On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – February 19, 2021
By columnist Thomas P Blake
Where the Men Are
Today’s eNewsletter reminds me of two songs. The first is Connie Francis’ 1961 song, “Where the Boys Are,” (link at end of this eNewsletter) which was the theme song for a movie of the same name. The movie was about four coeds seeking love on spring break in Florida.
At least twice a month for the 26 years I’ve been writing about dating, I’ve been asked “Where the men are?” and “Where do I meet senior men?” by women. If my math is correct, that would be approximately 624 times. And that’s a conservative number.
Sometimes, the question is stated differently. For example, this January, a woman wanted to know “where to meet a nice, decent man?” and another asked, “Where the senior single men are.”
My answer has always been that there is no place, of which I’m aware, where older single senior men go to hang out with the sole intention of meeting single women close to their age. Admittedly, there are some singles functions that single men attend, but the ratio is usually somewhere near four to five women to each man.
And then women say, “Some of those men aren’t potential mate-material.” Reasons cited: age, weight, still-married, broke, smoker, drinker, couch potato, kids living at home—the list can go on and on. So, in effect, a more realistic ratio is even greater, like six or seven to one, women to men. For women, those are pretty discouraging numbers.
However, one of our woman Champs has discovered a place where there are lots of older single unattached men. She emailed, “I live in California, but I bought a condo on the beach in Sarasota, Florida. I love it there!
“If it weren’t for my grandson living in California, I would move to Sarasota. Beautiful beaches, tons of museums, theaters, fantastic restaurants, hiking, biking, and water sports. It reminds me of a smaller, less-busy San Diego.
“Californians and East-coasters are moving to Sarasota in droves. A California couple rented, sight unseen, my house in Sarasota because they are building a custom home in Sarasota.”
Our Champ provided Sarasota population demographics: “41 percent married, 59 percent single, divorced or widowed; 48.7 percent men, 53.3 percent women. Where are you ever going to get those odds? The average male age is 46.2 and the female age is 52.4 (respective numbers higher in South Sarasota).
“I meet retired single men everywhere in Sarasota! Grocery store, beach, home-improvement stores, restaurants/ bars, walking, and living in my condo complex. It’s like a candy store for senior women!”
A candy store for senior women? Sarasota sounds too good to be true for senior women wanting to know where the eligible men are. But, Sarasota comes with some quirks, which our Champ explained:
“I returned from Florida yesterday and wanted to share some experiences that might make you laugh. In Sarasota, I made an appointment with my painter, Oscar (not his true name), a mid-30-year-old, to repaint my window sills after having hurricane windows installed. I employed him three times previously for various paint jobs.
“For some odd reason, this young man, after viewing the window sills and slider frames, decided to hug me and kiss me on the lips. I was so shocked I pushed him away and said “Oscar! I am old enough to be your grandmother! Please don’t do that!”
Tom’s comment: (Not to mention the danger during the pandemic).
“He left, looking chagrinned. Oscar returned and completed the paint job appearing crestfallen and quiet. He only charged me $250 for about six hours of work and said it was a ‘special discount’ just for me. I wonder what he would have charged if I had let him kiss me? LOL!
“The next day, I met with a photographer (mid-70s) to take photos of my condo for renting purposes. His name was the same as my ex-husband’s name so we joked about the coincidence. He is a widower who lost his wife to cancer after 52 years of marriage. He asked me to go on a date.
“He has had no luck with internet dating sites. He was a very nice man but I didn’t feel any chemistry. He was quite overweight. I told him I was leaving for CA in a few days so dating was probably not in our future. He still insisted I call him when I return to Florida. Maybe he will have lost some weight by then?
“Soooo…for all those women looking for a man, Sarasota is just teeming with single men of all ages looking for women. At least that has been my experience. BTW, my girlfriend, her husband, and I went out to happy hour one evening and another evening went out to dinner, then dancing. So enjoyable to do some ‘normal’ activities during this pandemic.”
The second song our Champ’s story reminds me of is the Eagles’ “Lyin’ Eyes,” because of this line:
“Every form of refuge has its price.”
Sarasota sounds like a great place to take refuge for senior single women, but, at a price: be prepared to be kissed by your 40-year-younger painter. Oh, and then there’s the cost of moving there.
Now, with signs that the pandemic is easing, face-to-face dating will become more prevalent. Let’s hear what has changed in senior dating. Send me your questions and experiences to share with our Champs.
Also, some of you have asked why some weeks you are emailed two copies of the eNewsletter. The reason: If by Sunday, you haven’t opened Friday’s eNewsletter, I resend a copy because some people have told me that they inadvertently deleted the first one and want a second one sent. By sending a Sunday copy,only to people who didn’t open, it saves me from sending a bunch of individual emails.
I’ve been to Disneyland twice in my life. I recall the first visit vividly, June 21, 1964, not because of the intrigue of the Magic Kingdom, but because while waiting in line there, I heard that Philadelphia Phillies’ pitcher Jim Bunning had pitched a no-hitter, perfect game, against the New York Mets.
Why do I remember that? I was a Detroit Tigers fan and Bunning had been a Tigers pitcher, where he also had pitched a no-hitter, and I was upset when he got traded away.
The second time was about 15 years ago when my partner Greta and I took her grandchildren for a fun day there.
Greta and I decided to go to Disneyland on February 4. You might be thinking, “Tom and Greta must not have realized that Disneyland was closed due to the pandemic.” Oh, we knew it was closed, which is why we went. Disneyland is the primary COVID-19 vaccination site in Orange County, California.
Where we live in Orange County, the nation’s fourth-largest county with more than three million people, the primary way to schedule a vaccination appointment is the website Othena.com. Greta and I had been on that site for five weeks trying to schedule an appointment. It was frustrating being put in a “waiting room,” as the site described it, without being able to get an appointment, but when you consider 610,000 people are registered on that site, also awaiting an appointment, the delay was understandable.
On Tuesday, February 2, we were each notified by email that it was time to book our appointments. We were able to both get the same day, time and location. It was Disneyland, for the Pfizer vaccine. We were told to bring a photo i.d. and a printed copy of our appointment confirmations.
People who go without appointments will be turned away.
Our appointment was for 9:30 on Thursday the 4th; we arrived at the main entrance to the enormous parking lot on Katella Avenue in Anaheim and were parked by 8:30 a.m. The people directing traffic were very helpful and friendly. Reminders to wear masks were everywhere.
In our eagerness to get in line, I did not write down the row where we parked. I just eye-balled our location among the hundreds of cars parked there and thought “No sweat. I know where it is.”
We were directed to get into the 9:30 a.m. line. Crashing an earlier line than one’s scheduled appointment isn’t allowed. Hence, arriving early, won’t get a person vaccinated earlier.
There was one woman ahead of us. It was cold and slightly windy. I was wearing a winter jacket. Greta had only a shawl over her blouse. It was cold for her; I opened my winter coat, hugging her and wrapping the coat around her to warm her up. I saw many men in teeshirts, shorts, and flip-flops with no socks. They had to be uncomfortably cold.
We watched as 100+ people in the 8:45 a.m. line advanced to the vaccination tents. And then the same for the 9:00 and 9:15 lines. As each line cleared, people waiting in the remaining lines cheered.
Those receiving their first dose were directed to one check-in tent; people receiving their second dose were directed to another tent. The sun had come out so now we were a bit warm. When people arrive in the early morning at Disneyland, they’d be wise to dress as if they’re going skiing by layering their clothes.
We passed through three check-in stations, showing our picture i.d and appointment documents each time. A fourth station was where we received our shots and a vaccination record card that also listed a February 25 appointment for our second dose.
One of the many tents at the Disneyland Covid-19 vaccination site
Before receiving the shot, everybody was questioned about the medications they’re taking. If any meds might possibly interact with the vaccine, those people were interviewed in yet another tent by a doctor to receive approval.
Greta and I felt the shot hurt less than a flu shot. After receiving it, we were required to sit for 15 minutes under a tent to ensure we had no adverse reactions.
While there, we discovered that Greta’s driver’s license (photo i.d.) was missing. Couldn’t find it anywhere in her pockets or purse. We mentioned that to a staff member and before we knew it, Mike Lyster, the Chief Communications Officer from the Anaheim City Manager’s office–who was helping out that day–was summoned and helped us retrace our steps. He was awesome.
After a frantic search, a triple-check of Greta’s purse revealed that her driver’s license had slipped behind another card. We embarrassingly revealed that to Mike.
He smiled and said, “You’d be amazed how often that happens. People show their paperwork so many times it’s easy to misplace something small such as a driver’s license.”
We made our way back to the car. Of course, it was hard to find because I hadn’t written down where we parked. I kept making excuses to Greta like, “My car usually has my Stand Up Paddle Board on top so it’s easy to see. But I removed it this morning before driving here.”
Our first-dose experience was positive. The people working there were incredible. We thanked them often. Hopefully, all Champs will do the same with all of the medical and service personnel who are putting themselves at risk to help us get through the pandemic.
Other than sore arms the following day, neither of us had any side effects.
Although we didn’t see Mickey or Minnie Mouse, and our outing wasn’t exactly a celebration of Valentine’s month, it had been pleasant to be there. Hopefully, by summertime, those two Disney characters will be walking the streets of Disneyland, greeting customers.
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In Dana Point, where we live, there is a house on the Street of Blue Lantern (many Dana Point Streets are called Lanterns) that is decorated by its owners for every special holiday. Valentine’s Day is no exception.
Festive House on Blue Lantern in Dana Point, California
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – February 5, 2021
by columnist Thomas P Blake
Senior love in the U.P. of Michigan -Follow your heart but take your brain with you
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I hoped I’d be able to share with you a senior feel-good, finding-love story. Lo and behold, an email arrived describing Champ Cheryl’s relationship with Matt. This is a different Cheryl than the one we spoke about last week.
What stands out is how they intelligently approached their 600-mile long-distance relationship. Cheryl and Matt met online, moved slowly, decided to live together in his home, faced obstacles with his daughter, and eventually moved to Cheryl’s home. They talked things over, realized they weren’t perfect, and yet, made the relationship work. I think Champs will benefit from their story.
I edited Cheryl’s email for length and clarity.
She wrote, “Matt and I are blessed to have found love in our 70s. However, we do take some credit for our success and don’t believe it was just luck. We were honest when we wrote our profiles and answered hundreds of questions on OK Cupid, and we were honest with each other in our communications from the onset.
“Our ‘deal-breakers’ were issues of substance, not less-important things like food preferences or favorite color! We were cognizant that at our age we were set in our ways to some extent, and we were willing to accept that–in each other–and make adjustments and compromises.
“Matt says we each have ‘perfect imperfections!’ We were also willing to travel more than 25 miles to find a loving partner, and when we found each other, both were willing to relocate to where the other one lived.
“We didn’t make a hasty commitment, but when we did commit, we felt confident that we were doing the right thing. We both recognized that we were lonely living alone and we wanted to be in a committed, live-in relationship, so we were dedicated to making it work.
“Some seniors—widowed, never married or divorced–have decided they prefer living alone to living together, and perhaps they don’t realize that until they venture into dating again. Possibly that is why they decide a relationship isn’t working for certain reasons.
“Honesty from the outset is crucial. Relationships at any age are challenging, but at least we seniors have the advantage of knowing ourselves well and understanding the futility of ‘playing games’ in relationships! Sometimes people are blindsided by revelations by partners that were not initially revealed.
“Matt’s house in the Upper Penisula of Michigan is 600 miles from where I was living in Ohio. In April 2016, I spent a week with Matt in the U.P. getting to know him in person and getting to know my potentially new location, which I liked.
It’s cold in the Upper Penisula of Michigan (Photo by Debbe Daniels)
One regret I have is that I did not meet his daughter. I’m not sure if meeting her would have changed our plans, but in hindsight, meeting her should have happened. I’ll explain later.
“In July 2016, Matt came to Ohio and spent two weeks meeting my family and friends and doing some sight-seeing. By that time we had decided to make a ‘rest-of-the-journey commitment to each other and I had decided to move to the U.P.
“In September 2016, I moved to Michigan to be with Matt. I had made assumptions about his relationship with his daughter (his only child) that proved not to be true, and he assumed she would accept me as his partner. Since his daughter lives in the same town, we expected to share family time with her and her fiance’ and likely grandchildren for Matt eventually. (Matt found out via email from his son-in-law that they were already married!)
As a result of her resistance to my involvement in Matt’s life and her subsequent total estrangement from him for 2 1/2 years, we are now moving back (for me) to Ohio, which Matt is willing to do. He realizes how much I miss having family interaction, especially at holiday times.
“Matt has made it clear to his daughter that he is not ‘giving me up,’ and she will not dictate to him how to live his life. I know some seniors have had issues in relationships where a person feels forced to choose between a partner and a child and chooses the child.
“It’s a choice no one should be forced to make, and sadly Matt’s daughter has put him into this position. Fortunately, he chose the path that he knew would make him and me happy (remaining committed to me and our relationship)–a path he has every right to follow.
“One benefit of pursuing a relationship at our age (70s) is that we know ourselves well enough to recognize what we need and want based on our emotions and practical objective considerations. We are not as likely to simply get ‘swept off our feet’ and make a decision prematurely or based solely on emotion.
“The benefits of living in our 60s, 70s, and 80s give us a better chance of achieving a happy, successful relationship than when we were younger and knew ourselves less well. It’s always important, as someone once said, to “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.” This applies to any age, but I think we are more likely to do that in our senior years!”
Cheryl’s comments summarize how to wisely approach a new relationship in our later years. What a nice story for the month of Valentine’s Day.
I’m aware Valentine’s Day is a week away, but it’s the month of Valentine’s Day +
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 29,2021
By Thomas P. Blake columnist
Why I don’t play Cupid for senior singles
Why I’ not a matchmaker
A woman Champ suggested this week that I add playing cupid to my job description.
Cheryl emailed, “Because you know a lot of single men and women, you would be a great person to introduce them. For me, it may not work because I live in L.A. County near LAX, about an hour’s drive from South Orange County. As you have previously mentioned, senior singles are not interested in driving long distances – especially at night.
“I’m not saying you should become a full-blown matchmaker – that would take a lot of work and responsibility. But there are other ways you could become a ‘go-between.’
“How about allowing your readers to sign up on an ‘eligible-list’ page on your http://www.findingloveafter50.com website, and perhaps have them include the general area where they live, their status (divorced, widowed, for example), and a photo?
An ‘eligible-list’ with a mini-profile of each person? While Cheryl’s intentions are honorable, she is in effect suggesting I become a matchmaker.
Cheryl added, “I’m sure there’s a great guy in my area who is looking for me!”
Cheryl, I know where there’s a single guy. But you’d have to travel to Dingle, Ireland to meet him photo by Tom Blake
In 27 years of column writing, I’ve encountered hundreds of seniors who’ve found love, and thousands who haven’t. And I’ve tried to introduce some of them including widowers, widows, never-married and divorced people, particularly when they live within 25 miles of each other. Some have become couples, but in most cases, no match was made. I heard the words, “We just weren’t right for each other,” often.
Some people who had asked me to find them a mate were annoyed that I wasted their time, even though they were the ones who approached me in the first place. Older singles, who are set in their ways, can be very picky and hard to please. It’s often a no-win situation. For example:
A woman who asked me to introduce her said, “You didn’t tell me he drinks bourbon, gambles on football, talks too much, and snores.”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t know that.”
Another reason I won’t match-make is there are more single women seeking love at age 65 compared to men of the same age; the ratio of single women to single men is about four-to-one. At age 75, that ratio increases to approximately five-to-one.
A similar ratio would exist on an eligible list website page. Men who are out there wouldn’t post to it. And then I’d hear the all-too-familiar cry: “Where are the men?” Imagine, having an eligible page that listed only women? It’d be a flopper-rue of a page.
Would including an “eligible” page on my website as Cheryl suggests yield successful matchups? Perhaps a few, if men participated. However, the time, effort, and cost to create and update a list would be prohibitive.
Nearly every day during the pandemic, an email arrives in my inbox promoting new dating and/or matchmaking sites. One matchmaker included these words:
“Local matchmaker has more older women and needs more men to match with female clients.”
The same site said its workers do their best to find that person and introduce you.
“Do their best?” Wow, matchmakers who often charge between $700 and $25,000 are only as good as the clients they have in their dating pool.
Will I add a “fixer-upper” list to my website? No thanks. However, when I sense that two people might make a match–similar ages or the same city or similar interests–I will mention to each one about the other one. If they both agree, I will share an email address but I must have permission from both of them. I’ve done it many times through the years.
When the pandemic is under control, my partner Greta and I will resume the monthly senior singles meet and greet gatherings at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point. Many people met their mates there. But I didn’t fix them up. They did it themselves by being willing to get off their couches and out of their houses.
And with some of those successful couples, I was amazed when they got together. I wouldn’t have thought to introduce them, thinking their interests were too different. Hence, I would have been wrong.
So, Cheryl, Tom Blake will remain a columnist and leave the matchmaking to the dating sites and matchmakers. They are the so-called “pros” and the only thing they lack: single men.
A quick mention of thanks to so many of you who sent me your condolences regarding the death of my brother. I was surprised at the number of you who’ve had similar losses.
January 22, 2021 – On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter
Columnist Tom Blake
(Note from Tom: This eNewsletter has been edited for length and clarity)
Senior Dating Baggage–Protect yourself –Dating a still-married man
A woman Champ shared her story this week, hoping it might help others. Some people might criticize her decisions. But remember, we haven’t walked in her shoes.
She wrote, “At 54, my husband died in my arms after a four-year battle with cancer. I had no intent to date or remarry. Two years later, I met a guy at a neighbor’s birthday party who was five years younger and I decided to take a chance on dating.
“I never expected to fall in love, feel butterflies, with hopes and dreams once again, but I did.
“Stopping us from living together was his dating ‘baggage.’ He was still married to his estranged wife of 20+ years! They had never divorced. Why? I will never know.
“Also, he had a very troublesome and financially dependent adult son.
“We wanted to live together, in my home, but before I would allow him to move in, “HE HAD TO BE DIVORCED.” Only when his divorce was final could he then move in. So until that happened, we continued as a LAT couple.
“When he showed me court papers that he had finally filed for divorce, we became engaged! Yay!
Tom’s comment: So far, so good. She was wise to take a no-move-in-together stand while he was married.
She continued, “Unfortunately, I found him dead in his condo before his divorce was final. First, my husband and now I find my fiancé dead! Again, my world crashed! He died intestate (with no will) and he was still married.
“My advice: Never get involved with anyone who remains separated. Also, do not leave any personal items in the person’s home. In the end, by not being family, it will never end well for you.
“This was the most heartbreaking and horrifying PTSD experience and loss. In the end, I was nothing! I was locked out of the condo as well as not allowed access to my belongings and thrown out like yesterday’s garbage.
“His wife and son were his legal family and held all legal power; she was estranged but still held the marriage certificate. The situation became a frightening nightmare with threats, nasty 1 a.m. texts, demands of money, etc.
“I was the hated one! They kept my personal property. I have no idea the cause of death or where they threw his ashes and was denied my heartfelt, loving goodbye.
At age 66 now, and with the pandemic, it is difficult–if not impossible–to meet and start new trusted relationships. It takes time and time is running out.
“I made sure my fiancé was my #1 priority, but in the end, he never made me his #1 priority. After a six-year committed relationship of caring for him, his ailing sweet mom, and troubled kid, and patiently waiting for his divorce, it was as if I never existed in his life!
“He never thought to protect me! And I didn’t protect myself! In the end, I wasn’t even a consideration.”
Four Senior Dating Lessons learned
(1) Couples in a serious or meaningful relationship need to make each other the top priority
(2) Don’t fall in love with someone married, or who has been separated–without divorcing–for a long time
(3) Problems with a mate’s financially dependent or troubled children can move you down his priority list to number two, three, or even lower
(4) If you are going to live with a mate, especially in his home, have the “what if?” talk beforemoving in. Based on the talk, a written legal document must be executed before moving in to protect you. This woman prematurely moved into his home: his divorce wasn’t finalized and there was no legal document. She was not protected.
I can only imagine how difficult it was for our Champ to have two partners pass away. As I was preparing this eNewsletter on Tuesday the 19th, my nephew called to tell me my only brother, William V. Blake III, (Bill Blake) had passed away from complications of cancer.
I don’t mention that for sympathy, I mention it because you are all family to me, and I simply wanted you to know.
Bill Blake, Tom Blake and Derek Blake (Bill’s son) at the Alamo Dec 27 2005
I’m okay. But I will miss not being able to talk to him every few days as I did for years.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – January 15, 2021
by Tom Blake
Where to meet senior men in 2021
Annette, 60, contacted me. She wrote: “I moved to Dana Point (California) three months ago. I am independent, work from home, attend church, and like to walk and bike ride. I want to meet a husband.
“I am a youthful lady and usually date younger men. Do you have any recommendations on where to meet a decent man?”
My response: I know of no place where men 60+ hang out, hoping to meet single women close to their age. Places like that simply don’t exist—in Dana Point, San Clemente, New York City, or Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania (where one of our Champs lives).
Because I’ve answered that question or similar questions 500 times or more in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50, normally I would give you my usual quick answer:
“Get off the couch and out of the house. Pursue the activities you enjoy. Meet new people. Be assertive.”
But times are drastically different in 2021. The pandemic has changed how we live and date. We are encouraged to stay home. We are told not to mingle with people. Restaurants and bars are closed. Social events are canceled. We wear masks. Where to meet single men, let alone decent single men, is not an easy question to answer during the pandemic.
Plus, Annette, with you working at home, it makes meeting people more challenging in that you aren’t out and about as much compared to if you were working away from home.
Where to meet senior men in 2021? This quickly brings us to Internet dating, which could become your primary tool during the pandemic. Why? It’s Covid-19 safe, as long as you stay home. The web allows people to cast their nets beyond where they live, dramatically increasing their chances of meeting a potential mate.
On face-to-face dates, you would likely be wearing a mask (or should be). You don’t know if a person has facial hair, bad teeth, a lip tattoo, or some other feature that might not appeal to you. Whereas, with Internet dating, you can see a person’s face without a mask when doing Zoom, face time, or Skype.
I recommend limiting your search to people living within 25 miles or so. Long-distance relationships are particularly challenging, especially with the pandemic in full force and seniors don’t want to be driving far these days (If at all).
There are multiple dating websites seniors can use. Free ones–such as Plenty of Fish (POF) and OkCupid (owned by Match.com)—to subscription-based, such as Ourtime, Match, Silversingles, and eharmony. The latter sites cost approximately $30 per month per site but the cost varies by site. It’s up to each person to decide if she uses just one site at a time, or two or more. Of course, the monthly cost will increase for each site in use.
Paid sites usually offer better service and results when compared to free sites, although I’ve heard from many singles who’ve met mates on POF.
On January 12, a program on GMA said Instagram is a good place to find single men. But the program didn’t specify it that applied to seniors. The key: post your presence in as many places as possible, while keeping an eye on the costs.
Cardinal rule: Never give or send money to a stranger.
Beware of the dangers in Internet dating. You have to be very careful and smart. There are scammers on every site. Internet dating scams are numerous and everywhere. Be careful with what you reveal about yourself.
Only meet strangers in a public place and tell a friend where and with whom you are meeting. Even have the friend observing from nearby to ensure you are safe.
Trust your instincts. If your gut says something is not right about a person you’re communicating with, take heed and stop that contact.
Annette, I think you should do as you are starting to do: try to meet as many people as possible around Dana Point–not just men. Women friends are important as well. When you are walking or biking, wear a ballcap with something catchy on the brim, these can be conversation starters.
And when you see a guy with a conversation starter on the brim of his hat, comment to him about it.
Champ Patrick Hynes says, “I now alternate between my Aussie Kangaroo cap and my University of Oregon Duck cap. I will report which one is the most successful.”
Also, have personal cards, similar to business cards, made. Carry them with you at all times. On the cards, Include a recent flattering picture of yourself, your first name, and your email address only. I suggest withholding your last name until you get to know the person to whom you handed a card. Do not include your telephone number or street address; you can divulge this information later when you feel confident about the man.
The reason for the cards? Make it easy for a man to contact you. No searching for a pen and piece of paper to write your email address down. Just hand him a card.
So, where to meet a decent man?
Anywhere and everywhere: In line at the post office, in the produce section or wine section of a store, waiting for your car to be washed, Costco, on and on. Be assertive (not aggressive). You might have to initiate a conversation with a man.
Some senior women won’t do that. But, it could be a missed opportunity.
Sign up for my free “On Life and Love after 50” eNewsletter, published each Friday with nuggets and stories about senior dating. I have approximately 2,000 subscribers from across the USA, Canada, and many foreign countries. About 15 percent of them are from Southern California. You can sign up on the website you are on right now to receive the eNewsletter.
Suggested places to make new friends: church, which you attend, is a good start. Visit Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, corner of PCH & Blue Lantern. I opened that deli in 1988, sold it in 2015. If you go there, introduce yourself to Debbie, Rosa, or Samantha, who is the new owner. Tell them I sent you in. They know a lot of people. The deli is doing take-out during the pandemic.
Don’t forget the old standard: Networking. Tell your friends, acquaintances, and family you’d like to meet a “nice, decent man.” They may know of a new widower who lives two blocks away who is lonely and would love a woman pal with whom to chat.
When the pandemic eases, I will resume the age-60 plus Meet and Greet evenings once a month at the deli. Sometimes 50-100 attend. A few couples have met at those gatherings.
Times will get better and when they do, you’ll already be on your way to making new friends and meeting that decent guy. Husband material? I can’t guarantee that.
So, where can you meet a man? Anywhere and everywhere. Work on it, one day at a time.
Harder now? Certainly. Impossible now? No, but more challenging than in normal times.
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – January 8, 2021
by Tom P Blake
Goofy Together and Loving It. Finding love in their 60s because of a logo on a hat
During 26 years of writing about finding love after 50, readers and Champs have shared multiple romance success stories with me. I love hearing them.
In 2009, I included the stories of 50 couples—many of them Champs–in a book titled, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” There are eight bonus stories in the book-so 58 couples are included.
As I hear more success stories these days, I’m wondering if a book titled, “How 65 couples found love after 65” should be written. The above book is available at https://www.findingloveafter50.com/tomblakebookstore or e-mail me at tompblake@gmail for a reduced rate.
The latest success story arrived this week. Heather, 67, a Dana Point, California woman emailed: “Love your articles and I’m so happy you have a gal that makes you happy. I wanted to share my story.”
Heather wrote, “My husband died in his sleep, May 2016, while we were celebrating our daughter’s 30th birthday on Oahu. It was horrible.
“Many people told me, look out, you are fit, funny, you cook, you are independent; men will seek you out. It was the last thing in the world I was thinking about. I had a pile of work to get through let alone the slowness of Hawaii for the death certificate and autopsy for my children.”
Heather’s story continues eight months later
In January 2017, Heather and some women friends were enjoying themselves at the “Swallows Inn,” a popular country music bar with a dance floor in historic San Juan Capistrano, which is near Dana Point and San Clemente.
Heather’s friends were originally from Battle Creek, Michigan. So, when her friends saw a man entering the Swallows wearing a cap with a University of Michigan block “M” on the brim, her friends went over to talk to him. His name was Reuben; he was also from Battle Creek.
Heather said, “I was sitting by myself as they were chatting it up and then they hollered over, ‘Heather come here.’ I was smitten when I met Reuben.
“It took until March that he wanted my phone number. Our first date was on April Fool’s Day. We were the couple in the corner acting goofy. We went to Stillwater (a bar in Dana Point) and everyone wanted to be our friend.
“We are a biracial couple; I think my very tan skin and his beautiful black skin were an attraction to people. Also, we are both very friendly and accepting. He is the love of my life and partner.
Reuben and Heather at California Adventure. Notice his hat and shoes
“Within the five languages of love, Reuben, 62, is the Act of Service. He can fix anything in my home. I love to cook and bake for him and keep a clean home. I work out five days a week and he does too. We are fit, healthy, goofy together and we love it.
“I retired in June 2017 after 44 years in residential lending. Went to work at Trader Joe’s in Crystal Cove as I could not stop, cold turkey, from work. Such a fun place to work! Saw multiple celebrities. After 11 months and missing out on birthday parties for little ones.
“In 2018, Reuben moved in with me when his roommates disbanded. He was slowly bringing tools over and we were together all the time. Just made sense.
“Everywhere we go, Reuben has a Chicago Bears or Michigan cap and/or mask on. Always starts a chat.
Reuben’s 4 face masks – Chicago Bears, Michigan (2), Turk’s Dana Point
I love this story. I admit I am biased because I grew up in Jackson, Michigan, 30 miles from Battle Creek. Plus, I graduated from U of M and am a big University of Michigan fan.
There are two dating lessons in Heather’s and Reuben’s story.
Lesson One. Hats with logos are conversation starters for seniors–and ice breakers
Wearing a shirt, face mask, or hat with a college, pro sports name, or something fun on the brim, is a good idea for singles who’d like to meet a mate. Those are conversation starters, ice breakers which is why those Battle Creek women approached Reuben, which led to this love story.
Greta and I observed this when we were on our traditional New Year’s day walk at Salt Creek Beach. I saw people wearing Alabama shirts/hats and Notre Dame shirts/hats and said to the people “Good luck today in the game.” (Alabama was playing Notre Dame in the college football playoffs). Some of them wanted to stop and talk about the game. (Later, the Notre Dame fans didn’t want to. Alabama won big.)
When Michigan fans and Ohio State fans see each with logos, they tease the heck out of each other. Still, that’s a conversation starter.
I have two maize and blue “M” face masks, several “M” golf shirts, a hat, and a pair of Go Blue Michigan shoes. (Greta’s daughter Terry has given me all my UM stuff as gifts. I think, singlehandedly, she has kept them in business).
Tom decked out – down to the UM shoes
If you don’t have a hat with an ice-breaker logo, and if you live in South Orange County California, on Saturdays, go to the Dana Point Farmer’s market and check out Champs Vince and Julie’s booth. They are the “logo hat specialists.”
Our Champs Vince and Julie in their Dana Point Farmers Market booth with a variety of hats. Talk sports with Vince–he’s very knowledgeable
A hat that I cherish from their booth: an old VW bus on the brim. Everyone needs a hat with a logo on it.
And lesson two: Hey guys, to win her over, slowly bring your handy-man tools when you are doing maintenance on her home. Leave them there. Soon, you’ll have so many tools there that she’ll have no choice but to invite you to move in.
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter –January 1, 2021
28 responses to “Do women 65+ plus not want to live with a man?
Thanks, Champs for responding to the eNewsletter sent two weeks ago regarding: Do women 65+ not want to live with a man? I selected 28 responses (22 from women, six from men). All the responses included below were sent via email, except for two telephone conversations I had with Les and Dave, men friends of mine.
This article is long and thorough. I may publish it as an electronic book.
In reading today’s eNewsletter, please remember, these are quotes from Champs and not opinions of mine. Many quotes are edited for length and clarity by me. Each person’s idea regarding people 65-plus living alone or with someone is unique. Most people are enlightened; others are a tad angry or bitter. There is no right or wrong response.
In the end, I will pick a new moniker for women in the age 65+ group. I’ve narrowed it down to “The Independent Generation” or “The Contented Generation.” Of course, this will be an unofficial-tongue-in-cheek designation, and for fun only.
What women said
Terry, “We are in our 60’s and older. I don’t know many friends who are interested in marriage or even excited about their existing marriage. Many new relationships come with lots of baggage. Going through that is easier if households are not co-mingled.
“Humans at our age are set in their ways. Sex is nice but not necessary (at least for women), separation of incomes is tricky, and sharing of living space–unless the space is huge—would be difficult”
Laurie Jo, “I have mixed feelings regarding being a couple under the same roof. My boyfriend of five years is a lovely man, but he is younger, with a career and a son still at home. He loves his home. We live 90 minutes away; that commute is unreasonable for him.
“But I am still lonely a lot of the time. Living together is not an option for us; cohabitation is likely not in the cards. I have decided that for now, going back and forth for each of us on alternating weekends is ok.
“How every relationship plays out is different.”
Mary Ann, “After living alone for some time, people start to like having space, and not sharing or compromising with a partner. Many men don’t want to commit; they feel free and happy.”
Elizabeth, “I know many older women who want companionship but are worried about living together or getting married because they may lose some independence. Many are afraid of taking on household chores or losing financial independence.”
Carissa, “Women like myself who’ve spent years eating the right foods and taking good care of our bodies want to spend our retirement enjoying life, not being a nursemaid to a man who mistreated his body, and now wants his own, private caregiver in exchange for room and board.
“Financially secure women don’t need a man at this point in their lives unless he shares their values about good health and retirement.”
Kaitte, “I’m a very independent senior woman, most men can’t handle that—not needing a man to take care of me. Some men are afraid that I will drain them of their money.”
Sandra, “My guy and I are both Champs; we married in 2014. This is not a male or female issue. Many men now of retirement age, focused on their work and traditional male division of duties at home while women worked and assumed traditional roles at home. Retirement requires transition and often a new division of duties.
“I do not want to live alone; my husband and I are negotiating the learning curve now.”
Where do you choose to live after age 65?
Susan, “I have been in a 12-year relationship with a man who has been trying to complete a divorce throughout our relationship. We have had a LAT relationship. He declared this past week that he doesn’t want to continue.
“I have no interest in marriage and I love having my own place. I am 78, live in San Francisco. I am wondering if I could ever start another relationship. I have been told to only find widowers instead of divorced people. Widowers are sad, not mad.”
Deanne, 67, “I was happily married for 30 years, lost my husband six years ago to leukemia. I want to live with a partner, to enjoy making a home together. I’m better as a partner than as a solo act.
“My widow group (international and private) is filled mainly with women who dream of finding someone and intimacy again. They don’t like living alone. Widows long for a partner to live with while divorcees want freedom.”
Carol, 78, a songwriter. “Older men are afraid to take a chance on someone who has a life, interests, talent, and self-assurance. If they know I’m a songwriter, they don’t want to end up in a song like one I wrote, “So Many Women, So Little Time.”
One verse from my song: “You troll the waters both day and night, looking for a woman, you can excite! A nurse with a purse, housekeeper, and cook, they are all out there, all you need to do is look.”
Speaking of waters, some want to live on a yachtbut the Pilgrim sunk in Dana Point Harborin 2020 Photo by Ron Cohen
Pony Lady, “I know that ‘chore wars’ is alive and well in a couple of over-65 households that I know personally (long-term married couples). They want a more equal sharing of the chores…she says he won’t do anything and he doesn’t care.”
Christine, Relationship Coach, “Regarding, most women who tell me they don’t want to live with a man again because they did too much labor in their marriage, part of my coaching is to show them how to ‘ask for help’ and stop overdoing.
“Once they perfect this they’re more open to getting into another relationship. Plus, most men are happy to do their part in the ‘chores’ around the house.
“I’ve learned when we take responsibility for our happiness within a relationship it’s better to be partnered than single.”
Hamila, Texas, “I was married for 42 wonderful years and was a caregiver for the last six years of my husband’s life. I have no desire to live with another man. I do enjoy male company and all that might entail, but I do not want to share my home with another man. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. I enjoy my male friends but have no desire for them to take up residence.
“A couple of my widow friends agree with me. They are senior women content living alone.”
Gail, “I would live with a man for a couple of days each week, plus on trips and adventures. But full-time? No thank you. I am too independent and happy in my skin. I don’t need anyone giving me unwanted advice and don’t want to do that to anyone. I keep hoping to meet a good man who is available and interested.”
Lisa, “I moved last year from Southern California to the Tucson area. While I would like to find a partner, the LAT describes my preference now.
“I have furnished my home to my taste. If someone moved in, where would we put his stuff? If he didn’t have furnishings, that would be a red flag.
“I had a good relationship with a man in my neighborhood who entertained me mostly at his home. I enjoyed his company. However, he always had a TV on somewhere in his house, even if he wasn’t watching it, including one in the bedroom to watch the “Tonight” show, on a timer so he could go to sleep with it on.
“I’d like to find someone to do activities with, share meals, in or out sometimes, and have sleepovers and what they entail, but I want my freedom and independence too. “
Arlene, “It’s a trade-off! We get a roof; they get a slave. My ex never cleaned his toilet. He never cleaned anything except his car every Sunday morning, which prevented him from churching with me.
“Men want someone to clean house and lauder their stinky clothes. Not fun. Of course, they want a sex partner. The last three men I’ve known can’t perform due to diabetes. Yawn.
“Then we can watch them watch “the game” on tv while drinking beers. Stay upwind of the farts. Another yawn.”
Kathy, 59, “I remarried my husband of 20 years six years ago. I knew what I was getting back into. We live together. To say he does not clean up after himself is an extreme understatement; it can not only be exhausting but embarrassing.
“I take care of the yard, but the rest of his stuff is everywhere…most of it behind the RV gate, or I move it back there after a few days if it’s left out front. We look like the Beverly Hillbillies.”
Kathleen, 60, “I would like having a male companion to spend time with, especially seeing concerts, plays, book readings, or even going out with for a meal, but seniors living together, no thanks!”
Dianne, “No. Once is enough. It’s like the New Yorker cartoon where the man is proposing and the woman says, ‘Oh, so you want to offer me a life where nothing changes for you and my whole life does for me (not the exact caption but it captures the essence.)
“Can’t see how any man over 60, especially with children, could offer anything that made it worth moving in. And it’s not that I haven’t been pursued.”
Bonnie, “Better solo or better with your partner? While a man’s companionship is wonderful, being solo is also wonderful. Such an individual thing.”
Alicia, 68, “I stay busy with my hobbies. I would love to share a home with a man. If I meet a man and we fall in love, I think having a conversation about our lifestyles and talking about what’s important to each of us would make the transition of living together easier. I would hope the man would likewise have his hobbies, interests, and friends.”
Mary Lou, 75, “I can’t imagine living with someone today. I have turned into an independent senior woman, and I like my routine. I have made lots of friends in Denver since moving here three years ago. Since the pandemic, I Zoom twice a month with a group of fabulous senior women in a movie club. And once a month in a book club.
“I take occasional online classes with Senior Planet. I live a mile from my son and family. I still tutor students for bar exams and have 11 assigned to me now. I have a rich, full life, and am resigned to not having my great later-in-life love connection.”
Brenda, 59, “Women 65+…the independent generation. You should research more in-depth through history if thinking of using that label. Women have always been independent. In my opinion, it’s the men who have been dependent on women and have tried to make women dependent on them through laws and legal discrimination.
“I have known countless older and younger independent strong women. Your ‘label’ is nothing new. We’ve always been independent.
What men said
Army, “Most women want their independence and freedom. If you want to go dancing, they will drive themselves to meet you there; they don’t need or want a man in their lives.”
Les, 94, WWII vet, (by telephone) is living in an Orange County, California, assisted living facility. He doesn’t like being there. He isn’t looking for a mate. Instead, he’d rather purchase a single-level home with an attached two-car garage. In Southern Orange County, homes like that are hard to come by.
Dave, 80, Laguna Niguel, California, (by telephone) widower of six months, wishes senior centers and older singles clubs were open so he could make some new friends. He doesn’t want marriage, but a compatible pal would be nice to have.
Lawrence, “Most men need the emotional, financial and physical support from a woman. Why? Since WWII, families have become dependent on two incomes. The two-income program developed independence for women…Now, women want dominance over men. That’s why many men have opted out of committed relationships with women.”
Jim, humor columnist for Desert Exposure Magazine (Las Cruces, New Mexico) (www.desertexposure.com): “Your ‘Independent Generation” moniker reminds me of an 1855 poem, by Martha Ford titled “The Nantucket Girls Song.”
It’s too long for this column so I’m including the link. Here is the first sentence, “I have made up my mind now to be a Sailors wife, to have a purse full of money and a very easy life…
After reading these responses, I’m sticking with “The Independent Generation,” as it applies to single women age 65+ and their living-arrangement preference. Some want to live with a man; many don’t There’s no right or wrong answer. But, it reveals how our generation feels about cohabitation.
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – December 18, 2020
Columnist Tom Blake
Do women 65+ not want to live with a man? Senior cohabitation
The Globe and Mail is a highly respected Toronto, Ontario, Canada, newspaper.
On November 26, 2019, that newspaper published an article written by Jayme Gershen titled, “The new reality of dating over 65: Men want to live together; women don’t.” It was about Canadian singles.
One of our Champs, Marillee, forwarded the article to me with this message: “Long but interesting article to which I can relate. I enjoy my independence!”
Gershen begins the article with a story about a man, Antonio D’Alfonso, 66, of Montreal, who has been married three times. He has been dating a Toronto widow for more than 10 years and has proposed to her five times; each time she said “no.”
The article states, “The two see each other every couple of months…The older woman refused to live with him because she wanted to travel and be free.
“The pair took a two-year hiatus, during which D’Alfonso tried dating other senior-age women only to find that they, too, were reluctant to share a home–this even as D’Alfonso said, he cooks and keeps a tidy house.”
D’Alfonso was quoted, ‘“I believe that women no longer need men, whatsoever. I’m irrelevant.”’
The article also stated, “D’Alfonso’s push-and-pull with his partners reflects a rift emerging between single women older than 65 and the men they date.
“Increasingly, these men are encountering resistance from older women who want their own lives, not a full-time relationship. While many in this generation of heterosexual, divorced, or widowed women want male companionship, they don’t necessarily relish the thought of moving in with a man.
“Today…more older women are rejecting the downsides of the live-in relationship: the co-dependence, the daily tension within close quarters and the sacrifices made keeping a home, caregiving and doing the emotional legwork to keep their unions humming.
“Some of these women completely forego dating while others opt for ‘living apart together’ (LAT) arrangements, in which partners in committed relationships choose to keep separate residences.”
The article referenced a 2017 study that said that 72 percent of senior-aged women were highly satisfied living on their own…”This reticence to co-habitate is driving a wedge between the sexes.”
Tom’s comments:
-Poor old D’Alfonso, he and his widow friend were only seeing each other every couple of months. That’s not much of a relationship.
-Is there truly an emerging rift between men and women that is driving a wedge between them? I think that comment is an exaggeration.
I think these next four paragraphs made some questionable assumptions:
1 “For a generation of older men, traditional, live-in relationships remain important because female partners meet so many of their social, emotional, health and domestic needs, said Sharon Hyman, a Montreal filmmaker who’s interviewed hundreds of couples for her upcoming documentary called Apartners: Living Happily Ever Apart. ‘Women have wider circles of friends. Men don’t so they are relying on women for more,’ Hyman said. ‘For men, often we hear it’s not as easy for them to be on their own.’
2 “A number of social factors have sent women 65-plus hurtling toward independent lives, chief among them financial independence, said David Cravit, author of The New Old: How the Boomers Are Changing Everything…Again. ‘They’ve had careers, they’re liberated and they’re not dependent on the guy,’ Cravit said. ‘When they hit this age, they’re not going to revert back to being their mothers and their grandmothers.'”
3 “Many women resist moving in with men because they remember previous marriages and the unequal division of labour at home, said Bella DePaulo, author of How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. Having a place of their own, she said, offers senior-age women time to rest, think and pursue their interests, instead of feeling exhausted by the chore wars.”
Poor Sandy. A victim of the “senior chore wars?” Probably not. A victim of a strict boss at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli. She was, and still is, an incredible employee
‘They want to have their own place, in their own way,’ said DePaulo, an academic associate in social psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara.”
4 “…Many senior-age men struggle living alone, growing lonely because they’d over-relied on their spouse ‘to be their best friend and their social co-ordinator,’ DePaulo said.
Tom’s comment: Hurtling toward independent lives? What? That makes it sound like this is happening at great speed in a wildly uncontrolled manner.
The chore wars? That’s a bit much.
Tom’s summary: The article paints a picture of most men saying, “Woe is me, women don’t want to live with men anymore.”
But what I’ve heard and seen from primarily American women, that assumption isn’t true. I think the article was based on a very limited sample and was quite biased. After all, D’Alfonso, is just one man. Not many men I know will propose five times.
Maybe what the article professes is more true in Canada than in the USA. Most women I hear from would love to live with a man. And most of the men I know have no aversion to pushing a vacuum cleaner around the house or cleaning the bathrooms.
And lots of them (me included) do much of the cooking. And when the wife or significant other gets sick, they are right there to be the caregiver. My friend, Dave, took care of his wife for 23 years and never bitched once about it to me.
My brother is also the caregiver in his household.
I see nothing wrong with senior women or men wanting to live alone. But to infer that for the women it’s because of their prior unfavorable experience with men is a stretch. One thing this 2020 pandemic year has taught most of us is: we all need our space, we need time alone. But it’s still mighty nice to come home to that welcome hug from our mate.
I think the article made too many assumptions about the poor, needy, men. Not every man is the same.
Let’s hear what Champs have to say. Do women 65+ not want to live with a man?
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – December 11, 2020
By Columnist Tom Blake
(There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter)
Part One – Importance of compatibility in senior relationships
Marie, a dedicated Champ, emailed this week. This was the 10th time in eight years she’s chimed in. How do I know that? It’s the incredible archive system that gmail.com provides.
She posed a question that initially seemed like it’d be easy to answer, but the more I thought about it, the trickier it became.
Marie wrote, “Compatibility seems to be the keyword when talking about relationships. Is compatibility or should compatibility be the basic foundation when meeting someone? So many people are involved in compatible relationships but passion and emotion are missing.
“Why am I so confused about this stuff at 68? I’m divorced. I need clarity on this.”
And soon after Marie wrote, our newest Champ, Kay, emailed, “I just came across your site and find it very interesting.
“I am far beyond 50, however, I am in excellent health and am full of energy, and have a good sense of humor! I am blessed that my dad taught me about cars, guns, and sports.
“This enables me to get along with men as we have much in common (i.e., compatible). I am divorced and thought I found this great guy, but we just broke up due to his temper!
“Meeting men online is nearly impossible as it is mostly fantasy….not real!
“I would love to have a special man in my life. I have no family, so I would like to meet someone, however, there is no place to meet anyone!”
I responded to Kay and asked her to tell me a bit more about her experience with the “temper-tantrum” man
She said, “This man has good qualities but he goes from zero to 500 over nothing. The last time he was driving and was squealing tires and jerking the wheel and taking curves dangerously.
“Should he have a wreck and I am injured, I have no family to help me…if I get upset I get quiet for a moment but he has other characteristics that are embarrassing and unnecessary! I love his sisters and one son but I just can not do that!
“I turned 75 on Veterans Day! Fortunately, I am on natural things and no meds and am energetic and have a sense of humor, and am a firecracker!
“People guess me to be younger but it’s all about how a person feels! I do volunteer work at a military base and PBS station and help the Legion for the Veterans and try to help my friends when I can. But oh, to find love again! I just would love someone in my life!
“It has been challenging as the driving incident described above happened on my birthday and I would never ruin anyone’s birthday!”
Since I was contemplating the topic of compatibility, I responded by asking whether she felt compatibility is important in a relationship. And, I mentioned that we shared the same birthday: November 11.
Kay replied, “I believe it’s important. Couples can have some interests that are different…but, I find life calm and peaceful and yet exhilarating when two people enjoy similar things and both love the same way.
“I enjoy a connected feeling! I believe it is important to view things similarly as well. To respond to things similarly. However, perhaps the man is not as “romantic” but I write journals of thoughts and feelings and if I want to put a note by his plate I would like him to appreciate it as an expression of my love even if he never does.”
I also received an email from a friend, also named Tom, Orange County, California, whom I’ve known for six years. His situation is a perfect picture of how essential compatibility is in a relationship.
Tom shared, “I met Linda online—Our Time—and clicked on the first wine meetup. We’ve been dating exclusively since June 2019.
“I became a widower in 2005 and she was widowed in 2015. But the most favorable factor is we’re 5.2 miles apart on one primary street in South Orange County, so no rush-hour community snarls. She is originally from Michigan and now lives in Orange County.
“Widows and widowers, if they can get over their loss, are positive knowing someone already has—and a new person can—rekindle their love of life. They are not trying to duplicate the past, but know the traits that excite them and embrace reality.
“Online dating is harder for widowed people since other people can say words that inspire confidence, but face-to-face meetings, trips, and other experiences are necessary to allow daters to decide if they are open and can adapt to a new and different person.”
“Linda was an interior design shop manager, and now does life coaching. After our third date, she invited me and flew me to her friend’s wedding in Sicily for a week in the fall of 2019.
“We were able to get in 2020 trips to Palm Springs and San Luis Obispo before the pandemic. She’s a fantastic cook, and I’m a diligent cleaner-upper so we work together after a meal and then enjoy Netflix or a TV sporting event.
Linda and Tom – together since June 2019 – living 5 miles away
“Compatibility is very important. I don’t think ‘opposites attract’ is worth the time to make it a success. The willingness to work together shows mutual caring for each other. Example: Linda found gardening to be enjoyable working with me. Be a Giver more than a Taker, and you will win in the long run.
“We are considering living together, but still in the early talking phase, as we weigh options. Why both pay mortgage, utility bills, etc?
“If I’m away from her for a few days even with daily phone calls, then I am anxious to see her.”
To answer Marie’s initial question, I say compatibility is imperative. But, other qualities need to be present as well—physical attraction, caring, kindness, and love. Each so critical.
I would enjoy hearing compatibility comments from other Champs.
Part Two – Avoid COVID-19 Scams
As always happens these days when people are vulnerable, scammers try to take advantage of them. Two scams have popped up lately.
Scam One: Puppy Scams
CBS News Los Angeles announced yesterday that with people being lonely during the pandemic, online puppy scams are skyrocketing (up 500% this year). Apparently, the scammers are saying to people that due to social distancing, people can’t see the animal in person before sending money. The article said: “Scammers almost always request funds through Moneygram, Western Union, prepaid debit cares, through the Zelle app, with bitcoin or other methods that make it hard to recover money.” Kittens, exotic birds, and horses are also being used to scam.
A good place to get a puppy is at a local animal shelter. However, during the pandemic, puppies are in high demand. The type of puppy you want may not be available.
Scam Two: Vaccination scams are emerging. Do not pay money to sign up for a vaccine shot or have your name put on a waiting list.
Do not reveal your bank information and NEVER give out your Social Security Number. We will all be informed about the vaccination details in due time. Do not respond to phone calls, emails, text messages, or even someone knocking on your door with vaccine promises and misinformation.
On Life and Love after 50 