On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – Page 12

Michael McLeavy tells of meeting Elvis in a memoir

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

by Tom Blake – columnist

June 17, 2022

In March 2017, I wrote a column titled, “Delivering a Letter to Johnny Cash,” which described a trip my partner Greta and I took to Tennessee to visit the Johnny Cash Museum and Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, and Graceland, and Sun Records in Memphis.

As many of you know, I worked with (and became friends with) Johnny Cash in 1975 and 1976 and wanted to show Greta the places where I had been with him.

A fellow Dana Point resident and Champ, Michael McLeavy, responded to that article. He wrote: “I enjoyed your ‘Delivering a Letter to Johnny Cash’ column and thought you might get a kick out of how I met Elvis Presley, since Elvis was a friend of your friend Johnny Cash.”

Michael and I met for lunch and compared stories about how he met Elvis and I met Johnny, two of Tennessee’s greatest singing legends. Michael presented me with a replica of a poster that pictured Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley together, promoting a March 10, 1956, concert in Armory, Mississippi (photo above)

On April 13, 2017, I wrote a follow-up column detailing how Michael met Elvis.

This February, Michael told me he had just completed an autobiography, which features his meeting Elvis as one of the highlights.

He said, “I purchased your Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark book and was impressed that you self-published it by using Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing. Would you consider editing, formatting, and helping me publish my book on Amazon?”

I said, “I admit, as a senior, I have extra time on my hands due to staying at home during the pandemic. Seniors need projects to work on. Projects can keep their minds active and give them a purpose. I’m not a professional editor, but I did learn a lot publishing my book.”

I thought getting Michael’s book edited and published might take me three weeks. So, I said to Michael, “I will do it.”

Three weeks turned into two months. Besides editing the manuscript, building a table of contents, and creating the book’s cover, there were multiple pictures to reformat and other details to address. One blessing: the book turned out to be only 132 pages.

What Now? What Next? Where To? by Michael McLeavy

As I worked on the book, I became fascinated with Michael’s life. He moved to Los Angeles from Scotland in 1965. His primary goal was to meet Elvis. He did that and so much more. He built a successful career in the insurance business.

Michael is an accomplished singer. He has recorded four CDs, which are available on Amazon.

Currently, Michael’s book, “What Now? What Next? Where To?” is available in paperback only. The cost on Amazon is $14.99 plus shipping and taxes.

However, if Champs would like a signed and personalized copy, email Michael at mmcleavy@cox.net with the details. The charge for Champs is $14.25, plus delivery. He will invoice you via his PayPal account, which can be paid via credit cards.

Michael has lived in Dana Point with his wife Linda since 1989.

Will I begin a second senior career helping people as an editor and publisher of books? Perhaps, but not full time as I must leave enough time to keep writing my eNewsletters and newspaper columns. Let me know if you have a book in your future. I’m receptive to questions.

End of the line

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 3, 2022

Today’s topics:

Reflections on Memorial Day

Does a potential mate’s marriage history matter?

It’s not the end of the line (if you haven’t found a mate yet)

On Memorial Day, like so many people, I did some reflecting about life. As a veteran, I certainly thought about the men and women of the armed services who paid the ultimate price. I reflected on the American Cemetery in Normandy France that Greta and I visited in 2016. It was a heart-wrenching experience to see the 9,387 gravesites of the Americans buried there. Most were casualties of the D-Day invasion, which took place only a few hundred yards from the cemetery, on June 6, 1944. Some perished in other parts of WWII.

Les, one of our Champs, was involved in D-Day.

Only four of the 9,387 buried there are women. Greta and I searched the cemetery until we found at least one of the four women’s gravesites. We came upon the white cross of Elizabeth A. Richardson, Mishawaka, Indiana, who was a Red Cross Volunteer, age 27, who died in a plane crash on July 25, 1944. I took a photo of her gravestone.

And I also thought about the men and women serving now. This very morning, Greta’s grandson-in-law Carlos is retiring from the Marine Corps after 23 years. We will be at his retirement ceremony at Camp Pendleton. We’re grateful for his dedication.

Also on Memorial Day, I thought about the last two years where Covid-19 made life difficult for all of us. For senior singles, it made meeting a potential mate very difficult. For seniors in long-distance relationships, it meant not seeing a partner as often.

I spoke to my friend Mike S. on Memorial Day and he stated how the recent tragic shootings across our country had affected him and Joanie, his significant other. He stated, “I’m out of sorts; this is a strange day.” I felt the same way.

I thought about our Champs who are alone, some of them probably feeling a bit empty themselves. I thought about five friends–two who are new widows, two who are new widowers and a guy friend who recently said to me, “I lost the best woman I’ve ever known.” I know how tough Memorial Day was for them.

And then I felt maybe I could give senior singles a little boost via this week’s eNewsletter.

Recently, some Champs have asked if a person’s dating and/or marriage history is important when seeking a mate. Here are my thoughts.

1 When you meet a potential mate, does their marriage/divorce history matter? What if they were married and divorced two or more times? Does that make them a risky choice?

My answer: no. When Greta and I had our first date 25 years ago, one thing we both fessed up to that we had in common was we each had been married and divorced three times. Both of us had been thinking, if I say that, will the other one get up and leave.

We didn’t bat an eye. Neither asked, “Why so many times?” We both understood what the other had been through. We both seemed like nice people. If anything, that common bond help bring us together. The result: a quarter-century of sharing life together. We finally got the senior relationship challenge right, even though we didn’t want or have the need to marry.

(2) How about dating a widowed person? Most widows and widowers have told me they prefer to date widowed people because widowed people understand each other. An important consideration is: have they given themselves time to grieve and heal?

Twelve years ago, I published an eBook titled, “Widower Dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field?” That book addresses many issues that can arise in dating a widowed person, especially dating a widower. It’s in eBook format only and is 33 pages. The eBook costs $2.99. To read a free preview, go to www.smashwords.com and then search on “Tom Blake. Widower Dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field.” While published 12 years ago, the information remains applicable today.

Both widows and widowers have told me the book has helpful advice for them, in addition to someone who is dating a widower.

I dated a widow before I met Greta. She kept calling me “Sam,” her deceased husband’s name. I felt she hadn’t healed properly, and the relationship fizzled out.

Is it okay to date widowed people? Of course. However, early on have the discussion with him or her to ensure the person has adequately healed. It would be terrible to fall in love with someone who decides down the road that he or she hasn’t healed enough and dumps you. Ouch!

(3) And is there risk in dating a person who has never married? Perhaps they are the wisest among all senior singles. No divorce scars. But you may wisely wonder, can he or she give and be a supportive and loving partner?

Of course, they can! They wouldn’t be making themselves available if they weren’t up to the task. The more important question might be can you be a supportive and loving partner to him or her.

There is no right or wrong answer to these three questions. It’s up to each person individually. It’s all in the attitude. It’s all how two people interact and care for each other. And don’t think, it’s the end of the line for you because you haven’t met that significant someone yet.

End Of The Line

Coincidentally, as I was working on this eNewsletter on Memorial Day, Greta clicked on YouTube TV and the song “End of the Line,” Volume 1 played, by The Traveling Wilbury’s, featuring George Harrison, Tom Petty, Roy Orbison, and Jeff Lynne.” Incredible piece of music. Recorded in October 1988.

Orbison died on December 6, 1988, and when Volume 2 of “End of the Line” came out, the video featured a guitar sitting on an empty rocking chair, placed there to honor Orbison. Toward the end of the video, Orbison’s voice is dubbed in. Bob Dylan appeared on the Volume 2 video. I am ending today’s eNewsletter with a link to Volume 2 of “End Of The Line.” Look for the rocking chair, the subtle picture of Roy Orbison and the cameo appearance of Bob Dylan. And the messages in the song to seniors about living a full life. The video has had 99,000,000 views since being originally posted in 2016.

5 tips for overcoming heartbreak

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 20, 2022

by Tom Blake – Columnist

A New You – 5 Tips for overcoming heartbreak (Love will find a way)

Growing old has many rewards: retirement, playing lots of golf, exercising at will, children are grown and usually married and grandchildren for you to enjoy. No more 9-to-5 working pressures. The list is endless.

However, as we age, we also experience loss. We lose loved ones through divorce, breakups, misunderstandings, and death. It’s not just losing a partner. We lose parents, siblings, and dear friends. We are dealt personal hardships. Perhaps we’ve been diagnosed and are dealing with a serious illness.

It’s life, it’s inevitable and it’s hard. When these things happen, we face a new challenge: overcoming our heartbreak and finding a new direction.

How do we do that? How do we become “The new you?”

In writing about senior dating and relationships for 28 years, here are five tips I’ve learned from readers on how to overcome heartbreak. One of the main themes of songs is heartbreak, and how to overcome it. Today, I’m including three songs that I feel can be helpful to get people through tough times and give them hope.

5 tips for overcoming heartbreak

1. It’s understandable and ok to be sad. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be alone (for a time, but not for too long). One of my favorite songs from the 1970s was REM’s “Everybody Hurts.” In a nutshell, that song’s message is: “Everybody hurts sometimes. Hold on.” It’s a powerful song of hope and overcoming adversity. Link at end.

2. Remind yourself that healing takes time. It will sting for a while. In an interview April 21, 2022, on Good Morning America, Robin Roberts asked Magic Johnson (the photo above is of Magic Johnson with Greta Cohn and Tom Blake at Tom’s deli, Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, California, in 2009) how he overcame the news in 1991 that he had HIV. Magic said, “You realize you aren’t alone.” Being aware of this helped him become “A new you.”

The Bee Gees, the 1970s popular singing group was made up of three close-knit brothers. They had many hits, including, “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?” I saw an interview on TV recently with Barry Gibb, about that song and how he dealt with the loss of his three younger brothers, who died years apart. Maurice and Robin were members of the Bee Gees and Andy was much younger but not in the group.

Gibb was devastated. He said, “I moped around for months, there were highs and lows.”

My sisters and I lost my brother Bill a year ago January, it’s taken that long to not think about him every day. I’ve healed, I guess because I no longer daily reach for my phone to call him as I did for months after he passed. Again, healing takes time. And we will never forget.

3. Don’t try to go it alone. Have a support group, if only one or two people. Confide in them and talk to friends; be out socially, if possible. Try not to isolate yourself. Be around people by attending church, volunteering, and going to senior centers. Don’t be afraid to admit your pain.

4. Remind yourself that everything is going to be all right in due time. It may not seem like it when adversity happens. Be as positive as you can. In 1976, Neil Diamond co-wrote and sang live one time the song “Dry Your Eyes,” in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King because so many people were mourning. The song was on the “Beautiful Noise” album. He did not sing it live again until 2017, after the terrorist bombing at an Aria Grande concert in Manchester, England.

Greta and I attended one of his last concerts at the Forum in L.A. in 2018. At least, he unexpectedly (to me) sang “Dry Your Eyes.” I filmed a video of it, which is linked below.

5. Look for a seed of opportunity that often sprouts from adversity. When I was dealt an unexpected divorce in 1994, I started a journal just to gather and organize my thoughts. Six months later, using the words from that journal, I became a newspaper columnist. A seed of opportunity came along, and I grabbed it. I’m still writing 28 years later.

Another song about overcoming heartbreak is by the singing group Pablo Cruise who had a 1978 hit titled “Love Will Find A Way.” Words from that song include:

“Oh, but it’s all right (all right)
Once you get past the pain
(Past the pain)
You’ll learn to find your love again
So keep your heart open
‘Cause love will find a way”

Remember Magic’s words, “You aren’t alone.”

The music:

Here are links to the four songs mentioned.

REM’s Everybody Hurts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfggUztyO00

The Bee Gee’s How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

Neil Diamond Dry Your Eyes (note the trumpet player beginning at the 1:34 mark; he’s incredible

Pablo Cruise’s Love Will Find A Way

Senior dating: Save the last dance for me

Senior dating: Save the last dance for me

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter May 6, 2022

by Tom P. Blake

(Today’s eNewsletter has been edited for clarity, grammar, and wordiness)

Champs responded to last week’s “Big Yellow Taxi” eNewsletter which featured a widow living in Illinois who had met a widower in California at their high school reunion. She called herself a vaycay girl and wondered if she is wasting her time with him.

Jackie, also a widow, emailed: “I try not to make my life about having to find someone, but at age 74, IF I had another love story like meeting Randy at my 50^th reunion, and subsequently marrying him, that would be nice, but I’m trying to be content—one day at a time. I am enjoying the journey and doing what I like to do, including attending my grandchildren’s activities.”

Tom’s comment: We’ve said it before. Attending school reunions can improve one’s chances for finding love in our senior years. After all, the people who meet at reunions share a common past and experiences from years before.

D, emailed: “In my opinion, the Yellow Taxi ‘vaycay’ gal is very lucky. Who in their right mind would leave California for Illinois when everything that person has is in California? (For the man, children, grandchildren, and mother live near him in California).

“That guy’s life, happiness, and stability are also his survival and how to make it after the loss of his wife. He was described as a nice guy, and he is making an attempt at a relationship. The Yellow Taxi gal doesn’t seem to appreciate what she has, not to mention a visit by him after he recovers from his knee surgery.

“She is lucky but is complaining like a spoiled brat.”

Our Champs often comment about the oldies songs that I sometimes link to at the end of my eNewsletters. Last week’s song, Big Yellow Taxi, inspired the mention of another song from a Champ.

Champ Wayne emailed a tidbit about a song that he felt illustrates how a songwriter’s personal adversity didn’t stop him from co-writing and making famous a 1960 classic song.

Wayne wrote, “The Drifters recorded “Save the Last Dance for Me” in 1960 and it became a great hit. “The songwriter, Doc Pomus, suffered from polio when he was a kid and was crippled. However, he sometimes used crutches to get around.

“During an interview on Elvis Costello’s show “Spectacle,” Lou Reed, who worked with Pomus, said the song was written on the day of Pomus’ wedding while the groom who used a wheelchair watched his bride dancing with their guests.”

Tom’s comment: I went online and verified that Pomus co-wrote that song with Mort Shuman and the details Wayne provided in the paragraph above are true. Wayne continued: “Pomus’ wife, Willi Burke, was a Broadway actress and dancer. The song gives Pomus’ perspective of telling his wife to have fun dancing but reminds her who will be taking her home and ‘in whose arms you’re gonna be.’

“Hence, the song. True story and very touching! That’s how this wonderful song was written!”

With Ben E. King on lead vocal, the Drifters made the song a number one hit, and it was later recorded by multiple artists, including Anne Murray. I agree with Wayne that the song reminds us that opportunity often arises from adversity. Through dedication, hard work, and never giving up hope, we can make positive contributions to life and the world. Here’s the link to the Drifters singing, “Save the last dance for me.”

First date senior sex called The Dance

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

April 15 2022

Tom Blake columnist

Senior women have an answer to request for first date sex. A resounding NO! Loud and clear! — Senior Women’s answer to first-date sex. A resounding NO! Do you understand me?

This week, when I received an email about “the dance,” I immediately thought it had something to do with Garth Brooks’ incredible song, “The Dance.” As it turns out, it had nothing to do with the message in Garth’s song.

Diane emailed, “I’ve only been a Champ for a couple of years, but I look forward to receiving your eNewsletter each Friday. I enjoy all the banter and great information. The stories are wonderful. I need your wisdom and experience. I have been stumped lately by something I continue to hear about dating. I think you’ve heard it all and maybe you can give me an update.

“I’ve been told I’m behind the times, that my views on dating don’t work anymore and I need to remember it’s 2022. All these so-called experts may be right. The last time I dated was in 1981.

Widow dating

“I was with my husband for 33 wonderful years and have been a widow for more than seven years. In the 1980s, I went on a date to get to know someone, to laugh, to dance, and to enjoy the time together and build a relationship.

“And here’s what I’m puzzled about: sex wasn’t a first-date consideration back then. But it seems to be now. I’ll explain

“I finally decided to try online dating after my friend and my son set up my online account late one evening after I fell asleep. I needed a kick to get moving.

“I enjoyed most of the conversations and went on a couple of coffee meet ups. After each meet up (the same day) I received requests or invites to come over for sex. Now I enjoy the dance (Diane means sex) and would love to get close again but on the first date? In 1981, we were labeled ‘bad’ girls if we took that course of action.

“I asked a few friends and medical experts about this new ‘dance on the first date.’ I was surprised that out of 10 women, nine told me to dance and NOW! Only one said no.”

“So there is part of my dilemma. I want to dance; I want to build a relationship and I am probably a ‘good’ girl. I also know this is probably something not everyone wants to talk about, but I thought the topic is current and of value. We aren’t getting any younger either.

“If you have up-to-date information or views, I will enjoy hearing what you and other Champs think about the first-date dance. I don’t want to feel that a 68-year-old girl gives up. There is so much more life to live. And there will always be new dance steps!”

Tom’s reply:

Thanks for being a Champ and for writing. I think the 9 out of ten women are wrong. Sex on the first date or until you’ve gotten to know a new person is a bad idea. There are too many dangers, including catching a STD (sexually transmitted disease). Some studies have shown that the fastest growing population segment for STDs is age 55 and older.

Plus, you wouldn’t know the person at all. He might be married, in a committed relationship, or be a scammer or a felon. A man who would request “the dance” lacks class and character.

How would you feel if you had sex with a guy and then he never called you again? You’d feel terrible, cheap, used, etc., and that isn’t a good feeling. So don’t buy into that advice.

You have dignity. Yes, intimacy would be nice but only with a person with whom you are building a relationship. A first-date or second-date hop in the sack isn’t anything more than lust. When is having sex okay? After you’ve established a trust with him.

I think an answer to those men who request first-date intimacy is, “Hey, I enjoy sex, but I need to know a person better than over a few sips of coffee. I’m dating to establish a relationship with someone I’m compatible with. I enjoyed your company. It would be nice to have a few dates and see how we feel about each other.”

If he balks, then he isn’t the person for you.

Are you behind the times? Not from that aspect. Are there things for you to learn? Sure, but don’t think you are wrong on this aspect.

I don’t write much about senior sex; I maybe mention it occasionally but it’s an uncomfortable topic. I’m sure some of our Champs will share their opinions on “the dance,” as you call it.

Look at it this way: If a man didn’t find you attractive, he wouldn’t ask you over for “the dance.”

Link to Garth Brooks’ singing “The Dance.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNaJG0XJaRE

Match.com brings a senior couple together

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

April 1, 2022 eNewsletter #13

by Tom Blake

Terri, 71, Palmdale, California, was one of the 16 Champs included in last week’s eNewsletter. She mentioned that she had recently met a new man who is a great travel partner. I asked if she’d share with us how they met and for more details about their evolving relationship. I told Terri she looked about 40 years old in her picture.

Terri said, “I‘ve always taken good care of myself. I guess I didn’t do too bad in the ‘picking good parents’ derby, either: My mother, a tall, gorgeous redhead, worked as Rita Hayworth’s double at Columbia Studios in the 1940s. She turned heads well into her 70s when she was running for a seat on the Lancaster City Council.

“My father was nearly 6’3” (very tall for that generation) and an imposing figure as well. He was a pioneer in the serve-yourself gasoline business in Los Angeles and “Big John” had the dashing good looks of a George Brent or a Don Ameche. They were a tough act to follow. Thankfully I’ve managed to have an interesting life on my own!

“I met Rob on Match.com, back in the dark ages of 2021, right in the middle of Covid-19, and right after we had both received our second vaccines in February 2021. I guess we were feeling a little invincible.

“He lives in Atascadero and I was considering a move to Paso Robles, near that area, so I put that zip code in a Match.com search to see what the dating pool from age 66-76 might look like. Rob had been widowed for about a year after a very long marriage. His daughter had suggested he give Match a try. He was on there for about a month. I was divorced in 2014 after a 33-year marriage. I was on Match a lot longer than I’d like to admit, however, I met some interesting men and some who remain, dear friends, today.

“I saw but didn’t answer Rob’s profile, thinking it deserved more than a cursory or flippant reply. Surprise, surprise, he then wrote to me, giving his email address and asking if I’d like to begin a conversation? So, I wrote him back.

“We talked on the phone for a couple of weeks and then he invited me to a family barbecue at his house. He sent me a dozen red roses before the BBQ. And it really was a family barbecue: his daughter, her boyfriend, his grandson, his best friend, and her boyfriend. I guess it was the ‘approval committee’ barbecue and I passed!

“We’ve been having fun ever since and I have been thankful for his presence in my life throughout some health problems I encountered (since recovered). My life would have been a lot tougher this past year without Rob’s positivity and his presence. Now it’s time for us to travel some and to have more fun. Life is an adventure!

“Rob owns a nice home where he lives with his daughter and grandson. So, we’ll be something like an LTS (living together separately) couple about 15 minutes away from each other.

“Rob was born and raised in Australia. He enlisted in the Royal Australian Navy at 16 and traveled the world for 20 years, including extensive service in Vietnam. Upon his retirement from the Navy, he was a ranking officer. He helps his fellow RAN (Royal Australian Navy) officers celebrate ANZAC day each year (see Rob’s photo).

“After his military retirement, he lived a dozen years in England and six years in France, working as an antique dealer. His American wife wanted to return to the US, which brought them to California, and the Central Coast where he has lived for the past 24 years. Kind of an International guy, no? Love that Aussie accent, and Rob’s a great travel partner!

“He’s an honest and up-front guy, with a high energy level to boot! I would say that persistence and resilience are two of the best qualities one can possess if you want to meet someone and pursue that through dating sites. “Thanks for your columns, Tom, and for all I’ve learned from you about life and being a ‘senior single’ in the past 7+ years!”

Part 2
RETA – “No Grumping for me”

Reta, 84, Cincinnati, emailed: “No Grumping for me. After reading all the comments from the ‘young champs,’ I had to comment on my situation. I’m 84 and babysit my three great-grandkids ages 2,4, and 6 three days a week. This is when I notice fewer aches and pains and enjoy life. Sometimes I’m driving the 30-minute drive home after dark-not a problem.

“I also volunteer to crochet shawls for a hospital. I have different groups of friends to keep in contact with. I don’t walk as easily as I used to, but I keep walking and keep doing. Tell that grumpy man that he needs to do the same.”

Tom’s response to Reta, “Good on ya! I like your comment about being around the great-grandkids helping to keep you thinking young. And driving after dark? Courageous. And volunteering. You’ve got all the healthy buttons pushed. “Proud of you. Keep it up!”

Senior hugging season is year around

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – February 25, 2022

By Tom Blake – author and columnist

I don’t make this stuff up. But, I do say that senior hugging season is year around.

My email address is on a journalist mailing list. The list includes writers who cover the topic of love, dating, and life in general. Because I’m on the mailing list, I receive daily “pitch” emails from public relations firms asking me to write about their topics.

Most of the emailers have no clue that my audience is comprised of people aged 60-90. Here are two examples of the emails I receive:

Email received January 17, 2022:

“With cuffing season finally here, singles are on the prowl for love and intimacy during these turbulent times. But finding a partner is difficult during a global pandemic.

“Is it okay to hug after a first date?”

“Would your date rather sit inside or out?”

“Do you ask whether the respective partner is vaccinated?”

“How to make your current relationship maintain its spark despite pandemic stress.”

And then the email offered an interview with a dating expert named Sarah Rose. Rose’s credits state she is a certified tantric sex, love, and relationship coach.

That email baffled me. I don’t think seniors are on the prowl. I had to check the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website to get the definition of what “cuffing season” is and how it might possibly apply to our demographic.

The dictionary site stated: “Cuffing season refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short-term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year. Cuffing season usually begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine’s Day. The use of the word cuff references handcuffs, but is slang in the same vein as ‘hooking up’ or ‘getting hitched.’”

I had never heard the cuffing season words used in the context of senior dating.

Also, I checked a website called BetterHelp for the definition of tantric love. It stated, “You may need upwards of a few hours to successfully carry out a tantric lovemaking session. This is no romp in the hay. This is an activity that encourages relaxation, meditation, and taking things very slowly.”

My opinion: Seniors might have the time, but not the stamina, patience, or interest to exercise tantric love.

And I wondered why the email arrived on January 17, about three months after cuffing season usually begins, and only a month before it usually ends. It must have been a “slow day” in the public relations business.

Now, about those four questions. (1) Hug on a first date? Are they kidding? Hugs are great even with friends and family, let alone on a first date. True, during the pandemic, hugs were kind of shut down even with masks on. To seniors, hugging is an important form of friendship expression. Most of us grew up enjoying hugs. On a first date? You betcha!

Unlike Cuffing Season, Hugging Season is year-around.

(2) “Sit inside or outside?” I think most everybody would prefer to sit outside. But seniors aren’t likely to dump someone simply because they’d prefer to sit inside, especially during rain, snow, windy conditions, or excessive heat. A person’s health may determine where they want to sit.

(3) “Ask if vaccinated?” During the pandemic, yes. But do it before meeting face-to-face.

There would be no use in going on a first date not knowing who is or isn’t vaccinated. If being vaccinated is important to you, ask early in the first communication, so neither party wastes time.

(4) “How to make your current relationship maintain its spark?”

Now this question might apply to approximately 35 percent of our Champs who are in relationships. I was tempted to call the tantric woman to see what she suggests but with approximately 65 percent of our readers being single and not in relationships, I thought calling her wouldn’t help most of our Champs.

For people in relationships during the pandemic, I think the key is consideration for one’s mate and to utilize Netflix and YouTube TV to help keep the relationship fresh. Also, tackling household projects together might give the relationship a boost.

A second email, dated February 22, left me scratching my head

It stated: “…the personal-finance website Wallet-Hub today released its report on 2022’s Most Sinful States…To determine where the U.S. has the most moral growing to do, Wallet-Hub compared the 50 states based on seven sinful behaviors: anger and hatred, jealousy, excesses and vices, greed, lust, vanity and laziness.”

I am curious how they measured each of those sinful behaviors? And to rub salt into the wound, the report says California is the most sinful. Oh my, I guess I’d better check my jealously, lust, and laziness.

I don’t think seniors are going to make dramatic changes in their lives to move to states where sinfulness is lower. I can hear the boo-birds already, stating that Wallet-Hub validates that so many people are moving out of California (no one mentions the number of people moving here). Oh gosh, I hope we can all get back to a fairly normal life soon. The pandemic has been playing with our minds for long enough.

Part 2 – Fraud – When Harry met Scammy

Thanks to Champ Ellen for this reminder about romance scams. Up 80 % in 2021

“Take a seat, outdoor dining—the hottest trend in dating is being scammed out of thousands of dollars by a professional fraudster. New data released by the FTC reveals that romance scams reached an all-time high in 2021, up nearly 80% from 2020. “That stat might explain why The Tinder Swindler, Netflix’s latest true-crime doc about a man accused of conning women on Tinder out of $10 million, has led the global Netflix charts since it debuted on February 2.

“According to the FTC, people have lost $1.3 billion to romance scams in the last five years—$547 million of which came (or left) in 2021. It’s a steep jump from 2017, when losses from such scams totaled $87 million. 56,000 romance scams were reported to the FTC in 2021.The median individual loss for people scammed out of crypto by a catphish: $9,770

“While the highest individual losses were incurred by people 70 and older (with median individual losses of $9,000) the FTC warned that savvy scammers have had success with every age bracket.”

Note from Tom: On Tuesday night, Greta and I watched The Tinder Swindler on Netflix. It’s a couple of hours long. Three women who were swindled are featured—one loss $250,000–which is incredible that she allowed that to happen.

The swindler led an extravagant lifestyle, using women’s money to fund his operation. It is incredible how professional he was. I won’t tell you what happens in the end, but the key takeaway is: If someone appears or sounds to be too good to be true, trust your instincts and stay away from that person. Don’t give anybody money, unless you understand it won’t be paid back. I don’t want any of our Champs to get scammed. If you have been, share the details with us.

Northern California Road Trip

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter February 18, 2022

2022 eNewsletter #7

by Tom Blake – columnist

NORTHERN CALIFORNIA ROAD TRIP

A Costco promotional email arrived in my inbox yesterday morning with this subject line: “Escape the humdrum – spring was made for travel.” Those words are appropriate for today’s eNewsletter.

When the pandemic began in 2020, my partner Greta and I canceled a train trip to Washington state to visit relatives of hers. The Seattle area was the first Covid-19 “hot spot” in the United States. Since then, we have not traveled except on two-hour road trips to our Palm Springs vacation home, and once last fall, to San Luis Obispo for two days.

When Greta received a “use it or lose it by March 1” message from a timeshare company, we decided to use the week to take a road trip. There was a cute place available in mid-February in the city of Napa in wine country that we booked for a week’s stay.

Napa is about a 10-hour drive from our home in Dana Point. That’s too many hours of driving for us in one day. We used to do it when my mom was living in Sonoma, a few miles west of Napa. But our bodies can’t handle that anymore.

We decided to visit as many old friends as possible on this trip. It has been such an enjoyable and nostalgic week, I decided to share some highlights and observations with you today. The cardinal requirement (for me at least) was to be settled into our timeshare an hour or so before Super Bowl kickoff on Sunday.

Day 1, Friday, February 11

We departed Dana Point last Friday shortly after 9 a.m. LA traffic is—well—LA traffic. A nightmare. We arrived at Harris Ranch, on the I-5 Freeway near Coalinga by 3 p.m. This is a wonderful place to stay. Check it out on the link at the end of today’s article. It’s a large historic inn with a gas station and a couple of restaurants.

The inn is surrounded by acres of farmland and a massive cattle feedlot nearby, which is particularly evident when going outside in the early morning. Putting the odor nicely, the cows have been busy during the night.

We decided to have wine and dinner in our comfortable room. So, I walked over to a BBQ express carry-out place within the inn’s grounds and brought dinner back. Harris Ranch has been in existence since 1937. Highly recommended with free parking and 24-hour security patrolling the grounds.

Day 3 – Super Bowl Sunday

On Super Bowl, Sunday morning, Greta and I drove north on Highway 1 along the coast to Highway 92, which heads east toward San Mateo and then across the San Mateo-Hayward Bridge to the East Bay. Destination: Sunshine Saloon, Pleasanton, to drop off two cases of my “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” books.

Bob Rossi, the Sunshine Saloon owner, opened the Saloon 41 years ago after working at Victoria Station. His saloon is more popular now than ever. Bob and I have been friends for 49 years. We attended the Mardi Gras together in 1974.

Greta said their brunch item Salmon Benedict is the best she’s ever tasted.

From Pleasanton, Greta and I drove up the 680 Freeway, crossing the Benicia-Martinez Bridge over the Sacramento River, to the US 12 westbound turnoff, to the city of Napa.

We arrived at 1:15 at the RiverPointe Napa Valley Resort cabins and were able to check in immediately—more than two hours before Super Bowl kickoff.

An hour later, I attempted to turn on the Super Bowl pregame coverage only to discover the NBC channel wouldn’t work. I telephoned the front desk. They said, “We’re sorry, our wi-fi isn’t working properly. However, we will have the game on a TV upstairs in the main building.” We reserved two spots.

I went to Safeway to get us something for dinner. When I came back, we got pregame coverage on Telemundo, the Spanish-speaking station. We decided we could handle that and enjoy the game in our cabin. The commercials were mostly in English and of course, the halftime was mostly in English. We watched the Rams eke out a victory over Bengals.

Day 4 – Monday, Valentine’s Day

I was up before 7. I had to figure out how the coffee maker worked and where kitchen stuff was. Thank heavens for the breakfast leftovers from the day before at the Sunshine Saloon.

Greta and I took a ride through the city of Napa and were surprised at how old many of the houses are. We shopped at Safeway, so had food to eat when not dining out. There was a huge Valentine’s Day display inside the entrance. It was our 23^rd Valentine’s Day together.

Day 5 – Tuesday, February 15

We departed RiverPointe at 9:30 a.m. Drove an hour to Mill Valley, in Marin County. First stop, the home of Bill and Anne Wamsley, who live in the same Harbor Pointe complex that my sister Christine lives in.

Had a half-hour catch-up with Bill, aka “Wams.” Anne was at work. Wams and I also worked together at Victoria Station in the 1980s.

Second stop, to rendezvous with sister Christine. Greta and I followed Christine in her car to San Anselmo a nearby city. Our mission was to visit the Heldfond Book Gallery, a bookstore that purchases rare books. I had packed in the car two books that came from our mom’s estate that I had decided to sell (as a part of our downsizing), and Christine had one to sell as well.

The street construction around the bookstore made it impossible to park nearby. We walked three blocks to get to the store, only to discover that they were closed. There was no sign on the door; we assumed it was likely due to the construction.

Then, Christine took us to Rustic Bakery – Magnolia, in Larkspur, a great bakery/deli, where we celebrated her birthday with lunch. From there, Greta and I drove north to Santa Rosa, for a quick stop at Oakmont, an age-55-plus community, where Mom had lived for 33 years. We drove past both homes she had occupied. I must admit, seeing those two homes gave me a tug on the heartstrings.

We drove past the real estate office where realtor Nancy DeVoto works. Nancy was the agent who sold both of Mom’s homes. Greta said, “Let’s stop and say hello to Nancy; she might be there today.”

We stopped. We were told she was in a meeting with clients. One of the agents said, “I recognize you. Nancy would be heartbroken to miss you. Let me tell Nancy you are here.”Nancy came out and gave us big hugs. We chatted for a minute. And then, Greta and I drove through Sonoma back to RiverPointe in Napa. A wonderful, heart-wrenching day for me.

Day 6 – Wednesday

Napa Valley wine country

For lunch, we drove north a few miles to an exquisite restaurant named Bistro Don Geovanni, where we were joined by former Victoria Station co-workers, George and Nanci McCullagh. It was their 42nd wedding anniversary. My mom used to love to dine there.

We sat outside, enjoying the view of vineyards surrounding the restaurant. This restaurant is a must to visit, considered by many restaurant critics to be the finest in Napa County. Great service. Great food, and atmosphere.

After lunch, we drove north 15 miles to the city of St. Helena, in the heart of Napa Valley. Our mission was to see the memorial park named for the McCullagh’s son, Stephen C. McCullagh, who died at age 29 in a tragic lightning strike on July 28, 2005, while leading a Boy Scout troop who were camping near Mt. Whitney.
The small park is tucked away on Crinella Drive in St. Helena and hard to find; I went into the post office where an employee gave me directions.

Day 8 – Friday – Meeting family and friends

For lunch, Greta’s brother Peter, and his wife Barbara, drove from Petaluma to have lunch with us.

For dinner, Bob Freeman, one of the three original founders of Victoria Station, and his significant other, Andrea, met us for dinner at Q, a bbq restaurant in Napa. I handed over a case of “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” books to Bob. He uses them for promotion in the BV Restaurant in San Francisco, which he owns. The BV is known inventing the Irish Coffee cocktail. They’ve sold over 50 million of them.

Day 9 – Napa with an overnight stay at Harris Ranch Again
And, in case you are wondering, yes, we did enjoy some nice Napa Valley wine link to Harris Ranch website

Senior couples enjoy life despite pandemic

For details, see couple # 4’s story below

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletterDecember 10, 2021
by Tom Blake author and columnist

Four senior couples enjoying life in spite of the pandemic

1   Champ Art says Meetup.com is not just for singles
Art, 83, Margate, Florida, emailed, “I hope that as hospitalizations for Covid continue to go down, the senior single scene will increase. Meetup.com groups are active and becoming more popular, and not just for singles. “I belong to a Meetup group called Single Events and Partys 45 Plus. Recently, about 30 of us went to a large restaurant for a twin lobster dinner for $30.00. I brought my lady friend Jyude; we all had a fun evening.

“A week ago Wednesday, 20 members of the group celebrated their birthdays together at a local Benihana and a few weeks earlier 50 members of the group went on a Caribbean cruise. “Meetup groups are a great way for all seniors—not just singles–to meet for activities ranging from hiking, visiting museums, and a host of other activities.

“The group I belong to started 14 years ago, and most of the members range from their 60’s and 70’s to a few members in their early 80’s. I’m 83.”

2   Andy, 87, San Clemente, Ca, finds online success

Andy (name changed by request) shared, “I have had several dates mostly via online dating services and that’s difficult—a frustrating way to go. Never just the right chemistry. “However, six months ago, I connected online using the dating site OurTime, with a genuine, wonderful woman.“We have a fabulous relationship and so much in common. She’s 77 and very active and smart. And, she has no problem sharing expenses!

“In fact, she goes overboard. Very loving and a great sense of humor. We are so busy going and doing. “I’ve been a widower for four years (after a 63-year marriage) and she’s been widowed eight years (after a 44-year marriage). We are so happy and it’s a match made in heaven.“We both consider ourselves to be very lucky indeed!”

3   Update from Ginny, 80, and Harry, 87, (Pennsylvania) our NY Times couple, who married in September but still live apart (LAT relationship)

After last week’s column about the status of senior dating as 2022 approaches, newlywed Ginny wrote, “Harry and I are doing great. Our LAT-M (Living Apart Together while married) arrangement is working out very well.

“We had been so wrapped up in our wedding plans this year that I was unaware of how challenging the year had been for other singles. Your newsletter reminded me of how fortunate we are.

“I am on the council of our local senior center. Our holiday party is today. Because Harry must take his son for tests, he can’t be with me at the event, so I will get a taste of what it is like to go ‘single.’ I think it will make me more empathetic toward those women without dates. I will look around for a ‘lonely looking face’ and try to make that person feel special.”

4   Jackie, Georgia, ventures online and meets a nice gentleman and credits her deceased husband

Jackie emailed a month ago, “I don’t like online dating, but I found a file in my deceased husband’s) filing cabinet after Randy died in 2017. The file was from 2006, nine years before he and I met. It was a nice profile of a lady on the website Christian Café (Randy never threw anything away!). I don’t know if he reached out to her, but I liked what she had written and put it back thinking IF I ever get on a service, I’ll follow her example of sharing.

“Recently, one lonely day I went online to check out a free one-week trial on that same Christian Café website. I didn’t continue after the week but later received offers for a free day or two. I went online and noticed a man named Ken who lives about 25 miles from me here in Georgia, to where I have just relocated.

“I mentioned to Ken that I hadn’t been able to give any of my info to him because I wasn’t a paid Christian Café member. And said if he was interested, he could write me. It wasn’t until my next free day online that I saw he had written me four times and now I had his email.

“We have been seeing each other several times a week and have been going to church together since Sept. 12. Time will tell if it’s to be something more.  “I don’t know why I feel funny when people ask how we met. I only knew about this site after finding that file–in Randy’s old file cabinet.

“I’ve said that many things about my life are all because of Randy’s kindness! Meeting Ken is because of Randy.  “I attended a car show where Ken’s 1931 Ford Model A Deluxe Roadster won first place. It’s been interesting to see that our paths have had the same journey with a divorce and now having lost our special mates.

“It’s been almost five years since my Randy passed; he and I met at our 50^th class reunion. This latest encounter will be interesting to see if there will be a third time for both Ken and me.”

Tom’s comment: Thanks Champs for the nice stories. The pandemic has slowed us, but not stopped us from (carefully) getting out and about.

Senior dating status as 2022 approaches

Sunset over Catalina Island from Waldorf Astoria Resort, with friends, Dana Point, California, November 2021

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – December 3, 2021

by Tom Blake author and columnist

The senior dating status as 2022 approaches

The year 2021 changed senior dating dramatically. Covid 19 was the culprit. In-person social events were canceled or switched to being presented virtually.

For example, I had a “Senior-dating-in-the-digital-age” speech scheduled for September 24 requested by the Orange County Aging Services Collaborative. I was to appear at the Dorothy Visser Senior Center in San Clemente before an audience of 50 people.

My talk was scheduled to be aired simultaneously to nine other OC senior centers with an expected live audience of 40-50 people at each center for a total of 500 people. I was hoping one or two potential couples would meet at each center, but because of Covid, the speech went entirely to Zoom so none of the 500 people could meet in person.

During the pandemic, libraries, restaurants, bars, social clubs, and other gathering spots were closed or open with limited access and saddled with mask restrictions and six-feet apart requirements. Senior social interaction was reduced by at least 80 percent (my guestimate) for most of the year.

Face-to-face meetings, which are essential in cultivating relationships, were rare. Most seniors understandably didn’t want to risk catching Covid. Yes, restrictions have been lifted somewhat in the last three months, but many seniors are still leery and hesitant to venture out. To combat the face-to-face restrictions, many seniors, not all, turned to internet dating, which is a great way to meet new people.

Romance scams and romance scammers

However, singles weren’t the only people using internet dating sites. Romance scammers used the sites to spoof and scam vulnerable seniors. Some seniors tragically lost their savings. The pandemic has been tough on couples who live in different states or countries. Canada’s border was closed for months, which made seeing a loved one in person who lived in Canada nearly impossible. And vice versa for Canadiens.

People in long-distance relationships saw each other less often than they liked. Even flying and driving long distances to see a loved one within the United States was challenging. Larry, a friend, and former neighbor I’ve known for 28 years met a woman in the Philippines Islands a few years ago. He lived with her there but came home to the USA on a short business trip just before Covid started. Since then, he’s had nine trips scheduled to return to be with her but each time the P.I. government did not allow him to reenter the country.

I asked him this week, “Did you finally get to the P.I?” Larry responded, “Still in the OC. Patience has turned to anger, and I really don’t care if I ever go back to the Philippines! But, Emy and I really love each other, so we have other destinations in consideration.”

During the pandemic, I’ve received many inquiries from readers about where they can go to meet someone or if I know of someone that might be right for them. It surprises me when I respond to them with comments or suggestions, some don’t have the courtesy to respond back. How the heck can I help them during this difficult time if that’s how they operate? And do they treat potential dates that way?

And now, there’s a new Covid Variant called Omicron that is possibly contagious and dangerous. Will that make senior dating more difficult again? That’s hard to say, but it certainly is creating more uncertainty. In the 26 years, I’ve been writing about senior dating and relationships, I’ve never seen the senior singles scene so challenging.

Last month, Greta and I met our friends Ron and Lee at the renamed Waldorf Astoria Resort in Dana Point for happy hour and to watch the sunset. Neither couple had been out with friends much for more than a year. The picture above was taken from our outdoor table. Catalina Island is on the horizon. I suggest singles try to get out with vaccinated friends, but oh-so-carefully. Wear masks, avoid crowded places, gather outside when possible. Be vaccinated.

Network through friends and organizations by asking people if they know of other singles who would like to meet people. That was the old-fashioned way of meeting potential mates pre-internet. Also, consider internet dating, but if you go that route, do so carefully. Beware of scammers; they lurk on every site. Trust your instincts. And if you do connect online with someone interesting, meeting in person sure has its challenges. Don’t give up. Modify your expectations. You never know who’s around the corner or in the next aisle at a store. Be friendly. Be upbeat. That guy wearing the Santa Claus suit and beard might be perfect for you.

Hopefully, 2022 will be better for senior dating. We’ll keep you posted.

Part 2 – One more “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark” book signing

My third, and likely final book signing for my recently published book, is scheduled for Saturday, December 11 at, where else? Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. If any of you would like an autographed copy shipped to you, I will sign and mail one for $24.00, which includes tax, shipping, and handling. Simply email me at tompblake@gmail.com.