay to have it moved? Probably not.”

Those comments helped me understand why Champs felt last week’s article was a yawner. The word “declutter” was a burr in their saddles. It takes time, it’s boring, it tugs on our emotions, and triggers memories of years gone by. It’s the most procrastinated senior activity.

I included in that column my brief experience trying to sell 143 Writer’s Digest Magazines I’ve kept since the late 1980s. And four Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters on Ebay (which I sold) and Facebook Marketplace.

Sheila emailed, “Somebody will want your items for sure, Tom. I have been downsizing for the last year and have had good luck with Marketplace, other than a few times people have responded wanting my cell phone number, (watch out) don’t ever give them your number.

“I posted two items yesterday. What I have found is you can get an inquiry months after posting it when you think no one is interested. I put a Seiko watch on three months ago and last week someone responded and bought it.

“I had knee replacement surgery May 9th so I’m also recovering but doing ok. Take care and good luck downsizing, it feels great to get rid of stuff.”

Sheila is right. I posted those magazines for sale in April. This week, I sold and shipped them to Missouri.

Jessica wrote, “I’d be interested in 10 of the most recent Writer’s Digests.”

Note from Tom: I apologize, Jessica. I wanted to sell them as an entire group and fortunately got rid of them. Besides, the most recent magazine was dated 2006, hardly recent.

Jim emailed, “Decluttering is on my to-do list every week. I procrastinate too much. My garage needs to be done and then my little bedroom. I’ve started getting rid of horse stuff at a consignment place in Norco (CA) but they take 40% on small stuff and 25% on saddles. I have received more than $650 already.

“I hope my five saddles will sell before I am required to reduce my prices by 20%. I’m going to try eBay and Marketplace soon. Do you know of anyone looking for a rein cow horse (Stella) 12 years old with whom I’ve won $1000? Price is $20k?”

Christine, emailed, “In January I finally decided to get rid of the remainder of my deceased husband’s collectibles that have been in my garage for years. I’ve sold much on eBay and was ready to have the Veterans’ truck show up and donate them all.

“Two weeks later, I saw an ad on my FB page for an estate sale company in Brea (next door city to Fullerton). I called and they came. Three loads in their Chevrolet Tahoe SUV, my garage was only filled with my stuff. It was so easy. They auction everything and take 50% off. Seems very fair because of how much work they do. They’re called Yellow Dog Estate Sales and they’re wonderful.”

Regina, “Six weeks ago I put decluttering as the first thing on my to-do list. I haven’t gotten to it yet. I have no excuses; it still sits on my to-do list!”

Tom’s Final Comment:

Enough about decluttering and downsizing. We all understand the need to do so. But it’s challenging.

Send me some senior dating questions, comments, or experiences. Let’s get back to the nuts and bolts of senior romance. July is just around the corner.

Downsizing and Decluttering

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 14, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Decluttering and Downsizing—no more procrastinating

As we move into our 70s, 80s, and 90s, we receive much advice about the need for us to declutter. We need to clean out our closets, offices, garages, attics, basements, and storage units so that after we pass, our offspring or relatives won’t need to deal with it.

Since I retired nine years ago when I sold Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, I’ve been reminding myself to put decluttering near the top of my bucket list.

It seems that every Monday when I step into my office, I say to myself, “This is the week I will go through this workspace and get rid of the junk I’ve been hoarding for years.”

And then, when the next Monday arrives, I repeat the same words, as I managed to procrastinate for yet another week.

Downsizing and decluttering are at the top of my accomplishment list this week. First off, I have two boxes in the living room filled with 142 old issues of Writer’s Digest magazines. I subscribed to Writer’s Digest in 1987 until 2011. Those monthly magazines taught me how to become a writer.

I don’t have the heart to toss them out. I contacted the Writer’s Digest headquarters, thinking those 142 magazines would be a gold mine to them. The guy on the phone said, “I’m sorry. Can you imagine how many old copies we have on our shelves? We are not interested.”

So, I ventured onto eBay and Facebook Marketplace. I have only sold one item on eBay and nothing on Facebook Marketplace as I just signed up for Marketplace this week.

On eBay, I sold a Super Bowl II ticket stub that had been in my office drawer for 56 years. I attended that game. The ticket sold for $600. Couldn’t believe it.

I’ve had one nibble on the 142 Writer’s Digest magazines on eBay. But I didn’t see the offer. I sent a letter to that man and he bought the magazines. There went to boxes from my living room floor. Hooray.

I was in my garage on Monday and looked up at four framed posters that used to be on my deli’s wall. They were oversized (28″ x 21″) poster photos of Sports Illustrated magazine swimsuit edition covers. Three were autographed by the models with some greeting to the deli on them. I thought holy cow, those four posters might be worth a lot. They haven’t sold yet. So, I keep lowering the price.

So, I did a big no-no for seniors, I climbed up a ladder, but just two steps, and pulled the posters down. They are framed in glass and are in great shape. I’m including pictures of the posters at the bottom of this newsletter.

I acquired them between 1989-1992 at private cocktail parties sponsored by Sports Illustrated, as a thank-you tribute to their advertisers. I got to attend because I had a buddy whose company had advertised in Sports Illustrated.

So here I was decluttering, something we seniors all need to do, and I spotted those posters. I’m not decluttering to earn money, but to help my heirs get rid of stuff. And, if I make a few bucks doing that, I’ll treat myself to a Big Mac and fries. Or, more likely a healthy salad instead. I decided to try to sell the four posters online and the 142 magazines.

I don’t think I have shared with you that the new woman in my life, Debbie, whom I met on Zoosk a year ago May 19, is recovering from breast cancer surgery she had three weeks ago. She’s doing well. No cancer had spread.

Debbie’s two daughters, Brianna and Tovah, have been helping her around her house. Of course, their primary mission is to be with their mom, helping Debbie recover. However, the two of them have appointed themselves to be Debbie’s declutter champions. Frankly, I’m thrilled about that.

Tovah is a whiz on Facebook Marketplace and stuff has started to disappear from being stored in Debbie’s garage. Buyers pick things up. I learned about selling stuff online from watching Tovah.

And Brianna is an initiator. On Monday, she rented a U-Haul van and drove it to Debbie’s storage unit. The three women asked if I could meet them at the storage unit in case they needed a hand. The emptying of the storage unit has begun. I agreed to help.

These two daughters, in their mid-40s, with that U-Haul truck parked outside, got busy. It turns out, they didn’t need my muscle power.

Inside that storage unit, they lowered a large couch onto a flatbed wheel cart, took it to the U-Haul van, and loaded it in. They told me (politely) to get out of the way. Then, at Debbie’s home, they carried it about 30 feet into the living room, not to mention lamps and chairs as well. I was dumbfounded. What a couple of go-getters!

When seniors downsize and declutter, they need to accept their children’s, relatives’, and friends’ help in getting rid of stuff. Make it happen. No more procrastinating.

For those of you who are good at placing items for sale online, or are just curious, go to Facebook and search on “Tom Blake Facebook Marketplace listings.” I’d like your opinions on the listings. I have stuff on eBay for sale as well. I’m wide open to suggestions.

Let’s all get busy downsizing and decluttering.

Online Senior Dating Scam

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 7, 2024

by Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Senior Man Gets Scammed

I used to be an advocate for senior online dating. It gave lonely seniors who were having no luck meeting a potential partner hope that they might meet someone by casting their nets far and wide to areas that had been inaccessible to them.

I still believe in senior online dating but with words of caution. After losing Greta, my partner of 25 years, in October 2022, I was one lonely dude. This loneliness emotion affects nearly every senior who has suffered the loss of a partner.

Five months later, while sitting home on another empty Saturday night, I tried senior online dating. I had written about online dating, based upon stories Champs had sent me, but frankly, I didn’t know my fanny from first base about its intricacies.

I joined Match.com, and a lesser-known dating site, Zoosk. It was overwhelming. I was creating a profile, adding photos, trying to guess who to believe, and what to believe, and hearing from people who lived far away. Some from other cities, states, and foreign countries. Simply overwhelming.

Within days, a woman replied on Zoosk. “I love your profile. I admire that you are a writer. I live near you in Oceanside (about a half hour away). I hope we can get together soon. My photos are current.”

I checked her photos. There were eight of them. She was drop-dead gorgeous, age 63, 20 years younger. She sent another email: “I will be in Northern California for about a month. I will keep in touch while gone and want to meet you in person when I come home.”

I wondered if she was for real. I also wondered why a gorgeous woman 20 years younger would be interested in a man 83. We kept in touch and spoke on the phone a few times. She sent more current pictures, some of her playing pickleball. Slowly, I was starting to believe she was for real.

When she returned, she texted, “Can we meet in Dana Point Harbor in front of Harpoon Henry’s and go for a walk?” When I saw her, it took my breath away. She looked like her pictures. She gave me a big hug. Our walk lasted an hour. She held my hand. She asked if we could meet again two days later for a similar walk.

During the second walk, she said she’d love to live in Dana Point but knew nothing about Dana Point real estate and it would be helpful if she could see my home. I showed it to her. No hanky panky, just a 10-minute tour.

We agreed to meet again. She said we had a lot in common. A day later, she sent a text, “If I move in with you, I wouldn’t want to be tossed to the street if you pass away before I pass away, so I would need you to change your estate plan to leave me the house.”

I was amazed that she wanted to live together. And shocked that she wanted to inherit the home I had lived in for 30 years. When I said it was too soon to consider that, we hadn’t even kissed yet, she wrote, “I can’t see you anymore.”

At least I hadn’t spent a penny on her. A quick online dating lesson learned: When something sounds or someone looks too good to be true, it most likely is. And even though you’ve met someone real in person, and it appears you like each other, it doesn’t mean you put your guard down and trust that person unconditionally. Relationships take time to build.

This past Sunday, Champ Mark sent me an online (The Wall Street Journal) article titled ‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings. The article spelled out in great detail how a senior man, age 75, lost his life’s savings to a scammer who claimed to be age 37, rich, a Chinese immigrant woman looking for love who contacted him via LinkedIn.

I read the 24-page article to see the details. Although the victim was a successful, professional man, who lived in the Midwest, he let his infatuation and naivety overrule his intelligence. He ignored a huge red flag right out of the gate: an age gap of approximately 45 years. Come on now!

The scammer enticed him by sending inviting pictures of her. They likely weren’t real. He took the bait. She slowly reeled him in, a ploy by scammers. She convinced him to join an online site called WhatsApp. It’s not a dating site. It keeps conversations and messages private. I’ve used it to communicate with friends who live in Austria.

But lately, I’ve been getting bitcoin promotions on WhatsApp so I sense the scammers are trying to trap me into some b.s. scheme. The scammer and the victim had only one very brief phone call which should have been another red flag to him.

Slowly, through deception and promises of love, as detailed in the article, she gained his trust and reeled him into financial investments. The victim believed she was a gift from a higher power. He never met her in person. What the heck was he thinking?

I’ve always said a person can’t fall in love with an image, you must meet the person face-to-face. This victim didn’t make that happen. He believed her excuses of why she couldn’t meet. He let his imagination control his decision-making. He was vulnerable to manipulation. I’m not suggesting single seniors should avoid online dating. I know many couples who met their partners using online dating sites and are together. I’m one of them. Just be smart. Trust your instincts.I met my woman friend a year ago on Zoosk. She lives about a half-hour’s drive away.

Also, scammers don’t only exist on online dating sites. They can be lurking anywhere they smell an opportunity. LikedIn and WhatsApp are not dating sites. So, have your guard up with every stranger you meet.

Another Champ, Francine from Florida, emailed this week, “I’m so tired of online dating. I see the same old, same old men.” She’s decided to take a break from the disappointments she is finding online.

She also added, “I have fewer tomorrows than I have yesterdays. So, I’m making all of them count.” If you’d like to read the entire WSJ article, here’s the link. You can listen to it on the WSJ site as well. Thanks again to Mark for alerting us about it.

‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings – WSJ

Time Waits For No One

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 24, 2024

By Columnist and Senior Dating Expert Tom Blake

In the early 1950s, a quartet called the Hilltoppers had a #1 hit song titled, “P.S. I Love You.” Most people who enjoyed listening to music on the radio back then recall that classic love song.

The Hilltoppers had other lesser-known songs as well. One that I enjoyed was “Time Waits For No One.”

This week, I thought about that song’s opening lyrics sung by Jimmy Sacca, the lead singer: “Time waits for no one it passes you by…” Those words made me think of my writing career and the evolution of senior dating.

I reflected on the year 1994. Life for me was good then. I owned Tutor & Spunky’s, a popular deli in Dana Point, which kept me busy seven days a week. Plus, I was married for a third time, and happy as a clam, at least that’s what I thought.

And then, an unexpected event hit me like a ton of bricks.

While I was in Northern California visiting my 81-year-old mom, I was blind-sided when my wife of six years telephoned me to announce that she and her two boys had taken what furniture and belongings they wanted and moved out of our Dana Point home.

I was shocked, humiliated, and saddened. My “happy life” had changed in an instant. That night, I started keeping a journal, trying to understand what had happened. I was 54.

Two months after my wife’s phone call, she filed for divorce. I decided to date, thinking I’d be hot stuff — lots of single women came to the deli. But those women didn’t want to date an older, broken man. I wrote about my divorce and futile dating attempts in the journal.

Adversity can lead to opportunity

Often, after people experience adversity, unexpected opportunities emerge. That happened to me.
I was not a writer in 1994. But six months after my wife’s move out, I became one.

Using the notes from the journal, I wrote a 72-page short story about a 54-year-old man being dumped and divorced by his wife, and his subsequent frustrating dating life.

I submitted the story to two women editors, Sherrie Good and Dixie Redfearn, of the Dana Point News, a printed weekly newspaper owned by The Orange County Register. Those two women gave me the chance to become a columnist.

My first article, “Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company,” was published on July 7, 1994. I had no idea how long my writing gig would last. A week? A month?

For the next 16 years, I wrote senior dating columns for The Register newspapers. And then, 13 years ago, I started writing for Picket Fence Media (PFM), which owned the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times, and The Capistrano Dispatch. I made appearances on the Today Show and Good Morning America.

Last year, the Times Media Group, a newspaper syndicate in Arizona and Los Angeles, purchased (PFM.) I hoped the transfer of ownership wouldn’t end my print-newspapers writing career.

It’s been almost a year since the Times Media Group acquired PFM. I am still writing for them. I realize how blessed I am to be writing for printed newspapers. The number of columns including weekly eNewsletters written in 30 years is approximately 4,800.

I started writing these eNewsletters about 20 years ago. That time has gone by in a whiz. Time Waits for No One.

Have things changed on the dating scene in 30 years? Of course! In 1994, seniors mainly met potential mates the old-fashioned way—via networking with friends and socializing.

Now, the Internet provides online dating with opportunities and dangers. Online dating sites are filled with romance scammers. When I began writing, my topic was dating after 50. Now it’s dating after 60, 70, 80, and even 90. Same old issues—it’s challenging to meet someone compatible. And, women 60+ often remind me there aren’t enough available men.

And speaking of the 90s, our Champ, Les Jones, who is in 98, wrote this week. He said, “Please watch the annual Memorial Day Concert on PBS on May 26, Sunday evening. I’m being honored as a World War II veteran and will be on TV.”

Les can attest to how time waits for no one, he fought for our country in Europe and in the Pacific nearly 84 years ago.

The ending words in the Hilltoppers’ “Time Waits For No One” song are “…let’s take love while we may.” Those five words apply to my writing career and senior dating. Most single seniors would like to take and receive love. We don’t have time left to waste.

Link to Time Waits For No One

A woman with True Grit

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 17, 2024
by Tom Blake Column and Senior Dating Expert

Why did an email from Champ Lisa this week remind me of the movie True Grit? How could a Champ forget that movie’s gritty performances by Kim Darby and John Wayne and the 1969 title song by Glen Campbell?

(In the picture above, Lisa is with one of her horses in Tucson, Arizona)
.
I made that Lisa/True Grit connection because what Lisa accomplished in the last five years took true grit. Her story touches upon issues that seniors often face.

Lisa wrote: “Your eNewsletter last week about a woman in a long-distance relationship raised issues applicable to many seniors these days: Relocating to a different state

“A lifelong Californian, I moved to Tucson, Arizona 4 1/2 years ago, at age 70, bought horse property, a wonderful home with a pool, and all I could ask for.

I asked Lisa what inspired her to relocate, to make that gutsy move. She said, “My reason for leaving California was due to the growing situation in California over many years. Among them: is changing the laws to let criminals out of prison

-Related to that, revising the law (again) so that those criminals may now steal without consequence – This made me feel that as I get older, I would be even more vulnerable to crime

-Related again, the ever-increasing problem with homelessness, even though my city of Burbank was able to keep a lid on it

-State taxes: why should I be paying for the homeless and illegal aliens, who get free health care? -The state where I was born has gone off the rails (including Jerry’s choo choo.) Tom’s comment: Lisa was referring to the high-speed train being built between Los Angeles and Las Vegas of which Governor Jerry Brown was a proponent.

Lisa continued, “I wanted to move to Arizona or New Mexico. NM is a beautiful state but they tax Social Security, whereas Arizona does not. They also have lots of problems.

“Dry heat is my preference, I’m not a fan of the humidity in other locations. “I consider myself somewhat of a lizard, relishing the sun and the heat which is why I relocated to Southern Arizona.

“I’m at a higher elevation than the city of Tucson, and it’s considerably cooler, especially more so than Phoenix, which is a couple of hours away.

“I didn’t follow my friends who had moved to Phoenix, but I am glad that they are in Arizona.”

Relocating again after 4 ½ years

Another move recently took even more true grit on her part. She is 76 and again did the move on her own. Lisa continued, “I just moved to SaddleBrooke, a 55+ community in Tucson, with many amenities, and am boarding my horses at a ranch nearby.

“My reasons for moving were (1) The social isolation, my home was at the end of a private road, with all (lovely) married couples for neighbors. I wasn’t meeting single seniors.

And (2) the upkeep on the one-acre property (25 + mesquite trees) and the difficulty of getting safely to the riding trails, if I were to ride alone.

Life at SaddleBrooke

“In SaddleBrooke, there are many friendly and interesting people, and I am finding that a few residents also have horses where I am boarding mine.

“Tucson is very spread out as well, and the east side is more than an hour away, so some people factor that in and are sometimes reluctant to drive to my area.

“Since being at SaddleBrooke, I have not only been busy with the move but have had some great social events that I have attended, the most recent being a Kentucky Derby party at the boarding ranch (with an SB neighbor who also boards her horse there) and an SB Cinco de Mayo party with a fabulous Mariachi band. And now, my house is being painted!

“I do see my friends who live in Phoenix occasionally. One of them was down for the weekend with her boyfriend. “I haven’t left home overnight–except once–because I had the horses on my property to care for. That may change since the horses are now boarded, but I still have two kitties (easier to find someone to feed them, though).

Lisa’s perspective on dating and LDRs and challenges “I don’t know about the single men in my community yet; it is quite a large community, but I have had much social interaction since being here for less than two months.

“I have been contacted by a few men in the Phoenix area and beyond. Phoenix, depending on the area, is approximately two hours away.

“I won’t consider a LDR because when I find someone, with whom I want to be exclusive, I would like to see them two or three times weekly. This doesn’t mean I would only want to see them for that limited time.

“One of the challenges here is that many people on Match.com–the site I’m on–are ‘snowbirds’ and fly away to cooler homes during the summer.

“I have not chosen well in my romantic history, so I am leery of living with someone again. I don’t want to be joined at the hip. Of course, one never knows, if I fall in love, those feelings might change.

“I like to see friends, ride my horse, and like my ‘alone time.’ I am not particularly domestic, and I don’t want to have to cook for someone, at least not regularly.

“I have introduced some of my friends to your column. You have helped many.”

Tom’s Thoughts Hats off to Lisa. A woman with True Grit. I admire Lisa’s determination and true grit in pursuing her life and constantly working to improve it. I also admire her love of animals, her kitties, and horses. The most important lesson that Champs can take away from Lisa’s story is the need for social interaction.

At age 76, she relocated again to improve her social interaction. I read an article online this week that stated that loneliness is as deadly to seniors as smoking or drinking excessively. If any Champ would like to reach out to Lisa, email me at tompblake@gmail.com and I will forward your email to her.

Horse lovers are especially encouraged to contact her. Lisa has been a Champ for 12 years. I know she will inform us how this current move works for her. I checked the SaddleBrooke website and feel Lisa made the right move. It appears to be a spectacular place.

Here’s the link to the 1969 song, “True Grit,” sung by Glen Campbell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIyXkRIhFKE