On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 3, 2024
By Tom Blake Senior Dating Expert
Senior Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs) can work but…
Last week’s eNewsletter featured Gerry, The Golden Bachelor (72), and Theresa (70), the woman he selected to become his wife. They married on January 4, 2024, on live TV.
Three months later, on Good Morning America, they announced they were getting a divorce. Why? They said they couldn’t adjust to being in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Gerry lives in Indiana; Theresa lives in New Jersey; neither wanted to relocate.
One wonders if during the hoopla and excitement of being on national TV, did either person consider how living 1,000 miles apart might affect their marriage? Apparently not.
I thought my article was possibly a yawner. However, several Champs responded favorably. The first comment I received was from Champ Pam, who wrote, “It made me laugh out loud! I thought it was very clever and one of THE BEST you have ever written! It’s a ’10.’” Pam’s words got my Friday headed in the right direction.
What surprised me was the number of responses about the pluses and minuses of senior LDRs. Many seniors are either currently online dating or considering online dating and they realize an LDR might result from online dating.
Champ Andrea wrote, “I lost my husband of 30 years this past October. We had a great marriage and of course, I miss him every day.
“However, at 74, I’m ready to look for my next ‘chapter.’ I have read your blogs regarding catfishing. I live in an age 55+ community (Laguna Woods, Orange County, Calif.) and while there are some single men there, most of the eligible ones are on the ‘needy’ side!”
“What do you think about online dating sites? Any recommendations would be appreciated.”
Andrea realizes that when two people connect via online dating, and a relationship evolves, it usually starts as an LDR.
My question: In the 60-to-80+ age range, can an LDR work? Senior Long-Distance Relationships challenges:
A major consideration is the distance in either time or miles between each other. My rule of thumb is if more than a half-hour drive or 20 miles, it’s too far for me.
And what if one or both don’t drive? Or, if one or both don’t drive at night? One wise Champ said, “There’s always Uber, Lyft, or a new service called Yellow Taxi, so those obstacles can be overcome.”
I reminded her that the roundtrip cost can be prohibitive. In 2023, I took an Uber from my Dana Point home to Laguna Woods, 13.4 miles, and then back. The cost was $52 plus tip.
And what if the new couple wants to be together regularly? Who is going to relocate? That was the downfall of Gerry and Theresa. Neither one of them!
Don’t get me wrong. Some LDRs can and have worked. Take Champ Larry, who currently lives in Florida. He shared his LDR stories after reading last week’s column.
Larry mentioned that 46 years ago, he went to Boston with a buddy who fixed Larry up on a blind date. Larry was smitten with her.
Shortly after they met, he moved to NYC from Chicago. He said, “When I was in New York, I invited her to drive from Boston. The rest was history.”
He added, “We started an LDR as my first job out of graduate school was in Pierre, South Dakota, working in the office of a newly elected Governor, and then later I was recruited to work in the Illinois Governor’s office in Springfield, Illinois. She and I got together bimonthly until I asked her to marry me.
“We married in Boston and 45 years later she died of cancer in our Grand Haven, Michigan, home in hospice care. She was my wife; lover; mother of my children, and best friend and cheerleader for my political profession.”
Would Larry and his wife be able to get together now that he’s in his mid-70s, vs. 46 years ago? Probably not, just too far away.
However, recently he took another chance with another LDR. His children urged him to go online. He did. He said, “I met Liz who lived only four miles away, but it could have been 100. Driving back and forth in traffic, keeping clothing at two locations, meals, and children visiting from out of town are just some of the issues seniors face in even a short-mileage LDR.”
I might add another item to Larry’s list. What happens if the senior who drives forgets his or her meds and absolutely must have them that night? Egad, does that mean going back home and then returning? Or just going home that night and not returning that night? Meds are easy to forget; I’m speaking from experience. Oh my, the challenges of senior dating.
Larry continued, “Liz moved in with me after nearly two years of LDR dating. Now, we are learning a lot about each other and this ‘experiment continues’ with both sets of eyes wide open.
“LDRs for seniors today are even more difficult whether miles away or close.”
(In the small world department, when I first met Larry a few years ago, he mentioned he was going to Grand Haven, Michigan, for the summer. I said to him: “My mom grew up there.” He said, “What was her name?”
I said, “Frances Pardee.” He said, “A man named George Pardee gave me my first job in Grand Haven.” I was dumbfounded.
I said, “George Pardee was my mom’s brother, my uncle.” Larry was equally surprised. Years later, Larry became the city manager of Grand Haven.)
Back to Senior LDRs
Champ Jim also commented about senior LDRs, “It’s too hard to adjust to a new environment or to travel back and forth for a relationship. And what happens if you have a dog or a cat that you leave at home, as I do? Are you going to leave your animal alone for six hours or overnight? That wouldn’t be right.
“And how about the person you’re going to visit? He or she might also have an animal that might not mix well with your pet or might not like you. This is another challenge of senior dating.”
However, Jim admits he is open to traveling a few extra miles for the right woman.
So, when senior dating, and you meet a person who lives x miles away, be prepared to have the LDR discussion–the who, what, when, and how will the LDR challenges be overcome.
On Life and Love after 50 