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Scams target seniors during COVID-19

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 27, 2020

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Scams target seniors during the COVID-19 crisis

As always happens during challenging times when the public is concerned and confused, and therefore vulnerable–as we are now amidst this COVID-19 crisis–scammers come out of the woodwork to try to steal our money. Be aware. Trust your instincts.

One example: a text comes into your phone or a message into your email saying something like, “Your $1,200 assistance check is ready!” Don’t click on the link. They want your information and will attempt to steal your assets.

Another message example: “Some people you’ve been in contact with have tested positive for the COVID-19. We are not at liberty to give you their names. You need to take antibiotics immediately and the good news is they are free. You only must pay shipping and handling. Click on the link, fill in your payment information and we will ship your protection today.”

It’s bogus, antibiotics won’t stop the virus, at least that hasn’t been proven yet.

A third example: a message claiming to be from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) or WHO (the World Health Organization), saying you must prepay to receive a virus test in the mail. Again, don’t fall for it.

Or, they may offer free face masks, if you just pay shipping and handling.

If you must contact the CDC, or any other entity, go directly to their website. Again, do not click on links.

And with so many people sheltering at home, they have more time to be online and to online date. Which leads to more romance scams. I want to share with you briefly one romance scam that has been brought to my attention.

Remember, widows can be especially vulnerable and are the ones usually targeted.

Anatomy of a Senior Romance Scam

One of our Florida Champs shared a story this week on how a widow friend of hers in Florida, in her 70s, has fallen hook, line and sinker for a romance scam that’s preposterous. I will share a few of the details and point out some red flags.

The scammer reached her through an online dating site. First red flag, he’s working overseas, but he’ll be back in the states soon.

They’ve never met in person, never talked on the phone and have never skyped. So, she’s dealing with someone who could be anybody–a man, a woman, a child.

He has slowly gained her confidence. He said he had gifts for her; she gave him her snail mail address. Yes, some refrigerator magnets, one with a heart and an arrow through it, that said “I love you” at the bottom. But, now he knows exactly where she lives..

He is working her for as long as it takes. Our Champ is trying to bring sense to her widow friend, but, the widow is lonely and this scammer is playing that to the hilt. He is likely working multiple potential victims at the same time, knowing if he can fool just a few, he’ll be rich or at least make lots of money.

Here is an abbreviated copy of an email the scammer sent (her name changed). The scammer may have got his identity from someone he found on Wikipedia. I did not edit his grammar mistakes:

“Dear Sally, …You asked who I really am. I’m Admiral James Jones, a retired Navy Admiral and I was born November 11, 1954. I was a Captain of an aircraft carrier before I retired. I’m on a secret mission in the Middel East, which I can’t discuss it. I will be returning to the United States within the next few months and want to visit you in Florida.

Sally, I think I told you that my wife and I are divorced. We have two children, James Jr. and Felina. Both are married. They live near Boston.”

Red flag: He says he thinks he told her that he is divorced.” He’s likely dealing with so many potential victims at the same time he can’t even remember what he told her.

“Sally, I’m happy that you now know who I really am. I didn’t want to tell you the truth before because I didn’t want to be bragging that I am a high ranking military official. I’m sorry if I lied to you. Also, the Navy doesn’t want revealed details of the secret mission I’m on. (hint: it’s repositioning oil tankers)

I know we both want love for each other. I’m so relieved now I don’t have to pretend I’m someone else. I hope you understand. When we are together, I can give you more details.

When I step off that airplane when I return to the states, I will propose to you right then. OK? Ha Ha!

I love you so much.

Sincerely,

Jose

Tom’s comments:
Here’s what the scammer might actually look like.

Caregivers need to have big hearts — **This could be the Admira**l

And why did the Fake sign his name as “Jose,” not James? Probably because when they first met online he used the name Jose.

And the scammer’s grammar is atrocious. Senior romance scammers are usually from foreign countries.

Plus, the scammer admits he lied to Sally early on.

People who say they’re working overseas in the military or on oil rigs, or for big companies—huge red flags.

Our Champ hopes to change her friend’s mind.

I don’t want any of our Champs to ever be scammed. Also, be skeptical of any COVID-19 related communication that requires paying money or submitting one’s personal information.

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A reminder, the Meet and Greet for March in Dana Point has been cancelled. Probably April also.

Widow and widower LAT relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 20, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Widow and widower LAT relationship (living apart together)

Nearly half our Champs are widowed. They tell me they’d prefer meeting another widowed person because they’d both be able to relate to what the other has been through.

Today’s story is about a widow and a widower who reside in a small Midwestern city. They did not meet online; they met at a Meetup.com gathering.

As a member of our “Finding Love After 50” Facebook group, our Champ had read about Meetup.com and decided to try to initiate a new social life in his own town. He joined a group that had dinner together once a week.

At his first dinner, he saw a woman of interest to him, but she left before he could talk to her. She had also noticed him. A week later, she emailed him to see how he was getting along. But, several weeks went by; she didn’t attend another dinner.

He decided to email her and found that she had been away at her summer home.

It took them a few months to get together. When they first met in person, it wasn’t on a date. They met to discuss starting a widower and widow Meetup.com group in their city. Soon, they took an interest in each other. They found they loved many of the same things, such as being outdoors and enjoying nature.

They’ve been a couple for four years.

Today, how they approach their relationship

Gordon wrote, “My lady and I are in a LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship.

“We live less than 10 miles apart, we both own our homes, no mortgages, we have our own retirement/pension funds, and healthcare. We both have one grown, married child and each of us lost our spouses at a young age, after long illnesses and caring for them.

“Robin, (not her true name), my partner, is 10-years-younger than I and our previous lifestyles were much different. We have found that each of us has much to contribute to the other and can enhance each of our lives.

“She was married to a faculty member of a large university and I retired from a small community college, after 23 years in the Navy. We love being around the water and swimming.

“What makes it work for us is that each of us has embraced the other’s background and experience.

“I like to kayak, fish on a trout stream, hike and she has embraced that and now we both enjoy kayaking, boating, hikes, and being out of doors. She says she might even go fishing with me. I have taken up photography and editing photographs, her interests, and we take frequent trips to photograph and enjoy the out of doors.

“We do not agree on everything–such as politics. One is conservative, the other is liberal. We believe that our relationship is much more important than debating or arguing our political viewpoints.

“We want to live life to the fullest every day with a smile–in the time we have. Friends and family tell us that we are always doing something and comment they wish they would live as we do.

“We enjoy the smallest of things as well as the bigger adventures and never fail to stop smiling or take a single day for granted.

“One of our greatest claims to life since meeting is that we have never laughed so hard that tears flowed and our stomachs ache. We define love as happiness.

“Re: living together. As long as we are in good health, and, can do so, we will likely not live under the same roof; although, we periodically do when we go to her summer house for a week or two, travel to different places for vacations, or on overnight trips.

“We both enjoy our ‘days off,’ as we call them, to just rest up at our own homes for a day or two, enjoy our own space, and spend time the way each of us chooses independently. We also have household chores to get done.

“We see each other five to six days a week; those could be the entire day or as little as meeting at the gym in the morning.”

“We also go out for a cocktail, a music event, community activities, and take frequent car rides in the area in which we live and love.

“Robin has numerous girl friends that she periodically gets together with and I have hobbies including RC airplane building and flying, fishing, and other things I do on my own or with the few men friends I have.

“I dated numerous ladies prior to meeting Robin. She waited over two years after her husband’s death to begin dating. I was her first date after losing her husband.

“One thing that became very important and refreshing with Robin and I was the immediate understanding that our previous marriages were real (mine 41 years, hers 38 years) and would never go away. That the love we had then was lasting; although, we both learned very quickly that our new relationship was equally as good, different, and strong.

“We both understood our previous lives could not be forgotten and would not be relived. Yes, we both brought our share of baggage to the relationship and it had to be sorted and discarded.

“I have spent time with her husband’s family and she with mine. My son, soon after meeting Robin, announced to her that they really liked her and welcomed her into the fold. Her daughter was much slower to understand that her mother could have another relationship, but with time she is beginning to do so.”

Tom’s comment: A LAT relationship isn’t for all senior couples. A big issue: affordability. In a LAT, each will have an assortment of household expenses. Whereas, when couples live together, they will likely share or divvy up household expenses, including mortgage payments, property taxes and utilities, reducing the cost to each person.

The decision to live together should not be made solely because it’s more affordable. All the values we always considered important still are the first and most important considerations. Saving money can be the frosting on the cake.

Part 2

Reminder: No Meet and Greet this month in Dana Point.

On Tuesday, St. Patrick’s Day, my usual Stand Up Paddle Boarding buddy and I went paddling. It was a beautiful day and we made it a point to be six-feet away from each other. I felt it was safe to leave the house. He wore this St. Patrick’s Day outfit. Lots of pictures were taken of him by people walking the sidewalks while we paddled. One young child was with her parents. She yelled to him, “What’s your name?”

My New Zealand paddling buddy, Russell Kerr, on St. Patrick’s Day

He replied, “St. Patrick.” The young child responded happily. So, thanks, Russell, for putting so many smiles on people’s faces during this somber time.

Also, because many people are self-quarantined, it can get lonely. Call your pals and have phone conversations. That can help. Encouraging news: A Trader Joe’s employee told me they will not run out of wine. Hurray!

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – March 13, 2020

A Reunion with Rosanne Cash, an elegant, long-time friend

by Columnist Tom Blake

On Saturday night, March 7, I had a reunion with an elegant, long-time friend. I’ve written about her before, after seeing her at previous reunions. This reunion was so special, I was moved to share it with readers.

Don’t get the wrong idea. My partner of 22 years, Greta, was at my side. And as a special treat to me, so were my sisters Pam and Christine.

The reunion took place at the intimate and wonderful Poway Center for the Performing Arts, located in the quaint city of Poway, California, 23 miles northeast of San Diego, and about an hour’s drive from our home in south Orange County.

And why do I refer to it as a reunion? Because I’ve known this woman for 43 years, met her when she was about 21. Her name is Rosanne Cash, a multi-Grammy Award winner, and a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame.

And if her last name has a familiar ring, it’s because Rosanne is the eldest daughter of the late Johnny Cash. That connection is how I met her.

In the mid-1970s, when I was the marketing director for the boxcar and caboose Victoria Station restaurant chain, I hired Johnny and worked with him for two years. He was our company spokesperson and sang our radio commercials. I also co-produced the Destination Victoria Station record album with Johnny Cash.

Needless to say, on the album, Johnny did 99.9 percent of the work; I just approved the songs that were featured on the album. He did the singing.

In July 1989, my sister Pam and I were photographed with Johnny, at Humphreys by the Bay in San Diego, a cozy concert venue next to the water with a plethora of yachts berthed alongside.

Tom Johnny Cash Pam Blake Peters

July 19, 1989, at Humphreys by the Bay – San Diego

When I published “Middle Aged and Dating Again,” my first book in 1997, Johnny endorsed the back cover with these words:

“In the 20 years I have known Tom Blake, he has become an authority on dating and relationships.”

I’m not sure how Johnny knew that, but I happily accepted his endorsement.

Because my sister Pam was with us last Saturday night, I printed out a copy of that 31-year-old photo of us with Johnny and gave it to Rosanne backstage after the show Saturday night.

Handing the above photo to Rosanne

Minutes later, a new photo was taken of Pam, Chris, Rosanne, me and Greta.

Pam Christine Rosanne Tom Greta

March 7, 2020, Poway Center for the Performing Arts

In the last ten years, Greta and I have seen Rosanne, along with her husband/co-writer/producer and arranger John Leventhal, in concert five times, including last Saturday.

When Leventhal saw us backstage Saturday night, he said, “And who are you guys?” I surmised that Rosanne hadn’t briefed John that the Blake clan would be visiting backstage.

John Leventhal and Tom’s sister Christine

The Poway Center for the Performing Arts is a fun place in which to see a concert. It’s small, 797 seats. The ushers are pleasant, friendly and helpful. Michael Rennie, President and CEO of Poway OnStage, greeted us warmly and was accommodating by leading us backstage after the performance.

Check out their website for upcoming shows: www.PowayOnStage.org. And, unheard of these days, the parking is free!

The audience was mesmerized by Rosanne. Her voice is clear and beautiful. Her stage presence and mannerisms are gentle and polished. Her songs are personal, sang as if she’s telling a story that she experienced.

Leventhal is a master guitar player and joins in on limited vocals. He and Rosanne have been married 25 years. They have fun together on stage. They played without an intermission for 90 minutes.

It’s evident that Rosanne loves the United States; she mentioned unity for our country several times. My sisters were deeply moved by her performance.

She sang “Ode to Billie Joe,” as beautifully as Bobbie Gentry did, when Gentry made it a hit in 1967. At the song’s conclusion, Rosanne said, “That song was recorded 53-years-ago, and people are still trying to figure out what Billie Joe was throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.” Her comment triggered a huge laugh from the audience.

Rosanne’s rendition of “The Long Black Veil” was spellbinding. She sang “Tennessee Flat Top Box,” which her dad wrote, and she performed “Sea of Heartbreak,” an old Don Gibson tune.

She ended the concert with her 1981 hit song “Seven Year Ache.”

The applause brought she and hubby John back for an encore; she sang “Wayfaring Stranger” from the Ken Burns 2019 Country Music documentary, a tune her father had also made popular.

Add a future Rosanne Cash concert to your bucket list, it will be one of the most enjoyable 90 minutes of your life.

Her website: www.RosanneCash.com.

END

This article appeared in an edited version of the online edition of the San Clemente Times newspaper on March 18, 2020. Scroll to page 17: http://www.sanclementetimes.com

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Widower gives widower dating advice to senior women

March 6, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Widower gives widower dating advice to senior women

Lately, I’ve been receiving some terrific emails from men, discussing what they’ve learned in their dating experiences. Most of the men are widowers. Over the next few weeks, I plan to share a few of the widower emails with you.

What has been refreshing–in almost all the emails–is the men have expressed understanding, empathy and respect for single women and what the women go through.

Today, Randy, 73, Fort Lauderdale, reflects on senior dating:

Randy wrote: ”Although I haven’t been on the dating scene for a while–due to finding and marrying my life partner–I feel I have a slightly different perspective on senior dating compared to what other people have posted.

“During my 15 years of dating as a widower, I was on nearly every popular dating website there is and dated multiple women. A significant number of them had some very creative, misleading and sometimes false data or pictures in their profiles. I also had some false information in mine.

“Although I used current pictures, I initially put my age down as 3-4 years younger than actual. Having guilt problems with this, I attempted to change it but, as another Champ stated in a recent eNewsletter, the primary dating website I was using did not allow that. I ended up deleting this profile and generating an ‘honest’ one!

“With all this dating and the associated creative profiles, I never had one bad date and developed several great friendships that exist even to this day.

“Why? I never went on a date with a long-term relationship primarily in mind. I went with the object of meeting a new and interesting person, who, regardless of chemistry, would make my life a little fuller and more interesting (besides, I hate to eat alone!).

“Nearly everybody on the dating scene can tell if that magic chemistry is there within the first five minutes. If chemistry is not there, I suggest attempting to draw the person in, to find if there are some common areas of interests–be it vocation, advocation, family, and yes, even politics.

“Everyone likes to talk about themselves and you might be surprised at how many times this results in a catalyst for that magical chemistry. If not, perhaps you’ve instead made a new friend!

“Bottom line: don’t treat a first meeting as an interview for a life partner, rather treat it as a chance to add a new and interesting facet to your life.”

Tom’s comment: In last week’s eNewsletter, Susie, Virginia, was quoted: “I have been tempted to put down a younger age. I just turned 78 and look years younger and act it too, but I feel my age is holding me back to meet men.

“I have always dated and married men that were five to 10 years younger than I, but now it seems men are not interested in a woman my age. What give’s Tom?”

In referring to Susie’s question, Randy stated, “A suggestion for Susie and those ladies in her circumstance: Many men like to date younger women or at least, those very near their own age and thus ‘screen’ potential dates accordingly.

“A man 75 will probably search for his preference between 60 and maybe 75. Not 75 to 80. Since someone like you, Susie, might be excluded, I found that many ‘young-feeling’ women do indeed put their mental age down in the profile, BUT, they admit the truth in the wording of the profile.

For example, ‘All my friends and acquaintances remark on how active I am and tell me I look and act like I’m 65, not my actual age of 78!’

“I found this to not only be acceptable, but it piqued my personal interest.

“I did not meet my new young bride (seven-years younger) on a dating site. She was a very distant acquaintance who just called me up and invited me on a date. Two years later, she agreed to be my wife and we celebrated our second anniversary last October!

“Advice to women: don’t be afraid to take the initiative!

“The past dating scene seems much like the present dating scene. I still maintain friendships with several of my previous special ladies and along with my bride’s friends, my bride and I hear the woes of dating often. We empathize and sympathize with them and wish there were both more and better male candidates. Unfortunately, it is what it is!

“Among my single male friends, I find a declining dating interest even in those who are still out there. The financial issue is one factor. I have at least two friends who have confided that they just can’t afford the high cost of dating. Also, I guess as testosterone levels go down, they just don’t feel dating is worth the effort.”

Tom’s comment: A declining interest in dating by older men can make the ratio of single women compared to single men even greater than statistics indicate it to be. To women, some of those men might be perceived as non-relationship material.

Randy concluded: “What I suggest to the ladies: invite your friend of interest over for a home-cooked dinner. Bachelors get tired of eating out. If a first date, include another couple for safety which should also keep the conversation going.”

Randy’s email and advice reminded me of a photo I took from a bus, in Edinburgh, Scotland, last September. It’s not a romantic waterfall, or a romantic walk on the beach, but a simple, warm message that reminds us to treat everybody with dignity and respect, even if they aren’t going to become a mate:

Love All, Serve All @ the HardRock Cafe in Edinburgh. Among all of the history in this incredible city, the message above the windows touched Greta and me the most. Photo by Tom Blake

Senior Dating Profile Dishonesty

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

Issue 9, February 28, 2020

Nine geographically diverse women comment on senior dating profile dishonesty

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Women Champs have center stage today to conclude the discussion on senior dating profile dishonesty

Shelley, San Diego, “I did not encounter men who lied about their age but back in 2016 when I was on OK Cupid a younger man messaged me. His profile picture was just his face and I could tell he was overweight.

“MY profile stated I was ‘healthy-physically fit and active and looking for the same.’ Against my better judgement, I agreed to meet this man and when he showed up at the public park where I asked him to meet me, he was enormously FAT. He could hardly walk the few steps from the parking lot.

“I didn’t rush off as I wanted to- we talked for over an hour and he told me he needed a hip replacement and he had had a heart attack the previous year. Then, he asked when we might meet again, and he said he wanted to go on a road trip with me!

“OMG! I was very polite-said I had three other dates lined up in the next few days and would be in touch with him. He emailed me the next day saying what a wonderful woman I was and he couldn’t wait to see me again. I replied I would be in touch. He kept badgering me.

“Finally I emailed him and said I met someone I really clicked with-it wasn’t true but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He then began leaving me voicemails saying what an awful woman I was and that I had led him on!

“What? So, I wrote him and told him not to communicate with me again.”

Rosemarie, South Africa, “I’ve been dating for a long time, and always say my right age, which is now 80, and post full-length pictures as well.

Cynthia, Watertown, New York, “You matched me up with a gentleman last year. Well, we were politically incompatible and quite frankly there were no sparks for me. We went out three times. I appreciate the try. If you come across someone 56-76 years old. (I am 66).”

Tom’s response to Cynthia, “Regarding that attempted fix up a few months ago. The reason I suggested you two communicate with each other was that you lived within a reasonable distance to each other in the upstate New York area.

“From that experience, you now know firsthand why I’ve often said I’m not a matchmaker. There was no way I could know about the potential chemistry or lack thereof between the two of you, and I hadn’t considered that your political preferences might be different.

“That comment brings up another important compatibility measure on dating profiles: Political preferences. For some, that can be a deal breaker so being upfront about that on one’s profile is a good idea to keep two people from wasting each other’s time by meeting in person—especially in this president-election year when feelings are escalated.

“I avoid writing about politics as there’s a chance that nearly half of my readers might get upset. That and religion. Those two topics I avoid, which may be one of the reason’s I’m still writing after 27 years, and nearly 4,000 articles.

“At least you and I tried to find you a potential mate.”

Robbie, Orange County California, “Absolutely a turnoff when you take the liberty to fib about your age. It begins a basic level of distrust (for me) that would be very hard to overcome. So much easier to be honest and straightforward even if it’s meeting for a coffee.”

Susie, Virginia, “I have been tempted to put down a younger age. I just turned 78 and look years younger and act it too, but I feel my age is holding me back to meet men.

“I have always dated and married men that were five to 10 years younger than I, but now it seems men are not interested in a woman my age. What give’s Tom?”

Tom’s response to Susie: “Your comment that you’ve always dated and married men five to 10 years younger makes me wonder how many times you’ve been married.

What give’s? It’s likely not a lack of interest as much as a lack of men. At your age, 78, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately four-to-one. And women sometimes point out that not all of the men included in the ratio are relationship material. Of course, that same sentiment is felt by some men about the women as well.

Rhonda, South Orange County, California, “Interesting and somewhat amusing topic here. Your fact-finding mission and hypothesis on the rationale (of the 81-year-old man who lied to Arlene) are on point. And your math skills as well!

“I was on a dating site and one guy I met up with was also a good eight years older than he stated and when we discussed it, he claimed he couldn’t change it on the site. Seriously?

“I’ve had girlfriends mention to me, ‘Oh, just tweak it a little bit; tell them you’re 58 or 59, then you’re under the age-60 bracket.’ I was born in 1956, I’m 63 and that’s just the way it is. I am who I am and I’m not going to lie about it.

“If a guy is deceptive about his age, then what ELSE is he being dishonest about? What a way to start a relationship – based on white lies, half-truths and? Not for me!

“I have integrity and good moral character and that’s just part of who I am, even if I’m ‘too old’ for some. Someday I’m thinking a man will be glad to have me by his side ‘as is!”

Cynthia S., Kansas City, Kansas, “I am on Silver Singles and eHarmony and I totally understand what Champ Arlene is saying about men lying on their profiles.

“Even worse than age lying is posting old photos in order to appear more attractive. Recently, I had two cases in which two gentlemen posted nice looking pictures. When I queried them on how old these photos were, they said yeah maybe seven years or so. I then requested that they post current pictures as I had done.

“The pictures that were then posted on their profiles were amazing. The men looked a lot older and in fact, were almost not recognizable from their original photos! Ye gads, how would I recognize them if I met them at a restaurant? This is frustrating to say the least.

“I understand they want to attract women, but I say, ‘post recent photos and be truthful about your age; it will be better for you in the long run.”

Jackie, Florida, “Right out lying is wrong! How can you trust anything else if they lie on one thing? It doesn’t hurt to do a background check or investigation if the relationship is getting serious. Amazing what you can find on the internet.

Tom’s comment: As mentioned earlier in this eNewsletter: check out a potential date’s person’s political leanings, if that matters to you. Knowledge is power, or something like that.

Laurie, South Orange County, California, “After a year on eHarmony, I found a great guy. After jumping through their hoops and talking on the phone several times, we met up. The photo was apparently from several years in the past and he was heavier by far than in the photos. We had a good time, though, and when he called me the next day, I told him he misrepresented himself.

“I was blunt about his appearance, but we kept talking and he apologized, claiming not to have any current photos. I suspect it was one of those half-lies. We dated for nearly three years, so no regrets. He always teased me that my confrontation on the phone was the “morning massacre.” I’m nice or I would have called our first date the “rude awakening.”

We’ve had many serious comments (with one or two humorous exceptions) on this topic in the last three eNewsletters. So, I put together a brief senior man’s online dating profile for fun, with a huge tongue-in- cheek. Please men, do not take it seriously.

Tom’s tongue in cheek senior man dating profile. Lighten up everybody!
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Next week will bring a new topic pertinent to older singles. What will it be? It depends on what lands in my inbox.

Dating profile dishonesty

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 8, February 21, 2020

10 senior men comment on dating profile dishonesty

by Tom Blake

Women often say that men don’t comment much in these eNewsletters.

As I read the responses from last week’s article, which featured Champ Arlene’s date with a guy, 81, who had advertised that he was 71 on a website dating profile— an unusual thing happened while the responses starting coming in.

The first eight responses came from men and they all mentioned dating profile dishonesty. That’s never happened before. Usually, it’s the women who quickly comment and the men’s responses trickle in over the next few days.

So today, we are going to feature responses from nine men, plus my comments, for a total of 10 responses from men.

The topic: Senior men comment on dating profile dishonesty

Ben said, “Tell a lie and you will surely not remember what you said, but, tell the truth and honesty will shine in you.”

Terry, aka, The Funny Plumber: “Age is a funny thing. My body is 78; but both brains still think 18.”

Tom’s comment: “You’re a dog, Terry. But we love the heck out of you.”

Larry: “The 81-year-old guy should try a Filipino! Age gaps of 30,40 and even 50 years are accepted and not uncommon in the Philippines.”

Tom’s response to Larry: “But, that’s a long way to travel to meet a date in person.

Army (a man’s nickname): “The guy’s story sounds like a cabbie in NYC. If he’s at 6^th Avenue, and the fare is at 75^th, he might call in that he’s at 45^th, so he would appear to be the closest and get the fare.”

Tom’s comment: Army’s right. Technically, it’s a lie, but it’s a marketing technique to at least get a shot at getting the fare.

Sid, “Interesting you mentioned Tony Bennett last week, who at 94 is still touring. I remember seeing him sing, ’I Left My Heart in San Francisco” at the Hotel Fairmont Venetian Room in San Francisco in 1965. I was just about to deploy to Viet Nam, so that makes me 76.”

Tom’s reply to Sid: At the start of the Viet Nam War in 1963, I was based at the Naval Station Subic Bay, Philippines. The day the war began, three US ships were dispatched from Subic to Viet Nam. My ship, the USS Noble, APA 218, was one of the three. We had 3,000 Marines on board; it was a scary time. The plan was for the ship to go up the Saigon River to drop the troops off and pick up Americans to evacuate them from Saigon.

About an hour before the ship entered the river mouth, the plan was cancelled. For 45 days, we just patrolled around off the coast of Cap St. Jacques before returning to Subic Bay. The Marines never got off the ship in Viet Nam.

When the ship returned to Subic 45 days later, a beautiful woman Filipino entertainer at the Officer’s Club sang, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” Not a dry eye in the place.

John, “I agree with Christine Baumgartner (dating and relationship expert and a Champ). Honesty and transparency are recommended for anyone using online dating sites.
Finding a relationship is difficult enough, but lying, even a little, reduces your chances; it doesn’t increase them.

“If the guy had been honest and upfront, Arlene might have enjoyed something in common, like staying on ships for a cruise or deployment. She might have accepted the age difference so she could evaluate other elements on his profile for compatibility.

“Instead, of him thinking a small lie wouldn’t matter, it became the focus for her or anyone else that she found unacceptable. It’s hard to focus on any other factor that might support compatibility once something–considered dishonest–becomes the 800-pound gorilla sitting with them at the table.

“Driving to work the other morning, I heard that Robert Wagner just turned 90.The amount of energy he displays in his guest appearances on NCIS encourage the rest of us and justifies when I read this on one of my t-shirts: “Yes, I’m old, but at least I made it.”

“Last Wednesday, I was asked how old I am. I truthfully replied: physically, 67; mentally
between 5 to 8 years old.

“A good topic. I know the female experiences will help teach all of us something to
consider and understand.”

Note from Tom: The women will have their opportunity to discuss dating profile dishonesty in next week’s eNewsletter.

Wayne, “Almost everyone I have met on Match.com lied about something, the age of their pictures, their age, their goals, etc.

“Many also do not reveal much about themselves in their profile. Naturally, I deleted all
the women who I detected were not being forthcoming or willing to share basic information about themselves.

“I’m sure men are guilty of the same thing. Maybe you can initiate a column on the
value of transparency in online dating sites. Why waste other’s time if you are unwilling
to be transparent in your dating profile?”

Art, “I started on POF (Plenty of Fish) in 2008 and I put my correct age from the beginning.

My thinking was, and still is, that once I meet a lady in person, the truth will be evident, and I would be branded as a liar if I had fibbed on my profile.

“I also don’t want to date women who are much younger, since they may likely be still
working and not able to meet during the week.

“I am 81, and the lady I’m seeing is 78. She has been retired about the same length of time, and we are a good match age-wise and have many mutual interests.”

Kenny, “My question: ‘Is, describing one’s body type as ‘average,’ when one is (VERY) obviously, seriously overweight,’ considered ‘lying?’

“Also, while posting your ‘true age,’ is posting long-ago photos at a much, much younger age acceptable?

“Or, are these two modus operandi simply ‘creative’ advertising/marketing?

“I have been on more than a few ‘meet & greets’ where the gals have posted their
correct age on their dating profiles, but were much, MUCH older-looking when
finally meeting face-to-face.

“And, on a lunch first-date last weekend, the gal was a good 40-50 pounds heavier
than ‘average body type,’ which she had stated in her profile.

“I guess my new internet dating mantra should be: When viewing dating-profile photos,
don’t trust the ‘head shots.’”

Based on what the men stated above, here are

Men comment on five ways people are guilty of dating profile dishonesty

1. They post an age younger than their true age
2. They display an out-of-date photo that shows them as much younger than they are
3. They show only a “head shot” to disguise the remainder of the body
4. They select an “average body type” when they are a “much larger” body type
5. They show a photo of their dog or cat instead of their photo.

Lying about age on senior dating profile

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 7, February 14, 2020

Is Lying about age on senior dating profile acceptable?

by Columnist Tom Blake

This week, Champ Arlene, mid-60s, shared a story about a man who contacted her on a senior dating website. His profile stated he was 71, close enough in age, she felt, to be a potential mate.

Arlene emailed, “The guy wrote that he’d like to meet me at Starbucks. His photo looked ok. The location was near where I live so I agreed.

“He lives about 20 miles from me. I was sitting outside waiting for him, even though it was a bit chilly. When he walked up, he seemed much older than his photo.

“He had seen in my profile a picture of me on a cruise. He asked if I liked to cruise, to which I replied: ‘Yes, it’s my favorite thing to do.’

“He told me he’d been in the Navy and on many ships. I asked if it was during the Viet Nam War; he told me it was during the Korean War. Since I’m a Baby Boomer, guys in my age group were in the Viet Nam War, NOT the Korean War.

“I reminded him that his senior dating profile stated he was 71. He told me he’d ‘fudged’ his age a bit; he was 81! I let him ramble on for an hour about himself then told him I had many errands and had to leave.

“He had the nerve to contact me online again the next day. I told him we were not a match and that 81 was NOT 71!

“These guys never stop trying.”

Chris and Tina told the truth about their ages 15 years ago and the truth paid off. They married in 2017. He’s early 80s; Tina’s late 70s.

I wondered why he lied to Arlene. I pondered what he may have thought; I’m only guessing but perhaps it was something along this line.

He saw her profile on the senior dating website. Her picture appealed to him; he found her attractive. She lived close enough to him that dating her would be convenient.

He thought her interests and hobbies meshed with his. After all, he had been in the Navy onboard ships and he had noticed that profile picture of her on the cruise ship.

Perhaps she had the characteristics he sought in a mate. From her profile, it appeared to him they could be a good match.

There was just one problem, of which he was oh-so aware–probably because he had experienced it previously, more than once–he was too old for her.

If he listed his true age, he wouldn’t get a date with Arlene because she was more than 10 years younger.

Maybe he was convinced that if he could just get to meet Arlene face-to-face, she might think he was so wonderful, that their 10-to-17-year age difference (whichever it was), wouldn’t matter. He may have thought he was being creative and didn’t think he was kidding himself or being delusional.

To improve his chances of getting a date with Arlene, he simply shaved 10 (or more) years off his true age, on his profile.

Technically, he was lying. But he believed it was just a little white lie. Besides, he promised himself that he’d reveal his true age when they met, after, of course, he’d had a chance to show her what a potentially great catch he’d be. Is lying to get one’s foot in the door wrong?

Perhaps he knew from previous experiences that the only way to get first dates with younger women was to lie on his profile.

Again, I can’t say if this is how his thinking went, or if any of my above speculation is true, but, I imagine, some of it is.

Christine Baumgartner, an Orange County dating and relationship coach, once told me, “When I work with my clients, I always insist they tell the truth about themselves, including their age. It’s very important not to lie.”

Some senior singles say, if people lie about their age, anything they say might be suspect.

I responded to Arlene: “He may have even been fudging a bit more. The Korean War was between 1950-1953. If he was, let’s say, 17, in 1950, that would make him approximately 87 now. If he was 17 in 1953, he’d be about 84 now. If he was older than 17 during the Korean War, he could be in his late 80s now.”

Lying about one’s age isn’t acceptable. Besides, the truth will emerge sooner or later.

Oh, and did I mention, I’m 64? Well, at least I once was!
****
Anecdote about age. As I was preparing this eNewsletter, Greta said, “An article I’m reading says Johnny Mathis is 83, Engelbert Humperdinck is 83, Tony Bennett ,94, and Clint Eastwood is 89.” I thought, oh my gosh, that can’t be possible.

The next Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point, California, will be Thursday, February 27, 2020, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH, Dana Point, from 5 to 7 p.m. Admission free, appetizers free, beer and wine per glass $6.

Stop looking for a mate. Finding Senior Love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 6, February 7, 2020

Finding Senior Love

by Thomas P Blake columnist for 25 years

There are three parts to this week’s eNewsletter. Parts 1 and 2 were inspired by emails from two Champs.

Part 1 – Stop looking for a mate. Start living life to find a mate

A woman Champ from the East Coast asked, “What are the chances of a woman 57 meeting a man that she is compatible with and having a great relationship? I’m tired of looking….”

My comment to her: “What are your chances at age 57 of meeting a compatible man? I cannot provide you with a mathematical number because there are too many variables that can affect the chances.

“However, at age 57, you’re still young. The ratio of single women to single men at your age is close to one-to-one. Perhaps 1.5-to-one. Your chances now, vs.–let’s say at age 67–are excellent. The ratio by 67 is close to three-to-one, which makes meeting single men more difficult.

“But, your comment, ‘I’m tired of looking,’ is a red flag for two reasons:

‘First reason: When people look too hard for a mate, they often come off as desperate and people can sense that. It’s a turnoff. Might you have been looking too hard?

“Second reason, ‘tired of looking’ sounds like you are giving up on finding a mate. Don’t do that. As we pass ages 50 or 55, romance doesn’t come looking for us. We have to be proactive. We don’t need to be out there ‘looking for love,’ but we do need to be out there ‘living life.’

“And by ‘living life,’ I mean, we need to ensure we have a positive attitude. We need to greet people with a smile. We need to be active with people. We need to be off the couch and out of the house, involved in activities we enjoy. We need to be physically active, exercise and keep the body moving. We need to walk with a spring in our step, regardless of our health restrictions.

Simply being positive and friendly can improve one’s chances of meeting new people. And when we meet new people, we just might meet a compatible mate.

“We also need to help people. A good way to do that is to volunteer.

“So, my advice to you: ‘Stop looking. Begin living.’”

By the way, I published a book about finding senior love. It’s called “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” It’s actually about how 58 couples found senior love. Available at my Tom’s 50 Couples book and Amazon.com.

Part 2 – More on Senior Loneliness

The second item came from Champ Kenny, who resides in British Columbia. Kenny sent a link to an Ask Amy article from the Toronto Sun newspaper.

Here is the article from the newspaper. I am enclosing it word-for-word to demonstrate how singles all over the world have similar issues as our Champs, and how Dear Amy’s answer to the woman is similar advice we’ve often given in our eNewsletters:

From the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Amy: I am a 70-year-old active woman who is semi-retired. I’ve been divorced for more than 20 years.

My adult children live out of state, and I have only a few social outlets.

I hate being alone and often feel lonely, even with work, volunteering, and seeing my one good friend.

I was excited to meet one older man at church but his entire conversation over brunch was about (you guessed it) sex. I was mortified. I haven’t interacted with him again.

Online dating seems so scary to me. I am only interested in companionship and honestly have no interest in having a sexual relationship.

I am out and about all the time, volunteer, go to the gym, go to work, go to church … and still no male interest. What’s wrong with me? Can you give any advice about how to either be the best alone (and lonely) older woman, or try again? How do I do that?

— Lonely”

And the Ask Amy response in the Toronto Sun newspaper:

“Dear Lonely: You should consider cohabiting with another woman. Would your good friend consider giving this a try?

“Otherwise, you should try to build up your friendship pool, with both men and women. In terms of meeting new people, Meetup.com is a great place to start. You will find local meetup groups ranging from square dancing to ‘over 50’ game nights.”

About the above newspaper comments, Champ Kenny said, “A 70-year-old divorcee wanting ‘companionship’ meets some fellow at church…and all he talks about is sex? Go figure?”

I think Kenny is saying, when women want only companionship, with no hugs, many men–not all–will go elsewhere.

Part 3 – Meet and Greet

The next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, February 27, 2020, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH, Dana Point, California, from 5 to 7 p.m. Admission free, appetizers free, beer and wine per glass $6.

One of our Champs wrote, regarding Dave’s comment last week about having Meet and Greets in other cities:

“I like your suggestion to Dave that perhaps small groups can be formed if Champ’s are interested in their local areas. Anybody in the Bellevue, WA area? I would organize.”

Email me if you live near Bellevue; I will forward your email to her. Maybe we’ll have a M and G there. Wonder if Kenny from BC would attend?

Why I keep Valentine’s Day low-key

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 5, January 31, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

There are 3 parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part One – Why I keep Valentine’s Day low-key

Recently, a buddy said, “As the On Life and Love After 50 columnist, what plans do you have for you and Greta to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year?”

I think he expected to hear me describe something fancy such as a romantic evening for us at one of the nearby 5-star hotels. Two of them, the Monarch Beach Resort, and, the Ritz Carlton, are within walking distance of our Monarch Beach, California, home.

I hadn’t thought about our plans for Valentine’s Day—Greta and I hadn’t even discussed it–so I replied, “We’ll probably stay home.”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I added, “We might splurge by preparing a lobster dinner with spinach salad, and sip on a glass of Churn, my favorite chardonnay, topped off with a piece or two of See’s candy. We’ll probably be in the sack by 10 p.m.

House rule: Maximum two pieces per person per box opening

Surprised at the modest plan, he questioned, “Churn chardonnay?”

“Yup, my favorite chardonnay,” I said. “Seven bucks a bottle at Trader Joe’s.”

I added, “I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Granted, it’s good for the economy. However, greeting-card companies, restaurants, candy makers and flower shops mount such an overwhelming marketing blitz, I feel it takes some of the romance out of Valentine’s Day.

“Similar to New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day can make people without a mate lonelier than they already are. That’s why I avoid making Valentine’s Day a big deal in my columns. I don’t want the lonely people to feel worse.”

My friend’s questions reminded me that when I was younger, I experienced some lonely Valentine’s Days.

In a column I wrote in 1996, I said this about that day:

“I’ve taken a few romantic hits lately: divorce, rejection, etc. Funny how sometimes life drags us through the gutter before it starts to improve.

“But, even though there’s no one special in my life on this 1996 Valentine’s Day, most importantly, I have my health, a nice roof over my head, and a job where I can eat when I’m hungry (that’s when I owned Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point).”

In June, 1998, two years after writing that article, I met Greta, so the “no one special in my life” situation changed.

To Greta and me, every day is Valentine’s Day, so we don’t make a big deal out of February 14. We appreciate very much what we have.

We both enjoy great families, and lots of wonderful friends. And nice readers like you.

I think the most thoughtful thing people can do on Valentine’s Day is to reach out to those who may be spending the day alone. They might be lonely. Invite them to join you and your friends for lunch or dinner. Share the love of the day with them.

And look after them the rest of the year. Loneliness isn’t just a Valentine’s Day reality. It’s year around.

The best thing about Valentine’s Day—it’s a day of giving, just like Thanksgiving–making other people feel special and loved.

Oh, and by the way, a rose or an orchid is always appreciated.

Yellow rose from my garden this week

Part 2 – Devastated – Losing Kobe Bryant

I try to always put a positive spin on these eNewsletters. But, this week, it’s been a challenge. On Sunday morning, at home, I was walking down the steps from upstairs, when Greta looked at me sadly. I knew something was wrong. She shared news that rocked me to my core: “Kobe has been killed in a crash.”

Kobe Bryant, to us, was, of course, a person who gave us years of basketball enjoyment with the LA Lakers. But much more than that, he was an incredible human being with ties to our little city of Dana Point. He and Vanessa were married in St. Edwards Catholic Church here. Kobe is a household word in Southern California, especially in Los Angeles and Orange County.

He was kind, humble and loved children. He gave to many charities.

And the eight others who also died in that helicopter crash were all from Orange County—including Kobe’s daughter and the baseball coach at Orange Coast College, and that coach’s family and a few of his friends.

I will never forget where I was when I heard the Kobe news–coming down my steps at home. I’ve never forgotten where I was when Greta informed me about 9-11, or when I was in the engine room of the USS Noble off the coast of Guam during the Viet Nam War when the news of JFK’s passing was announced over the ship’s speakers.

So, excuse me for getting personal today. You are my friends and I wanted to share that with you.

Woman seeking husband # 4

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – Issue 4, January 24, 2020

by columnist Thomas P blake

The Champs take over

Response to woman seeking husband # 4

Marta wrote, “For the lady who is aching to get married: The best way to find a mate that is RIGHT for YOU is to be you as much as possible. Forget about finding a partner and do what you LIKE, around groups of people that include males, as often as you can, daily.

“When people observe you being happy, they are naturally attracted, they cannot help themselves. Plaster a smile on your face and get going.”

Responses to learning to play Bridge – the card game

Diana, “In South Orange County, California, South Orange Coast Bridge Center…San Juan Capistrano is a great club. I took beginner’s lessons when the club was at the harbor. I was 72 and had never played bridge before.

Have made a wonderful network of friends and play three times a week when at home and on cruises. Totally addicting though, so be warned! Carissa can likely find great clubs where she lives in Arizona.”

Sandy, “It’s never too late to learn Bridge. I am 70 and just recently learned. Go forth and enjoy! I recommend the American Contract Bridge League website (www.ABCL.ORG), and find classes, it is bonding, socialization, and intellectual…even if you are bad at it…you still reap the benefits!”

New Year’s Eve in Dubai – Chris and Tina

I asked our Champs, Chris and Tina, the longest, long-distance relationship couple (5,419 miles) of which I’ve ever known–who spent New Years Eve on a cruise ship in Dubai–if they’d share that experience with us.

Chris wrote, “The ship docked in Dubai on the afternoon of December 31, 2019.The dress code that evening was semi-formal. We met Bruce and Deb, a couple from England we had become acquainted with, for a wonderful lobster dinner.

“After dinner we went to the lounge and listened and danced to some good music. Around 11:30 p.m., the crew passed out hats for the men and crowns for the ladies, and we all went onto the upper swimming pool deck where the big party was going on.

“It was a beautiful night. There had to be 1,000 people up there. The music was loud, the champagne was flowing, and everyone was dancing and singing. It was a great and fun crowd.

“At midnight the Burj Khalifa–the tallest building in the world–lit up. It was a different New Year’s fireworks show than normal. There was a beautiful light display running up and down the building while fireworks were going off from the building complementing the lights. It was wonderful.

Champs Tina and Chris – after a long New Years Eve aboard ship in Dubai

“There were also four other parts of the city that lit up with fireworks. What a thrill to be standing there, with my arms around my wife, watching all this in Dubai as the new decade began.”

Larry Leach, one of our Champs, graduated two years ahead of me at Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan. He lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and is a big University of Michigan sports fan. He lettered in golf at Michigan.

Champ Larry Leach – loves the Big Blue
Larry forwarded an email that included 13 “Peanuts” cartoons, by Charles Schultz. Their simple, positive messages are wonderful. I thought I’d share a few of them with you—one at a time, once in a while—to remind us how positive messages can warm our hearts.
73 Years of Friendship
Two Champs – Pam S. and Pam P (Tom Blake’s sister). – who grew up together in Jackson, Michigan – shared a photo of them together in 1947. Now, Pam P lives in San Diego and Pam F. still lives in Jackson; they remain friends and exchange stories. They are Champs and are both married.

Champ Pam S. on left; Champ Pam P. on right – still pals after 73 years