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On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – December 11, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

                 (There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter)

Part One  – Importance of compatibility in senior relationships

Marie, a dedicated Champ, emailed this week. This was the 10^th time in eight years she’s chimed in. How do I know that? It’s the incredible archive system that gmail.com provides.

She posed a question that initially seemed like it’d be easy to answer, but the more I thought about it, the trickier it became.

Marie wrote, “Compatibility seems to be the keyword when talking about relationships. Is compatibility or should compatibility be the basic foundation when meeting someone? So many people are involved in compatible relationships but passion and emotion are missing.

“Why am I so confused about this stuff at 68? I’m divorced. I need clarity on this.”

And soon after Marie wrote, our newest Champ, Kay, emailed, “I just came across your site and find it very interesting.

“I am far beyond 50, however, I am in excellent health and am full of energy, and have a good sense of humor! I am blessed that my dad taught me about cars, guns, and sports. 

“This enables me to get along with men as we have much in common (i.e., compatible). I am divorced and thought I found this great guy, but we just broke up due to his temper! 

“Meeting men online is nearly impossible as it is mostly fantasy….not real!

“I would love to have a special man in my life. I have no family, so I would like to meet someone, however, there is no place to meet anyone!”

I responded to Kay and asked her to tell me a bit more about her experience with the “temper-tantrum” man

She said, “This man has good qualities but he goes from zero to 500 over nothing. The last time he was driving and was squealing tires and jerking the wheel and taking curves dangerously.

“Should he have a wreck and I am injured, I have no family to help me…if I get upset I get quiet for a moment but he has other characteristics that are embarrassing and unnecessary! I love his sisters and one son but I just can not do that!

“I turned 75 on Veterans Day!  Fortunately, I am on natural things and no meds and am energetic and have a sense of humor, and am a firecracker!

“People guess me to be younger but it’s all about how a person feels! I do volunteer work at a military base and PBS station and help the Legion for the Veterans and try to help my friends when I can. But oh, to find love again! I just would love someone in my life!

“It has been challenging as the driving incident described above happened on my birthday and I would never ruin anyone’s birthday!” 

Since I was contemplating the topic of compatibility, I responded by asking whether she felt compatibility is important in a relationship. And, I mentioned that we shared the same birthday: November 11.

Kay replied, “I believe it’s important. Couples can have some interests that are different…but, I find life calm and peaceful and yet exhilarating when two people enjoy similar things and both love the same way.

“I enjoy a connected feeling! I believe it is important to view things similarly as well. To respond to things similarly. However, perhaps the man is not as “romantic” but I write journals of thoughts and feelings and if I want to put a note by his plate I would like him to appreciate it as an expression of my love even if he never does.”

I also received an email from a friend, also named Tom, Orange County, California, whom I’ve known for six years. His situation is a perfect picture of how essential compatibility is in a relationship.

Tom shared, “I met Linda online—Our Time—and clicked on the first wine meetup. We’ve been dating exclusively since June 2019.

“I became a widower in 2005 and she was widowed in 2015. But the most favorable factor is we’re 5.2 miles apart on one primary street in South Orange County, so no rush-hour community snarls. She is originally from Michigan and now lives in Orange County.

“Widows and widowers, if they can get over their loss, are positive knowing someone already has—and a new person can—rekindle their love of life. They are not trying to duplicate the past, but know the traits that excite them and embrace reality.

“Online dating is harder for widowed people since other people can say words that inspire confidence, but face-to-face meetings, trips, and other experiences are necessary to allow daters to decide if they are open and can adapt to a new and different person.”

“Linda was an interior design shop manager, and now does life coaching. After our third date, she invited me and flew me to her friend’s wedding in Sicily for a week in the fall of 2019.

“We were able to get in 2020 trips to Palm Springs and San Luis Obispo before the pandemic. She’s a fantastic cook, and I’m a diligent cleaner-upper so we work together after a meal and then enjoy Netflix or a TV sporting event.

                                       

Linda and Tom – together since June 2019 – living 5 miles away

“Compatibility is very important. I don’t think ‘opposites attract’ is worth the time to make it a success. The willingness to work together shows mutual caring for each other. Example: Linda found gardening to be enjoyable working with me. Be a Giver more than a Taker, and you will win in the long run.

“We are considering living together, but still in the early talking phase, as we weigh options. Why both pay mortgage, utility bills, etc? 

“If I’m away from her for a few days even with daily phone calls, then I am anxious to see her.”

To answer Marie’s initial question, I say compatibility is imperative. But, other qualities need to be present as well—physical attraction, caring, kindness, and love. Each so critical.

I would enjoy hearing compatibility comments from other Champs.

                                    Part Two – Avoid COVID-19 Scams

As always happens these days when people are vulnerable, scammers try to take advantage of them. Two scams have popped up lately.

Scam One: Puppy Scams

CBS News Los Angeles announced yesterday that with people being lonely during the pandemic, online puppy scams are skyrocketing (up 500% this year). Apparently, the scammers are saying to people that due to social distancing, people can’t see the animal in person before sending money. The article said:  “Scammers almost always request funds through Moneygram, Western Union, prepaid debit cares, through the Zelle app, with bitcoin or other methods that make it hard to recover money.” Kittens, exotic birds, and horses are also being used to scam. 

A good place to get a puppy is at a local animal shelter. However, during the pandemic, puppies are in high demand. The type of puppy you want may not be available.

Scam Two: Vaccination scams are emerging. Do not pay money to sign up for a vaccine shot or have your name put on a waiting list. 

Do not reveal your bank information and NEVER give out your Social Security Number. We will all be informed about the vaccination details in due time. Do not respond to phone calls, emails, text messages, or even someone knocking on your door with vaccine promises and misinformation. 

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 6, 2020

Thomas P Blake author and columnist

Senior dating: Qualities Wanted in a Potential Mate 

In 2003, I published a book titled “Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do.” One chapter was devoted exclusively to the importance for middle-age singles to make a written list of the qualities-wanted in a potential mate.

The purpose of the list was simple: to help singles avoid becoming involved with a person “not right” for them, which could waste time, energy, emotions, and even money–the topic Freddy Fender sang about in his 1974 song, “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.”

In the book, I advised keeping the list simple, 10 items or less, in order of importance. Plus, I stressed that the list should simply be a flexible guide and not a rigid qualifying tool.

  Keep the Qualities-wanted list simple

There were no right or wrong lists—everybody is different—but I did suggest some examples of what qualities a middle-aged woman might want a man to have:

      He:

makes me his top priority

has a positive attitude and sense of humor

is carefree and relaxes. Has no drama

gives me “my space” and respects me

is attractive; I feel chemistry and warmth towards him

is financially comfortable

There were two cardinal rules to list-making. First, follow the Golden Rule. What a person wanted from a mate, he or she must also give in return. Love is a two-way street.

Second, I strongly warned to never pull the list out to look at while on a date. Can you imagine someone placing his or her list on the table and saying to a date, “You’re a little weak on item number six?”

Comparing the above 2003 book chapter to present-day senior dating

In recent discussions with single, senior men, the men have brought up qualities-wanted in potential mates. I wondered if the qualities they seek now are different when compared to 17-years-ago.

Champ Wayne mentioned that one quality on some lists this year wasn’t much of a factor 17-years-ago. He said this quality quickly eliminates about 50 percent of potential mates for both women and men. The quality? To which political party does the other person belong?

Wayne met a woman online who listed a plethora of things she likes to do—hiking, dancing, being active, going to concerts, etc. But, then she listed, rather emphatically, a potential mate had to be of the same political party as she—no exceptions.

So, Wayne thinks political-party preference might be the top item on many singles’ lists in this presidential-election year.

Champ Larry, a widower, in his 70s, talked about his list of qualities wanted. He asked if he was wrong by placing chemistry and physical attraction at the top of his list.  

That was interesting because 17-years-ago, people said to me that chemistry was about number five on their lists (I often wondered if they were being honest, embarrassed to admit they ranked physical attraction much higher).

I suggested to Larry that he wasn’t wrong, as long as he was honest about it with the single women he was meeting.

There were two unacceptable qualities that Wayne and Larry mentioned. Neither wants to remarry nor date women whose children or grandchildren were living with them.

Oh my, does that mean senior singles need two lists? One for qualities-wanted and one for unacceptable qualities?

The question becomes, will senior singles take the time to make two written lists? Probably not. Just making one list is even a stretch.

However, it’s sure important that they know what qualities they want and don’t want, whether they write them down or not.

The objective of making lists might be even more important now that we are 17-years older. We want to avoid wasted days and nights as our friend Freddy Fender sang about—because we’ve got less time to waste!

What’s on your list?  

Link to Freddy Fender’s song, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights:

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  July 31, 2020

by Tom P Blake columnist

                       Six words. Succinct Responses from Women Champs
 
Andree, San Clemente, Ca., responded to last week’s eNewsletter about the romance of Paulita and Joe L Brown. What Andree wrote was concise, short, and meaningful:
 
“Your story gives me hope at 71 years young. I do not want to marry again, once was enough for me. Having a nice partner to do things with would be lovely. I trust in God and if it’s meant to be it will be. I am blessed having many friends, male and female. And I have lifetime friends all over California.”
 
Responses from three other women to last week’s eNewsletter echo Andree’s words.
 
Jennifer, “This is a warm and wonderful widow and widower love story and I sure hope it happens to me, too.”
 
Kathy B., “Thank you for another encouraging and heartwarming story of senior love. During this time of sometimes complete isolation, the glimmer of hope shines through; this is one of those glimmers.”
 
Reni, “That’s a story that warmed my heart; I wish I could find a love like that after my husband, the light of my life, passed four and a half years ago. Thanks for sharing and giving hope.”
 
In my opinion, the sentences the above four women shared can be culled down to six words, which are listed below, with my comments under each word.  
 
1 Hope
 
Hope is something we all need. Hope is positive. It provides us with a warm glow and gives us a purpose for which to live. It’s a feeling that reminds us that everything’s going to be all right.
 
2 Age
 
At age 71, Andree is, indeed young. Lots of great things can happen in her life. I think of my mom, who was widowed at age 55 and then lived 43 years on her own. She kept her mind and body active. She loved her life and made the best of it, where she lived in an adult community called Oakmont, in Santa Rosa, Ca. At 91, she bought a new car. She was an avid reader. She played her last hand of bridge three weeks before she died, four months shy of age 99. So, indeed, Andree is young.
 
3 Marriage
 
Whether a person Andree’s age has never married, or been married once, twice, three times or even more, I understand not wanting to marry again.
 
Greta and I have been together 23 years. We both were married more than once. We didn’t see the need to do that again. For us, our life has been great together. Champs who don’t want to marry again have lots of company within our group of approximately 2,000 members.
 
However, if older people want to remarry, that’s ok, nothing wrong with that, if it’s right for them.
 
I have a buddy in Hawaii who just married for the first time at age 72.
 
4. Companionship
 
Oh wow, this is “the biggie” among our women Champs. I can’t tell you how many of them say having someone to share things with is their biggest wish.
 
And it’s the most elusive wish. In 26 years, I’ve quoted hundreds of women who’ve asked “Where are the men?”
 
At Andree’s age, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately 3.5-to-one. (Plus, some women proclaim that not all men in the dating pool are relationship material!). Hence, a more accurate ratio may be close to four-to-one. Now that’s a challenge. But, that’s where hope comes in. It’s still possible, but getting out and about are essential to helping reduce that ratio. And, of course, now, during the pandemic, that is more difficult.
 
5. Faith
 
Many women Champs say they trust in a higher power to bring them a match. Most of them, also add, that they realize they can’t just sit home and expect Mr. Right to appear. They understand, when the virus subsides, they will need to get out and about. Of course, a little help from above would be graciously appreciated.
 
6. Friends
 
Staying in touch with friends is particularly important during this time of quarantine. We have written about the damaging effects of loneliness on the health of seniors in previous eNewsletters. According to doctors and research, loneliness can be as deadly as many of the nasty diseases out there. Avoid social isolation.
 
Reach out by phone (face time) or email or Zoom to see and interact with each other. As we wrote about a month ago, “Don’t let the old man or old woman in!” Take the initiative. Contact those friends. Meet in-person safely with them while ensuring proper distancing. Avoid close-together group gatherings.

Tom Blake columnist

 On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 26, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

                            Responses to Don’t let the old man in

Last Friday morning, Greta asked, “How was the response from Champs to the ‘Don’t Let The Old Man In’ eNewsletter today?” 

I said, “It’s too early to know.”

I am never certain how an eNewsletter is going to be received. There are times when I feel that the message is helpful and Champs will like it—and yet, only a few responses trickle in. And there are times when I say to myself, “This isn’t my best effort,” and the responses are positive and plentiful. 

Last week’s issue was no different; I didn’t know how Champs would respond to the Toby Keith and Clint Eastwood “Don’t let the old man in” story. However, that uncertainty quickly evaporated as positive responses filled my inbox. Champs liked it! Here are several responses, plus my comments to each one.

Wayne emailed, “Good advice. My brother played golf with Toby Keith at Clint’s tournament when this exchange took place.

Tom’s comment: “Wow, small world. What a day that must have been for your brother.”

Barbara, “Thank you for posting that video. It got me out of a slight slump. I saw the movie ‘The Mule’ and love anything Clint Eastwood does. 

“I also wanted to tell you I read your 84 Days Through Europe in a VW bus Summer 1960 travel ebook; it brought back many memories for me about that summer. I turned 20 in July 1960, and got married in August and came to California for our honeymoon.

“Two years later, we drove across the country and moved to California for good. I’ve been a widow for 25 years and learned to live alone. I enjoy your weekly eNewsletter.”

Tom’s comment: “Good to hear you got out of the slump. It’s easy to slip into a slump during these trying times. And I’m pleased you enjoyed the “84 Days” book—you and I were the same age that summer (and, of course, we still are, now 60-years later).”

Marilou, “Thank you!”

Tom’s comment: “Greta and I enjoyed meeting you and your friend Pat on that Iceland, Greenland and Scotland 22-day cruise last August. We are thankful that we got the trip in before COVID-19 surfaced. We won’t do another cruise for a while, but not saying ‘never.’”

 Marilou, Tom, Pat, and Greta on the cruise – August 2019

Thyrza, “A timely reminder especially during this time. This pandemic makes us feel old since life as we knew it is curtailed.

“I went for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory with my two grandchildren and son and daughter. It felt so good and right to be out.  

“My guy friend and I drove along Pacific Coast Highway to Laguna Beach. I was teary-eyed to see throngs of people enjoying the beauty of nature and freedom. I can’t believe a virus can take away our freedom, just like that. So yes, keep the old person out!”

Tom’s comment: “Good on you, for getting out and about. (Just continue to do it safely).”

Ben, “I totally agree with Clint Eastwood; Get up each morning with gratitude-get out of yourself and help others. KEEP MOVING, and get out of the house. I walked 3-4 miles today, found out the gym was open- went over there and did the Stair Climber- I have a long way to go…One day at a time…Walk, pick up recycling- share the $$ with charity. Make a difference in your own way.” 

Tom’s comment: “Ben, you are doing great. Admirable! Love your spirit; love your attitude.”

Gloria, “I’m still weeping – It’s so emotional for me as a healthy, spunky 81-year-young women and a crybaby letting ‘it’ out so it doesn’t sink ‘in.’ Love all your messages. I’d like a nice ‘older man’ at my door.”

Tom’s comment:  Maybe we can find one to be at your door.

Gloria (part 2): “I can dream, can’t I? I’m a singer and can also sing YOU’RE A SWEETHEART to you. I met you at a conference in another life. Not sure which conference. Had to be Florida. Followed you ever since. So I’ll put in my order for the front-door man: fun, healthy and into all kinds of music – especially Broadway. I’m lucky; I’m plucky (a poet too). I so appreciate your response. Not holding my breath for that knock on my door.”

Tom’s comment: “That conference might have been an AARP Convention on the East Coast. I have been a speaker at them on occasion.”

Mary Lou (not the same Marilou as above), “I didn’t get a political ad when I clicked on the link – instead, funny enough, it was an advertisement about the bar exam – which you may remember I am a tutor for.

“I forwarded the link to my 80-year-old brother who never lets the old man in, and my 76-year-old favorite-boy-cousin (I always tell him that and he says he’s my only boy-cousin – lol. Not true, he’s my only boy-cousin on my dad’s side, but I have eight boy-cousins on my mom’s side.)

“Here’s to not letting the old man and/or the old woman in.”

Tom’s comment: “That’s funny about the tutoring ad. What are the chances of that coincidence happening? Might be cookies YouTube uses to track people’s interests.”

Joy, “Loved it! That was so heartwarming! Thank you for all you and Greta do for us kids!”

Tom: “Kids? Oh my gosh, Joy. You made our day.” 

Gail, “Yes, keeping the old lady out is always a struggle! Although, I keep parts, like being honest with people. Stay strong.

“I am still living in Bishop (California, eastern slope of the Sierra Mountains). We are getting swamped by out-of-towners- some who are real jerks not wearing masks. Granddaughter Emma just turned 15.”

Tom’s comment: “Greta and I met with Gail and Emma seven-years ago. We had breakfast together in Bishop at Jack’s, a great coffee shop right on Highway 395. Can’t believe the lovely Emma is 15.”

Tom, Gail, and Greta with Emma in front – 2013

Update: I wonder if Gail felt that powerful 5.8 magnitude earthquake in the Owens Valley Wednesday? That was close to Bishop.

Terry, aka, the funny plumber (Thailand), 80ish, said: “Don’t Let the Old Man in” is great. I was talking with a girl at the market yesterday.  She said: ‘I want to get married.’” 

I asked: “How old are you?”

She replied: “27.”

My response: “Well, you are too old for me.”

“Love from the ‘Golden Triangle’ (Thailand, Laos, Myanmar).”

Tom’s comment: “Terry was only joking, of course. He has the lovely Daeng as his partner. She’s more than ‘young enough’ for him!”

(Terry, part 2), “We are happy that no COVID-19 virus has been in our area.  Folks in this area still wear masks and try to be careful. Thailand ranks second-best in the world out of 184 countries for ongoing COVID-19 recovery.

“Thailand ranked second best in the world for ongoing COVID-19 recovery – TAT Newsroom

www.tatnews.org

Kathy, “Just had to write and let you know how much I enjoyed the article about Clint Eastwood and don’t let the old man in. I think that was one of your best advice columns ever. Whether it applies to dating or just to everyday attitude, it is spot on!

“I am having knee surgery on Wednesday and had a COVID-19  test yesterday so I have to self-isolate until the surgery on Wednesday. However, just the thought of being able to walk better makes it all worthwhile.”

Note from Tom: “Kathy used to live in our Dana Point neighborhood. Now she lives 3,000 miles away in Florida. We hope her surgery went well.”

Andree, “Thank you for sharing Clint Eastwood’s movie, and Toby’s song. I saw the movie and loved it. I’ve enjoyed Eastwood and his movies for many years. And I loved Toby Keith and his voice for years, and, have his CDs. 

The “Don’t Let The Old Man In,” is so true and I try to remember what to do each morning I wake up. At 71, I know life is short and I have to stay positive, have a good attitude, and love life one day at a time.”

Tom’s comment: “At 71, Andree, you have many, many years ahead of you. You’re a young one. Keep doing as you’re doing!”

Mark,” This was great. I hadn’t heard about it.”

Tom’s comment: “Two years ago, Greta and I had the honor to locate and photograph Mark’s parents’ gravestones in American Samoa. It meant a lot to us, and it meant a lot to him. Having met several of you Champs in person makes writing about life after 50 even more special for Greta and me.  

Tom at Mark’s parents graves in American Samoa – 2018

Beckie, “I had seen the previews for ‘The Mule’ before it was released but the subject matter didn’t look terribly intriguing, although I do like Clint Eastwood.  I do agree with the advice ‘Don’t let the old man (or woman) in.’ 

“So based on your recommendation (and Greta’s), we watched the movie. It was very good. All kinds of lessons are there–food for thought.  Ray, (her sig. other) plays guitar and he decided to learn how to play the song, “Don’t let the Old Man In” and share it with his guitar group.  Of course, with the pandemic, the weekly guitar group meet-up he has attended for several years hasn’t met since March. 

“Some of them have met on Zoom weekly, but it just isn’t the same. It’s impossible to play together–they just talk.  A couple of weeks ago the leader of the group invited a small group over to his house to play in the driveway (sitting on chairs..) socially distanced. That worked out pretty well. 

“Then he had another idea.  We have a new multi-level parking deck attached to our new library.  Why not bring chairs and meet to play in the garage?  Five of them met Tuesday night. They took playing together to a whole new level.. Again they practiced social distancing. They were outside so no masks were needed.  Ray hasn’t shared the song yet, but he will.  

“So thanks for the recommendation!  Stay well and thanks for writing your weekly column.  Ray and I have been together for 11 years now and lived together for 10. We’re both 70 but are valiantly trying not to let the “old man” or “old woman” in.

“We live in North Carolina now. We went out for a year in college in Colorado (1967) but married others. Three years after my husband died from ALS in 2006 I looked Ray up on  LinkedIn and we reconnected. I think you wrote a column about us in 2010.”

What happened to Champ Nancy?

I received an email from Mail Chimp–the server I use to deliver the eNewsletters–that revealed Champ Nancy had unsubscribed. I knew she had been a Champ for more than four years and opened nearly every eNewsletter. Hence, I thought it was strange she would unsubscribe, when, the other responses were so positive. So, I sent her an email just to ensure she hadn’t canceled accidentally.

Nancy replied, “I love your weekly newsletter and would never on purpose unsubscribe. I loved the Toby Keith video. I sent it to a dear friend who is 90. I think I re-subscribed from my phone again, but if I didn’t do it right, I am sorry.”

I checked. Nancy had pushed the right buttons, and she’s with us once again, after an absence of only a few hours.

If any of you find you aren’t receiving the eNewsletter, you may have accidentally removed yourself. Resubmit on the home page of

http://www.FindingLoveafter50.com

Email me if you have any questions.

On Love and Life after 50 eNewsletter – June 12, 2020

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

There are three parts to today’s eNewsletter

    Part 1  –  Senior couple stranded in Antigua 2+ months during COVID-19

I wondered over the last several weeks if any of our Champs had been stuck somewhere, unable to get home. My answer came from Francesca, who emailed to thank me for providing the free download a few weeks ago of the ebook, Italy, 23 Days by Train.

In the email, she added, “We happen to be ‘stranded’ in Antigua (a Caribbean island), with the only airport having been closed for some time.”

I wrote back to Francesca, “If you don’t mind, and have time, can you tell our Champs about your ‘being stranded’ experience, and tell us a bit about you as a couple.” Francesca and I exchanged several emails. Today’s eNewsletter is lengthy, but informative and well stated by Francesca.

She wrote, “I’m not a writer, just a retired educator, so here goes. Antigua is undoubtedly the best place to be stranded, but home calls. (Burbank, California-me; Lake Arrowhead, California area-Dan).

“With the Antigua airport finally reopened, we flew back to Los Angeles yesterday.

“Dan, 75, and I, 73, met on Match. We’ve been together two years and hope to make it last for many more.

“When we realized we weren’t going home in April as planned, we didn’t have to change our accommodations. We were able to pay rent on a month-to-month basis. We’ve had to stay two extra months plus a few days.

“Dan has a small medical billing business; he can take his work with him as long as there’s wi-fi and Internet, which I can also use. It’s been an adventure here. 

“For the last three years, Dan has rented a one-bedroom apartment in Antigua during the winter months. He lives in the San Bernardino Mountains and likes to get away to a warm climate, away from the snow and ice.

“Dan arrived in Antigua mid-January, with a return ticket to LA on April 8. For the past two years, I’ve joined him for the last month of his stay. I arrived March 4, planning a month of enjoying the island and relaxing on the beach. But then COVID-19 came along, and things changed.

“In late March, to contain the virus, the Antiguan government closed all entry points to the island, including the one and only airport. They then put into place numerous severe restrictions, the most difficult of which was a 24-hour curfew where we couldn’t leave our hotel except for trips to the grocery store. We couldn’t go to the beach. Antiguans boast that they have 365 beaches; every one of them was closed.

“It was rough going for a while. Especially hard was that we have a beautiful little beach within a 15-minute walk from our place, but we couldn’t even ‘visit’ it, let alone enjoy swimming and snorkeling. Eventually, they lifted the curfew hours; but it was in effect from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. We were able to visit our beach, and swim and snorkel as much as we wanted.

“We still had inconveniences with groceries and such. We’re in a ‘hotel,’ but it’s really an apartment complex, with 10 one-bedroom apartments, each with a full kitchen. We didn’t have too much trouble with groceries when I first arrived. The closest grocery store is about a mile away. We don’t have a car, so I used to walk there every few days to pick up a couple of things that we needed. It was a nice walk and good exercise. 

“The route took me through the back gate of Jolly Harbour, a nearby community that serves foreign travelers, but they always let us through. That is, until COVID-19 came along.  

 “At that point, they closed the back gate to everyone. Then, it got tough. Getting groceries became a major planning event. We couldn’t walk there anymore; the only way to get to the store on foot was a 3.5-mile trek one-way. Without a car, we paid Mr. Hunt, the maintenance man at our hotel, to drive us to the store. We could no longer decide on the spur-of-the-moment to go pick up a few things.”  

In an earlier email, Francesca wrote, “Our Mr. Hunt has been a godsend. He’s a native Antiguan and seems to know everyone in town. Just ask him about anything concerning the local community, and he’ll catch you up on the latest news. Theoretically, he speaks English, but we think he actually speaks a combination of English and the Antiguan patois. 

“When he speaks to you, you can catch one or two English words, but you have to do a lot of guessing to find out what he’s really saying. He knows he’s not always understandable, so he peppers his conversations with ‘You understand what I mean?’  He’s just a sweetheart of a guy. If you ask him to do anything for you, he immediately answers, ‘No problem, no problem, no problem.’  We couldn’t get along without him.

“At one point during our stay, the grocery stores were only open from 7 a.m. to noon, so we had to make sure we got there early. The first time I went to the grocery store when those hours were in effect, there was a huge line of people waiting to get into the store. They were letting in only a few at a time, and they were giving out numbers.

“Some people waited three hours to get in. I had been told there was a ‘senior line,’ so I played the senior age card and had to wait only about 10 min.  

“However, and I didn’t know this at the time, they had placed a limit on how long you could be in the store. About 10 minutes into my shopping trip, a burly security woman walked around the store yelling that we had only five minutes left of our 15-minute allotment.  At that point, I ran around the store trying to pick up as many items as I could from our long list.

“Another security guard saw my cart piled high with groceries, assumed I had been there a long time, and told me I had to go to the cashier. I played the senior age card again and said I needed just one more item from the produce department. He let me go, but as soon as his back was turned, I got the produce item and scurried off to get as many items as I could before he’d come after me again. What an experience!

“We tried a delivery service for our groceries, but it took days to get the groceries we had ordered. Every day for three days someone showed up with a shopping bag with a few items from the list we had sent them. Some items didn’t match what we had ordered, and some items never got delivered. We decided to forget that idea…

“Last year when I was here, we went out to restaurants and enjoyed the island reggae, but, of course, this year’s been a different story: no restaurants or bars are open. The good news is that takeout became available, and they’re planning on reopening restaurants and bars next week. Masks and social distancing are required, of course. 

“The nearby restaurants don’t deliver food, so if we want takeout, we have to ask Mr. Hunt to drive us to a restaurant, get takeout, and just turn around, and take the food back home. We’ve been doing a lot of cooking at home. I don’t cook much, so it’s been kind of fun researching new recipes. That’s a bright spot in the whole food thing.

“We initially thought that running out of prescription medication was going to be a problem, but it has turned out to be easier than we expected, and it’s been a real eye-opener. There’s a little pharmacy in town where luckily we’ve been able to get most of our medications, even the prescription meds. For the most part, you don’t need prescriptions here, and the meds cost a fraction of the cost back in the States. 

“For example, Dan’s statins cost $.40/box here, while that same box costs a bundle back home. Many of our prescription drugs are over-the-counter drugs here. It is so true that Big Pharma charges outrageous prices for meds that other countries simply dispense over the counter. So sad…

“Antigua seems to have the virus under control now because the restrictions have been so effective. There were only 25 confirmed cases in all and only three deaths. They confirmed recently that there is only one active case on the island. That person is currently hospitalized but will soon be released. The threat of exposure is low, but, of course, when we’re in public, we still need to wear masks and maintain social distancing.”

In an earlier email, Francesca said, “The government is reopening the airport this coming week; no tourists have been allowed entry for a couple of months. The major industry here is tourism, so the country’s GDP has plummeted, as you can imagine, and there are a lot of people out of work. 

“Reopening the airport allowing tourists onto the island is an important step in reviving the economy. But the number of COVID cases may rise again when international travelers arrive. If that happens, the government may need to re-establish some restrictions.

“To counter a possible rise in COVID cases, they’re planning on giving every new arrival at the airport a ‘rapid test.’  It’s an antigen test that has an 85% accuracy rate in detecting the virus. The arrivals will get the results within 15 minutes. 

“If someone tests positive, they’ll be isolated. If they test negative, they will be able to go to their hotel, but they will have their temperature taken every day to ensure they aren’t symptomatic. The government is also planning on randomly re-testing those who tested negative.

“Dan and I are looking forward to getting home, but we’ll miss this island. I will particularly miss that beautiful little beach near us. I’ve attached a photo of Dan and me on one of the Antiguan beaches, all masked up.

Champs Francesca and Dan – stranded in Paradise

I asked Francesca how the extended, confined stay affected their relationship, adding she didn’t have to answer such a personal inquiry from a nosey columnist.

She replied, “As with any couple living in close quarters for any length of time, we had our moments. Thankfully, this apartment is one-bedroom, so we could be apart sometimes. However, the relationship is stronger. The quarantine allowed us to have more adventures together in a very different place. We’ll always have those memories: swimming out to our special beach, savoring Caribbean dishes we’d never heard of, and much more. And we’ll smile.

“Antigua has beautiful beaches and equally beautiful people. I sincerely believe Antiguans are the friendliest people on earth.

“We hope to come back next year, but (said with a wink), maybe not for such a long time!”

Part 2 – Spike in Scams during pandemic

Yesterday, I received an email with this subject line: Dating Expert to Singles: Beware of post-COVID dating scam spike

“PLENTY OF PHISH IN THE SEA” – CRIMINALS PREYING ON INNOCENT SINGLES LOOKING FOR LOVE & STEALING PERSONAL INFORMATION

June 11, 2020: During quarantine, criminals have been posing as potential lovers on dating apps and online dating profiles, to steal personal information from vulnerable singles seeking love.  A dating expert has warned singles on Tinder, Match.com, and Bumble, among other dating apps, to be wary of a person who is asking personal questions very early on. 

“Quarantine has led people to become overly-comfortable and personally attached to dating profiles quicker than normal, as in-person meetups are out of the question. Now, criminals are robbing photos, age, location, and other personal information shared in conversation in an attempt to open accounts, hack email, and steal from those looking for that special someone.  Report suspicious behavior to law enforcement authorities who can enforce the growing risk of identity theft.”

Part 3 – Responses to “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer 1960” ebook

Some of you downloaded my ebook that was offered for $0.99 last week, and then you shared similar travel experiences that you had when younger. I’m extending the offer for two more weeks.

The book is on www.Smashwords.com, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore in the world. When you click on that link, you will be prompted to create a personal account—simply enter your email address and a password.

Then type in Tom Blake in the search box, my book covers will appear.

Click on “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus Summer of 1960.” Then click on “Buy.” Then, you will get a prompt for a Coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader. 

Thanks Champs for sharing your stories.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  May 29, 2020

                 Finding love when you live in Barra de Navidad, Mexico

The inputs I receive from our Champs help keep this eNewsletter fresh. Sharing some inputs with you today.

Shelley, San Diego, wrote, “I liked John’s suggestion to women about listing what they can bring to the table on their profiles. I’d like to share my experience.

“My husband of 40 years and soulmate died unexpectedly in 2014. I was heartbroken and felt as if my world had collapsed-well it HAD!

“A year later, I tried OK Cupid and met a man I liked, but later found out he was married!

“A year after that, I tried Seniors Meet (Now, a part of the OurTime group of sites) and was contacted by several scammers and three younger men looking for sugar-mommas! I got off that site after two months!

“My profile stated what I was looking for and what I have to offer as well as what I did NOT want. Here’s a summary of my profile:

“I am a widow of over two years–intelligent, independent, fun-loving, warm and affectionate. I am healthy, health-conscious, fit & active–you should be also.

“I’m an educated, retired professional-no children. Tall and thin with many interests.

“I am looking for a long-term committed relationship with the right man. I have done a lot of work on myself to heal.

“I have the maturity and communication skills to work through differences in healthy ways. I am loving, caring and kind. 

“Your age should be 58-70. I am responsible and can take care of myself. You need to be also. I am not looking for a ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationship. Or, a married man! I’m not eager to rush into anything. I want to develop friendship first. Please be local and sincere.

“In April, 2017, I met the man who is now my significant other. We met at the museum where I was doing volunteer work as a docent.”

Probably not a Match but worth a try

Susan wrote, “I like what John said in last week’s article about women including what they can bring to the table on their online profiles.”

I wrote back, “Where are you living and what is your age?”

Susan said, “Virginia, age 78. Why?”

I replied, “Ten minutes ago, I received an email from a high school buddy. His name is Carm. His significant other passed away last year. He emailed: ‘I never tried an online dating site and assume it’s not practical now that I live abroad. I would like to find a partner, though.’”

I said to Susan that since she and Carm had contacted me within 10 minutes of each other, I thought “What if?” Thinking, wouldn’t it be a co-incidence if she and Carm were a match?

I also mentioned to Susan that I wondered how close she and Carm were in age, and how far away they lived from each other, which is why I had asked her.

Turns out their ages are within two years of each other—perfect fit. However, they live 2,576 miles from each other, according to a website I checked. (The site added that it takes one full day plus 19 hours of driving straight through—43 hours of driving, from Virginia, to Barra de Navidad, Mexico, where Carm lives). Not so practical.

However, Carm sent me his online profile, which I had suggested he create. Carm’s profile has a solution for getting to his far-away location; it’s highlighted in yellow below.

“Carm’s profile says:

‘80-year-old man interested in a woman of similar age that would enjoy visiting me in a fishing village in Mexico (ZLO airport). I own a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house with a modern kitchen and a large garden in a walled compound. I’m healthy and interesting — a retired economist and journalist and watch MSNBC/CNN regularly.

‘I’m looking for a like-minded, vigorous woman that lives not too far from Barra de Navidad, Mexico, or, I would split airfare from the States if/when applicable for a visit. In the meantime, let’s chat lodise0711@hotmail.com.’

He included a current picture of himself, and the garden he loves in Barra.

                    My buddy Carm who reminds me of Ernest Hemingway

     The garden in his yard, to which Greta and I can attest, having been there 

 So, there you go, Susan. If interested, send Carm an email.

Then, I reminded myself that I’m not a matchmaker, as I’ve often mentioned to Champs. Think about it–matchmakers don’t introduce people living 2,567 miles apart. That being said, however, other Champs are welcome to contact Carm as well.

                                A reminder about scammers

Champ Ben commented on last week’s eNewsletter: “I never thought of adding ‘what do you bring to the table’ comments- instead of just rehashing your profile. I think signing up for a dating site is an investment in YOU and ‘There’s no downside’ – it’s about what you want in a relationship and have faith each day- it’s about attitude! Match.com has scammers on it- BEWARE!”

Tom’s comment: “All dating sites have scammers, which is a downside to online dating. Plus, reports from our Champs have warned us about Match.com. Trust your instincts, everyone.”

Champ Terri shared, “Unfortunately, the last time I mentioned what I had to offer, a man fed off what I wanted so he could be taken care of whilst sexting on POF (Plenty of Fish).

“So scary out there, con people looking for a ride. It has quelled my wanting a relationship and I do have lot to offer. It’s sad the way some people think.”

(Terri, do you live near Barra de Navidad, Mexico? Just asking…)

Also, last week, we included a photo of Champ Chris appearing in the movies Jaws and The Godfather. I made a mistake on Chris’s age and his wife Tina’s age. I said they were 84 and 77, respectively. True age: Chris is 86; Tina 79, which makes them an even more amazing couple.

Champ Mark, my former dentist now living in Palm Springs, a man of few words, wrote; “Dating sites are a waste of time—get out there and meet a REAL person.”

Response: “You’re right Dr. Wilson. But, a bit difficult under the current circumstances. When Greta and I were in Palm Springs two weeks ago, it looked like a scene from a Western movie. Everybody wearing masks. Bars, restaurants and gathering places closed tighter than a drum. I guess it’s lightening up out there a little, but still hard to meet new people. Ralph’s and Rite Aid were open. but masks were required.

                        Part 2 – Finally, a 60-year project is completed

Without things to do during these stay-at-home times, I’d go nuts. So, I decided to finish a project that has been on the back burner for 60 years.

In the summer of 1960, I went to Europe with four other guys. We lived in a VW bus. Oh yes, it was crowded. We visited 15 countries in 84 days. Our final 16 days were in Rome, taking in the summer Olympics.

We consumed far too much beer at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich and on a picnic while sitting under the 1952 Winter Olympics ski jump in Oslo. I thought we were goners when the police in Communist Yugoslavia pulled us over in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. We flew home on the USA Olympic team charter plane, from Rome, with a young man named Cassius Clay. I kept a diary.

I had always wanted to write a book about that experience. I completed the book last week. It’s an ebook. No printed copies available. Title: “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus. Summer of 1960.” Perhaps some of you were in Europe that summer, or some other summer. Might trigger some memories.

If any of you would like to download a copy to your computers or Kindles, the price to you is $0.99. (Ninety-nine cents; A 75% discount vs. the public’s price of $3.99). Takes a couple of hours to read.

Here’s how you do it:

The book is on Smashwords, which happens to be the largest ebook bookstore and ebook distributor in the world. 

The first time you visit the Smashwords site, you will be prompted to create a free Smashwords personal account. Just enter your email address and create a password.  Go to www.smashwords.com . Easy as pie. That takes about 20 seconds. Write the password down somewhere so you will remember it when asked in future visits. 

After creating your account, enter my name Tom Blake in the search box. The covers of the books I have on the site will appear. Click on the “84 Days Through Europe in a VW Bus” icon.  

Then click on “Buy.” After that, you will get a prompt for a coupon, which will entitle you to your $.99 copy. Enter this coupon code WR49Q

You can either download the book to your computer (download epub or original document) or Kindle (Kindle use the Mobi download). Feel free to save it to your device. Or, simply read it with Smashwords’ online reader. 

Email me with comments or observations (tompblake@gmail.com). Remember, you will need to create a Smashword account on your first visit. Then, when you return to the site in the future, just enter your password.