Columnist Tom Blake – Page 4 – On Life and Love after 50

Widower Dating – Responses to Widower Seeks Clarity

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

December 16, 2022

By Columnist Tom Blake

Widower gets advice from Champs

In last week’s eNewsletter, Ben, a widower of two years, described his relationship with Abby, one of his deceased wife’s best friends, who lives nearly 3,000 miles from him. After a five-day vacation together, on the West Coast, Abby was going to move cross country to live with Ben but changed her mind after pondering it for a few weeks.

Ben has intense feelings for her and wonders why he feels so strongly. Abby says she might move in with him after August 2023.

I asked for your opinions, and wow oh wow, you came through like Champs—23 responses are included below. Champ Larry’s comment inspired the link to a 1953 oldies song at the end of today’s column.

Mary Lou, “All I get from this saga is relief that it’s them and not me. Also, is ‘radical honesty’ different from the truth?

“I think Ben needs to move on. I see only trouble ahead. It must be hard to be widowed after 29 years of marriage. Perhaps not enough time has passed since his wife’s death. Before either person moves, get one-on-one counseling.”

Belinda, “What disturbed me in this scenario is when Ben said he’s no longer sending any sort of ‘emotion’ in his texts to Abby, rather, he’s sending information about his day. That’s no way to keep a long-distance relationship going, especially with a woman he says he cares for so deeply.

“As for the moving thing, Ben and Abby are entitled to their happiness and that means that adult children can either deal with it or launch their own lives elsewhere. At this age, we are way past living for our children’s needs. He’s 62. Time for his own life and pleasure.

“His mother has her own self-contained place. His children are grown. The 17-year-old is grown and may be leaving for college in a few months.

“The older children should already be established in their lives and no longer living off dad. “If Abby feels she is in love with Ben, they will communicate their individual desires and hopes for the future and come up with a plan that will work for them.

“Love at this age is tough to find and we need to cherish it when we are lucky enough to have it.

“Children grow up and leave. Ben could live another 20-plus years. Being alone because of more sacrifice for what makes children comfortable at this age is folly. I would actively move them out and move Abby in, make a commitment, and live in happiness.”

Nigelle, “Ben is doing the sensible thing by ‘throttling back’ the emotional texting. I don’t feel he loves Abby; I sense he ‘needs’ her, and that can be a powerful factor that clouds the matter.”

S (a woman), “Ben’s only been widowed two years. He’s not yet through the grieving process. Abby was handy and convenient albeit too soon. Ben did not have the opportunity to explore other options. Abby had a change of heart. In order to preserve the friendship, and that’s what it is, back away slowly.”

Carolyn, “This is what can happen with kids in the senior dating mix. Too many red flags. Her daughter threw a monkey wrench into the plans for Abby to move into Ben’s home. Daughters don’t want their moms to move away from them.

“Also, Ben has his mom and one of his sons living with him. Time for Ben to move on.”

Patty, “I lost my husband of 47 years in July. I think Abby thought about giving up her space to live with him, his kids, and his mother—the trade-off didn’t equal up. Every woman misses the intimacy, tenderness, and true friendship of a partner, but the process of breaking in someone new is daunting. Abby isn’t his true match.”

Kim, “It seems like it was too much too soon. We all know how ‘heady’ love is at first and maybe we perceive things differently at that time. Ben and Abby have a lot on their plates but found a convenient love opportunity.

“They should step back for a minute and take that ‘soulmate’ stuff out of the equation. Familiarity is an easy way to slip into a bad relationship. Like best friends that take the plunge and then regret sets in because they miss the ease of friendship.”

Colleen, “Maybe Abby feels bad about her private communicating with Ben prior to Ruth’s passing and now doesn’t feel right moving into her best friend’s home.”

Alicia, “I think Ben and Abby already knew in their minds that they wanted something romantic and intimate to transpire during their vacation together. Otherwise, why even mention celibacy? Abby probably concluded that they needed to proceed at a slower pace. She likely wants them both to be more certain about the authenticity of their mutual love. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

“The intensity of his love for Abby? I believe our hearts can hold love for someone else on different levels and that is okay. It does not diminish his love for his wife, nor does it diminish his love for Abby. If they both can accept this, they can make it happen.

“The children will be a part of their lives forever, so it’s appropriate to consider how they feel, and give them time to digest it, and after some time, Ben and Abby will decide if living together is a good idea or not.”

Four men speak up

Carmelo, “Jump in; take a chance. What’s to lose?”

Wayne, “Way too many red flags with this Ben and Abby senior dating situation.”

Larry, “Vaya Con Dios, my darling.” (link to the song below)

Dave, “My story is included in your How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book. It’s Chapter 32 (Dave and Franny) and called A Lifetime in Seven Years. For Ben, I quote words of advice from that chapter:

‘Eventually, it dawned on me. What I had to do was accept who and what I was. I needed to like myself, actually love myself before I could love another unconditionally. I needed to prepare myself for the dawn of my new life.

“When I would meet that one special lady who was destined to be my unconditional partner.’

Dave continued, “No one has the questions Ben should be asking. Only Ben knows what is within himself. His questions will come from and be generated by his honesty with and about himself; understanding who and what is really his, and where he is now, today, not yesterday.”

Tom’s comment: Dave’s Chapter 32 is one of the most sincere, heart-wrenching chapters in the entire “How 50 Couples Found Love after 50” book. He inked those quoted words 13 years ago.

Althea, “Abby got caught up in the heat of the five days together, thinking Ben was her soul mate. When she got back home, she had time alone to think; she got cold feet and saw what she would have to give up by moving 3,000 miles away to live with Ben.

“Later, in a text, she said ‘maybe’ she’d move to his place in nine months. That’s pretty iffy. They should spend a LOT more time thinking it through and spend more time together on both coasts to see what develops after the rush of emotions settles down.”

Margaret, “Too many red flags. Often bad choices are made when a person is senior grieving. Ben should spend more time thinking of the long-term consequences of moving Abby cross country. If things don’t work out for them, it could be disastrous for both of them.”

Thyrza, “Both should cool off and let clearer heads prevail. Both have red flags.”

Kaitte, “Lots of excuses and red flags. Ben’s household is too crowded with his family. They both should let it go. They can revisit at a later date if and when situations change.”

Robbie, “Ben doesn’t want to be single. Amy has come along at the right time, even though they’ve known each other for years. I wish them the best.”

Bonnie, “I don’t think she was trying to jilt Ben. She suddenly had life events that needed her attention. We all can get caught up in new love and then life happens. Abby is the one relocating. That is a big deal. Especially when they will share a home with Ben’s elderly mom and son. Perhaps best to plan visits every five or six weeks back and forth.

“I think Abby is sincere. It just may take some adjustments along the way. The only factor that may alter Abby’s decision may be her daughter. That’s a big one.”

Jeanne, “Way too complicated of a relationship. Adios.”

Francine, “Ben has not explored any relationship other than Abby. I think he should date again and if in six months he still has feelings for Abby then he should pursue her. Abby also has to figure things out.”

Kathy, “They should both stay where they are. Abby living with his mom and son will never work as everyone needs their own space. They should keep up the texts and calls and rendezvous every three months in different places—e.g., a hotel in Vegas, a condo in Cancun, and a cabin in Colorado.”

Deanne, “I am a widow; I understand what Ben is going through. He is looking for the quick and easy with little work or he’s avoiding the uneasiness of starting a new relationship with someone else. Ben could put himself in a worse spot if he doesn’t take his foot off the gas pedal.

Vaya Con Dios song (1953) by Les Paul and Mary Ford

Link to Vaya Con Dios with Les Paul and Mary Ford

Happy Thanksgiving

Road runner crop — Roadrunner at the Indian Canyons Golf Course Outdoor restaurant (photo by Tom Blake November 2023 while dining)

Instead of picking on a poor turkey this Thanksgiving week, this roadrunner is pictured at Indian Canyons Golf Resort South Restaurant (open to the public) in Palm Springs. Ca. Don’t drop food; she’ll out-peck you.

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

November 24, 2022

Brief eNewsletter This Thanksgiving 2023 Week

By Columnist Tom Blake

Happy Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving Week. A brief column today while thinking of Greta Cohn, my partner of 25 years, who passed away October 29.

However, as I often do, I have a song for you. In honor of Greta and the roadrunner pictured above, the song is “All The Roadrunning” by Emmylou Harris and Mark Knopfler, a strong favorite of mine. Here’s All the Roadrunning link

I dedicate this song to a friend who helped me for a short time after the passing of Greta. If she’s reading this eNewsletter today, she probably understands why it’s dedicated to her.

See you next week. Send in your stories.

A recent widow sees no chance of dating again

Singer and songwriter Rod Stewart is mentioned today. The photo courtesy of TheScottishSun.co.UK

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

November 18, 2022

A Widow Sees No Chance of Dating Again

By Columnist Tom Blake

Married 40 years, a recent widow sees no chance of dating again

This week, I received an email from a recent widow. She gave me permission to share the email’s contents with our Champs. I will call her Maggie May, not her actual name.

Coincidentally, Maggie May is the name of a 1971 song by Rod Stewart. At the end of today’s article, there is more information on Stewart’s songs and a link to Maggie May, and another link to the flip side of that record, Reason To Believe.

Maggie May emailed, “I follow your articles in the San Clemente Times in southern California. I enjoy hearing the male perspective on dating. I haven’t noticed women writing to you saying something like this, so I will say it: ‘I am 60, recently widowed after 40 years of marriage (Covid took my college sweetheart), and wanting to date.’

“I tried the dating apps and failed. I am not willing to pay $5,000 for a professional matchmaker. I contacted a matchmaker; she was very nice initially. Then she found out my husband and I had opposite religious faiths, which was never an issue for us in 40 years. We celebrated both religions. She turned cold. It was shocking.

“Also, friends and family don’t know anyone for me to date.

“I am physically active. I volunteer and play sports, but I just don’t see a chance of dating again. Where do I start? Are you sure you aren’t a matchmaker?”

Tom’s response to Maggie May “Thank you for mustering the courage to contact me. By writing, you have already started to enter the senior dating arena. More importantly, please don’t give up on the chance of dating again.

“You are young, and just beginning your quest.

“You didn’t fail with online dating; it just didn’t work out for you. While online dating has been successful for some seniors, many feel as you feel, it’s not their cup of tea.

“And no, I’m not a matchmaker, but lately, a few south Orange County single guys around your age have contacted me. Perhaps you can exchange emails with them. Let me know if you want me to give you their email addresses.

“You said friends and family don’t help you. But consider this, perhaps a neighbor down the street or across town appeals to you but he isn’t available. You may not even be aware of him but your family members or friends might know him.

“However, life can change in an instant. That guy might become single overnight. He may feel like you, asking himself, ‘Where do I start?’ Keep reminding your friends and family that you’d like to meet a nice guy. Don’t give up asking them. It only takes one.

“Another indication that you have already started is by your doing volunteer work and playing sports, places where you meet new people. The important thing: Continue to get off the couch and out of the house and pursue activities you enjoy. Maybe even add a few more activities.

“Finding a new relationship doesn’t just happen. However, you can dramatically help make it happen by making interacting socially with people a top priority.

“If you see a man who appeals to you, and, who appears to be available (no wedding ring or maybe he winks at you), strike up a conversation or ask him a question, whether in the produce or wine section of a store, at church, or wherever you go when you are out and about. Be assertive, but not aggressive, and always be friendly and smile. Exude positive energy.

“Let’s say he’s already in a relationship. He might mention to you that he has a buddy who would like to meet potential mates and he’d be happy to introduce you to his buddy.

“I recommend you sign up for this free weekly On Life and Love After eNewsletter. Simply email me and I’ll add you, or you can sign up on the homepage of my website listed below. I attempt to answer all emails in a timely manner.

“Having lost Greta, my partner of 25 years, last month, I understand your loneliness and pain. Perhaps, via this eNewsletter, you’ll get some tips that might be helpful, or you might exchange emails with single men. I’ve often explained why I’m not a matchmaker to our Champs; I think they understand.

“Don’t give up; you are on your way to the senior dating arena.”

Tom’s comment about two Rod Stewart songs The song Maggie May became a number-one hit on the charts. It was the B-side of the record (the A-side was Reason To Believe). Maggie May features one of the most memorable “get-even-for- breaking-my-heart” lines I’ve ever heard:

“The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age.”

Link to Maggie May by Rod Stewart

I like the A-side Reason To Believe better. Its opening words are also a relationship-misery classic: “If I listened long enough to you, I’d find a way to believe that it’s all true. Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried. Still, I look to find a reason to believe.”
Link to Reason To Believe by Rod Stewart

And finally, thanks to so many of you for sending heartwarming thoughts and sympathy wishes to me, regarding my losing Greta three weeks ago. Together, let’s keep this eNewsletter moving forward.

A Tribute to Greta Cohn – 6 Songs

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

November 11, 2022

Loving Her Was Easier than anything I’ll ever do again

By Columnist Tom Blake

Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)

A few years ago, my partner Greta asked, “Is there anything you want me to do as far as a ceremony if you pass away?”

I replied, “I don’t want a funeral, but if you have a celebration of life for me, I’d like you to play six of my favorite most meaningful songs by the original artists. Make a tape of them and play each song. I insist they are the recorded version and not by a tribute band or some other artist.”

Greta said, “Will you write them down for me?”

I did, and here is the list:

1 Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again) by Kris Kristofferson

2. If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks

3. Sunday Morning Coming Down by Johnny Cash (written by Kris Kristofferson)

4. The Dance by Garth Brooks

5. Dry Your Eyes by Neil Diamond

6. Dreaming My Dreams by Waylon Jennings

Of course, when I handed the list to Greta, I didn’t expect that someday I’d be playing one or more of those songs in her memory. They are all country and Western songs and Greta–when we first met–wasn’t a country fan and didn’t know much about country music. I love country music because it’s so expressive and written from the heart.

Over the years, Greta started to enjoy it. I about fell over when she asked me to play a video of Freddy Fender singing, “Before The Next Teardrop Falls.”

Fender wasn’t country, he was a Tex-Mex Tejano singer, but when she said that, I knew she had expanded her music-loving horizons to a point she had never expected.

There was no way I felt that I would outlive Greta. (Greta Cohn passed away two weeks ago, October 29). In her honor, I am including a link to the first song on the list, Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again,) at the end of today’s eNewsletter.

Next, I must tell you how overwhelmed I am by the emails you Champs sent me last week. There were so many that it took me three days to either respond to each one or at least, archive each one.

If what you emailed me is not included in today’s column, please understand, there wasn’t enough space, although they were all incredible and each one touched me deeply.

My intention in this week’s eNewsletter is not to get syrupy or drag you through my grief, but rather it’s to ensure I clearly express my appreciation for the caring and outpouring of love you sent to Greta and to me.

My first realization was how many of you Champs have also lost loved ones in your lives. Your messages about your experiences have helped me greatly and hopefully will help others when the need arises.

John said, “I can relate to your feelings as I’ve lost two wives to cancer.”

Victoria added, “I have been in your shoes, 13 years ago, my husband of 25 years died.”

Beverly emailed, “My husband died in late July.”

A male Champ said, “My former wife was a special ed teacher (as was Greta) and special education teachers are so important they get to be in the express lane when they get to heaven.”

My second realization was how much Champs loved Greta, although most hadn’t met her in person.

While each email was special to me, I’d like to share a few that truly hit home.

Anne, a widow living in Arizona, who was married to a high school classmate of mine, wrote, “After my husband died, I went to a grief workshop. One of the things they taught was what they call STUGS. It stands for the Sudden Temporary Uptake of Grief. These hit at unpredictable times. Sometimes, I could identify a trigger, but other times they just came like a bolt out of the blue.”

Oh my gosh, I clearly understood what Anne described. I’m certain other Champs have experienced STUGS themselves. They are like earthquakes and can arrive in clusters or one at a time. At least now I understand they are normal reactions to losing love, whether a partner, family member, friend or even a pet. I’ve had a plethora of STUGs this week.

Mark, another Champ, emailed saying he and his siblings are forever grateful to Greta for laying her hands on the gravestones of his parents in a cemetery in American Samoa. Greta and I visited Mark’s parents’ graves four years ago while on an extensive cruise in Asia and the Pacific.

Francine wrote, “I know how you feel as my husband passed away unexpectedly in 2012 at age 67. A year later, I started to date Bob. He passed away in 2017 at age 69. Healing takes time. You don’t get over it; you just get through it.”

Ray wrote, “To be overwhelmed by grief, you must be overwhelmed by love. You had a relationship to be treasured and remembered.”

Marty stated, “I’m bawling like a baby, after reading your column for so many years, I felt I knew Greta. She was very special.”

There are no words

One theme that was mentioned in many emails was the feeling that there are no words spoken that can make the pain go away. For example, Rhen’s email began “Words fail at this time…”

Jessica, wrote, “There are no words…”

Carolyn emailed, “Words can never express how sorrowful I feel…”

And, Terry said, “Tears are falling…I could see the love and respect you both had for each other.”

And then, there were endless heartwarming emails. Here are three:

Elenute wrote, “Thank you, Tom, for being in our life, too.”

Nigelle said, “When sorrow’s shadow lessens, you will know Greta in every flower and every sunrise.”

Jessica emailed, “You and Greta felt like family.”

I will end this eNewsletter with a message from Deanne who wrote, “I hope you continue writing for many years. It brings us laughter and the true reality of being over 50. It gives us knowledge, and hope, and brightens our days. I don’t sleep well, so, early on Friday mornings, I’m always looking for what you’ve written.”

Thanks to all of you for being virtually by my side during this very difficult time. I feel the power of love from each of you.

Link to “Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbhkqQTgnv4

Senior Sex and Commitment

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter October 28, 2022

18 Responses to Senior Sex and Commitment By Columnist Tom Blake

  18 responses to last week’s sex and commitment eNewsletter Editor alert:

This is the longest eNewsletter I’ve ever written, thanks to the sage comments from our Champs regarding senior sex and commitment. And senior sex and intimacy. Be sure you read the final response from an anonymous man. He hit the winning home run, during this, World Series week.

Today’s eNewsletter features 18 responses (12 from women, six from men). The ratio of women to men responding was two-to-one, dramatically more favorable than the dreaded senior dating ratio of seven-to-one mentioned last week. What women said Joanie emailed, “I think an 81-year-old man in good shape should advertise himself as an ‘escort’ (be healthy, stay in shape, look good, dress well, and smell good).

“Many single women have events and dinners to attend and need an escort but not a relationship. A man, by escorting, is doing community service without commitment. He’s getting to know the women and will eventually find one that is compatible.

“When he is the escort, the woman pays for everything, even if she wants a traveling companion, she pays. I saw a TV program about two older men in Palm Beach, Florida who were doing this.

“In this way, everyone gets what they want, and the man will eventually meet a true partner. Dating for oldsters is hard because it has a potentially romantic connotation whereas escorting does not have that connotation.”

Carolyn said, “The sex factor constantly pops up in the dating scene. Like many women, I have decided to not date anymore. Sad but true. I have been disappointed so many times by men who think that if they take you out to dinner or the theatre, they are owed a roll in the hay!

“The last man I dated was wonderful to speak with and we had so many of the same interests. I thought that I finally found a wonderful guy. However, after the second date, he mentioned SEX! “Not a problem for me since I do enjoy it, but he thought it was appropriate to say we should try it first before we continued our relationship. I was shocked when he said, ‘You wouldn’t buy a car without trying it out, right?’ That was the end of the relationship.

“Now, I attend group functions, theatre, dancing, Zumba classes, and movies. I enjoy my single life! Still, fingers crossed in hoping to meet someone special!”

Linda: “Lots of women don’t like sex. They gave it up after the kids were raised. I’m 72 and have lots of lady friends my age who aren’t interested.

“Men want sex even if they are unable to perform. Some men can’t take Viagra or Cialis because of the cardiac medications they are on. Men also want someone who can cook and take care of the house. Some women don’t want to cook anymore. So, there are quite a few women who don’t want sex, don’t want to cook, and haven’t taken care of their bodies.”

“Women like myself, who like sex and don’t want to be with a nice guy who can’t have sex–and who just wants me to cook and clean for him–won’t work for me. With the 7:1 ratio, I have no problem finding a male interested in me in this 55-plus community where I live. I’d say I’m a more balanced older lady. I enjoy, sex, I’m a good cook, I’m social and good looking and I’m in good physical condition for my age.”

Gail, “Senior sex is a bitch. I wish I could have it as often as I want and not be affected by it. Unfortunately, as a widow, I realized I was not a carefree-sex person. I tried.

“Once sex came into the relationship, and the guy was not a committed BF, I tried to make it so. I did not like being that type of woman. So now, after two or three dates, I tell him that he is pressuring me for sex and I’m not on the same page.

“If he likes me, he’ll work to make it happen, so far, there have been none of those. Truly, why should he wait? I get it, there are seven or more women waiting.

“So, I enjoy my friends and activities and keep hoping I’ll find that single, great guy who wants a committed relationship with me and not just sex.”

Anonymous (woman), “I just read your newsletter and decided to comment…since it has to do with sex, something I used to love and do miss now.

“The last time I had sex with a man was in the summer of 2016. He was 53 with a youngish, still in-good-shaped body. I was 67… and not in the potato body shape, I have now. At that point, I had known him intimately for 14 years so casual sex was comfortable with him, and I had seen his body for 14 years, starting at age 39. Major attraction.

“I have found it difficult over my years of dating men age 60+ to feel any sexual attraction to these men. They are old and they are strangers. I was not one to have casual sex with men I had no loving feelings for.

“Men I have never seen naked when they were 30 and now at 75 or 85, I don’t want to see naked! At least not casually. I suppose if I dated someone (platonically) for a long period of time and fell in love, that would be a different feeling.

“I haven’t met that man yet-I don’t ‘fall’ easily. But these older men I have experienced, have been missing a spouse or long-term girlfriend and they just want to have sex.

“For me and maybe many women like me, thinking about dating and possibly having sex with a man in his 70s-80s is not appealing. Now we just want the companionship we would have had if we had aged for years with a husband. Like most men, I am a visual person and my senses including sight and smell either turn me on or off.”

Mariana, “I believe age 81 isn’t important. More important is a woman’s attitude, her style of dressing to be feminine and not to act like an old lady. Her chance will be much higher no matter how many women are out there, they mostly are not competition for this kind of woman.”

Laurie Jo, “Sex without a commitment is not for me. After divorcing my husband, I decided to have a sleepover with a nice man whom I found attractive. It wasn’t all that great, and I felt cheap and ‘icky’ the next day.

“I tried it and did not like it. If other people are ok with that sort of thing, more power to them. But for me? Absolutely not ever again.”

Marie, “When it comes to having sex, it’s been my experience that there is little difference in behavior between guys in their 70s and 80s and from how I remember them behaving in their late teens, 20s, 30s, etc.

“The difference with some older guys is that they come with a ton of emotional maturity and wisdom, but they all like to have sex. Women do too, although generally, they are more selective, and while they appreciate intimacy, they take longer to appreciate someone as a possible sexual partner.

“Most, not all women, also prefer some type of commitment. I think one 83-year-old guy whom I had just met summed it up well. He told me that he was sexually active, his plumbing worked, and he could do everything that he could do when he was younger, except that it took him a little longer to do so.

“What he failed to understand, is that if he had waited to tell me something so intimate, and actually taken the time to develop a friendship, I might actually have been interested.”

Susie, “I understand what Jerry from last week is talking about. I am the female version of him! I am 80 and still very interested in the sexual part of my life. Women say, ‘Why can’t you just be happy with a nice man’s company and forget about the sex part? You would have someone to go out to dinner with, travel with, and have great conversations with.’

“I say I am not dead yet but, for me finding someone that I am attracted to is a big problem! I am very active and look and act much younger than 80. I am not looking for marriage again, but I would like a partner in crime.”

Kattie, “This is why I have so much trouble finding someone, it’s not just small-town blues, or being on dating sites, or meeting in person. I’m 70, an attractive homebody but I like short excursions. What I’ve found over the last 20 years online and in general, about 70% of men ask very personal questions about sex and my body during the first conversation.

“They show pics without shirts from their 50s, 60s, and 70s and up. A total turn-off for me. I don’t need marriage, but I do need monogamy, no wondering about multiple women in my world.

“I need to get to know somebody. I will kiss cheeks. I remember a 2nd lunch date. He kissed me three times in the parking lot on the lips before I pushed him away. WTH. I feel a woman will initiate another kiss if she wants more; it must be mutual.

“I would have been good if he’d just given me time instead of pushing so hard so fast. He cut off the whole friendship. Then later he said he might have made a mistake. That was two years ago. I haven’t heard from him. No chance, no romance. It would be nice to be in an intimate/sexual relationship, but I won’t be rushed.”

S (woman), “I met this man who doesn’t date women over 40. Why? He said they’ve lost all ‘desire.’ He doesn’t want a relationship, merely sex. He’s a nice-looking man, 73, fit, and has all his hair and all his teeth.

“Sure, he can get the younger women now, but what happens in seven years when he’s 80? A 40-year-old isn’t going to want him! Guys, it’s important to build a relationship-the sex comes with it.”

Marjorie, “Such a conundrum. Jerry seems to think that one should be physical first, then emotional intimacy will follow. But the problem for many women who are looking for a long-term relationship is that emotional intimacy usually doesn’t follow, and these women are left wondering why the guy has disappeared after sex or a few dates.

“Or maybe they think, he’s not the guy I thought he was, and they lose interest. I think from the female viewpoint unless you just want many sex partners, one should be in a mutually exclusive committed relationship before embarking on sex.

“I know, probably unrealistic today. I would just say to people that if you are in a committed relationship, you are building sexual intimacy on a foundation of mutual respect and love. Otherwise, it feels more like you are just taking each other out for a test drive without an emotional connection.

“Most senior women have a good life with a circle of friends, family, and exciting activities. We don’t need a man who brings nothing to the table that we need or want.

“We want someone who makes our lives richer, more fun, and exciting, we want attentive loving lovers. Maybe he’s not that great of a lover. Or that great of a friend. It sounds like women may not be interested in taking Jerry for a test drive.”

“Yes, I am the Marjie who wrote to you previously about reconnecting with her college boyfriend after 46 years. We have been in an exclusive long-distance relationship (1300 miles apart) for the past 2 1/2 years. Through covid.

“We spent the past summer in Montana and this past week in Portland OR for a Who concert.”

What men said

Ken, Mobile, Alabama, emailed, “I must live in the only area in the whole country where there are so few single women over 60. I’m widowed and 64 and rarely meet a woman who is not married and over 55. Mobile is not a haven for single women over 55 but plenty of 35-55 ladies who are just too young for me!”

Army (Curtis) “I feel Jerry’s pain. If a woman has had to take care of a husband that has died with lingering issues, they don’t want to do that again.

“If they want to go out for fun, they will call a girlfriend. They shrug off the nice guys and keep picking the bad boys who cheat on them, or who verbally or physically abuse them. Then, they wonder why they always get the loser.

“These are the men they pick, always the same kind. Then, they finally give up dating. I go out on weekend nights and see tables of groups of women partying with themselves.”

Don, “As I’ve aged, my experience is that women become nonsexual at an earlier age than men. Despite cries of bias, men place more value on sex than women. This is true. It is uncomfortable to talk about. And just talking here makes me cringe.”

Art, Laguna Niguel, Calif. “I am 71, and relatively active. After being married for 48 years, I found myself suddenly single. The last two years have been ‘interesting,’ dealing with a divorce, moving twice, selling a house, buying, and remodeling a house, selling a business, and retiring just a few months ago, all complicated a bit by doing it during the pandemic.

“One of the things I have learned about myself over that period is that I enjoy life more being able to share the joys with someone else. I heard a quote attributed to the late golfer Tom Weiskopf: ‘You don’t want to walk the back nine alone.’

“So now I want to, ‘get back in the market.’ I have decided to try online dating, and the more I research the options, the more confusing it is. Based on your communication with your Champs over the years, do you have an opinion about which might be the preferred service for a guy my age who is looking for a serious, ‘forever’ relationship?

“The online sites all have advantages and disadvantages one doesn’t find about until you’re involved in the process for a while. Others’ experiences would be of value to me.

Bill, “Intimacy is a highly personal matter at any age. Acting responsibly with a partner is important. Sex drives vary greatly especially as we age. Being honest with your partner makes for both the best emotional and physical relationship.

“Some people might want multiple partners, but I think most seniors want monogamy and no one should risk transmitting sexual diseases. Great sex as one grows older can really enhance a relationship.”

And finally below, the sixth man to comment. His email describes a widower’s difficult decision to move on with life after losing his wife—the only woman he had ever been with. It’s one of the most poignant emails I’ve ever used in an eNewsletter. I think you’ll agree.

The 6^th man, “Here are my thoughts regarding your most recent eNewsletter but please do not use my real name as this is very personal and I’d prefer to remain anonymous.   “I’m in my early 60’s and widowed. My late wife and I were committed to each other since we were teenagers and married soon after college. Our relationship started so young, we were the only ones each of us had been intimate with and we loved and valued that bond. “As two people in love and with an active sex drive, it was difficult for us both when my wife’s illness prevented any kind of physical intimacy. But that was only one part of our relationship, and the other parts grew stronger to compensate. My love and commitment towards her were reason enough for me to put my sexual urges on the back burner as I focused on caring for her.

“After her passing, I knew there would be a time when I would resume being sexually active but had no idea when I would feel ready and when I would find a woman I was attracted to. Fast forward to today and I am now dating a wonderful woman.

“As you would expect from two healthy adults who are attracted to each other, we have become physically intimate. The attraction is not just physical but also emotional and we are dating exclusively. That required a certain amount of trust from us both since neither one of us is interested in casual sex and had only known each for a short time.

“We are both committed right now to the relationship and both hopeful it will work in the long term. At this point, I can’t say that I love her with all my heart, but we are close and from what I have seen it is very promising.

“At first this intimacy was difficult for me as I was feeling guilty and unfaithful even though I understood I was no longer married. I had always expected I would only have one sexual partner in my life and appreciated that idea, which is rare in the world. I will always love my late wife, but I have also come to realize that this does not prevent me from loving someone new.”

“For me, it was a physical attraction, and emotional closeness and trust, and a desire to become intimate with a woman again that allowed me to take the leap.  “Thank you for all you do to help those of us who are finding love after 50!”

Tom’s comment: Wow, Champs – men and women—during World Series week, you knocked it out of the park by stepping to the plate and opening your personal vaults on this sex with or without a commitment issue.

I imagine the above 18 Champs’ words will trigger even more responses. Heck, there might eventually be enough information for a book. Maybe we could call it, “Sex with or without a commitment during World Series week!

Dating a still-married man

On life and love after 50 eNewsletter

October 14, 2022

By Columnist Tom Blake

Dating a still-married man, while enjoying the domestic side of life (bouncy/bouncy)

Let’s say you’re 60 or older and single again. You might be divorced or in the process of getting a divorce. Or perhaps you’re a widow, or a widower. You admit you are a bit lonely, so you’ve decided to put yourself out there into the dating world in hopes of meeting a compatible mate.

You are committed to getting off the couch and out of the house to focus on interacting with friends and meeting new friends. Perhaps you are considering online dating.

You don’t want marriage, just someone you’d enjoy being with. Someone who shares your values and interests. You’ve managed to have a few dates, but no one has clicked yet.

And then someone comes along who adds a little spark to your life. You think that perhaps a relationship could evolve. It’s hard because you find yourself comparing that new person to your ex and they don’t have all of the qualities that your former partner had.

Dating a still-married man

You’ve had some interesting conversations with the person, which have revealed a small red flag or two. Take, for example, Jane (not her true name, changed by request), who emailed, “Four months ago, I met Bill (not his true name either) online. He’s been separated for two years from his wife of 26 years.

“On our first date, the hours flew by. We had fun conversation and seemed to connect. Afterward, he emailed saying he had a great time, and our interests were similar.

“I wrote back expressing two concerns based on our discussion. One being that he is from Canada (his company transferred him to the USA) and his family lives 16 hours away by car. What would happen if he got homesick and wanted to move back there to live?

“And second, his marital status: I would be dating a still-married man, separated for two years. What is really going on there?”

These two issues trouble me a bit but he and I discussed them.

“He assured me that he’s here to stay, that his family is in full support of his being here and his divorce is pending because he owes his attorney money and that was all that was needed to get the ball rolling.” Hence, I’d be dating a still-married man.

While Jane mentioned that she intended to proceed slowly with Bill, she rationalized that she too was once in the same position: separated, heart ready to move on, but a legal system that can take a long time to finalize a divorce.

Jane added, “I have seen his divorce papers, so I know he’s working on the final stuff, and he was truthful with me. I gave him a chance because I had someone take a chance on me while waiting for my divorce to be final. So that concern has been eased a bit.

“We’ve had an awesome four months together. He helped me with remodeling my townhouse and he met my family. We spent a weekend away exploring galleries and hiking. We enjoy our downtime after work and making dinner together—enjoying the domestic side of life.

You bounce my heart around

“Then, suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under my feet. Now he’s telling me that his head says one thing but his heart another, that there is a wall up. Apparently, he was hurt as a teenager by a relationship and again when he arrived in the states. It’s taken him six months to get over his latest heartbreak. He thinks if people must work at a relationship, it’s not the real thing.”

Jane rationalized again, stating: “He is bewildered and confused by his feelings, due in part to a lack of senior dating experience. This guy hasn’t ‘found’ himself yet.

“I must let time take care of things. I like him, but only he can find himself. He feels bad that he hurt me. His being in my life has been a positive thing; I experienced how wonderful it is to have someone REALLY treat me like a woman, which I haven’t experienced in a very long time.”

I hear what Jane says, but Bill didn’t treat her like a woman for long. She feels he backed off because of “a lack of senior dating experience.” What the heck does that have to do with it?

Rather, her situation reminds me of the 2004 book “he’s just not that into you.”

Seniors who choose to date again need to trust their instincts and keep their expectations in check. I think Jane needs to get on with her life.

Remember the Bobby Vee hit song “Rubber Ball” that was popular 61 years ago in 1961? Jane fits that mold. Perhaps if he finds himself and bounces back into her life, she’ll avoid becoming a rubber ball by ensuring he is only true to one woman (she).

Here’s the second verse:

“I’m like a rubber ball.

“Baby that’s all I am to you (bouncy, bouncy) (bouncy, bouncy)

“Just a rubber ball

“Cause you think you can be true to two (bouncy, bouncy) (bouncy, bouncy)

“You bounce my heart around (you don’t even put her down)

“And like a rubber ball, I keep bouncing back to you.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=rubber+ball+song+1961&view=detail&mid=8D216B6F768D19ACD98B8D216B6F768D19ACD98B&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3drubber%2bball%2bsong%2b1961%26qs%3dUT%26pq%3drubber%2bball%2bsong%26sk%3dAS1MT1%26sc%3d10-16%26cvid%3d4FB1FE07EB77432F8FC2BB34149EE72A%26FORM%3dQBRE%26sp%3d3″

**Popular 2004 book, “he’s just not that into you”**

Widow wedding ring

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

by Columnist Tom Blake

September 23, 2022

Widow wedding ring dilemma

Dee has been a Champ for several years. She used to attend the Senior Singles Meet and Greet gatherings at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, which I owned for 25 years. The last time I saw Dee was a year ago in August at a book signing held at the deli. At that time, she told me, “Things are going well, a lot has changed, all positive. I got married two years ago to Ron.”

On July 31 this year, Dee emailed me an update, “I wonder if you remember my email from last year at some point where I talked about Ron’s and my relationship and how we had gotten married after he was in a terrible accident that killed his brother and caused so much damage to Ron’s body, caused brain trauma and hurt his spirit.

“Well, Ron passed away two days ago, on Friday, after spending a week in the ICU at Saddleback Memorial. He had this stubborn cough that would not let up. Turned out he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to his lungs.

“Now I am a widow from my ‘fifth and final’ husband. When he asked me to marry him in 2017, he said he wanted to be my ‘fifth and final.’ This deep grief is new territory for me. We were supposed to ‘grow old together, the best was yet to be.’”

“I am so sad. Thank you for being there.”

Dee’s news was a shock to me. Besides Dee, I’ve had three other women friends become widows in the last 12 months. I admire their strength in dealing with their respective losses. Each is dealing with her situation in her own unique way.

On September 13, Dee updated me, “I have been a widow for eight weeks and wonder ‘What’s going to happen in the future?’ For the first few weeks, I jealously guarded my wedding ring! I did not want to remove it even for a moment.

“As the weeks went by, I began to think about the ring. My husband Ron and I had two sets of matching rings plus I have a gold band as well. I started changing my rings to go with my mood or my outfit for the day. I still want to wear it. I will never forget him or cast off our marriage.

“But I am starting to think about the symbolization the ring stands for. It says, ‘I’m a married woman, but I realize I’m not anymore.’ I have no intention of dating. I recognize I have many months of contemplation and reflection ahead of me, and I just want some companionable friends and people to spend time with, nothing romantic.

“What do you think our Champs would say about wearing a wedding ring after one’s spouse has passed away? How does one decide when and if to remove the symbol of marriage? I was going to start by changing the placement, going from my ring finger on the left to the ring finger on the right…start there and see how it feels. To me, this sounds reasonable, but I almost feel disloyal. Wedding ring guilt.

“As far as the pictures go, his old room is now back to being an office and most of the pictures of him and of us are in there. I moved all but my favorite one from my room two weeks after he died because seeing his smiling face was wrenching.

“I like to see his picture before I turn the lights out. His 11” x 14” portrait picture that was taken after his accident-repair dental work is on the dining table, and I see it often, and I love it!

“When he was in the accident many of his front teeth were damaged, so he got them all fixed up and gained an even more amazing smile. The dentist sent him to a photographer for a portrait for their office (before and after). The photographer was kind enough to send me a larger portrait since I only had a 5×7.

“Ron’s life changed immensely once we met, dated, married. His daughter tells me his life unfolded five-fold and he was SO happy. Many people that knew him for years like co-workers and friends told me the same thing. Our relationship opened many new doors for him and I was happy and thrilled to bring these things like college and travel into his life.

“This created some challenges for us, we had different value systems that we had to learn to integrate, but we got there, and we became best friends who looked out for each other, loved up on each other, and made our tiny home a cozy little nest and had so many adventures together.

“When/if the time comes, I will put some of the pictures away if necessary. But for now, I think you can see that I’m very confused. What might Champs say?”

Close encounter with a future king

**2009 Casablanca Valley Wine country brochure**

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter

By Tom Blake columnist

September 16, 2022

Close encounter with a future king and queen consort

On March 1, 2009, Greta and I flew from Los Angeles to Santiago, Chile, to begin a three-week land tour of South America. Because we were unfamiliar with Santiago, we booked a tour guide named Mauricio Yanez Mora to pick us up at the Santiago Airport and transfer us to the Orly Boutique Hotel, where we would stay for three nights.

We also scheduled Mauricio to show us around the city on a half-day tour the following day.

Greta and I were so impressed with Mauricio that we hired him to drive us on a day trip to view the Casablanca Valley wine country and the port city of Valparaiso on March 3. Valparaiso is 75 miles from Santiago. (See the brochure from 2009 above).

Our first stop in the gorgeous Chilean countryside was at Emiliana, an organic winery, about an hour west of Santiago. The autumn leaves were starting to turn; the scenery was breathtaking.

There were only a few other visitors at the vineyard that morning. We walked 45 minutes around the grounds, seeing geese, roosters, hens, and other birds, which ate the bug pests, instead of the winery using pesticides. There were llamas around the vineyard. We were able to sample some wines in the wine shop.

When we returned to Mauricio’s car, he discovered his car battery was dead. The winery had no battery charging equipment. Mauricio borrowed a phone and summoned a truck from Valparaiso to fix the battery problem. We’d be on our way in a half hour or so.

And then, a bizarre event occurred that startled Greta, me, and Mauricio as well. Seven green and white police motorcycles came into the vineyard with lights flashing and flags flying, followed by two army trucks, also with lights flashing. The motorcycles and trucks turned in our direction. There were three sharpshooters standing in the back of each truck, holding high-powered rifles and machine guns.

The three of us looked at each other. Had we done something wrong? Were we going to jail? Would we be victims of a military coup? The trucks and motorcycles passed within 20 feet of us and in less than two minutes, they disappeared into the vineyards. They appeared to be looking for someone in hiding.

Mauricio asked the vineyard employees what was going on. We were relieved to hear that it was merely a security check by the police and military in advance of a visit to the winery by Prince Charles and Camilla from the U.K. who were visiting the vineyard on March 5. Apparently, Prince Charles’ hobby was organic farming.

Not to be political, but I didn’t care that Prince Charles and Camilla were visiting the winery because I wasn’t a big fan of Prince Charles at that time.

Before long we were on our way to Valparaiso, a bit relieved that we weren’t in handcuffs in the back of an army truck. And, Mauricio’s car had a new battery.

Fast forward to last week, September 8. The airwaves were filled with the news that Queen Elizabeth had died. Prince Charles became the new king, King Charles III, and Camilla became the Queen Consort.

Upon hearing the news, Greta and I looked at each other. I said, “Think about it, 13 years ago, we missed having a nearly private encounter with a future king and queen consort in an organic vineyard in Chile. Not many people can say that.”

We both smiled. In our travels, we’d come upon some firsts for us. Among them, almost seeing Prince Charles and Camilla at a Chilean Winery in 2009 and being at the ABBA Museum in 2013 in Stockholm on the museum’s opening day. Events like these are rewards of travel.

Now, Emiliana is the largest organic vineyard in the world. In 2021, more than one million cases of wine were sold.

If you are traveling to Santiago, Chile, and want an incredible tour guide, contact Mauricio. Read the below review about Mauricio. I am confident this is the same Mauricio who drove us around in 2009. If you book him, remind him of this story at the Emiliana Vineyard in 2009. He probably now has a spare battery in his trunk.

Link to Mauricio’s review

Senior Love on the back of a Harley

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 12, 2022

By Tom Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter August 12, 2022

By Columnist Tom Blake

There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part 1 – Senior Dating – Love on the back of a Harley

I received an email this week from a Champ that began, “Hi, it’s Patricia, Chapter 12,” which puzzled me for a few seconds, and then I noticed that Patricia had added the words “Love on the back of a Harley.” When I saw those words, I knew immediately who it was from.

In 2009, I published a book titled “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” The book’s title is slightly off. A more accurate title would have been: “How 58 Couples Found Love After 50.” Eight additional stories were added after the final artwork was submitted. So, there are 58 stories of how senior couples met.

When I answered Patricia’s email, I signed my email–not as Tom–but as “Chapter 58,” which is the final story of the book and tells of how Greta and I met when she ordered a fresh carrot juice at my deli 25 years ago. Several of our current Champs’ stories are included in that book, including Patricia’s and Cowboy’s, which is Chapter 12.

In her email, Patricia wrote, “I wanted to share a fun and unique experience that happened recently. “My husband, Cowboy, and I moved from Paso Robles, California, to Montana, last year, and we love it. We bought a much nicer house for $100,000 less than the one we sold in California. The cost of gas is at least a dollar less a gallon and there is no sales tax. When you buy new furniture and a washer & dryer, as we did, that makes a huge difference!

“The Paramount TV Series ‘Yellowstone,’ starring Kevin Costner, is filmed here, and my husband and I have been paid to be extras in the show. What an adventure that has been! “Many people beg to be extras, but they will only hire residents of Montana. I can’t tell you much about it as we had to sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) but I can tell you that it’s an amazing and very well-managed production.

“Season 5 will start airing mid-November, but they will be shooting through January. We may do more days as extras. “On another subject, we are fully enjoying going over the Rockies on the Harley and doing the ‘Run to the Sun. “We live just an hour from Glacier National Park, so we are taking advantage of the warm weather and exploring many parts of the park. I’ve included some photos that reveal the spectacular scenery.”

Comment from Tom: As sometimes happens with stories from Champs, coincidences emerge. Two happened with Patricia’s email. She mentioned Kevin Costner. The first coincidence: my partner Greta was in a business administration class at California State University Fullerton with him in 1974.

The second coincidence is Glacier National Park. In 1976, my buddy Jack Jarrell and I went camping there with our two women friends. He and I were avid fly fishermen. The general store manager in our campground mentioned a lake about an hour’s hike away at a higher elevation that was filled with hungry native rainbow and brook trout. The four of us went for it and hiked to the lake. The weather was as perfect that day as the pictures that Patricia included in her email reveal.

Each one of us caught our fish limits within an hour. It was the most incredible fly fishing I had ever experienced. We decided to take the fish back to the campsite to cook for dinner. Jack’s lady Jan said she had a special recipe for cooking wild-caught trout. We were licking our chops (what we did not know was there was a 4-legged hungry animal nearby which was also licking its chops).

As the four of us were walking back, about 200 yards from the lake, a park ranger on horseback with a high-powered rifle protruding from a saddlebag approached us. He said, “I see you have some fish.”

I guessed that perhaps he thought we didn’t have fishing licenses. I said, “We all have fishing licenses!” He said, “This is far more serious than that.” He had our attention. The Park Ranger said, “Did you see that pile of poop about 25 yards back?” We all nodded yes.

He said, “Was it steaming?” We all nodded yes. He said, “A grizzly bear just dropped that 10 to 15 minutes ago. He will smell your fish and be coming after you for them. He’d be happy to kill you to get them.” The Park Ranger was dead serious. He said, “Toss your fish in the bushes and follow me. I will lead you away from the bear.”

We complied. After a quarter mile, he said, “You’re safe now. I’m leaving. Have a nice day.” At the campsite that night, we cooked hamburgers over the fire. We imagined that our grizzly buddy was enjoying a fresh fish dinner near the lake. That’s the Glacier National Park coincidence. So, Champs, keep the stories coming. Have I told you about the shark encounter on The Great Barrier Reef? Only joking, of course.

Part 2 – How 50 (58) Couples Found Love After 50

I’ve got a few copies of How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 in inventory. For Champs who would enjoy a book, the cost is $8.98 which includes taxes, shipping, and a signed book. In 2009, that would have cost $24.00. You can pay with a credit card via my PayPal account or a check. Email me if you’d like a book at that special price. Each of the 58 stories concludes with a short “Senior Dating Lessons Learned” section, which provides helpful advice for singles who hope to meet a mate.

For example, in Champ Patricia’s Chapter 12 section, her lesson is: “When senior dating, open your mind to new adventures and activities. Expand your horizons, your reach, and your thinking.” When Patricia and Cowboy first met, Cowboy rode a Harley; Patricia was a fashion-industry expert. Diverse backgrounds. And yet, they met, married, and have an incredible relationship and love for each other. Ride along with them on their Harley.

**Tom’s book on sale -email me tompblake@gmail.com for details**

Dating a younger man

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 29, 2022

by columnist Tom Blake

Should she reveal her age before moving in with a much younger man?

Mark, one of my regular weekly eNewsletter readers wrote, “This is from today’s (July 24, 2022) NY Times digital edition, in the ‘Social Qs’ section:

“Just a Number

“I am a 76-year-old widow. For two years, I have been dating a man who is 12 years younger than I am. (I look 10 years younger than my age.) My boyfriend knows I’m older than he is, but he doesn’t know by how much. I have never lied to him, but I have refused to discuss the matter. We are now talking about living together. I know I should tell him my age before he moves in, but I’m afraid it will end our relationship. I’m plagued with stress about this. What should I do?

“GOOD GENES

“If your boyfriend really cared about your age, he would probably know it by now. Your refusal to tell him would not be the final word here. So, it’s possible you’re worried over nothing. It’s also possible that the age gap — and your insistence on keeping it secret — may spook him. (So far, I’ve been a big help, right?)

“The bigger issue, as I see it, is your stress level: Better to tell him and let the chips fall where they may than to worry constantly about something you can’t change. He’s going to find out eventually.”

Champ Althea emailed: “In my dating escapades of the past, I have met many ‘Johns’” (Althea is referring to the Where is John? eNewsletter title from three weeks ago).

“One guy I thought might stick as a good friendship or maybe more. In Feb. 2016, he lived in Nevada, a two-hour drive away.

“Over the 2-3 months we saw each other, he spent a few days with me twice and I spent a few days at his place once. There was no sex. Hugs and a few kisses. He had a female dog – Grace! and I have a dog. Even the dogs got along great.

“I forget what his wife had died from, but I know he had to take care of her for a while, and when he learned of my slowly debilitating arthritis, he called me one day and said this wasn’t going to work between us because he didn’t want to go through caring for a disabled woman again. (That’s what he said in a nutshell). C’est La Vie!

“I had a lunch date with a new man yesterday (July 21, 2022). He’s not a ‘John;’ His name is Jay, he’s 84 and is a widower living in El Dorado Hills, which is a 25-minute drive away. We met on OurTime. He had looked at my profile and I saw that he lived close by, so I contacted him on July 14. I asked if he would like to meet for coffee sometime to see what we might have in common to develop a friendship.

“He wrote back that he had a pet cow named Daisy Mae – that nailed it for me! Lol. He is in a car club that takes a lot of day trips, and like me, his mind hadn’t caught up to his age. He said we could meet for lunch one day and see what happens.

“We exchanged more emails with chit-chat about his cow. He said he lost his dog just a few weeks ago (turns out it was a German Shepherd and he’s had a few over the years, so he’s a dog lover as well.) My next step was to see if he was willing to be completely open and I asked for his full name and phone number. I gave him mine. I got his back quickly and looked him up in the White Pages. He’s for real, so then we made the plan for lunch.

“He showed up early, and so did I, but he was there first. A plus in my book. And he was very nice, made fun conversation with a hint of a sense of humor, and all went well. In the parking lot, he showed me one of his classic cars, a 1971 VW Bug…yellow with yellow leather interior! Very cute. We parted with both of us saying we’d like to do this again, and off we went.

“So, we’ll see. He’s 11 years older; I’m not used to the guy being older, but I figure with my arthritis limitations, being older than me is better at this stage, so I can keep up!

Any predictions?

I emailed back: “Predictions? Not at this stage, but so far so good. To have a new friend at this stage of both your lives is a huge plus. Keep it going. This doesn’t have to be teenage-type love, but the social interaction is beneficial as well. People who love animals likely have warm hearts. I don’t know of any guy who has a pet cow. What a plus. And what fun!

“Continue to be upbeat and appreciative toward him and keep it going.”

Althea responded: “My thinking is the same…an animal lover has a big heart and is a kind, warm person. He struck me that way right off. I’ve always loved cows…my father grew up on a farm and his family had cows, chickens, and a few horses that I got to see when I was young.

“I told Jay I’d love to see his cow sometime so let’s see if he follows up on that. A friendship with him would be a plus for sure. It was brutally hot yesterday, 97, when we went to lunch and going to hit 95 today with all next week in the same area of ’90s, so our next get together might not be for a while.”

Althea may have just coined a new senior dating pickup line. In the past, when a guy was trying to entice a woman to come to his house, he might have said, “Would you like to see my etchings?” Now, he might say, “Would you like to see my cow?”

In 2020, I published an ebook titled, “Senior Dating: Does Age Matter?” In the book, I discuss the pros and cons of dating someone younger and/or older (and considerably older or younger as well). The book’s content is still applicable today.

You can go to the Smashwords.com site and read 10 percent of the book for no cost. Smashwords has an online reading option where you don’t have to load the book onto your computer, you just click on “online reader.” Of course, you can download the book onto your reading device. If you purchase the ebook before this Sunday night (when Smashwords’ July sale ends), it’s $2.66. After that, it’s $3.55. Here’s the link:

**Chris, Tina, Tom, and Greta** – very sadly noted that our dear friend Chris passed away in July, 2022

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1015582