On Life and Love after 50

The Blood-Drawing Station

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – December 4, 2020

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part One – The Blood-Drawing Station

“Why am I here?” I thought to myself at 6.47 a.m. on Tuesday when I opened the car door in a Mission Viejo parking garage. With the pandemic kicking up its ugly heels again, aren’t people supposed to be extra careful when venturing out? The health experts are urging us to stay home as much as possible.

And the last place we should be voluntarily visiting is a medical facility. But the sign on the five-story building where I’m going says Mission Medical Plaza. I wouldn’t call it a medical plaza; a medical center is more like it. And I’m here voluntarily.

I am having my blood drawn. I’m supposed to do this every six months for a routine health exam, but due to the pandemic, I postponed my June 2020 visit. My doctor recently texted me saying I was six months past due and encouraged me to come in to see how my body was holding up.

I figured by arriving before 7 a.m. I’d be one of the first persons there so I wouldn’t have to wait long. Holy cow, as I entered the drawing station, there were five men and three women wearing masks who had already signed in on the front-desk clipboard, sitting in socially-distanced chairs waiting to be summoned to the front desk to sign paperwork.

I’m guessing the average age was 65-plus, so I fit in.

I entered my name on the clipboard and took the last available chair.

One man had a USC (University of Southern California) face mask on. Another man approached him and they started talking about college football. The USC guy said, “I’m here because I played football for 25 years; my knees are screwed up.”

The other man said he had played football as well, but I couldn’t hear where he said he had played.

A few minutes later, I started a conversation with the USC man by saying,

“I had a buddy who played for SC. You probably have heard of him.”

About then, the man was called into the blood-drawing room.

“What was his name?” he asked as he walked away.

“Lynn Swann,” I said. He turned around and gave me a thumbs up.

I got to know Lynn in 1973 when I worked at the Victoria Station restaurant chain. Our company presented him with a college football player-of-the-year award we had created as a kind of a publicity ploy.

Lynn Swann at the 1973 USC Awards Banquet with MVP trophy and Victoria Station award

Photo: USC Sports Info

I had dinner with Lynn on the night of the day he was drafted in the first round of the 1974 NFL draft.

Lynn was an All-American at USC and went on to win four Super Bowl rings with the Pittsburgh Steelers, was MVP of the Super Bowl in 1976, and later became the athletic director of USC for a few years.

Another guy sitting in the waiting room was wearing an “Ohio State” sweatshirt. Oh wow, a dreaded Buckeye, particularly for me, a Michigan Wolverine. UM hasn’t beaten Ohio State in football in 10 years. I was glad I wasn’t wearing any UM clothing as we’ve had an embarrassing year with a record of two wins and four losses. And those Buckeye fans love to tease Wolverine fans.

Just a few days earlier in Costco, I had a golf shirt with a big Michigan block “M” on the front pocket and a guy from Wisconsin walked up to me and said, “Tough year, eh?” He wasn’t referring to the pandemic.

One woman who came into the drawing station a bit later was wearing a UCLA sweatshirt. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her about football, or anything else.

When people are summoned to the front desk to sign the paperwork, they are asked a couple of questions.

“Are you fasting today?” is the first question.

In all my visits here, I’ve never heard anyone say “no” to that question.

And then the second question:

“What is your date of birth?”

That one people seem to dread. When they answer, some lower their voices, hoping no one in the waiting room will hear their response and learn their age.

I respond by giving my DOB and then add, in a whisper with a wink, “But don’t tell anyone.”

Sometimes I try to guess how old a guy is before I hear his answer. I’m often off by 10 years or more.

My name was called by the guy who would be drawing my blood. He said, “Follow me” and led me into the blood-drawing room. I recognized him as the same guy from 12 months before. I doubt if he remembered me as I guessed he had probably drawn blood from more than 2,000 people since then. He was wearing a mask, face shield and gloves, of course. The room was spotless.

I always brace for the needle going into the arm and look the other way. But I didn’t even feel it. He was very professional and quick.

I thought I was finished. I was—almost–but not before the guy handed me an orange biohazard bag—for the collection of, umm, how do I put this delicately?—well let’s just say you collect what goes into the bag in the bathroom at home and then return it to the drawing station at a later time.

And then he emphatically added. “When you return the bag, ensure it is sealed. Do not hand it to the people behind the desk. They don’t like to be handed a bag of poop. Ask them where the box is in which to deposit the bag.”

His advice sure made sense to me. I walked through the waiting room, trying to disguise the bag he had given me.

As I walked to the car, at 7:20, I thought about all the workers in the medical field who every day are putting their lives at risk so that the rest of us can do our best to stay healthy. Front-liners and first-responders are amazing human beings. I had seen a bunch of them in that medical building that morning and thanked them. They seemed to appreciate that.

And I also thought that the drawing station was a good place to get out and chat up some new people and socialize, albeit a quick in and out. One never knows who you’re going to meet there.

But I was happy to be returning home—even with the bag in hand–to finally get a cup of hot coffee and a bit of breakfast.

Part 2 – The reality of life – and reflecting on a hero

Rafer Johnson died at age 86 on Wednesday. He was an incredible person. Great athlete. Great humanitarian. In 1960, at the Rome Olympics, my buddies and I were in the stands at Olympic Stadium on Tuesday, September 6, and watched him win the decathlon. As I recall, it was about 10 p.m.

To win, Rafer had to stay within 10 yards of C.K. Yang, Rafer’s UCLA teammate who represented Taiwan, in the decathlon-1500-meter race. The race was Rafer’s weakest event of the 10 decathlon events but with guts and grit, he finished one and a half yards behind Yang to win the gold medal.

I checked the journal I kept from that 1960, 84-day European trip. The Cold War with Russia was hot. In addition to the decathlon that day, we watched the USA’s Ira Davis get beat out for a silver medal by a Russian on the last jump in the triple-jump event (my track coach called it the Hop, Step, and Jump.)

Rafer, who had been watching nearby, immediately went to the Russian and tried to congratulate him by shaking hands, but the Russian refused. I wrote in the journal, “People in the stadium booed the Russian entirely too much. The Russian left the field crying.”

And one more item from that day. Australian Herb Elliott set a world record in the 1500-meter event at 3:35.6 seconds. That record stood for seven years.

The next day, Wednesday, September 7, my buddies and I were at the Olympic Village, where the athletes stayed. We had purchased tickets to fly home on the Olympic team charter airplane and were waiting there to board the bus to the airport. I had a Coca Cola with Rafer. He was such a humble man, he barely acknowledged his victory from the night before.

And now, 60-years-later, Rafer Johnson, the legend is gone.

Opportunity often arises from adversity

20 Years Where’d They Go?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter November 13, 2020

Tom Blake 26 years of writing columns

20 Years, Where’d They Go? Like A Rock

This Tuesday, November 10, I completed the final edit to this week’s eNewsletter. Scheduled it for today. It felt good to be a little ahead of the game; I wouldn’t have to worry about the normal last-minute edits.

But then, Wednesday, November 11, Veteran’s Day, came along. The eNewsletter game-plan unexpectedly changed.

What happened on Wednesday?

An email arrived in the morning from Champ Regina McGrath, of Dana Point, a special friend of Greta’s and mine.

Regina wrote: “I could have sworn I was wishing you a Happy Birthday about a month ago, so either in my old age I’m confusing dates, OR in my old age time really is going by that fast…conclusion being, I’m old!! Ha-ha!

“As always, I enjoy each and every eNewsletter you produce and as always, I miss you and Greta!

“I often wonder if you REALLY know how much you’re admired and appreciated?

“Have a wonderful Birthday & Veterans Day!”

Regina’s email stopped me in my tracks; it struck a chord.

I responded: “Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yes, it’s today. Thanks for the “admired and appreciated” comment. Wow, it’s the appreciation from Champs and friends such as you that so truly matters to me.

“For some reason—probably because it’s another birthday–your words made me reflect on all the years I’ve lived and how fortunate I’ve been, particularly the last 20 years, in which Greta and I have lived together.

“Thinking of those 20 years reminded me of one of my all-time favorite songs, “Like a Rock” by Bob Seger. (That song was used in one of the longest-running TV advertising campaigns in history, 1991 to 2004, which resulted in Chevy selling millions of trucks. Here is the verse from the song that triggered me to look back today and appreciate how blessed I’ve been.”

A verse from Like A Rock:

“Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin’ arrow-straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock”

A few minutes after Regina’s email came in, my phone rang. It was Jaime and Larry Black, who live in Laguna Beach, just up the road from Dana Point. Jaime is our travel agent and Larry prepares my tax returns in my CPA’s office.

They wished me a Happy Birthday, and then Larry said, “Aren’t you a veteran?”

I said, “Yes, which makes November 11 even more special to me.”

Larry said, “You can probably enjoy a free meal at lots of restaurants because it’s your birthday and you’re a vet.”

I said, winking at Greta, “I think we’ve got that covered.”

Larry’s veteran comment reminded me of 2016, when Greta and I visited the American Cemetery at Omaha Beach in Normany, France, and Omaha Beach itself, one of the many beaches used by the Allied Forces on D-Day, June 6, 1944, an event, I feel, that saved the world.

Being there made Greta and me feel even more grateful we are Americans. Below: “The Braves” Monument on Omaha Beach in honor of those who perished on D-Day

The Braves Monument Omaha Beach
(photo by Tom Blake 2016)

And speaking of D-Day, one of our Champs, Les Jones, age 94, was a part of the American forces on that invasion.

Champ Les Jones – WWII veteran

Les was also in the Pacific Theatre during World War II. A big salute and thanks to Les on November 11, and all days in fact.

Les is a close friend of Gary Sinise, whose foundation benefits veterans. This picture is of Gary and Les at a recent War Memorial visit in Washington D.C., It is very moving.

Gary Sinise and Les

And then, another email came in, which added to the emotional patriotism I was feeling on November 11. It was from Champ Ellen B, Seattle, sending a birthday greeting. What’s the patriotism-connection there?

I met Ellen at an Anaheim Angels baseball game in 1995. I first saw her on the pitcher’s mound, where she sang the National Anthem and introduced myself when she returned to her seat, near where I was sitting behind home plate.

I wrote my 63^rd newspaper column about meeting her, which was published, August 30, 1995, titled, “Star-Spangled Night.” Wow, a quarter-century ago.

I responded to her Wednesday email with: “Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light…”

There is one more reason why November 11 is so special to me. I was born on my Mom’s birthday, so we shared that day together as often as possible. So, of course, that is another reason why Regina’s email struck such a chord.

With all of these things happening Wednesday morning, I decided to place on hold the eNewsletter initially planned for today. A new message bubbled up inside of me. I wrote straight from my heart, in a stream-of-consciousness. It took about an hour. As I read it to Greta for her comments, I had to stop a few times, I was emotionally overcome.

So, Regina, thanks for inspiring me to write today’s eNewsletter. And guess what? I already have next week’s column written. So,wow, a week off.

I appreciate all of you and the opportunity to reach out to you each week!

***

Link to Bob Seger’s “Like A Rock” Be sure to listen for the guitar solo that begins at around the 2:10 mark–incredible.

Veteran’s Day 2020 – 20 Years, Where’d They Go?

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 13, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Veteran’s Day 2020 – 20 Years, Where’d They Go?

This Tuesday, November 10, I completed the final edit to this week’s eNewsletter. Scheduled it for today. It felt good to be a little ahead of the game; I wouldn’t have to worry about the normal last-minute edits.

But then, Wednesday, November 11, Veteran’s Day, came along. The eNewsletter game-plan unexpectedly changed.

What happened on Wednesday?

An email arrived in the morning from Champ Regina McGrath, of Dana Point, a special friend of Greta’s and mine.

I responded: “Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yes, it’s today. Thanks for the “admired and appreciated” comment. Wow, it’s the appreciation from Champs and friends such as you that so truly matters to me.

“For some reason—probably because it’s another birthday–your words made me reflect on all the years I’ve lived and how fortunate I’ve been, particularly the last 20 years, in which Greta and I have lived together.

“Thinking of those 20 years reminded me of one of my all-time favorite songs, “Like a Rock” Bob Seger sang. (That song was used in one of the longest-running TV advertising campaigns in history, 1991 to 2004, which resulted in Chevy selling millions of trucks. Here is the verse from the song that triggered me to look back today and appreciate how blessed I’ve been.”

A verse from Like A Rock:

“Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin’ arrow-straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock”

They wished me a Happy Birthday, and then Larry said, “Aren’t you a veteran?”

I said, “Yes, which makes November 11 even more special to me.”

Larry said, “You can probably enjoy a free meal at lots of restaurants because it’s your birthday and you’re a vet.”

Being there made Greta and me feel even more grateful we are Americans. Below: “The Braves” Monument on Omaha Beach in honor of those who perished on D-Day

The Braves Monument Omaha Beach
(photo by Tom Blake 2016)

And speaking of D-Day, one of our Champs, Les Jones, age 94, was a part of the American forces on that invasion.

Champ Les Jones – WWII veteran

Les was also in the Pacific Theatre during World War II. A big salute and thanks to Les on November 11, and all days in fact.

Les is a close friend of Gary Sinise, whose foundation benefits veterans. This picture is of Gary and Les at a recent War Memorial visit in Washington D.C., It is very moving.

Gary Sinise and Les

I wrote my 63^rd newspaper column about meeting her, which was published, August 30, 1995, titled, “Star-Spangled Night.” Wow, a quarter-century ago.

Senior dating: Qualities wanted in a Mate

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 6, 2020

Thomas P Blake author and columnist

Senior dating: Qualities Wanted in a Potential Mate

In 2003, I published a book titled “Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do.” One chapter was devoted exclusively to the importance for middle-age singles to make a written list of the qualities-wanted in a potential mate.

The purpose of the list was simple: to help singles avoid becoming involved with a person “not right” for them, which could waste time, energy, emotions, and even money–the topic Freddy Fender sang about in his 1974 song, “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.”

In the book, I advised keeping the list simple, 10 items or less, in order of importance. Plus, I stressed that the list should simply be a flexible guide and not a rigid qualifying tool.

Keep the Qualities-wanted list simple

There were no right or wrong lists—everybody is different—but I did suggest some examples of what qualities a middle-aged woman might want a man to have:

He:

makes me his top priority

has a positive attitude and sense of humor

is carefree and relaxes. Has no drama

gives me “my space” and respects me

is attractive; I feel chemistry and warmth towards him

is financially comfortable

There were two cardinal rules to list-making. First, follow the Golden Rule. What a person wanted from a mate, he or she must also give in return. Love is a two-way street.

Second, I strongly warned to never pull the list out to look at while on a date. Can you imagine someone placing his or her list on the table and saying to a date, “You’re a little weak on item number six?”

Comparing the above 2003 book chapter to present-day senior dating

In recent discussions with single, senior men, the men have brought up qualities-wanted in potential mates. I wondered if the qualities they seek now are different when compared to 17-years-ago.

Champ Wayne mentioned that one quality on some lists this year wasn’t much of a factor 17-years-ago. He said this quality quickly eliminates about 50 percent of potential mates for both women and men. The quality? To which political party does the other person belong?

Wayne met a woman online who listed a plethora of things she likes to do—hiking, dancing, being active, going to concerts, etc. But, then she listed, rather emphatically, a potential mate had to be of the same political party as she—no exceptions.

So, Wayne thinks political-party preference might be the top item on many singles’ lists in this presidential-election year.

Champ Larry, a widower, in his 70s, talked about his list of qualities wanted. He asked if he was wrong by placing chemistry and physical attraction at the top of his list.

That was interesting because 17-years-ago, people said to me that chemistry was about number five on their lists (I often wondered if they were being honest, embarrassed to admit they ranked physical attraction much higher).

I suggested to Larry that he wasn’t wrong, as long as he was honest about it with the single women he was meeting.

There were two unacceptable qualities that Wayne and Larry mentioned. Neither wants to remarry nor date women whose children or grandchildren were living with them.

Oh my, does that mean senior singles need two lists? One for qualities-wanted and one for unacceptable qualities?

The question becomes, will senior singles take the time to make two written lists? Probably not. Just making one list is even a stretch.

However, it’s sure important that they know what qualities they want and don’t want, whether they write them down or not.

The objective of making lists might be even more important now that we are 17-years older. We want to avoid wasted days and nights as our friend Freddy Fender sang about—because we’ve got less time to waste!

What’s on your list?

Link to Freddy Fender’s song, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights:

Five Songs

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 30, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

Five Songs

One of the offshoots of the pandemic is that Champs are tapping into their personal reservoirs of creativity.

Several Champs have mentioned they are working on creative projects. Perhaps it’s because they have more free time than usual. Or, they are reflecting on their lives and what’s really important to them. It’s interesting that several men are working on writing projects such as autobiographies, blogs, or books. Women are painting, gardening, and exercising more.

Patrick Hynes, a native of Australia, is writing a postcard blog that he emails to his friends. It’s titled, “Patrick’s Brief Encounters…Snippets of my life in America.” Working as the Public Relations Director for the Anaheim Hilton Hotel years ago, he met many famous people. Each weekly postcard contains a photo and about 150 concise words. Patrick’s first postcard was about meeting Muhammad Ali. Here’s the photo of him and Ali:

Patrick’s first postcard (July 20, 2020) photo (courtesy of Patrick Hynes)

Other postcards have featured President Reagan, Madonna, Buzz Aldrin, Joe Dimaggio, Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsch, Sean Connery (James Bond), and Kobe Bryant.

Champ Pam Peters, San Diego, has created more than 100 paintings during the pandemic. She has created boxes of gift cards that feature her paintings. (By the way, Pam happens to be my sister; she’s the creative one in the family). Here’s one of the 100 she’s created during this pandemic.

Come for dinner – Shrimp Provencal

Champ Sandy, Sonoma County, California, also paints, “I have been painting more and creating cards from it…just a lot of fun. I’ve been dormant on writing but have started writing in my head again..and I can feel it about to jump out.”

Champ Rick O. is writing about his career as a former professional baseball player. His writing project is temporarily on hold while dealing with several serious family-health issues, which, understandably, take a higher priority than the writing.

Champ Teresa has been creative in a different way, one that has taken time and patience but is changing her life. In the August 21 eNewsletter, I wrote about refinancing my home. Teresa capitalized on the information. How so?

This week, she emailed, ‘Wanted to thank you for the referral to your broker Vanessa Schwartz. My refinance/loan closes Tuesday, a day after my 64th birthday. Yea! I am really jazzed as my monthly payment will be about $300 less than before, allowing me to stay in my home for a few more years after I retire at 70, probably (Italics by Tom). My neighbor refinanced with Vanessa as well. We are both grateful for this opportunity to lower our interest rate and payment.

“I’m doing a little ‘happy dance’ right now, in honor of your willingness to help a stranger.”

In a coincidence, Teresa and I (and Patrick Hynes) worked for the Victoria Station restaurant chain, eons ago, but we didn’t know each other.

I’ve been friends with Rick Lenz for merely 65 years—we were classmates at Jackson High School, in Jackson, Michigan in the 1950s. Rick is a retired successful actor (played opposite Ingrid Bergman, John Wayne, Lauren Bacall, Walter Matthau, and Peter Sellers among others). He has written several books, including his latest novel, which will be published early next year.

Here is my favorite piece of art that Rick has created. This painting hangs on my wall.

Old Friend by Rick Lenz

Check out this creative man at http://www.ricklenz.com (Lots of wonderful art like this)

Another high school classmate is Carmen (Carm to me), who lives in Barra de Navidad, Mexico. Carm was featured in our May 29 eNewsletter which is posted on the FindingLoveAfter50.com website. Carm is writing an autobiography. He and Patrick Hynes often send me rough drafts of their work for my comments.

Last Friday, Carm sent a draft of Chapter 10, titled, “My Life with Karen.” Carm was a friend of Karen and her husband Charlie, and when Charlie died, Carm spent time ensuring she was doing okay. The relationship grew and they had five special years together before she passed away on August 1, 2019.

As I was perusing Carm’s Chapter 10, I noticed he included a cluster of four pictures of Karen and him. The caption under the photos reads:

Loving her was easier than anything I’ll ever do again. –-Kris Kristofferson

That caption blew me away. You’ll see why in a minute.

During Greta’s and my 23 years together, I’ve occasionally mentioned to her that when I pass away, I don’t want a funeral. An upbeat, fun, small, positive, memory-celebration is ok, but only if five songs that express how I’ve felt about her, are played on a video for the people attending. I wrote down the titles of the five songs on an old, tattered, envelope for her to keep in her files.

Three weeks ago, Greta left that envelope on my desk with a written request to put those songs into a word document, so she could access them on her computer desktop (I don’t know why she made that request, perhaps Greta knows something I don’t know!).

Here are Tom’s five songs (and the links to each)

1) Loving her was easier than anything I will ever do again (written and sung by Kris Kristofferson)

Note from Tom: That’s the same song Carm used in the caption under Karen’s pictures. That’s why I was blown away. I found it hard to believe that a guy I’ve known for 65 years and I picked the same song to honor our partners.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCgnbRWVvU8

2) If Tomorrow Never Comes (written by Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy, sung by Garth Brooks)

3) Sunday Morning Coming Down (written by Kris K, sung by Johnny Cash)

4) Dreaming My Dreams (written by Allen Reynolds, sung by Waylon Jennings)

5) Dry Your Eyes (co-written and sung by Neil Diamond)

Note from Tom: This Neil Diamond video I took on my phone at one of Neil Diamond’s last concerts, August 2017, at the Forum in Los Angeles. It’s not a perfect video as I didn’t zoom in until later in the video. But the sound is terrific. Note the trumpet player solo near the end. He is spectacular. It’s nearly impossible to find videos of Diamond performing this song–he rarely played it in concerts. It was originally written honoring Martin Luther King after he was assassinated.

Do you have a song that has special meaning to you or to a loved one? Are you working on a creative project? If so, please share it with us and tell us why it’s special.

Small world: Remembering a Johnny Cash concert 25 years ago

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 23, 2020

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Small world: Johnny Cash concert 25 years ago

In early September, our next-door neighbors in Monarch Beach-Jake and Kresta Racker- invited Greta and me and our across-the-street neighbors, Alex and Colleen Torres, for a socially distanced happy hour in the Racker’s backyard. It was a spur-of-the-moment pleasant break for all of us after being isolated from people for months.

The Rackers, along with their son, Ethan—moved in nearly five years ago. They are ideal neighbors, friendly, fun, and considerate—but we had never socialized.

The happy hour conversation turned to Johnny Cash. Whenever the subject of Johnny Cash comes up, I always add my two-cents worth, having worked with Johnny for two years in the 1970s. I also co-produced an album with him.

Destination Victoria Station record album of Johnny Cash train songs

Jake said he saw Johnny Cash in concert only once. Jake remembered that he and his buddy Quinn from Utah saw Johnny perform at the House of Blues on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles in the mid-1990s.

I had a vague recollection of seeing Johnny perform at the House of Blues but I wasn’t sure when it was.

After the happy hour gathering, I didn’t think much more about when I had seen Johnny at the House of Blues, until last Friday (October 16,2020), when Jake sent me a text.

His text included a picture of a ticket stub from the February 25, 1996, Johnny Cash House of Blues appearance, which his buddy Quinn had found in a drawer and sent to him. Jake had told Quinn about our Johnny Cash happy hour discussion.

I started to wonder: had I been at that same show? If I had, I probably would have written about it. At that time, I had been a newspaper columnist for less than two years, writing about “Middle Aged and Dating Again” for community newspapers owned by The Orange County Register, including the Dana Point News.

I had boxes of old columns in the garage. I found a manilla envelope from 1996. I started leafing through the articles and was thrilled to find the 89^th column I had written, dated March 14, 1996, titled, “Dream of a date includes an evening enjoying the music of Johnny Cash.”

(Today’s column is number 4,143—give or take a hundred).

So, I had been to the same concert that Jake and Quinn had been to nearly a quarter-century before. The article stated that it was the 31^st Johnny Cash concert I had attended.

The article also stated: “This was a special night for Johnny. At midnight, he turned 64. Earlier in the day, he and his wife became grandparents together for the first time.”

And this: Johnny mentioned at the start of the show, “Later, we’ve got a surprise for you.” The surprise: “Tom Petty and two members of the Heartbreakers joined Johnny. That’s like putting a supercharger on an old Chevy.”

I printed out a copy of the article and placed it on Jake’s front-door mat. He emailed a copy to Quinn in Utah. An hour later, Jake stopped by and said the article helped him and Quinn “fill in the details” they had forgotten about the concert. Facts such as The Freewheelers were the opening band and the Red Hot Chili Peppers were also there.

The Racker family has lived next door for five years. It took Jake and me that long to discover we both enjoyed the same special night at the House of Blues 24 years before.

Jake and Kresta framed the copy of the article I gave them along with the ticket stub and presented it to Greta and me as a remembrance.

Framed article from March 14, 1996 with concert ticket stub – now on our living room wall

The world is indeed small–even in the neighbors’ backyard.

A stress-free wedding (sort of)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 16, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

A stress-free wedding (sort of)

On Saturday, Oct 10, Greta and I left our Dana Point (California) home at 3:15 p.m. to drive to the Fallbrook home of Tina and Tod, Greta’s daughter and son-in-law’s residence. Greta’s granddaughter, Cierra, was getting married. We allowed an extra 45 minutes to get there. The ceremony would begin shortly after 5 p.m. in the backyard.

Our route was to travel south on Interstate 5, through the Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base to highway 76, upon which we would head east for about 25 miles to the intersection with Interstate 15. Then we would head north on the 15 for about four miles, before turning to the west for three more miles into the scenic hills of Fallbrook. The trip normally took an hour.

While driving south on the 5, we were listening to traffic updates on KNX radio. An update stated that the northbound four-mile stretch on Highway 15 near the end of our route was at a dead stop. I was unaware of any alternate routes. My mind started racing. “What if we can’t make the wedding on time?”

And I knew Greta had heard that newsflash and I could feel her looking at me, probably thinking, “What’s your plan?”

Then, the southbound traffic on the I-5 slowed to a crawl. Oh, oh, time to really worry about being late. We were already 45 minutes behind schedule when we turned onto the 76.

KNX traffic updates about the I-15 stopped. Was it still stop-and-go? We just couldn’t be late for Greta’s granddaughter’s wedding.

So, I chose plan B by turning onto Pala Road, an unfamiliar backroad in the direction of the Fallbrook home. Two narrow lanes, curvy through the woods. It was crunch time, nervous time for about five miles. It was one of those no-conversation stretches in the car except for Greta asking, “Do you know where you’re going?”

“Of course not; I’ve never been on Pala Road in my life,” I mumbled, along with an expletive or two. Shouldn’t the grandmother of the bride be the nervous one, not the driver?

Thank heavens for GPS. Had I not had my phone, I wouldn’t have chanced plan B. When we pulled into Tod and Tina’s driveway at 5:01 p.m., I was a stressed but relieved and happy dude.

The wedding had been planned for June with 130 people on the original invite list. Due to the pandemic, the wedding was delayed and the invite list pared down to 14 people.

Eight were family members of Jeremy, the groom, and six were family members of Cierra, the bride, including Greta and me and Grandma Jo from Utah. That was it, no friends or outsiders.

The officiant was Marc, a friend of Chad, Cierra’s brother. Marc was perfect. He smiled a lot, and you could hear him saying to the couple, “Turn right, turn left, join hands,” that sort of thing. The couple wrote their own ceremony, which included several ribbons being tied loosely around their wrists by Marc, each ribbon representing a vow.

Officiant Mark wrapping the vow ribbons around the wrists

Then, the couple pulled on separate ends of the ribbons. The result: presto, a perfect knot. Very clever.

Besides Cierra and Jeremy, Nya the ring bearer was the coolest aspect of the ceremony. Nya is the couple’s Alaskan Husky. That’s right, a dog with one blue eye and one brown eye. Below are Jeremy and Tina tying the wedding rings to Nya’s collar,

Nya getting “ringed up” before the ceremony

And when it was time, Nya was summoned to the altar, Jeremy knelt down and removed the rings.

Nya seemed bored; her eyes were closed at the altar

All of the women in attendance received a white rose. Here is Greta, holding her rose with her face shield on.

Greta with face shield and white rose

After the ceremony, Nya was eyeing an appetizer in Greta’s hand, he had a look on his face that seemed to say, “Don’t I at least get at a treat for being the ring bearer?” Gorgeous dog.

Don’t I get a nibble?

The father of the bride, Tod, made appropriate toasts at the dinner table, which was located outside with an incredible view of the hills and avocado groves in the distance. The 14 guests were served dinner and then the cake was cut.

At about 8:30 p.m., Greta and I headed out, arriving at home in an hour, enjoying a much-less-stressful trip back; It had been the nicest day of 2020 for us.

Are these pandemic online dating sites for real?

By Columnist Tom P Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 9, 2020

Pandemic Online dating sites and new terminology

Not long after COVID-19 arrived, emails started arriving in my inbox promoting pandemic-related dating information. New online dating sites, new dating terms, and endless offers of interviews with dating and relationship experts became the “new norm.”

On July 15, I started saving those emails in a file, thinking it would be fun someday to share some of their unusual content. I decided this was the week to do that and selected 13 of those emails.

While reading the list of 13 items, please keep in mind three things:

(1) Most emails didn’t disclose the age groups they are targeting. From the content, I’m guessing most are for people ages 20 to 50.

(2) I understand companies trying to make a living during this pandemic, but wow, some were grasping at straws. The quotation marks are theirs.

(3) I am not recommending any of these sites, just sharing info they sent.

Here are the 13 sites I singled out:

Cobble

“Life for couples is about to get a lot easier, and a lot more exciting, with the release of Cobble, a new decision-making app to answer the age-old question ‘What are we doing tonight?’

“Couples independently swipe (right for yes, left for no) on our curated date night content. When both people in a relationship swipe right, it’s a match! Then we make it easy to follow through: make reservations, buy tickets, order in, chat, and more. Since we launched 10 days ago, there have been over 60K swipes!

“Cobble is…sexy. If ever there was a time to explore your partner’s desires, it’s now. From curious to kink, Cobble can help couples keep the spice in the relationship when they match on tips, tricks, toys, positions…”

Pokerface

“COVID-19 created a surge in online dating and video dates over the past few months, but the process is still the same. People make profiles, find a few non-embarrassing photos, and then endlessly swipe away, hoping for a match. But what if there was a better way to find the one?

“Pokerface is a social gambling/poker app that features live video chat during games, has a new feature that is revamping how singles find love.

Say Allo

“This week Say Allo, the ‘smart’ dating app announces the launch of live, virtual speed dating to better serve singles while ‘dating during quarantine.’ After seeing a 350% increase in video dates sessions across its nearly 100,000 users throughout the US and Canada, this innovative feature offers users a smarter solution to video dating. Say Allo will be hosting its first ‘live’ video speed dating event…”

Situationships

“We know all about ‘booty calls,’ ‘friends with benefits’ and ‘it’s complicated,’ but situationships seem to be the new norm in the time of dating exploration, casualty and noncommittal relationships. Situationships are like playing house in a romantic relationship, but without any real consistency, dependency or reliability.”

Quarantine Breakup(s) (a new dating breakup term)

“Relationship experts are reporting they are seeing an increase in relationship breakups AKA Quarantine Breakups; a prime example is the never-ending list of recent celebrity splits.

Tom’s comment: Oh my, another new dating term! Like breadcrumbing, ghosting, LAT, now it’s Quarantine Breakups (QB for short). Here’s how QB might be used in context: “I was in a LAT, got ghosted, and now it’s a QB.”

Whistle Out

“Niche dating apps, which are designed to make matches between people who share a specific interest or experience have completely taken off this year, with more than 1,500 new dating sites across the US.

“Check out the report of each state’s favorite niche dating app in 2020 on whistleout.com.”

20 dating

“20 dating is the brand new, world-first Extreme Age Gap dating site where singles are only paired with people with a 20-year-or-more age gap. ‘Members cannot even see / message/search anyone within 20 years,’ says David Minns, the serial dating entrepreneur who created other niche sites such as Dinky One, Butterfly, and Lisa 50.”

Tom’s comment: Ah, possibly a site for seniors. A woman, age 80, told me she’d like to meet a mature man. She could join this site and have at her finger tips a list of 100-year-old men looking for younger women.

Vinylly

“Can your music playlist lead to love? A new dating app is using music compatibility to make a match – and the idea is booming during the pandemic.

“Vinylly pairs potential matches based on their music streaming data and music tastes. And, with the pandemic, Vinylly has partnered with an entertainment company to provide Livestream concerts for virtual dates.”

Tom’s comment: I love country music; Greta loves classical. Does that mean we aren’t a match? Heck no. we compromise by enjoying together Dutch violinist Andre Rieu, who plays a 1667 Stradivarius violin.

Loosid

“A free sober social networking app allows users to find and match with members who have similar interests and passions and has seen a 620% uptick in dating messages amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

“A new report found that Loosid is the most popular niche dating app for California for 2020, responsible for hundreds of thousands sober dating interactions. The app goes a step further and offers boozeless guides for restaurants that offer mocktails, since dining out is all about the experience, for many millennials and young adults.

What’s Your Price (another dating site)

“While the Coronavirus put a short hold on dating, it’s back and WhatsYourPrice released video chatting and an improved messaging platform to help singles continue their quest for love. Members virtual date, getting to know each other before ever meeting in person, saving both time and effort on a dating site unlike any other.”

Everydaycarryon (long-distance dating)

“Love in the time of Corona… Survey finds the average American single would travel for 2.4 hours to go on a date, thanks to the pandemic.

“Now that we can’t go out as much locally, we’ve had to meet new people online; and that might mean that they don’t live that close to us. So, just how far would we be willing to travel in the name of love nowadays?”

Qikie

“Welcome to Qikie, a hookup platform dedicated to creating an inclusive space for people of all genders, especially women, to have a good time. Qikie is here to help everyone embrace their sexuality, find community, and have fun without judgment. We stand for acceptance, open-mindedness, diversity, and inclusivity.”

The Senior List

“How has the coronavirus impacted the marriages and domestic partnerships of older adults 55+? TheSeniorList has answers in its latest report: “Senior Marital and Domestic Partner Relationships During COVID.”

“This is not the first storm seniors and their relationships have had to weather,” says Amie Clark, co-founder and senior editor of TheSeniorList. “While an unprecedented pandemic is a significant challenge, it is encouraging our older population is meeting it head-on, not surprisingly, with success.”

In summary, these sites appear to appeal to a younger crowd. To survive during the pandemic, they add creativity and imagination – whatever it takes for them to stay in business.

For seniors, face-to-face dating remains dangerous, particularly with strangers. Following the safety guidelines—masks, social distancing, avoiding crowds—remains the wise way to proceed. If you’re out there, be smart.

My, my, how times have changed since this picture was taken, circa 1949, in Jackson, Michigan, I’m in front row, second from left, my brother Bill is directly behind me. Jim Lefere is next to me:

Finally getting to meet Willie Nelson (well, sort of)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter October 2, 2020

By Columnist Thomas P Blake

Finally getting to meet Willie Nelson (well, sort of)

Two weeks ago, I mentioned that Greta and I would be attending an outdoor drive-in-movie-style concert in Irvine, California on September 25.

It was to see “True Willie,” the most authentic Willie Nelson tribute band in the world. I had never met the real Willie in person although I tried a few times at concerts.

My Stand Up Paddle Boarding buddy Russell Kerr and his wife Pam know True Willie. Russell said, “My friend Roger Hegyi has a band called ‘True Willie.’

I recalled Greta and I seeing True Willie perform four years ago at an outdoor concert at the Mission San Juan Capistrano. They were fabulous. We were amazed how much Roger looked like, and sounded like, the real Willie Nelson.

Russell had said two weeks ago, “True Willie is playing at a unique outdoor concert on September 25 at the Great Park in Irvine.”

“During this pandemic?” I said.

Russell stated, “It’s a drive-in-movie type of concert. You sit in your car or in socially distanced lawn chairs next to your car. My wife Pam and I are going.

“Why don’t you and Greta come and park next to us? I can introduce you to Roger after the show. He’s not Willie Nelson, but he’s the closest thing to Willie you’ll ever meet.”

“How do you know him?”

“Pam worked with Roger’s wife, Diane, at Aegis Assisted Living on Niguel Road, a few years back.”

Greta and I bought a car ticket in advance; the cost was only $30. We followed the Kerr’s car. To ensure we could park near the stage, we got to the Great Park an hour before the show. We were cars number four and five, respectively, in line.

Our cars were parked 20 feet apart in row two, with a clear view to the stage. We sat outside the cars in lawn chairs. It was a great concert. After each song, the audience would honk their car horns in appreciation. True Willie liked that.

The band played about 20 songs including three of my favorites: “Pancho and Lefty,” “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground,” and “Seven Spanish Angels.”

True Willie and the Boys Irvine California September 25 2020

And yes, after the concert, Russell led us to the front of the stage. He said he had mentioned to True Willie that Greta and I would be there. When True Willie saw us with Russell, he yelled out, “Hello Tom, hello Greta.” Pretty cool for a guy we’d never met. But it was getting dark and lots of people wanted to say hello also.

I handed Roger an autographed copy of my book, “Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” The front cover features a 1976 picture of Johnny Cash and me together in front of the Victoria Station restaurant in Newport Beach. I thought Roger would get a quick out of it.

Tom Blake’s book available at the bookstore listed below

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore

Russell said, “We’ll meet Roger next week when we have time to talk.”

On Wednesday, Roger, Russell, and I met at the Coffee Importers in Dana Point Harbor.

I asked Roger: “How long have you been a musician and when and why did you become a Willie Nelson tribute band?”

Roger said, “I’ve been 50 years in the music business. Nine years ago, my family and I were attending a concert at the Greek Theater in L.A. There was a huge photo of Willie on the side of the building promoting an upcoming Willie Nelson concert.

“My daughter looked at me, and then at Willie, and said, “Dad, you are Willie. And I now am.”

Roger added, “I don’t do it for the money; I do it to make a difference and share the music of an icon.”

Over a cup of coffee, I was finally able to tell Willie Nelson (well, sort of) how much Johnny Cash thought of him. It took me 45 years to pull that off.

He handed me an autographed cd of 11 of his songs.

If Dana Point can bring back the outdoor concerts in Sea Terrace Park next summer (canceled this year due to the pandemic), maybe “True Willie and the Boys” will be invited to perform.

Here is True Willie’s website. http://www.trueWillie.com

P.S. this comment was added a week later. Meeting True Willie inspired me to call my long-time friend, Lou Robin, Johnny Cash’s manager from 1972 until Johnny passed away. Since then, Lou has done estate work for the Cash family. Lou in his career produced over 5,000 concerts, many of those for Johnny Cash. I worked with Lou 45 years ago; we remain great friends.