On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 23, 2021
by columnist Tom Blake
Senior Dating: Seniors should never give up on love (and intimacy)
(marriage in their 80s?)
After last week’s eNewsletter was published, Ginny, Delaware County, PA emailed, “I wrote to you two years ago to encourage single senior women to ‘Get out there, have fun, and not give up looking for a good man.’ I’m doing that again today!
“I met my boyfriend Harry seven years ago. In the first few years, when I or others occasionally brought up the subject of marriage to him, he reminded me and them that he had told me early on to he wasn’t going to remarry. So, I, like some of your readers (Champs), had a big decision to make based partly on the availability-of-men statistics: Stay or leave?”
Ginny decided to stay. She continued: “I fell for him (had seen him in church while we were both married). I left that church.
“Fifteen years later, both of us having recently lost our spouses, we met at the senior center and started dating right away. “We are active, fun-loving, and healthy, Christians who are very much in love and are looking forward to having a ‘complete’ relationship.
“Life is full of surprises! Now, at ages 80 (me) and 87 (Harry), he has changed his mind and wants to marry me. We live three minutes apart. We are both widowed after long marriages; he was happily married, me not happily married.
“To further encourage us to marry, my brother, 74, a widower of eight years, is also ‘tying the knot’ this year with a lovely woman age 69, whom he met two years ago on the Match website.”
I responded to Ginny: “Why do you think he changed his anti-marriage stance at age 87? Why get married now? The decision ‘to stay or go’ you made, worked out for you. I’m happy you didn’t leave him. “Who will move? What does a complete relationship mean? “A senior center is a good place for seniors to find a mate.”
Ginny replied, “I plan on asking him soon why he changed his mind. We are going to have a LAT marriage. I go visit him almost every evening now. After we marry, instead of coming home each night, I will come home the next morning. When I originally suggested this, years ago, he said ‘No way.’ I suspect he wasn’t ready.
“Harry had been married to his high school sweetheart for 59 years when she died of cancer, after being diagnosed five years before.
“We will have a senior prenup also. We both have children and grandchildren. Our money will stay separate.
“What I mean by a senior complete relationship is that now we will be able to have sex. Because of our faith, we agreed years ago to abstain unless married. It was difficult.
“Eight years ago, at age 72, I was widowed. I decided I wasn’t going to just join women’s groups, so I found the local senior center. It is a ‘happening place.’ I am now on the council there. I first spotted Harry shooting pool. He recognized me right away.
“Several times later, I checked out the pool room where the men hung out. They were very welcoming to me, and there was Harry. Within a short time of our meeting, he asked me out. He told me many times that he was only looking for someone to have fun with, and I was it. The rest is history.”
Tom’s ending thoughts: I love Ginny’s story! And wow, a new term for our Champs: ‘A Living Apart Together Marriage!’ (a LAT-M). I hadn’t heard that one before and yet I get it. And I smile at their reason for marrying. Bless you, both.
I hope you like the new Constant Contact format. Thanks for being a Champ. If friends want to be added to our eNewsletter list, they can easily sign up on the home page of my website: