On Life and Love after 50

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 2, 2023

By Tom Blake – Columnist

In last week’s eNewsletter, my buddy Jim and I listed six boundary topics for senior dating. Responses to five of them were mellow. However, one topic was hotter than the 4^th of July: The age difference between men and women. Here’s what a few Champs said:

Nikol, “To me the best situation is when the man and woman are close in age.
For our age group (60s to 80s), it is important because we feel the effects of aging on our appearance and in our thinking more so compared to our younger days.

“Why should only men want to have younger partners? These days, women want younger men as well. Also, it’s very important how people look and feel. I know a few couples with an age difference of 10 years and more where the women are older, and they have perfect marriages. Of course, they met earlier in life.

“To me, it’s important how people behave, not in an old person manner, but how they dress, exude confidence, and work on being in good physical shape and lead an active life.

“Thanks for giving us interesting and important topics.”

Catherine, “I found your article very informative and agreed–or at least I can understand your position on all points except #3 Age Difference.

“You and Jim said you’d consider women even up to: ‘15 YEARS YOUNGER? PERHAPS?’ Are you serious? I think even 10 years is TOO MUCH at your respective ages (74 and 83).

My ex-husband was 6 years, 7 months older than me when we met in our 20s, it was not an issue. However, as we both matured, he did not age well.

“I was STUNNED to read that you think you are entitled to attract women 15 years younger! Society is sick to have the sentiment that it is perfectly fine for a MUCH older man to have a MUCH younger woman; while if the situation is reversed, the woman is called horrible names like “Cougar” or worse.

“But everyone is entitled to their OWN opinion and thanks for letting me share mine.”

Tom’s response: Women who date younger men may be referred to as Cougars in some circles. However, I don’t think I’ve ever referred to women as that. And never will.

I met a woman in her late 60s recently who called older guys who sought to date younger women Horn Dogs. And when she was really stirred up after an adult beverage or two she called them Man Whores. I’m not sure in what category she placed me. She admitted that her husband was 25 years older and left her millions when he passed. She referred to him as the nicest man in the world. So, whatever floats your boat.

Gloria said, “I don’t want someone 10 years older or younger. If possible, someone around my age with a five or six-year age difference, either way.”

Barabara, “Age is only a number, an important number. Although age doesn’t tell what is happening inside the body, it’s not a good idea to eliminate anyone because of age. Seventy-year-olds often look at 80-year-olds as future patients to care for, not how far they can go Stand Up Paddle Boarding SUP.

Francine, “I am a very active 76. I never think of my age because I date men as much as 16 years younger than me and never see any difference. I just have a difficult time dating someone my age or older.

“When I was younger, I loved dating men older but now it’s turned the other way. I have no difficulty attracting men of all ages. My concern is when the dating pool is limited and there is no chemistry physically or intellectually (both are very sexy to me). I can’t have one without the other.”

Cheryl, “Regarding the age difference issue. What was wrong with the woman you met who was 76 herself and she thought your age preference of 71-79 meant you were looking for a younger woman? Lucky for you that she left, and she sure was rude in how she left! 

“In my work as a physical therapist assistant doing home health therapy, I encountered people who were ‘old’ physically and mentally in their 50s and people who were ‘young’ in their 70s and 80s. 

“I think it’s important to have some concept of an age range that would be desirable, but at our age, physical age can be extremely impacted by health issues as well as emotional issues due to past life experiences. 

“Also, regarding the health issue, a person can be in good or relatively good health when you meet and become very impacted by health problems/illness after you make a commitment to each other. At our age, physical prowess isn’t guaranteed for decades!” 

John, “Quoting from last week’s eNewsletter what the woman told you after she asked you about the age range you were seeking: ‘You senior men are all the same, wanting younger women.” Yes, that is reality. The reality is that men of all ages are attracted to younger women and women to older men. It’s hard-wired in our brains.

“Opposing reality gives people fodder for griping, complaining, and getting angry, but in the end, reality always wins.”

Noelle, “Tip from a wise old soul. Limiting your search to younger women got my attention. I have always dated younger men because they are the ones who are attracted to me. My last relationship had an age gap of him being 10 years younger.

“I am now in a long-term relationship with a man who pursued me who is 74. I am 87. We have a very special, and loving relationship that we both cherish and plan for it to last the rest of our lives. Chronical age is meaningless.”

Tom’s comment: Noelle, neither Jim nor I limit our search to only much younger women. But, we’re cheering for you and your attitude. Keep ‘em Flying. You may become the eNewsletter poster Champ!

Dee said, “Why do you think you need to look for someone between ages 70 and 79? How would you feel if a woman the same age as you said the same thing to you? Any age difference is so much easier in the earlier decades of life, but in the final years of life, it’s not so easy.

“Please remember how sensitive it is for women who have been left by their long-time mates for somebody younger. Do you really think the younger women do it for the simple reason of attraction? That might be so when the men are in their 40s, 50s, or early 60s and still in their prime. But, after that, it’s probably less about attraction and more about security.

“After listening to the story, you shared with me about the 60-year-old woman who posted attractive pictures on her profile, who saw your profile online on the day you initially posted it and couldn’t wait to meet you. She told you that if she moved into your home with you, she’d probably end up taking care of you (23-year age difference) and if you passed, she wouldn’t want to be tossed to the street. Hence, before moving in, she insisted she’d need legal documents drawn and your estate plan to state the house would go to her.

“She didn’t think you were an actual hottie, at least not that hot, she wanted your home to go to her. Please, Tom, alert older people, men, and women, that when someone younger says they love your profile, it’s probably the money or assets they want.

“I’m aware of an older man that happened to. He met a younger woman online who told him something like what the woman told you. He went ahead and made the deal with her, but the result was tragic.

“She didn’t wait for him to die, nor did she give him any caretaking. She quickly managed to take his house and his cars and forced him to move from the home that he had owned for many years. He ended up having to move in with his son.

“Final comment. Why don’t you consider the same age or as little as five years within your age? Are you willing to consider a woman who is two years older than you? And, if not, why not?”

Tom’s response: I’m open to any age difference if there is compatibility and an attraction. (I didn’t ask Dee how old she is).

Part 2 – A point of clarification about the distance to search for a mate in senior dating

Gail, emailed, “I found your article in last week’s issue most interesting. I had to wait a couple of days to send you my thoughts because at first, I was angry.

“After a day or two, I realized that I was jealous. What made me angry? The comment, “20 minutes away.”  At first, I felt that you and Jim are spoiled man-children, but I know better and put the blame on me where it belongs.

“As older gentlemen, you both have the upper hand when it comes to dating. You can afford to want someone no more than 20 minutes away. Not only do you live in a dense population area, but you are also unique in your age and fitness for a male. Now, I can say, “Lucky you!” with a smile.

“I would, however, challenge you to think about a woman who is more than twenty minutes away. Maybe one who lives in an area that is ripe with fabulous things to do and experience. A relationship with someone like this could be full of travel and fun. It does not need to be a 24\7 deal, maybe a week or two here or there, then a week or two off. Just a thought. 

Tom’s response to Gail’s comments: I know Gail. She is delightful. Greta and I met her and her granddaughter for breakfast a few years ago. They live in a beautiful small city in the Sierra Mountains. Senior single men are not abundant there so Gail must search for available men up to two hours and more away. That’s why she became frustrated.

Gail’s situation applies to both men and women who live in remote, sparsely populated areas. For those people, Internet dating almost becomes a necessity to improve their chances of meeting a potential mate.

In last week’s eNewsletter, I should have mentioned that. I will mention distance to search for a mate going forward in future eNewsletters and articles.