Tom Blake

ABBA IS BACK TODAY

TOM AND GRETA AT ABBA THE MUSEUM ON MAY 7, 2013, OPENING DAY WITH TWO ABBA LOOKALIKE MODELS

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 5, 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

ABBA IS BACK TODAY

Most of our readers have fond memories of music from the 1970s. For many, including me, one singing group stole the show. I first heard of the group while having a glass of wine with Australian friends in September 1976 on a patio overlooking Sydney Harbor.

I remember my friends saying, “Have you heard the Swedish singing group ABBA?” They have exploded in popularity in Australia.”

From that point on I started listening to ABBA and loved them. From 1973 to 1981, they recorded eight studio albums and became one of the most popular singing groups in history.

My favorite ABBA songs: Dancing Queen (1976), Take a Chance on Me (1977), and Chiquitita (1979) (see link below). In the spring of 1982, ABBA stunned fans worldwide when they split up. They had sold approximately 400 million records.

Thirty-one years later (April 2013), my partner Greta and I were in Stockholm, Sweden on a cruise. We heard that ABBA THE MUSEUM was opening soon somewhere in a park in Stockholm. We had nothing scheduled on our last day in Stockholm, so we decided to try to find it.

After an hour on a bus, we spotted a building in the park with a red carpet leading to the front door and people milling around, which we thought was possibly the museum.

We got off the bus at the next stop and walked back to the building. We were thrilled to learn it was ABBA THE MUSEUM. We went to the ticket window and were told that it was opening day and the museum was sold out for a week. We couldn’t go in.

Greta explained that we were from Southern California traveling on a cruise ship that was departing at 4:30 that afternoon. They made an exception and sold us two tickets. There Greta and I were, on the museum’s opening day, enjoying the interactive exhibits (you could be on stage with them virtually, doing your own version of ABBA, being photographed with two ABBA lookalikes, and subsequently watching Natalie Morales from the Today Show interview Bjorn and Anni-Frid, two of the four members of ABBA.

We were standing four feet from them. Before they appeared, we could hear Natalie saying, “Yes Matt (Lauer), I hear you clearly,” when she was doing sound checks. Being at ABBA THE MUSEUM on opening day and seeing Bjorn and Anni-Frid up close were the highlights of our month-long cruise.

Fast forward to October 27, 2021. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read in a New York Times article written by Elisabeth Vincentelli that ABBA had secretly recorded a new album titled, “Voyage,” which is being released today, November 5, 2021. The album includes the first two tunes written by the group since 1982.

A specially-built, 3,000-seat, ABBA Arena will open in London on May 27, 2022, where a live holographic show will take place. Meaning: It won’t be Benny, Bjorn, Agnetha, and Anni-Frid in person, but avatars with their faces from four decades ago superimposed on the digital figures. The 10 album songs will be performed digitally. A 10-piece orchestra will be live at the show.

Songs featured on the album include, “Just A Notion,” “Don’t Shut Me Down,” and, “I Still Have Faith In You.” I’m excited to acquire the new album. Humm, should Greta and I go to London for the opening of the ABBA Arena? It could be another first.

Below is a photo of Bjorn and Anna-Frid arriving on the set of The Today Show at ABBA THE MUSEUM to be interviewed by Natalie Morales. Greta and I were standing about four feet from them when they were being interviewed.

Link to ABBA singing Chiquitita
(173,000,000+ views)

Bjourn enters

Time Waits For No One

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 29, 2021

by Tom Blake – Columnist

As a kid in 1954, one of the singing groups I enjoyed the most was The Hilltoppers. Their lead singer was Jimmy Sacca who had an incredible voice. They were best known for their song, “P.S. I Love You.”

But it wasn’t “P.S. I Love You” that I thought about this week when I received updates from four couples who were featured in my 2009 book, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50,” which we mentioned in last week’s eNewsletter.

**Tom Blake’s book “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50**“

It was another Hilltoppers song titled, “Time Waits For No One” that came to my mind when I read how life had changed for the four couples. That song and the responses from the four couples made me reflect on how quickly time passes. Below are the words to “Time Waits For No One” :

“Time waits for no one it passes you by,

It rolls on forever, like the clouds in the sky

Time waits for no one, goes on endlessly,

It’s just like a river flowing out to sea

You’ll find that love is like this,

Each precious moment we miss

Will never, ever return again.

So don’t let us throw one sweet moment away

Time waits for no one, let’s take love while we may.”

What the four couples reported

1. Jon (now 74) and Sharon (now 69), Olympia, Washington.

First date: September 2007. Met at a singles club. Jon emailed: “Sharon and I are still together. She is busy with the Master Gardener’s growing food for the homeless. I am busy with the Humane Society and Sierra Club. We still have our own homes (six miles apart) which works out pretty well.

“No plans to get married or live together. I think our arrangement is best for us. I enjoy hearing about the others who were also in the book.”

A lesson learned from Jon and Sharon: Older couples can be happy without being married or living together.

2. Roger (now 71) and Jeanne (now 67), Huntington Beach, California.

Met on Match.com in 2003. Roger had become a widower at age 52 after 30 years of marriage. Jeanne was twice divorced. Both Roger and Jeanne are San Francisco 49ers fans.

Roger emailed, “Jeanne and I married in 2008 and are still going strong. Our first major change was buying a house together. Since we met, we now have three more grandchildren in addition to my one grandchild.

“I spend a lot of my time with my life-long hobby of outdoor hydroplane racing. Jeanne is involved in helping her daughter with her two girls, doing much reading and helping her brother who has some health issues. We’ve done a bit of traveling but COVID kind of put the brakes on that.

“We just take things a day at a time. I still read your column and enjoy seeing how older people react to each other and forge ahead in the world.”

A lesson learned from Roger and Jeanne: A good time to meet someone online is when that new person first appears on the Internet site. Roger reached out to Jeanne the first time she went online.

3. Jean (now 81) and Bob (passed away), Dana Point, California, both previously married for 45 years, Jean was divorced, Bob a widower and caregiver to his wife. Jean and Bob met on Senior People Meet. Com.
Jean emailed, “Sadly, Bob passed away in 2017. It was truly devastating. We had 10 very wonderful years together. Each of us had been previously married for 45 years.

A lesson learned from Jean and Bob: For a widowed person, who spent extended periods of time as a caregiver to a mate, the healing process may be far shorter when compared to a person who loses a mate unexpectedly.

4. Pat (79 now) and Len (74 now), Easton, Pa., met online on BikerKiss.com.

Pat was a widow. Pat wrote, “My significant other, Len, and I have been together for almost 17 years. November 17 will be our first-date anniversary.

“We’ve been through a lot together –some health issues for both of us and of course, COVID 19. Our relationship has grown and strengthened over the years, and we are happily living together still.

“For 10 years we traveled the USA and Canada via motorcycle approximately 250,000 miles. We’ve visited 49 states and most Canadian Provinces. Len sold the bike in 2016 and then we started to travel to Europe and hopefully when COVID is more under control and more restrictions are lifted we can continue doing so.

“We have remained active; we both walk, and I do yoga. We have a small group of friends that we enjoy doing things with and I have a select group of female friends that I enjoy being with. “We still love going to concerts, museums, and try to do something of interest several times a month. We have ‘date nights’ plus staying home watching a movie and holding hands still is a favorite thing to do.

“Meeting Len was one of the best things that happened to me, and he feels the same way. The longer we are together the better things get. Comfortable and content make it all work for us. “Congratulations on 24 years together for you and Greta. That doesn’t surprise me. When you find the right person, you should hold on and do everything to make the relationship a fulfilling one for each of you.”

A lesson learned from Pat and Len: Pat is five years older than Len, and yet, their story in the book stated, “Len is the happiest he’s been in a long time.”
When men realize that dating women close to their age, including women who are older, they open up opportunities for rewarding relationships.

As of this week, I’m aware of the status of 27 of those 58 couples featured in my book, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” from 2009. Eleven of the 27 are still together, 16 are not. Some separated and some lost a mate to death. In a couple of situations, both mates passed. The updated stories from the book reinforce that “Time Waits For No One” so make the best of your time together and appreciate each other.

I hope to gather a few more status updates about the remaining 31 couples who were included in the book.

Check out the Hilltoppers “Time Waits For No One” on Youtube. Here is the link:
Link to “Time Waits For No One” by the Hilltoppers

For an added treat while you are on that site, listen to “P.S. I Love You,” also by the Hilltoppers. The words are typical of the early 1950s. For example, “Was it dusty on the train?” and “I burned a hole in the dining room table,” (presumably from smoking).

Note from Tom: See picture below. Trust me, it wasn’t dusty on this train–nothing but first-class service on the famed Orient Express that Tom and Greta rode in 2007 from Venice to Prague to Paris. That was 14 years ago. Where did the time go?

**Tom Blake and Greta Cohn 2007 before boarding the Orient Express train in Venice**

What became of the 58 Couples?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – October 22, 2021

What became of the 58 couples?

In 2009, I published “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” The book was based on information that 58 Champ couples had provided. You may think “58” is a misprint, but it’s not. After the cover artwork was finished, eight more stories came in. My editor said, “Don’t change the artwork or book title, it’s catchy and would be expensive to change. Include the eight new stories; think of them as bonus stories.”

How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book cover by Tom Blake — **There are actually 58 stories of how couples met in this book**

I was honored to have John Gray, author of, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” provide an endorsement on the book’s front cover, which reads, “Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50.” How he knew that I have no idea, but I’ll accept it as a compliment.

I’ve often thought about what became of those 58 couples. I am aware of what happened to 14 couples. Some have split; some have become widows or widowers and about seven couples are still together.

If any of you are reading this eNewsletter today and were included in the book, please update me on what the status is of your relationship. If I hear from enough people, I might consider publishing an update to that book.

And, of course, I know the status of couple #58. That would be Greta and Tom, together for 24 years. They look like the couple on the front cover of the book, standing near the St. Francis of Assisi Cathedral in Italy.

This week I learned from Champ Lisa (Chapter 23) what became of her and her husband John. They divorced. He remarried; she’s happily single. She’s led a rather fascinating life.

Since her divorce from John, Lisa has had a long-distance relationship with a man 9 1/2 years younger. However, Lisa says “We met 10 years ago. Dated exclusively for two years and remain good friends. We met on Match.com.

“Sadly, our distance and interests preclude it from being more. He lives on Kodiak Island, Alaska, and doesn’t enjoy the heat. I live in Naples, Florida, and don’t enjoy the cold. No regrets, only fond memories.

“He is still hooked on my ‘candied bourbon bacon’ and he has sent me a lot of incredible sport-caught wild Alaskan fish in exchange for my bacon. We are no longer dating each other but have remained friends. I am so lucky.

“WILD King Salmon, Halibut, Sockeye, Rockfish, shrimp, scallops. He says his popularity in the local hunting/fishing community goes up when my bacon shows up. He sent a video of his tour guide on a recent hiking/camping adventure, shouting from a mountain top, that stated, “Lisa, if you are even half as awesome as your bacon, you are amazing.’ It’s a fun friendship. I have no clue about his romantic life, nor he about mine. It never comes up.”

Brief responses to the second-date kiss issue

S (woman) emailed, “Second date kissing? That wasn’t kissing, that was full slobbering making out. Totally inappropriate!”

Larry, “I’m surprised Gypsy didn’t floor the guy and yell, ‘Help, I’m being attacked.”

T (woman), “On a second date, I may expect a kiss but definitely not the kind Gypsy got from him. He was disrespectful of her. Rude!”

Susan, “I had the same thing happen to me and decided not to accept any further dates with the guy. He felt it appropriate to shove his tongue down my throat and not stop when I tried to push him away. I had to slide away in a less than graceful and desperate movement.”

A (woman), “I’ve had that happen to me too, many times, when I was in my 60s and dating. Most of those times were from men younger than I.”

My opinion: The guy was disgusting. A total jerk. Men should never force a mouth-to-mouth kiss on a woman.

And this

John, “The 68-year-old woman who is convinced that men in their 50s are after her for sex is proof that hope springs eternal.”

Let us hear from you

I’m inviting all Champs who have never emailed me to send in comments regarding senior living and dating in the cities and states in which they reside.

Senior dating and living topics

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 15, 2021
by Tom Blake

Protecting personal information

Champ Christine Baumgartner, our expert dating and relationship coach, shared a couple of notes about protecting personal information:

1.    I’ve mentioned to my female clients to create a free Gmail address to use exclusively for their online dating. This will protect their personal information because as Tom mentioned, most of us have a way to ‘track us’ through our regular email address.

2.    I also mention to them to sign up for a free phone number through Google Voice. It helps you protect your personal information just like the Gmail address does. Google assigns you an anonymous phone number that will route a call to your cell phone (just like online dating routes emails through their site to your personal email address).

What do single younger men want?

One woman Champ said, “On my ‘regular’ online dating site, I get contacted by many guys in their 50s. I am 68. I would NEVER go with anyone that young. And I’m sure I know what they are looking for.”   I asked her what that might be? Money? She responded: “S E X geez, had to spell it out?”

She has responded before. She always adds a negative comment whenever she writes. No wonder she can’t find guys to date–the negativism shows through and is a turnoff to men.

My comment. “You say that guys in their 50s want to have sex with women near 70. RealIy? I think guys in their 50s want to have sex with women in their 40s. Silly me, I thought money might be the primary reason why women want older men.”

One male Champ responded to her: “She’s not living in reality. Hope springs eternal.”

Another woman Champ asked me to keep my eyes and ears open for single guys for her. She wrote: “Location doesn’t matter because I’m willing to relocate. I’ll be 75 next month.”

And then she listed the specific religion he must belong to and the specific political party he must belong to.

My reply: At 75, location does matter? What if the guy lives 150+ miles away? How far is he going to be willing to travel to meet you and then to get to know you well enough to have you relocate to live with him?

I don’t discuss religion or politics in my writing. However, without taking sides, I will say this: requiring a man or a woman to be of a specific religion and a specific political party will severely limit the number of men available to her, particularly if she is geographically undesirable for them.

A male Champ stated that any woman in his life must be willing to attend Mass with him. He didn’t mention political party affiliation, but it’s likely also a factor with him.

Lunch with the newest Champ Greta and I had lunch this week with our newest Champ, Jo, who said, “I’m 87. I have no interest in dating. I just enjoy your eNewsletter.” Jo is one sharp cookie and a beautiful person.

A full dance-card

Linda, Murrieta, California, emailed, “If you want to stay busy and possibly keep your dance card full, living in a 55-plus community with amenities is the way to go. These are tailored to my interests but there are so many more activities. Bingo every Friday night and it’s open to the public.

Line Dancing Saturday morning at 9:30

Aerobics, MWF at 9:45. Karaoke once a month. Genealogy once a month. Wine Club once a month. Tuesday Night Social, every week at 5.“There are card clubs, tennis, golf, and pickleball. If you don’t have fun, it’s your own fault.”

Tom’s comment: Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to live in one of those 55+ communities. My mom did, for 30 years, a place called Oakmont, in Santa Rosa, California, and loved it. My siblings and I were blessed that she could afford it.”

Second-date familiarity A woman who describes herself as Gypsy is hoping to get opinions from Champs about a man’s second-date behavior. She wrote, “On our second date, he kissed me full on the mouth without an invite, not unusual, but he kept kissing me to the point of it being uncomfortable. I pulled away. Had it been on the cheek or top of the head, it would have been acceptable. As candid as our Champs are, it would be interesting to hear what they think of this familiarity on a second date. I don’t recall seeing an article or debate on the topic.”

Tom comment: Oh yikes, I think I’ll withhold my opinion, and ask our Champs if any of them will chime in. Can’t withhold my opinion: the guy was obnoxious.

One other item – Tom’s speech upcoming at Dana Point Historical Society

I mentioned that I will be the speaker at the Dana Point Historical Society meeting on Wednesday, October 27, at 7 p.m. in the Dana Point City Hall Chambers Meeting room. The topic: My new book, “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark.” There is no charge to attend. (See book cover image below)
However, seating will be very limited (55 people or less). I was previously told that a reservation would be required but that has changed. You can simply come to attend. I recommend arriving by 6:45 to ensure you won’t be standing in the hallway trying to listen. I’ll have some books to sign with me.
Thanks for responding with your dating experiences and questions, which are essential in keeping our information fresh.

Younger single senior men

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 8, 2021

by Tom Blake columnist

Responses to “Where Are the single senior men?”

Two weeks ago, the title of the eNewsletter was “Where are the men?” In that article, I quoted Marci, a single woman, age 70, who said: “I live in Orange County. I am retired and would love to meet an available, honest, adventurous man. Where is he?”

Normally, a comment like Marci’s would draw responses from men in their mid-70s and 80s+ who want to contact senior single women younger than they are. So, I was surprised when the first two men to respond were considerably younger than Marci.

One young widower, Capistrano Beach (a part of Dana Point), whom Greta and I have known for years, wrote, “I’m 56 and still single. It’s been tough dating lately thanks to COVID-19. I’m not giving up on women; they used to just fall in my lap without me looking.

“I guess I’m just too picky with the ladies, but I get flirted with a lot when I venture out to get a quick drink and a taste of social interaction. It’s all good because I’m really focused on doing fun stuff with my son, age 20, who is itching to get out there in the world before he moves out and moves on. When that happens, I’m sure I will be online dating. I’m still extremely busy with my work, which is good.”

Tom’s comment: This widower is a terrific person. Since his wife passed away a few years ago, he has devoted his life to raising his son. After his son moves out (and maybe before), I have no doubt that he will meet a fine woman. At 56, he reads our weekly eNewsletter and says he finds it “informative and entertaining.”

Another Tom, San Juan Capistrano, age 61, emailed that he’d like to contact Marci, who is 10 years older than he. I responded to Tom, “You asked for Marci’s email address. Of course, I always ask permission to give out someone’s email before passing it on to strangers. Marci notified me that she’s finally met a man who might even be marriage material. So, she’s out of the ballgame for now.

“However, it’s good to know you are 61 and live in SJC. I will keep my ears open for you. I have one idea of a nice potential mate in Orange County, but I need to check with her first. I will let you know.”

Also, writing this week was Connie who emailed: Hi Tom, I live in Laguna Niguel (Orange County, near Dana Point) and have known about you for ages but have never signed up for your email newsletter. I was at a family member’s house in San Juan Capistrano and saw your article titled ‘Where are the Single Men?’ in The Capistrano Dispatch paper.

“In that article, you mentioned that single women, when exchanging contact info with potential dates, should only give out to strangers a first name (not the last name) and email address, but not the home address.

“Well, my email, like yours, exposes my last name. I hate to manage too many more emails. I also manage another email as chairman of the City of Orange Hearing Loss Association. I’ve worn hearing aids for years and got a Cochlear Implant in one ear two years ago. We have been doing social events and some Zoom meetings. It’s been hard reading lips with people wearing masks, but we are used to finding creative ways to overcome obstacles.

“I have never been on a dating site. I guess I prefer the old-fashioned way. Maybe you can do a Zoom meeting for one of our upcoming meetings. We can title it ‘How to navigate the dating scene with a hearing loss.’ It would be hilarious.

“Thanks for all you do to keep others busy and happy. Amazing work! Like so many others, you never knew where your path was going to lead. I’m finally calling myself retired at 70, whatever that means.”

Tom’s response to Connie: “I didn’t think about women having their last name or first and last name in their email address when meeting new people when dating. I should have just looked at my own email address. I would consider you as a public figure, so you want people to recognize you and what you do, which presents a bit of a dilemma in sharing your last name with strangers.”

“For dating purposes, you could create a third email address but that would be another address with which to deal. If that is too much of a pain, you might decide to reveal your last name but be careful.

“I am impressed that you are chairman of the City of Orange Hearing Loss Association, and you hold social events and zoom meetings. “True, I did not know where my path would lead when 26 years ago, I wrote my first column in 1994. Combining newspaper and email eNewsletters, the total written has reached nearly 4,200. I have added you to the eNewsletter mailing list. I call our members Champs. Why? Because that’s what they are and now that’s what you are.

“Retired at 70, whatever that means? It means you will keep on being active and creative as you keep enriching your life and helping so many others.”

The Oil Spill

I think most of you are aware of the disastrous oil spill of 166,000 gallons this past weekend off the Southern California Coast. Seeing photos of dead sea animals and fish washing ashore is beyond sad. In April 2020, I wrote about witnessing a Standup Paddle Boarder (SUP) named Candice Appleby (considered to be the best woman paddleboarder in the world) rescuing a struggling baby sea lion by putting it on her board and bringing it ashore in Dana Point Harbor.

Candice Appleby with a rescued baby sea lion

She phoned ahead from her paddleboard to the Pacific Marine Mammal Center rescue team, to come to Baby Beach and take the baby seal to its facilities in nearby Laguna Beach. I was so impressed with Candice and the PMMC rescue team that I started contributing to the PMMC charity.

My SUP partner, Russell Kerr and I so love and appreciate those animals that it’s a cause close to our hearts. PMMC has rescued and returned to the ocean thousands of injured aquatic animals and birds over the past 50 years.

So, on the first of this month, when PMMC sent an email thanking me for my ongoing donation, I thought to myself, I need to contribute more because the PMMC is at the center of the rescue during this horrendous environmental tragedy. Even the beaches of Laguna Beach and Newport Beach, where they return healthy animals to the ocean, are closed. Dana Point Harbor is also closed.

I am not soliciting donations, but if you love animals, and can help with a small amount, it will help PMMC fight the damage being done by this oil slick. The PMMC team will be totally overwhelmed trying to save the sick animals. They said an update on Wednesday saying they would welcome some volunteers now. The link to the PMMC website:
https://www.pacificmmc.org

(Photo of the baby seal lion is courtesy of the PMMC.)

Senior dating success stories

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 1, 2021

by Tom Blake

Senior Success Stories and other comments

Champ George, San Francisco, emailed: “Today – September 27, 2021 – Mareah and I met 14 years ago at Celia’s by-the-beach Mexican restaurant and cantina on Judah Street, Sunset District, San Francisco, so that’s 14 years ago. Our romance matured into a forever friendship…! I’m 81; she’s 62.”

Tom’s comment: George was a newsletter subscriber long before he met Mareah. Their relationship shows that an age difference doesn’t necessarily matter in a relationship.

The picture was provided by George of he and Mareah on a Princess cruise which was an 80^th birthday present from Mareah to him.

Remember Ginny and Harry from our April 27 eNewsletter? She’s 80; he’s 87. They knew each other as kids. He was married 59 years and then widowed. They re-met at a PA Senior Center in a room where men shot pool. She volunteered at the center. He asked her out but made it clear to her that he wanted neither wanted to remarry or even no live together, just someone to pal around with. That was eight years ago.

This May, Ginny emailed that Harry had changed his mind. He decided he wanted to get married this November. And then, a month later, Ginny emailed an update: Harry changed his mind again. They’d be married in September.
One of our Champs, Tammy Lagorce, a NY Times “Weddings columnist,” became interested in Ginny’s and Harry’s story. Tammy asked me for permission to contact Ginny.

Ginny emailed this week. “Well, we did it (got married). It was a lovely day. It was so nice to meet Weddings columnist Tammy (Lagorce) and photographer Michelle (both from the NY Times). Our local paper featured our story Sunday. Tammy told us that our story will appear in the NY Times sometime in November.”

Tom’s comment: Kudos to Ginny. She made this event happen by first alerting us to her story with Harry and being cooperative by keeping us and Tammy Lagorce informed. Lesson learned: Regardless of age, never give up. And think about it: one of our Champs married at 80 and her story is being featured in the NY Times.

Diane emailed: “Three years ago after a man broke up with me after 7 1/2 years—because he didn’t think he could spend the rest of his life with me–I was crushed. It turns to have been the best thing that ever happened to me.
“Six months later, I set out to meet Mr. Right. I joined five dating sites and met three men a week at a coffee shop. I met lots of great guys, but Mr. Right was #57. We laugh about it today. I’m 76; my guy is 71.

“I kept notes on all the dates and have great stories to tell. I never met a bad guy and could have had a second date with many but only did with a couple of them. I decided I wasn’t going to settle for less than what I wanted.

“He came along, and we’ve been enjoying life, laughter, travel and so much fun ever since. I kinda made it a challenge and thought the process would make a fun book. That’s what kept me going.

“I made sure the men all lived within 45 minutes and if I had a second date with a man, I Googled him to make sure he was legit. There are some wonderful men out there looking for the right gal. It takes work and can be fun.”
Tom’s comment: Diane’s story also has valuable relationship lessons for older singles. A crushing breakup can be a blessing, although it’s hard to understand and accept at the time it happens.

Diane conducted her search as if she were trying to find the right job or career for herself. To meet the right mate, singles need to cast their net far and wide and put their best foot forward. Be tenacious.

Since Diane kept notes about her dates, and she said it would be a fun (and positive) book, I suggested Diane write a book about her multiple dates. She sounds like she’d put a positive spin on her experience.

In 2009, when I had received from my readers 50 senior dating success stories, I included them in a book titled “How 50 Couples Found Love after 50.” Each couple’s story has valuable lessons learned from how they met. You can read about that book (pictured below) in my online bookstore (link below).

Charles, my Navy roommate aboard the USS Noble, APA 218, during the Viet Nam war, checked in this week. His family founded and has owned the Boardwalk Amusement Park in Santa Cruz, California, since the early 1900s. Charlie and his wife Betty lost their home to the fire north of Santa Cruz last year.

Charles emailed, “The Boardwalk ended the summer strong, but it just about killed everyone because of our lack of getting employees. I, at age 81, was running rides on some big days, which was fun but hard on someone my age.
“Betty and I finally bought a house last month but won’t be able to move in until November 1. It has a small guest house, so you and Greta need to plan a trip this way.”

Tom’s comment: Charlie and I have been friends since 1963. That’s 58 years. Our ship was based in Subic Bay, Philippines Islands, and carried 3,000 battle-ready marines.

If you visit The Boardwalk in Santa Cruz and see an 81-year-old dude helping on the Big Dipper roller coaster or some other ride, introduce yourself and thank him for being a veteran, a Champ, and for contributing to today’s eNewsletter. And tell him his old Navy buddy, “Old T.P,” as he calls me, says hello.

Champ Norm, San Clemente, emailed. “You and I met at your former deli two years ago at a senior Meet and Greet. That night you advised me to immediately latch on to a ‘winner” woman attending, but she had already arranged with another guy to take her home.

“Not a problem. I’ve had several dates, mostly from online dating and that is difficult. Frustrating way to go. But never just the right chemistry. Finally, three months ago, I connected with a genuine, wonderful woman.”

We have a fabulous relationship and so much in common. I’m 87. She’s 77, very active, and smart. And, she has no problem sharing expenses. In fact, she goes overboard. Very loving and has a great sense of humor. We are so busy going and doing.

“I’ve been widowed 3 ½ years, after a 63-year marriage, and she’s been widowed eight years, after a 44-year marriage. We are so happy and it’s a match made in heaven. We both consider ourselves to be very lucky indeed!”

Tom’s comments: Think about this: Norm and his woman-friend have a combined 107 years of marriage experience under their belts. How blessed they are to have found each other. They each know a good thing when they each see it. I’m not suggesting marriage, but if that thought ever arises, I’ll bet “Weddings columnist” Tammy Lagorce would likely reach out to Norm and his woman friend.

Champ Pat emailed: “I can’t believe I’ve been following your writing for 20+ years. I stumbled onto you when I was a young widow at age 50 and am now 72 and still single. I am happy the way I am but do occasionally wish for a mate.
“I moved from the East Coast to the West Coast and met new friends through your suggestion to check out Meetup.com groups. I thank you for that because I had never heard of Meetup before. So glad I did.”

Tom’s comment: Pat, thanks for being a reader for so long. I think I started calling people Champs about 10 years ago. My first newspaper column was July 7, 1994, and appeared in the Dana Point News. It was titled, “Home alone with only the dogs for company.”

Since then, when combining newspaper columns and eNewsletters, the total is now more than 4,200 articles written. I’m blessed and I’ll keep writing as long as Champs keep sending in their information, as so many did this week.

Where are the single senior men?

Eight ways to meet single senior men.

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 24, 2021

by Tom P Blake

Where are the men? As a senior dating columnist, the most frequently asked question I receive is “Where are the single senior men?” Meaning, available senior single men, and asked by women. Sometimes, the question is worded differently, but the intention is the same.

For example, Marci, 70, emailed, “I live in Orange County. I am retired and would love to meet an available, honest, adventurous man. Where is he?”
Marci added: “I am fun, smart, spiritual, good looking, and healthy. I love my family, friends, animals and ENJOY my life. I am so ready to meet him.”

My usual answer: “There is no specific place, at least of which I’m aware, where senior single men congregate with the purpose of meeting an available senior woman near their age range. No bar, no church, no senior center, no golf course—not even a cruise ship.”

But that has changed. There are hundreds of places now where senior single men hang out–and may possibly be hoping to meet a mate. Where? Isolated in their homes, due to the Covid pandemic. That makes meeting men even harder.

My response to Marci: You sound terrific–retired, healthy, attractive, loving enthusiastic, confident, and positive. Wow, great credentials; you’d be a wonderful partner! Oh, you didn’t mention whether you are financially secure—some calculating guy might even want to know that! But it’s best to not mention your finances. If a man asks, that’s a red flag that he is seeking something other than love.

I wish, Marci, that I had an easy answer to your question. Finding a quality mate is difficult for senior women. At age 70, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately 3.5-to-one. And yet, meeting a mate at your age is possible, even if many of them are hunkered down at home.

My normal advice would be: “Get off the couch and out of the house and involved in activities you enjoy. By doing just that, you will improve your chances greatly of meeting that adventurous guy.”

However, for nearly two years, seniors have been handcuffed by Covid. Socializing and meeting new people has been challenging. Earlier this year, the situation appeared to be improving, but restrictions are reappearing.

So, I’ve come up with a revised list of eight suggestions on how to meet a single senior man:

1 – To facilitate exchanging contact information with new people, hand out preprinted name cards that reveal only your first name and email address. Don’t reveal your last name, street address, or phone number (not yet at least).
Handwritten cards prepared by you are fine. Or you can go to Staples or a print shop to have them done. Carry them with you. Have them ready so that a pen isn’t needed when exchanging contact information with a new acquaintance.
If a woman wants to increase her circle of women friends–an excellent idea–handwriting her phone number on her card should be okay.

If your last name is a part of your email address, you might need to get a second email address that doesn’t reveal your name and use that when first meeting strangers. Just be darned careful regardless of how you are meeting

2 – Seize every opportunity to meet new people without endangering your health. Attend events and gatherings where people are vaccinated and located outdoors in the open air. For example, attend tai chi and/or yoga classes in a park. Introduce yourself to strangers, hand out your name cards, while keeping your distance.

This week, the editors of my three Orange County newspapers asked me to contribute an extra column to an Aging Well insert describing where retired people can go during these Covid times. The article is approximately 1,200 words.

You can read that article online by clicking on one of the three separate newspaper links at the end of today’s newsletter. Look for the Aging Well insert. The article might provide you some suggestions, even if you don’t live in South Orange County.

3 – Don’t focus solely on meeting men. Include women as well, single or married. Make meeting new friends a top priority. Social interaction is one of the most important activities seniors can pursue.

4 – Be sure you are getting physical and mental exercise. It helps your health and makes you a more interesting person. Adopt a project; write a blog. Write a book. Volunteer (safely). Read a book such as “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” by Tom Blake

5 – Internet date, which will improve your chances of meeting a mate. You need access to a computer. If you don’t have this capability, ask a friend for help. The internet is an important senior dating tool, enabling people to search for a mate beyond one’s neighborhood, city limits, and state lines. There are thousands of potential mates out there.

However, BEWARE! I estimate that 25 percent of the people on senior dating sites are scammers, trying to steal seniors’ identity and money. The scammers are experts of deceit, preying on vulnerable seniors, especially widows.

Don’t venture online on your own. Have friends help you. Write me for advice. Trust your instincts. Never send money to a stranger. Don’t be naïve or gullible because you are lonely. Be careful when meeting a stranger in person.

6 – Meetup.com – Again, you will need a computer, but only to locate groups within your area that provide endless activities. Meetup.com is an online site where you can join groups to learn—for example–to dance, speak a language, exercise, cook Italian (or any country’s) food. Learn how to write, publish a book.

7- Volunteer. There are many opportunities in your community. Pick a place to help that makes you feel good and do it. Just keep in mind the Covid precautions.

8 – Suggest to your friends to sign up for this weekly free email newsletter by visiting the home page of my “Findingloveafter50.com” website or email me and ask me to add you. You will learn what others are doing to meet mates.
Cast your net far and wide. Anything can happen. Never give up hope. Continue to enjoy life, with or without a man. Links to Tom’s newspapers

Link to Dana Point Times newspaper
Link to San Clemente Times
Link to San Juan Capistrano newspaper

THE CHAMPS SPEAK

by Tom Blake – Columnist

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 17, 2021

9/11 Tribute

Champ Larry, Ann Arbor, Michigan, emailed on Saturday, September 11, “Today is not busy until 4 p.m. when my wife Bonnie and I head toward the stadium to set up our tailgate for the Michigan vs. Washington football game at “The Big House.”

Friends will stop by, sometimes from as far away as Dallas or London. It’s game day. We have our University of Michigan flag flying in the front yard. It will be a late-night with the kickoff at 8 p.m. “The band has a spectacular light show planned at halftime commemorating 9/11.

Twenty years ago today, the 9/11 attack came when I was on my way back from dropping Bonnie at Detroit’s Metropolitan Airport. She was headed for Fort Worth to babysit our granddaughters.

“I had pulled off I-94 at the Bellville exit and was one car from getting a cup of coffee at McDonalds when I heard the announcement of the crash. I thought it was an announcement like ‘War of the Worlds.’ “Bonnie’s flight was in the process of making an emergency landing at Indianapolis, where she would be kept at the Holiday Inn for three days until I went down and picked her up.”

Tom’s comment: I’ve known Larry for more years than I can remember. He was in my brother’s high school class in Jackson, Michigan, which makes him a couple of years older than I. He was an incredible golfer, good enough to have earned varsity letters on the UM golf team. He and his wife Bonnie, married for 61 years, are Champs and enjoy reading the eNewsletter.

**Bonnie and Larry Leach married 61 years – Ann Arbor, Michigan**

I asked Larry to send us a picture of the UM band light show. I was hoping that ABC TV, which carried the game, would show 30 seconds or so of the band’s performance during the half but the network finessed it. Here is Larry’s photo of the band at halftime on September 11, 2021.

**University of Michigan Band at halftime on September 11, 2021**

Movin’ in isn’t easy either

Champ Althea commented on the eight items I listed last week to do before deciding to cohabitate. She said, “I have to disagree with number 8. Moving in is NOT so easy; it’s as difficult as moving out. The decision to move in might be easy to make, in certain circumstances, but everything that surrounds the move-in is back-breaking (packing, lifting, carrying, etc.) and mind-boggling HARD.

“Especially when you’re over 65 with physical issues, and one whole house is trying to merge into another whole house…of stuff! Sometimes you need to take the good with the bad and suffer the consequences later.”

Have it notarized Regarding item number 6 from last week’s list, ‘Sign a written exit plan before the move, in case it doesn’t work out,’ Champ S. added: “Have it notarized.”

And John from Las Vegas shared, “You penned a very sobering article, which is demonstrably needed: After age 70, we must strive to spend our time wisely and thereby avoid devastating emotional stress. The subject reminder is akin to a well-thought-out, pre-nuptial agreement, i.e., failure to plan is planning to fail.”

Tom’s comment: Have that pre-nuptial notarized as well.

Traditional woman

A male Champ from Orange County. Ca., wrote, “I had a first date with a woman I met online. She said she had dated you. She made a comment about you saying that you felt women should pay their ‘fair’ share in dating expenses. She then added in that context, ‘I’m a traditional woman.’ I think that’s a code for a guy to pick up all the tabs.”

Tom’s comment: Our Champ shared the woman’s name with me. I had no recollection of her or her name. If we dated, that had to be more than a quarter-century ago, as I’ve been with Greta for 24 years and was in a short, committed relationship for two years before that. Maybe I simply forgot.

My guess is ‘we dated’ means we had one date. And when I found out she was a ‘traditional woman,’ that was the only time I asked her out. Or, because I wasn’t a ‘traditional man,’ (willing to pay every time) she bailed on me.

Moving him out is harder than moving him in

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 10, 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior cohabitation: moving in is easier than moving out

Last week, we wrote about Jeanne, who was in a quandary because the man living with her for three years is a hoarder and treats her poorly. She wants him to move out. They met on OurTime in 2015.

Champs responded: Liping wrote: “I have been told before I criticize someone, I need to clean my room first. I will clean our rooms first tomorrow morning.”

S. emailed: “Jeanne says they have no agreement, yet he says she can’t kick him out. He can say anything he likes, but unless there’s a signed lease (not rental agreement), she can most certainly kick him out. “When the eviction suspension due to Covid is lifted, that is. Give him a three-day notice to quit and thus start the eviction process. This is assuming he holds no legal interest in the property.”

Cheryl, “What we don’t know are the contents of her partner’s boxes. Someone in their 70s has spent a lifetime putting together a well-stocked house. “Is he really a hoarder or did he just make a bad decision moving where there’s no room for his stuff? The bigger issue seems to be a volatile relationship where neither are happy but neither seems willing to leave.”

Shelley, “So she met the hoarder in 2015, and let him move in with her in 2018. He’s quick to get angry. I think she can kick him out immediately. Life is too short for this nonsense.” And then I heard about another unpleasant cohabitation situation.

This one from Beth (not her true name) 70, who wrote:

“Sixteen months ago, I started dating an older gentleman (79). We met on Match.com at the beginning of Covid 19. We missed the dating process because of Covid shutdowns.

“We walked often, and I cooked for us and cooked for him before I went home. We face-timed every night we weren’t together. He’d call eight times a day asking when I would come to his house. He asked me to marry him early on, but I said no.

“He wanted me to move in, but I said no. He started to fail physically, losing his balance and falling occasionally. I started going to doctor appointments with him. I went from girlfriend to caregiver in a few short months. I was cooking and cleaning with no days off for three months while staying at his house.

“He was very demanding of my time. He had brain surgery. I had to shower him. I started pushing back and told him when he got well, I was returning to my home. He asked me to stay another month.

“One day while he was on the phone, I packed and left. I felt guilty for leaving but knew no time would be a good time to leave. I am so burned out and I’ve decided to just enjoy my life.”

Tom’s comment: Back to Jeanne’s situation. This week, she sent an update: “Our couple’s counselor said today that we have senior irreconcilable differences. A week ago, I realized I could go no further trying to make it work and I asked him to leave.

“This relationship should never have been a move-in-with-me situation and the counselor pointed out to me that this was my biggest mistake, letting him move in with me.

“We had not known each other for enough time to live together. Seeing each other once a week, and sometimes only for part of a weekend didn’t give us enough time to get to really know each other and see all sides of each other.

“Because we were older did not mean we – especially me – were wiser! “
Three years wasn’t long enough to know each other? Really?

Tom’s eight lessons learned from these two situations

Before cohabitating:

1 – Heed red flag warnings

2 – Trust your instincts

3 – Get to know the person well (for Jeanne, three years wasn’t long enough)

4 – Don’t rush your decision

5 – Be objective. No rose-colored glasses

6 – Sign a written exit plan before the move, in case it doesn’t work out

7 – Don’t do it in order to just save money

8 – Remember, moving in is easy; moving out is difficult. I’m reminded of the Broadway musical that Greta, her daughter, Tammi, and I saw in NYC in 2005, called “Movin’ Out,” on the night before I was interviewed by Diane Sawyer on “Good Morning America.”

Above, see Greta and me with Diane and that cover of the Playbill Magazine from the musical, which featured the music of Billy Joel, including the song, “Movin’ Out (Anthony’s song),” which was on Joel’s 1971 “The Stranger” album

Link to Billy Joel singing “Movin’ Out”

Seniors have the right to live again

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 3, 2021

by Tom P Blake

Seniors have the right to live again

Stuck with a live-in hoarder; a Champ wonders what to do

Champ Jeanne emailed: “I have a question about hoarding. Something that got glossed over when my partner moved in with me three years ago – the number of storage boxes etc. that he had and never used. It was pointed out to me that he is an organized hoarder. We met on the website Our Time in 2015.

“I had always envisioned hoarding as piles of newspaper etc. blocking passage in rooms and hallways! Every space has been filled with his stuff and he has more stuff in someone’s garage nearby. I am uncomfortable with every inch of space taken with the stuff that he never uses. It has become a problem in our relationship.

“I am constantly donating unused stuff that I have. I have learned that hoarders can’t get rid of stuff. I have asked that it go into the attic so at least it’s not taking up room that could be used by the things we do use, which have been shoved out of the way to make room for his things. That way he has access to it if needed.

“The bicycle, the motorcycle, the kayak, he refuses to move out. He is not going to use them – he’s in his late 70’s and out of shape!

“I’m hoping Champs shed some light and give some advice. If I mention moving anything, he wants me to take empty flowerpots and put them outside – that sort of thing…I’m over my head and completely frustrated!

“All this comes from my not bringing the subject of this ‘collecting’ up sooner in our relationship when I saw all the things he had and how he did not attempt to pare it down. “We don’t have an agreement, but he did say I can’t kick him out. The only way he would leave is if I put the house on the market and it sold! Maybe I had better ask my lawyer!

“I can’t live with the situation the way it is – I have tried to for the last few years but that didn’t work!! He has had two wives leave him to his utter surprise and although he has many wonderful characteristics, he is not relationship material.

“I ignored some red flags so that’s on me! He does give me some monetary contribution to the household, which is helpful, but not nearly what he would pay for a rental of this caliber in this area.

Tom’s response: We’ll see what Champs say. Last week’s title was “We have the right to love again?” This week’s title is “We have the right to live again.” Jeanne’s situation is not “if,” it’s “when and how?” Jeanne will get him out of her house.
I sent her a return email with a few questions. She responded, saying there are other issues in addition to the hoarding. He is quick to get angry and is an incessant talker.

men must earn friends with benefits status — **Stop arguing**

She added, “His flaws are too much for me and they killed my love for him. I didn’t like the person I had become–yelling and fighting back or shutting myself in my bedroom.”

Another Champ was in a similar, but a different situation. She moved into a new apartment building a year or so ago in Northern California, signing a one-year lease. It took one day to learn that people who lived above her were unbearably noisy, dropping things on the floor during all hours. And the people below her were also unbearably noisy. The situation was unacceptable; she could not get much sleep.

The building landlord would do nothing. She took it upon herself to find other accommodations, even considering small college towns back East. Competition for small one-or two-bedroom places was brutal. Rental prices in California have increased dramatically. She finally found a nice location a few miles away. She forfeited a month’s rent at the end of her lease to get out of the bad situation.

She wrote, “I moved yesterday! After contending with looking for months, high and low, and getting beaten out for the only standalone cottage in my price range, I signed Saturday for a 2BR upstairs condo surrounded by magical redwoods and other mature trees.

“A good night of sleep is pure medicine!” She made the relocation happen while functioning on little sleep. That’s why I call our readers Champs—because that’s what you are. Go-getters. When things aren’t right, you strive to make them right.

Please share your opinions with Jeanne regarding the hoarder.