Tag: Dry Your Eyes

A Tribute to Greta Cohn – 6 Songs

Maya Angelo and Gret

My favorite picture of Greta. Handing Maya Angelou my new book at an AARP Convention in 2009 (photo by Tom Blake)
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter 

November 11, 2022

Loving Her Was Easier than anything I’ll ever do again

By Columnist Tom Blake 

 Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)

A few years ago, my partner Greta asked, “Is there anything you want me to do as far as a ceremony if you pass away?”

I replied, “I don’t want a funeral, but if you have a celebration of life for me, I’d like you to play six of my favorite most meaningful songs by the original artists. Make a tape of them and play each song. I insist they are the recorded version and not by a tribute band or some other artist.”

Greta said, “Will you write them down for me?”

I did, and here is the list:

1 Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again) by Kris Kristofferson

2. If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks 

3. Sunday Morning Coming Down by Johnny Cash (written by Kris Kristofferson)

 4. The Dance by Garth Brooks

5. Dry Your Eyes by Neil Diamond 

6. Dreaming My Dreams by Waylon Jennings 

Of course, when I handed the list to Greta, I didn’t expect that someday I’d be playing one or more of those songs in her memory. They are all country and Western songs and Greta–when we first met–wasn’t a country fan and didn’t know much about country music. I love country music because it’s so expressive and written from the heart.

Over the years, Greta started to enjoy it. I about fell over when she asked me to play a video of Freddy Fender singing, “Before The Next Teardrop Falls.”

Fender wasn’t country, he was a Tex-Mex Tejano singer, but when she said that, I knew she had expanded her music-loving horizons to a point she had never expected.

There was no way I felt that I would outlive Greta. (Greta Cohn passed away two weeks ago, October 29). In her honor, I am including a link to the first song on the list, Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again,) at the end of today’s eNewsletter.

Next, I must tell you how overwhelmed I am by the emails you Champs sent me last week. There were so many that it took me three days to either respond to each one or at least, archive each one.

If what you emailed me is not included in today’s column, please understand, there wasn’t enough space, although they were all incredible and each one touched me deeply.

My intention in this week’s eNewsletter is not to get syrupy or drag you through my grief, but rather it’s to ensure I clearly express my appreciation for the caring and outpouring of love you sent to Greta and to me.

My first realization was how many of you Champs have also lost loved ones in your lives. Your messages about your experiences have helped me greatly and hopefully will help others when the need arises.

John said, “I can relate to your feelings as I’ve lost two wives to cancer.”

Victoria added, “I have been in your shoes, 13 years ago, my husband of 25 years died.”

Beverly emailed, “My husband died in late July.”

A male Champ said, “My former wife was a special ed teacher (as was Greta) and special education teachers are so important they get to be in the express lane when they get to heaven.”

My second realization was how much Champs loved Greta, although most hadn’t met her in person.

While each email was special to me, I’d like to share a few that truly hit home.

Anne, a widow living in Arizona, who was married to a high school classmate of mine, wrote, “After my husband died, I went to a grief workshop. One of the things they taught was what they call STUGS. It stands for the Sudden Temporary Uptake of Grief. These hit at unpredictable times. Sometimes, I could identify a trigger, but other times they just came like a bolt out of the blue.”

Oh my gosh, I clearly understood what Anne described. I’m certain other Champs have experienced STUGS themselves. They are like earthquakes and can arrive in clusters or one at a time. At least now I understand they are normal reactions to losing love, whether a partner, family member, friend or even a pet. I’ve had a plethora of STUGs this week.

Mark, another Champ, emailed saying he and his siblings are forever grateful to Greta for laying her hands on the gravestones of his parents in a cemetery in American Samoa. Greta and I visited Mark’s parents’ graves four years ago while on an extensive cruise in Asia and the Pacific.

Francine wrote, “I know how you feel as my husband passed away unexpectedly in 2012 at age 67. A year later, I started to date Bob. He passed away in 2017 at age 69. Healing takes time. You don’t get over it; you just get through it.”

Ray wrote, “To be overwhelmed by grief, you must be overwhelmed by love. You had a relationship to be treasured and remembered.”

Marty stated, “I’m bawling like a baby, after reading your column for so many years, I felt I knew Greta. She was very special.”

There are no words

One theme that was mentioned in many emails was the feeling that there are no words spoken that can make the pain go away. For example, Rhen’s email began “Words fail at this time…”

Jessica, wrote, “There are no words…” 

Carolyn emailed, “Words can never express how sorrowful I feel…”

And, Terry said, “Tears are falling…I could see the love and respect you both had for each other.”

And then, there were endless heartwarming emails. Here are three:

Elenute wrote, “Thank you, Tom, for being in our life, too.”

Nigelle said, “When sorrow’s shadow lessens, you will know Greta in every flower and every sunrise.”

Jessica emailed, “You and Greta felt like family.”

I will end this eNewsletter with a message from Deanne who wrote, “I hope you continue writing for many years. It brings us laughter and the true reality of being over 50. It gives us knowledge, and hope, and brightens our days. I don’t sleep well, so, early on Friday mornings, I’m always looking for what you’ve written.”

Thanks to all of you for being virtually by my side during this very difficult time. I feel the power of love from each of you.

Link to “Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbhkqQTgnv4

5 tips for overcoming heartbreak

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 20, 2022

by Tom Blake – Columnist

A New You – 5 Tips for overcoming heartbreak (Love will find a way)

Growing old has many rewards: retirement, playing lots of golf, exercising at will, children are grown and usually married and grandchildren for you to enjoy. No more 9-to-5 working pressures. The list is endless.

However, as we age, we also experience loss. We lose loved ones through divorce, breakups, misunderstandings, and death. It’s not just losing a partner. We lose parents, siblings, and dear friends. We are dealt personal hardships. Perhaps we’ve been diagnosed and are dealing with a serious illness.

It’s life, it’s inevitable and it’s hard. When these things happen, we face a new challenge: overcoming our heartbreak and finding a new direction.

How do we do that? How do we become “The new you?”

In writing about senior dating and relationships for 28 years, here are five tips I’ve learned from readers on how to overcome heartbreak. One of the main themes of songs is heartbreak, and how to overcome it. Today, I’m including three songs that I feel can be helpful to get people through tough times and give them hope.

5 tips for overcoming heartbreak

1. It’s understandable and ok to be sad. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be alone (for a time, but not for too long). One of my favorite songs from the 1970s was REM’s “Everybody Hurts.” In a nutshell, that song’s message is: “Everybody hurts sometimes. Hold on.” It’s a powerful song of hope and overcoming adversity. Link at end.

2. Remind yourself that healing takes time. It will sting for a while. In an interview April 21, 2022, on Good Morning America, Robin Roberts asked Magic Johnson (the photo above is of Magic Johnson with Greta Cohn and Tom Blake at Tom’s deli, Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, California, in 2009) how he overcame the news in 1991 that he had HIV. Magic said, “You realize you aren’t alone.” Being aware of this helped him become “A new you.”

The Bee Gees, the 1970s popular singing group was made up of three close-knit brothers. They had many hits, including, “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?” I saw an interview on TV recently with Barry Gibb, about that song and how he dealt with the loss of his three younger brothers, who died years apart. Maurice and Robin were members of the Bee Gees and Andy was much younger but not in the group.

Gibb was devastated. He said, “I moped around for months, there were highs and lows.”

My sisters and I lost my brother Bill a year ago January, it’s taken that long to not think about him every day. I’ve healed, I guess because I no longer daily reach for my phone to call him as I did for months after he passed. Again, healing takes time. And we will never forget.

3. Don’t try to go it alone. Have a support group, if only one or two people. Confide in them and talk to friends; be out socially, if possible. Try not to isolate yourself. Be around people by attending church, volunteering, and going to senior centers. Don’t be afraid to admit your pain.

4. Remind yourself that everything is going to be all right in due time. It may not seem like it when adversity happens. Be as positive as you can. In 1976, Neil Diamond co-wrote and sang live one time the song “Dry Your Eyes,” in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King because so many people were mourning. The song was on the “Beautiful Noise” album. He did not sing it live again until 2017, after the terrorist bombing at an Aria Grande concert in Manchester, England.

Greta and I attended one of his last concerts at the Forum in L.A. in 2018. At least, he unexpectedly (to me) sang “Dry Your Eyes.” I filmed a video of it, which is linked below.

5. Look for a seed of opportunity that often sprouts from adversity. When I was dealt an unexpected divorce in 1994, I started a journal just to gather and organize my thoughts. Six months later, using the words from that journal, I became a newspaper columnist. A seed of opportunity came along, and I grabbed it. I’m still writing 28 years later.

Another song about overcoming heartbreak is by the singing group Pablo Cruise who had a 1978 hit titled “Love Will Find A Way.” Words from that song include:

“Oh, but it’s all right (all right)
Once you get past the pain
(Past the pain)
You’ll learn to find your love again
So keep your heart open
‘Cause love will find a way”

Remember Magic’s words, “You aren’t alone.”

The music:

Here are links to the four songs mentioned.

REM’s Everybody Hurts:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfggUztyO00

The Bee Gee’s How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

Neil Diamond Dry Your Eyes (note the trumpet player beginning at the 1:34 mark; he’s incredible

Pablo Cruise’s Love Will Find A Way

Dry Your Eyes and other senior dating topics

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – July 5, 2019
Thomas P Blake  columnist for 25 years

There are three parts to today’s eNewsletter 

I call it “Dry Your Eyes” and “Senior dating topics”

Part One – Someone tell me why people who send long emails don’t respond when I answer?

As a journalist, I admit, I’m sometimes baffled. Here’s why:

An email arrives in my inbox. It could be from a Champ, but not necessarily. It could be from someone who isn’t on our eNewsletter mailing list. Perhaps, she or he did a Google search about relationships and my Finding Love After 50 website popped up. Through the website, the sender contacted me.

If the topic pertains to what I write about in this eNewsletter—relationships, dating most likely, or relevant senior issues–I’m all ears. Because I’ve done this drill for 25 years, I can generally tell in a sentence or two if the material has column potential.

The email is often long: one, two, or three full pages–1,000 or even 2,000 words. It likely took an hour, probably more, to write. Sometimes, more often than not, there are no paragraph breaks. So, I separate the material into paragraphs. The email usually ends with the sender asking for advice or comments.

As a courtesy, I attempt to respond immediately, simply to let the sender know I received the email and that I will reply in detail when I have time.

Later, after I’ve had a chance to assimilate and perhaps dissect what was written, I will respond with questions or comments to clarify any confusion with what’s written. If I feel the information is column-worthy, I will ask for permission to publish what was sent, even though at this point I’m not sure I will use it.

By column-worthy, I mean, information that Champs will find interesting, entertaining, or helpful.

I don’t charge for my time. I figure my payment is being able to use the information that was sent to me. In that way, these weekly eNewsletters can always be fresh. New information flows in. It’s a system I’ve used for years and it works.

But here’s what baffles me.

Often, not always, even though I’ve responded, I hear nothing more from the sender. Why did the sender put his or her valuable time into writing me, and then not follow up?

Was she just venting to make herself feel better? Did she figure out the answers on her own? Did she get sick, or, heaven forbid, pass away?

When I hear nothing more, I assume that I’ve received permission to use the information, since the sender asked for my comments, but I change the name so the chances of the person being identified are remote.

Such was the case last week with Judy, age 78, the woman who was never married. She was the one conflicted about moving to the boonies to be with her boyfriend of two years. She felt she and he were too different. Her email was around 1,000 words. Not a peep back from her after I responded to her twice.

And I checked Mail Chimp, the email marketing platform that I use to publish the eNewsletters, which shows who opened each eNewsletter, and who didn’t. She didn’t even bother to open last Friday’s eNewsletter, the one that exclusively featured her story and the sage advice tailored to her situation.

Someone please tell me why this happens.

Part 2 – Neil Diamond Broadway Musical (I hope he includes the song, “Dry Your Eyes”
It was announced this week that a Broadway musical about the life and music of Neil Diamond is being written by New Zealander, three-time Academy Award nominee, Anthony McCarten. He is best known for writing the smash movie musical “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

I think most of you are aware how much I love Diamond’s song, “Dry Your Eyes.” I tried to suggest to McCarten on Facebook that he include that song in the musical. Couldn’t find a good Facebook page for him.

But, I saw that Neil Diamond posted on his own Facebook page a response to the announcement news of the upcoming musical production. Diamond wrote, “So good, so good.” And most of us know that is from Diamond’s song, “Sweet Caroline,” where the audience, all together, chants out those words.

So I put my “Dry Your Eyes” suggestion on Diamond’s Facebook page. I think he’s got like 1.5 million followers so there’s about a 99.9 percent chance he won’t see my suggestion. If “Dry Your Eyes” is included in the musical, I will take Greta to New York to see it (I probably will take her to NYC to see it even if “Dry Your Eyes” doesn’t make the cut).

I provided the link to my YouTube video of him singing that song two weeks ago. And included it at the column end again today.

Part 3 – Why senior singles need to get out and interact with people

I realize that most of our Champs can’t attend the monthly Meet and Greets at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point. It’s just not geographically feasible. But, that doesn’t mean they can’t get out and about and interact socially with people near where they live across the USA and Canada, and in a few other countries.

It’s important to socialize. You never know what might happen; you might meet someone new. The perfect example was last week in Dana Point. When I first saw Jim and Beverly at the May Meet and Greet, Jim (in the red shirt with his back to the photo) was seated at a table with his buddy. Beverly was seated at a table with four other women (to the left of Jim’s table). The chances of them meeting seemed remote to me–they weren’t mingling.


Women and men at separate tables in the early moments of the May 22 Meet and Greet (photo by Tom Blake)

Apparently, Beverly didn’t find this “women-only-at-one-table and men-only-at-another table” arrangement acceptable. She took the initiative to be assertive by moving to Jim’s table and introduced herself. And guess what? A month later at the June Meet and Greet, they attended together. Might it become a relationship? Who knows? But, new friends were made.


Beverly and Jim: What a difference a month makes (photo by Tom Blake)

This would never have happened if they hadn’t gotten off the couch and out of the house. Goes to show…if it can happen in little old Dana Point, it can happen anywhere else where singles find themselves.

Another example of making it happen were Don and Edie. They attended. They met on Match.com in May, 2018. Handsome couple, don’t you think?


Don and Edie – met on Match.com in May, 2018

Link to Neil Diamond singing Dry Your Eyes at LA Forum, August, 2017:

https://youtu.be/riPIMKjYFWA 

Dry Your Eyes – McStay Family 9-year ordeal coming to an end

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 14, 2019 

by Columnist Tom Blake

“Dry Your Eyes,” a nine-year ordeal coming to an end

This January, I wrote a column titled, “The McStay Family Deserves Closure.” In one way, it was easy for me to write, as I was closely acquainted with the people affected. In another way, it was difficult to write, as it was deeply personal to me.

That January article described an ordeal that the McStay Family—my ex-wife Susan and former stepson Mikey—have been through over the past nine years.

Background: While on a business trip to Dallas, Texas, in the mid-1980s, I met Susan McStay. In 1987, Susan and one of her sons, Mikey, moved to live with me in San Rafael, California. A few months later, her other son, Joey, joined us.

Six months after that, the four of us relocated to Dana Point in southern Orange County. She and I married later that year; we divorced in 1994.

On February 4, 2010, Joey, his second wife Summer, and their sons Gianni, 4, and Joseph Jr., 3, went missing from their Fallbrook, California home.

Five days later, their Isuzu Trooper was found abandoned in a strip mall parking lot near the Mexican border, giving the impression that their disappearance may have been voluntary, that perhaps they had decided to travel or move to Mexico without telling anybody.

But, that didn’t add up. Food was left on the dinner table, their beloved dogs had no food or water, and there was $80,000 in a bank account. And Joey would never have left without telling his mom.

The mystery of the family’s whereabouts lasted nearly four years. On November 13, 2013, an off-road motorcyclist noticed parts of a human skull in the Mojave Desert near Interstate 15 in Victorville, CA., and reported it to law enforcement. The four McStay bodies were found buried in two shallow graves. A sledgehammer was in one of the graves.

A year later, Nov. 5, 2014, Chase Merritt, a business partner of Joey’s, was arrested on suspicion of bludgeoning to death all four family members.

Another four years passed, until, January 7, 2019, when the trial finally began, which is when I wrote the “McStay Family Deserves Closure” article.

                         Keeping in touch with Mikey

Mikey, and his new wife, Gaylan, live in the North Beach area of San Clemente, near the McStay Memorial Bench, which is on a bluff overlooking the ocean at 1407 Buena Vista.


 McStay Family names on Memorial Bench in San Clemente, California                       (photo by Tom Blake)

Mikey and I have touched base a few times during the last several months. Mikey phoned me in early June, saying the trial would end soon. He was upbeat.

The verdict was reached on Friday, June 7. However, it wasn’t revealed until 10 a.m., June 10. I wanted to hear the outcome the moment it was announced. I couldn’t get it on live TV, or online, so I turned on my car radio to KNX and sat outside our Dana Point home in the car until I heard the news. It’s the same home where Joey, Mikey, and Susan lived with me for six years.

After a nine-year ordeal and a five-month trial, a verdict was reached: Merritt was found guilty on four counts of first-degree murder. There remain many unanswered questions about the case, and now the sentencing phase is underway.

Did the verdict bring closure to the McStays? In a way, perhaps. But how will they ever forget what happened? Closure wasn’t the correct word to use in that article. According to a June 11 Los Angeles Times article, by Alene Tchekmedyian, as Susan left the court room, she mentioned to a woman, “It’s over.” So, maybe “over” would be a better word choice than closure.

After hearing the verdict Monday morning, I was in a fog most of the day. Although I hadn’t seen the McStays much in the years following the divorce, they had been a part of my life for six years. And I am the reason they moved to California, although years ago, shortly after the family disappeared, Susan told me emphatically not to think that way.

The lyrics, “…To those distant fallen angels, who descended much too soon,” from the song, “Dry Your Eyes,” co-written by Neil Diamond and Jaime Robertson in 1976, kept going through my mind on Monday. It’s a start-healing song, that was written after the 1960s assassinations of JFK, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy.

At a Hot August Night Neil Diamond concert at the Los Angeles Forum in 2017, one of Diamond’s last concerts, I videoed three minutes of him singing “Dry Your Eyes.” Greta and I were sitting in the balcony and I didn’t have my zoom on, but it’s still the best video of Diamond singing that song–and his band playing it–that I could find on YouTube. The band member playing the trumpet is outstanding. The link to the video is below.

You will notice in the upper right corner of the video, beginning about 35 seconds into it–there is a close-up screen of Diamond, and then at the 1:30 point of the video, the trumpet player appears and plays his solo also on that screen.

Now that the verdict is in, somewhat ending the nine-year ordeal that the McStay Family and Summer’s family have gone through, perhaps those family members will be able to start drying their eyes.

Link to my Dry Your Eyes video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/riPIMKjYFWA

A reminder: the next Senior Meet and Greet will be Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point, 5 to 7 p.m. I always enjoy meeting and getting to know our Champs who are able to attend.