Tutor & Spunky’s Deli – On Life and Love after 50

November 11 is Special To Me

(Photo courtesy Michelle Rivera)

On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter November 18 2024

Tom Blake Columnist

November 11 is Special to Me

Today’s eNewsletter is not about senior dating. Rather, it’s about being grateful to family and friends who love and support us. This became unexpectedly evident to me this past Monday, November 11, as the emotion of seeing people I love was so overwhelming it brought me to tears. I will explain later, but first some background info regarding November 11.

An armistice was declared on the 11^th hour, of the 11^th day of the 11^th month in 1918 between the countries that had been fighting in World War I, also known as The Great War.

In 1938, November 11^th became a federal holiday in the United States. It was called Armistice Day, honoring the end of World War I and the veterans who fought in it. Why has November 11^th always been special to me?

One year later, in 1939, I was born on Armistice Day, which also happened to be my Mom, Frances Pardee Blake’s birthday as well.

After World War II and the Korean War, the name Armistice Day was changed to Veterans Day. That name change made November 11^th even more special to me. I am a Vietnam War veteran.

When the Vietnam War broke out, my ship, the USS Noble, APA 218, was one of the first three ships to arrive in the waters off South Vietnam. We had 3,000 battle-prepared Marines on board, many under 20 years of age.

On the night before they were going ashore, the line to get into the ship’s chapel was filled with Marines on all decks. One could barely move anywhere on the ship. Many of us in the wardroom prayed for those kids. As they were transferred to the jungles, I pondered how many would return alive. I still think about that question today, which is why I keep a lid on my birthday (Veterans Day) celebrations.

As November 11 was approaching this year, I wanted to keep the day especially quiet meaning no big celebrations or no hoopla for me because I was becoming 85. And I was grateful, blessed, pleased, fortunate, and happy about reaching that milestone.

My significant other, Debbie, who has fought her own battles over the last five months—cancer surgery and reconstruction, radiation, recovery and witnessing, within inches of missing her, the trauma of a car out of control in front of the Mission Viejo Medical Center, that killed an older man entering the medical center, and then a month ago, suffering a horrendous fall on a concrete sidewalk—wanted to plan a small dinner party for me which I declined. I just wanted to quietly honor my mom and veterans on this emotional day and enjoy a nice meal with Debbie that night.

My friend Michelle (also known as Lady Hummingbird) wanted to take me to lunch that day with a friend of mine, but she wouldn’t say who. I accepted. Michelle requested I come to her house at 11:30 and we’d ride in her car to meet a friend of mine (a surprise) at a restaurant she had selected. I suspected it might be my former deli. That morning, Michelle texted. “Remember, women don’t like men to arrive early so please not before 11:30.” I thought that was an unusual request, but didn’t overthink it.

As Michelle drove down the hill toward Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, which I opened and operated for 25 years, she had her right-turn blinker on to get on Pacific Coast Highway northbound. I dismissed my suspicions that we might be going to the deli.

However, she made a near pit maneuver which led us immediately to the deli parking lot. I noticed my buddy Jim’s car parked outside so my suspicions were correct after all.

As we entered the deli, I glanced into the dining room and thought I was hallucinating. There were about 22 people standing next to a table with balloons and a Happy Birthday sign with a big number 85 in the middle on the wall behind the table. The 85 was a dead giveaway–that message was intended for me. I then understood why Michelle didn’t want me to arrive early, the guests were decorating and arrived before me.

I recognized every person there, each with a special connection from my past. I was overcome with emotions. I lost it. Tears were ‘free fallin’ from my eyes like the famous Tom Petty song. As big as raindrops like in the 1961 “Raindrops” Dee Clark song. (There are links to both songs below).

Johnny Cash music (Walk The Line) began, making me even more emotional as a fond memory of my friendship with him bubbled up.

The people were from different aspects of my life. I am so fortunate. There were four of my previous employees from the deli: Teresa, Debbie, and Sandy, each still working there, and Veronica, who is the mother of two young boys.

And two neighbor women were present, Kresta, who is married to Jake, from next door, and Colleen whose hubby is Alex, who live directly across the street. They look out for me, and I look out for them.

And three fantasy football pals. We have been together for 30 years in the TMFL (Tooter’s Morning Football League, named after its founder, me). Bruce Smith, John Hawkins (aka Hawk), and Vince Monfils.

Bruce and I also attended an Elton John/Billy Joel concert together in Las Vegas on February 18, 2001, at the MGM Grand Hotel. His wife’s daughter Jaime attended with him.

Besides being in TMFL, Vince was a tennis pro and then a buyer for the Ritz Carlton hotels in Southern California. He is now Vince The Hat Man. He custom designs the hats he and his life partner Julie sell at the Dana Point Farmers Market on most Saturdays.

Hawk and his wife Tracy have been close friends for 30 years. She has been working in the Capistrano Valley Unified School District for 28 years, 18 of those years as a high school teacher and the other 10 years in Guidance.

Jim Fallon, my current fantasy football coaching partner, and a member of the grief share group I belong to, secretly—to me at least—helped Michelle, who organized the event. I now understand why Michelle is so good as a home caregiver. Busy, efficient, and organized. Also helping Michelle was my significant other, Debbie, without me knowing about the two working together.

A member of my grief share group, Patty Beverly, San Clemente, was notified by Jim and fit the party into her busy schedule. The three of us have shared lots of sadness in the previous two years, remembering lost loved ones. This added to my emotionally charged day.

To top off the event, a fireman came into the deli for a sandwich. I didn’t recognize him but over the years Dana Point firemen were incredible customers. At numerous times they would be eating, and an emergency call would come in. They would bolt, leaving their food on the table. We would save it for them, often having to refrigerate the food until they returned. They appreciated us and us them.

The fireman asked the deli cashier what was going on, and when he found out, he walked over to me to thank me for my 25 years of feeding them and handed me a Special Operations Rescue medal. See enclosed pictures of front and back. His incredible gesture nearly knocked me off my feet.

I mentioned to Debbie that I was embarrassed for shedding so many tears. She looked at me and said, “Women love when men cry (at the right time), you were great.”

I said it reminded me of the Dee Clark song “Raindrops” with the lyrics, “…A man ain’t supposed to cry.”

She said, “Women like men who have the capacity to cry. I was proud of you.”

Who says 85 is old? This was the most positive emotional day in my life. Lesson learned as you grow older: Cherish your friends, family, and memories. Wake up on your birthday and say to yourself, this is the first day of my X^th year (the year after your birthday. For me, 85^th birthday, the start of my 86^thyear. And be happy you’ve made it this far.

Link to Tom Petty’s “Free fallin’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lWJXDG2i0A

Link to Dee Clark’s song: Raindrops”

A Week of Little Blessings

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter September 13, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist

An eight-foot statue of Johnny Cash is being unveiled in the Nation’s Capitol Emancipation Hall on September 24. I thought, how cool, I’d love to be there, but I assumed it would be an exclusive “by invitation only” event. I searched online for details.

I saw a copy of the formal invitation sent to United States Senators and House Members. Even they had to RSVP to reserve a seat and indeed, it was an “invitation-only” event. I telephoned the Sargeant Of Arms spokesperson listed on the invitation and she told me there was no way I could get a seat on my own. She did mention that a limited number of seats had been set aside for Cash family members and suggested I contact them.

I’ve known Rosanne Cash, Johnny’s daughter, for nearly 50 years. On a whim, I sent Danny, Rosanne’s road manager, an email request to ask Rosanne if there might be an empty seat left that I could occupy. For luck, I put on my Johhny Cash t-shirt before venturing out for the day.

Within minutes, Danny responded: “I’m sorry Tom, Rosanne has already used up her allotment.” I thought about guys like Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson who are probably on Rosanne’s list so I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. However, being able to dream like that at my age is a little blessing.

My next-door neighbors, Jake and Kresta, have a son who lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and they own a home there. They visit often. A friend of mine who also owns a home in Nashville but lives in Dana Point stopped by my house that day to hopefully meet them. I introduced her to them. They compared notes and found that their homes are in the same suburb only a few blocks apart. They became friends. That was a little blessing. What a small world.

A while later, still wearing my Johnny Cash t-shirt, I stopped at Trader Joe’s. When checking out, there were two young men (age 20 or less) working the cash register together. While placing my items in a paper bag, one of the guys saw my t-shirt and said, “Do you like Johnny Cash?”

I replied, “Yes, I knew him and worked with him for two years. He was a great guy.”

The boy’s face lit up; he said excitedly, “I love Johnny Cash. I love Johnny Cash. The next time you come in can we take some time, and you tell me more about him?”

Here was a young man approximately 64 years younger than me and we both admire Johnny Cash. We had an immediate connection. That was a little blessing.

And speaking of Trader Joe’s, I’ve owned a black and red T.J.’s insulated bag for at least 20 years. I’ve taken it on trips overseas multiple times. It’s virtually a world traveler. It’s so versatile, lightweight, and convenient.

The day after being at Trader Joe’s, I walked to the sidewalk in front of my house. There was a new Trader Joe’s canvas tote bag, exactly like mine, on a bush near the sidewalk. It was empty except for a pink Gelson’s Market receipt that showed a name and a telephone number. I thought to myself, “I bet the owner would like to have that bag back. And if I leave it out here near the sidewalk, anybody walking by could snatch it.”

I brought the bag inside and texted the number on the receipt to explain I had found the bag. A day went by, no response. I decided to leave a voice message. Three hours later, the phone rang. It was Jack, the bag’s owner. I suggested we meet somewhere so I could give him his bag. I told him the name of my street.

He told me his. Same street. Turns out, he lives at number 5, and I live at number 15–50 yards away but around the corner. Both of us have been in the neighborhood for years. We had never met. And, now, we are friends. That was another little blessing.

This week, I stopped at Tutor and Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point. A woman I’ve known for 30 years named Eileen Gordon, a personal trainer who works in the same center, was there and we chatted for a few minutes.

I sell my books at the deli. A delightful employee named Apple told me a woman customer named Wendy Adam had bought one of my “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark” books that I published in 2021. Wendy had left the book at the deli hoping I would sign below the picture on page 232.

The picture on page 232 is of Vern McGarry, a loyal deli customer, an accomplished skydiver, and the volunteer coach of the 2007 Dana Hills High School track and field high jumpers. Three high jumpers were also in the picture. Vern sadly passed away a few years ago.

And then Apple said with a tear in her eye, that one of the jumpers was Wendy’s son Jeff Adam. And that he had passed away unexpectedly at age 20, which is why Wendy wanted that page signed. Apple had Wendy’s phone number and called her to tell her I was at the deli signing the book.

As fate would have it, Wendy was doing personal training at Eileen’s exercise gym.

As I was about to sign under the picture, Wendy came into the deli. We had never met. I asked her about her son Jeff. She told me how Jeff had passed; it was a day after he performed in a decathlon event. She and I hugged. There were tears all around. Thanks to Apple for being so considerate and caring toward Wendy. What a little blessing that event at the deli was.

Blessings come in all sizes. I experienced them this past week. And I am blessed.

Fantasy

Authentic Autographed USFL football owned by Tom

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter August 30, 2024
Senior Dating Fantasy and Football
By Columnist Tom Blake

The first paragraph of my initial newspaper column read “Unfortunately, many of you have been there, are there now, or will be soon. Where? Middle-aged and dating again.”

The second paragraph was, “I won’t bore you with why my wife and I separated. The separation occurred Christmas time, 1993.”

That initial column was titled “Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company” and appeared on July 7, 1994, in the Dana Point News and the “Laguna Niguel News in South Orange County, California.

Seeing my column that day in the two newspapers nearly floored me. Why? Six months before, when the separation happened, I wasn’t a writer, let alone a newspaper columnist. But it’s amazing what can happen to people when adversity strikes. Opportunity often arises later and when it does, people should seize it.

And now, 30 years after that first column appeared, I feel as blessed as I felt then to have my articles appear in printed newspapers and eNewsletters.
In 1994, middle-aged dating was difficult. I wasn’t prepared for it. But as Frank Sinatra sang in My Way, “…when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out.” I muddled through and wrote columns about the senior dating challenges I faced.

Newspaper readers, mostly singles, shared their information with me by leaving messages on the newspaper’s telephone information lines. That information enabled me to continue writing columns with fresh material.
I started writing eNewsletters 20 years ago. The topics in the newsletters and newspapers are not the same. Yes, sometimes they are similar but often totally different.

Two weeks ago, at Oggi’s Sports Brewhouse in Mission Viejo, California, a group of old buddies gathered for our annual fantasy football draft, which began 36 years ago. Our fantasy league’s name is TMFL, an acronym for Tooter’s Morning Football League. My nickname has been Tooter ever since 1988 when I opened Tutor & Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point.

In 1990, when I started the fantasy football league, the founding 12 franchises named it TMFL. And some of them still call me “Toot.” Six of the original 12 are still in our group.

Before the Internet arrived, we all drafted together in one room, usually at Tutor & Spunky’s. Now, some choose to draft online remotely, using the CBS Fantasy Sports website.

For those of us who still draft together in person, we have fun being together, although we draft online, but in the same room.

One of our league members, Jason Gross, whom I’ve known for 20+ years, asked, “Are you still writing those middle-aged dating articles?”

I said, “Yes. I’m at about 5,000 articles in 30 years, but it’s not about middle-aged dating anymore. I now call it senior dating.”

Jason said, “How do you come up with fresh material?”

I replied, “As we age, more and more people become single, be it through divorce, or the passing of a partner. Or they are single because they haven’t met ‘their’ person yet. They seek information to help them find a mate and their numbers keep growing.

“I can keep my topics fresh because of my eNewsletters. My readers are called Champs and they always send in information I can use as topics. They ask questions and share dating experiences—some are success stories and some are simply their frustrations with senior dating.

Jason Gross said, “It’s important for seniors who have been afraid to start dating again and those who may be lonely or want to make new associations, to get off the couch and socially interact with people.”

I said, “It doesn’t have to be with only single members of the opposite sex. Married friends and family members can help people ease loneliness.”

Jason and I gave each other a high-five. It was time for our football draft to begin so I accessed the pages of football research notes I had generated over the recent weeks and placed them on the table for easy access. Making sense of the online football draft was more confusing and time-consuming than senior online dating.

That discussion with Jason at the fantasy football draft made me realize that senior dating is a topic that will never grow old. Perhaps it’s time to focus on writing about it for 10 more years. The title might become, “Senior dating in our 80s.”

Egad, when that first column was written in 1994, I had no idea how many more there would be. Had someone said “5,000,” I would have probably put the pencils and paper away and retired from journalism right then and there.

So Champs, please continue sending in your comments and questions, we need to keep the senior dating information current. And you are the reason this fantasy dating column can continue.

By the way, my first pick in the draft was Buffalo Bills quarterback Josh Allen. My fantasy is he will score at least a couple of TDs this weekend.

Senior seeks dating advice at Dana Point deli

Customer service: a senior seeks dating advice at Dana Point’s Tutor & Spunky’s deli

By columnist Tom Blake

When I owned Tutor & Spunky’s Deli on Coast Highway, in Dana Point, California, for 25 years, it became a meeting and gathering place for older singles. One reason that happened was the deli sponsored a “Meet and Greet for singles age 50+” one night each month.

I know of at least 20 couples who met at those events and it pleases me to know many of them remain together years later.

I sold the deli four years ago to Jim and Shelley Mouzakis, who have continued operating it as a popular, locals, place to eat.

Tutor and Spunky’s Deli has won the “People’s Choice Golden Lantern Award” for “Best Sandwich” in the Dana Point Times’ Best of Dana Point Magazine 10 years in a row, including 2019.

I believe one of the key reasons for winning the Golden Lantern award is that employees Teresa (30 years), Debbie (20 years) and Sandy (17 years) are still working there. They were among my favorite and most loyal employees.

Great employees Teresa and Debbie — Teresa and Debbie at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, California in 2004

Last week, I received a text from Debbie. She wrote: “A man by the name of Ray asked about the age 50+ singles group that you and Greta hosted here at the deli before you retired. He asked if any of the singles from that group still come here.

“He wanted your telephone number to find out information about other singles’ groups that meet in south Orange County. Here is his phone number,” (which Debbie provided).

I texted Debbie, “Thanks, Deb, you have always been so thoughtful and considerate of customers, always helping them. How old do you think Ray is?”

Always being the diplomat, Debbie responded, “He is older–guessing late 70s, maybe 80. He seemed very eager to find a new lady friend. He took his girlfriend of 13 years to a community center Valentine’s Day party, but something happened, she is no longer his girlfriend.

“He was looking for a place where older singles hang out and knew you could help him. He will be happy to hear from you.”

Thinking that Ray must be very sad, or, he can’t cope being alone–after all, it was just five days since Valentine’s Day—I phoned him and left a message that I’d be happy to talk to him. I feel bad when older couples lose a mate and one or both are desperate to immediately meet someone new.

I was prepared to tell Ray to take a deep breath, think about what happened, and not be so eager to rush out and replace his girlfriend. Also, that there is no place of which I’m aware in south Orange County–or anywhere for that matter–where older men go to hang out to meet older women close to their age. Places like that don’t exist.

Ray called me back on Friday, February 22, leaving this message:

“The reason I called you: I was a single. My woman-friend and I broke up after Valentine’s Day. I was looking for a place where older singles hang out and knew you could help me.

“But, she and I are attached again. That’s just how it is with women: one day it’s one way; the next day it’s another.

“We are happy now, but if it happens again, I will call you. Thank you.”

Some older men can’t handle being alone, not even for a few days. They rush into a new romance, and after a while, realize they weren’t prepared mentally for a new relationship. The result: they often end up breaking the new woman’s heart. Not good.

I didn’t find out what transpired in Ray’s case—why they broke up or why they got back together—he didn’t say.

I notified Debbie that Ray was already back with his girlfriend.

Debbie’s reply: “How funny. Oh well, we gave him the best customer service we could provide. I wish him success.”

Perhaps, in 2020, the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times, and The Capistrano Dispatch “Best Of” Magazines will add a new awards category: Best restaurant to dispense senior dating advice.

A version of this article appeared March 1, 2019 in

and the February 28, 2019, San Clemente Times

http://www.sanclementetimes.com/life-love-50-senior-seeks-dating-advice-dana-point-deli/ San Clemente Times