Tag: The Sands of Time

Senior dating chemistry and physical attraction

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

 June 9, 2023

By Columnist Tom Blake

Is Senior Dating Chemistry The Most Important Relationship Need?

Today’s eNewsletter includes a variety of topics. For sure, senior dating and relationships are not dull or boring.

We begin today’s eNewsletter with an email from Champ Dave Southworth. Dave has the longest tenure of any Champ. He’s been with me for more than 20 years.

In 2002, he wrote a poem that remains on my website called “The Sands of Time.” It’s about him losing his beloved Franny and is touching to read. The link to Dave’s poem is listed at the end of today’s eNewsletter. Dave lives in Michigan.

This week, Dave emailed, “Reading the Friday, June 2, 2023, eNewsletter, the subject, tolerable age difference between lovers seemed to be perceived by some as folly. Nonsense.

“Age is important however age is 7th on my list of important characteristics in a potential mate. My wife Franny was 11 years younger than I was. Franny and I were such a perfect partnership. She is a part of who and what I am and will ever be!  

“Tom, you, and I have been friends for 20+ years. I hope life continues to be all you desire it to be!

“Could you ask the Champs for their list of partner/lover attributes in priority order? I would be very interested in their responses.”

Tom’s comment to Dave: “Regarding asking Champs their priority order in seeking a mate, we get a few answers in today’s eNewsletter. Plus, we’ll ask again near the end of the article.

Joyce, “I believe being close in age is important because we have more in common with our own generation. A generation however has a sizable age span.

“Whatever the age of a man, I would still be comfortable with and enjoy his good health and sense of humor. 

“Social economic equality is not as important as long as one member of a couple doesn’t take advantage of the other member and the difference isn’t a whole lot. 

“I believe chemistry and common interests and friendship win over everything else. You can be in love, but if you’re not friends and playmates, that love can disappear.”

Bob, “Your column is very thought-provoking and I really enjoy it. While I am an extremely happily married man, your own experiences have made me think about ‘What if?”

“If something happened to my wife Brenda, I think it would be years, if ever, that I would yearn for another partner. That doesn’t mean I would be sitting at home as I am lucky to have many friends. I would not have a goal of meeting another partner.

“If single again, if I were to meet someone, it would be to have a friend who had like interests. In my lifetime, physical attraction certainly plays a part, However, I have always thought that someone who has the same interests and a style that is attractive can make a person more physically attractive to me. The bottom line, physical attraction is not the number one factor for me.

“Most of your personal emphasis seems to be on immediate physical attraction. Then your evaluation seems to move to checking the boxes to your preferences. Are you targeting your search with physical attraction at the top of your list? 

“You are articulate; I enjoy your Friday newsletters. Stay well and healthy!”

Response to Bob: “For me, if physical attraction (the electricity between a man and a woman) isn’t present when first meeting, I don’t think it will grow. I could be wrong. Some people do feel it will grow in due time if other positive characteristics are present.

“Does having that immediate attraction mean hopping in the sack the first few nights together? Absolutely not! It’s just nice to know it’s present and it enhances the anticipation of seeing the person on date number two and beyond.

“Does having physical attraction mean turning my back on qualities that are deal breakers on my list? For example, strong political beliefs on the other side of the fence. Living far, far away? Is mean to animals? Is inconsiderate to minorities or older people. Or someone who abuses alcohol or drugs? Or who is financially irresponsible? HECK NO

“Years and years ago (the mid-1990s), after divorce number three, I had a date with a beautiful woman. Attraction? For sure. But she was so obnoxious to people and selfish, etc., I bailed out. I wrote a column titled, “But she was beautiful.” The gist of the column: Just because someone is beautiful, don’t let the wrong brain do your thinking for you.”

Goosebumps and Appreciation

Tom Marshall and I are both columnists for the San Clemente Times. His wife Dominque and Greta were great friends. A few days ago, he sent me an email with this subject line: “Guess what we (Tom and Dominique) saw at the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville a couple of weeks ago?” The email included the banner photograph (above) that Tom and Dominique had taken.

My response: “Your email gave me goosebumps. That’s the Destination Victoria Station album I ‘co-produced’ with Johnny. Co-produced meant that I was in the House of Cash recording studio in Hendersonville, Tenn. and my job was to approve each song that would be included on the album.

I was seated in the seats out front in the studio and Johnny was in the mixing room behind the glass. His producer would play a song. When each song finished, Johnny would say over the speaker, ‘How about that one, Tom?’

My response was pretty much, “For sure, John, great song.”

“That day, when I rejected two songs that he proposed, he said to me via the speaker behind the glass, ‘Son, you’re being hard on me today!’ Then, he laughed.

“My initials are on the album spine (small but legible). I still have two albums at home. One is autographed by Johnny and the other album is still inside the sealed cover and has never been opened. They are treasures I am holding on to.’

Fifty Shades of Bullshit

When an email arrived in my inbox from Fifty Shades of Bullshit, I was skeptical. Well, it was from a woman Named Christine Lalonde, who hosts a Podcast under that name. She asked if I’d be on her podcast.

A week later, last Thursday, I was interviewed for about 40 minutes on the show, discussing senior dating. I thought it turned out well. If you’d like to see it, the link is below. Be sure you click on the video so that you see it and hear it.

Let me say this, Christine talks for about five and a half minutes before getting to me. So fast forward the YouTube video to about the 5-minute mark when first signing on. Here’s the link:

https://www.facebook.com/events/967283841114910/?ref=newsfeed

Small World

Last week, I was walking in the frozen food section of Costco in Dana Point. A woman who walked alongside of me looked at me and I looked at her. We recognized each other. She’s a Champ. Her name is Jackie Hammond and she lives in Georgia.

Jackie and I met at my deli about six years ago when I was hosting one of those age 50+ singles events. She occasionally checks in by email. This time, she was in Dana Point visiting her sister. Small world. She took a picture of us (see below).

So that’s it for this week, Champs. I’ll admit this newsletter was a bit all over the place. I hope you enjoyed it.

I like Dave Southworth’s suggestion for a future column that he mentioned at the top of today’s article.

Dave said, “Could you ask the Champs for their list of partner/lover attributes in priority order? I would be very interested in their responses.”

Please send me your top 10 attributes you seek or sought in a partner in the order of importance.

Here is the link to Dave Southworth’s poem, “The Sands of Time.”

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/widower-poem-by-david-southworth

Senior dating: 10 tips for men

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter –  March 12, 2021

by Columnist Tom Blake

                        Senior dating: 10 tips for men

(this eNewsletter has been slightly edited for length and clarity)

David Southworth, a Michigan widower, has been a Champ for at least 20 years. A poem David wrote, called  “The Sands of Time,” is on the Finding Love After 50 website (link provided below). It’s a heart-grabber.

David has often contributed to this eNewsletter, and he is doing so again today. He’s puzzled why some senior men have difficulty meeting women, and is suggesting five places men might visit to improve their chances of meeting a mate. As the pandemic eases, people will be more safely getting out and about more, making today’s 10 suggestions easier to implement. 

(1) Restaurants – David said, “I met my late wife in a restaurant where neither of us had ever eaten.” The point Dave is making is that when men (and women) get out of the house and go places, including new places where they’ve never been, they improve their chances of meeting someone interesting.

(2) Flower and plant nurseries. David added, “One spring, I visited a large flower nursery with hundreds of flowers, plants, herbs, vegetables, and garden decorations for my English gardens. To my surprise, there were very few men shopping there.

“I encountered and talked with approximately 30 different women. We talked about the variety of flowers available, a gardening club I belong to, planting new flowers, building a new garden and herb garden, and cooking preferences of home-grown vegetables.”

Tom’s thought: Remember the old line that men used when trying to get women to come to their homes: “Would you like to see my etchings?” Well, this methodology could be applied here, “Would you like to see my garden?”

(3) Bookstores (yes, they still exist, but are fading away). David said, “When I stopped at a Barnes and Noble to review new books by my favorite authors, I was the only man there. However, there were many women present.”

Note from Tom: Going to other stores or places where mainly women shop, such as Bed Bath & Beyond, might work as well. 

(4) Antique stores. David wrote, “While shopping in an antique store, I was the only man present with numerous women shopping. I have been collecting 1840 to 1880 antiques since I was in my 20s.

(5) Antique shows. David said, “Next was an antique show with more than 100 antique dealers, again a majority of those shopping were women.”

Tom’s comment: I know what you may be thinking about items four and five above, and you are right. The man says to the woman: “Would you like to see my antique collection?”

David concluded by saying, “The theme here today is quite simple. Men, think outside the box. Open your eyes, open your heart…women are everywhere; they are right in front of you. They have been there all this time!”

I’d like to add five other suggestions that might improve a senior man’s chances of meeting women.

(6) Wear a baseball cap with a conversation-starter logo on the front. In early January, we featured Heather and Reuben who met because he was wearing a University of Michigan block M on his hat. It’s like a free, conversation-starter,  billboard. Heather and Reuben now live together.

To illustrate different locations for conversation-starting logos, I posed for this picture showing “M” logos on a hat, mask, shirt, and even the shoes. I said to Greta, “Wow if I went out dressed like this wearing all these logos, think of the conversations women would start with me.” She said, “Go for it. You’d look really silly!”

(7) Get a dog. This week, a company called Honest Paws emailed a press release that stated, “70% of singles believe having a dog in their dating profile helps them get more matches on dating apps. The top five breeds that singles most love to see in a dating profile are German Shepherds, Pitbulls, Huskies, Labradors, and Golden Retrievers.” Of course, walking a dog often draws positive comments from strangers.

Tom’s comment: Owning a dog is a big responsibility. So, don’t get one only because it might attract more women, be sure you understand the other responsibilities of owning a dog. A guy told me his Labradoodle is a chick-magnet.

(8) Visit a dog park.  Of course, this only applies if you take action on item number 7 above. Don’t go there without a dog just to try to meet women. You’d come off as desperate. 

(9) Become a dance host on a cruise ship. That’s what our Champ Chris did after a divorce. He met the love of his Tina, a woman from England, who 14 years later became his wife. I have an updated story about them planned for the near future.

Oh, one word about dance hosting. Hosts are not allowed to date passengers while on a cruise. But, once the cruise ends, of course, it’s okay to date a woman a host met on the cruise, so the host must be a bit patient. Solution after a dance together: “Here’s my contact card, email me when you get home from your trip.”

(10) Move to Sarasota. Of course, I’m only joking. We wrote three recent columns involving Sarasota, thoroughly exhausting that topic. One woman said, “I can’t live in Florida; I live in Pa.” Okay, enough said.

So there you have it. Ten suggestions to help senior single men meet women.  As Champ David said, nice women, are everywhere.

Today’s topic reminded me of a 1954 song by Bill Haley and The Comets, titled, “Thirteen Women (and Only One Man in Town).” The song was the flip side of “Rock Around The Clock,” which in my opinion, was the song that launched rock and roll.

Here’s the Link to Thirteen Women (and Only One Man in Town)

Link to David Southworth’s poem, “The Sands of Time.”

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/widower-poem-by-david-southworth

5 Incredible Men Champs

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 4, 2019
by Columnist Tom Blake
Our Incredible Men Champs
For our first “On Life and Love After 50” e-Newsletter of 2019, we feature five of our men Champs. 
David Southworth lives five miles north of Clare, Michigan, has been a Champ for more than 10 years. He emailed:

“For me, this Christmas was the best Christmas in 17 years. However, one of my Christmas gifts was delivered by my new Internal doctor and I quote, “The results of your blood test tells me you have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL), albeit minor, early stages. CLL usually grows slowly…you should outgrow it.

“I advised the doctor I had been planning to live to 103. God and I have taken charge.

“In October, I started story boarding a book I have wanted to write for several years, tied into my book, “A Lifetime In Seven Years.” The title of my new book is “A Journey To Me.”

“Now I have several new chapters to write for my book.

“I cherish our friendship and your endless counsel. Let’s make 2019 the best year possible.”

Tom’s Comment: I asked David for permission to use his very personal information. He responded:

“I talked with my children, several grandchildren and, my significant lady. They all agreed if it would provide a more meaningful impact to use my name, we all agreed the information and subject of CLL is so important.

“If it helps just one ‘On Love and Love after 50’ eNewsletter Champ, it would be OK to provide the CLL process, progress, and treatment status.

“I met Marjorie through friends. She is 70 years old, widowed with 4 children, lots of grandchildren. She is a thoughtful, giving, loving woman. She is an antique nut like me. She is always happy and laughing.”

Note from Tom: Dave’s poem, The Sands of Time, is on the Finding Love After 50 website:

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/widower-poem-by-david-southworth

Larry Leach, Ann Arbor, Michigan – Larry and I graduated from Jackson High School,

Jackson, Michigan. He graduated two years ahead of me, in my brother’s class. I didn’t know him well, other than he was a heck of a golfer. Later, he won a varsity letter at UM for golf. He is one of the most avid University of Michigan sports fans on earth.

Here is a photo of Tom, Larry and Greta at a Michigan tailgate party in 2017.


Tom, Larry Leach, and Greta at a UM tailgate party before Air Force Academy game in 2017 

Larry emailed: “My hat is off to Champs, Chris and Tina, whom you mentioned last week, for their trip to Africa. With love all things are possible.

“I have three friends who are about 94.  One goes to UM basketball and football games and acts like an 18-year-old.  Another has been to Paris, Las Vegas, Chicago and much more this year. The third is a real live-wire now in Scottsdale, Arizona.  If they can do it, the two champs (Chris and Tina) you mentioned have many more trips in store for them.

“Congratulations to them and to you for your super thinking that goes into your weekly newsletter. I know it is Friday morning when I see an email from Tom Blake.”

MARK FLANNERY – Fullerton, California

You will recall that three weeks ago Greta and I visited Mark’s parents’ grave sites in Pago Pago, American Samoa. He had never been to the cemetery, and I had only met Mark and Donna, his significant other, once in Tutor and Spunky’s deli years ago.

On New Year’s Eve. Mark and Donna, came to Dana Point and spent time with Greta and me. They met on Match.com. Donna still teaches.


Front: Mark and Donna. Back: Tom and Greta at Harpoon Henry’s in Dana Point on New Year’s Eve

There was one other aspect of our American Samoa story that I hadn’t shared with Mark. When Greta and I arrived at the grave sites, there was a lava rock perched on his father’s grave. I carried it back from Pago Pago and gave it to him Monday.

TED EVERINGHAM, Attorney at law, Grosse Point Park, Michigan

Note from Tom: Ted and I graduated from Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan, in the class of 1957. At our 2017 class reunion, we got to chat face-to-face at dinner.

Ted emailed a story titled: A CHRISTMAS MEMORY:

“My Christmas Eve was cold and snowy in 1960. It was a Saturday evening, and I was working at the local radio station in Albion, Michigan, reading top-of-the-hour newscasts and running the control board for Late Date, a popular weekly radio show targeting teenage listeners.

“The program ran from 10 p.m. until Midnight. The show’s host—a senior at the high school in nearby Marshall named Marcia, chose to close her program that Christmas Eve with a bit of verse. It didn’t rise to the dignity of a ‘poem,’ but it expressed in rhyme an important idea, in simple, homespun language appropriate to the time and place.

“I heard the first line or two through my headset, and then for a reason that I have forgotten (if I ever knew), I turned to look at the host through the glass that separated the control room from the studio where she sat. I discovered, to my surprise, that she was not reading the verse, but reciting it from memory, and she was speaking directly to me through that glass.

“Here is her Christmas wish to me that long-ago evening:

If I could do whate’er I want to do,
To make complete your gladsome Christmas Day,
I would not bring a single thing to you,
But I would come and take some things away:
I’d take away all trouble from your heart,
Each pain and sorrow I would have relieved;
And every pain that caused a single smart,
And every hour through which you sorely grieved.
I’d have them all be gone — forever gone —
Forgotten, like the things that cannot be;
And then each hour would be a joyful one,
For only good things would be left you see.
“Eight months later, the host and I were married, and the rest (59 years) is history. Merry Christmas!”Note from Tom: Ted and Marcia wanted Champs to know that her words to Ted on Christmas Eve 1960 were not written by her. She had seen them and memorized them. Research by them has not revealed the original writer. So, we have to say anonymous. This fact does not lessen the beauty of that moment when Marcia spoke to him through the glass at an Albion, Michigan, radio station in 1960.

John Johnson – Hagerstown, Maryland (80 miles northwest of Washington, D.C.). John commutes about an hour toward Baltimore and works for Northrop Grumman; he has been a Champ for longer than I can remember and has contributed often to newsletters.

On December 23, John posted a wonderful message on the Finding Love After 50 Facebook page. It is too long to include in the newsletter, but the topic is: dragging old baggage into a new, fresh relationship. His words demonstrate that the men in our group are very introspective, warm and giving.

His wrap-up words: “How 2019 plays out is up to you and this is a chance for a new transition within you even when everything else remains the same. Make it a good one and start with an inner smile that flows to your lips to share with others.”

Happy New Year. I feel blessed to have you all as friends.