On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter
By Tom Blake
July 1, 2022
Senior dating challenges: Why do senior men send mixed signals?
Where is “John?”
A Champ and San Juan Capistrano, California resident, Yoko, emailed, “A couple weeks ago, two girlfriends and I went to the Swallow’s Inn in San Juan Capistrano on a Tuesday evening for line dancing lessons. I arrived early.
Note from Tom: The Swallows Inn is one of the most popular country and Western bars in Orange County, California. Some customers tie their horses up behind the bar. It’s been around for years.
Yoko continued, “A few minutes later, two men sat down at the table next to me and started a conversation. I was attracted to the man sitting closest to me (I’ll call him ‘John’). He and I chatted for 2 1/2 hours, and I even skipped one of the line dancing lessons as we were engaged in an interesting conversation about a property, he bought in Fallbrook (North San Diego County) this March with many avocado trees.
“He had lived in San Juan Capistrano for 25 years. He owns his own company, now lives in nearby Mission Viejo Monday-Thursday and is in Fallbrook Friday-Sunday. He wore no wedding ring. As he was flipping through pictures of his Fallbrook property to show me on his phone, I didn’t see any pictures of him with a woman.
“He offered to buy drinks and food for me and my friends which I thought was very generous. We had already eaten. He bought a glass of wine for me and sodas for my non-alcohol-drinking friends. He helped move our table a little so my friends would have some space to sit and helped me lower a window blind that was stuck with sun streaming into my friends’ eyes. Very chivalrous of him.
“All of his qualities I found attractive as well as his physical appearance. I guess his age is close to mine in his mid-60s. His friend kept urging him to dance with me, but he had informed me early in the conversation he did not line dance.
“I’m not aggressive when I meet men as I was raised in an ‘old fashioned’ environment and the Japanese culture where the man makes the initial contact offer. This has always worked for me in the past.
“After 2 1/2 hours my girlfriends wanted to leave so I thanked ‘John,’ and said my friends wanted to leave. I lingered a bit hoping he would ask for my phone number or give me his phone number. He did not ask so I said, “I hope to see you again,” and I left.
“That was one of the strangest experiences I’ve had with a man to whom I was attracted, and I certainly got the vibes that ‘John’ was attracted to me. My ego was a little hurt as I’ve never had a man spend that much time talking to me, who seemed attracted to me and then not ask if he could call or see me again.
“He certainly wasn’t shy as he initiated the conversation with me as soon as he sat down next to me.
“I haven’t gone back to the Swallows since this happened but will go sometime.
“I would enjoy hearing your and our Champs’ thoughts.”
I responded, “Yoko, I have no idea why he didn’t ask how to reach you. Perhaps he’s involved in a relationship or even married.
“What more could you have done? One of the tips I suggest to single women who’d like to meet a potential mate is to be assertive, not aggressive, when meeting or seeing a single man who appeals to them.
“By this I mean have a pre-printed card (similar to a business card) with your first name and email address on it, that you could have handed to him. Or, you could have written your email address on a cocktail napkin.
“Who knows if you will see him again? If not, it wasn’t meant to be. But, in the future, be prepared to hand over your contact information if a similar situation arises.
“If ‘John’ reads this column and wants to contact you, he can email me, and I shall pass his information on to you.”
Three questions for Champs:
Has this ever happened to you?
What would you have done?
What should Yoko have done?
Thanks, Champs. Welcome to July. Egad. Halfway through 2022.
On Life and Love after 50 