On Life and Love after 50

Where are single senior men?

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 15, 2020

Where are single senior men? The answer is easier now

by Tom Blake Columnist

The most frequently asked question I’ve received in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50 has come from women. In the first few years of writing, the question was: “Where can I meet single senior men in their 50s?”

Around 2005, the question changed: “Where can I meet single men in their 60s?”

In 2014, when I sold my Dana Point deli and retired, the question had become: “Where can I meet single men in my 70s?”

In February, 2020, a question was: “Where/How to meet Prof Men?” That question did not come from a Champ, it came from a woman named Judy who contacted me via the FindingLoveafter50.com website.

When Judy asked that question, she volunteered other information: “I’m a financially secure gal who cannot find local men to date. I joined Match.com only to have Match notify me that four of the men they sent me were frauds.

“Also, Match.com recommended a university professor, age 75, who is still working full time and has cancer. This seems to be my luck!”

“What on earth? Where can I meet a nice man on my same level in life? At my age, I sure don’t want to drive two hours, which is also what I found on Match.com. I feel I am classy, attractive, enjoy sports, a golfer and have a nice outgoing personality. Please advise.”

About 10 days after receiving Judy’s email, reports of COVID-19 started to surface. Any advice I could offer her became out-of-date, not usable.

How do I give someone dating advice and in the same breath advise them “to quarantine at home?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have suggested to Judy what I’ve said to all women who have asked that question over the years “Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Adopt a positive attitude. Smile. Put your best self out there. Staying at home doesn’t hack it.”

It was hard to get more specific with Judy because she didn’t reveal what’s she’s doing to meet men, other than flail away on Match.com.

I suggested she become a Champ, but to my knowledge, that didn’t happen.

Also, I would have added this to Judy’s advice, “Since you are a golfer, pursue that option. Lots of men golf and go to driving ranges. And they often have an adult-beverage after a round of golf in the 19^th hole bar and grill at the clubhouse. Make yourself visible, smile, have fun, and above all, keep your eye on the ball. You know, the golf ball.”

For now, until this virus subsides, and hopefully disappears all together, I can’t give advice to her other than to online date. However, she has a bitter taste in her mouth toward online dating because of her experience with Match.com. And that shows through in her comments.

I would have recommended—had she become a Champ–that she read our eNewsletter from two weeks ago in which Champ Christine Baumgarten, a dating and relationship coach, talked about “Why now is the PERFECT TIME to date.” I’ve posted that eNewsletter with Christine’s comments on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website.

To access that issue, once on the website home page, note that the ribbon across the top of the page shows an eNewsletters category. That’s a drop-down menu. Click on it and again on Tom’s 2020 and 2019 eNewsletters. The most recent eNewsletter posted is the one with Christine’s advice. It’s the first one you will come to.

What I’ve found during these stay-at-home times is that I’m connecting with many old friends, with whom I haven’t talked in a long time. In some cases, years. That eases loneliness and who knows, for our single Champs, a connection with an old friend might lead to something more? It would have to be a remote connection for now.

And while remote, we still can see people via Facetime on our phones or Zoom or with our computer cameras.

So now, in May, 2020, that 26-year-old question, “Where do I meet men?” hasn’t gone away. But it’s easier to answer now, because the choices that I can suggest are so few. And they are almost all virtual.

Maybe the answer to where to meet men is in the picture of the woman on the cover of my ebook below: Getting a magnifying glass and looking under rocks. By the way, for the next two weeks, I’ve dropped the price of this ebook to $0.99 (99 cents) on Smashwords for our Champs. It’s normally $3.99. To order a book on Smashwords.com, a person will need to get a personal account with Smashwords. It’s simple, just provide your email address and password. Write down your password for the next time you go to Smashwords. Here’s the link to order: https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . When that page opens, you will see six book covers, click on the one hat looks like this.

Hang in there, Champs. When socializing resumes, I look forward to hearing some positive stories of single seniors meeting online during this crisis, and how these senior singles finally got to meet face-to-face.

FOR NEXT WEEK: Let’s do a column on senior dating sites. Share your opinions, and experiences. I am getting questions that ask what are the best sites for our age group. So, help me write that column by emailing me (tompblake@gmail.com)

Why now is the PERFECT time to date

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior Dating during COVID-19 Pandemic
Christine Baumgarten, Champ and relationship coach, on why now—during the crisis–is a PERFECT time to date:

Christine said, “I’ve experienced the same challenge that people think they ‘can’t’ date right now. And what I’m clear about is, it’s the PERFECT time to date. People can meet virtually through Facetime, Skype, or Zoom. It’s the perfect way to get to know each other without the pressure or concern about getting ‘physical’ too soon.

“Also, one of the biggest complaints is when people meet in person, they don’t look like their picture. Now, you’ll confirm what they look like before you go through the effort to meet in person.

“There are so many fun things to do virtually, with a new person:

*Learn a new dance step – Country Line Dancing, Salsa, Square Dancing, etc.

*Read a book to each other

*Learn a language together

*Learn to play an instrument

*Pick a recipe and cook and eat together – Are you the type of person who needs a recipe (that’s me) or can you just look in your refrigerator and find a three-course meal (that was Tony, my deceased husband).

*Do a craft together – Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Does he know how to do something you’d like to learn? If you’re both learning something new, then you’ll get to see how you each deal with learning something new, with all the possible frustrations.

*Give each other a tour of your house (don’t give out your address) just a tour of the inside. Oh my, what will you learn about each other’s lifestyle!

“And as you are ‘doing’ all these things together you can ask the other person questions about his or her life to learn about his traits to determine if you’re a match and if you’ll eventually want to meet in person.

“I brought this point up in a Facebook thread and one person responded, ‘We’ll run out of things to talk about if we can’t meet in person.’

“And my response is, ‘If you run out of things to talk about with someone you’ve just met, then this is confirmation that you are not a match.’”

Comment from Tom: Christine, since you need a recipe to cook, try my Chicken Parmesan I shared with my sister! Ha!

Christine’s website: www.theperfectcatch.com

Contact Christine at christine@theperfectcatch.com

Senior Sex no time to waste

On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – May 8, 2020

The Letter – Senior Sex no time to waste

By Columnist Tom Blake

You may recall that last week’s eNewsletter was a bit off the wall. It featured a woman, age 30, who insisted on a six-month pre-marriage trial with her fiancé, age 59, where they slept together, but had no physical contact, no hand holding, not one hug or kiss. She considered the trial “a success.” They married.

After the wedding she was shocked to find out he wanted sex.

Her letter had been sent to me in 2001.

There were many, varied responses to her story. The first came from Mark, who said, “I believe you made this up to bring good cheer to your readers. Am I right?”

I replied: “Greta and I are out of town for a week. When I get back to Dana Point, I will scan her letter and send it to you.

“I found it in the garage in a box of old column stuff. Thought to myself, this can be a column someday.

“Letter is for real. Glad you enjoyed it.”

Mark said, “I didn’t doubt for a minute that the letter was real. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up!”

Mark’s right; I don’t have the imagination to create something like that. Here’s part of the actual letter:

The Letter – from 20 September 2001

Helen, Arizona, responded, “Thanks for the laugh. Oh me. Sometimes I wonder. Are there really people walking around our country like this? Wonder if she made the whole thing up? Doesn’t matter.

“Phil and I have been together since 2003 after meeting on the Net. Didn’t marry. We are 80 and 81 now. Times are not easy, but we are together. We are one of the couples you featured in your book all those years ago.”

Another response came from Laurie Jo: “I read your eNewsletter and had an immediate, strong reaction.

“Things like impotence can be an issue, but there are ways to work around that and other difficulties when we age. I feel happy that I can still ride my horse, do household chores, and walk without any problems.

“I have friends that have hip issues and things like cancer. My point is: why give up intimacy? Why forego or avoid a wonderful part of being alive and capable.”

Twice a widower, “after two good marriages,” John commented. “I’m nearly 80 and every time I think I’ve heard it all regarding love relationships, something comes along to prove me wrong—such as your article last week. The woman in the story must be totally unaware/naive about how the world works–at least pertaining to how men and women relate to each other physically.

“I’m still actively dating and looking for a life-partner. After several dates with a woman, and if it begins to look promising, we start digging down into the weeds of what we’re looking for in a relationship.

“Eventually, I ask if she is interested in a physical relationship. Or, is she just seeking a friend for movies and dinners? I ask because having a physical relationship remains important to me.

“To illustrate how difficult expectations can be, I met a woman on a dating site two years ago who lives three hours away by car. My thinking was, if we were a good fit, it would be worth the drive.

“It turned out she oversees the caregivers who tend to her disabled sister, about a 10-minute drive from my home. I started seeing her when she was in town once or twice a month for six months.

“Then, she invited me to visit her at her home. I spent two nights with her and slept in a separate bedroom; there was no physical contact during the stay. We saw each other on and off when she visited her sister for about a year.

“She continued pursuing me and invited me to her home again, for three nights. I accepted. (Separate bedrooms again.)

“We were watching a TV movie the second night and I attempted to hold her hand, but she was not receptive. At dinner, the third night, I asked her if she was looking for a physical relationship because some women are not.

“She erupted and said, ‘All men are looking for only one thing!’ With that comment, I promptly left.”

“We had no contact for six months when out of the blue she sent me an email apologizing for how she reacted and wanted to get together again. We did but, it was just not-to-be for me.”

An important point from John’s story, Laurie Jo’s comments, and Helen’s comments, even at 70 or 80, for seniors physical contact is important to many men–and women.

Lesson for dating seniors: It’s best to discuss each person’s sexual expectations in the early dating stages of a potential relationship. At 80, we don’t have any time to waste.

Message for Mark: I didn’t make this up either: Because this column is about a letter, and about not having time to waste, the song, “The Letter,” by The Box Tops, 1967, popped into my mind.

Lyrics

“Gimme a ticket to an aeroplane
Ain’t got time for a fast train
Lonely days are gone. I’m a-going home
My baby, just wrote me a letter”

Link to Box Tops song (click on open wide screen and then the red arrow to begin video ):
Link to song “The Letter”

Happy Mother’s Day

Older men dating younger women. “No. Don’t Publish it.”

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 1, 2020

by Newspaper Columnist Tom Blake

Older men dating younger women. “No. Don’t publish it.”

Cranking out 52 eNewsletters a year can be a challenge. Not to mention, 36 newspaper columns on top of that. So, when I receive information from someone that I feel might be of interest, beneficial or entertaining to readers, it helps to be able to use the information.

But, at times, I receive a communication with words like these: “This is very private information—to be shared only with you. No. don’t publish it.”

Some of those letters are two or three pages long. Often, with no paragraph breaks. Just one mass of information. Wading through them takes time.

I wonder what the authors of those letters expect. They want my opinion and time, but they don’t want me to use their information in articles.

When I mention they can remain anonymous, and not disclose their city, state, or identity, and mention that their info may benefit others, they still say “No. Don’t publish it.”

When I respond, “OK, I will answer your email, but since you asked me not to share it, please send me $100 for my time and expertise, before I proceed.” What happens?

In the old days when we had dial phones, I’d hear a click; the caller would hang up on me.

Now, in modern-email times, they simply don’t respond. And worse yet, if they are on our mailing list, they unsubscribe. Poof, they’re gone. Egad, I hate when that happens!

Today, I’m going to share a forbidden, “No. Don’t publish it” letter I received. I’ve been holding on to it for a while. Frankly, I’ve been dying to publish it, to share it with you Champs. The subject line: “Older men, younger women,” which is one of those hot-potato subjects.

Judy (Surprise! Judy is not her true name, I changed it.) wrote: “This is not for publication. When I was 30, I married a man 59.”

Of course, those few words got my attention, she married a man 29-years-older.

Sometimes, a 29-year age difference can work. Even in Portofino, Italy

Photo by Tom Blake

She continued, “He had been my doctor for seven years, and had developed, in that time, into a treasured friend. Since he looked and acted about 70 or 75, I had always assumed he was sort of a kindly grandfather figure.”

So, in effect, to her, he seemed 40 to 45 years older.

Judy said, “When his marriage broke up, he asked me to marry him. I agreed to be engaged and to live together, as sort of a trial, and if that worked out, I would marry him.”

My thought: the trial was probably to see if they coexisted mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Judy added, “It worked out beautifully. We enjoyed each other’s company, slept together for six months, but without any sexual advances on either of our parts. He never kissed me or held my hand. (Sounds like the social distancing at home we are experiencing now). With that success behind us, we married.”

Interesting story, I thought. Made for each other, despite the age difference. But, not so.

Judy wrote, “Well, that was the end of the happy times. After the wedding, his true-self came out. HE WANTED SEX, which came as a surprise to me!

“Before marrying, I should have asked if he was expecting sex. If so, I would have declined. (He said I shouldn’t have married him if I felt that way).

“Well, luckily, my marriage to him brought every young, pretty gold-digger from miles around, out of the walls. They probably thought the reason I married him was because he was wealthy. (He wasn’t rich; he couldn’t manage money and was in debt).

“He left me to marry one of the young gold-diggers who came on to him. Now, he’s her problem, right?”

Signed, “No Name”

This letter I place in the “Entertainment” category. I’m completely baffled by it. And since she didn’t hang around long enough to hear my opinions, I’ll share them with you.

A few questions and observations:

What were each of them thinking? How can two people be engaged for six months, sleep in the same bed, never kiss, never hold hands and find that to be a successful result?” I wonder what her definition of success was. No sex? Zip? Zero? Nada?

Judy said, “Now, he’s her problem, right?” Well, maybe not. The new one might have enjoyed having sex with him.

Judy thought him to be a kindly, grandfather figure, who acted 70 to 75. Did she think a guy in that age range didn’t want sex? I’ve got news for her.

Did the good doctor think if he didn’t make advances for six months that getting married would unlock the door for post-wedding-day sex? I think a one-hour, pre-engagement conversation/agreement could have saved him six months of anticipation and licking his chops.

Since he was in debt and had no money, what was appealing to her about a 29-year-older man? Something is wrong with this picture.

One thing is clear: I understand why she didn’t want this published or her identity disclosed. If people she knew heard her story, they would have thought she had lost her marbles. They still might.

As I said, I’ve been dying to share this with you for a while. I think I’ve waited long enough. This letter was hand-written to me on September 22, 2001.

Now that I’ve finally published it, I will sleep a little easier. And, while sleeping easier, there will be no social distancing.

Senior Dating Does Age Matter? And, Ghosts on a ghost ship

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – April 17, 2020

Senior Dating Does Age Matter – See Part 2 below

Columnist Tom Blake

Part One

“It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship.”
It could have been us.

The words, “It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship” caught the attention of Champs Ron, and his wife, Lee, this past Tuesday, in an online article on Bloomberg.com, about two ships dealing with the COVID-19 virus.

The reason Ron and Lee took an interest in the article was that they, and Greta, and I , were discussing the current situation in the cruise-ship industry, including the ordeal of those same two ships, during Happy Hour last Saturday afternoon.

“Happy Hour?
Last Saturday?
Four People Together?”

How could that be?

In California, where the four of us live, bars and restaurants are closed, except for take out, and people are supposed to be staying home.

Yes, the discussion took place during Happy Hour, where the two couples were telephone face-timing each other from their respective homes.

Three days later, on Tuesday, Ron and Lee read the online Bloomberg news article in which, Claudia Osiani, 64, of Mar del Plata, Argentina, in a phone interview from her cabin on the Holland America cruise ship, ms Rotterdam, was quoted: “It’s like we are ghosts on a ghost ship. We just want to go home.”

During Happy Hour, I had mentioned the sorry plight of the ms Rotterdam and ms Zaandam. In the same breath, I said how fortunate Greta and I were to not be on one of those two ships. Why in particular those two ships?

Well, Greta and I love to travel. More specifically, we love to travel on cruise ships. Our adopted cruise ship company is the Holland America Line (HAL). All the cruises we have taken have been on HAL vessels, except one Viking river cruise and one short Princess ocean cruise.

On HAL, we are what’s called 4-star mariners, which means we’ve logged a lot of sea days (245) on multiple HAL ocean cruises.

When you spend an extended time on a cruise ship, you start to feel the ship is your friend. You trust it. You trust the captain and the crew. When a cruise ends, and you say good-bye to the crew, there’s a tug on your heart because they’ve become your friends, and you realize you probably won’t see them again.

The ship in the HAL fleet that feels most like home to us is the ms Rotterdam. In 2010, we rode her from San Diego to Lima, Peru, and back for 30 days, stopping in several ports along the way.

In 2013, we boarded the Rotterdam again, this time for 32 days, cruising from Amsterdam to the Canary Islands, back to Amsterdam, and then to Russia, Estonia and Sweden.

ms Rotterdam visiting Lerwick, Sheltland Islands 2019 photo by Tom

Our third trip on the Rotterdam was last August, from Amsterdam to Iceland, Greenland and Scotland for 22 days. One of our Champs, Marilou, and a friend of hers, Pat, were, by coincidence, on that cruise.

Champ Marilou, Tom, Pat, and Greta photo by Tom

Other HAL ships we’ve taken include the ms Zaandam in 2017, for 34 days, from San Diego, around South America to Rio.

ms Zaandam in Ushuaia, Argentina in 2017 – southernmost city in world photo by Tom

In 2018, we were on the ms Amsterdam, the Rotterdam’s sister ship, for 82 days, traveling from Los Angeles throughout the Far East and back. We visited 34 ports, three of which were in China, including a visit to the Great Wall of China. We traveled on trains and buses in Shanghai, mingling with hundreds, if not thousands, of Chinese citizens. We stayed healthy on that trip.

As the COVID-19 crisis started to evolve, Greta and I watched closely what was happening with cruise ships. We visualized passengers being quarantined to 392-square feet staterooms, some with no windows. Ships in all parts of the world were being affected.

We were saddened to hear that the Zaandam was not allowed to stop in a port in Chile because a virus had infected passengers. Four died. Some of the sick, not all, had COVID-19.

The Zaandam made its way to the Panama Canal but wasn’t allowed to transit through to get back to Florida—too many sick passengers on board.

And then, our old pal, the Rotterdam was sent to assist the Zaandam off the Panamanian coast. Oh my gosh, there they were—two Holland America ships that had been home to us for a combined total of 118 days—caught in the heart of the virus outbreak.

When we saw pictures on the news of those two ships stranded together, we looked at each other, saying, “It could have been us.”

Thankfully, the Zaandam and Rotterdam were finally allowed to traverse the Panama Canal, and, received permission to dock in Port Everglades, Florida.

Greta and I have always been impressed with how careful HAL has been with sanitation. Hand sanitizers placed throughout the ship. Constant reminders to wash hands. Staying in your stateroom if sick. Spraying passengers’ hands when leaving and returning to the gangplank. They are perfectionists for health; we always appreciated the crew going that extra mile.

Travel agents have been crushed by COVID-19. Airline travel down 96 percent. Hotels 80 percent empty. Cruising on hold. When things get back to normal, give them a call. They will be anxious to return to work, as the rest of the world will be.

Greta and I will be traveling again someday, and we’ll be cruising. We hope all of you will give your travel agents the green light to book you on a trip—maybe even a cruise. Trust me, the cruise ship companies will ensure those sea-going beauties will be sanitized from bow to stern and back again.

Here is the Bloomberg.com article link about the ms Rotterdam and ms Zaandam ordeal to which Ron and Lee alerted us:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-12/some-who-endured-pandemic-at-sea-spend-easter-on-ghost-ship?utm_campaign=news&utm_medium=bd&utm_source=applenews

Part 2 – Tom has created a new ebook

With so much spare time over the last few weeks, I got busy creating a new ebook, titled, “Senior Dating: Does Age Matter?” That book is now on the Smashwords.com website, the largest ebook bookstore in the world. It’s all about age and the age difference in senior dating. One chapter features women and what they have to say about age in dating.

Some Champs are quoted in the book.

Another chapter is titled “Cougars.” And another features what men say. Yes, it’s a hot-potato book with controversy. The cost is $2.99. But, I’ve created a 50-percent-off coupon for Champs which will be available for a week. The coupon code is: SC87U

To download the book, click on this link:. https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . You will see the new ebook cover on the top row. Click on it and click on purchase. Enter in the coupon code box this code SC87U. Your net cost will be $1.50.

The couple on the left: Champs Chris and Tina and Tom and Greta on the right

After you read it, I would appreciate your comments.

Six Incredible Women

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – April 10, 2020

Six Incredible Women

by Tom P Blake

Part 1 – Off the top of my head

What the heck do bloggers write about during a pandemic, besides strictly pandemic news? After 26 years and 4,000 articles, columns and eNewsletters, I never thought I’d be tongue-tied.

But, I am, sort of. Do you really need to be reminded to appreciate your mate and your friends? Do you need to be reminded to beware of romance scams? (Well, one more COVID-19 related scam. See Part 2 below). Do you need to hear my suggestions about senior first date behavior?

No, because while we are all mainly staying home, I doubt if any face-to-face first dates are taking place across our Champ nation.

Persevere Champs. This pandemic will make us wiser and tougher. You men and women are an incredible group. I have vast admiration and respect for you.

There are people out there who need you, your guidance, support and friendship. They are friends, family and strangers.

We must persevere.

Part 2 – More on bank and credit card scams during these difficult times

Champ Loretta, who works for a bank, added to last week’s eNewsletter scam-warning by Citi Bank of fake bank and credit card email scams:

Loretta wrote: “Please note that one should always check the site name in your browser. That is the line that should start https:/

“If the site is not https:/ don’t click. It’s that simple. Many scams are not secure sites. Start there. Then check spelling.

“Go to your bank website and send them an email to their secure site. Whatever you do, don’t provide personal details from an unsolicited text or “Official” seeming email.

“I work for a bank; Internally, as a test, the cyber security department will send us fake emails seeking for people to click. This testing is done to reduce potential phishing and enabling scammers access to bank systems. If we click inappropriately, then we must take a refresher test. Takes 45 minutes to an hour. We have learned: Don’t click if you are rushing. Don’t click or respond if you haven’t reached out to your bank in another manner like their web site with https:/”

Part 3 – “In loving arms”

This is a newspaper column I wrote about an experience I encountered three weeks ago in Dana Point, California, my home city. I felt it would be a nice diversion from the 24/7 bombardment of bad news we’ve all been receiving surrounding the virus. It’s called:

Six amazing women

Saturday, March 21, 2020, was a beautiful day in Dana Point. After being quarantined inside their homes for most of the week, people had a nice opportunity to get some sunshine, exercise and fresh air, while maintaining a six-foot distance from others. At that time, it was permissible to be outside, while avoiding close contact with people.

That morning, my Stand Up Paddle Boarding (SUP) buddy, Russell Kerr, and I decided to paddle from Baby Beach in Dana Point Harbor to Doheny Beach in the Pacific Ocean, and back, about a mile and a half in each direction. Not bad for an 80-year-old dude, and a 72-year-old Kiwi (New Zealander).

Stand Up Paddle Boarding Tom and Russell Kerr in Dana Point Harbor

Near the harbor mouth, we saw what we thought was a two-foot log bobbing in the water.

(As many paddle boarders and kayakers do, we pick up trash and debris that floats in our waters. Normally, one of us would slide the log on to our paddle board, and, bring it ashore. A log like that, if struck by a boat, could damage the propeller or punch a hole in the boat. We often arrive back to the beach with lots of retrieved plastic garbage on our boards, which we discard in the trash bins.)

Upon closer inspection of the object, we saw that it wasn’t a log—it was a baby sea lion. And it was struggling to get breaths and stay afloat.

We hoped it could make it to a rock on the nearby jetty, 20 yards away. Plus, we saw three adult sea lions about 50 yards away, thinking one might be its mother.

Both of us being age 72-plus, we thought it not a good idea to try to rescue it by hand. Sea lions have razor-sharp teeth, and a bite could have compromised our immune systems during the COVID-19 outbreak.

We looked for help; there were no boats around. We felt there was nothing we could do. Leaving that pup behind broke my heart, and Russell was troubled as well.

Back at Baby Beach, after paddling, we saw a Pacific Marine Mammal Center (PMMC) rescue truck pull up.

Two PMMC women, Krysta and Wendy, scurried to the shoreline carrying a blanket.

The sea lion was laying on the paddle board of Candice Appleby, San Clemente, a nearby city. Quickly, Krysta and Wendy put the pup in a blanket and whisked the pup away to the PMMC truck to take it to the rescue center in Laguna Beach, five miles up Pacific Coast Highway

Candice Appleby with baby sea lion on her paddle board

Photo courtesy of Val Ells

From a distance, I introduced myself to the woman who rescued the sea lion, and told her I was a columnist for three newspapers and asked what had happened out there on the water.

She said her name was Candice Appleby, a resident of San Clemente. She explained that she is a SUP coach and had been out in the ocean instructing a client. She said, “When we came back inside the harbor mouth, I saw three women kneeling on their paddle boards.

“One was my friend Val Ells, Dana Point, (who happens to volunteer at PMMC), and another was Lisa Hazelton, San Clemente. I don’t know who the third woman was.

“Val yelled to me that there was a sick seal pup there and they were trying to get it on a board.

“I paddled over and was able to get it on the back of my board. Val had her cell phone with her, so she called ahead to the PMMC, and was told a rescue truck was being dispatched to Baby Beach.

“When I got back to Baby Beach, the rescue workers were distressed that it was such ‘a baby.’ They rushed off with her.”

I was impressed with the humanitarian act of those six women—four on the water plus the two from the PMMC.

Another woman, standing a few feet away, commented, “Candice is a world-champion paddle boarder.”

“Is that true?” I asked Candice. She humbly admitted she had won The Dana Point Battle of the Paddle/Pacific Paddle Games nine times (a very big accomplishment among paddle boarders, the world over). I asked for her website address:

https://www.candiceappleby.com/herstory.

I was amazed to discover, when checking out her website, that Candice is probably the greatest woman paddle boarder in the world.

In the midst of the COVID-19 dark news, where hundreds of thousands of people across the country and around the world are risking their lives to try to save the sick, these six women were a bright light with their heart-warming act of kindness, in trying to save this precious little sea lion.

And, as we are learning during COVID-19, lots of people can’t be saved. Candice forwarded to me this news from Wendy and Kathy at the PMMC later that afternoon:

“Sad News: I am very sorry to report but sadly she passed. Our team worked on her for three hours straight. She was very emaciated and hypothermic. Her lungs sounded terrible.

“But we wanted to let you know she died in warm loving arms.”

I admit, my eyes watered. Sad news indeed, but on the positive side, six incredible Orange County women had tried to save this little sea lion.

The PMMC is a charity. They exist on donations. I sent one; they appreciated it. https://www.pacificmmc.org/

We’ll get through COVID-19—because of people like these six women and all the workers, women and men, who are involved in the virus battle: Dedicated, willing to give of themselves and risking their own health to save others.

However, there won’t be paddle boarding for a while—the beaches and beach parking lots in Southern California are closed.

As I was finishing today’s eNewsletter, I glanced at my desk-top calendar, which has a photo of animals next to each month, to check today’s date, and noticed, under the month of April, that featured two baby rabbits, a quote by Anatole France:

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” Wow, so true.

Part 4 – Free Ebook coupon

Almost 30 of you downloaded the free copy of my ebook, “Italy 23 Days by Train,” on http://www.Smashwords.com. The offer is valid for another week. It’s simple to do, well, a couple of you had some difficultly, but overall, it went pretty smoothly. Go to the Smashwords website, search on Tom Blake, you will see my books, click on the “Italy 23 Days by Train” cover. Where it says, Purchase, click on that but enter the coupon code: LP83M. You will not be charged and can download it or read it online. Enjoy

See you next week.

Senior scam alert. And free ebook. And beloved ship sinks

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 3 2020

Senior scam alert. And free ebook. And beloved ship sinks

by Columnist Tom Blake

You’d think with the extra time we have on our hands during this stay-at-home restriction we are all under, that writing an eNewsletter would be easy. But, it’s not.

Dating and seeking a potential mate isn’t a top priority for older singles at the moment. Evidence of that? Normally, I receive several comments and questions from Champs about dating and relationships, but those have slowed to a trickle.

I did receive many positive comments responding to last week’s “Beware of scams” article. I appreciate that

Two new scams came to my attention this week. The first was chilling, downright scary.

Scam one – I read about this on a KVVU-TV, Las Vegas, online press release, written by Ashley Cooper. A Las Vegas couple in their mid-20s posted an ad on a dating site. Details weren’t available regarding what site or what the ad said. It might have been an ad for a Menage a trois (a threesome).

A Las Vegas man (age not disclosed) took the bait. He went to the couple’s house where they robbed and killed him.

According to Ms. Cooper’s article, a friend of the woman tipped off police. The couple was seen leaving her home and arrested. These admittedly are skimpy details, but still, how careless, not to mention getting close to strangers during this COVID-19 crisis.

We all know to never meet a stranger face-to-face without doing a background check, and, be sure your friends know where you are meeting and with whom. But, to go to someone’s home, having never met the person, is asking for trouble, which is what the victim got.

Scam two: Even Citi Bank is posting scam alerts on their website for Visa cards. Here is a message on their website:

“We recently discovered a new text message scam and wanted to make sure you’re armed with everything you need to know to avoid falling victim to it. This scam involves sending text messages alerting you that your account has been blocked, along with a link to log into your Citi account. This link takes you to a fraudulent website, and when you log in, your Citi online user ID and password will be compromised.

“Awareness and education are your best defenses against scams

“Text communications from Citi typically do not show a complete phone number as the sender of the text. Shorter codes of 5 or 6 digits are usually used by Citi and could be displayed with or without dashes (for instance, 410-98 or 248487) If you see a full phone number as the sender of the text, this may be a scam. Please confirm the message is legitimate before taking any action.

“In addition, when we send a text with a link to log in to your account directly from the text, the link will always include citi.com or citibank.com. Be aware of other variations, like additional punctuation or abbreviations.”

Part 2, So, what have I been doing?

I can’t go Stand Up Paddle Boarding. Baby Beach and the adjacent parking lot and other beaches in Southern California are closed. Previously, when I’ve paddled, one of the sites I enjoy seeing is Dana Point’s tall ship “Pilgrim.” It’s been docked at Baby Beach for years, sort of the symbol of Dana Point. Can’t even do that anymore. Here’s why:

Photo courtesy of Ron Cohan

Hopefully, she will be salvaged and float again.

One project I’m working on is updating my ebooks on the www.Smashwords.com website. Smashwords is the world’s largest ebook-bookstore. Anybody can post their books there and market them at almost no cost. I have eight ebooks available on Smashwords. Two of those eight needed editing so that’s what I’ve been working on.

One is “Widower dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field?” It’s one of my most popular ebooks as widows, widowers and women dating widowers have downloaded it. I spent a few hours reworking that book and lowered the price is $2.99.

The other book that needed updating was: “Italy 23 Days by Train.” This book features a trip to Italy that Greta and I took in 2008. It has 98 photos (that’s pretty staggering by itself). It was fun reliving that trip, which included Northern Italy (Milan, Genoa and Cinque Terre), Southern Italy (Rome, Capri, Sorrento, Amalfi, Naples) and Tuscany. (Florence, Siena, Assisi).

While working on that book, this thought crossed my mind: how different Italy is today under the CORONA-19 crisis: empty streets, restaurants and tourist sites closed, people sick, dying and people quarantined. What a tragedy.

Then I thought, “Why not–during this time when we are self-quarantined at home–invite our Champs to view what Italy was like at its finest in 2008? Why not let them download the ebook, Italy 23 days by Train for no cost for a couple of weeks? So, that’s what I am doing. Here’s what you do.

-Go to www.smashwords.com and search on Tom Blake. That will take you to my ebook page. Click on “Italy 23 Days by Train.”

Click on the purchase button and then insert this free coupon number: LP83M

You can download that fun book with its 98 pictures and enjoy it. For Kindle readers, download it in the Mobi format. Others might have to download in epub format. You can also send it to your email address, and open it from there.

The free coupon will be valid from today, April 3, until April 17.

If you have trouble downloading it, on the Smashwords page, you can click on “Online Reader” and read online without downloading it.

If you have questions or issues with the download, email me at tompblake@gmail.com.

If any of you are thinking of publishing a book, Smashwords.com is an incredible website for publishing ebooks. Take a look on how detailed and informative their style guide is. Ebooks outsell printed books now, in this day of electronic communications.

And then, when the world gets rid of this deadly virus, perhaps you’ll want to go visit the incredible Italy that Greta and I were blessed to see and experience.

Part 2 Why Greta and I are thankful

During this virus, it’s hard to find a silver lining. Let me tell you one of the reasons we are thankful.

We had planned to take a 10-day Amtrak train trip to Seattle and back to visit Greta’s niece and my cousin, who both live in the Seattle area. Tickets were paid for, hotel reservations made. We were leaving March 7. About a week before, the virus was cropping up in Seattle. We had the common sense to cancel our trip—or at least postpone it—until the virus goes away. We are so thankful that we didn’t go.

Stay well, be positive, help people in need, but keep your distance. Remember, there are lots of lonely seniors out there. Give them a call or send them a text or email.

And speaking of reaching out to old friends, on Tuesday, I telephoned astronaut Joe Allen, a former fraternity brother of mine I’ve known for 63 years, who is living in Indiana.

Joe’s a former astronaut, who went into space twice, in 1982 and 1984. In an EVA (extravehicular activity), also known as a spacewalk, conducted outside of the spacecraft, Joe retrieved a satellite. And held it, as the spacecraft traversed the earth. Pretty courageous stuff.

We talked for over an hour. It gave us both a big lift.

Picture of Joe Allen (upper right) and crew members – Space Shuttle 51-A

Photo courtesy of NASA

So that’s it for this week. The world will get through this enormous challenge.

Scams target seniors during COVID-19

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 27, 2020

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Scams target seniors during the COVID-19 crisis

As always happens during challenging times when the public is concerned and confused, and therefore vulnerable–as we are now amidst this COVID-19 crisis–scammers come out of the woodwork to try to steal our money. Be aware. Trust your instincts.

One example: a text comes into your phone or a message into your email saying something like, “Your $1,200 assistance check is ready!” Don’t click on the link. They want your information and will attempt to steal your assets.

Another message example: “Some people you’ve been in contact with have tested positive for the COVID-19. We are not at liberty to give you their names. You need to take antibiotics immediately and the good news is they are free. You only must pay shipping and handling. Click on the link, fill in your payment information and we will ship your protection today.”

It’s bogus, antibiotics won’t stop the virus, at least that hasn’t been proven yet.

A third example: a message claiming to be from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) or WHO (the World Health Organization), saying you must prepay to receive a virus test in the mail. Again, don’t fall for it.

Or, they may offer free face masks, if you just pay shipping and handling.

If you must contact the CDC, or any other entity, go directly to their website. Again, do not click on links.

And with so many people sheltering at home, they have more time to be online and to online date. Which leads to more romance scams. I want to share with you briefly one romance scam that has been brought to my attention.

Remember, widows can be especially vulnerable and are the ones usually targeted.

Anatomy of a Senior Romance Scam

One of our Florida Champs shared a story this week on how a widow friend of hers in Florida, in her 70s, has fallen hook, line and sinker for a romance scam that’s preposterous. I will share a few of the details and point out some red flags.

The scammer reached her through an online dating site. First red flag, he’s working overseas, but he’ll be back in the states soon.

They’ve never met in person, never talked on the phone and have never skyped. So, she’s dealing with someone who could be anybody–a man, a woman, a child.

He has slowly gained her confidence. He said he had gifts for her; she gave him her snail mail address. Yes, some refrigerator magnets, one with a heart and an arrow through it, that said “I love you” at the bottom. But, now he knows exactly where she lives..

He is working her for as long as it takes. Our Champ is trying to bring sense to her widow friend, but, the widow is lonely and this scammer is playing that to the hilt. He is likely working multiple potential victims at the same time, knowing if he can fool just a few, he’ll be rich or at least make lots of money.

Here is an abbreviated copy of an email the scammer sent (her name changed). The scammer may have got his identity from someone he found on Wikipedia. I did not edit his grammar mistakes:

“Dear Sally, …You asked who I really am. I’m Admiral James Jones, a retired Navy Admiral and I was born November 11, 1954. I was a Captain of an aircraft carrier before I retired. I’m on a secret mission in the Middel East, which I can’t discuss it. I will be returning to the United States within the next few months and want to visit you in Florida.

Sally, I think I told you that my wife and I are divorced. We have two children, James Jr. and Felina. Both are married. They live near Boston.”

Red flag: He says he thinks he told her that he is divorced.” He’s likely dealing with so many potential victims at the same time he can’t even remember what he told her.

“Sally, I’m happy that you now know who I really am. I didn’t want to tell you the truth before because I didn’t want to be bragging that I am a high ranking military official. I’m sorry if I lied to you. Also, the Navy doesn’t want revealed details of the secret mission I’m on. (hint: it’s repositioning oil tankers)

I know we both want love for each other. I’m so relieved now I don’t have to pretend I’m someone else. I hope you understand. When we are together, I can give you more details.

When I step off that airplane when I return to the states, I will propose to you right then. OK? Ha Ha!

I love you so much.

Sincerely,

Jose

Tom’s comments:
Here’s what the scammer might actually look like.

Caregivers need to have big hearts — **This could be the Admira**l

And why did the Fake sign his name as “Jose,” not James? Probably because when they first met online he used the name Jose.

And the scammer’s grammar is atrocious. Senior romance scammers are usually from foreign countries.

Plus, the scammer admits he lied to Sally early on.

People who say they’re working overseas in the military or on oil rigs, or for big companies—huge red flags.

Our Champ hopes to change her friend’s mind.

I don’t want any of our Champs to ever be scammed. Also, be skeptical of any COVID-19 related communication that requires paying money or submitting one’s personal information.

##
A reminder, the Meet and Greet for March in Dana Point has been cancelled. Probably April also.

Widow and widower LAT relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 20, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Widow and widower LAT relationship (living apart together)

Nearly half our Champs are widowed. They tell me they’d prefer meeting another widowed person because they’d both be able to relate to what the other has been through.

Today’s story is about a widow and a widower who reside in a small Midwestern city. They did not meet online; they met at a Meetup.com gathering.

As a member of our “Finding Love After 50” Facebook group, our Champ had read about Meetup.com and decided to try to initiate a new social life in his own town. He joined a group that had dinner together once a week.

At his first dinner, he saw a woman of interest to him, but she left before he could talk to her. She had also noticed him. A week later, she emailed him to see how he was getting along. But, several weeks went by; she didn’t attend another dinner.

He decided to email her and found that she had been away at her summer home.

It took them a few months to get together. When they first met in person, it wasn’t on a date. They met to discuss starting a widower and widow Meetup.com group in their city. Soon, they took an interest in each other. They found they loved many of the same things, such as being outdoors and enjoying nature.

They’ve been a couple for four years.

Today, how they approach their relationship

Gordon wrote, “My lady and I are in a LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship.

“We live less than 10 miles apart, we both own our homes, no mortgages, we have our own retirement/pension funds, and healthcare. We both have one grown, married child and each of us lost our spouses at a young age, after long illnesses and caring for them.

“Robin, (not her true name), my partner, is 10-years-younger than I and our previous lifestyles were much different. We have found that each of us has much to contribute to the other and can enhance each of our lives.

“She was married to a faculty member of a large university and I retired from a small community college, after 23 years in the Navy. We love being around the water and swimming.

“What makes it work for us is that each of us has embraced the other’s background and experience.

“I like to kayak, fish on a trout stream, hike and she has embraced that and now we both enjoy kayaking, boating, hikes, and being out of doors. She says she might even go fishing with me. I have taken up photography and editing photographs, her interests, and we take frequent trips to photograph and enjoy the out of doors.

“We do not agree on everything–such as politics. One is conservative, the other is liberal. We believe that our relationship is much more important than debating or arguing our political viewpoints.

“We want to live life to the fullest every day with a smile–in the time we have. Friends and family tell us that we are always doing something and comment they wish they would live as we do.

“We enjoy the smallest of things as well as the bigger adventures and never fail to stop smiling or take a single day for granted.

“One of our greatest claims to life since meeting is that we have never laughed so hard that tears flowed and our stomachs ache. We define love as happiness.

“Re: living together. As long as we are in good health, and, can do so, we will likely not live under the same roof; although, we periodically do when we go to her summer house for a week or two, travel to different places for vacations, or on overnight trips.

“We both enjoy our ‘days off,’ as we call them, to just rest up at our own homes for a day or two, enjoy our own space, and spend time the way each of us chooses independently. We also have household chores to get done.

“We see each other five to six days a week; those could be the entire day or as little as meeting at the gym in the morning.”

“We also go out for a cocktail, a music event, community activities, and take frequent car rides in the area in which we live and love.

“Robin has numerous girl friends that she periodically gets together with and I have hobbies including RC airplane building and flying, fishing, and other things I do on my own or with the few men friends I have.

“I dated numerous ladies prior to meeting Robin. She waited over two years after her husband’s death to begin dating. I was her first date after losing her husband.

“One thing that became very important and refreshing with Robin and I was the immediate understanding that our previous marriages were real (mine 41 years, hers 38 years) and would never go away. That the love we had then was lasting; although, we both learned very quickly that our new relationship was equally as good, different, and strong.

“We both understood our previous lives could not be forgotten and would not be relived. Yes, we both brought our share of baggage to the relationship and it had to be sorted and discarded.

“I have spent time with her husband’s family and she with mine. My son, soon after meeting Robin, announced to her that they really liked her and welcomed her into the fold. Her daughter was much slower to understand that her mother could have another relationship, but with time she is beginning to do so.”

Tom’s comment: A LAT relationship isn’t for all senior couples. A big issue: affordability. In a LAT, each will have an assortment of household expenses. Whereas, when couples live together, they will likely share or divvy up household expenses, including mortgage payments, property taxes and utilities, reducing the cost to each person.

The decision to live together should not be made solely because it’s more affordable. All the values we always considered important still are the first and most important considerations. Saving money can be the frosting on the cake.

Part 2

Reminder: No Meet and Greet this month in Dana Point.

On Tuesday, St. Patrick’s Day, my usual Stand Up Paddle Boarding buddy and I went paddling. It was a beautiful day and we made it a point to be six-feet away from each other. I felt it was safe to leave the house. He wore this St. Patrick’s Day outfit. Lots of pictures were taken of him by people walking the sidewalks while we paddled. One young child was with her parents. She yelled to him, “What’s your name?”

My New Zealand paddling buddy, Russell Kerr, on St. Patrick’s Day

He replied, “St. Patrick.” The young child responded happily. So, thanks, Russell, for putting so many smiles on people’s faces during this somber time.

Also, because many people are self-quarantined, it can get lonely. Call your pals and have phone conversations. That can help. Encouraging news: A Trader Joe’s employee told me they will not run out of wine. Hurray!

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 13, 2020

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash, an elegant, long-time friend

by Columnist Tom Blake

On Saturday night, March 7, I had a reunion with an elegant, long-time friend. I’ve written about her before, after seeing her at previous reunions. This reunion was so special, I was moved to share it with readers.

Don’t get the wrong idea. My partner of 22 years, Greta, was at my side. And as a special treat to me, so were my sisters Pam and Christine.

The reunion took place at the intimate and wonderful Poway Center for the Performing Arts, located in the quaint city of Poway, California, 23 miles northeast of San Diego, and about an hour’s drive from our home in south Orange County.

And why do I refer to it as a reunion? Because I’ve known this woman for 43 years, met her when she was about 21. Her name is Rosanne Cash, a multi-Grammy Award winner, and a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame.

And if her last name has a familiar ring, it’s because Rosanne is the eldest daughter of the late Johnny Cash. That connection is how I met her.

In the mid-1970s, when I was the marketing director for the boxcar and caboose Victoria Station restaurant chain, I hired Johnny and worked with him for two years. He was our company spokesperson and sang our radio commercials. I also co-produced the Destination Victoria Station record album with Johnny Cash.

Needless to say, on the album, Johnny did 99.9 percent of the work; I just approved the songs that were featured on the album. He did the singing.

In July 1989, my sister Pam and I were photographed with Johnny, at Humphreys by the Bay in San Diego, a cozy concert venue next to the water with a plethora of yachts berthed alongside.

Tom Johnny Cash Pam Blake Peters

July 19, 1989, at Humphreys by the Bay – San Diego

When I published “Middle Aged and Dating Again,” my first book in 1997, Johnny endorsed the back cover with these words:

“In the 20 years I have known Tom Blake, he has become an authority on dating and relationships.”

I’m not sure how Johnny knew that, but I happily accepted his endorsement.

Because my sister Pam was with us last Saturday night, I printed out a copy of that 31-year-old photo of us with Johnny and gave it to Rosanne backstage after the show Saturday night.

Handing the above photo to Rosanne

Minutes later, a new photo was taken of Pam, Chris, Rosanne, me and Greta.

Pam Christine Rosanne Tom Greta

March 7, 2020, Poway Center for the Performing Arts

In the last ten years, Greta and I have seen Rosanne, along with her husband/co-writer/producer and arranger John Leventhal, in concert five times, including last Saturday.

When Leventhal saw us backstage Saturday night, he said, “And who are you guys?” I surmised that Rosanne hadn’t briefed John that the Blake clan would be visiting backstage.

John Leventhal and Tom’s sister Christine

The Poway Center for the Performing Arts is a fun place in which to see a concert. It’s small, 797 seats. The ushers are pleasant, friendly and helpful. Michael Rennie, President and CEO of Poway OnStage, greeted us warmly and was accommodating by leading us backstage after the performance.

Check out their website for upcoming shows: www.PowayOnStage.org. And, unheard of these days, the parking is free!

The audience was mesmerized by Rosanne. Her voice is clear and beautiful. Her stage presence and mannerisms are gentle and polished. Her songs are personal, sang as if she’s telling a story that she experienced.

Leventhal is a master guitar player and joins in on limited vocals. He and Rosanne have been married 25 years. They have fun together on stage. They played without an intermission for 90 minutes.

It’s evident that Rosanne loves the United States; she mentioned unity for our country several times. My sisters were deeply moved by her performance.

She sang “Ode to Billie Joe,” as beautifully as Bobbie Gentry did, when Gentry made it a hit in 1967. At the song’s conclusion, Rosanne said, “That song was recorded 53-years-ago, and people are still trying to figure out what Billie Joe was throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.” Her comment triggered a huge laugh from the audience.

Rosanne’s rendition of “The Long Black Veil” was spellbinding. She sang “Tennessee Flat Top Box,” which her dad wrote, and she performed “Sea of Heartbreak,” an old Don Gibson tune.

She ended the concert with her 1981 hit song “Seven Year Ache.”

The applause brought she and hubby John back for an encore; she sang “Wayfaring Stranger” from the Ken Burns 2019 Country Music documentary, a tune her father had also made popular.

Add a future Rosanne Cash concert to your bucket list, it will be one of the most enjoyable 90 minutes of your life.

Her website: www.RosanneCash.com.

END

This article appeared in an edited version of the online edition of the San Clemente Times newspaper on March 18, 2020. Scroll to page 17: http://www.sanclementetimes.com