Dana Point CA – On Life and Love after 50

A Journey of Love and Lessons Learned

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
March 28, 2025
By Columnist Tom Blake

Like many seniors, I wasn’t prepared for dating later in life. My journey began in 1993, when my third wife (6 years), with no prior discussions or warning, moved out of my house. Two months later, she filed for divorce, leaving me to navigate the dating scene—a frustrating endeavor.

Online dating wasn’t an option back then. Fortunately, I owned Tutor and Spunky’s, a popular deli in Dana Point, California, where many appealing women walked through the deli door. However, most were significantly younger and had no interest in a recently divorced man in his mid-50s.

Struggling with the dating scene, I started a blog to document my experiences. That blog inspired my first newspaper column, published on July 7, 1994, titled, Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company.

Five years later, in my deli, an attractive, soft-spoken woman about my age with a kind and gentle disposition ordered a freshly squeezed carrot juice. While she waited for her juice, I walked over to her and asked her on a date. She said, “Yes, that would be lovely.” That started a 25-year relationship with Greta.

Though we never married, we lived together for 22 years, first in her San Clemente home, then in my Dana Point abode. She was a Special Education teacher. We travelled the world when we took time off from work.

Greta passed away on October 29, 2022. I was one lost puppy. Technically, I wasn’t a widower, but the pain and grief were the same. After months of loneliness, I decided to reenter the dating scene.

Without the deli as a dating hub, I sought other ways to connect with people. I attended a grief support group, which proved invaluable. Not only did it help me realize I wasn’t alone in my struggles, but it also introduced me to new friends—both men and women—whom I still socialize with today.

To any single senior, I highly recommend joining social groups as a way to build meaningful connections. I was aware that the dating landscape had changed dramatically over 25 years, with online dating emerging as a dominant force.

Aware of its pitfalls, I recognized that online dating also provided an opportunity to meet people beyond my immediate geographical area. With that in mind, I joined online sites Zoosk and Match.com. Despite hearing from some women that “All the good men are taken,” I remained optimistic.

Yes, I encountered scammers and dishonest individuals, but I also met wonderful women. Patience—never my strongest trait—was essential. After messaging Debbie for a few weeks, she finally messaged me back and agreed to meet.

She is 10 years younger and lives in Mission Viejo, about a half hour drive from my home in Dana Point. We began dating in May of 2023 and shared many interests. She worked as a self-employed psychotherapist and had two daughters and two grandchildren, living in other cities. Though we came from different religious backgrounds, we connected over our shared love of sports—she’s a Kansas Jayhawks fan, while I root for the Michigan Wolverines, our respective alma maters.

We also shared a love of music. She attended junior high and high school on Long Island (New York) with Billy Joel. And in the 1970s, I worked with and became friends with Johnny Cash.

Like any relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve learned to compromise and adjust—essential lessons for seniors in new relationships. We see each other three to four times a week, balancing companionship with personal space. She enjoys her time with friends, and I do the same. She also visits her family. As we approach two years together, chemistry remains. Senior dating has unique challenges, and I feel fortunate to have found Debbie.

Our journey reminds me that love and companionship are possible at any stage in life—if one remains open to the possibilities. Please send me your stories, questions, and comments.
Ask The Therapist

You may be wondering what happened to the Ask The Therapist section. There have been so many questions to Debbie (yes, that Debbie, my significant other) about senior sex that I’ve decided to have her comments about that be the entire eNewsletter next week. So tune in.

Also, a woman Champ reached out to Debbie for personal help. The woman contacted me and thanked me, saying Debbie has helped her immensely.

“Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
January 26, 2024
“Hello I’m Johnny Cash”
By Columnist Tom Blake

”Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”

Anyone who has attended a Johnny Cash concert or seen a video of him performing recognizes his introductory words, “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.”

I heard him say that in person more than 25 times. The most indelible time was inside the walls of San Quentin Prison. I was seated in front of the makeshift stage in row one of the prisoners’ cafeteria, where concerts were held. Approximately 500 unruly and unshackled prisoners were seated nearby. Armed guards with loaded rifles walked on the catwalk 10 feet overhead.

When Johnny walked to the microphone and said, “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash,” the prisoners nearly rioted with joy and yelling. A prisoner seated next to me gently poked me in the ribs and asked, “Who the hell are you?”

I mumbled, “A friend of Johnny’s.”

Most Champs know I worked with Johnny Cash for two years in the mid-1970s. I remained friends with Johnny and his wife June Carter until they sadly passed away in 2003.

I’ve known and remained friends with Rosanne Cash, Johnny’s daughter, for 47 years. I attempt to meet with her backstage whenever she performs in Southern California. Last September, Champ Mike joined me backstage at Chapman University; he was thrilled to meet Rosanne. (See the picture below of Mike S. and Rosanne)

A few weeks ago, Champ Dee sent me an alert that The 2023-24 Johnny Cash The Official Concert Experience international tour was appearing on January 21 at the Segerstrom Center For The Arts in nearby Costa Mesa. I thought, maybe I’ll go. Shortly thereafter, Susie Lopez, a Communications Specialist for the Segerstrom Center, contacted me and asked if I’d be willing to attend the event and possibly share the experience with my readers.

Susie said, “This wonderfully nostalgic experience will bring songs and stories to the stage in a special way the audiences have never seen or heard before.” Susie’s words piqued my interest. She continued, “With a video of Johnny from episodes of The Johhny Cash TV Show projected on a screen above the stage, a live band and singers will accompany him in perfect sync.” That description did it for me. I accepted Susie’s invitation.

(There is a link below to the production company website. Highly recommended and informative.)

I asked how she knew that I had known Johnny Cash. She said she had seen the article I wrote for the three South Orange County newspapers (and for this eNewsletter) in September about Champs Jim, Debbie and I attending a Johnny Cash tribute band concert at The Coach House in Dana Point CA.

At this week’s show, Champs Jim, Dee, Wayne, and Nancy stopped by our seats to chat with Debbie and me. It was kind of a senior dating night at Segerstrom. Perhaps some other Champs were there as well. The show was awesome.

During the show, I was nostalgic — reflecting on how fortunate I was to have known Johnny and June — but also how blessed I’ve been throughout my life.

When Johnny sang Kris Kristofferson’s song, “Sunday Morning Coming Down,” on the big screen behind the stage, I about lost it. Johnny had dedicated that song to me in the Sahara Tahoe Resort Hotel ballroom in front of 2,000 people in 1975.

At last Sunday’s concert, one band member triggered my memories: The lead guitarist. Not a man–mind you– but a woman named Debbie Horton. She is the only woman who ever played lead guitar for Johnny. She made me think of Mother Maybelle Carter, June’s mother, who was known for the song “Wildwood Flower.”

Debbie Horton knew every song and always smiled during the concert. I reached out to her by email on Monday morning; she answered immediately. We connected through the common bond of Johnny Cash.

Debbie responded: “It was WONDERFUL to hear from you! I loved how Johnny went back into the studio and recorded the old Sun Records songs with so much energy. “I try my best to play the guitar parts note-by-note and not add or take away. I kind of do a mix of Luther (Perkins) and Bob (Wooten) – depending on the song. Hearing from people who really appreciate what I’m doing means the world to me – and you know what it’s supposed to sound like!”

And then she commented about senior dating: “I lost my husband in 2017 and ‘senior dating’ has its own challenges. I’d like to hear your views on that too.”

So, Debbie Horton will become a Champ, at least to read this article, and maybe to continue receiving the eNewsletter as she is a widow. She lives in Nashville. Her website is listed below.

What three women and one man Champs said about the show

I asked our woman Champs who attended the show for their impressions. Nancy said, “Before the Segerstrom Show, I hadn’t thought that Johnny Cash was as much of a poet as a lyricist — much in the tradition of Bob Dylan. I enjoyed the opportunity to dig deeper into Johnny’s words.”

Tom’s response to Nancy: “Johnny and Bob Dylan became friends. They performed an unforgettable duet when they sang, ‘Girl From The North Country,’ which was featured in the movie, The Bridges of Madison County and is on the Dylan album, Nashville Skyline. They were so out of sync, they sounded fabulous together with those incredible and powerful voices.

I’ve known Champ Dee for seven years. She attended the singles events at my Dana Point deli. I told her back then that she reminded me of June Carter Cash. Dee emailed Monday, the morning after the show, and mentioned my June Carter look-alike comment from years before: “I kept thinking about your comparison when video/audio clips of June came on the big screen last night, and yes, I can see the similarity connection. I am highly flattered.”

She added, “The main observation from last night was I had no idea how important Johnny’s voice was. I remember watching his show a few times when I was a very young child, which is probably why I didn’t understand the impact that he was making and was so moved by seeing it from the perspective of not only the band but also the moments of his son John Carter Cash talking on the big screen.

“I am tremendously grateful for having the opportunity to have attended last night, which came about because I opened your eNewsletter, thought how fun, reached out to Jim, and logged into my account at the Segerstrom to buy the tickets! Small series of events that led to one extremely memorable evening for me.”

Comment from Tom: “Regarding Johnny’s voice, June often teased him by calling him Old Golden Throat. I heard her say that multiple times.

My friend Debbie said, “What struck me the most was Johnny’s understanding of truth. Even more than that was we all have options or choices. He chose love over hate. I’ve often said that we don’t have control over situations, but rather we have choices about how we react to situations and about our attitude toward self, others, and life. I think Johnny Cash would agree.

“And I loved Johnny’s song, Man in Black. He had incredible empathy for the downtrodden. For example, his song words, ‘I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down…I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime. But is there because he’s a victim of the times…’

“You, Tom, witnessed that live in San Quentin Prison. “(Link to song Man in Black below)

Champ Wayne said, “I enjoyed the combination of clips of his TV show, live band, and singers performances and Johnny’s son’s commentary of a musical icon.”

So, Champs, as you might suspect, this concert at the Segerstrom touched me deeply. I’ve enjoyed sharing the experience. You are all special to me. There are 3 links below:

(1) Lead guitarist Debbie Horton’s website
(2) Johnny singing Man In Black
(3) The 2023-24 Johnny Cash The Official Concert Experience
www.debbiehorton.com

Link to Man In Black

Johnny Cash Concert Experience website

**Dee Tom and Debbie at the Concert (below)**

vs mia parking lot 1975 — **Dee Tom and Debbie at the Concert (below)**

Matt and Cheryl – Successful senior internet long-distance relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2019

by Tom P Blake

Matt and Cheryl – A successful senior internet long-distance relationship

Setting the stage–October 2015:

Cheryl, 68, twice divorced from “two very unhappy marriages.” Lives in Ohio. Owns a horse and a home. Two kids, both married. Grandchildren in Ohio nearly grown. She’s lived within 30 minutes of them from the time they were born. All family members live in Ohio and she has many friends there as well. She’s also very involved in her church.

Using free online dating site OK Cupid. Answered 600+ questions on Cupid questionnaire.

Cheryl says, “I know many of your readers have expressed skepticism regarding the safety and efficacy of online dating. I did background checks on a few of the men I was interested in.”

Cheryl considers herself to be a ‘word nerd’—she has a collection of inspiring quotes she tries to live by. Example she provided:

“May I have the courage today to live the life that I would love, to postpone my dream no longer, but do at last what I came here for, and waste my heart on fear no more.” Author unknown.

Matt, 68 (three months younger than Cheryl), widower, one daughter living in her own home in same city as Matt, in the Upper Peninsula (U.P.) of Michigan. Using OK Cupid, Answered 400+ questions on OK Cupid questionnaire.

Getting to know a potential mate the correct way: a step-by-step process

Cheryl says, “When Matt and I were on OK Cupid in 2015, questionnaire answers were multiple choice, however, there was space to add comments to answers; Matt and I both did that on many questions.

“Answers were grouped by category, making it easy to check potential compatibility regarding issues such as religion, political views, etc., and there was a category that essentially identified ‘deal breakers,’ which was also very helpful in ‘weeding out’ potential partners.

“Hence, when we started communicating, we already knew quite a lot about each other.

“We progressed from on-site communication to email to phone calls to Skype-dating calls. Prior to giving him my email address, I Googled him and ran a basic background check.

“By the time we went on Skype, we had enjoyed nightly extended phone calls, often 2-3 hours! The Skype-dating calls were wonderful as you can see each other and enjoy facial reactions.

“In April 2016 (five months after initial contact), I flew to the U.P. to meet Matt in person, and, visit the U.P. for the first time. I stayed a week, at his apartment, which may have been somewhat ‘brazen’ of me, but even that short time living under the same roof increased our understanding of each other.

“In July 2016, Matt drove to my home in Ohio, stayed for two weeks, and met my family and friends. By then, we had fallen in love and decided we wanted to spend ‘the rest of the journey’ together, and I had decided to move to the U.P.

Relocating for senior love to begin a new life

Cheryl continued, “I moved from Ohio to the U.P. of Michigan in Sept. 2016 to be with him (11 months after first contact). It was a big decision, as I wanted Matt to have the opportunity to live close to his daughter when she married and had children. We moved into Matt’s home.

“I like the U.P. and have made a new life for myself here, joining a church, working part-time at an elementary school, and am boarding my horse at a wonderful facility where we are starting a non-profit program called ‘Hoofprints of Hope.’

“The goal is to provide equine experiences for at-risk kids. Matt has been involved as well offering business-planning advice gleaned from his experiences as a city manager and economic development specialist, and he is planning to do some grant writing for the organization.

“Regarding the cold weather (Tom had asked me about this), until this past winter, our weather wasn’t much colder than in Ohio. This past winter was exceptionally cold, but I put blankets on my horse–he’s in the barn at night–and I just layered-up! I’m REALLY hoping this winter isn’t as cold!

“I’m a graduate of Ohio State University. Tom also asked if there was an Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry, as there is in football. We aren’t into football so that’s a non-issue.

“Matt, unfortunately, has dealt with several health issues including cancer in the three years that we’ve been together, but fortunately he is now cancer-free.

“I am still encouraging people to try online dating utilizing precautions such as background checks. If you want to be in a loving relationship you must make an effort to find it! It won’t find you!”

Keeping in touch with family and friends

Cheryl continued: “We return to Ohio to visit at least once a year, and my daughter and family visited us here in December 2017.

“Matt and I feel extraordinarily blessed to have found love with each other at our age–72 now! We know it would not have happened had we not taken a chance on the internet. We both feel the format of OK Cupid was instrumental in our finding each other.

“I learned much more about potential partners online than when meeting men in a social situation.

“I reported several obvious scammers during my online searches. Maybe Matt and I just got lucky, but before we met, I interacted/communicated online with several nice and genuine men.

“Hopefully, we can inspire others to search for and find love and happiness.

“My sister and I had parents who were married for 60 years, so a new woman in our dad’s life (after Mom passed) was quite a surprise! However, she was a lovely person who made Dad’s last three years very happy, and we remained close to her until she passed.

“Dad said, ‘Life is for the living,’ and his decision to seek happiness in his later years with a new partner was influential in my decision to do the same. In addition to finding happiness myself, I hope I have also set an example for my kids and grand kids of overcoming difficulties in life.”

Tom’s comment: Thanks to Cheryl, for so willingly sharing the “Matt and Cheryl” meeting. Six long-distance dating tips from this story:

Finding love after 50, 60, 70 or even 80 can happen, but it takes work, time and likely some money
Cheryl and Matt made the right moves: Putting themselves out there. Progressing to Skype-dating. Doing background checks. Meeting face-to-face within a year.
A willingness to relocate by at least one person
Acceptance of and dealing with complications as they arise—biggest one is usually health issues. Other issues could be money or children
Being close in age can help, but, isn’t mandatory
Having similar interests.

Reminder: The Senior Meet and Greet is this coming Thursday, June 27, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, CA 92629. 5 to 7 p.m. Beer and wine, $5 each. Complimentary appetizers. 949 412-9008. No need to RSVP

Tutor and Spunky’s – Dana Point California

Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point

Tom talking to seniors at Dana Point California Meet and Greet May 22 2019

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 31, 2019 – Keeping me focused – The next Senior Meet and Greet in Dana Point California is Thursday, June 27, 2019

by columnist Tom Blake

Get it right, Tom

I received several comments about the singles Meet and Greet recap in last week’s eNewsletter. However, the most frequent comment wasn’t about THAT Meet and Greet, it was about the NEXT Meet and Greet. I wrote it would be Thursday, June 28.

About 20 Champs set me straight (in a cordial and respectful way). In 2019, there won’t be a Thursday, June 28. That Thursday is June 27. I stand humbly corrected.

And speaking of Meet and Greets, Randall emailed, “Tom, I’ve been advised that you have a singles group that meets at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point on a monthly basis. I know your reputation for being honest and would like to attend the next meeting.”

My response to Randy: “With this group of astute Champs, anything less than honesty would be exposed in a nanosecond.

“The May Meet and Greet at Tutor & Spunky’s Deli was the first one since I sold the deli in 2015. Turnout was great, about 100. We will continue to have them as long as senior singles in our area want them.”

I suggested Randy sign up for this On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter on FindingLoveafter50.com, so he can be updated on upcoming events and singles information that I consider important, interesting (and honest!).

Romance Scam alert

Randy’s “being honest” comment leads me into a story of someone who wasn’t honest. I’m sharing it today because I never want any of our Champs to be scammed out of money, assets, self-respect, or anything.

I read an article written by Faith Karimi that appeared on CNN on May 24. A woman from Georgia was swindled out of $80,000 by a young scammer. I couldn’t determine from the article the age of the woman but was shocked that she was so naïve and foolish that she gave the man the money after one week of dating.

Here are some of the excerpts from the CNN.com article:

“John Martin Hill, 35, connected with the woman…on Match.com in late March…Hill took the woman out on a date the same day they met (online), and the two agreed to get married a week later… (I thought to myself—you must be kidding–she met him in person on the same day first contact was made, without checking him out, and, agreed to marry him in a week?).

“He told the woman he’s a millionaire, and they decided to invest in a love nest. The woman gave her now fiancé $80,000 (cash) to help with the home’s purchase…

“During their short romance, he convinced her that they were in love and wanted to buy a house together…When he got the money, he cut all contact with the woman… (shocking, I know).

“The man lived with another woman and a child in Duluth, Georgia — and he’s wanted in Virginia, Delaware, Maryland and New Jersey for similar scams, authorities said.

“Since then, several women have come forward and said they were in a relationship with him, or, knew women who were. Hill has changed his name at least five times in two and a half years, police said.

“Police arrested him Wednesday at a hotel in Franklin, Tennessee…”

The CNN story also stated, “’By sharing this story, it is our hope that he is not able to victimize any other women using this scam,’ Gwinnett County Police said in a statement. ‘These types of con men are very good at manipulating their victims. They tend to say everything that a woman wants to hear.’”

Emphasis on sentence above: they tend to say everything a woman wants to hear.

Apparently, Hill has used several aliases including Gregory Hill and has scammed women in several states. He’s behind bars now, and it seems he will be for years to come. He was busted in 2012 but was still able to operate scams since then.

How anyone could be so naïve is beyond comprehension. However, it happened to women in several states. Wow.

Link to that article:

https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/24/us/georgia-alleged-romance-con-artist-trnd/

In fairness to Match.com…

I don’t want to give the impression that all Internet dating sites are bad, and I’m not singling out Match.com. I am merely re-emphasizing that one must be careful when meeting strangers online or anywhere.

This week, Don, one of our Champs, wrote to say he would attend the next Meet and Greet. Don said, “I met the perfect lady for me on Match.com a little over a year ago and she seems to think I am the perfect man for her. Edie is 73 and I am 78 and we are doing great.”

Meetup.com is not a dating site, but here’s why it’s a good option for meeting people…

Vicki wrote, “I’m 70. Widowed 5 years. I loved being married and though I don’t want marriage at my age, I do want a companion. I’ve been lucky and I’ve dated a lot.

“I’m a determined lady and I’ve used all the dating sites (and I took dating seriously) and I’ve had horror stories, but I’ve also met some ‘ok men,’ just never ‘my man.’ I always picked men that were 3 or 4 years younger; I’m an on-the-go, fun, lady who attracts younger men, men who also like to get out and have fun).

“I’ve always turned down dates from anyone younger than 3 or 4 years. Even though I’ve always been told I do not look my age, I never strayed from that age range because I was brought up that women date their age or older.

“As for the you-look-younger line I hear, people say that to be nice and your age is going to come up sooner than later when you date, and I’m a bad liar. I always told the truth about my age and ignored the invites from the 50s + group.

“I joined a fun Meetup.com group–single and 55+ was the requirement. I recommend Meetup.com to meet men vs. online dating. Of course, more women than men are in this group, but lucky me, an attractive man 10-years-younger, took a liking to me.

“We went out, he knew my age, he didn’t care! I wrestled with the age differences until I realized how much fun I was having with him, and guess what? We are now companions, spend at least 4 or 5 nights a week together, have gone on two trips and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in a relationship!

“My new advice for all daters over 55 is just go for it, enjoy every minute you have and forget age, be honest and if they don’t care, you don’t care! You are as young as you feel and when anyone asks my age I now say, ‘I’m old enough to know better than to answer that, and young enough not to care that you asked!’ Then I wink! It usually gets a laugh!”

Memorial Day Ceremony and Flower Drop at the Palm Springs Air Museum…

A P-51 Mustang participated in the Flower Drop flyover. This plane was flown by the Tuskegee Air Men

Greta and I were in Palm Springs on Memorial Day. We decided to attend the 22nd Annual Flower Drop & Air Fair at the Palm Springs Air Museum, known as one of the best air museums in the world. As a Navy veteran, Memorial Day means a lot to me. I wrote about our incredible day there, and included several pictures and videos. If interested, go to http://www.TravelAfter55.com. The home page will open on the story. That is the same website with all of our travel adventures on it.

Reminder: The next Meet and Greet is Thursday, June 27, 2019, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, CA. 5 to 7 p.m.

Where are the men?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 24, 2019 – Two parts today:

Part One “From the Mailbag”

Part 2 – Wednesday night’s Meet and Greet (with photos)

Part One – From the mailbag – responses to Where are the men?

I’m surprised. Despite last week’s eNewsletter being laden with Census Bureau statistical information about people age 65 and older, which I thought would be boring to some, a surprising number of sage responses arrived in my email inbox.

Some of the responses, had the usual off-the-wall twists and humor in them. A few of those comments follow, with my responses back to the senders. Women wonder: where are senior men?

Mohammed Gariba (unedited) emailed, “How can i get widow to marry iam in Ghana”

As you can surmise, particularly from the poor grammar, I suspected a scammer. Not to mention, an individual who was geographically undesirable. Usually, I ignore emails like that. But, a couple of brief replies popped into my head so I answered Mohammed:

“How can you get a widow to marry you? Have you asked one?”

And this: “Move to Alaska.”

He responded, “I will do that if I have the means.”

His dilemma solved.

@@@

Andrew emailed, “Tom, you wrote, When you consider that many of those men included are in a relationship, or don’t want to be in a relationship, or never married, or aren’t ‘relationship material,’ as some women point out, the realistic ratios are much larger.”

Maybe there are a similar proportion of women in a relationship, etc., etc., so the realistic ratios remain the same.”

Tom to Andrew: “Good point. I considered it. But more women than men express the not-relationship-material aspect. Regardless, whatever the actual, realistic, ratio, it’s still tougher on women than men. Where are senior single men is asked often. ”

@@@

Thomas (not I) emailed, “Five years ago, I lived in San Clemente and twice attended your deli Greet and Meets. I have since moved to Salida, CO.

“I still believe I am one of those men that can’t find that woman to be with the rest of my life. I bought a motor home this past year and spent the winter in Texas and AZ. I am 80 and in good health. So, I am asking the question, ‘Where are all the women?’”

My reply, “There are lots of wonderful, single women in Texas and AZ. Perhaps your RV park was geographically undesirable. Once you are encamped in those areas, you still need to get off the couch, and out of the motor coach, and seek outside activities where others will be. Just hanging around the RV park won’t be enough.

Belinda, “OMG. HOW DEPRESSING.”

My reply: “I didn’t intend for the column to be depressing; I felt it substantiated what I’ve been saying for years–the ratios make it more difficult for women.

“And yet, it’s not impossible to find a mate later in life. I published a hardcover book titled, How 50 Couples Found Love After 50, a few years back that featured 58 couples who had found love.

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/how-50-couples-found-love-after-50

Many of those couples are still Champs and remain together. Meeting a mate later in life takes effort, and some luck. But, it can and does happen.

@@@

Champ Jim, a humor columnist (RaisingDad column) for the Desert Exposure Magazine in New Mexico (www.desertexposure.com), responded to the May 9 eNewsletter, about the woman who complained about her partner who spends time in the backyard, ostensibly flirting with neighbor women.

Jim wrote, “I wasn’t planning on responding, but since the response to that lady’s complaints seems to be 100% against her partner, I thought I’d give an opposing perspective.

“First, two stories:

(1) “I have a cousin who went on a group trip to Italy with his wife. During the trip, whenever he would recommend that they do something, his wife would defer. She preferred staying at the hotel and enjoying the amenities.

“My cousin was disappointed, but what could he do? He went off to enjoy the sights alone. When they returned from the trip, within the year, he and his wife had divorced, and he was involved with another lady he had met on the trip.

(2) “My mother could talk to anyone. My father, not so much. Whenever they would go anywhere, my mother would end up talking to whomever happened to be within hearing distance. My father, on the other hand, would be sidelined by his own choice, fuming. Who was at fault? My friendly mother or my unsocial father?

“Like you, I don’t know that lady’s situation, but I do know there are two sides to every story. Other than (he) being, in her opinion, overly friendly, her partner doesn’t seem to be committing any great sin.

“Maybe she can quibble about how the household chores have shaken out, but, really, what has this guy done? Is he a drunk? A freeloader? A womanizer? Does he beat her? Berate her? Disappear for great lengths of time with no explanations upon his return?

“Apparently, no. His sin is that he likes to work on his yard and flirt with his neighbors. Is that so bad?

“Like my cousin’s ex-wife, maybe if she had joined him in the activities he enjoyed, she wouldn’t have felt quite so ignored. Same for my father.”Ramping up for the Wednesday night Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, CA.

Susie, Fairfax, Va., emailed on Tuesday, prior to the event, “Why don’t they have more meet and greets for older, young-at-heart people over 70?”

Tom’s response to Susie: “My question is: Who are the they you refer to? The government? Restaurants? Senior Centers?

“My experience, as a former restaurant owner, is: Meet and Greets take time to plan, and then it’s hard to predict who will show up. If, not enough men attend, women complain.

“Plus, for restaurants, seniors don’t spend much money so there is little financial incentive for restaurants to sponsor events like that. The restaurants prepare food that might go to waste if the turnout is poor. Then, they have extra staff members on hand and that costs money.

“The event Greta and I helped with took hours of prep work by the deli staff and new owners, including purchasing extra wine and beer, promoting the event, and contacting people. I hoped for at least 50 attendees.

The Champs who sent RSVPs were all women, not one of our male Champs said they would attend; so, I hoped this wouldn’t be a disappointing event. I understand that people have other obligations and can’t always attend.

One woman wrote: “After 17 years of being single after two divorces, I’ve seen what’s out there. It ain’t pretty.”

I responded: “Who knows? Maybe a few good men will attend the Meet and Greet in Dana Point on Wednesday from 5 to 7. You live just down the road from Dana Point, 10 to 15 minutes away. Might you join us at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, DP 92629?

She said, “I don’t have a car, so no.”

What? I thought, but didn’t say to her: “Have you heard of Lyft or Uber?”

Her comment made me think about an article, that Kip, a buddy who kayaks at Dana Point Harbor, told me about, that appeared in the May 14, 2019, Los Angeles Times online newspaper. It was titled, “For lonely men in Spanish towns, the ‘caravan of women’ brings hope of love,” written by Meg Bernhard.

I accessed the article online out of curiosity because of our “Where are the men?” article. I ended up reading it because of how well written it was—a fascinating article.

It’s too long to get into it in this eNewsletter, other than to say, it talks about 50 single older women who live in Madrid, Spain. They each paid $23 to take a charter bus to Calzadilla De La Cueza Spain, a tiny town (24 permanent residents), four hours away, in hopes of meeting the single men there. They were in the tiny town in a bar for about eight hours.

The return bus headed back to Madrid at 4 a.m., arriving at 8. Women in this country who think they have a hard time meeting men, should read this story. Again, it is incredible journalism.

Bottom line: It’s hard to meet older single men anywhere in the world. Not just in the USA. Link to that story:

https://www.latimes.com/world/la-fg-col1-spain-women-caravan-20190514-htmlstory.html

And finally, Champ Sue said, “I live near Chicago and don’t know how to find the boys! I just keep hoping. Have a beautiful day.”

Part 2 – Meet and Greet recap from Wednesday night

We hadn’t had a Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point CA in four years. So, I didn’t know what to expect.

Early crowd at the deli

People started arriving before 5 p.m. By 5:15, there were 50 people there. By 5:30, nearly 100. They kept coming into the deli. Greta was filling in name tags as fast as she could write. Jackie Hammond and her sister Judy Frank arrived.

Greta, Jackie, Tom, and Jackie’s sister Judy (Jackie graciously shared many of the photos taken with her camera that are shown here today)

About 15 of our Champs attended. Stella took a bus from Newport Beach, just as she did five years ago. Marinell came early and introduced herself. Then Mary Ann joined the party.

Greta and Tom with Mary Ann (photo courtesy of Mary Ann)

Champ Susie was there and seemed thrilled with the group. Mirtha came with friends. Dee, who had been to many Meet and Greets, arrived with her daughter Julie, and Julie’ significant other, Vince.

And yes there were men, I count five in this picture

Guys there: included Ken, Jim, Cluny, Vince, Cliffy, Bob and Mike—seven guy pals of mine.

Yes, there were more single women than men, but men did show. At one point, I counted 20 men interspersed with the women. It was a great way to introduce the new deli owners, Samantha and Elena, who hugged more people in one night than most of us hug in a year.

One table of women had an international flare—they were from Mexico, France, Bulgaria, and Iran.

Greta’s family and friends were there in droves—sisters DeDe and Jeanne, and her son, Tony, who was the volunteer bartender, just as he’d been five years before, and her daughter Terri. Her long-time friend Lula. Several members of Greta’s Dippy Dolphins Water Aerobics class attended.

Tom with 2 owners–Elena and Samantha– behind him on the right side

One of the first couples who met at our first Meet and Greet six years ago—Fred and Joanne—were there with friends. And another couple, Jack and Joanne (not the same Joanne) who say they met because of my articles that encouraged them to keep trying years ago were all smiles.

Tony the bartender (Greta’s son). He looks busy because–he was

What more can I say? Great night. When addressing the group, I asked the people, when for the June Meet and Greet? Oh my Gosh. Not on Tuesdays, that’s Taco Tuesdays. Wednesdays? No, that’s country dancing night at
Stillwater Restaurant and some people go to church on that night. Third Thursday? Nope, that’s the Chamber of Commerce mixer night.

At home, Greta and I flipped a coin. It was heads: the next event will be Thursday, June 27, 5 to 7 p.m. My guess is, Tutor and Spunky’s is going to be packed on that night. Stay tuned.