The importance of appreciation in relationships

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 1, 2019

by Thomas P Blake author and columnist

The importance of appreciation in relationships

Recently, a friend said to me, “It will be nice to be appreciated by someone rather than be taken for granted.”

He was referring to a romantic relationship that he had recently terminated. It was a difficult decision, one he pondered time and time again–because he cared about her—but each time he thought about it, he reached the same conclusion: he wasn’t being appreciated by her. He’s a good man with lots to give.

His comment struck a chord with me. I recalled that years ago, I had written a column titled, “Appreciation.” I didn’t recall when I specifically wrote that article, but remembered it was in the autumn of the year, a time when many people, who are in less-than-satisfying relationships, evaluate them. The holidays tend to do that to people.

In sorting through my column archives, I was amazed to locate the “Appreciation” article. I wrote it on November 16, 2000, based upon conversations with three people, who had independently commented to me about how appreciation can affect relationships, both positively and negatively.

Much of what I wrote is still applicable today. So, I’m going to quote a few of the observations from that 19-year-old article. The observations might help people who are feeling under-appreciated or unappreciated. Expressing appreciation is a pretty simple concept. Sometimes, however, we just need a little reminder of its power.

I wrote: “Life, day-in, and day-out, is trying on most of us. There are demands on our time. We’re so busy, we may not say ‘Thank You,’ to our mates often enough.

“Expressing appreciation to a mate, and actually, anyone, is a considerate, thoughtful and kind act. It shows respect and acknowledges to a partner that he or she is trying to put us first.

Appreciation and a smile work everywhere in the world. I asked these two Huatulco, Mexico, police officers to help me open a bottle of tequila. The officer in the raincoat whipped out a switch blade knife and pried off the top. I thanked him and his buddy profusely. My appreciation elicited this warm response from them. (photo courtesy of Tom)

“People like to be recognized. When they do something nice for a mate, or another person, regardless of how small or minor, it’s good to hear that what they did was appreciated. Appreciation goes a long way to strengthen relationships.

“When people are appreciated, they will keep looking for ways to please their mates; appreciation and recognition are positive taps on the shoulder.

“However, when people take their mates for granted, and don’t notice or appreciate the little things done for them, relationships can be adversely affected.

“A lack of appreciation from a mate might be a red flag that the mate doesn’t care enough about the relationship. That doesn’t mean the mate is a bad person, it could be as simple as the mate isn’t in love.”

The year 2000 article also stated, “When a mate doesn’t appreciate you, and that behavior repeats itself, you may say to yourself: ‘Screw it, I won’t take being treated that way anymore.’

“Lack of appreciation creates disappointment and disillusionment. When it happens too often to a person, he or she may slowly stop caring. The relationship suffers. It’s like decay in a tooth. Let it go along enough without remedial action, and you’ll lose it.

“Criticism of a mate and finding fault with him or her, is a form of anti-appreciation. It’s demeaning to the person being criticized. Perhaps the criticizing person wants out, but that’s a chicken way to handle it.

“I’ve written about new singles making a list of the qualities they require in a mate. High on their lists should be a partner who appreciates them. In return, they must do the same for the new partner.”

I ended that article from 19 years ago with these words: “One of the dangers in long-lasting relationships—marriage or otherwise–is that the appreciation for each other can start to wane. If that happens, watch out. Look at the divorce rate. Lack of appreciation is one of the factors.”

Such may have been the case with my friend who confided in me. In his case, the decision to move on, is, in my opinion, what’s best for him as well. Moving on is always hard, but when it’s best for you, you’ve got to do it.

Lesson learned from 19 years ago, and still applicable today: If you appreciate receiving appreciation, don’t overlook giving it. It’s a powerful love tool.

Why I’m not a matchmaker

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 25, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

Why I’m not a matchmaker and don’t fix up senior singles

I’m a newspaper columnist and an eNewsletter writer. My usual topic: people age 50-plus seeking love. For 26 years, I’ve written about hundreds of seniors who’ve found love, and thousands who haven’t.

Knowing I have contact with so many older singles, people ask why I am not a senior matchmaker and why I don’t fix singles up. There’s an easy reason: it’s too darn hard and seldom works. The effort usually isn’t appreciated.

It’s not that I haven’t tried; I’ve done it dozens of times. I’ve known widowers from San Clemente, California (for example), and widows from San Clemente and have suggested they get together. Some have, but in most cases, no match was made. And then, the people get mad at me for wasting their time, even though my time was free. It’s a no-win situation. In a nutshell, that’s why I’m not a matchmaker.

Granted, some couples have met at our Meet and Greet get-togethers at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, the Dana Point, California, restaurant I founded and owned for 25 years. But I didn’t fix those couples up. They did it themselves by getting off their couches and out of their homes and coming and socializing.

Technically, I did not introduce them. But, Carolyn and Alex Rentziperis met at our first Meet and Greet 3-4 years ago. And it led to a marriage. He’s been my barber for 25+ years. (Photo by Tom)

Many couples who met there are still together. But not all. Some of the relationships have lasted for a month or so, while others resulted in marriage.

Sponsoring events like that is challenging. Why? There are always more single women than men, especially as we age. Often, by five or six-to-one. I’ve watched women walk in the door, see a limited number of men, and turn around and walk out. Their loss. Sometimes men arrive late.

It takes time and effort to put those no-cost events on.

Last week, a Dana Point woman emailed: “Maybe you should have Meet and Greets more often so seniors have a place to go and socialize instead of staying home. I know you are busy so maybe you can have someone else take charge. Just a suggestion.”

She’s never attended one of our events; she has no clue what’s involved. My answer to her: “More often? It’s difficult enough having one per month, just trying to round up enough men to make it interesting. More often than that? No thanks.” She read that response and unsubscribed–must not have been what she wanted to hear.

Nearly every day, an email arrives in my inbox promoting new dating sites. This week, one arrived with the subject line: “An Easier Dating Site For Men Ages 50+.”

I usually ignore those emails, but, was curious so I clicked on it. It showed a picture of an attractive woman with this caption: “Local matchmaker has more older women & needs more men to match with female clients.”

I said to myself: “What’s new?”

The opening line read, “Meet Successful Dana Point Singles.” Turns out, it’s not an online dating site, but a matchmaking site, the kind where you pay a professional matchmaker to find dates for you.

The site stated, “Professional Matchmakers work with you to determine the exact type of man or woman that would be best for you, and then do their best to find that person and introduce you.”

“Do their best?” Wow, matchmakers are only as good as the people they have in their stables. Let me tell you, they are aware of the lack of men. I have had many of them contact me saying they were having an introductory cocktail party, and did I know of any men they could invite? No joke, it’s true.

It’s Just Lunch is a matchmaking service and on occasion has contacted me asking for the names of men. I decline, of course.

The ballpark cost for hiring a matchmaker? The article stated between $675 to $25,000. At those prices, maybe I should become a matchmaker. Or, at least a paid fixer-upper.

The site also stated: “Matchmaking is by its nature, a local endeavor. That means local offices staffed by warm, experienced, real people – not algorithms.”

Maybe the office is in Dana Point, or San Clemente, or San Juan Capistrano, the cities near me, but if so, I’m unaware of it. Avoid professional matchmakers. Read the online reviews; they are frightening. People feel ripped off.

So, I’ll remain a columnist, and your weekly eNewsletter provider, and leave the matchmaking to – well, the professional matchmakers, wherever and whomever they are.

Senior Online Dating – Plenty of Fish

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 18, 2019

Part One -Senior Online Dating – Plenty of Fish – The good and the ugly

by Columnist Tom Blake

The Good about Plenty of Fish

Champ Cheryl, “I just read the 10 responses to the Brooklyn widow who has given up on dating. I thought all the responses/suggestions were valuable, especially Ginny’s.

I’ve written you previously about the success that my partner, Matt, and I had with online dating and just wanted to comment briefly again. It continues to surprise me that so many seniors report being unsuccessful and/or intimidated, that is, afraid of online dating.

“It seemed the main thread running through the 10 comments was the idea that you have to ‘put yourself out there’ in order to be successful finding a partner, and that is certainly true of online dating.

“It’s also true that to be successful, one must be willing to be open and honest about oneself and what he or she wants in a relationship.

“I found when I approached online dating it was important for me to actively think/decide what qualities were important/crucial to me in looking for a partner.

“And during the process of exploring online dating, I also was able to ‘fine-tune’ what my essential needs were and what issues were not as important. That’s not to say that it’s ok to be really ‘picky’–that doesn’t work either.

“Is it important that his favorite color is red and mine is blue? Of course not. The structure of the online dating site is really important. Matt and I met on OK Cupid, where there were literally thousands of questions that could be answered, covering every imaginable subject with the ability to add comments to every answer.

“By the time Matt and I started communicating, he had answered over 400 questions and I had answered over 600, and both of us had added comments to nearly all our answers.

“We both were honest with our answers and willing to answer some questions that might be considered intimate or personal, especially about sex.

“With online dating one must be brave, open, and honest. If you are, online dating can work.

“Getting involved with local activities can work as well, I’m sure, but sometimes there are either limited opportunities (I was living in a rural area of Ohio; Matt was in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan—600 miles away) or maybe all the opportunities have been explored without success.

“Yes, there are scammers online, but one can be deceived by someone locally as well, and when you meet someone locally, you have no idea initially who he or she truly is, unless someone you know, knows them. There are risks meeting someone locally as well as with online dating.

“Again, I would encourage seniors to get involved with online dating but with a site that provides ample opportunities to get to know someone very well before meeting in person. And there is always the option of doing background checks, which I did a couple of times.

“Matt and I are a wonderful match and found love with each other, which neither of us would have found without online dating.

“I like the comment Champ Jim made last week: Sometimes you have to ‘make your own luck.’ Very true!”

Obviously, Cheryl and Matt put a great deal of effort into meeting each other online. And that’s what successful senior dating—online and otherwise–usually requires. A willingness to put forth an effort. It can take time, money, patience, and a bit of luck.

For some seniors, online dating may be the only option remaining to meet a potential mate. It can work. There are endless success stories, such as Cheryl’s and Matt’s.

However, there can be an ugly side to online dating. Here’s an example:

                                     An Ugly POF story

A Champ wrote: “I’ve been on POF for over 10 years. Here is my POF encounter, 10 days duration, Oct 4-14, in a chopped, quickie, writing format:

“UBER driver, 70, who lives nearby, was from a town near where I’m from back East.
favorite saying, “anyhowzers”
talked 100 mph non-stop, wound too tight
invited him to a dance
went to his friend’s party
went to pool 2 times
did “Taco Tuesday”
Went to a Halloween party, he brought his own bourbon and drank it ALL! (hic)
expected me do drive then; I could not as I had forgotten my glasses
danced at a nearby bar to 70s oldies
he played grab-ass with me on the dance floor!
Went to city to see art galleries,
he only put 24 minutes on meter to walk around, had to rush back to meter to put more $ in (duh)
Drove past galleries, straight to another bar, another beer.

I don’t drink anything except sparkling water at a bar
He ordered one snack plate and split it with me! (cheap, cheap, cheap)
Told me off on way home
End of POF encounter.”

Comments from Tom

Online dating isn’t for all seniors. Plus, there are potential downsides, as described above, to senior online dating: fake profiles, fake sites, romance scammers lurking, trying to take advantage of vulnerable, lonely, people and their emotions. And, there are endless other issues.

Before you sign up for any site, read what the one-star and two-star reviewers write. Even reviews can be bogus. Use only established regular dating sites such as OK Cupid, Our Time, Match, Eharmony, to name just a few. People use these sites for seeking friendship, a pen pal, or a long-term relationship.

Avoid what are known as “Hook up” sites. “Hook up sites” are pretty much for sex only,

                                        Other places to meet men

A suggestion from an animal lover: Get a dog. Besides the health benefits of exercise when walking your dog, you meet other neighborhood dog-lovers. Even better, get an unusual looking dog. That may bring other people over to talk to you. Take your dog to a dog park.

Champ Mark added, “About an hour after reading last week’s column, Donna and I had breakfast at the Strawberry Farms golf course in Irvine. Seated on the patio in front of the driving range, I couldn’t help but notice the ratio of men-to-women was about 25-1.”

Add golf driving ranges as places where more men than woman can be found.

Seniors don’t give up on finding love

 On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 11, 2019

Seniors don’t give up on finding love

by Tom P Blake

Comments from 5 Men and 5 women regarding last week’s article

Last week, we wrote about Michele, 67, from Brooklyn, a widow of 18 years, who has given up on Senior Dating. The responses from that eNewsletter were more diverse than any I can recall.

In an unusual turn of events, an equal number of men and women responded. Today, five men and five women comment. And notice the diverse geographical locations of our Champs.

Some comments were depressing, as other seniors besides Michele have given up as well. One Champ, Ginny, provided an extensive and helpful list of suggestions for how senior women might meet potential mates. Her suggestions are included at the end of the article.

Thanks Champs, for taking the time to write. Your comments keep the eNewsletter fresh. The 10 responses follow:

Ken, Alabama, “I’m 61. In lower AL. I have given up on Senior Dating. Haven’t gone out in five years. Been Widowed over 20 years. Early years, I thought I’d meet someone. Had my senior heart broken twice. They wanted me to accept their children. But, they wouldn’t accept mine.

“Now, just me. The few unmarried women I meet are not interested. Many I meet aren’t interested in dating either. Oh well.”

Thyrza, Los Angeles, “Is it possible that Michele is too old school in her approach to finding love after 50? With a wink, I say to Michele: ‘Show some skin.’ It won’t kill you.”

Ben, widower,  South Orange County, Calif., “It’s like anything else in life- you got to throw yourself and see what sticks that you are attracted to and what you want in a relationship. It will be hard to find someone; I was married for 24 years. There are good people out there; just do not give up.

“The dating sites are a real gamble and after some time–why bother?

“I am probably going to leave California in 2020 for TN or God knows where. Reasons: Cost-of-living, downright sincerity of people, people have even stated ‘You belong here. Please come back.’ Price of gasoline, greenery, sense of community and my niece & hubby will be moving there soon from CT. Taxes are not bad and no state income tax.

“Your Tutor and Spunky’s Deli September Meet and Greet meeting was nice and it would be my pleasure to go to the next one in October.

(Thursday, October 24, 5 to 7 p.m., Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point).

“No expectations on my part. I am ‘genuine,’ honest and forthright. I am always working on my listening skills and up front with ladies. How else can one be? Happy when I work on the roses and cactus at home, plus reading a good book or seeing a decent movie.

“Articulate, and smile (like Charlie Chaplin wrote in that great song).

“Emotionally, every day is a challenge- certain places I will not go in–too many good memories.”

Joanie, Southern California, “Another option for the Brooklyn woman: Move to Alaska! More men than women! On the other hand, finding Mr. Perfect can be wonderful, but it’s also compromising and limiting.

So, ladies, find exciting hobbies and things to do where you do not have to have a man. And yes, the older we get the less men there are…so why worry about it? Why strive for that ‘diamond in the coal mine?’ Find other interesting things in life. Find a place to nurture others – animals, kids, sick people, babies in hospitals. All highly rewarding!

JimEl Paso, Texas, “My younger sister did one of the things you suggested when she found herself divorced in her 50s. At a party at a friend’s house, she struck up a conversation with a gentleman she found attractive. She asked him out and they’ve been dating for the last few years.

“Sometimes you have to make your own luck.”

Sid, Florida, “This young pup (Michele) is slowly starting to become an older pup.”

Stella, Newport Beach, “The ratios can be depressing if you focus on that. Focus on this instead: It only takes one.”

SallySacramento, “I’ve enjoyed your articles, books, blogs and advice since 1998!

“I’m still single San Clemente Sally living in Sacramento! I cherish my friendships and love giving anyone a smile so they give it back to me.

“Nothing has stuck in 25 years of being a widow but I love my independence and hearing all the stories of everyone I love to meet.

Jon, Olympia, Washington, “I’m happy to be out of the dating scene but am frequently amazed at how many women complain about the lack of men.

“While I don’t have the numbers, it seems that if women were a bit less fussy and would stop complaining about the men they meet, they might be more successful at finding someone they were happy with.

“They need to abandon the romantic ideals of the high school years and get real with where we older people are now. Some honest conversations with the men in their lives would probably clear up many of their problems.”

                      Ginny’s valuable suggestions for meeting men

And finally, GinnyPhiladelphia suburbs, “I have several suggestions for increasing a woman’s chances for meeting single men besides the usual church etc.

“At our Senior Center, we have some attractive, active, single men who shoot pool. That’s where I met my ‘sweetie’ after we were both widowed. We are still going strong after six years of dating, at 78 and 85. I am on the Council there now.

“I wasn’t shy about knocking on the pool room door, the guys invited me in to watch. Men from other places sometimes come for tournaments (more chances)?  And while you’re there, keep your eyes open!

“I know someone who loves Pinochle. She found a card partner. They are both active, fun loving, widows in their eighties, and it turns out that they grew up on the same street. They are very happy together. In fact, much to our surprise, we met them on a cruise.

“Another suggestion, volunteer at a Veterans post, or be an aide to a vet for a day thru the “Honor Flight” program. They pay for trips for vets to DC to visit all the war memorials. From our area it is a bus trip, a send-off breakfast and a wonderful outpouring of flag-waving, local residents ‘welcoming them home’ and dinner and entertainment following.

“Another suggestion. I sometimes have gotten invitations to go to free retirement investment seminar lunches. At the one I attended at the local country club, the ratio of men to women was very favorable. Ladies, be bold, go alone.”

Tom’s comment: It’s not only investment seminars where a nice complimentary meal is included; it could be at new housing developments, senior care facilities, a cruise line’s or travel agent’s promotion function–any number of different situations where a comp meal is offered. I agree with Ginny. Get out and meet new people.

Ginny continues, “Class reunions. I have met some nice eligible classmates who have approached me; however, I am attached.

“And finally, educate yourself about online dating. My widowed, cautious brother, age 73, had done it for several years before finding ‘the one’ online a year ago.

“So, ladies, don’t get discouraged. Get out where the men are. Volunteer, even if you don’t meet ‘the one,’ you are doing something productive to give your life meaning and purpose. HAVE FUN, and in doing so, you will attract others.”

So, there you have it, lots of different points of view from lots of different Champs! Enjoy your weekend.

Oh, and to underscore the point about not knowing when and where men might appear out of the blue. My sister Pam, just returned from New Guinea. These guys emerged from the forest while she was there. Pam’s happily married so she wasn’t interested, but found them to be unique and friendly. Perhaps geographically not available as well.

 New Guinea Skeleton Men (Photo courtesy of Pam Peters)

Widow Happy in Brooklyn not dating

 On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – October 4, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

                                     Widow Happy in Brooklyn not dating

Champ Michele wrote, “I enjoy reading the On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter on dating, but I don’t participate much because I live in Brooklyn, NY. I have been widowed for 18 years (at age 49) and still miss my husband. I tried online dating but almost got scammed my first time. The few people that contacted me were beyond bizarre. I gave up on that.

“I have been to some dances, but the men seemed to ask the women to dance who were dressed very provocatively and that’s not me. I would leave the dances saying what is wrong with me. It was depressing. No one seems to know anyone. So, I gave up on that.

“Most single functions end up with the women far outnumbering the men. So, if a man, by some remote chance, asks you to dance, he acts like you should be so grateful that he chose you to ask over these other women. It’s like a meat market.

“I enjoy being with my friends and going on vacation. My attitude is, as my mom used to say, ‘If it’s meant to be it will be.’”

My answer to Michele

I’ve been writing about age 50-plus dating for 26 years, since 1994. My first few years’ articles focused on the challenges of dating later in life for both men and women. At that time, the ratio of single women to single men in their early 50s was approximately one-to-one.

As the years passed, that ratio slowly changed. More and more women contacted me, asking “Where are the men?” The single women to single men ratio drew closer to two-to-one for mid-60s people.

Men rarely wrote me. Either they had found somebody or became too inactive to participate in the dating game. Some men, me included, were still looking for a mate.

Some women said the ratio gap was even larger because many single senior men aren’t relationship material. I could see that finding a potential mate was becoming more difficult for women because fewer desirable men were available. But, good guys were and are still out there.

I remember the Dr. Ruth Westheimer response to a woman at an AARP convention who asked her, “Where are the men?” Dr. Ruth said, “The ratio is a fact of life. But, if you have a nice appearance and a positive attitude, and are willing to get out and socialize, you can effectively shrink that ratio.”

And then another phenomenon happened: A thing called the Internet emerged and online dating got its wake-up call. Women were drawn to it because they could reach out beyond their city and local boundaries to find men. A Brooklyn woman, such as Michele, could reach out to all the boroughs of New York City, which are nearby. Potential mates could meet without driving, by using the subways.


   My partner Greta walking the Brooklyn Bridge, from the Manhattan side

It didn’t take long for senior romance scammers to figure out that lots of women online were lonely and vulnerable, especially widows. The romance scammers saw a fertile environment in which to rip off women.

Granted, lots of couples were formed as a result of the Internet but senior romance scams also bloomed. We try to educate the women about the scams.

Now, we find ourselves in our 60s, 70s, 80s and even 90s. That ratio has reached almost four-to-one by age 75. Women, such as Michele, share their stories of the lack of men at singles functions. Greta and I see it at our monthly Meet and Greet gatherings in Dana Point.

Saturday night, Greta and I were at the Greek Festival in nearby San Juan Capistrano. One of our woman Champs saw us and introduced herself. She even made the comment about the lack of single men at singles events. I found myself trying to explain the shortage of men to her, as I am to Michele today.

So, what can I say to Michele, who is “Happy in Brooklyn” spending time with her friends and traveling. She has given up on internet dating, singles dances, and singles functions. She is accepting her mom’s advice: “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

Michele, I say, don’t give up on Senior Romance, keep your eyes open for opportunities to meet a potential mate.

Be assertive, not aggressive. By that I mean if you see a man when you are out and about, and he appeals to you (age close to yours, no wedding ring, no soup on his shirt, combed hair, no odor, no spinach in his teeth), make a friendly comment, such as: “Nice jacket, nice car, nice dog, what’s the dog’s name? Where do you buy your spinach?”

Or, if you see him in the food mart, say: “Is this a good wine?” or, “Is this watermelon ripe?”

In the Post office, “Boy, these lines are long?”

On a cruise ship: “Where’s the dining room?”

At the California DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles): “How many hours have you been here?”

Anything spontaneous. He may be hoping to meet someone but he’s shy. Be ready to pop the question: “Want to have coffee?” Be ready to pay for the coffee (his and yours). If he’s worth his salt, he’ll offer at the least to go Dutch. Better yet, he’ll offer to pay the tab. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, at least smile and/or even wink. Have a positive attitude.

That’s where we are now, 26 years later.

I hope Michele doesn’t give up on Internet dating but if she does, I understand. Traveling by subway to meet blind dates would be scary now. But local New Yorkers could travel by subway to Brooklyn to see her. As I recall Brooklyn Heights has some nice cafes

There are so many Internet dating sites online I can’t believe it. Everyday, there is a new advertisement in my email inbox. I can’t imagine the ratios are any better on those sites when compared to singles functions.

Continue to get out and enjoy life and your women friends as best you can. But above all, don’t give up on Senior Romance. You are still a young pup and deserve happiness.

History of Country Music September 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter September 27, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

   History of Country Music September 2019

When I first met Greta, one thing we did not have in common was a love of country music. I got hooked on it initially after seeing a Johnny Cash concert at Madison Square Garden in 1969. And, when Western Swing and Outlaw Country arrived in the early 1970s with the likes of Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson, I became a country music fan.

Greta, on the other hand, was busy raising four children as a single mom, teaching full time and attending graduate school at night. She didn’t have time or an interest in acquiring a taste for country music, although she admits to watching some of the country shows on TV, such as The Johnny Cash Show.

After 21 years together, my affection for country music has rubbed off on her. Slowly, Greta’s accepted most of it, just not the twangy, honky-tonk sound. Her meeting Rosanne Cash in person piqued her interest in the genre.


Greta, Rosanne and Tom – 2018

For my birthday one year, she got us tickets for a Kris Kristofferson solo performance in Los Angeles. I’ve dragged her to about six Alan Jackson concerts, a man I refer to as “The Dude.”

And I was quite surprised when she agreed to spend the night of October 20, 2015, at the San Manuel Casino so we could catch Merle Haggard and Kris Kristofferson in concert together there.

Kristofferson had written “Sunday Morning Coming Down,” one of my favorite songs; I will explain why a bit later. That night, he and Haggard performed it together. I captured this photo from the video I took of them while playing that song:


Merle Haggard and Kris Kristofferson performing “Sunday Morning Coming Down” Oct. 20, 2015, at the San Manuel Casino

Greta is a supporter of PBS. So, when she read in her PBS mail that Ken Burns, was directing an eight-episode, 16-hour documentary titled “Country Music,” this September, she wanted us to watch it together. One episode at a time.

Burns has directed many highly regarded documentaries including, “The Vietnam War,” “Jackie Robinson,” “The Dust Bowl,” “The Civil War,” and “The National Parks.”  We knew “Country Music” was going to be entertaining and informative because Burns is so thorough and professional.

In “Country Music,” Greta and I have been blown away with what Ken Burns has created. The music, the old black and white footage, the interviews, have all been spectacular. We’ve both learned a great deal about the history of country music and of our country.

Of course, in the series, we are reminded why Nashville is called “Music City USA,” home of the original Grand Ole Opry in the Ryman Auditorium, with footage of numerous performances there. Three years ago, we spent a week in Nashville and Memphis with my brother and his wife, including a visit to the Ryman, and a Saturday night show at the new Grand Ole Opry, on the outskirts of Nashville.

Series one in Burns’ documentary is called “The Rub.” It features the history of the banjo and fiddle and talked about the importance of the introduction of the radio in the 1920s.

Each series advances time wise across history. Burns uses musicians—not scholars or record-company executives—as spokespeople explaining the history of country music.

Actor Peter Coyote is the show’s main narrator. However, musicians who also share their thoughts are Marty Stuart, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn, Bill Anderson, Rosanne Cash, Willie Nelson, Larry Gatlin, Dolly Pardon, Charley Pride, Tom T. Hall, and Wynton Marsalis, to name a few.

For me, this PBS series hits home. In 1975, as the marketing director for Victoria Station, the railroad-themed, restaurant chain, I hired a boutique advertising agency in San Francisco called Pritikin and Gibbons, the last names of the agency’s two founders, Bob Pritikin and Jerry Gibbons.  They had done creative ads for “Marine World Africa USA” and Chevrolet (“The Chevy Man Can.”)

I remember distinctly the day Victoria Station’s top executives were summoned to the P and G office, located in a converted mansion on Sacramento Street for a “Creative Unveiling” presentation and luncheon. They wheeled out a reel-to-reel tape player and said, “On this tape, you will recognize the voice of the person we recommend hiring as your company spokesperson to sing your radio commercials; it will be a challenge to sign him.”

They played Johnny Cash. I about fell over. It was six years after hearing him perform at Madison Square Garden. As we left the building, Victoria Station president Dick Bradley said to me, “Make it happen, as soon as possible.” (In other words, get Johnny Cash hired).

That began a two-year association with The Man in Black and June Carter Cash and the Carter family.


Rosey Nix in car, June, John Jr., Johnny and Tom at the Miami Victoria Station parking lot the morning after first meeting them in 1975

As Greta and I have watched these “Country Music” episodes, so often featuring Johnny, his daughter Rosanne, June and the Carter family, I pinch myself and say, “Did this really happen to me?” “Did I become friends with Johnny and June?” “Did I co-produce a record album with Johnny?” “Did I actually go inside the walls of San Quentin Prison with Johnny and his band?” The answer to each: Yes, although it seems like a dream.

A few months after Johnny became the Victoria Station spokesperson, he and June invited several VS executives to be their guests at a dual-concert event at the Sahara Tahoe Resort and Casino in Lake Tahoe. Between concerts, 17 of us went back stage so I could introduce them to John and June.

Johnny said to me privately, “What’s your favorite song of mine?”

I said, “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” In the second show, he said, in front of a large audience, “Hello Tom Blake, this song is for you.” And he played it.

June Carter Cash with Tom in 1975 At the Sahara Tahoe Resort Hotel at Lake Tahoe when the Cashes hosted Victoria Station executives at a brunch the morning after the concerts we all attended. 

One day, Johnny asked me if Victoria Station would sponsor an album of train songs. We agreed. So, on August 15, 1975, I returned to Hendersonville, Tennessee, to the House of Cash recording studio, where we had recorded the radio commercials with him, to work with him on what songs would go on the album. It was my job to select the songs. He wrote the title song, “Destination Victoria Station.”

                    

The album, Destination Victoria Station, still in its original clear cellophane wrapper, that Tom co-produced with Johnny (Trust me, Johnny did all of the work). 50,000 albums were pressed.

Johnny had just published his book, “Man In Black.” After the recording session, I asked him to sign copies of his book for a few of the Victoria Station people.

Johnny signed his Man In Black 1975 book to me on August 15, 1975, at this recording studio

After the Johnny Cash/Victoria Station association ended, I kept in touch with him.


  Tom, Johnny and Tom’s sister Pam, in San Diego at Humphrey’s by the Bay in the late 1980s

I feel the most noted biography in the entire series of eight is that of Johnny (OK, a bit biased here). The observations of Rosanne about her dad are precious. In the final episode , Rosanne sings a memorial at the Ryman Auditorium to her dad called, “I Still Miss Someone,” which I heard Johnny sing in person a dozen times. It could bring a tear to your eye.

Burns must have been preparing this documentary for years. He was able to include Merle Haggard as a spokesperson prior to Haggard’s April 6, 2016, passing. Haggard, was a huge contributor to the “The Bakersfield (California) Sound,” an offshoot from the music of Nashville. He and Buck Owens were the two most successful “Bakersfield Sound” musicians.

In episode six of “Country Music,” Kristofferson talked about writing “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” It sure brought back memories for me.

Seniors often ask for suggestions on what they can do for inexpensive entertainment. One idea is to have a “Country Music” party on eight different nights, and, invite friends to come watch this fascinating series on home TV. The sessions are archived on PBS. The shows can also be streamed online.

If you decide to watch “Country Music,” be forewarned if you aren’t a country music fan. You’re probably going to become one.

Link to PBS https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/country-music

Update to above posted October 3, 2019

Country Music Final Comments

 The Ken Burns “Country Music” 8-part series on PBS, and, the responses from Champs affected me in many ways I did not anticipate. Here are two examples:

1 The John Denver lookalike comments

Champ Mary Lou emailed, “Oh my gosh Tom you outdid yourself with last week’s “Country Music” eNewsletter. Also, you looked so much like John Denver in your younger days. It’s uncanny in the photo with you in those (ahem) plaid bell bottom pants.

“I loved John Denver from the minute I heard his voice on the radio, and was so very, very sad when he died. Not the true country performer, I suppose, but such a beautiful soul.”

Reply to Mary Lou: Yes, I did resemble John Denver in the 1970s. Many people would tell me that when I first met them.

tom and jrc abook cover photo

 Tom and Johnny Cash 1975 at Victoria Station Newport Beach California

I think it was mainly due to my eyeglass frames being similar to the ones he wore. And I did meet him, which I suppose, is worth a paragraph or two.

After Bob Freeman (Victoria Station co-founder with Dick Bradley and Peter Lee) and I attended the San Quentin Prison concert with Johnny Cash, outside in the prison’s parking lot, Johnny’s agent, Marty Klein, invited Freeman and me to go to Folsom Prison for an afternoon concert that same day. Both Bob and I had plans and couldn’t go, it was a two-hour drive. (Not going to Folsom, by the way, was one of the biggest regrets of my life).

And then Klein invited us to attend a television-special taping (not a live show) the next day at the NBC studios in Burbank (Los Angeles). Johnny was appearing with Glen Campbell, Roger Miller, Mary Kay Place and host John Denver. I told Klein I’d be there.

Susan, my girlfriend at the time, and I flew to Burbank, rented a car, and drove to the studios. We had to pass through a security gate in the car. The guard looked at me and said, “Pass right on through Mr. Denver.” Susan teased me big time about that.

In the waiting room, we mingled with about 200 other members of the audience. Two people, thinking I was John Denver,  asked for my autograph. Susan insisted I sign them, which I did: “Bill Denver, John’s brother.”

At the six-hour taping, Susan and I sat with Rosanne Cash in the front row. Afterwards, Rosanne took us to her dad’s dressing room. Johnny was highly respected by his piers; the other entertainers stopped in to visit him.

Denver brought his parents to meet Johnny. Klein introduced us to Denver, saying I was his lookalike.

Denver extended his hand saying, “Far out.” Then, he stepped back a couple of feet, stared at me, and repeated, “Far out.” Then, he stood six inches from my face and said it a third time.

I was composed enough to tell him I’d like to be his stand-in for the upcoming movie Oh, God! that he was in with George Burns. He said he thought the role had been filled but he’d call me if it wasn’t too late. He never called. There went my film career.

Denver died October 12, 1997, in a private plane he was piloting in Monterrey Bay, south of San Francisco. As Mary Ann stated above, it was very, very sad. I hadn’t met Greta yet. After we were together for a short time, I related the above story to her. She had seen Denver, waiting for his luggage at a baggage carousel, in Honolulu. She was equally saddened when he died.

2 The history of Country Music

Greta and I watched episode 8, the final episode of the Ken Burns “Country Music” series, Saturday night. When the credits appeared, the last song of the entire series began. Again, I was amazed at the coincidence for me.

Just six eNewsletters ago, August 23, I wrote about the Irish singer in a pub we visited in Waterford, Ireland, who sang a song and asked if anyone in the bar could identify the song and who sang it. I blurted out, “Wildwood Flower” by the Carter Family. I hadn’t heard that song in 25 years.

The singer asked later how I knew that. I explained to him that I heard Mother Maybelle Carter sing it several times in person.

So, you bet, the Ken Burns “Country Music” series struck a chord with me. It made me realize how blessed I’ve been in my life.

Part 2 – The Sound of My Voice

I don’t want to confuse the above Ken Burns documentary music message with another documentary music message. But, on Wednesday afternoon, Greta and I went to the movie about Linda Ronstadt’s life and career, titled “The Sound of My Voice.”

Oh my gosh, an incredible movie. I had no idea she was so talented and versatile. She can’t perform now, as she has Parkinson’s Disease. But this movie is highly recommended. The music is lights out. Do you remember the song, “Different Drum,” when she was a member of the Stone Ponies? I sure do.

Why can’t senior men be just friends without wanting senior sex?

September 20, 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – September 20 2019

Tom Blake 26 years of writing columns

Senior sex and intimacy

Why can’t senior men be just friends without wanting senior sex?

Champ Althea emailed, “Why can’t senior men be just friends without wanting senior sex with a lady? I’m having a problem with that. It has happened to me more than three times recently at age 70.

“It also happened when I first started dating in my 50s. I was divorced at 51.

“I meet a man and he’s nice, we get along, share humor and activities we like. But I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to him, but I like his company and would like to be friends and do things together.

“I tell him this and he says okay, but he will continually try and pursue a romantic relationship even after I’ve explained my feelings.”

Althea said she met a man who lives in the same small city on Craigslist over a year ago. She found out after four dates that his wife had passed away only two months before. She told him that he was still grieving and should hold off on dating. She said he was even thinking of romance that soon after losing his wife.

She told him she enjoyed his company, but she was not physically attracted to him. They stopped dating.

Althea continued, “He stayed in touch with me, texting every now and then and wanting to know if I’d see him again. It took me until this summer for me to say okay.

“But then, off he went! On the same train of thought. Again, I explained that I liked him, really liked his company and would like to do things together, but that I was not attracted to him romantically or sexually.

“He still brought up romance, would hug me, touch me… try to get me to change my mind. He even stole a kiss when I only bent in to hug him goodbye. He then said, ‘Aha, I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time!’

“My girlfriend told me that was rude and disrespectful of him and that he didn’t understand boundaries. Yeah, I was shocked. And he’s not the first to act like this!

“So, tell me, is it only when a man doesn’t find a woman attractive that he can and will be friends with her? What I’ve heard is, a man won’t spend time with a woman he feels is unattractive or isn’t attracted to. Huh???

“What is your take on this? Why can’t a man, who is lonely, has no one to go out with and do things with, be content to spend times as friends with a woman he likes and enjoy her company without it having to go romantic or sexual?

“I am interested in what other women, and men, might say on this subject because it really bugs me on the whys and how comes.”

Tom’s response: Over the years, I’ve written on this topic or a variation of it from time to time, and, posted 15 of those newsletters on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website under the category, Senior Sex and Intimacy. At the conclusion of today’s article, I describe how to access those 15 website articles.

I copied four quotes from one of those articles—two quotes from men and two from women.

Man #1 said, “I’m always amused at the ‘surprise’ women report when the men they date want sex. Here’s a bulletin for females in that category: Men date to get sex! That’s not all that bad, because for lots of guys like me, that’s the minimum relationship requirement.”

Man #2, Mason, stated, “Women need to realize that when men leave after having sex, it isn’t because of the sex. They would have left anyway. Any man that has true attraction for a woman will stay. Sex is not the issue, it’s simply that he determined she’s not the right woman.”

Kathy said, “Women get short-sighted and connect sex with love. Men don’t associate sex with love like we do!”

Sandi, “Men are hard-wired so differently from women. I think by now we know sex is uppermost in men’s thinking process.”

I’ll take a stab at an answer. And, perhaps Champs will share their thoughts.

Most of the men I know enjoy physical contact with women. They are, as Sandi stated above, “hard-wired” that way. If a man is attracted to a woman, in addition to doing things together–movies, plays, travel, camping, dinner, walking, for example—chances are he wants the physical contact as well.

I am not talking about casual sex just to have sex with women. I’m talking about having physical contact with the woman he’s dating and cares about. To me, that seems natural.

If a man is interested in a relationship with a woman, he’ll wait until she’s ready to have sex. Of course, at some point he may decide the situation is never going to change–as in Althea’s case above–and he’ll move on to be with a woman who is physically attracted to him.

And, I have a question for Althea: Were there any men you were attracted to? Maybe the problem is you are “Looking for love in all the wrong places,” as singer Johnny Lee sang in his song, Looking For Love, featured in the soundtrack from the 1970 movie Urban Cowboy. (See link to that song at the end of the article, featuring John Travolta (Bud) and Debra Winger (Sissy).


                      Looking for love in all the wrong places

Also, for Althea, that man who pursued you likely kept trying because he was attracted to you. He hoped you’d change your feelings toward him. He felt you were worth waiting for.

And as far as him stealing that kiss. Really now, is that rude and disrespectful, as your girlfriend says? Take it as a compliment. At least the guy had some cojones, and a little fire in his belly. And at age 71, he’s still got a little testosterone working.

For me, I wouldn’t be in a relationship without my woman being willing to share hugs and affection. That was one of the things Greta and I had in common when we first met—and it’s still there after 21 years.

I understand Althea’s frustration. And one item she mentioned I agree with: I don’t understand why a man who is lonely, and has no one, isn’t willing to have a friend without benefits. It seems that would be better than not having a friend at all.

                               END OF COLUMN

To access those 15 articles on www.FindingLoveAfter50.com.

Go to the home page. Under my photo near the top is a green horizontal tab running across the page. To the right on that tab, you may see the categories appear near the top. Scroll down to the Senior Sex and Intimacy category. Click on that and it will pull up those 15 articles.

If that doesn’t do the trick, go to the eNewsletters listing in the green tab. Hover your mouse over that, which should pull up the categories. Scroll down to the Senior Sex and Intimacy category.

Looking for Love Urban Cowboy link:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=looking+for+love+johnny+lee&form=PRUSEN&mkt=en-us&httpsmsn=1&refig=7c68e70a844d4077a8a157ac8a5cbfd2&sp=1&ghc=1&qs=AS&pq=looking+for+love+jo&sk=PRES1&sc=8-19&cvid=7c68e70a844d4077a8a157ac8a5cbfd2

When the unanticipated happens when traveling roll with the flow

When the unanticipated happens when traveling roll with the flow

by Columnist Tom Blake

On September 8, 2019, Greta and had just completed a 30-day trip in Europe. We were boarded our flight to Los Angeles Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, and boarded a plane to come home. After flying for an hour, a “traveling roll with the flow” event happened.

Greta and I had sweaty palms for awhile. OK, I admit, that statement is a bit dramatic, but there’s truth in it, which I will explain.

In 20 years of traveling together, we understand there will be travel-related situations that arise that aren’t pleasant, or, weren’t planned or anticipated.

They accompany the travel game. They won’t appear on your itinerary. They come unexpectedly.

And the way you deal with those situations? “Roll with the flow.”

This happened last Saturday. Greta and I were scheduled to fly home to Dana Point, California, at the end of our 30-day holiday to Ireland, Greenland and Iceland.

We disembarked our cruise ship in Amsterdam at 8:45 a.m. We waited at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport to catch a 4:30 p.m. flight to Paris’ Charles de Gualle Airport, where we were connecting to a nonstop Air France flight to LAX.

The connection time was tight. We barely made our 6:50 p.m. departure and were happy to be buckled into our seats on Air France. We were going home, and it felt good.

An hour out of Paris, above Northern England, the pilot announced over the PA, “We have a mechanical issue. The anti-collision radar has stopped working. We can’t see other airplanes. We cannot fly over the Atlantic Ocean without it. We are turning back to Paris. It should be a quick-fix.”

I looked at Greta, saying, “There is nothing we can do except Roll with the flow.”

I didn’t mention to her that I was concerned about flying into such a busy airport (10th busiest in the world, 481,000 aircraft movements in 2018) through clouds, the ground not in site, with no anti-collision radar. I simply crossed my fingers while listening to The Beach Boys sing, on the plane’s in-flight entertainment system. I could sense in looking at other passengers that some were concerned.

I watched the screen in front of me as it showed the U-turn and the airplane progressing back:


  Eyes glued to the screen at my seat

On final approach, still listening to the Beach Boys, their song, “Don’t Worry Baby,” started playing, which I thought was almost humorous.

The plane landed. Some passengers applauded. We were safe. Nothing else mattered. A few hours inconvenienced but so what? Roll with the flow.

Passengers were told to take all carry-on items off the plane. And to go to the ticket counter. But we were not told which counter or how to get there (Air France has about 100 counter windows there).  Some 300+ passengers were wandering around trying to find the place where we were to congregate. It was 10 p.m.

We were not told anything except to get in line at the counter. An hour later, Greta and I got to the counter. We were told, “The flight is cancelled. It will go tomorrow, hopefully.”

We were given a box lunch and a voucher for an airport hotel that took us over an hour to get to—there was no transportation available at that late hour other than an inside-the-airport-connecting train that we couldn’t find. The Air France lady had tried to explain to us in French how to get there.

We were walking through dark parking lots and potentially dangerous areas. I thought, yikes, this is possibly more dangerous than the flight that turned back.

A few minutes before midnight, we arrived at the hotel. I got in line at the hotel reception desk and told Greta to go to the bar and order us glasses of wine, before the bar closed. It had been 15+ hours since we had departed our ship to go home.

The wine was decent; the box lunch filled with carbohydrate and sugar snacks. Not edible.


                                   Blue Lunch Box


     Carbs and Sugar

But, we had a roof over our heads and we were safe: Roll with the flow

The next morning, an email arrived early from Air France: “Check in is at 9 a.m. Flight departs 11:30 a.m. We cannot locate your checked luggage. It didn’t make the connection from Amsterdam. Rest assured, we are searching for it.” Roll with the flow.

We had to retrace our steps to the airport check-in for our boarding passes and go through tight security again. When we finally got to the gate, Air France had changed it to the opposite end of terminal three. Oh well, what’s another 300 yards? Roll with the flow.

We departed at 11:50 a.m. and arrived safely at LAX, about 20 hours after originally scheduled. Amazingly enough, the “lost” checked luggage was on the flight with us after all.

I won’t even get into the traffic mess at LAX these days. It was horrendous. Trying to find your Lyft or Uber driver is zoo-mania.

In travel one needs to Roll with the flow.

Overcoming Senior Depression

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 13, 2019

by Tom P Blake

As I’ve written many times, emails from Champs provide the fresh information that makes weekly publishing of this eNewsletter possible.

Today, an email from Champ John is featured in Part One – Overcoming Senior Depression

Part 2 wasn’t planned. I mentioned in last week’s column that it was the final article about the trip to Ireland, Iceland, Greenland and Scotland. But something came up that I thought you might find interesting about traveling—I call it “Roll with the flow.”

And Part 3 mentions in about 42 words the date and time of the next Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point.

Here we go:

                      Part One – Overcoming Senior Depression

I appreciate emails like the one Champ John sent this week.

He wrote, “I wanted to let you know that your book, ‘How 50 Couples Found Love After 50,’ has motivated me to ‘break out’ of depression.”

John’s comment pleased me. When I published that book, my goal was to provide information and hope to singles, based on the stories of 58 couples. (I know the title says 50 couples, but there are, in fact, 58 couples featured).

So, what the book did for John is what I had hoped would happen to people who read it – give information to help them improve their lives.

John explained he was depressed by a combination of three things: A divorce after 19 years of marriage, major back surgery, and a ‘workaholic’ lifestyle (he was still working 40-60 hours per week at 72).

He said that after reading the book, he started to get out and about and socialize.

John said: “I signed-up for a two-day bus trip to the Utah Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City, UT, which was organized by my local, public radio station, KNPR. Twelve fellow playgoers (whom I had not met) and I saw four wonderful plays, walked the town, ate, drank and conversed: I had a wonderful experience! On the return trip, we exchanged contact information with one another for the purpose of sharing pictures and planning future activities.

“One unexpected benefit of the trip was experiencing joint and muscle aches, after prolonged walking and step-climbing, and shortness of breath from lack of daily exercise. How can something that is painful be a benefit? My body was telling me to regularly exercise and to control my diet, to avoid disability.

“My heart told me that emotionally walling-off myself from others was not in my best interest; that the mutual and heartfelt exchange of human affection is the real stuff of life.

“I know that I now am on the comeback trail to Life and Living. Thank you for your inspirational writing.”

The three factors that were depressing John, which I comment on below, affect many seniors today.

1 Depression after the loss of a spouse or partner. John is of the age where many people lose a loving partner–through divorce, accident or death. It can be mentally crippling, causing people to shut themselves off from the outside world. Lately, there has been much in the news about the debilitating effects of loneliness on senior’s health. John now understands that daily social interaction with people is essential.

2 Importance of exercise and eating right. On the trip John took, his body sent him an important message: “Keep me moving. Get me in shape.” It’s one of the most important things seniors can do to remain healthy. And, John also realized on the trip that eating the right foods is a must.

3 A workaholic at 72. Some people keep working after 70 because the income is needed. But, as we age, we must take time to stop and smell the roses. Working at that age can be stressful. It can lead to an early unnecessary demise. We need to ask ourselves, “Do I really need to be working this hard at my age?” and “Shouldn’t I get out and have fun while I’m still able?”

I am pleased that How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 helped John break out of depression. But it was his effort to get out and mingle with new people that did the trick.

The book is available in hard cover and as an E-book, on Amazon.com and FindingLoveAfter50.com. Or, for a special Champ reduced price on the hard-cover version—and a signed, personalized copy–email me at tompblake@gmail.com with questions. I will ship to your friends as a gift and endorse it to them if you request that.

     There are actually 58 couples included  

                               Part 2 – Roll with the flow travel event

When I mentioned that last week’s article would be the final one about the Ireland-Iceland-Greenland and Scotland trip Greta and I just took, that statement was before our trip home. Then, a Roll with the flow travel event happened.

Greta and I feel lucky to be alive. OK, I admit, that statement is a bit dramatic, but there’s truth in it, which I will explain.

In 20 years of traveling together, we understand there will be travel-related situations that arise that aren’t pleasant, or, weren’t planned or anticipated.

They accompany the travel game. They won’t appear on your itinerary. They come unexpectedly.

And the way you deal with those situations? “Roll with the flow.”

This happened last Saturday. Greta and I were scheduled to fly home to Dana Point, California, at the end of our 30-day holiday to Ireland, Greenland, Iceland and Scotland.

We disembarked the ship at 8:45 a.m. We waited at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport to catch a 4:30 p.m. flight to Paris’ Charles de Gualle Airport, where we were connecting to a nonstop Air France flight to LAX.

The connection time was tight. We barely made our 6:50 p.m. departure and were happy to be buckled into our seats on Air France. We were going home, and it felt good.

An hour out of Paris, above Northern England, the pilot announced over the PA, “We have a mechanical issue. The anti-collision radar has stopped working. We can’t see other airplanes. We cannot fly over the Atlantic Ocean without it. We are turning back to Paris. It should be a quick-fix.”

I looked at Greta, saying, “There is nothing we can do except Roll with the flow.”

I didn’t mention to her that I was concerned about flying into such a busy airport (10th busiest in the world, 481,000 aircraft movements in 2018) through clouds, the ground not in site, with no anti-collision radar. I simply crossed my fingers while listening to The Beach Boys sing, on the plane’s in-flight entertainment system. I could sense in looking at other passengers that some were concerned.

I watched the screen in front of me as it showed the U-turn and the airplane progressing back:


  Eyes glued to the screen at my seat

On final approach, still listening to the Beach Boys, their song, “Don’t Worry Baby,” started playing, which I thought was almost humorous.

The plane landed. Some passengers applauded. We were safe. Nothing else mattered. A few hours inconvenienced but so what? Roll with the flow.

Passengers were told to take all carry-on items off the plane. And to go to the ticket counter. But we were not told which counter or how to get there (Air France has about 100 counter windows there).  Some 300+ passengers were wandering around trying to find the place we were to congregate. It was 10 p.m.

We were not told anything except to get in line at the counter. An hour later, Greta and I got to the counter. We were told, “The flight is cancelled. It will go tomorrow, hopefully.”

We were given a box lunch and a voucher for an airport hotel that took us over an hour to get to—there was no transportation available at that late hour other than an inside-the-airport-connecting train that we couldn’t find. The Air France lady had tried to explain to us in French how to get there.

We were walking through dark parking lots and potentially dangerous areas. I thought, yikes, this is possibly more dangerous than the flight that turned back.

A few minutes before midnight, we arrived at the hotel. I got in line at the hotel reception desk and told Greta to go to the bar and order us a glass of wine, before the bar closed. It had been 15+ hours since we had departed our ship to go home.

The wine was decent; the box lunch filled with carbohydrate and sugar snacks. Not edible.


                                   Blue Lunch Box


     Carbs and Sugar

But, we had a roof over our heads and we were safe: Roll with the flow

The next morning, an email arrived early from Air France: “Check in is at 9 a.m. Flight departs 11:30 a.m. We cannot locate your checked luggage. It didn’t make the connection from Amsterdam. Rest assured, we are searching for it.”

We had to retrace our steps to the airport check-in for our boarding passes and go through tight security again. When we finally got to the gate, Air France had changed it to the opposite end of terminal three. Oh well, what’s another 300 yards?

We departed at 11:50 a.m. and arrived safely at LAX, about 20 hours after originally scheduled. Amazingly enough, the checked luggage was on the flight with us after all.

I won’t even get into the traffic mess at LAX these days. It was horrendous. Trying to find your Lyft or Uber driver is zoo-mania.

In travel, one needs to Roll with the flow.

Part 3 – September Meet and Greet

The Meet and Greet gathering for senior singles is scheduled for Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Thursday, September 26, 5 to 7 p.m. Beer and Wine $5. Appetizers complimentary. Hope to see some of you there. In the first three months, some couples have already formed. Yea!

      At a recent Meet and Greet

Reykjavik and Scotland September 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter  –  September 6, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

The last eNewsletter (from Europe that is)

Today’s column is the final eNewsletter! (That is, the final article about our trip to Ireland, Iceland, Greenland and Scotland).

Last weekend, the Holland America Line Ms Rotterdam docked in Reykjavik, the capital of Iceland. Unlike the other ports we visited, which were sparsely populated, Reykjavik has a population of 125,000 in the city, and twice that amount when the surrounding suburbs are included.

But, in Reykjavik, Greta wanted to get out of the city. She had one special request on this trip: to visit the famous Blue Lagoon, about 35 miles out in the fields of volcanic rock. One requirement: bring your swimsuit.

The Blue Lagoon is the largest outdoor mineral bath in Iceland. People come from all over the world to bathe there because of its healing powers, particularly for ailments of the skin.

Before entering the large lagoon, people are required to shower. Then, they wander down to the 95-degree, give or take seven degrees, milky waters (color caused by minerals) and, contrary to some beliefs that swimsuits are optional, swimsuits are required. After all, there are children enjoying the lagoon as well.


  The Blue Lagoon in Reykjavik, Iceland

Most popular attraction in the lagoon: the swim-up, walk-up bar. I enjoyed a frosty Gull beer, an Icelandic brew. Two hours and 15 minutes later, we were on the bus and heading back to the city.

On the second day in Reykjavik, as we often do in overseas cities, we rode a Hop On Hop Off bus to visit the major attractions in the city. We got off the bus to enjoy the Opera House, which is almost as unique and attractive as the Sydney, Australia Opera House. The arts are very important in Reykjavik.


Opera House Ceiling from inside–strange photo I know but wanted to give you an idea

The last land we visited on the trip was Scotland, making three stops. The first port was Lerwick, a pleasant little town in the Shetland Islands, best known for the Shetland ponies. We didn’t see any horses as we just went ashore and walked around.

Turns out that Lerwick was one of the most enjoyable shore visits of our cruise. Cute shops, quaint homes with well-manicured lawns and gardens and friendly people. Like this man doing some maintenance on his 100-year-old boat.


    100-year-old boat

We did a little pre-Christmas shopping there.


The Wine Shop in Lerwick

Street sign in Lerwick made us chuckle:

Stop number two in Scotland was in Invergordon, a small city, and Inverness, a larger city. Took a bus tour to Inverness but ended up enjoying the quaintness of Invergordon more. On the bus one sees endless fields of malt and barley, which is where the famous Scotch whiskeys come from.

The Invergordon local church has one of the tallest steeples we’d ever seen.

We did not go to Loch Ness, where Nessie the lake monster is rumored to hang out but in Inverness did see a man fly fishing for salmon in the River Ness.

Invergordon has about a dozen murals painted on buildings around the city. It has a mural walk Invergordon. Greta joined in on a tug of war on this mural.


Look closely at tug of war to see who is pulling

Just prior to the ship departing the pier, a bagpipe band played for ships’ passengers songs such as My Bonnie Lassie and Amazing Grace. Here they are on the pier. In the next few weeks, after when we get home, I will post a video movie of the trip, including these bag pipe players.


8-piece bag pipe band playing for passengers and it was cold outside

Port number three in Scotland was Edinburgh. The ship docked at South Queensferry. We took a bus tour from there to Edinburgh. What a bustling, happening city Edinburgh is. More pubs than we could believe. The famous Edinburgh Castle stands visibly above the city. Impressive city but busy and congested as can be.

Edinburgh also is known for famous authors who were born or lived there. Among them: Sir Walter Scott, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and J.K. Rowling. There are many statues and residences where the authors lived in Edinburgh.


  Lots of writers in Edinburgh at the Newsroom Bar

While waiting to board a tender boat to return to the ship, one of the volunteer greeters from South Queensferry, upon seeing my University of Michigan block M on my shirt, approached me, dressed in his kilt, and said, “I’m Paul, a Purdue University Boilermaker.” He had played football at Purdue and now was coaching sports in nearby Edinburgh. We had a good chat. He grew up near the Bronx.


 Paul from Purdue with Tom from Michigan

On board ship, Greta and I chose “open seating,” which means the dining room steward seats you with different people each night. Now, Greta and I thought we had taken quite a few cruises in our 21 years together. Perhaps about 15.

One night we were seated with a nice couple about our age, David and Judy Egerton, from Victoria, British Columbia.  We got along nicely with them, as Judy is an author and David illustrates her books. We asked them if they do much cruising. Are you ready for this? By the end of this year, they will have logged 92 cruises, making our 15 cruises seem like a paltry sum.

In next week’s eNewsletter, we get back to the business of dating and finding love for the older set. We didn’t see any romances form on the ship, although perhaps behind closed doors some materialized.

Thanks for your comments about my cruise articles. Glad so many of you enjoyed them. Keep the questions and comments coming.