January 20, 2023, On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter  Tom Tom Blake on Standup Paddle Board Jan 20, 2023, with no one in sight (photo by Linda A)On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter January 27, 2023 Around Dana Point Island By Columnist Tom Blake Before I begin with today’s article, I wanted to apologize that you weren’t able to view or listen to the Podcast that was recorded yesterday. When it becomes available in April or later, I will let you know. I was under the impression that it would be available live, but it wasn’t. Thanks. Around Dana Point Island On New Year’s Day, I saw an article in the online NY Times titled, “The 7-Day Happiness Challenge,” which featured a tip for each day for seven days. I admit that it was a sad day for me missing my Greta so I was eager to read something that might make me happy. (Greta my partner for 25 years passed on October 29, 2022) The articles had a lot of good advice on how people can make their lives happier. One article stated that social fitness is as important to one’s health as physical fitness. It stressed the necessity of social interaction–getting out of the house and interacting with people. It made me realize how important that is for me during my period of grieving. I promised myself to be friendlier with people I didn’t even know. Last Friday was a gorgeous sunny day in Dana Point, California, where I live. The residents here had been bashed by nine powerful rainstorms for a couple of weeks. At about 11 a.m., because there was no wind, I decided to go Standup Paddle Boarding in Dana Point Harbor. A phenomenon called King Tides was beginning. That’s where the tides are extremely high and/or extremely low and can be treacherous. When I launched from Baby Beach to paddle around Dana Point Island, a distance of roughly two miles or more depending on detours and side trips, I noticed I was the only person on the water. I had the whole darn harbor to myself, except for groups of sea lions who were camped on a few docks and barking loudly at each other and whatever else they bark at. By the way, Dana Point Island is the same setting where our January 6 eNewsletter called, “I’m betting on the chair” occurred. You may recall that a woman yelled those words to a man who was wrestling with a blue lawn chair that wouldn’t fold. They became a couple. About a quarter mile into my paddle, I noticed a person paddling a small yellow kayak about 75 yards ahead of me, heading in the same direction as I was heading. Slowly, I was gaining on the kayak even though I wasn’t trying to. When I got alongside the kayak, about 10 yards to the side, a small boat went by us and created a wake, forcing the kayaker and me to turn into the wake. If you take a wake broadside on a paddle board or kayak, it can dump you into the water. The kayaker was a woman, wearing the biggest sunglasses I’d ever seen. I couldn’t guess her age or what she looked like because her face was virtually covered. I said to her, “Did you believe that wake?” She said, “Yes, it was tricky. But what a beautiful day. I’m Lynda, what’s your name?” “Tom.” Remembering the NY Times article about being social, I asked, “Do you kayak often?” She said, “I work. So, I usually only kayak on weekends. Today I have the day off.” “Where do you work?” “In Laguna Beach, at three different veterinarian offices. I love coming here.” “Is that where you live?” I asked. “In South Laguna,” she said, “I moved here from Ohio a year ago.” By then, I could tell by her voice that she was probably considerably younger than me. I said, “Ohio? Oh no. Are you an Ohio State Buckeye fan? I’m originally from Michigan, a Wolverine fan.” She said, “Oh, do you mean that dreaded team up north?” I about fell off my board. That’s how Woody Hayes, Ohio State’s most famous coach, referred to the Michigan football team. I answered, “And yah, I’m Bo Schembechler (Michigan’s most famous coach).” We both laughed. And then she said, “Can I kayak with you around the island? It’s pretty lonely out here with no one to chat with.” “I would love that,” I replied. And that’s what we did. I admired Lynda’s enthusiasm and positive attitude. She said she had a daughter in college back in Ohio. We talked about all kinds of stuff, even about my losing Greta. She said, “Are you still working?” “Yes, I said, “I’m a newspaper columnist.” “What do you write about? She asked. “Dating After 50.” Lynda replied, “Oh wow, I’m almost there.” Her comment didn’t surprise me; I assumed she was in her mid 40s. Our paddling together lasted about an hour. In the parking lot, she removed her sunglasses. I said to myself, “Oh wow, she’s an attractive woman, and way too young for an old dude like me.” I moved my car close to her car. We chatted while securing our boards atop the roof racks. “Can we paddle together again?” Lynda asked. “You are busier than I, so let me know when you will be available,” I said and handed her my Tom Blake Publishing business card. I thought to myself: there’s that darn limited availability issue surfacing again. We gave each other a hug and waved goodbye. A new friendship had been born. Later in the day, Linda texted me the above photo she had taken of me from her yellow kayak and said, “I read some of your articles, pretty touching. It is so nice some of your readers found a new love.” I texted back, asking if she was kayaking that weekend. “I can’t. It’s Lunar New Year. I will be spending quality time with my California family and friends.” I had thought that Lynda looked as if she might be of Asian descent. Her Lunar New Year mention confirmed my thought. And then on Sunday morning, I heard the news about the mass shooting at a dance studio during a Lunar New Year celebration in Monterey Park, a suburb of Los Angeles, and another attempted Lunar New Year shooting in Alhambra. I prayed, “Please God, tell me that Lynda is ok.” I knew I couldn’t handle the loss of a friend, on top of losing Greta. I texted Lynda, writing that because of the shooting, I was worried about her and hoped she was okay. There was no answer–until 12:34 p.m. on Sunday when she sent a photo of the temple where she was with her friends, along with this text, “My friends and I are safe. My daughter in Ohio is good. Thanks for your concern.” I texted, “New friends are precious.” She replied with a heart above the message When we are nice to people we meet, smile, and are friendly, we never know who might enter our life, even in the most unusual of locations. |
Tag: SUP
Younger single senior men
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 8, 2021
by Tom Blake columnist
Responses to “Where Are the single senior men?”
Two weeks ago, the title of the eNewsletter was “Where are the men?” In that article, I quoted Marci, a single woman, age 70, who said: “I live in Orange County. I am retired and would love to meet an available, honest, adventurous man. Where is he?”
Normally, a comment like Marci’s would draw responses from men in their mid-70s and 80s+ who want to contact senior single women younger than they are. So, I was surprised when the first two men to respond were considerably younger than Marci.
One young widower, Capistrano Beach (a part of Dana Point), whom Greta and I have known for years, wrote, “I’m 56 and still single. It’s been tough dating lately thanks to COVID-19. I’m not giving up on women; they used to just fall in my lap without me looking.
“I guess I’m just too picky with the ladies, but I get flirted with a lot when I venture out to get a quick drink and a taste of social interaction. It’s all good because I’m really focused on doing fun stuff with my son, age 20, who is itching to get out there in the world before he moves out and moves on. When that happens, I’m sure I will be online dating. I’m still extremely busy with my work, which is good.”
Tom’s comment: This widower is a terrific person. Since his wife passed away a few years ago, he has devoted his life to raising his son. After his son moves out (and maybe before), I have no doubt that he will meet a fine woman. At 56, he reads our weekly eNewsletter and says he finds it “informative and entertaining.”
Another Tom, San Juan Capistrano, age 61, emailed that he’d like to contact Marci, who is 10 years older than he. I responded to Tom, “You asked for Marci’s email address. Of course, I always ask permission to give out someone’s email before passing it on to strangers. Marci notified me that she’s finally met a man who might even be marriage material. So, she’s out of the ballgame for now.
“However, it’s good to know you are 61 and live in SJC. I will keep my ears open for you. I have one idea of a nice potential mate in Orange County, but I need to check with her first. I will let you know.”
Also, writing this week was Connie who emailed: Hi Tom, I live in Laguna Niguel (Orange County, near Dana Point) and have known about you for ages but have never signed up for your email newsletter. I was at a family member’s house in San Juan Capistrano and saw your article titled ‘Where are the Single Men?’ in The Capistrano Dispatch paper.
“In that article, you mentioned that single women, when exchanging contact info with potential dates, should only give out to strangers a first name (not the last name) and email address, but not the home address.
“Well, my email, like yours, exposes my last name. I hate to manage too many more emails. I also manage another email as chairman of the City of Orange Hearing Loss Association. I’ve worn hearing aids for years and got a Cochlear Implant in one ear two years ago. We have been doing social events and some Zoom meetings. It’s been hard reading lips with people wearing masks, but we are used to finding creative ways to overcome obstacles.
“I have never been on a dating site. I guess I prefer the old-fashioned way. Maybe you can do a Zoom meeting for one of our upcoming meetings. We can title it ‘How to navigate the dating scene with a hearing loss.’ It would be hilarious.
“Thanks for all you do to keep others busy and happy. Amazing work! Like so many others, you never knew where your path was going to lead. I’m finally calling myself retired at 70, whatever that means.”
Tom’s response to Connie: “I didn’t think about women having their last name or first and last name in their email address when meeting new people when dating. I should have just looked at my own email address. I would consider you as a public figure, so you want people to recognize you and what you do, which presents a bit of a dilemma in sharing your last name with strangers.”
“For dating purposes, you could create a third email address but that would be another address with which to deal. If that is too much of a pain, you might decide to reveal your last name but be careful.
“I am impressed that you are chairman of the City of Orange Hearing Loss Association, and you hold social events and zoom meetings. “True, I did not know where my path would lead when 26 years ago, I wrote my first column in 1994. Combining newspaper and email eNewsletters, the total written has reached nearly 4,200. I have added you to the eNewsletter mailing list. I call our members Champs. Why? Because that’s what they are and now that’s what you are.
“Retired at 70, whatever that means? It means you will keep on being active and creative as you keep enriching your life and helping so many others.”
The Oil Spill
I think most of you are aware of the disastrous oil spill of 166,000 gallons this past weekend off the Southern California Coast. Seeing photos of dead sea animals and fish washing ashore is beyond sad. In April 2020, I wrote about witnessing a Standup Paddle Boarder (SUP) named Candice Appleby (considered to be the best woman paddleboarder in the world) rescuing a struggling baby sea lion by putting it on her board and bringing it ashore in Dana Point Harbor.
Candice Appleby with a rescued baby sea lion
She phoned ahead from her paddleboard to the Pacific Marine Mammal Center rescue team, to come to Baby Beach and take the baby seal to its facilities in nearby Laguna Beach. I was so impressed with Candice and the PMMC rescue team that I started contributing to the PMMC charity.
My SUP partner, Russell Kerr and I so love and appreciate those animals that it’s a cause close to our hearts. PMMC has rescued and returned to the ocean thousands of injured aquatic animals and birds over the past 50 years.
So, on the first of this month, when PMMC sent an email thanking me for my ongoing donation, I thought to myself, I need to contribute more because the PMMC is at the center of the rescue during this horrendous environmental tragedy. Even the beaches of Laguna Beach and Newport Beach, where they return healthy animals to the ocean, are closed. Dana Point Harbor is also closed.
I am not soliciting donations, but if you love animals, and can help with a small amount, it will help PMMC fight the damage being done by this oil slick. The PMMC team will be totally overwhelmed trying to save the sick animals. They said an update on Wednesday saying they would welcome some volunteers now. The link to the PMMC website:
https://www.pacificmmc.org
(Photo of the baby seal lion is courtesy of the PMMC.)
5 Things I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Retirement
January 1, 2018
Tom Blake
When I was pondering retirement from Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point, California, deli, the main thing I dreamed about was having “free time.” With it, I could do just nothing, if I wanted, which sounded great after 25 years of making sandwiches.
I pictured the early scene in the movie, “The Graduate,” where Benjamin, who had just graduated from college, was content just floating around in his parents’ swimming pool doing nothing more than soaking up the sun. That would be I.
In January, 2015, I sold the deli. I worked until age 75; I’m glad I did. Obviously, that helped the financial nest egg and kept my body and mind active. No more slicing salami. Freedom!
I learned quickly that I did not want a lot of “free time.” I realized it wasn’t good for me. I’m just not built that way; I realized I must have projects to work on. Every morning I make a to-do list for the day. If I haven’t crossed each item off by day’s end, so be it. But, the list keeps me focused.
Soon, my “free time” became busy time. And from busy time, five lessons learned from retirement evolved.
(1) The most important lesson I’ve learned in retirement is the need to have social interaction with people. If retired people let socializing with others slip away–they might be sitting around the house too much or watching too much mindless TV. When that happens, their retirement will become boring, lonely and non-productive. To be too isolated is not good for one’s health.
A good way to interact with people is by joining groups. Meetup.com lists thousands of groups and activities and should provide plenty of ideas for people not sure what to do to meet others.
This week, my partner Greta hosted her book club of 10 women for dinner. I helped by pouring the wine and serving dessert so Greta could focus on enjoying her guests. Those women had a hoot of a time together. That’s the type of social interaction people need.
And one last thing about social interaction after retirement. Try to mix interacting with younger people into your life—kids, grandkids, great grandkids, for example, or friends younger than yourself can really keep you thinking young. That’s very important.
(2) The second lesson I’ve learned in retirement is the importance of keeping my body moving. It’s a daily priority for me. In Orange County, where we live, we’re fortunate to have the ocean nearby. The ocean can be a great aid and inspiration to keep moving. There’s surfing, kayaking, Stand Up Paddle Boarding, and walking in the harbor or on the beaches. Salt Creek Beach is one of the most beautiful in the world. I can walk there in 30 minutes from our front door, and do often.
A year and a half ago, my nephew Derek, from Dallas, was visiting and would hit the sidewalk walking first thing in the morning. I’d see him push a button on this watch-like thing on his wrist; he called it a Fitbit. “It tracks my exercise,” he said. “It counts the number of steps I take and the flights of stairs I climb. By keeping score of those things, it encourages me to keep moving. I walk almost 100,000 steps a week. You ought to get one.”
I took Derek’s advice. I purchased a Fitbit Charge 2. It has made a world of difference encouraging me to keep moving each day. My goal is 10,000 steps a day. I don’t always reach that goal, but I’m there 4-5 days a week. And I admit that there are nights, when I haven’t quite reached the 10k goal, where I walk around the kitchen and living room enough times to get the goal. It’s a little weird, but, it keeps me moving.
Weather permitting, I do Stand Up Paddle Boarding (SUP) 4-5 times a week with my buddy Russell, a cool Kiwi from New Zealand. One neat thing about the Fitbit: it counts the strokes I take as steps toward the 10K-steps goal. Another positive about SUP: it amazes me how many new people I meet down at the launching beach. Both men and women. So, there is social interaction to the sport as well.
To keep moving, one doesn’t need an ocean nearby, or even a lake. Almost all cities have parks. Not to mention the exercise classes that help keep the body moving and, also provide social interaction at the same time.
In retirement, keeping the body moving daily is an absolute “must-do” in utilizing my “free time.”
(3) The third lesson I’ve learned in retirement is to have a purpose in life. Something with meaning, it doesn’t have to be a huge project. Volunteering and helping others is a great way to fulfill this human need.
Champ Chris Anastasio volunteers at the San Clemente Villas in California.
He plays Santa and the Easter Bunny and dances weekly with the patrons who live there. Chris turned 84 on January 28, 2018. What a Champ he is. This picture was taken a week ago at the Villas Christmas party. That’s one of the ways he finds purpose in his life.
Lots of people use the words, “Giving back.” There are lots of people around me who are way less fortunate than I. They can use a little help. How I help them doesn’t matter-giving of my time, or what little money I can afford, is of help to them.
Here in California, there are people who’ve lost their homes to the fires. There are homeless people sleeping under freeway bridges and in dried river beds. They can use some help. Also, there are animal shelters that need volunteer help.
Having a purpose can simply mean improving oneself. At the book club party, Greta’s daughter, Tina, stopped by. She showed me the Spanish lessons she’s taking on the phone app Duolingo, which is free. That’s something I want to add to my “Have a purpose in life” goal. Just a few words a day and before you know it, “Hola, Como Estas?”
Friends of my partner Greta and me, Ron and Leigh, take Spanish lessons, dance lessons, Tai Chi lessons through senior community centers and a local college. So, there are other things, besides learning a language, that can add meaning and purpose to one’s life (they do them all).
For people still working who are thinking about retirement, I think it’s important to start planning before the big day arrives. Find an interest, or a passion, so that you’ll be up-to-speed when the time comes. I know a few men that weren’t prepared for retirement and they say they are driving their wives crazy and themselves crazy because they are around the house too much, with little to do. Might have been better to continue working.
I was in my local bank this week talking with Sheri, one of the gracious tellers there. She has taken up quilting and was telling me all about it. Gosh, I never realized how much is involved in that hobby. “It’s addicting,” Sheri said. “There are always new things that pop up. There’s a heck of a lot more to it than just sitting and sewing. In quilting, you are on your feet much of the time.”
I know one thing Sheri will be doing with her retirement “free time.” She’s got a great head start on it already.
(4) The fourth thing I’ve learned in retirement is the importance of keeping one’s mind and brain stimulated. For some, it’s the love of reading that fulfills this need. For me, it’s my writing. I’m been a newspaper columnist for 23 years. I love it; every week I must generate a column and/or a newsletter article. I am grateful for the opportunity.
Frankly, I probably would not enjoy taking cruises as much as I do if I didn’t have my writing. Taking pictures, editing pictures and blogging each day about the ports we visit keeps my mind occupied, particularly on sea days when there are no ports to visit. Writing gives me my purpose and keeps the noodle functioning.
(5) The fifth thing I’ve learned from retirement is to be willing to step out of one’s comfort zone. When Greta and I were in Lima, Peru, in October, it would have been easy to take a tour of the city arranged by the ship. But, instead, we decided to do it on our own. We took the buses that locals take. We stood in line with the locals. We learned a lot and kept close to each other for safety. We were a bit out of our comfort zone. But at the end of the day, we had grown from what we had learned.
If you’re single, and you’ve made a list of the qualities you seek in a mate, don’t be shackled by the list. For example, let’s say one of the qualities is to meet a widower of the same faith. But you meet a divorced man instead. And holy horrors, he’s not of the same faith, or even more horrifying, not of the same nationality. But you like him because he’s a gentleman. Too bad his qualities don’t show up on your list.
Guess what? Step out of your comfort zone and take a chance. Let yourself be enlightened. You’d be surprised at the number of seniors unwilling to do that. Don’t be an old fuddy-duddy.
So those are the five biggest takeaways I’ve learned in retirement: Seek social interaction, keep the body moving, have a purpose or purposes in life, keep the brain and mind working, and, be willing to step out of your comfort zone.
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Similar articles by Tom Blake appeared in the January 11, 2018, San Clemente Times newspaper and The Capistrano Dispatch (San Juan Capistrano)
http://www.sanclementetimes.com/life-love-50-five-things-ive-learned-three-years-retirement/
http://www.thecapistranodispatch.com/life-love-50-five-things-ive-learned-three-years-retirement/
On Life and Love after 50 