Tutor and Spunky’s Deli – Page 2 – On Life and Love after 50

Senior seeks dating advice at Dana Point deli

Customer service: a senior seeks dating advice at Dana Point’s Tutor & Spunky’s deli

By columnist Tom Blake

When I owned Tutor & Spunky’s Deli on Coast Highway, in Dana Point, California, for 25 years, it became a meeting and gathering place for older singles. One reason that happened was the deli sponsored a “Meet and Greet for singles age 50+” one night each month.

I know of at least 20 couples who met at those events and it pleases me to know many of them remain together years later.

I sold the deli four years ago to Jim and Shelley Mouzakis, who have continued operating it as a popular, locals, place to eat.

Tutor and Spunky’s Deli has won the “People’s Choice Golden Lantern Award” for “Best Sandwich” in the Dana Point Times’ Best of Dana Point Magazine 10 years in a row, including 2019.

I believe one of the key reasons for winning the Golden Lantern award is that employees Teresa (30 years), Debbie (20 years) and Sandy (17 years) are still working there. They were among my favorite and most loyal employees.

Great employees Teresa and Debbie — Teresa and Debbie at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, California in 2004

Last week, I received a text from Debbie. She wrote: “A man by the name of Ray asked about the age 50+ singles group that you and Greta hosted here at the deli before you retired. He asked if any of the singles from that group still come here.

“He wanted your telephone number to find out information about other singles’ groups that meet in south Orange County. Here is his phone number,” (which Debbie provided).

I texted Debbie, “Thanks, Deb, you have always been so thoughtful and considerate of customers, always helping them. How old do you think Ray is?”

Always being the diplomat, Debbie responded, “He is older–guessing late 70s, maybe 80. He seemed very eager to find a new lady friend. He took his girlfriend of 13 years to a community center Valentine’s Day party, but something happened, she is no longer his girlfriend.

“He was looking for a place where older singles hang out and knew you could help him. He will be happy to hear from you.”

Thinking that Ray must be very sad, or, he can’t cope being alone–after all, it was just five days since Valentine’s Day—I phoned him and left a message that I’d be happy to talk to him. I feel bad when older couples lose a mate and one or both are desperate to immediately meet someone new.

I was prepared to tell Ray to take a deep breath, think about what happened, and not be so eager to rush out and replace his girlfriend. Also, that there is no place of which I’m aware in south Orange County–or anywhere for that matter–where older men go to hang out to meet older women close to their age. Places like that don’t exist.

Ray called me back on Friday, February 22, leaving this message:

“The reason I called you: I was a single. My woman-friend and I broke up after Valentine’s Day. I was looking for a place where older singles hang out and knew you could help me.

“But, she and I are attached again. That’s just how it is with women: one day it’s one way; the next day it’s another.

“We are happy now, but if it happens again, I will call you. Thank you.”

Some older men can’t handle being alone, not even for a few days. They rush into a new romance, and after a while, realize they weren’t prepared mentally for a new relationship. The result: they often end up breaking the new woman’s heart. Not good.

I didn’t find out what transpired in Ray’s case—why they broke up or why they got back together—he didn’t say.

I notified Debbie that Ray was already back with his girlfriend.

Debbie’s reply: “How funny. Oh well, we gave him the best customer service we could provide. I wish him success.”

Perhaps, in 2020, the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times, and The Capistrano Dispatch “Best Of” Magazines will add a new awards category: Best restaurant to dispense senior dating advice.

A version of this article appeared March 1, 2019 in

and the February 28, 2019, San Clemente Times

http://www.sanclementetimes.com/life-love-50-senior-seeks-dating-advice-dana-point-deli/ San Clemente Times

The McStay Family Deserves Closure

The McStay Family Deserves Closure

by Columnist Tom Blake – Orange County California

“On Life and Love after 50” e-Newsletter – January 11, 2019

In 1986, I met Susan McStay in Texas while on a business trip. A long-distance relationship between Dallas and San Rafael, California, where I lived, began.

She had two teenage boys: Mikey, who lived with her, and Joey, who lived with his stepdad in Houston. I called her Spunky, because that’s what she was.

About a year later, Susan and Mikey moved to San Rafael to live with me. I had not met Joey McStay. A few months later, Joey and Susan were talking on the phone. I got on the line, and said to Joey, “Someday, I hope to meet you,” having no idea when that would be.

Less than 24 hours later, Joey McStay called his mom. “I’m at San Francisco Airport, can you pick me up?” He had come to California without notice, entirely on his own. We now had a family of four.

Susan didn’t like living in Marin County; she felt people there weren’t as friendly as in Texas. Her boys wanted to live in “So-Cal,” where they could surf. I was ready for a location change as well.

In my business travels, I checked out Orange County, California. One day, I found a new home in Laguna Niguel, and decided to buy it. I called Susan and said: “Pack your bags. I bought a home a mile from the ocean. I’m putting the San Rafael home on the market.”

We moved our belongings in a U-Haul truck, with Joey and Susan following behind, driving a car. A few weeks later, Susan and I married at the Courthouse in Santa Ana.

Joey and Mikey graduated from Dana Hills High School. In 1988, I opened Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point. Mikey worked there briefly. Joey part-timed at Costco.

We moved again, this time to Monarch Beach, even closer to the ocean so the boys could walk to Salt Creek Beach to surf. In 1994, Susan and I divorced. She was close to her boys. She once said to me, “Blood is thicker than water.” She and the boys moved to San Clemente.

In 1998, I met Greta. In 2001, I leased my Dana Point home and moved to San Clemente to live with Greta. From time to time, I’d see one or more of the McStays around town. I recall Greta and I seeing Joey and his family at Sonny’s Pizza.

On February 4, 2010, Joey, his wife Summer McStay, and their sons Gianni McStay, age 4, and Joseph Jr McStay, age 3, went missing from their Fallbrook, California home. Five days later, their car was found in a parking lot adjacent to the Mexican border, giving an impression that their disappearance may have been voluntary. People and authorities were baffled; I sure was. That wasn’t the Joey that I had helped raise, albeit for just five years.

Things didn’t sort. Food had been left on the table, their beloved dogs were left outside with no food or water, and there was $80,000 in a bank account. Their situation received national news coverage: People Magazine, Dateline, you name it.

I recall naively thinking perhaps Joey would call me one day and say, “Hey Tom, can you come down to the border to pick us up? We want to come home.”

The mystery of the family’s whereabouts lasted nearly four years. On November 11, 2013, an off-road motorcyclist noticed human bones in the desert near Victorville, California, and notified authorities. The four McStay bodies were found buried in two graves.

Michael called me: “They’re all gone,” he said. It was surreal. I couldn’t grasp it.

A year later, on November 5, 2014, Chase Merritt, a business partner of Joey’s, was arrested on suspicion of murdering the family.

On Saturday, January 5, 2019, I received a phone call from Mikey. We hadn’t talked in a year. We chatted for 40 minutes. He told me the trial was finally beginning on Monday, January 7 and early on, he and Susan would both be called to testify.

Other than that, he could not or did not want to discuss the trial, which I understood. He said the ordeal had been tough on Susan. I think he wanted to talk to someone who knew Joey well, such as his former step dad. Mikey and I have always had a nice relationship.

Mikey said he and his new wife Gaylan McStay live in the North Beach area of San Clemente, near the McStay Memorial Bench, which is on a bluff overlooking the ocean. I was pleased he called.

On Wednesday, January 9, 2019, I took this picture of the McStay Memorial Bench.

McStay Memorial Bench in San Clemente California – Photo by Tom Blake

And now, the McStay family case is back in the news. I’ve heard it mentioned on KNX radio and KFI (San Diego). I’ve read about it in the LA Times and it’s even on YouTube. I’ve seen it on the evening news. Each time I hear about it, it’s like a bad dream.

I keep thinking, “This can’t be the same Joey McStay who called 24 years ago from the San Francisco Airport to have us pick him up, so he could come live with us.”

But it is. And now, we can only wait to see how the trial turns out. There are so many unanswered questions about the McStay Family. Mikey, Susan and Summer’s family deserve closure. They’ve waited nine years.

Photo of Summer, the boys, and Joey. Still impossible to believe it’s for real.
Photo credit: Personal McStay Family photo

Never say, “I will never remarry.”

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 27, 2018

Tom’s friend Alex, age 62, said, “I will never remarry.”

Granted, Alex said those words 20 years ago. And he was adamant about it. Last week-end, he ate cake. Wedding cake that is.

Background for today’s story:

In the summer of 1988, while surfing at Doheny Beach, in Dana Point, California, I met a guy named Alex Rentziperis.

Between waves, as we chatted, I asked, “What kind of work do you do?”

Alex said, “I’m a barber. In a few months, I’m going to open my own barber shop not too far from here in Dana Point. Right up there,” he said, as he pointed in a northernly direction. “How about you?”

I said, “I going to open my own deli, not too far from here in Dana Point. Right up there,” as I pointed in the same direction as Alex had.

That was the start of a friendship that has lasted for 30 years. Later that year, Alex opened the Sports Barber Dana Point, at the corner of Del Prado and Golden Lantern, above where the Still Water restaurant is located now.

In December, 1988, I opened Tutor and Spunky’s Deli on Pacific Coast Highway, next to the Dana Point Donut Shop, across from Rubens Imports, the Mercedes Benz dealer. Our businesses were a half mile from each other.

During the next 30 years, we’ve done a lot together. Most notably, after my divorce in 1994, and after putting up with some unsavory roommates, I finally was going to get to live alone in my Monarch Beach home. That was before the phone rang. It was Alex, calling from his San Juan Capistrano home.

“Toot,” ( the nickname he had given me) he said, “She threw me out. I’m getting a divorce. Got a spare bedroom for a short time?”

So, Alex moved in. Turned out to be for about a year. He often repeated vehemently that he would never marry again.

We took many camping trips to the Sierras together. I can still picture him standing on a huge rock, trying to master fly fishing, casting into the icy waters of Lake Mary. He got a little too far forward on one cast and did a belly flop right into the lake. I told him he’d never make the Olympic team as a diver.

Alex’s passion is ocean fishing. He has a boat and is out on the water once or twice a week. He taught me how to catch sea bass near the kelp beds. He’s been on the cover of Western Outdoor News, the largest weekly fishing and hunting magazine in the country.

Four years ago, Alex attended an age 55+ singles meet and greet event at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli. Alex’s sister, Faye Dalton, encouraged a recently divorced client of hers named Carolyn Young, to attend the same event to meet her brother. I remember that night. Carolyn and Alex seemed enamored with each other. He walked her to her car. They’ve been a couple ever since. Ah, senior dating that has been successful.

This past Saturday, with many members of Alex’s big Greek family and members of Carolyn’s family in attendance, Alex and Carolyn were married in the backyard of Faye and Doug Dalton’s San Clemente home. Mark Rentziperis, Alex’s brother, was the best man.

You know it’s a Greek wedding when there are six bottles of Greek salad dressing on the kitchen counter (photo by Tom Blake)

Tom, Carolyn (the bride), Greta, Alex (the groom who said he would never remarry)
(photo by Tom Blake)
Christine DiGiacomo, a San Clemente resident, whose business card reads “Pastor Woman…for such a time as this,” ( http://www.pastorwoman.com), married Alex and Carolyn. Christine and Carolyn have known each other for years. I heard many of the guests compliment Christine on the beautiful, unique ceremony she performed. Christine is a non-denominational minister.

She began the ceremony by reading from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, which is also referred to as “Turn, Turn, Turn.” That seemed to resonate with the guests, who ranged in age from young flower girls to older dudes like me, perhaps because of the “Turn! Turn! Turn! (To everything there is a season) song written by Pete Seeger and made popular by the Byrds, in 1965. The song’s words are almost identical to the biblical words.

To conclude the ceremony, Pastor DiGiacomo added an unusual touch: Instead of the traditional “You may kiss the bride,” she turned to her friend Carolyn and said, “You may kiss your new husband.” Very cool.

My partner Greta said, “This is the finest wedding I’ve ever attended.”

Carolyn and Alex after ceremony

Alex still owns and works at the Sports Barber. Carolyn works at a local bank. They live in Dana Point. Good to see an age 55-plus wedding so hip and fun, and yet with so many millennials in attendance.

Goes to show. Even though you’re over age 55, you never know when or where love might come along; it might even happen at a singles function at your local deli.

Link to Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKP4cfU28vM